Swirling Storm Inside
by Halawen
Summary: Clare Mason is the only girl with three older brothers, navigating her way through life and adolescence with the help of her brothers and her their friends. Drama, angst, fluff, smut, suspense, humor and love this story has it all and ensemble cast of favorites. Pairings will include Flare, EClare, Cleese, Madam, Drianca, Semma and Pinner. Read A/Ns please.
1. Disappear like Smoke into the Clouds

**Legal: I own nothing but the idea.**

**Welcome to my new story which is going to have a little of everything. In the coming weeks this story will have drama, angst, fluff, smut, suspense and humor. Just about everyone from Next Generation through current DeGrassi will make an appearance at some point and many of them are main characters.**

**Okay this is one of those where I mess with the families so please pay attention:**

**The Mason family consists of oldest brother Spinner, second oldest Drew and twins Adam and Clare.**

**The Fitzgerald family consists of Mama Fitzgerald, older brother Sean (Cameron on the show Fitzgerald in this story) and younger brother Mark "Fitz" Fitzgerald.**

**The Guthrie family consists of Lisa Guthrie (Mom), K.C. and his younger sister Maya (Matlin in the show and Guthrie in this story).**

**The Milligan family remains the same though.**

**The Torres parents, Helen, Randall and Darcy Edwards, Katie Matlin and Tracker Cameron don't exist in this reality. **

**Maya and Tristan are only a year behind Clare and Adam not two years and Zig is in the same grade as Clare and Adam.**

**FYI Biff Tannen is the bully from Back to the Future and Johnny Strabler is the main character in The Wild One.**

**That should do it the rest is told in the story so please read and enjoy!**

**Ch. 1 Disappear like Smoke into the Clouds**

**(CLARE)**

I can't sleep.

The night is hot and the air conditioner is busted again. The very small breeze blowing into my fully open window isn't helping at all. Then again even if the night wasn't so hot and muggy I wouldn't be able to sleep. It's not really the weather it's the day and as it's after midnight it's today. The fact that I feel like I can't breathe has nothing to do with the weather. That my eyes are swollen with tears and my heart thumps slow and deep in my chest has nothing to do with the hot night air.

I decide to give up on sleeping, it's not going to happen and I don't want to lie in my bed looking at the ceiling any longer. I get up and throw on a pair of black shorts, a bra and a t-shirt with flats. If I try to go out the front Spin will wake up and my eldest brother will not let me out so late. He'll bring me to his room or the living room and tell me to talk but I don't want to talk. So I take the screen off my window and sneak out, replacing the screen so I don't come home to a room full of bugs. I walk down the street, half the street lights on our street are fading or out but I'm not scared this is my neighborhood. I wander the streets, past the school and The Dot and Little Miss Steaks. I'm not paying all that much attention to where I'm going I'm just looking at the stars and trying to think of anything but what day it is.

"Clare!" A voice snaps at me and I jump looking at the source.

Jay Hogart is giving me a harsh look that's angry, surprised and protective. Tall and lean with dark hair and darker eyes, a boyish yet rugged face and muscular build. He's dark with a bad temperament and constantly in trouble; he was expelled from DeGrassi after his thirteenth suspension. Part Biff Tannen and part Johnny Strabler he's the kind of boy father's would do anything to keep their daughters from and he's one of my closest friends.

"Hi," I reply.

Jay's not alone, he's with his best friend Sean, the two often get into trouble together. They both went to school with my oldest brother Spinner and the three grew up together. They remained close even after Spin and Sean graduated and like everyone else we grew up with are at our house a lot. Jay is 21 while Sean and Spinner are 20. Sean and Jay are similar in personality but entirely opposite in looks. Sean is shorter, even more muscular than Jay but with dark blonde to honey brown hair and blue eyes. His chiseled good looks betray his boyish face until he smiles and all his boyish charm breaks down his touch guy façade. Much like Jay he got into a lot of trouble too but he managed to not get expelled. Like my brothers Sean played a lot of sports which I think helped to keep him out of major trouble unlike Jay who played no sports, it did not however save Sean from getting the rep of a no good juvenile delinquent. Despite the reputation he carries Sean Fitzgerald is one of the sweetest guys I know, and I know a lot of guys.

"Hi? What the hell are you doing wandering around at night by yourself?" Jay demands.

"I couldn't sleep," I respond.

"Alright I'm taking you home," Jay says.

"No I'm not a child I can handle myself," I shoot back crossing my arms.

"And if Spin found out you were wandering by yourself he'd go nuts," Sean says. Jay doesn't even answer he just leans down and tosses me over his shoulder barbarian style.

"Jay put me down!" I demand hitting his back but it does no good. "Ughhh put me down," I shriek again but Jay ignores me.

He and Sean begin walking back toward my house; I hit his back for another minute but give up. We walk about a block before I hear another familiar voice approaching.

"Find some action boys?" Owen jokes.

Owen Milligan has dark hair and dark blue eyes and he's just half an inch shorter than Jay. Owen puts Michelangelo's David to shame; his sculpted body would make even the most chaste of women drool. A body he works hard on, weight training, playing football and hockey among other things, not that all that physical activity has managed to keep him out of trouble. He got into a lot of it, actually he still does. Owen is 16 and will be in eleventh grade this year with my second oldest brother Drew. Owen, in my opinion anyway, is the James Dean for the new millennium. Hard on the outside, a bit of a loner, so good looking he almost doesn't seem real, misunderstood and yet sensitive, protective and sweet if you know him and you're in his circle, which I am as he's one of Drew's best friends.

"Owen tell them to put me down," I complain.

"Clare?" Owen says surprised and Jay puts me down.

"I couldn't sleep I went for a walk and they insisted on taking me home. Tell them I can handle myself," I assert.

"I don't doubt that but you won't be able to get away if more than one person comes after you. Or one guy with a weapon, there are all kinds of creeps out there," Jay comments.

"I'll take her home," Owen offers.

"I don't need a baby sitter," I argue.

"Well you can't be randomly wandering alone at night it isn't safe. You know Spin would never allow it," Owen points out.

"We're taking you home if I have to pick up again and carry you the whole way," Jay tells me.

"What's going on?" Fitz asks walking over to us.

Mark Fitzgerald is Sean's younger brother and everyone is made to call him Fitz, even his mom. With chestnut brown hair and deep brown eyes, his innocently freckled and boyish face are deceptive. Their dad took off when Sean was five and Fitz was one and then their Mom began drinking and hasn't stopped. When she is conscious enough to speak or move she's usually abusive toward her sons despite the fact that they keep living with her to take care of her. Children's Aid has stepped in a few times, removing the boys or sending their mom to rehab but she always gets them to come back and support her. Sean works in the same garage as Jay but Fitz is in high school still, he'll be in grade eleven this year with my brother Drew.

Fitz has the public exterior of the intense loner, juvenile delinquent bully who is bad because he can be and will take anything not nailed down. At least that's most people's perceptions of him but it's not true. It is true that he steals a lot but it's usually things for his mom or things they need to get by he doesn't steal for fun. He takes after his older brother and the bully in him comes from a deep protective streak, taking care of the ones he cares about at the cost of the others sometimes. He would have been expelled or dropped out a long time ago but every time he gets arrested and sentenced to any time he's sent to Toronto Juvenile Correctional School, it's juvenile hall but it's also a high school so he can keep up with classes.

Fitz is actually probably one of the most complex people I know, a little like Jekyll and Hyde I suppose. If you know him then he's really a sweet, caring, protective boy with deceptive school boy charm and yet a dark handsomeness as if he stepped from the pages of a vampire romance novel. He does poorly in school, hates all his classes and if Sean didn't make him go I'm pretty sure he'd spend his days at the ravine or the garage where Jay and Sean work. Despite the fact that he barely passes all his classes he loves to read poetry and classic novels. His deep introspective thoughts, when he allows other people to hear them, are very intelligent and you wonder if there isn't a genius buried behind his chocolate brown eyes. He'd never hurt someone he cares about and in fact would give his life to save you.

"Take your girlfriend home will you," Sean teases.

"I'm not his girlfriend!"

"She's not my girlfriend."

Our mutual arguments overlap each other and I cross my arms. Fitz and I aren't dating, we've never even been on a single date together but he is part of our circle, gang I suppose you could call it, and therefore not terrified to come near me like the other boys. When we're out doing things together Fitz and I almost always end up sitting together or being together. I've known him forever; he was in kindergarten with my brother Drew and Sean was in class with Spinner. We're so comfortable together I think nothing of his arm being around my shoulders or sitting in his lap when there's nowhere to sit, but of course it's why most people assume we are a couple and we get teased about it by the others.

"Just get her home so she's not out wandering the streets alone in the dark. If Spin finds out he'll have our heads so get her home," Owen commands.

"I'll take care of her," Fitz replies putting his arm around my shoulders.

I keep my arms crossed, I hate getting treated like a child I'm nearly sixteen and they all treat me like I'm ten or something. I keep a miffed expression until we're down the street from Owen, Jay and Sean then I stop and turn to Fitz.

"I don't want to go home; I can't be there Fitz not tonight. I can't sleep and I don't want to be there, you can stay with me. Take me to the ravine, take me anywhere but I can't be home not tonight," I tell him in a resolute tone.

"Alright come on," he says and we walk back toward the school.

We do go to the ravine there's no kids here, unless there's some sleeping in the van but there are none that I see. Fitz stokes up the campfire and we sit in the backseat. It's the backseat from a car someone long ago ripped out to make seating at the ravine. I sit there gazing at the fire, watching it dance and crackle, glow red, yellow, orange and blue. I just sort of space out on the fire as my mind dances through a lifetime of memories and I start crying without even realizing it, tears running down my cheeks and dropping to my chest.

"It's getting near dawn I should get your home," Fitz comments and I notice the sky beginning to lighten. I stand wiping the tears from my face and we walk the couple of blocks back to my house, going around the side and taking the screen from my window to sneak in. "I'll be back in a couple of hours," Fitz tells me after helping me climb in.

"You might as well stay here if you'll be back in a couple hours anyway. Besides no one else is awake and I don't want to wake them yet. I don't want to wake them at all," I admit biting my lip and biting back the tears that are trying to come.

Fitz climbs through my window and hugs me tightly, "You don't have to wake them up and I'll stay with you."

We sit on my bed now, the tears flowing free and I can't stop them. Fitz puts his arm around me and rubs my back lightly as I sob. The hollowness of the day, the part that's missing, that's been missing for a year becomes overwhelming. When I hear a door open and movement in the rest of the house I wipe my tears and get up slowly. I leave my room with Fitz following me, we leave my room as Adam leaves his, he cocks an eyebrow at the fact that I leave my room at dawn with Fitz but he says nothing.

"We'll get through today together," Adam says hugging me tightly.

Adam and I are fraternal twins; he's six minutes and thirty three seconds older than I am. A fact he likes to remind me of any time we argue. I almost didn't make it into this world, our mom died giving birth to Adam and I had to be delivered by C-section. I don't know all the details because all father ever told us was that she died to bring us into the world.

Adam is my twin and we are as close as two people can be but I didn't start out as the only girl in this family. Adam started life as Gracie, he was born a girl but he never was a girl. My twin is transgender; he's always acted and dressed like a boy so when he told us six years ago that he was a boy and we should call him Adam no one was surprised. Aside from being a boy Adam and I are very much alike. We both love writing and reading, we like the same music, we both get straight A's and take advanced classes. Adam loves comics and playing music while I prefer dancing and don't really like comics. And like my other brothers Adam likes to play sports. We both have round faces with light brown hair and blue eyes although mine are lighter than his. If he's been out in the sun a lot he gets freckles on his nose and I just get tan, or burn. He's also more slender and taller than I am but I'm closer to Adam than anyone on this earth.

"Hey sis," Drew says coming over and hugging Adam and I tightly before looking at Fitz. "Morning Fitz you're here early," Drew comments.

"He was with me," I inform him.

"All night?"

"Most of it," Fitz replies.

"As long as you were in good hands," Drew replies.

Drew is thirteen months older than me and Adam, the only one in our family to get Mom's olive skin and dark hair but he does have blue eyes. Tall with a sturdy build and muscles shaped by years of playing quarterback on the football team and point guard on the basketball team, in looks he's practically flawless. Although he has the most boyish grin of anyone I've ever seen, when he grins he looks so much younger than his true age of nearly seventeen. When he's not smiling he has a sexy, swarthy gaze that make girls fall in love, but my brother is taken. He's been dating the same girl for three years and they are very much in love.

Drew struggles in his academic classes but he excels in other classes and anything physical. He's not book smart but he is smart in other ways, he's also one of the most caring and nurturing guys I know, deeply loyal, sweet and protective particularly of Adam and I, and of course his girlfriend Bianca.

"Anyone hungry? When did you get here Fitz?" Spinner asks coming into the hallway from the kitchen.

"He spent the night in Clare's room," Adam tells him as Drew releases us from the hug.

"Oh, anyone hungry?" Spinner repeats and we all shake our heads.

"Not today, I couldn't even sleep I was afraid…" my sentence trails off as it becomes choked by tears.

A year ago today at almost this exact time I awoke to a beautiful summer day. Like most days, when Spinner didn't have to open, I went in to wake our dad for work. He didn't stir when I opened the door, or when I shook him, when I pulled the blanket back he was cold. Our dad, the only parent we ever had, was dead in his bed. I screamed and collapsed on the floor in tears, Drew and Adam came running in and saw that he was dead. Drew called 911 while Adam called Spinner. Our older brother still lived here but he had a small apartment of his own at the time. We found out later that day that Dad had died of a brain aneurism, it was sudden and took him in his sleep, he didn't suffer but it gave us no comfort. Our world came crashing down that day, our mother died so long ago and we were all so young only Spinner had a few memories of her. Now our father was dead too, we weren't alone because we had all our friend but we felt very alone. Spinner was granted custody of us and he moved back in. His job as manager of The Dot did not support a family of four including three teenagers so Drew works part time at a cell phone kiosk in the mall. We do okay but it's been a year since we lost dad and the closer it got to the anniversary the harder it got for all of us. Spinner is a good brother, he works really hard to take care of us but he's not our dad and he has no idea how to raise three teenagers and especially not a girl. Not that dad had any idea how to raise a girl either.

My oldest brother, whose given name is actually Gavin, is stout and was chubby when he was younger but after years of soccer and football lost the weight and became lean and muscular, he's slightly shorter than Drew by half an inch. Spin has our mom's brown eyes but got his hair color from our dad. Like Drew Spin was never very good in school and he struggled but he did graduate. He's athletic, kind, generous, sweet, loyal and the hardest working person I know besides our father. While still a child himself he took on the enormous task of raising us and I will always admire him for that, even if he has no clue what he's doing.

While I can no longer speak because I'm crying too hard my brothers hug me tightly. When I hear the doorbell ring I swallow the rest of my tears and wipe my face. Fitz goes to answer the door while we stay in the hallway embracing for a moment.

"Calvary is here, come on you all need to get out," Bianca calls walking in followed by the rest of the gang. People we've grown up with and they've become like family. Bianca comes to Drew and kisses her boyfriend before hugging me.

Bianca is my closest girlfriend, tall and slight with dark raven curls and brown eyes, she has a sort of fae or sprite quality to her, like a nymph plucked from Greek mythology. She has a fiery personality and isn't afraid to be honest, something most people do not like but it's a quality I admire in her. She speaks her mind and has an inner strength that's kept her going even after everything she's been through.

Her unwed mother abandoned Bianca at her aunt's house when Bianca was only six; she hasn't seen her mother since. Bianca's aunt does little more than provide a roof over Bianca's head. Her aunt works at a bar and brings home a new guy virtually every night and unless Bianca is directly in her way her aunt ignores her all together. Not just that she leaves Bianca on her own she actually won't look at her, talk to her or acknowledge her in any way. So Bianca seeks attention elsewhere and she's gotten in a fair bit of trouble because of it.

When Bianca was twelve she was attacked by two guys intent on raping her, she screamed and fought and thankfully she was near the ravine. Fitz, Owen and Jay heard her screams and went running, they found her and fought the guys. Fitz spent the next six months at the correctional school for stabbing one of the guys. Bianca meanwhile spent the next few weeks at our place and she and Drew began dating. Then two years ago Bianca was raped by one of the men her aunt brought home. Her aunt was passed out drunk at the time and told the police Bianca was making it up. It didn't matter there was evidence from the rape kit the guy confessed and was sentenced to two years. Bianca was removed and put in a group home but after six months she placed back with her aunt who was considered fit again. In spite of it all Bianca nearly always has a chipper attitude and smile on her face, she's very smart and excels in school, she loves dancing and she stands up for her friends.

"I can't believe it's been a year already," K.C. comments walking in with Maya.

"Not at all," Maya shakes her head coming over and hugging Adam before giving him a soft kiss.

K.C. Guthrie is tall and lanky with honey brown hair and hazel green eyes. He's 15 like me and Adam, on the basketball team with Drew and his best friend. K.C. is very bright, likes to skateboard and was my first ever boyfriend, for about five minutes. He's a good guy and a good friend. Maya Guthrie is his younger sister, also tall and lanky she has blonde hair and blue eyes. Maya will be in grade nine this year but she's only nine months younger than Adam and I. Maya grew up with us, she's always shared a love of music with Adam and at the beginning of summer she and Adam began dating. K.C. and Maya's dad is doing ten years for making and distributing drugs. Their mom Lisa is very nice and a good mom but she works all the time just to support her kids, so she's almost never around and when she is she's very tired so they're pretty much left to take care of themselves day to day. K.C. works at Little Miss Steaks to help out but he only works part time as a dishwasher.

"Come on we're all going out you're not staying inside all day, let's go sit on the beach of something," Owen insists coming in with his younger brother Tris.

Tristan is Maya's best friend, he's got reddish brown hair when he's not dying it platinum blonde. The only characteristic Tris shares with Owen is their deep blue eyes. Tris is tall and lanky, he has a slight build and doesn't play sports, Tris prefers the theatre. Tristan has been openly gay since he first realized it, something we all accepted and supported but not everyone does. Tris is often picked on and has been teased and even beaten up before. Owen is fiercely protective of all his friends he is especially protective of Tristan and anyone that messes with Tristan has to face the wrath of Owen and the rest of us but particularly Owen.

"Let's go to the beach," Adam speaks for both of us because I can't seem to speak still.

"Paige is taking the day off I'll tell her to meet us at the beach," Spinner says. Paige is Spinner's longtime girlfriend; they've dated on and off since grade ten. They've been solid for the last couple of years, ever since Paige returned from Banting. She went there after graduating DeGrassi but after a panic attack she decided the stress was too much and came back. Paige has had her share of problems including being raped when she was fourteen. Voluptuous, with long honey blonde hair and green bedroom eyes she's quite striking. She's been the closest thing I had to a mother; she's very nice to us and really loves Spinner. I'm sure if he didn't have the three of us to take care of he'd have asked her to marry him by now.

We grab our stuff and pile into a couple of cars then head to the beach. We all take off our shoes and sit in the sand together watching the waves. Spinner and Adam sit on either side of me, Drew next to Adam and we're all remembering Dad in our own way. Everyone else is here for our support, to help us mourn and remember and keep us from breaking down. Paige joins us on the beach and we stay there for hours, occasionally one of us will share a story about Dad but aside from that we sit in silence. When other people start to get hungry we go to Swiss Chalet but my brother's and I don't eat. After Dad died I didn't eat for two weeks, I lost a bunch of weight but eventually I was forced to eat. I won't stop eating again but I don't feel like eating today. We stay together all day, everyone stays at our house very late but eventually most of them have to get home. By two in the morning the only people left at our house, who don't live here, are Bianca and Paige. Spinner and Paige go to bed first, then Drew and Bianca, now it's just me and Adam.

"I miss him Adam," I almost whisper as I lay my head on my twin's shoulder.

"I know I miss him too."

"I didn't sleep at all last night, I kept thinking that I'd wake up and find you dead, or Drew or Spinner dead in your bed like I found Dad."

"We're not going anywhere Clare," Adam assures me.

"That's exactly what Dad used to say."

**(BIANCA)**

The Saturday afternoon heat kept me from venturing out, especially since Drew was working tonight. So I was watching TV until my auntie came home sucking face with some guy. He doesn't say anything but I know by the look in his eye what he's thinking. He's thinking that as soon as he's done with her he's going to try me. That's only ever happened once and I'll kill someone if they ever try again. As soon as they're in Auntie's room I grab my purse and go down to my car, but it won't start I'll have to ask Jay and Sean to fix it again. So I walk to Drew's house, it's less than a block away anyway. He might be at work but I'm sure someone will be home, even if they aren't I know where the spare key is and they never mind when I'm at the house. I don't see any of the cars but I see lights on so I knock and Clare answers.

"Hey Bianca," she says with a sad smile. The anniversary of her father's death had her depressed, for good reason. She barely spoke and didn't eat on Thursday, the anniversary of her father's death. Yesterday she ate a little and spoke a little more but the normally sarcastic, witty and cheerful girl was sallow and sad. It tore my heart to see her this way, she is one of the best people I know and to see her so forlorn and lost was honestly quite depressing.

"Hey Doll how you feeling?" I question hugging her and stepping in.

"Better," she says although she doesn't particularly sound it.

"Is everyone gone?" I question.

"Drew and Spin are working and Adam's out with Maya," she tells me.

"Well let's go out and do something, a movie or Above the Dot," I suggest.

"How about a party, there must be one," Clare says perking up a little but she has slight tone in her voice I can't quite place.

"Okay a party," I nod since honestly I could use a party myself.

Clare is already dressed in a black denim skirt and red t-shirt that hangs off one shoulder and shows her black bra strap. Clare is quite short at five foot two but she has curves most girls would kill for, and her brothers wish she didn't have. On top of her generous chest attracting her a fair amount of attention in the last few years she's begun dressing to show her body. Not slutty by any means but complimentary to her curves and hinting at more, like her loose shirt that slips off her shoulder. The other thing that draws boys in like flies to an open sugar bowl is her ethereal blue eyes, they're so intensely luminous and sparkling it's if God took two shining gems and made them Clare's eyes.

The reason she's only ever had one real boyfriend, who she only dated for a month and is Drew's best friend, is because she's the baby in a family of three boys and she's the only girl. They're all quite protective of each other having lost their mother and now their father, but as she's the baby and the only girl her brothers are more protective of her. Because everyone we hang out with has grown up with Spinner and Drew, they've all just adopted that same protectiveness when it comes to her. After I was attacked near the ravine they became even more protective. Also Jay, Owen, Sean and the other boys went around threatening every guy at the school to never lay a hand on any of us girls. No one at DeGrassi really knew Maya yet so it didn't bother her, and I began dating Drew so it didn't bother me. It did bother Clare though, but as we're always hanging out in one group anyway it's not like many guys had the nerve to approach her anyway. And those that did usually presumed she's with Fitz because that's what it looks like if you don't know any better.

After walking a few blocks we find a party, we're still in Riverdale and I recognize some of the people here but I have no idea whose party this is. I text Drew telling him where we are since he'll be off in an hour or so and he can come join us as soon as he's off. Clare and I walk in with our arms linked and straight to the kitchen counter where all the liquor is set up. I make a rum in coke while Clare just takes a wine cooler. We sip our drinks and walk through the party a bit mingling a little and getting eyed by a lot of guys but most don't approach.

"I love this song let's dance," Clare exclaims downing the rest of her drink and I put mine down.

We dance to the song and then go stand near the back door since it's warm inside. Clare's leaning in the doorway and fanning herself while I'm watching a guy dance really horribly but thinks he's fantastic because he's drunk, and I don't notice Clare take the jell-o shot before I can stop her.

"Yumm those are awesome," Clare says until the alcohol hits her, "yech those are gross. Whoo and full of alcohol."

"That's the idea, what's your name?" Asks the guy who gave her the shot.

"Clare Mason," she responds.

"Mason like Drew Mason?" He questions.

"Yeah he's my boyfriend and her older brother," I inform him with a bit of a glare.

"I was on the football team with Drew when I was at DeGrassi last year," he comments.

"Really and what do you do now?" Clare asks wavering as she feels the effects of the vodka.

"I'll be going to York in a couple of weeks," he responds.

"Ooh a college boy huh?" Clare grins and I know that inflection in her voice. She's in a reckless mood and that's bad. It means she doesn't care much what happens to her at the moment but I do.

"Wanna dance?" The guy questions pulling her up before she can answer.

"Hey get b…" I start but I'm pulled by another guy, one who is quite drunk and laughing. I elbow him in the stomach and get away but now I've lost Clare. I start looking for her but she's nowhere to be seen, I do however see Drew coming in with Owen. "Hey B," Drew grins capturing my lips for a tender kiss, "where's my sister?"

"Well I sort of lost her."

**Update next Saturday picking up from here, having some more summer fun and we'll also see Johnny, Lucas, Zig and Emma.**


	2. You're a Night Girl Come Dance with Me

**Thanks to everyone who read, followed and/or favorited last week and especially to those that took the time to review.**

**Stealing cars is illegal and is not an activity I condone, this story is fictional and for entertainment purposes only.**

**Ch. 2 You're a Night Girl Come Dance with Me**

**(OWEN)**

"Where's my sister?" Drew questions when he releases Bianca's lips from the kiss.

"Well I sort of lost her," Bianca admits.

"You lost her?! How could you lose her?" Drew exclaims with a slight growl as he narrows his eyes at his girlfriend.

"She took a jell-o shot while I was watching a guy dance stupidly and then the guy that gave her the jell-o shot took her to dance. I tried to stop her and some other guy grabbed me, by the time I got him off me Clare had disappeared with jell-o shot guy. I was looking for them when you two came in," Bianca explains.

"Let's just split up and look for her," I say.

Drew takes Bianca by the hand and walk out back, knowing teenage guys the way I do I decide to start upstairs. When the doors won't open I pick the lock, the first door is a couple in the middle of fucking and don't even look over when I open the door but I know it's not Clare. There's an open door to a washroom and then a closet so the next door which isn't locked is the master bedroom. Clare is in here, laying on a bed and giggling as she gets kissed by Brad Miller who I know from the football team and DeGrassi last year when he was a senior.

"Clare," I call to her.

"Hi Owen, this is Brad," she tells me.

"Yeah I know Brad and he needs to stop kissing on you," I say making my voice firm at the end.

"Dude either join in or go away," Brad responds barely taking his lips from Clare's skin.

"Brad get off of her or I'll make you. You know she's Drew's baby sister," I remind him taking a few more steps into the room.

"Yeah but she's a lot more fun to tackle than Drew," Brad grins and Clare giggles again.

"Dude I told you to get the hell off of her," I say going over and grabbing him by the back of the shirt and pulling him off of her.

"Owen that wasn't nice," Clare frowns at me.

"Just be glad I found you and not Drew," I comment picking her up over my shoulder. Brad's already left the room, probably downstairs hitting on some other girl. I start walking downstairs and Drew and Bianca are walking up. "Found her she was with Brad Miller in the master they hadn't gotten very far. He's gone I'll take her outside for some air," I tell them.

"I'm not that drunk," Clare argues while using my ass cheeks for a drum.

"Get her outside," Drew says walking behind me and lifting Clare's face, "stay with Owen and I won't tell Spinner that you were drunk and in a bedroom with a guy that graduated DeGrassi."

"Tttbbhhbtt," Clare blows a raspberry at her brother in response.

"I got her, pretty sure I'm way more qualified to lecture her on the evils of drinking than you are," I tell Drew.

"Drinking isn't evil boys with jello-o shots are evil," Clare responds.

"Well she's got that part right at least," I remark.

"Owen will take care of her and since he took her from a bedroom that means that one is free," Bianca says dragging Drew away by the t-shirt and he grins carnally. I walk down a couple of steps and Clare groans.

"Owen can you put me right ways all the blood is in my head," she says.

"Sorry, you're not going to throw up are you?"

"No," she says as I put her down and take her hand just to be sure she won't vanish. We get outside and I sit her on the steps. "You know this isn't the first time I've been drunk," she says laying her head in my lap.

"Yes I know," I reply.

"And you know I won't have a hangover tomorrow," she comments looking at up at me fingering my shirt.

"I know that's why no one else will know you were drinking."

"Then I don't need to be lectured," she says sounding less and less drunk the more she talks.

"Disappearing with some guy into a bedroom after taking a jell-o shot from him, and knowing he'll be in college this year, deserves it's own lecture."

"Do you know that you're hot?"

"I've had a girl or two tell me before," I grin.

"Have you any idea how hard it is to be constantly surrounded by hot guys and have them all be taken, be your brother or act like they're your brother?"

"I'm sure Tris can relate, only none of us are gay so maybe not," I remark and she giggles.

"It's like an unending torture," she tells me sitting up suddenly and straddling my lap with her arms around my neck. Before I can stop her she crushes her lips to mine!

I've grown up with Clare; I've known Drew and the whole family forever. It's not like I didn't notice when she started getting a figure and breasts, it was pretty hard not to, but she's Drew's little sister which to me means off limits. I try to think of her as a little sister, or I could never sleep at Drew's house again, but with her lips smashed to mine and her tongue probing my bottom lip it's really hard to remember that she's Drew's little sister. I start to open my mouth and someone stumbles out from inside. It distracts me enough that I pull away to look at them and come to my senses.

"Clare stop," I say pulling her away from me and off my lap.

"Why?"

"Because you're like my little sister Clare," I reply standing up.

"Agghhh I have three older brothers I don't need another one," she comments standing up and crossing her arms.

"Maybe you do considering the way you're behaving."

"What would you know? You have no idea how hard it is to be the youngest and the only girl in the family, with three older brothers who have no idea what to do with a girl. They'd like to pretend I have no sexual urges at all. If Maya wasn't dating my transgender brother I'm pretty sure K.C. would have fitted her with a chastity belt and she's only got one older brother. You know Emma had to take me to get my first box of tampons, Paige took me to get my first bra and Bianca took me to get birth control."

"Well at least you have girls to…you're on birth control? You're still a virgin right?"

"Wouldn't you like to know," she replies and goes back inside before I can stop her.

"Hey Owen," I hear Adam's voice and see him walking up with Maya.

"Hey guys, you know your sister can be a real handful," I comment.

"Yeah I know where is she?"

"She went inside," I tell them and we all walk inside.

At least this time Clare hasn't vanished; in fact she is quite visible as she dances on the armchair. Swaying her hips to the upbeat song and lifting her skirt a little with each shift of her pelvis. She's got a couple of guys watching her but they're not touching her, yet.

"I want a drink," Maya says.

"I'll get you some water," Adam replies.

"No I want alcohol," Maya responds.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on now?" Adam asks her and she shakes her head. "Can you watch Clare for a second while I get Maya a drink?" Adam requests.

"Yeah I'll watch her," I nod and Adam takes Maya to get something to drink.

I watch Clare a moment, she continues dancing to the music and batting her eyes at the guys watching her. She's teasing them by toying with her clothes but isn't really showing anything just being a tease and keeping them anticipating a peek. Until she notices me watching her and then she grabs one of the guys by the shoulders and smashes her lips to his like she did with me a few moments ago. Unlike me he does not push her away, in fact he puts his hands on her waist and starts lifting her skirt a little more.

"Hey Owen what's going on?" Jay questions.

I look away from Clare to look at Jay, he's not alone he came with Sean, Fitz, Lucas, Johnny and Zig. Which means about the only people we know that aren't at this party are K.C., Spin, Paige and Sean's girlfriend Emma but I suspect she had to work tonight since she usually works nights.

"Keeping an eye on Clare," I reply.

"Yeah where is she?" Fitz asks.

"She's…" I look around for her but she's not standing on the chair anymore.

"Looking for someone?" Clare questions from behind us and we all turn around.

"Owen said he was keeping an eye on you," Jay replies.

"I'm sure he was," she winks.

"You were on the chair a minute ago," I comment.

"Not everyone is afraid to kiss me Owen," she says.

"You kissed her?" Lucas asks but before I can tell them she kissed me Adam comes over.

"Hey Maya drank two jell-o shots and a wine cooler in like five minutes and she passed out cold on the sofa," Adam announces.

"HEY ANYONE WHO SO MUCH AS LOOKS AT THE BLONDE ON THE SOFA WILL HAVE THEIR FACES REARRANGED BY ALL OF US!" Jay yells over the music. Everyone looks over at us and decide they don't want to even attempt to mess with all of us.

"Thanks I'm going to get some water and sit with Maya," Adam tells us.

"I'm going to go dance," Clare remarks walking past me and I grab the back of her skirt.

"Dance with someone you know," I tell her.

"Hey Tribal," she calls to a boy with a tribal looking tattoo on his leg.

"You mean me?" He questions.

"Yeah what's your name?"

"Lex," he replies.

"Now I know him," she says looking at me then looks back at him, "you want to dance?"

"Sure," he smiles.

"That's not what I meant Clare," I scold her as the guy pulls her to him and she sticks her tongue out at me.

"So when did you kiss her?" Johnny asks as we watch her dance to the fast song with that Lex guy.

"On the porch and she kissed me, she was also tipsy at the time," I inform them.

"The anniversary of her dad's death hit her hard, she's just acting out a little," Fitz says.

"Thank you Doctor Fitzgerald," Sean says in a snarky tone to his brother and Fitz twists his face at him.

"Hey the gangs all here," Drew remarks coming down the stairs with his arm around Bianca, "well almost and don't tell me we lost Clare again."

"No she's right there dancing with a guy named Lex," I tell him pointing to her.

"Okay I think I better get her out of here before she stirs up any more trouble," Drew remarks.

"Yeah you should probably take Adam and Maya too, she drank herself unconscious," I point out pointing to the two of them on the sofa.

"Yep time to leave, we can continue this party at home," Drew nods. "Adam let's go," Drew calls to him.

"I'll grab Clare," I tell Drew and walk over to where she's dancing. "Clare time to go," I say pushing Lex away from her.

"Hey we're dancing," he gripes trying to pull her back to him.

"Not anymore she's going home, c'mon your brothers are leaving time to go," I insist pulling her hand. "I never said I was afraid to kiss you," I whisper to her when Lex turns away.

"Then next time don't push me off your lap," she grins and then saunters over to Bianca taking her hand and I watch the two girls walk out.

"What was that about?" Lucas asks after they leave.

"An invitation to trouble."

**(ADAM)**

"I'm going to shower," Clare says when we get home.

"I'll text K.C. and let him know that Maya's sleeping here," Drew tells me pulling Bianca into his room.

"And I'll get Maya to bed," I respond taking Maya into my room.

She's slept over before but never in my room and not as my girlfriend. I've known Maya forever but we've only been dating a couple of months. I don't know when my crush on her actually developed, sometime after we began jamming together, just fooling around playing music. I asked K.C. before I ever asked Maya out and he told me to go for it, he was quite happy I think to know she was going to be with someone he knew really well. Not to mention someone who doesn't want to be very physical, while trapped in this wrong body, and who can't exactly have sex with her and get her pregnant.

Maya's dead to the world so I get her shoes and socks off, get her out of her dress and put her in one of my shirts. After tucking her into my bed I go out to the living room to watch TV. I hear Clare turn off the shower and go into the hallway waiting for her to come out. She opens the washroom door and jumps a little when she sees me in the dark hallway.

"I thought you'd be with Maya," she comments.

"Maya is out cold, she's sleeping in my bed," I reply following my sister into her room. She closes her curtains and gets her pajamas and a pair of panties from her dresser and begins changing. "I miss him too you know," I tell her and she turns to look at me slipping on her pajama top.

"I know," she says walking over and sitting on her bed, I sit next to her and put my arm around her. "For the last two weeks all I dream about is waking up and finding him dead Adam. I can't sleep and I'm afraid of losing all of you, and don't tell me you're not going anywhere because that's what dad always said," Clare tells me putting her head on my shoulder and I hug her tightly.

"Dad is gone but you're not alone and it's very unlikely that you're going to wake up and find one of us dead again. I'm sorry you had to be the one to find Dad but don't do something harmful to yourself because you miss Dad. Wandering alone at night and being drunk in a bedroom with some random guy is harmful. You could have been raped or worse," I admonish her.

"How'd you know?"

"I'm your twin I know you, plus I can feel you and read your thoughts sometimes," I remind her.

"You didn't tell Spinner or Drew did you?" She inquires.

"They don't need to know everything, besides it's not like they didn't cause their own share of trouble," I comment and Clare laughs. "I'm going to check on Maya and then what do you say to a Monty Python marathon?"

"Sounds great," she grins.

Maya's still sound asleep and when I go out to the living room Spin and Paige are home. They say goodnight to us and go back to Spin's room. Clare and I stay up late watching movies and I sleep on the sofa since Maya's in my room. She wakes up early, I hear her run into the washroom and throw up, I follow her in and hold her hair. When she's done and sinks against the wall I get her a cup of water.

"I feel worse than death why do people drink if this is what happens after?"

"Doesn't happen to everyone and if you don't drink so much so fast next time you may not get a hangover," I comment as she drinks the water. "You going to throw up again?" I inquire and she shakes her head. "Come on let's get you back to bed then," I say helping her up and getting her back to my room.

"Will you lay down with me?" She asks lying in my bed.

"If you'll tell me what's up with you tonight, why you were so upset you wanted to drink?"

"We heard from Kevin," Maya informs me. Kevin would be her and K.C.'s father.

"Oh," I respond lying down and holding her tightly.

"He wants to see us Adam, but I just can't I hate him and I never want to see him again," she says turning into me and sobbing on my chest.

"You won't have to Maya," I assure her stroking her hair, "I promise you won't have to."

She cries herself to sleep in my arms so I stay in the bed with her and fall back asleep. We both wake up when we hear Drew and Bianca making breakfast. Maya says she's not hungry and just wants a shower so I get dressed and go out to the kitchen. Clare's on the sofa drinking coffee while Drew, Bianca, Spinner and Paige are making pancakes in the kitchen. I get coffee and sit with Clare on the sofa since there's nowhere for me to be in the kitchen. Maya goes straight from the shower to laying in my bed again but the rest of us eat. Clare's almost done eating when her cell phone rings, we can hear the ringtone from her bedroom and she runs to get it. She's in there a few minutes and then comes back to the kitchen with a slightly worried look in her eye.

"Has anyone heard from K.C.? That was Jenna, she can't get a hold of him, she went to his apartment and he's not there. Lisa's at work and Maya's here but I tried calling K.C. and his phone is off," she tells us.

"I sent him a text last night to tell him Maya was here but I don't know that I ever heard back from him," I tell her getting up to get my phone. I walk into my room and find my phone, K.C. never got back to me. I hear Drew going into his room probably to look at his phone. Maya's asleep but I check her phone, her last text from K.C. was two days ago. "He hasn't been in touch with me or Maya," I tell them.

"Me either," Drew says.

"Jenna's on her way over, she's really worried," Clare says.

We finish eating and start cleaning up when the doorbell rings Clare answers and Jenna comes in.

"We were supposed to go out last night but he canceled on me last minute. He wouldn't tell me why just said he'd call me this morning but I've been trying him for over an hour and his phone is off. Lisa said she didn't hear from him this morning, I didn't want to worry her so I didn't say anything," Jenna tells us.

"Maya told me their dad contacted them, she was upset about it and drank herself unconscious last night. I knew something was bothering her but she didn't tell me what until the hangover hit her very early this morning," I inform everyone.

"K.C. hates his dad, I'm really worried guys," Jenna frets.

"Relax we'll split up and go find him," Drew assures her.

"Paige and I will drive up toward the prison on the off chance he decided to go confront his dad," Spinner says.

"Maya's crashed out in my bedroom I'll stay here with her. One of us should be here anyway in case K.C. comes by," I speak up.

Even before Dad died our house was like the central hub for everyone. People just gathered here, dropped in and out, slept over when they needed a place to crash. Sean and Fitz sleep here a lot when things with their mom are tense. Jay crashed here a lot before getting his own place, still does sleep here on occasion when he doesn't want to drive home.

"B and I will check The Dot and places around school," Drew says.

"Jenna and I can look downtown," Clare offers.

Everyone gets ready and leaves, I check on Maya and she's still asleep, I'm hoping she stays asleep because I don't really want to tell her that her brother is missing.

**(CLARE)**

"Can we just get out of these alleyways I don't think K.C. would be in here," Jenna begs.

"If K.C. was looking for trouble last night he would have gone to the places he would have found it," I reply.

Drew and Bianca dropped us off downtown and we'd already walked through but hadn't seen K.C. anywhere. We were heading away from downtown now, we were in a fairly seedy part of town and combing the back alleys because I was fairly certain K.C. had gone to a bar and gotten drunk before passing out in an alley. He could pass for 19 and he has a fake ID so getting into the bars would have been easy.

We're currently in an alley behind a stripper bar, I didn't think K.C. would have come here but you never knew what K.C. might do when he was upset. Jenna seems more afraid of the guy at the end of the alley who's leering at us like we're dinner. He doesn't worry me I know where to kick, also I see Fitz with Lucas and Zig across the street and I whistle to them. A code whistle we all use when we need to find each other in big crowds. The guys hear it and look over, walking over when they see us. Lucas pushes the guy out of the way violently even though the guy hasn't done anything but look at us. But that's Lucas for you, as hot as he is dangerous.

"What in the hell are you two doing down here alone?" Lucas asks and then looks at the building we're standing by, "And don't tell me you were trying to get a job."

"We're not alone we're together but we're looking for K.C. have you guys seen him?" I question and they all shake their heads.

"No one else has called to say they found him either. What if he's hurt or dead?" Jenna rambles with a worried voice.

"Let's just keep looking, we think he was looking for trouble last night which is why we were looking down here," I tell them.

"I've heard him talk about Buck's before, he said he could make a lot of money hustling people at pool," Zig comments.

"Where is Buck's? What is Buck's?" Jenna asks.

"It's a pool bar, a very sleazy one a lot of bikers hang out there," Lucas enlightens her and Jenna looks even more worried.

"And it's near the Port Lands so we better drive," Lucas says.

We walk down to Lucas' car, a black '68 Pontiac GTO that Lucas restored. The car was left to him by his granddad and is probably the only thing he truly loves. It's also a very small car and the five of us barely fit in it.

"You can sit up front Jenna," Zig offers. Zig's had a crush on Jenna for a while, at least since the beginning of summer but she and K.C. are totally in love. She actually seems to be fairly clueless about Zig's crush but it's majorly obvious to the rest of us.

Jenna takes the passenger seat and I get squished between Fitz and Zig in the tiny backseat. Lucas drives faster than the speed limit out to Buck's, doing a 180 spin in the dirt driveway before he parks.

"You four stay here I'll go in and find out if he was even here," Lucas tells us. He gets out of the car and Zig hops out just to breathe, the force of that turn sent me into Zig and we weren't prepared for it. He leans on the car and I stretch out a little, Lucas comes out of the bar and walks back to us. "K.C. was here last night; the guy working inside recognized him and said he was playing a lot of pool. He heard a fight broke out but didn't see it, I get the feeling K.C. was involved though," Lucas tells us.

Jenna puts her head down worried about K.C. and Zig looks around and then takes off running over by the trash bin. Before he even calls for us we're off and running in that direction, once we can get out of the car anyway. Under some cardboard and behind the trash bin we find K.C., he's alive but he's been badly beaten, Jenna screams and Lucas calls 911. He's barely breathing and it sounds strained, he hasn't been stabbed or shot or anything but he's in bad shape and it seems like it takes the ambulance a really long time to get there. Jenna goes with them and the rest of us follow in Lucas' car, I call Adam on the drive to the hospital.

"We found him, he's been badly beaten. He's being taken to St. Michael's hospital," I tell my twin.

"We'll meet you down there did you call the others?"

"Not yet, I'll call Drew in a minute," I tell him.

"Okay I guess I better go wake up Maya and tell her that her brother's in the hospital," he says and hangs up.

I call Drew and then Spinner and they say they'll call everyone else. Zig calls Lisa who's just getting off work; she of course is worried and says she's on her way to the hospital. We're the first ones there but they won't let us back with K.C. and Lucas has to hold Jenna to keep her from going back to the exam room with him. Maya's crying when she arrives and Adam's holding her. Lisa hugs her daughter when she arrives and then goes straight to the nurse's station to get an update on K.C., a doctor comes out and takes her back but the rest of us sit there waiting for news.

"He's going to be okay," Lisa tells us when she comes out again. "He's got a broken nose and some cracked ribs and a lot of bruises. He's awake but he needs to rest most of you should go home. He's asking for Jenna, you can come back for a few minutes. They'll release him in a couple of days the rest of you can see him then."

"I'm sleeping at Adam's again Mom," Maya tells her and Lisa nods.

"Guess we should go home," Spinner comments when Jenna and Lisa go back down the hall.

"I need to get Maya home and get her to eat something," Adam says.

"I don't feel like going home," I tell them.

"Adam and Maya come home with us, Clare home by curfew," Spinner insists and I nod.

"I'm going back to the bar see if I can figure out who roughed up K.C. no kids allowed," Lucas comments looking at me.

"Yeah sounds good to me," Jay comments and Sean nods.

"Don't get yourselves hurt," Emma says rolling her eyes, "I have to be at work in couple of hours I should get home."

"Take my car I'll pick it up tomorrow," Sean says handing her his keys.

"You want to come to our place Zig?" Adam asks and he nods.

"Above the Dot is open," Bianca says.

"Too stuffy I want to be out, the beach or something. Downtown maybe, walk around a little and catch a movie," I suggest.

"Alright let's hit downtown, you two coming?" Owen asks Drew and Bianca.

"Yeah why not," Drew shrugs.

We all split up as we leave the hospital, Fitz &amp; I ride with Owen. We park downtown and walk around a bit before stopping for dinner. Drew and Bianca decide to go off on their own after dinner so the three of us go to a movie. Owen meets a girl at the theater and she sits with us, and flirts with Owen for the whole movie.

"Hey I'm taking Taylor for dessert, Fitz get Clare home. Make sure she gets there safe," Owen says when the movie's over and we're walking out.

"I know how to take care of her," Fitz responds with a slightly offended tone.

"I'm not helpless I can get home on my own," I tell them twisting my face at them for talking about me like I'm not here.

"No I'm taking you home, come on let's go find some wheels," Fitz says putting his arm around me.

We wave to Owen and leave the theater, walking a couple of blocks until Fitz finds a red corvette, an older model he's sure doesn't have a car alarm and he breaks in. He holds the door open for me, I get in and he hotwires the car. I know he's stolen cars before, and been arrested for it once, but this is the first time I've been a part of it. He drives carefully so as not to attract attention from the cops, he drives past my house and parks in a back alley. I get out; he takes off his shirt and wipes the car down thoroughly to erase our prints.

"Learned that in juvie, gotta make sure you get the rearview mirror," Fitz says draping his shirt around his neck as we start walking to my house.

"Just don't get arrested again," I tell him.

"I don't know I kind of like reform school, the classes are easier," he shrugs, "now let's get you home."

"Thanks you didn't have to bring me, seems like you're always the one getting stuck with me," I comment when we reach my doorstep.

"I'm not ever stuck with you, I like being with you," he says and then tips my chin up placing his lips softly on mine and seizing my lips in a gentle kiss.

**Update next Saturday and the next update will bring for Clare a summer fling that isn't Fitz can you guess who it is? Jenna nurses K.C. and everyone enjoys the last few days of summer.**


	3. This Night will Slip on by

**So the super busy tax season at work has me so discombobulated I didn't even realize that next week is Clew one shot week. Which means no long stories next week, I've been saying Until the Moment I Found You, Falling Faster than Anyone Should and Tear Stained Shadowland would be updated next week and they won't. I apologize to everyone who reads those that you'll have to wait an extra week for updates totally my bad I was not paying attention to the date or my own calendar how terrible is that? Thankfully tax season is almost over and my brain should be working again. Next week will be a lot of great Clew shots with many other favorites making appearances in various shots. Again so sorry for the oversight on my part apologies to all my wonderful readers and I hope you all enjoy Clew one shot week.**

**Ch. 3 This Night will Slip on by**

**(ADAM)**

"Hi Adam," Maya smiles letting me into their apartment and giving me a soft kiss, I know their mom is at work and Maya locks the door behind me.

"Hey how's K.C. feeling?"

"He's a lot better, he can move now but Mom still wants him to stay home for a couple of days," she tells me and we walk back to K.C.'s room.

"Hi Adam," Jenna and K.C. say at the same time. K.C.'s lying in in his bed, he's got jeans on but no shirt so you can see his ribs taped up. Jenna sits next to him on the bed.

"Hi Jenna, how you feeling K.C.?"

"Ready to get out of the house, at least I've had my ray of sunshine here to keep me company," K.C. comments picking up Jenna's hand and kissing the back of it. "And my sister," he adds as a sort of afterthought.

"Gee thanks K.C.," Maya says in a snarky tone and rolls her eyes.

"Hey I would have gone insane these last few days if not for both of you," he replies and Maya smiles. "So what's going on in the world outside this apartment, hopefully Mom will let me out again after my appointment tomorrow," K.C. comments.

"Julian's having a party tonight, most of us are going. Spin, Paige, Sean and Emma are going out tonight so they won't be there. Clare and Bianca are picking out their outfits and Drew's supervising, pretty sure he intends for Clare to go dressed like a nun," I remark.

"I wouldn't be surprised, I heard about the last party," Jenna says.

"I know you can't go out and I'm sure Jenna would rather be here with you but I came to take your sister to the party," I tell them.

"Sweet I'm going to get changed tell Mom I'm sleeping at the Mason's," Maya says leaving K.C.'s room to get changed in her room.

"Tell everyone I said hi," K.C. requests.

"Me too, is the bonfire still Saturday?" Jenna questions. Every year on the last weekend of summer all the teenagers, and sometimes twenty-something like Spin and Jay, in our neighborhood get together on the beach for a huge bonfire and BBQ.

"Yeah you guys will be there right?"

"Yeah we'll be there," K.C. nods.

"Okay I'm ready," Maya says skipping back into the room. She's wearing a pink skirt, black scoop neck tee and a yellow belt with black shoes. "See you guys, good luck at your appointment tomorrow," Maya tells her brother and kisses his cheek, waves to Jenna and grabs my hand pulling me to the front door.

"Eager to leave?" I tease her as we leave the apartment and she locks up.

"I've been in the apartment for two days and K.C. whines when he's hurt. I need to get out and party," Maya tells me.

"Just don't drink so much this time you missed the last party," I remind her.

"I know I know, at least we haven't heard from dad again," she replies.

I'm not old enough to drive, even though sometimes Spinner lets me take the car, so we walk the few blocks back to my house. Since Spin and the others don't work tonight they all took off already. They wanted to have as much time as they could and may spend the night. I unlock the door and hear my brother's voice from down the hall, he's not quite yelling but he's angry.

"No you are not wearing that!"

"What's wrong with it?" Clare asks.

"That's not clothes," Drew argues.

"I better go see what's going on," I say to Maya. She keeps hold of my hand and we walk back to Clare's room together.

"Hey Maya's pink, yellow and black and I'm red and black so you should be black and white," Bianca comments.

Clare's wearing black denim shorts and a long black t-shirt with the sleeves cut up a little. Other than the denim hot pants being a little short I don't see what's wrong with the outfit.

"Oh I have a white lace top that would go great with these shorts," Clare smiles.

"You can wear jeans and hoodie," Drew tells her.

"Drew it's sweltering outside she's going to bake in clothes like that," Bianca remarks.

"You're not helping," Drew responds twisting his face at Bianca.

"What gave you the idea I was supposed to help you," Bianca shoots back. Drew growls and smacks her ass lightly.

"I think you look nice Clare," Maya says.

"Thanks Maya," Clare grins.

"The outfit isn't that bad," I agree.

"You know how teenage guys are and how she is," Drew argues.

"How's this?" Clare asks pulling a white lace teddy from her drawer. Drew growls again clenching his fists and Clare starts laughing.

"She's joking Drew," I assure him.

"I just like to make that vein pop out on your forehead," Clare giggles. Bianca and Maya are also laughing and even I'm smiling.

"Why do you even have that?! When did you get that?" Drew demands taking the lingerie from Clare.

"Alright obviously she's not going to wear that, let's go change and let Maya and Bianca help Clare find something to wear. We're all going to this party we can all keep an eye on her," I say to Drew letting go of Maya's hand and putting my hand on his shoulder to take him out of the room.

"Not if I can help it," Clare calls as we leave her room and Drew growls again.

"She's just teasing," I remind him, "she just likes to annoy you when you treat her like a baby."

"She says she doesn't want to find one of us dead again but she tries awfully hard to give me a heart attack," Drew complains and I shoot him a look. "Okay maybe she's not trying but she…"

"She's rebelling Drew, she's the only girl in this family and she feels isolated. She's treated different because of it and not just by us, by everyone. She's a fifteen year old girl she's going to be a pain in the ass for at least the next few years and she doesn't have a mom to help her. She's got Em, Paige and B but it's not quite the same."

"Yeah well you didn't rebel," Drew responds.

"I was born in a girl's body I've been rebelling since I was six. Besides you have to admit we have a double standard with her because she's a girl," I point out.

"What do you mean?"

"If I came to you tomorrow and said I did anything sexual with Maya what would you say?"

"I'd say awesome way to go," Drew replies with a smile.

"And if Clare told you she got to second base with a guy?"

Drew's posture changes, he stiffens up and clenches his fists, "Some guy would be dead meat!"

"How old you were when you lost your virginity?"

"Fifteen you know that," Drew responds.

"And how old was Bianca when you swiped your V-cards together?"

"Fifteen same as me you already know this Adam," Drew replies getting annoyed with my line of questioning.

"Yeah and how old is Clare?"

"Too damn young to do anything including kiss," Drew says with a growl.

"She's exactly the same age Bianca was."

"But it's different, Bianca's my girlfriend and Clare's my sister," Drew counters but his voice starts to get soft at the end as he realizes the double standard. "Yeah well she's your sister too are you telling me you want her to let her be sexual any guy?"

"No of course not if she told me that she had any sort of sexual encounter I'd have the same reaction as you. I'd want to the kill the guy and it's not just us and Spinner, she's our little sister but she's become the gangs little sister. I think it's why we didn't even blink when we knew Fitz was with her all night the other night. Because we think they all think of her like a little sister but they don't, I'm certain Fitz doesn't I don't think even Owen does. If I wasn't transgender and didn't want to be physical do you think K.C. would be so happy that I was dating Maya?"

"No he'd probably kill you. Great so what do we do because I see how guys look at her and I want to cut all their eyes out," Drew comments.

"Dude I don't know I feel the same way you do and if it were up to us we'd probably lock her in a tower with a chastity belt to keep her safe. Clare's not stupid, she's not reckless well not usually, she's not going to go to a party dressed in lingerie. She doesn't want to attract that kind of attention; she just doesn't like it when we try to control her. Tell her no and she'll want to do it more."

"You know it sucks being the older brother sometimes," Drew remarks.

"Well it's no picnic being the younger sibling either, now I'm going to go change for the party," I tell him and go to my room.

I change into jeans and a black t-shirt with a red button up over it, which I leave unbuttoned. Drew changed too but he's just wearing black jeans and a black t-shirt. The girls are also ready to go; Clare is wearing a black and white striped dress and white wedge sandals. Drew smiles when he sees her relieved that she's not dressed in lingerie. The six of us squeeze into Drew's car and head to Julian's house. Julian lives on the other side of Riverdale with the wealthy people; he's got a big three story house with a huge backyard.

"Let's go get something to drink," Bianca says pulling Drew away.

"Hey guys," Jay grins walking over with Fitz.

"You look nice Clare," Fitz smiles.

"Thanks," she smiles back and looks at me, "I'm gonna mingle."

"Hey be good," I tell her.

"We'll watch her," Jay assures me.

"I'm thirsty," Maya says when they walk away.

"Then let's go find the bar and I'll get my lady a drink," I smile putting my arm around her.

Maya grins and turns to me pressing her lips to mine for a happy kiss.

**(OWEN)**

"Hey Joey's opening the gate to his yard and we're gonna get in the hot tub want to come?" Julian offers. I've been at his party a couple hours now; I saw Drew and the others when they arrived. Drew and Bianca disappeared upstairs a little while ago. Maya and Adam were dancing and now she's sitting on his lap in the gazebo and talking with Fiona and Imogen. Not sure where Clare went but last time I saw her she was with Fitz and Jay.

"Yeah sounds good you got an extra suit?" I ask.

Julian nods and we go up to his room, ignoring the couple going at it on his bed. Julian gives me a pair of black board shorts and we take turns in the washroom to change. Joey will be in tenth this year with Clare and Adam and he has the house right next to Julian, they have a gate that opens between the two yards and Julian's party is already bleeding through to Joey's yard. It's the middle of the week but Joey said his parents were out and Julian's parents are gone on a vacation.

"Hey guys help me get this cover off," Joey requests.

We go over and help him get the cover off just as three girls come out of Joey's house wrapped in towels. Marisol is one of them, she came prepared wearing a yellow string bikini, another cheerleader is with her but I don't remember the girl's name. The other girl is Clare and when she takes off the towel my mouth drops open, she must have borrowed a suit. A little black thing with silver and black beads on the strings over both hips, and the same beads on the string between the cups on the bikini top, there isn't much material and I don't know if her breasts are going to stay in.

"Holy crap Clare looks g…"

"Don't even finish that sentence or I will have to kill you both," I tell Julian.

"Why are we standing here while the three hot girls are getting into the hot tub?" Joey asks.

We run over and get in the tub, Julian sits next to the chick whose name I don't remember and Joey sits with Marisol. I sit next to Clare, right next to her putting my arms on the back of the hot tub so no one else gets in.

"What are you wearing?" I inquire.

"Marisol brought an extra suit do you like it?" She smiles.

"It looks like floss on you," I reply.

"Yes well I was going to just wear my bra and panties but Sally didn't think it was a good idea," she informs me and I realize Sally is the other cheerleader.

"I think that might have been better, not that you don't look good because you do it's just…just that you…"

"Don't look so much like Drew's baby sister just now?" She asks with a definite flirtatious purr in her tone.

I look over at the other four but they aren't paying any attention to us. I look around Joey's yard, I see a lot of people I know but I don't see Drew or Adam, or even Jay and Fitz.

"Yeah," I nod.

"Owen Milligan I do believe you're turned on," she grins salaciously and licks her lips.

Before I can even think of a reply Clare gets up and straddles my lap, her arms around my neck and she captures my lips. Okay so my lips surrender the second she's on my lap but it's not my fault I'm a guy and there's a hot girl on my lap. My hands go to her waist and I open my mouth for her, she moves in my lap and her fingers brush through my hair. Her tongue slides into my mouth, probing around and I become certain this is not the first time she's done this. Her tongue wraps around mine, massaging it in a way that sends tingles down my body to my growing erection and I know she feels it poking at her. Clare withdraws her tongue and pulls at my bottom lip as she pulls away; sitting up suddenly gets off my lap.

"You might want to hide that Adam's coming," she tells me looking at my erection. She puts her arms on the back of the hot tub and lays her head back. I cover my erection with my hands and look over my shoulder just as Maya and Adam come through the fence to Joey's yard.

"How'd you know they were coming?" I whisper to Clare.

"It's a twin thing," she shrugs.

"Wait does Adam know we were just…"

"Probably not," she answers but that doesn't make me feel much better.

"You know I think I'm going to get out," I comment grabbing a towel and wrapping it around my waist as I jump out of the hot tub.

"Hey look a hot tub," Maya smiles.

"Yeah uh you can have my spot," I tell them and Adam gives me a look but then he sees Clare's swimsuit.

"Get dressed," Adam tells her.

"But I'm in the hot tub," she replies

"Clothes before Drew sees you and that vein in his forehead bursts," Adam asserts.

"Fine," she huffs getting out of the hot tub. This vision does not help my erection, she stands and the water trickles down her curves. "My clothes are upstairs Owen come with me to get them," Clare says.

"No I'll get them Owen stay with her," Adam instructs.

Clare gets a towel and I stand behind her hiding my erection while Maya starts laughing. Adam comes back with Clare's clothes and hands them to her then she follows me back to Julian's to change. I left my clothes in Julian's room and it's empty, now that the couple is gone, and Clare follows me in.

"What are you doing?" I question.

"Changing," she responds closing and locking the door to Julian's room.

"Clare you can't just…"

"You weren't arguing in the hot tub," she cuts me off.

"And then Adam saw and nearly killed me," I remind her.

"You're not afraid of Adam," Clare counters.

"By himself not so much but you have two older and bigger brothers not to mention their friends, who also happen to be my friends," I point out.

"They don't need to know," she replies dropping her clothes and walking over to me. Her arms go around my neck and she overtakes my lips, only briefly before tugging at my bottom lip as she pulls away, "They never found out about the others."

"Uh others? What oth…uhhhh," I choke on my word as Clare's hand gropes my erection through the board shorts.

Clare unlaces the board shorts tugging them down and then she grabs my cock. I start to moan and she takes my lips again, pushing me on the bed she sits on my lap. She continues kissing me and giving me a hand job, I've lost all my train of thought. I don't care one little bit that she's Drew's little sister or that I'll die if he ever finds out. Clare rubs my length and circles her thumb around the head. She bites my lip lightly and strokes me harder and faster until I explode; my sperm shoots up between us getting on my stomach and her hand. As soon as I'm done she hops off my lap and cleans her hand with the towel. Then she changes right in front of me so I sit there and watch the show.

"About these other guys," I comment as I grab the towel to clean up and she's just finishing getting dressed.

"Never mind about them, you don't need to know either and there have only been a few. Now next time," she says sitting on the bed to get her shoes on, "you think about me as Drew's little sister," she pauses getting on her other shoe and then stands up with her hands on my shoulders, "think about what we just did."

With that Clare leaves the room, I don't even have a reaction for what just happened. I clean up and dress as quickly as I can leaving Julian's room just as Lucas leaves the washroom, I didn't even know he was here.

"What's wrong with you?" Lucas questions.

"I…" I stumble pointing into the room behind me, "Clare…uh…never mind let's go enjoy the party."

"What were you doing with Clare in the bedroom?"

"Nothing we did nothing, that's my story and I'm sticking to it. That way no one has any reason to kill me," I tell him as we go downstairs.

"Uh huh so how was it?"

"You know how we like to think of Clare as a little kid and like a nun or something so we never think of hitting on her?"

"Yeah," Lucas nods.

"She is so not either of those things and I'll never be able to think of her that way again," I reply and Lucas laughs.

**(CLARE)**

"Everyone grab something," Spinner says as he parks at the beach.

It's a small hike to the beach; the beach itself is surrounded by a strip of woods. It's the last bonfire of summer, school starts on Monday. Owen parks next to us and when I smile he looks away.

"Do I want to know why Owen can't look at you anymore?" Paige inquires as we each grab a tote and start walking to the beach.

"Let's just say he doesn't think of me as a little kid anymore," I respond and Paige laughs.

"I'm surprised your brothers haven't said anything," she comments.

"They like to pretend I've never done anything and as long as they like to pretend that they don't ask questions."

It's late afternoon so the bonfire isn't going yet but I see all the wood stacked up for it. Paige and I put down our totes in the sand claiming a spot for the gang. We spread out the towels and I sit down leaning back on the towel. I take off my flip flops and set them in the sand. Owen puts his stuff as far away from me as he can get. Adam and Maya sit on the other side of me. Lucas is tossing a football with Jay and Emma comes over to sit with us, I see Zig and Johnny near the food but no sign of Sean or Fitz.

"Where are the Fitzgerald boys?" Paige asks Emma.

"They're mom got drunk and got in a fight at a bar last night and she's was in the hospital last night. She's been arrested for the fight so they're bailing her out and Sean is trying to work off the damages she made at the bar. I told Sean we could help but he said to come and enjoy the bonfire. They won't make it tonight," Emma informs us.

"Well that sucks," I sigh.

"I'm thirsty, you want a drink Maya?" Adam questions standing up.

"Yeah a pop please," she says.

"Clare you want something?"

"Root beer please," I reply.

Adam goes off to get our drinks and I look around the beach to see who is here. Looks like just about everyone is here, except Fitz and Sean it seems. There are a few people I don't know which either means they're new to neighborhood or visiting relatives, there's a few every year. Adam returns with our drinks while Owen and Drew go to play football with Lucas and Jay. I sit on the towel for a bit and then Maya and I decide to go into the water. Adam won't go swimming but Spin and Paige come with us. I went to the mall and got a new swimsuit yesterday; when I showed Spinner how I'd outgrown the one from last year he agreed I needed one. It's lilac in color and a bikini, only not as small as the one I borrowed at Julian's party. Maya and I take the beach ball to play in the water and Adam comes down to watch us, he and Tris sit in the sand with their feet in the water. After swimming and splashing around a couple of hours I'm starving. I get out of the water and go back to our stuff, grabbing my red skirt and putting it on before walking to the food.

I grab a plate and start looking at the food and I notice a boy, a boy I don't know but plan to by the end of the night. He's across the table pouring more chips into a bowl. He's tall and has bleach blonde hair, his hair is short but he has side swept bangs which are long enough to hang over his eyes a little. His gorgeously soft brown eyes are behind glasses which only serve to accentuate their almond shape and lovely color. He's tall, as tall as Drew at least maybe even a little taller and he's leaner. He sees me and smiles; he has an incredibly charming smile.

"I'm starved, what is there to eat?" Maya asks coming over.

I look at her and away from the hot blonde, and she starts getting food, when I look back to where he was standing he's gone. He's over talking to Liam and Dave now, sigh oh well it's only afternoon yet I still have time. Paige and Spinner get food, so does Adam and we all sit back on our towels. Hot blonde is now playing volleyball; he's on a team with Anya and Liam. They're playing against Dave, Sav and Holly J. Hot blonde is now shirtless and watching him play volleyball makes a nice dinner show. I get rid of my plate after eating, get some water and watch the rest of the game. When it's over I go to the washroom, you have to go through the trees to public washrooms which are gross but better than a port-a-potty. I put on my flip-flops to walk through the trees and go to the washroom. On my way back I get grabbed suddenly and pulled into a deliciously salacious kiss. It's the hot blonde and I smile, closing my eyes, linking my arms around his neck and parting my lips.

"I'm Jeff by the way," he tells me when he breaks the kiss after several minutes.

"Nice to meet you Jeff, do you always go around pulling girls into kisses? I mean how do you know I don't have a boyfriend?" I question while slowly dragging my finger down his chest.

"I did my research, you're Clare Mason, fifteen, single and you have 3 older brothers who would kill me if they saw me kissing you. Which is why I chose to do it in the cover of the trees," he replies and I smile.

"Very clever now who do I ask to find out about you?" I query.

"Jeff McPherson, I'm seventeen and I'm only visiting have to go home tomorrow. But home is Guelph so it's not far," he replies.

"McPherson so you must be related to Anya."

"Cousins," he responds.

I smile putting my hand on his shoulder and crushing our lips together again. We keep making out hidden in the trees for a few minutes.

"CLARE," Adam calls.

"I think you're being paged," Jeff says breaking the kiss.

"Yes that would be my twin, if I don't go out there they'll come looking," I sigh.

"Well you know sunset is in about 45 minutes and most of the couples will be watching that and making out. I think we could sneak away at that point," he says and I grin.

"I know the perfect spot; meet me back here in 45 minutes."

"CLARE," Adam calls again.

"Here, I'm right here Adam," I call back stepping out of the tree line.

"We're going to walk down the beach a bit you want to come?" He asks.

"Sure," I shrug.

Adam puts his arm around Maya and we start walking, it's not just the three of us Drew, Bianca, Zig, Tris, Jay, Jenna and K.C. are with us. We walk down the beach a bit and then the guys start climbing on the rocks and the girls sit on a log, Tris sits with us and draw pictures in the wet sand. When I notice other people approaching I look up and smile when I see one of them is Jeff, he smiles back and I bite my lip.

"Mmm and what was that look about?" Jenna questions.

"What look?" I respond but I'm trying hard not to giggle.

"The look from the hot blonde," Bianca says tapping my arm with the back of her hand, "spill Clare we want details."

**Next week is Clew one shot week so this and all other long stories won't be updated until the following week. The update on Saturday the 11****th**** will pick up from here, include more of the party and probably the following day.**


	4. So Sweet You Must Taste Just Like Sugar

**Everyone ready for the handful of trouble that Clare is in this story? I hope so because she's up to quite a bit in this chapter.**

**Ch. 4 So Sweet You Must Taste Just Like Sugar**

**(CLARE)**

"Spill Clare we want details," Bianca insists.

"Every juicy one," Tris agrees.

"Okay but swear you won't tell my brothers."

"I swear I won't tell Adam," Maya nods.

"And I swear I won't tell Drew," Bianca says.

"We won't tell anyone now spill," Jenna asserts.

"He's Anya's cousin, his name is Jeff and he kissed me. He pulled me behind a tree and kissed me," I tell them and bite my lip thinking about the kiss.

"Hot but that look wasn't just for a kiss," Bianca comments.

"While the rest of you will be making out during sunset I'll be with Jeff," I answer.

"I won't be making out at sunset," Tris pouts.

"No you'll be eating or playing volleyball with the other singles who don't pair up over sunset like I usually do," I respond.

"You're not going to be on the sand with the other couples or your brothers will kill him," Maya remarks.

"No I'm not that stupid, I'll take him up to the cliff and the cave."

"We'll make sure the boys stay busy," Bianca says and I smile. The guys might be overly protective of us but the girls are not. They understand I guess and us girls have to stick together, including Tris because he counts as one of us girls.

"Stay busy with what?" K.C. questions coming over to us and sitting next to Jenna, he puts his arm around her and they share a kiss. A few of K.C.'s bruises are still visible but they've faded to a pale green or yellow now.

"Busy with this," Jenna responds before putting her lips on his again.

K.C. gets distracted by the kiss and doesn't think to ask any more questions. At least it's easy to distract boys, well when they aren't related to you anyway, can't exactly distract my brothers by kissing them but their girlfriends can. The other boys return shortly and we walk back, it's getting close to sunset and most of the couples are staking out a spot on the sand to watch it or make out.

"Let's go down near the water to watch the sunset," Maya comments pulling Adam away.

"I think I'll go get dessert," I say walking over to the food.

I look at the food and pretend to be deciding on dessert until I'm certain that anyone who will try and stop me is occupied. Since everyone that might try to stop me is either making out or playing volleyball I know this is the time to sneak out. Jeff already made his way over to me pretending to look at the desserts so I grab his hand and we walk to the cliff. There's a path up to a ledge where there's a small cave, some time ago people built a bench in the cave out of drift wood and beach wood. It's not the most comfortable but it's in the cave which means it's hidden.

"Nice," Jeff smiles and sits on the bench pulling me into his lap.

"And private which is the most important thing," I grin grabbing his shirt and pulling it over his head.

Jeff smiles and takes my top off exposing my bra, he grins wider at the sight and his lips touch down lightly to my chest as he takes off my bra. My breasts fall free and he folds up his shirt putting it on the bench he lays me back. His lips ensnare mine, his hands gently massage my breasts, his fingers tweak my nipples softly. I moan into the kiss and my fingers comb into his hair. His hands leave my breasts and go down my body, lifting my skirt he takes off my bikini bottom. He slides it down my legs to my ankles and takes one leg out so it hangs on the other ankle. Jeff gets between my legs, going down a little and lifting me a little. His lips leave mine, briefly kissing each of my breasts, then he moves down a bit more placing my legs over his shoulders and his tongue slips into my slit.

"Ahmm," I moan arching my back and gripping him with my thighs. My hands shoot into his hair and steer his head. His tongue shoots around hitting nerve endings and making me tingle and tremble. I move his head and his tongue knows just where to go, he laps my juices and I feel the tingling tickle inside building to desperate ache. "More mm faster," I beg.

Jeff grants my request, his tongue flicks around faster and he adds a finger. This just makes the build to orgasm stronger and more desperate. Feeling like I might die if I don't reach climax soon I start rubbing my clit in circles, fast frantic circles to bring me to orgasm. My body starts trembling uncontrollably; I bite my lip release a breath and then a loud moan of blissful rapture and Jeff's name.

"That was a much better dessert than what they have on the table," Jeff grins pulling me up again. He sets me on his lap and abducts my lips while I'm still panting for breath recovering from orgasm. I inhale his breath tasting my flavor on his lips. I can feel how hard he is and I move on his lap, turning so that I straddle him. Opening his shorts just enough to get his erection free so I can stroke him. This time he moans, breaking the kiss briefly before he seizes my lips again. Since he's already very hard and dripping pre-cum it doesn't take long to get him to release. He makes a guttural groan from the back of his throat, deepens the kiss and his seed shoots over his stomach and my hand. "Guess we should clean up," he remarks looking at his stomach and I giggle.

"There are washrooms close by," I comment when he begins wiping the cum off with his shirt.

"Eh it's an old shirt anyway," he shrugs handing it to me to wipe my hand.

I wipe my hand and he leaves his shirt on the bench, we still have to go to the washroom to get the little dried bits off and I thoroughly wash my hands. It's almost dark now but not quite, Jeff puts his arm around me as we walk through the trees. He takes his arm away as soon as we're out of the trees so no one sees but everyone's preoccupied anyway. The few people not making out have started building the bonfire, Jeff walks over putting a blanket out by the fire pit and motions for me to sit so I do. He walks off and comes back to the blanket with a guitar, he sits next to me crossing his legs and starts playing guitar just as they get the bonfire going. He starts singing "I Saw Her Standing There" by The Beatles but in a slower tempo so that it sounds like a ballad. I smile and bite my lip listening to him sing and watching him watch me as he does.

**(SPINNER)**

"Hey bonfire's up," Owen comments coming up for air from Anya's lips.

"Adam stop making out with my sister," K.C. calls.

"Hey she's my girlfriend," Adam replies.

"Come on let's go sit at the bonfire I'm freezing," Paige tells me wrapping my arms around her.

"We can go somewhere more private and I can warm you up," I grin kissing her neck and Paige elbows me. "Hey knock it off you two are setting a bad example for the kids," I say poking my brother in the back with my foot since he's still making out with Bianca.

"You better not be talking about us," Adam grumbles from my side, "we're not kids anymore."

"You guys are the youngest ones here, aside from Tris anyway," I remind them still poking Drew in the back with my foot.

"Go away," he whines pinching my leg.

"Hey where is Tris?" Owen inquires as Anya walks back to the bonfire but Owen stays with us.

"He's over there with Zig and Riley," Paige says pointing.

"Adam where's Clare?" I ask just as Drew and Bianca finally break apart and get up.

"How the heck am I supposed to know?" Adam shoots back.

"You're her twin," I reply.

"Yeah we sometimes know what the other is feeling and occasionally we know what the other is thinking it doesn't mean I instantly know where she is," Adam replies sardonically.

"She's in the middle of a big orgy," Bianca quips and Drew and I growl.

"Oh relax she's right by the bonfire, Anya's cousin is singing to her," Paige points out.

"Aww how cute," Maya gushes.

Maya thinks it's cute but all I see is some guy that wants to get my sister naked and do terrible things to her. I thought Drew and I would be the worst of the troubled rebellions in the family. Never took into account that our younger twin siblings would way out do us. Drew and I are a lot alike; we're both naturally protective and athletic. Being the oldest I guess it was just natural for me to be protective of my siblings. I was protective of my friends too but not as much, at least not until Paige got raped at a party. She told Jay first but he knew I liked her and he told me. The two of us, Sean, Lucas and Johnny made sure Dean never thought about doing that again. Then Bianca was getting abused and raped and she was staying over a lot. I was just grateful my siblings had a stable home life, and then dad died.

When Adam announced that he was Adam not Gracie and he was a boy it was hard to understand at first. I get it now because the whole family has been to see therapists and doctors. Usually I don't ever remember he even was a girl anymore. No one in the family does and that includes our extended family that is our friends. Not everyone was so accepting, Adam got teased, bullied and beat up quite a bit. He still gets teased sometimes or grief when someone new finds out but most people now know if they mess with him they answer to all of us. He never really went in for the drinking or anything like a lot of the rest of us did but he rebelled and was trouble in other ways.

Drew did all the stuff I'd expect from a rebellious teenager; he got into fights, tried shrooms, and drank. Actually even when dad was alive he was never real strict on the drinking, he simply wanted us to be smart about it. He said to be safe and never ever drive and we stuck to those rules. Drew pretty much passed his rebellious stage by the time dad died, which is when Clare's seemed to explode. Not that she'd been an angel before, she'd been sneaking out since she was thirteen, first tried beer at twelve and got so sick she hasn't touched beer since. I wasn't so worried about her sneaking out, I didn't exactly like it but we know so many people in the neighborhood someone always forces her home. I wasn't worried about the drinking as long as it was somewhere we could keep an eye on her. What I worried about were boys, boys with dirty minds around my baby sister, trying to hurt my baby sister because in my mind all boys were trying to hurt my baby sister.

"I didn't even know Anya had a cousin here," Owen remarks.

"Well maybe you should have been talking to her instead of trying to suck her face off," Bianca quips.

"Bite me Bianca," Owen shoots back.

"Mmm Drew might get jealous," she grins.

"Let's get something to drink," Paige tells me pulling my hand as the others go sit at the bonfire. Paige gets a drink and some cookies and I tense up watching Anya's cousin crooning to Clare. "Spin she's not a little kid anymore and he's just singing to her," Paige admonishes.

"Yeah but I'm responsible for them, you know how guys are and what if she gets pregnant?" I grumble.

"And you're great with them, most guys are pigs but if anyone tries to hurt her they'll die and she can't get pregnant she's on birth control so relax," she tells me kissing.

"Wait a minute what do you mean she's on birth control? Since when?"

"Spin relax and enjoy the party, if he tries to kiss her then you can go over and kill him," Paige asserts kissing my cheek.

We find a place to sit near the bonfire and Paige cuddles up to me. Since Jeff isn't the only one to bring a guitar people start jamming. Some kids are dancing in the sand, Clare dances with Lucas and since he thinks of her like a little sister like the rest of our friends I'm not worried about it. We stay at the bonfire until after midnight and don't get home until after two with cleaning up and packing things back into the car. Since it's late most people come back to our house to crash. Paige sleeps with me of course and Bianca with Drew, Jenna and Maya sleep in Clare's room and K.C. and Owen sleep in Adam's room. Even Zig, Tris, Lucas and Johnny crash out in the living room. Despite going to bed at three I still wake up at seven, which is technically sleeping in. I get up and start making breakfast when Maya comes out to the kitchen looking pretty haggard.

"Trouble sleeping? Was Jenna snoring or something?" I ask as she pours herself some coffee.

"No I just couldn't sleep," she yawns.

"What's on your mind?" I question stirring the batter for pancakes.

"It's nothing," Maya shakes her head.

"Maya I've known you since you were three I know when something's bothering you now spit it out," I assert.

"Ever since the anniversary of your dad's death and hearing from Kevin I've been having dreams, nightmares really. They're always different but the same too. Sometimes Mom just dies, other times Kevin gets out and hurts her. Either way K.C. and I wind up as orphans. If anything happened to Mom we'd be sent to group homes or foster homes; he's not old enough to take care of me is he?" She asks with tears in her eyes and I stop stirring the batter to go sit by her.

"I know K.C. wouldn't let them take you from him without a fight. But you don't have to worry if something should ever happen to your mom you guys could stay here, if not here then with Owen or Jay or Lucas. What I'm saying is there's no way we'd let you guys end up in foster homes or group homes."

"Thanks Spinner," she smiles hugging me.

"What'd I miss?" Adam yawns coming to sit at the table on the other side of Maya.

"Nothing just couldn't sleep," she says letting go of me and turning to kiss Adam gently.

"Hey no making out at the breakfast table," K.C. gripes lightly smacking Adam in the back of the head.

"I don't remember that rule," Jenna says sleepily following K.C. in and he puts his arm around her.

"It only applies to little sisters," K.C. responds sitting at the table with Jenna in his lap.

"Sounds like a good rule to me," I comment and Clare sticks her tongue out at me.

"Keep it in your mouth," I tell her.

"If you have your way I'll be a virgin until I'm 35 and married," Clare huffs.

"You better believe it," I respond and Owen makes a sort of odd noise like he's strangling a comment. I look at him and he's looking away and now Clare's giggling.

"What?" Drew inquires coming in with Bianca, Paige, Lucas, Tris, Zig and Johnny.

"Nothing so what's for breakfast?" Owen questions.

"We should go to the park and play football after breakfast, I mean most of us have school or work tomorrow," Lucas remarks.

"Some of us have both," Drew speaks up.

"Call Sean and Jay see if they want to play, I'll make more pancakes," I say.

"I'll help make pancakes," Paige grins walking over and reaching around to me get a spatula, kissing my neck as she does so.

"Hey keep it as G rating there's kids in the room," Johnny teases and Clare, Adam, Maya, Tris and Zig roll up the placemats in front of them and thwack Johnny with them.

**(CLARE)**

"TOUCHDOWN!" Drew yells spiking the football into the ground and dancing in victory.

We've been at the park one street over from our house for a couple of hours while the guys and Bianca play football. Tris, Maya, Emma, Paige, Jenna and myself sit in the grass and cheer them on. We're cheering for both sides but that's fine we're all having a good time.

"I have to use the washroom, I'm walking home to use ours the ones here are gross," I comment to the girls as I stand up. They nod and I walk through the park and across the street. There's a little alley between a set of row houses and a little market that makes a short cut to our house.

"Hey there Pretty Eyes," Jeff's voice makes me turn around; he must have been in the market.

"Hi again, I'd like to stay and chat but I really need to get to my house to use the washroom," I tell him.

"Don't like public restrooms?" He questions as he begins walking with me.

"Not so much and definitely not the ones at the park," I reply. He comes to the house with me and I get the spare key from it's hiding spot to unlock the door.

"Now I know where the spare key is so I can sneak in to see you at night," he smiles as we go into my house.

"You could just come through my window like the other boys," I reply.

"A lot of them are there? I bet there are, crawling in for forbidden fruit and hoping they don't get caught by your brothers," Jeff comments turning me to him, putting his fingers under my chin and gently taking my lips.

"I still have to use the washroom," I remind him breaking the kiss. I start to walk away and then turn back, "If you hear other people coming there's a back door through the kitchen and I suggest you run fast."

He just winks and I go into the washroom biting my lip. Jeff is still here when I come out and everyone is still at the park.

"So which is your room? I mean I need to know where to sneak in," he comments and I smile.

"Don't you have to go home?" I question but I wave for him to follow me and show him my room.

"I drive back tonight it's only an hours drive. You have the room at the front of the house? I'd think if your brothers wanted to keep boys away you'd have the room at the back of the house," Jeff comments.

"Well this has always been my room, long before they even had to worry about boys sneaking into my room. If they knew that boys with impure thoughts were sneaking into my room they'd probably nail the window shut," I reply and then I hear someone at the front door and shove Jeff into my closet. "Stay," I command and shut the closet door.

"Clare," Bianca calls.

"Yeah?" I question as she's followed in by everyone else.

"We're going to the movies, after some of us change," Drew tells me looking down at his dirt covered t-shirt and shorts.

"I'm going to change too," I say quickly dashing back into my room. I open the closet door and let Jeff out, "We're going to the movies; you can sneak out the back when everyone's gone."

"Movies during the day?" He asks.

"It's cheaper and some of them have to work tonight," I reply.

"Which theatre are you going to?" He questions.

"Probably the one at the mall," I tell him.

"Then I'll find you there," he says stealing a quick kiss before he opens my window and sneaks out.

I quickly change into a skirt and black blouse since I told them that's what I was doing. When I open my door I'm slightly startled by the fact that Adam is standing there with his arms crossed to match the cross and curious look on his face.

"Don't be paranoid Adam," I censure my brother as I walk past him.

"It's not paranoid when I know what you're thinking," he calls after me.

"Why what's she thinking?" Spinner inquires.

"Nothing," I reply quickly before Adam can say anything. To do this I also turn around and walk backward a few steps until bump into someone start to fall but Fitz catches me.

"You alright?"

"Yes fine," I reply to Fitz straightening up to get out of his arms. I almost kiss him actually, it's rather tempting, I just don't want to give my brothers a reason to kill him, or a heart attack. "I'm going to wait in the car," I tell them making a hasty exit.

Since Jay and Lucas are ready to go Fitz and I ride with them. Fitz keeps looking at me and I keep looking away. It's not like we're dating or anything, nothing even close to that, none the less we've kissed and he stayed the night in my room. I still can't look at him, it's not as though I feel guilty exactly I just don't want him to know about Jeff, not that I really want any of the guys to know about Jeff. We park at the mall and go to the theatre, Anya works at the theatre and she's working the ticket stand today so she lets me in for free but makes the guys pay. We go in and claim seats for our whole group. Another good reason to come in the day is we'll probably have the theatre to ourselves. I watch everyone coming in but never see Jeff, the others join us and we take up two whole rows.

"I'm going to get something from the snack stand," I announce standing up when the previews start.

"I already asked if you wanted anything," Spinner scolds me.

"I know I didn't want anything when you asked," I remark and he rolls his eyes while Adam gives me a suspicious look, sometimes being a twin sucks.

"You need money?" Spinner asks.

"No I got money, I'll be right back," I reply and make my way out of the aisle. I go out and get in line for the snack stand and then an arm comes around my shoulders. I look up to see Jeff smiling at me. "Are you nuts if one of them comes out here they'll kill you. I'm not kidding Jeff I think Jay and Lucas could probably hide a body and never have it be found. Adam's already suspicious because you were in my bedroom and he could glean something from my thoughts because we're twins," I warn Jeff.

"You know you're beautiful when you're worried," he replies with a grin. I love his grin it's the kind of grin that just makes you blush every time you see it.

"I really don't want them to kill you I'd like to think I'll see you again the next time you're visiting Anya."

"You will I'll be back at Thanksgiving in the meantime get a drink and excuse yourself to the washroom in about an hour," he says now that we're at the front of the line. I order a medium drink and small popcorn which Jeff pays for then I go back to our seats. A small popcorn is really like a medium but Lucas and Fitz eat most of it anyway. When I'm nearly done with my drink I excuse myself to the washroom. I do actually use the washroom but when I come out Jeff is waiting for me. "I figure we have about fifteen minutes before they start wondering where you are," he says pulling me through a door.

"Where are we?" I inquire.

"Behind screen number two," he informs me leaning on the wall and pulling me to him by my hips. I loop my arms around his neck as our lips couple, his lips part and his tongue snakes between my lips. He actually set a timer on his phone for fifteen minutes and when it beeps he breaks the kiss. "Better get you back," he says.

We walk out and I return to the theatre getting another look from Adam but I stay in my seat for the rest of the movie. Spinner has to go to work when it ends so we all just go to The Dot. Emma has to be at work soon too but she works right across the street from The Dot.

"You know you guys take over nearly the whole café and no one's ordered anything," Spinner complains when we're all sitting down.

"I'll take a coffee to go, gotta get to work myself," Lucas comments.

"Don't get shot," I call to him.

"At my job are you kidding the most I do is chase vagrants away from trying to sleep in the garage," he says rolling his eyes.

The rest of us do order and then I see Jeff come in, I smile at him which doesn't go unnoticed and now Fitz and Drew are sort of glaring at him. As both of them are sitting on either side of me I reach over and smack them upside the head. Jeff orders from Spinner who missed the whole exchange but he's still giving him a funny look and then Jeff sits down. I finish my coffee quickly just so I can go back to the counter and get another, thereby getting closer to Jeff.

"So did you enjoy the movie?" Jeff asks while my brother makes me another latte.

"Yeah the movie was…fun," I grin and then bite my lip remembering our make-out session. I guess I was maybe thinking about it a little too much because just as Jeff opens his mouth to say something Adam hops up.

"Clare can I see you a minute," he insists grabbing my arm and pulling me behind the counter and into the back. Since our bother is the manager no one says anything of us being in the back at the employee only parts, we do it all the time. Adam takes me all the way out to the back alley where the stairs to Above the Dot are. He lets go of me and gives me a scolding look with his arms crossed again. "You were making out with him in the theatre?"

Sometimes I hate that Adam knows what I'm thinking. It's not like we always know what the other is thinking, however there are timews when we're really thinking about something it seems to be shared with the other person. We do always know when the other is in pain and can often sense what they're feeling. It's hard to explain when you aren't a twin. We have met twins who were practically the same person, dressed alike, talk alike, even talk at the same time and say the same things, it was kind of scary. We've also met twins who couldn't be more different, never knew what the other was thinking and in fact tried to avoid each other. So I guess it just depends on how close you are as twins before birth and after. As much as I do get annoyed sometimes when Adam knows what I'm thinking it is helpful when he has to be the buffer between me and Spinner or me and Drew. They never know what I'm thinking and they're have been many time I couldn't even talk to them because I couldn't express what was I feeling, but Adam knew and could translate.

"Don't give me that look Adam we didn't do anything but make-out at the theatre. I'm fifteen I can make-out with a guy. You have a girlfriend and you make-out with her all the time," I argue but can't help smiling when I think about Jeff and I in the cave at the beach.

"Yeah she's my girlfriend if he as your b…hold it what were you two doing on the beach?"

"So you're saying if he was my boyfriend then we could make-out?" I ask avoiding Adam's other question.

"I'm saying we know nothing about him other than he's Anya's cousin and you can't go around making out with random guys. Although the fact that you manage to do so with so many people closely watching you is impressive, scary but impressive."

"So I can do anything I want with a guy as long as you all know him then is that it? So then you won't get angry when you find out what I did with Owen," I state.

"No I didn't say you could do anything with a guy so long as we…what did you do with Owen?" Adam inquires stopping part way through and changing his tone.

"Never mind," I huff in annoyance and turn to go back inside but Fitz is blocking my path.

"Yeah I'd like to know too," Fitz says with one eyebrow arched just a bit, "what did you do with Owen Clare?"

**Hey it's not a terrible cliffhanger. Update next Saturday picking up from around here, a little more from Jeff and Owen and Fitz oh my! Plus the kids return to school meeting a couple of new kids and Jenna learns something she'd rather not know.**


	5. Tell You in a Stage Whisper

**Sorry this is up so late my Saturday got rather busy. Now let's join Clare for some more trouble.**

**Ch. 5 Tell You in a Stage Whisper**

**(CLARE)**

"What did you do with Owen Clare?" Fitz inquires and I wrinkle my nose at both of them. Huffing in annoyance I step down and run around to the front. I run in and everyone looks over at me. Fitz and Adam run in just behind me and get on either side of me. "What did you do with Owen? Answer the question," Fitz presses.

Now everyone looks from me to Owen, he looks frightened and he's looking at me. He's not frightened of Fitz alone I'm sure but as everyone, most particularly my brothers, are sort of glaring at him he's afraid they're going to kill him.

"I didn't do anything with Owen," I respond. I'm not about to throw Owen under the bus I'm not cruel and I like Owen. Not to mention if my brothers, or anyone, think I've done anything with him they'll be watching closely and I won't be able to do anything else with him. "We didn't do anything I just wanted to scare you," I tell Adam putting my arm around his shoulders.

"You do, quite frequently," Adam says aloud and then leans in to whisper in my ear, "I know you did something with Owen. I know it was more than kissing."

I twist my mouth at him, sometimes being a twin sucks. At least Adam won't attack Owen, or tell Drew and Spinner unless he thinks it's necessary. We sit down again and Maya hands me my latte. Jeff gets a coffee and winks at me as he leaves.

"I'm going to walk home a…"

"Sit," Drew asserts pulling me back into my chair.

I twist my face at him but stay seated, won't do me any good to slip out now. Still I'm sad that I won't see him again until Thanksgiving. We stay at The Dot for a couple of hours before going home. Everyone that didn't have to stay at work or go to work comes back to the house with us. All of us either have school or work tomorrow but it's early yet. Everyone sits in the living room or on the back porch, hanging out and talking. Paige and Maya go into the kitchen to make snacks and I go to the washroom. When I get out Owen is just inside my room so I go in closing my door.

"Why didn't you tell them?" Owen inquires.

"And have you killed? Now that wouldn't have been any fun. Don't you think if they knew the trouble I got up to they would keep a tighter rein on me?"

"Adam knows what trouble you get into," Owen points out.

"He also understands me better than anyone else but if you don't get out there they'll realize you're missing and find you in here," I remind him.

Owen gives me a look I can't quite place and then leaves my room. I intend to wait a few seconds before following him out so I start looking through my closet like I came in to change but notice another figure in my doorway.

"What's that look for?" I question Fitz as he walks in and closes the door.

"I saw Owen coming out of your room," Fitz responds.

"Jealous?" I tease him strutting over to him.

"Is there something to be jealous of?"

"That means you are jealous," I grin trying to walk to past him but he's blocking my door.

"Clare," Fitz sort of sighs half annoyed and half hurt.

"Does it really matter?"

"Yes it does," he responds.

"Why?"

Fitz opens his mouth but there's a knock on my door and Fitz opens it. Sean is on the other side; he's giving us an odd look which I can only imagine is because we're alone in my bedroom.

"We need to get home and check on Mom she's not answering her cell," Sean tells his brother.

"Yeah, see you tomorrow Clare," Fitz waves following his brother out of my room and I follow them out to the living room. No one says anything of Fitz being in my room but we get some looks. Fitz and Sean say goodbye and Drew turns on the gaming system.

Drew, Adam, Owen and K.C. play video games for a couple of hours and then people begin going home since we all have school or work tomorrow. Paige is the last to leave, after she's sure everything is clean and we're all fine. Bianca gets a ride home from Paige and now it's just me, Drew and Adam since Spinner won't be home until after midnight. I get ready for bed and then go into my room after saying goodnight to my brothers. I start to change for bed when I hear tapping at my window; I peek through the curtains expecting Fitz but smile when I see Jeff. I pull back the curtain more and open the window. Jeff crawls in and looks at me with a cocked eyebrow, I'd gotten as far as taking off my top and bra. I'm currently holding my nightshirt over my breasts to cover them.

"I thought you went home," I comment as he pulls my nightshirt away from my breasts.

"Not without saying goodbye," he grins looking up from my breasts to my eyes. Jeff reaches out taking my hand and pulls me to him. Keeping hold of my hand he puts his arm around my lower back, locks his eyes with mine and conjoins our lips for a sultry kiss. I loop my arms around his neck and part my lips a little, his tongue slips out and snakes around my tongue. His arm tightens around me and he then he pulls away, tugging my lower lip as he does. "I gotta drive home now but I'll be back at Thanksgiving don't forget me now," he tells me as he releases me.

I just smile, shake my head and bite my lip watching him go through my window. I get my nightshirt on, close my window and the curtains again and get in bed with my laptop. I write in my journal and count the days to Thanksgiving before going to sleep. When my alarm goes off I get up with a groan to get ready for school. I like the first day of school though, new classes, new students and potentially new friends, seeing old friends you haven't seen since last year. Drew dreads the first day, he hates school and always has but Dad and Spinner won't let him drop out, neither would me, Adam or Bianca.

After looking through my closet a while I decide on a denim skirt, black flats and a black and white striped top that zips down the front. Spinner is still asleep but he doesn't have to be at work until ten, Drew and Adam are awake and eating breakfast when I come into the kitchen. I'm not all that hungry so I just make some toast and have juice.

"I have football after school and work right after that so I won't be home until late. Spin will be at work too so you'll both need to find your own way home. And not walking alone, or riding with boys you don't know," Drew says directing the last part of the comment at me and not Adam.

"We'll probably come home with Maya and Jenna anyway," Adam shrugs.

We finish breakfast and Drew drives us to school. We see Owen's car when we pull into the parking lot and K.C.'s on the steps with Maya and Jenna. Maya is sitting on the steps looking bored while Jenna and K.C. are kissing. Maya perks up when she sees us, coming over to greet Adam with a kiss. Adam puts his arm around her and we walk up the steps together, Jenna and K.C. pull apart to greet us as a fancy car with a driver in uniform pulls up to the school.

"Who comes in a ritzy car like that to this school?" K.C. asks.

"Apparently they do," I respond in a snarky tone as two boys get out of the car. One is Asian, skinny with glasses, the other has dark hair is tall and smiles at Maya. She smiles back, which Adam doesn't notice but his arm does tighten around her.

"Let's go find our lockers," K.C. comments and we turn going inside.

Maya's locker is in another hallway so Adam walks her; Drew's locker is also in another hallway so he leaves us. Jenna and K.C.'s lockers are only two apart, my locker is on the other side of the hall next to a tall thin kid with dark hair. He looks familiar, I've seen him around the ravine but I don't know his name. I start opening my locker and he looks over at me, looks me and down and smiles at me.

"I know you don't I?" He asks.

"Yeah she's the Mason's baby sister so keep your eyes in your head," K.C. chimes in.

"I'm exactly the same age as Adam and Drew's only a year older than us I'm not a baby and I have a name," I shoot back

"I know your older brothers see them at the ravine sometimes. I'm Reese, I went to Bardell last year but I got expelled so now I'm at DeGrassi," Reese explains with a grin.

"Expelled? You must really be bad boy," I smile. Hey I can't help it if I'm attracted to the bad boys I grew up with a bunch of them including my two older brothers. "I'm Clare by the way."

"See you around Clare," he smirks and walks away.

"Reese is bad news Clare you can't go out with him," K.C. tells me.

"Butt out K.C. it's not up to you who I date," I shoot back.

"Maybe not but your brothers will have something to say about it. What do you guys have for homeroom?" K.C. questions.

"English," I respond.

"Us too come on," K.C. says pulling at my arm and putting his arm around my shoulders as the three of us walk to class.

"Jenna, Clare we have the same homeroom! Hey K.C.," Alli says as a sort of afterthought as we enter the classroom and he takes his arm from my shoulders. "Did you see the hearse in the parking lot? It's old so it can't be here because someone died but that means someone actually drove it to school. What kind of freak drives a hearse to school?"

Jenna and I met Alli last year, she and her brother Sav who is two years older than her. Alli's okay, a little selfish and boy crazy and she doesn't really hang with our crowd but Jenna and I became friends with her last year although we don't hang out with her much outside of school.

Adam walks into class a few minutes later, along with Connor and Wes; they like Alli are mostly school friends. Miss Dawes comes in and class begins. After English Adam, Alli and I have History when we get to the class Zig smiles happy to have his friends in class. Dave is here too, and I smile when I see Reese sitting at a desk. He smiles at me too but doesn't say anything. I sit at a desk next to Adam and Mr. Perino comes in, he begins writing things on the blackboard and then turns around to talk as soon as the bell rings. At lunch I go to my locker to put away my books and Adam goes to get Maya. We always eat lunch either in the back of school or at The Dot, today we're eating at The Dot and I can walk there on my own. I stash my books and walk quickly down the hall to get to The Dot, but I stop in my tracks when he a pair of green eyes comes around the corner. The dark haired boy smirks at me walks past.

"_So many boys to have fun with this year," _I think to myself as I start walking again, _"now which to play with first?"_

**(ADAM)**

"I'm not very hungry; actually I'm not very hungry at all. I think I'll just go back to school," Jenna comments almost as soon as we're in the café.

"I'll walk you," K.C. says standing up to go with her.

"No that's okay I can go on my own you stay and have lunch," Jenna insists. She kisses K.C. and gets up leaving The Dot. She doesn't go straight back to school though she goes to the pharmacy across the street. She must not being feeling well.

"Where's Tris and Clare? I saw Jenna walking back to school on my way in," Owen remarks when he walks in.

"Tris said he'd meet us here when I picked Maya up from class not sure where Clare is though," I reply getting out my phone to text Clare.

**Adam: Where are you? And have you seen Tris?**

**Clare: Tris is sitting with Riley and Zane I think he's eating with them. Was there an LGBT thing at lunch?**

**Adam: Not that I know of and you didn't tell me where you are.**

**Clare: The three of them are eating alone so I guess not. I'm making new friends. :)**

"Clare says Tris is eating with Riley and Zane, and she's eating with Alli and them so they won't be coming," I respond.

Owen shrugs and sits down and Spin brings our food. I know Clare's not eating with Alli she's flirting with some boy but since most of the boys in school know they'll die if they hurt her I'm not too worried. Knowing my sister like I do I'm still a little worried. I still won't tell Spin and Drew that's what she's doing though, I know how they'll react and then Clare will get angry and do something really stupid behind their backs because she hates the double standard.

We start talking about our classes that morning; Maya and Zig tell us about the new boy Eli in their art class. Reese Delancey is apparently in the class too which means he goes to the school now. Owen and Bianca have chemistry with Eli second period, he's the one that drove the hearse to school and Bianca has nicknamed him Dr. Doom. While we're eating and talking about school the other new boys walk in and the dark haired one smiles at Maya again. I grit my teeth and tighten my arm around her, Maya's talking to K.C. and doesn't notice that he smiles at her but I know he likes her. Thankfully they order and leave without Maya noticing them.

We finish lunch, say goodbye to Spin and go back to school, I take Maya to her locker and go looking for my sister. She's not at her locker, the caf or memorial garden and I'm about to text her when I feel her hands covering my eyes.

"You worry too much Adam," Clare scolds me.

"I worry because I know you better than anyone else," I reply and her only response is to kiss my cheek.

We go to our lockers and I stash books while she gets hers out. She waves to me before walking to class, she has communications technology this period and I have drama, it's an open elective and the only class Maya and I have together. Miss Dawes teaches drama, she's kooky but I like her as a teacher. We get paired up to do scenes and I get paired with Maya which is good. It's only a two minute scene and we get half an hour to rehearse and then preform at the end of class. After class I kiss Maya and head to Media Studies another elective but only for grades ten and eleven. Clare, Drew and I all have the class together, Owen, Fitz and Bianca also have the class with us and we all sit at the two back tables, Drew, Fitz and Bianca at one and Me, Clare and Owen at the other. Fiona comes in with a new boy who must be Eli by the description I heard. Clare smiles, biting her lip when she sees him and he smiles at her. Miss Oh comes in and starts the class with a movie; Clare decides it's a good opportunity to stretch out. She puts her legs on my lap and leans against Owen's arm. He moves his arm and puts it around her instead; it just proves to me that they did do something more than kissing. At least I can trust him with her.

"I have to go check on Mom I'll see you guys later," Fitz says when school is out.

"We've got football," Drew reminds us before he and Owen run off for the locker room.

"I should go home, get some fresh clothes," Bianca sighs heavily.

"I'll give you guys a lift it's on my way," Fitz offers as we leave the school.

When we get out to the steps K.C. is there with Maya, Tris, Zig and Jenna. K.C. has football and then has to go to work just like Drew, Zig has to go home to help in his family's store but Jenna, Tris and Maya are coming home with us. We all pile into Fitz's car and he drives us to our house. Clare sits up front with Fitz and Maya sits on my lap in the back, it's a short drive to our house.

"I'll probably be back after I make sure my mom's still alive and all, unless I go hang out at the garage," Fitz tells us when he drops us off.

"You should come back here we're much more fun than a garage that smells like oil anyway," Clare says giving Fitz a flirtatious smile.

He grins back and I roll my eyes. We wave to Fitz and go inside; Maya and Tris sit at the kitchen table and start doing homework. Jenna takes her backpack and disappears into the washroom while Clare and I sit on the sofa to do our homework. I start on my homework but realize I need my laptop so I go back to my room to get it and notice that Jenna is still in the washroom.

"Jenna are you okay?" I question knocking on the door.

I hear the faucet turn on as soon as I know and a second later she opens the door. She smiles at me but I can see she's been crying.

"I think I'm just going to go home," she tells me lifting her backpack onto her shoulder but I take it from her.

"Jenna what's wrong?" I inquire. I don't even finish the words before Clare's at my side.

"Jenna you're not going home we can see you've been crying what is it?" Clare asks.

"I think I'm pregnant," she barely whispers and pulls a positive pregnancy test from her backpack.

"Jenna those things can be wrong we should take you to the clinic and have them do a blood test. I'll call Bianca," Clare tells her and Jenna nods. Clare goes to get her phone but takes it in her room to call Bianca. "She's on her way, she'll be here in a few minutes, you can lie down in my room until then if you want to," Clare offers and Jenna nods.

"Stay in touch, I'll tell Maya and Tris you guys are going to meet Fitz. I don't think Jenna wants anyone to know," I comment to Clare after Jenna goes into her room and shuts the door.

"Yeah good idea, I'll stay in touch, if she is pregnant she may not want to come back and she definitely won't want to go home," Clare says.

"Promise me you won't get pregnant as long as we're in school," I plead with her.

"Of course not, I'm already on birth control," she informs me.

"When did you…never mind I don't think I want to know."

**(CLARE)**

"We have the test results Jenna, you are pregnant," the nurse tells her and Jenna sinks back. Bianca and I put our arms around her.

"You have options of course. I'll send you home with all the information you need for every option, look at it when you're ready."

The nurse hands Bianca a stack of information and we sign Jenna out. She starts crying when we get back in Bianca's car. Bianca decides it's better if we don't go home so she drives to the park.

"Are you going to tell K.C.?" Bianca asks after a while.

"I don't know, I don't know if I'm even going to keep it. I'm only fifteen, we used a condom, we only did it once."

"You should tell K.C., it's his decision too even if you decide not to keep it," I comment.

"I can't tell him, please not yet, I can't even think. My parents are gone visiting my brother, I don't want to be alone but I don't want to go back to your house Clare. Everyone goes there and I don't want anyone else to know, not yet," Jenna cries.

"You could go to Paige's apartment, she'll keep your secret and you won't be alone," I suggest.

Jenna nods so I call Paige, she says Jenna can come to her apartment and Bianca starts driving. Paige is still at work but she says we can hang out with Jenna until she's there. I didn't tell her why Jenna needed to come her place but Paige didn't ask. I have a key to Paige's apartment, so do Drew, Adam and Spin of course. We go in and Jenna lies down on the sofa, I start the kettle for tea and Bianca sits at the kitchen table. I send a text to Adam just saying that Jenna is and we're taking her to Paige's place. I make some tea and put it on the coffee table near Jenna before sitting at the table with Bianca. We sip at the tea and listen to Jenna cry, she stops after a bit and sips at the tea but she doesn't say anything.

"Hey girls," Paige says when she gets home.

"We'll go by her apartment and get clothes and stuff for her. Thanks for letting her stay," Bianca tells Paige.

"No problem, we'll have a quiet girls night. So what is drama?" Paige asks.

"She's pregnant, she doesn't know what to do and she doesn't want anyone to know," I explain.

"Oh my, well don't worry I'll take good care of her," Paige assures us.

We thank Paige and hug her then hug Jenna and take her keys so we can get into her apartment. Bianca and I go to the apartment packing a bag for Jenna and drop it off. Jenna still looks blank and lost in her head but I can't blame her. Paige says Jenna just needs time and we hug Jenna again.

"I think I'll stay over again, if I go home now my auntie will have another date," Bianca comments as she drives us back to my house.

"You know you should just move in. I'm sure Spinner would be okay with it and you spend ninety percent of the time at our house anyway, usually sleeping in Drew's room," I tell her.

"I'm sure my auntie wouldn't notice even if I did," Bianca huffs.

"So just do it, Drew will make room for you and Spinner will be okay with it. He'll probably just be happy that there's someone else at the house to keep an eye on me," I reply and Bianca laughs.

"I should probably ask your brothers first but I would be a lot happier living with you guys."

She parks at our house and I see Owen and Spinner's cars so Spinner is home from work and probably making dinner. Drew is closing so he won't be home until after ten. Fitz's car isn't here so either his mom was drunk or he went to the garage to be with his brother. Just as we get out of the car Owen comes out of the house with Maya and Tris.

"See you guys tomorrow, I'm dropping Maya at home on our way," Owen says as they walk down the steps. Maya and Tris get in Owen's car when he unlocks it. I smile at Owen as I start to walk past him and he grabs my arm. Bianca notices and she stops walking too. "We're you flirting with Reese Delancey today?" He questions.

"Did K.C. tell Drew too?" I question knowing K.C. must have told them during football.

"No Drew left first. Reese is dangerous Clare, he's bad news," Owen says repeating nearly exactly what K.C. said this morning.

"You know telling a girl, especially a girl like Clare, that a guy is dangerous or bad news is like telling her to go flirt with him and see if she can tame him. You just gave her an open invitation to trouble," Bianca comments before going inside.

"You don't need Reese there's plenty of guys that we trust that will go out with you, and do other things," Owen says.

"So that means I should call Lucas the next time I'm horny?" I tease him and he grimaces at me.

"Don't worry I'll come find you next time I need a release," I whisper hooking a finger into the belt loop on his jeans.

"Your brothers are going to smash my face in aren't they?"

"Only if they find out," I grin and saunter inside.

I was only teasing Owen of course, not that I won't seek out Owen if I need a release but I'm more interested in the new boys and Jeff's still on my mind. I expect Bianca to bring up moving in over dinner but she never says anything. She must be waiting for Drew to be home too. After dinner I do my homework on the sofa, Bianca does hers too but Adam's already done. Drew gets home as we're finishing, Bianca sits at him with the table while he eats and does his homework. Drew always struggles with his schoolwork but Bianca helps him. Spinner is taking a shower and Adam and I are watching TV only Adam seems down.

"What's up?" I ask poking him in the side.

"There's a new boy at school in Maya's grad and he likes her," Adam sighs.

"Adam don't be worried Maya really likes you and she's known you pretty much her whole life. She doesn't know this new guy," I assure him.

"He kept looking at her, smiling a…"

"Adam I know how much you like Maya. I know how hard it is for you to meet girls and how they react to you. I know how much Maya likes you, she might smile at the new boy but she really likes you. If you're that worried go call her," I advise my brother.

"Thanks Sis," Adam smiles and kisses my cheek before disappearing into his room.

I say goodnight to Drew and Bianca and get ready for bed. As I'm changing for bed I expect there to be a knock on my window and Jeff to be there. I never hear a knock and of course Jeff is back in Guelph. After getting into bed I get on my laptop for a while, I hear everyone else go to bed and I yawn turning off my laptop. Just as I'm sliding down into bed I hear a knock on my window. At first I think I'm hearing things but I hear it again and get up going to the window. I pull back my curtain and look out the window to see Reese standing there smiling at me.

"What on earth are you doing here?" I question sliding the window open just a bit.

Reese leans on the window sill and grins at me, "Came to see you of course. Want to come to a party?"

**Update next Saturday picking up from here, Jenna drops the baby news to K.C. and the others and Bianca talks to the Mason's about moving in.**


	6. If We Could Do Better I Know We Would

**If you didn't go to the site to see today's clue then you didn't see my latest poll. My mind birthed two semi-similar plot bunnies but I want to gauge interest. So go to my page and just below the clue is the poll so cast your vote. Depending on which one is chosen there will be follow up polls.**

**Also RED2012, XoXo-Smiley-Riley-XoXo &amp; Blue. check your PM in boxes before May 11****th****.**

**Ch. 6 If We Could Do Better I Know We Would**

**(CLARE)**

"Want to come to a party?" Reese asks.

"As long as I'm back before five tomorrow morning," I reply with a grin.

"Well come on then Precious let's go," Reese says holding his hand out to me. He helps me out of the window and takes me to a car with several other people; it's so crowded I'm forced to sit on Reese's lap, not that I mind.

The car drives a few blocks past DeGrassi and turns into a dirt road. The road takes a few turns before stopping in a cove. I hear water gurgling when I get out and I think this is part of the ravine but not a part I've been to. Reese puts his arm around me and we walk down to a spot near the water, there is a fire going and lots of kids, some I know from DeGrassi but others don't look familiar. Everyone is drinking, a few are high, there's music going, it looks pretty much like a party at the part of the ravine I am used to going to but I really only know Reese at this gathering. He finds a spot to sit and puts me on his lap offering me a beer and I shake my head.

"I don't like beer," I tell him.

"You want something stronger?" He asks.

"I want for my brothers not to smell alcohol on my breath in the morning," I respond and Reese grins.

"Kyle get the girl a pop," Reese calls and a boy walks over with a can of coke.

Reese sips at his beer while I drink the pop, kids are talking loudly and most of them are complaining about the first day of school or talking about kids they go to school with. I think most of them must be from Bardell because a few people ask Reese how DeGrassi is. He talks for a few minutes, never says anything about me and when he's done talking, and tossed his beer can, he starts kissing my neck. He's far more forward than most guys I know; usually I have to take the lead as I did with Owen. Jeff was pretty forward too but he'd also done his research but Jeff only knew of my brothers (by blood and otherwise) by reputation. Reese has actually spent time with at least Lucas, Jay, Johnny, Sean and Fitz, he must have seen or possibly even know firsthand how they are. So either he's not scared or he likes to live dangerously. Both options make Reese more enticing, most guys are so afraid of getting killed I have to get them completely horny and totally take charge so they just aren't thinking at all. Exactly what I did with Owen, once he was thinking with the head between his legs he wasn't so worried about my brothers.

I don't say anything or really even do much, simply lean my neck in the opposite direction so Reese has plenty of places to kiss. Something he notices and grins the next time his lips kiss down on my skin. When he tries to reach around and grab my breast I catch his hand, I'm not going to let him grope me in front of everyone. He gives me a disappointed look but then turns my head and steals my lips into a kiss. A hard deep kiss that he doesn't release and now we're making out. We do this for a while, at least an hour, before the party starts to break up.

"Time to get you home Precious," he says getting me off his lap. We get back in the car with his friends and they drive me home, Reese walks me to the house and my window helping me to get it open. He even helps me in although I'm fairly certain this was just an excuse to grab my ass. "See you in a few hours at school," he smiles and then he hops on the window and it makes a banging noise. He gives me a quick kiss and vanishes into the yard as my door is flung open and my light switched on.

"What was that?" Adam inquires.

"Why are you still dressed?" Drew questions in a suspicious tone.

"We should get a lock for her window," Adam answers before I can say anything.

"I'll nail it shut tomorrow," Drew responds.

"You can't nail my window shut I won't get any fresh air into my room," I point out.

"And just where have you been?" Drew questions crossing his arms with a stern look on his face, it's the most I've ever seen him look like Dad.

"Oh leave her alone she got home in one piece, if she'd been in trouble she would have called you or one of the others. She doesn't look high and I doubt she's been drinking, everyone go to bed," Bianca asserts and I smile at her.

"Yeah but she…" Drew begins to argue but Bianca pulls him away.

"Bed Drew we have school in the morning," Bianca insists.

"But…" I hear my brother trying to protest one last time before his bedroom door is closed.

"You didn't do anything we need to kill someone for did you?" Adam questions.

"Just kissing Adam stop worrying," I reply with a grin.

"That's funny coming from you, sneaking in at three in the morning, out with heaven knows who," Adam replies.

"Like Bianca said I would have called if I were in trouble," I respond.

"Yeah but I don't ever want you to get into the position where you are in trouble is my point," Adam says.

I smile and kiss my brother's cheek; he leaves the room to go to bed. I turn off my light, quickly get into pajamas and go to bed myself. I wake up a few hours later when I hear noises in the house meaning everyone else is awake. I yawn and grab my robe going out to the washroom and then returning to my bedroom to get dressed.

"Where were you last night?" Spinner asks as soon as I go out to the kitchen for breakfast.

"I got invited to a party," I answer which is all true.

"When and by who and why didn't we hear about it?" Spinner inquires.

"Last night, by a boy from school, after you went to bed," I reply.

"I'm telling you we should nail her window shut," Drew remarks and I smack his arm.

"Clare you can't go sneaking out to parties with strange boys especially on school nights without telling one of us. We have to know where you are," Spinner admonishes and I nod.

Dad was never real big on punishments and neither is Spinner so it's extremely rare we even get punished. Usually we just get scolded but also watched more closely for a while. The subject gets dropped and we eat quickly before Drew drives himself and Adam to school, I choose to ride with Bianca since she's driving her car to school.

"Did you ask about moving in?" I question as she starts driving.

"No I want to talk to Drew first, plus I don't know if it's good to be spending every night in Drew's room and he'd have to make room for me," she replies.

"And Drew will be happy to, trust me he loves when you're at the house and so do I. Plus with you in the house it will even things out a little more, if you hadn't controlled them last night Drew and Adam may have interrogated me all night."

"I promise I'll talk to them, I'll get Drew alone at lunch," she smiles.

She parks at school next to Drew and we all go to the steps together. Maya, Tris, Owen, Zig and Fitz are waiting; we join them and hang around waiting for the bell. I see Reese walking up to school, he sees me too and smiles, I start to grin back but Owen moves me behind him and glares at Reese. When the bell rings Adam, K.C. and I walk to class but Jenna never shows up, I think she's afraid to tell K.C. about the baby. We know she spent the night with Paige so I'm not worried, Paige may have even told her to take the day off and get her thoughts in order. Whatever the case someone will know where Jenna is.

"I had fun last night," Reese grins when Adam and I get into second period and Adam gives me a look because now he knows I was out with Reese.

"You went to a party with Reese?" Adam whispers.

"Nothing happened Adam."

"Nothing happened with what? And where's Jenna today?" Zig inquires sitting down.

"I don't think Jenna's coming today," I respond avoiding the first question.

"We'll talk about this later," Adam warns me while Reese looks back and gives me a smile.

**(BIANCA)**

"Can we eat lunch alone?" I ask Drew when he meets me at my locker after second period.

"Yeah sure," Drew grins. Since neither of us brought lunch we go to the caf to get food and then we eat in back of the school between the football and soccer fields under a tree.

"There's something I want to talk to you about," I venture a little nervously. I love Drew and his entire family and I am there a lot but moving in and actually having all my stuff there seems like I'd be making myself a burden. I mean they already lost their parents, Spinner and Drew work to support them and I'd be another full time person to take care of because I know my auntie won't help.

"Is it bad news?" Drew asks.

"No I mean I hope not. I was thinking…well actually Clare brought up…but I had considered it before…"

"B," Drew cuts me off, "what is it?"

"I was thinking about moving in. If it's okay with everyone of course, I know it's okay with Clare and I'm already at your house a lot. You know how I hate my auntie's a…"

"Bianca," Drew cuts me off again. He grins; combing his fingers into my hair and crushes his lips to mine in a tender kiss, "I would love for you to move in. I'm certain Adam and Spinner will feel the same, we can go talk to them right now I think everyone is eating at The Dot."

"Thanks," I reply and kiss him again.

I pull out of the kiss with a smile and we finish our lunch fairly quickly dumping our trash and walking to The Dot. Everyone is still here, eating at several tables pushed together and they wave at us when we come in.

"Spin you got a few minutes?" Drew asks.

"Uh I guess, can you guys handle things for a few minutes?" Spinner asks the waitress and other waiter on duty and they nod.

"Adam, Clare," Drew waves for his younger siblings to follow us and we all go outside.

"So what's up?" Spinner questions.

"Bianca wants to move in," Drew tells them.

"She practically lives at our place anyway and Drew always behaves better with her around," Clare speaks up for me and drew grimaces at his sister for the last part.

"Clare's right and we all like having her around," Adam says and I smile at him.

"It's fine with me, like Clare said you practically live there now so you might as well have all your stuff there. You know you'll have chores and all that, same rules as the rest of the house," Spinner says.

"Yeah of course, I'll help out in any way I can and I can even get a job," I offer.

"We'll work it out later; I gotta get back in there," Spinner comments and we start to go back inside when he stops and turns to look at us again, "you know I thought you'd move in a lot sooner."

I smile and we go inside the café, Spinner gets back to work while we tell everyone I'm moving in. Everyone's happy of course and we stay at the café until we have to head back to school for classes. We approach the stairs at the same time as Reese and a couple of his low life friends. His buddies don't pay any attention to us at all but Reese looks right at Clare, she seems to know he's looking because she turns to smile at him. The second she does so Owen moves her between himself and Fitz and the latter puts his arm around her. It was fairly caveman like behavior but knowing what I do about Reese, and knowing that Owen and Fitz know at least as much as I do, if not more, I don't blame them. I also know telling Clare to stay away will simply make him all that more enticing to her. She'll have to learn about Reese on her own and make her own decisions about him. She's a very bright girl and I know she won't put herself in any danger intentionally.

Third period is relatively boring the business class might be more interesting if the teacher was more interesting, all we did was read from the text book yesterday and today. Fourth period is not only a far more interesting class but so many of my good friends are in it. We watch a video on how Television shapes society and then we're broken into groups of four to answer questions on the video. Drew, Owen, Fitz and I are put into one group while Clare, Adam, Fiona and new boy Eli are put in another.

"I have football but you can go back to my place I don't work tonight," Drew tells me as we're leaving class.

"I'll take Clare and Adam home, and anyone else going to your house," I grin kissing him before he walks off with Owen to the football field.

"I'm coming," Fitz tells me.

Maya is going to the Milligan's to work on homework and K.C. is going to Paige's to check on Jenna. We called Paige and she said she had Jenna stay at her place today to have some time to think. So it's just the four of us going back to the Mason's, as soon as we're in the house Clare gets dragged to her room by Fitz and Adam, they want to lecture her about going out with Reese last night I'm sure. I sit in the living room to do homework but I can hear them and I can't concentrate anyway so after a short time I go to Clare's room and open the door.

"While you two are fruitlessly lecturing her I'm gonna go grab some of my stuff from my auntie's," I tell them interrupting Fitz mid-sentence.

"You want me to come with you?" Fitz asks.

"No she should have just left for work I'll just leave a note that I'm moving out and I'll be back for the rest of my stuff," I comment.

Fitz nods and I close the door leaving them to lecture Clare about Reese, which will lead her to want to go out with him all the more. I already told them telling her no is just putting a neon sign over his head to draw her to him but the guys don't listen. I get back in my car and drive to my old home, I always hated these apartments but at least I'm out of them now. I use my key to get in and gasp when I find someone in the apartment but not my auntie; it's a man I've never seen before. He's in his late thirties or early forties, dark red hair and a beard with dark brown eyes, stout but muscular like Sean. He's watching TV and sipping at a beer but gives me a lecherous smile when I come through the door.

"Who are you?" He asks.

"Bianca, I live here or at least I did. If you see my auntie tell her I'm moving out," I respond.

He doesn't say anything just looks back at the TV and I go to my room. I grab my pillow and take the pillow case off of it then I begin stuffing it with clothes and some basics as fast as I can. The only other things I put in are gifts I've gotten from Drew or the others. There isn't much else in my room and certainly nothing I care to bring. I grab enough clothes for a few days; I can come and get the rest later. The last thing I grab is a bracelet Drew gave me from the hiding spot in the closet and when I turn around the man is standing there giving me the same lecherous grin.

"You know your aunt told me to make myself at home and help myself to anything," he says taking a step forward and I take a step back.

"Fuck off," I spit back kicking him in the nuts.

He goes down and I start to run past him but despite groaning in pain he reaches up grabbing my shirt. He pulls me back with enough force that I lose my footing and land on my back.

"I'd rather fuck you," he growls grabbing my wrists.

"Get off me you fucking bastard," I screech kneeing him in the stomach but it barely fazes him. He just laughs and grabs my shirt ripping it open. "GET OFF ME," I scream again frantically fighting and fearing I'm about to be raped.

**(FITZ)**

Adam and I take Clare into her room the second we're at her house. She sits on her bed with her arms crossed and a miffed look on her face while Adam and I stand.

"Why in the hell would you go out alone with Reese?" I demand.

"We weren't alone Fitz, we were at a party at some place at the ravine," she responds.

"At a part of the ravine you've never been to with people you don't know," Adam says.

"I knew Reese," she shrugs.

"Reese is dangerous Clare that's why we told you to stay away from him," I contend.

"You keep saying that but I've seen no proof of that at all. He's been wonderfully nice to me; we did nothing but kiss a…"

"You kissed him?!" I hiss.

Clare glares at me but continues ignoring my remark, "You can't tell me that Jay isn't dangerous, or Lucas, Johnny, Sean and even you Fitz."

"That's different Clare we know them we grew up with them," Adam argues.

"So I can mess around with a guy who's dangerous so long as we grew up with him?" She retorts.

"No I didn't mean it like that but we only know Reese by reputation and it's a bad one. He got expelled from his last school for bringing a knife and threatening a kid. He was sent to the juvie school and he's spent more time there than Fitz," Adam tells her.

"Adam he didn't do anything to me; he wasn't mean to anyone it was a party nothing happened. You're all blowing a gasket over nothing, if Reese does do something for you to blow a gasket over I'll let you know," Clare replies.

"We're trying to keep that fr…"

"While you two are fruitlessly lecturing her I'm gonna go grab some of my stuff from my auntie's," Bianca comments interrupting me.

"You want me to come with you?" I offer. Bianca says no and leaves the room so I look back at Clare.

"We're trying to keep that from happening Clare, I would never hurt you. Neither would Jay and the others," I say the last part while grinding my teeth a little at the thought of her being with one of them. I doubt they would, except maybe Owen because I do believe they did do something.

"You don't know that Reese will hurt me either and you know as well as I do that reputations rarely reflect the person. Most of our very best friends have really terrible reputations," Clare argues.

"That's not the point," I argue.

"No the point is you all want to control my life," she huffs.

"Clare that's not true we just don't want you to get hurt. I know better than anyone how you rebel and I know how there's a double standard with you. It sucks but there is and no matter what you argue we won't be with you dating Reese," Adam tells her.

"Who said anything about dating?" Clare shrugs and I tense up. "Look nothing happened last night, we went to a party, I drank a pop, he had a beer, he kissed my neck and we made out, he brought me home."

"Nothing happened this time but what about next time?" Adam asks.

"I don't know Adam but I'm not stupid, okay yes I sometimes intentionally do things to drive you guys up the wall because I hate the double standard. I would never do something that I thought would put me in danger. If my instincts ever told me I was in danger I would call you or Jay or someone to come get me. You treat me like I'm some helpless damsel in distress from some fairy tale," she scolds.

"I treat you like you're my sister and I love you, you're my twin Clare I love you and I don't want you to get hurt or ever be in that situation. Plus I know how you sometimes just don't think because you're angry," Adam tells her sitting next to her on the bed and putting his arm around her. "I am you're twin I know what you get up to and if Spinner and Drew knew half the shit I knew they'd have you guarded 24 hours a day," Adam comments.

"They practically do that all ready," she pouts.

"Why what does she get up to?" I ask.

"It d…" Adam starts but is cut off by the loud bang of the front door being burst open. The three of us run out to see Bianca just inside the door, she's leaning against the wall, her knees to her chest, her arms around them and she's crying hysterically.

"Bianca what's wrong?" Clare asks as the three of us run over. When we get to her I see that her shirt has been ripped open. I clench my jaw and fists, an anger building inside me because someone tried to hurt her.

"What the fuck happened? Who did this?" I snarl.

"Some fuck at my auntie's he tried to rape me, I barely got away," she tells us through the tears and the shaking. Her keys are on the floor at her feet and I grab them leaping up and running out the door.

"Fitz what are you doing?" Clare calls after me but I'm already getting into Bianca's car.

I peel out and flip a hard U-turn narrowly missing hitting a car, I drive way to fast to Bianca's aunts but I do stop at stop lights and I don't cause any accidents. I run up to her aunt's apartment, the front door is still open from Bianca running out. I go back to Bianca's room but I don't see the guy, I hear him though, in the washroom getting sick she must have kicked him in the stomach or really hard in the balls. I stand outside the washroom door and the second it opens I punch him as hard as I can. He stumbles back and I kick him in the chest, he's surprised and stumbles back falling into the tub.

"YOU ARE A FUCKING SICK ASS HOLE," I yell grabbing his shirt and pulling him out of the tub.

"Get off of me you fucking kid," he says trying to punch me. I block the punch and elbow him in the temple to disorientate him for a minute.

"You tried to rape my friend you're going to regret that," I snarl turning him around and slamming his face into the side of the tub. A spatter of blood goes into the tub with one of his teeth.

"I never touched her," he responds spitting more blood into the tub.

"No but you tried and you're never going to do that again."

I grab his hand, put it on the side of the tub and stomp on it with my combat boots. He screams and I hear the bones cracking. I pull him down and lay him on the floor, I smashed his face up pretty good, he's sort of gasping for air or that might be choking on blood. I grip his shirt and lean over him so he can see my face.

"The next time you think about trying to stick your ugly dick in someone that doesn't want it remember this," I tell him and drop him to the floor again. I start walking out and suddenly there's a couple policeman at the door. "Well fuck," I mutter to myself as they yell at me to get on my knees.

"Get down hands behind your head," one of them yells like I'm deaf and they're still holding their guns.

I get down on my knees interlocking my fingers behind my head, "Yeah yeah I know the drill."

**(K.C.)**

"Jenna it's me I know you're in there Paige called Drew let me in please," I call knocking on the door to Paige's apartment. It takes a moment but the door opens and Jenna lets me in, she closes and locks the door again and sits on the sofa. "What's wrong? Why weren't you at school? I've been calling you since last night and your phones been off the whole time," I comment sitting next to her on the sofa.

"I just needed some time," she says.

"Some time for what?"

"Time to figure out how to tell you something," she replies.

"Tell me what? Are you trying to break up with me?"

"No I love you K.C.," she says with tears in her eyes.

"Then what is so bad you had to stay out of school for the day?"

"I'm pregnant K.C.," she says. Hearing the word pregnant I stop breathing, thinking, my heart races and stops all at once the world has stopped it feels like the end of my life.

"No you can't be," I shake my head finding my voice after a moment.

"I am K.C. I went to the doctor and it was confirmed, I'm pregnant it's your baby."

"No it can't be," I shake my head again.

"I've never slept with anyone else K.C. it's your baby. I know it's shocking I'm shocked too and terrified. What do we do?" Jenna asks fully sobbing now.

I don't have an answer I just keep shaking my head, I can't stop it's like a nervous tick. I get up and back away and then I turn and run as fast as I can. Jenna calls after me but I keep running as fast as I can until I'm home. Mom's at work and Maya's at Owen's place doing homework. I just start pacing my room, I can't even think just keep shaking my head and pacing my room hoping I was dreaming or she's not pregnant or anything because I can't be a father.

"What's with you?" Maya asks from my doorway.

"When did you get home?" I question as I stop pacing.

"Just now, Miles had their driver give me a ride. He and Chewy were doing homework at Tristan's too," Maya says. Miles is a new kid at school, a rich punk in my opinion and he likes Maya I can tell. She likes the attention but she's crazy about Adam and I will never let her date him, I don't like the look of him, or the way he looks at her. Chewy is the other new rich kid, apparently a longtime friend of Miles' I don't like the look of him either. "Why are you pacing around and shaking your head like a crazy person?" Maya inquires.

"Jenna's pregnant, that's why she didn't come to school," I tell my sister.

"Then why aren't you there talking to her?" Maya questions.

"Because I can't, she told me and I ran out," I admit.

"She told you she was pregnant and you ran out?" Maya exclaims and then SMACK my little sister slaps me across the face. "K.C. how could you do that? She's probably terrified and you just ran out!"

"I know but I'm scared I can't be a dad, look at our dad. I can't have a baby I have nothing to give it, we're barely making it as it is," I defend myself.

"You're not Kevin, you won't be like him, you couldn't if you tried. You have to go talk to Jenna she needs you and you two need to figure out what to do together," Maya reprimands and advises me at the same time.

"Yeah I know but I'm scared, what if Jenna wants to keep it?"

"Then you figure out, we'll figure it out but if you run out on her then you are no better than Kevin."

"Okay I'm going back to talk to Jenna," I reply.

"Good I won't tell Mom until you decide what to do," Maya says.

I give my sister a smile and leave our apartment; now that I'm not running it takes me almost half an hour to get back to Paige's apartment. The door is closed and locked again and I knock.

"Jenna it's me again, I'm sorry I ran out I was just scared," I call through the door while I knock on it and this time the door opens right away.

"I'm scared too K.C.," Jenna snaps but she does let me in, "I'm terrified."

"I know me too," I nod pulling Jenna into my arms and she cries on my chest.

"What do we do K.C.?" She cries against my chest and I barely hear her.

"I don't know but we'll figure it out together," I assure her. I get her to the sofa we sit down; I let her cry a minute more before talking again. "What do you want to do?"

"I don't know I'm too scared to think," she wails.

"Okay let's just not think about it right now," I reply stroking her hair.

"It's all I can think about, I don't think anything can distract me," she responds when the front door opens and Paige comes in.

"I know you two are in the middle of something but Fitz has been arrested."

**Update next Saturday from around here probably starting with Drew coming home and finding out what happened to Bianca. And Sean, Jay and the others find out Fitz has been arrested. **

**Also Ghosts of Who We Were readers remember there is no chapter tomorrow since I'll be at an event. And Tear Stained Shadowland readers please note (as was announced Thursday) there will also be no chapter this coming Wednesday as I will be out of town for the day.**


	7. Some Days Last Longer than Others

**If you voted in the poll on the website last week you can vote one more time this week (or 7 days after your first vote) so get those votes in because the poll will come down in a week. I took off the option for not wanting either since there is enough of an interest that one of the stories will be written. Based on which one wins you guys will be voting on further aspects of the story. If supernatural wins then you guys will vote on what you'd like all the main characters to be. If superheroes wins you will vote on which super powers the main characters have. You may even vote on which end game couples you would most like. In other words you guys will have a lot of input for this story.**

**Also RED2012, XoXo-Smiley-Riley-XoXo &amp; Blue. check your PM in boxes before May 11****th ****for September one shot week.**

**Also check my profile page between last Sunday and Wednesday I had quite a bit of time to plot. Several one shots, one short story and 2 long stories have been added to the upcoming stories list on my profile page.**

**Ch. 7 Some Days Last Longer than Others**

**(DREW)**

"Hey Adam called my phone he says you need to get home right away but wouldn't tell me what's going on," Owen tells me when I get out of the shower after football practice.

"Let me guess Clare's in trouble," I respond somewhat sardonically.

"He didn't say anything about Clare but I heard a girl crying, I'm pretty sure it was B," Owen tells me and now I feel a little sick and very worried. "K.C. already left to check on Jenna but I'm going with you," Owen says.

I just nod and get dressed quickly, Bianca took my sibs home so I have the car and Owen has his own. He follows me to my house, I barely get the car in park and I hop out, running into the door and straight into my sister. I think she was pacing in front of the door on her phone, I run into her and she drops her phone, she would have fallen too but I catch her. Bianca is huddled on the sofa and crying, her knees pulled up to her chest and her arms around them. Adam is holding her as she sobs so hard she doesn't even notice I'm here. I'm not about to drop my sister so I hand her to Owen, he takes her and I run over to Bianca. I put my arm around her and she turns to me crying in my arms. It's only now that I realize her shirt is ripped, I hold her tighter and look at my brother.

"What the hell happened?"

"She went home to get some of her stuff and some asshole was there, he tried to rape her. When she came back and Fitz found out he took off for Bianca's aunt's, he's not answering his phone," Clare informs us in an agitated tone. "You guys take care of Bianca I'm going to find Fitz," Clare tells me grabbing her purse and car keys. I don't want Clare to go alone but I'm not leaving Bianca so I look at Owen and he nods.

"I got her," Owen says running after Clare.

"Bianca tell me what happened, who did this?" I request.

"I don't know I've never seen him before, some ass that my auntie brought home. He was watching TV when I got there, I packed quickly but he came to my room. I kicked him and tried to get away but he grabbed me. I'll die before I let anyone rape me again and when he ripped my shirt, I kicked him repeatedly in the nuts until he fell over and I could get away. I jumped in my car and ran back here," Bianca says clinging to me.

"He won't touch you again, you live here now no one will ever touch you like that again," I assure her.

"I love you," Bianca grins and gives me a gentle kiss, "I'll kill someone before they do that to me again."

I just kiss her and hold her but the urge to go kill this guy is growing and I want to go over there. I start tensing up and growling unintentionally as I think about someone hurting Bianca. It's not until Bianca takes my face and kisses me that I start to relax and then Adam's phone rings.

"Clare what's up did you find Fitz?" Adam says into the phone and I know by the face my brother makes it's not good. "She's calmed down now…yeah I'll tell them…I'll call Spin…okay stay with Owen," he tells her and hangs up.

"What's up?" I question.

"Fitz beat the guy pretty bad and he's been arrested, Clare and Owen are going to tell Sean. I'm going to call Spin and Paige," Adam says walking back to his room.

"We have to go down there, Fitz beat him up because of me, he's going to get sent back to reform school," Bianca says trying to get up and I stop her.

"If Fitz hadn't I would have, you do need to make a statement though. You should change they'll want the shirt for evidence," I tell her kissing her forehead.

"Come with me? I know I'm safe here but I don't want to be alone," Bianca says.

I smile and get up to go with her, I hear Adam in his room on the phone. Bianca changes into a shirt she already had here and I put her torn shirt in a plastic bag. We tell Adam we're going to the police station so Bianca can make a statement and he wants to come. We get in my car and I drive us to the police station, the one I'm fairly certain they took Fitz to. When we get inside I see my five foot two sprite of a sister yelling at a 250 pound six foot cop. Not just yelling but Owen and Jay are holding her back so she doesn't assault him.

"We might need to arrange another bail tonight," Adam says under his breath as we watch Clare.

"…HE HAD EVERY RIGHT TO DO WHAT HE DID THAT GROSS PEDOPHILE TRIED TO RAPE OUR FRIEND ARREST HIM! FITZ DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG NOW RELEASE HIM YOU…"

"Clare!" I snap before she verbally assaults the cop and they have a reason to arrest her.

"She's already called every cop in here everything under the sun, they haven't arrested her yet, I think they find it funny," Jay tells me letting go of Clare so Owen puts his arm around her waist to keep her from attacking the cop. She has calmed a bit though, she's not yelling anymore just looking at Bianca.

"Where's Sean?" Adam questions.

"With Lucas arranging bail and trying to get Fitz released to his custody," Jay tells us and looks at Bianca, "Are you okay?"

"Not exactly okay but getting there," Bianca says.

"Just release Fitz what he did was to protect Bianca that prick got what he deserved for trying to hurt Bianca. I bet if he had succeeded in raping her you wouldn't have arrested him," Clare spits at the officer.

"We will release Mr. Fitzgerald to the custody of a family member and with a judge's order young lady," the officer says and we all cringe. Calling Clare young lady is like calling Fitz by his first name.

"Clare you should go home," Adam says before she starts lecturing the cop not to call her young lady.

"Owen can you make sure she gets home safe?" Adam requests before Clare can say anything. She does make a frustrated scream in the back of her throat and storm out however.

"I got her," Owen assures us running after her.

"I need to make a statement," Bianca tells the cop at the desk, "Fitz is in jail because a man attacked me."

I give the cop the bag with her shirt and he looks at it then places a call and a female officer comes out.

"I'm Detective Constable Markham I'll take your statement do you have a lawyer or adult you want present?"

"No," Bianca shakes her head and then looks at me, "I want my boyfriend back with me though, for moral support he already knows everything."

She nods and I tell Adam and Jay we'll be out in a bit. Bianca gives her statement at the detective's desk I sit next to her holding her hand. Hearing her repeat it I want to kill the guy again. The detective doesn't ask any questions just records it all and then has Bianca write it out. She does tell Bianca that she'll be in touch and may have more questions.

"Fitz is being charged with assault and battery," Jay says when we come out of the back, "he broke the guys hand and nose, knocked out three of his teeth and gave him a black eye. Sean managed to get bail so Fitz is being released to his custody."

"Good we'll do what we can to keep him out of the reform school. Let's go home Jay tell Sean and them to come to our house, we'll get everyone there that wants to be there," I command. Jay gets out his phone and sends a text to Sean, Jay rides with us since he came in Sean's car. When we get back to the house I don't see Owen's car but Paige is here, so are Emma and Johnny. "Where do you suppose Owen and Clare are?" I question as we get out of the car.

"Maybe he dropped her off and went home," Jay suggests.

"No," Adam shakes his head and I give him a look, "she was angry she's burning off some steam."

"What's that mean?" I ask while he opens the front door.

"I only know that she was angry," Adam replies as we step into the house.

"Bianca Sweetie are you okay?" Emma asks hugging her tightly.

"I'm getting there," Bianca replies.

"Sean and Fitz will be here soon," Emma tells us.

"Jenna and K.C. send their love but they needed to be alone, they have some things to discuss. I'm going to start some dinner," Paige comments walking to the kitchen.

"I called Dad and told him what happened, he's not expecting you in school tomorrow," Emma says sort of to all of us but I'm assuming she's talking to Bianca.

Emma walks to the kitchen to help Paige, Adam sits on the sofa with Johnny and Jay and Bianca pulls my hand. We go back to my room and she closes the bedroom door cupping my face and abducting my lips in a passionate and grateful kiss.

"I'm happy with you, you make me happy and strong and I feel safe, I love you Drew."

I smile and kiss her again, "I love you Bianca."

**(CLARE)**

After my brothers demand me to go home I run out of the police station in frustration before I attack the cop for calling me young lady. It drives me crazy when adults do that I find it extremely disrespectful to be called young lady when I'm a teenager and the adult is maybe ten years older than me. You call little girls young lady to make them feel older.

"Clare where are you going?" Owen inquires grabbing my arm

"Somewhere else," I reply.

"Well you're not going alone come on get in my car," Owen tells me pulling my arm.

"I don't want to go home, I want to scream," I comment when Owen starts driving.

"Okay," Owen shrugs. He parks at the school and we walk down through the ravine, we go past the bonfire and the place most of the kids from DeGrassi hang out. We walk down the creek a little deeper into the woods. "So scream," Owen says when we're alone.

I do just that, screaming at the top of my lungs and stomping my foot but I'm still angry and frustrated. Mostly about Fitz but also about some other things and it's all just bubbling over in me. I need a release, a more cathartic release than a scream and it's been my experience orgasms are good for that and Owen's right there. I walk over and push him against a tree attacking his lips with mine; I grab his shirt pulling it over his head briefly breaking us from the kiss. When his shirt is off I take my shirt off and then my bra, Owen looks surprised but he's not trying to stop me and is merely grinning with lust.

I open his jeans, pulling them down and reaching in circling my fingers around his growing bulge. Owen grins lying down on our shirts in the dirt, I'm not sure what he's thinking but I know what I'm thinking. I straddle over him taking his cock in my hand and stroking. Owen pulls down my panties and his fingers open my slit, he takes my hips pulling me down and his tongue delves inside of me. I moan squirming in his hands and taking his erection between my lips. I suck lightly, his tongue goes in a little farther and I moan against him. It does occur to me that we're in the open and can be seen so decide we'd better get through this somewhat quickly. Owen knows what he's doing and as I go faster his tongue licks around faster. Within a few minutes my body begins to tremble and Owen tenses, I start to orgasm just as he climaxes and my moans are muted by his seed shooting into my mouth. I swallow and finish moaning as Owen jolts a little and then fixes my panties. He sits up and pulls me into his lap.

"That was fun; do you always get so amorous when you're frustrated?" Owen inquires.

"Yep it's a good thing you were around," I reply and kiss him before getting off his lap.

"You know as much as your brothers and the rest of us worry about you it's not nearly enough. You haven't done that with any strangers have you?" Owen asks as I look around for my bra.

"No strangers and I'm safe, much as I complain about you all watching me so closely I also use it to threaten guys who would think about hurting me," I tell him finding my bra and top. I also hand him his shirt, "You know we're all covered in dirt and leaves we should get cleaned up before going to my house because I'm pretty sure everyone is there."

"We can clean up in the school," Owen responds.

We walk back to the school, shower in the locker rooms and put on our gym clothes while our clothes are washed in the school machines. Since I get bored waiting for our clothes to dry I push Owen against the dryer and make out with him until our clothes are dry. We leave the school through the back and Owen drives us to my house where everyone else has now gathered. I see Sean's car but when I get in I don't see him.

"Where's Fitz did you get him out of jail?" I ask Sean. Some people are eating but I'm not hungry, Drew does look relieved to see me though and Adam just shakes his head at me since he probably had some idea what Owen and I doing.

"He's okay, he's in the shower, jails are dirty," Sean says.

"Is there food left?" Owen asks.

"In the kitchen," Paige answers.

"What's going to happen to Fitz?" I inquire.

"He goes before a judge next Monday; we meet with his lawyer tomorrow. He'll probably be sent to the reform school again, I won't be surprised if he graduates from there and not DeGrassi," Sean comments.

"I'm going to do my homework in my room," I remark while Owen comes out with a plate of food.

"Did you eat?" Paige inquires. Spinner isn't off work for another couple of hours yet but I'm sure he's been thoroughly filled in.

"I ate a mouth full," I reply with a coy smile looking at Owen and he starts choking on his food for my double entendre. I start giggle and rush back to my room before Drew, or anyone else, can ask any questions. I sit at my desk and do my homework but stop when I hear the washroom door opening. I open my door with my hand on my hip and Fitz looks at me once he has his shirt on. "You're going to be sent back to reform school, you know that don't you?"

"I told you I like it there," he responds with a grin and I twist my face at him. "He tried to rape Bianca he had to pay," Fitz says walking into my room and pulling me with him.

"I'm not arguing that, he should be castrated but you got arrested Fitz. At some point they'll stop sending you to reform school and you'll actually be sent to prison. I love how you protect the people you care about but I don't you getting hurt either. You were in this very room a few hours lecturing me about being reckless and then you run off half-cocked to go beat up a guy. What happens when the guy fights back or has a weapon?"

"Clare I'm fine," Fitz assures me taking me into his arms. "I did what I did for Bianca I'd do the same for anyone of you. I'll get a few months at the reform school and maybe some community service."

"I hate when you're there and gone from us. I hate losing anyone else even if it's only for a little while."

"You're seeing so many guys you probably won't even miss me," Fitz replies.

"What does that mean?" I question pushing him away to glower at him. Fitz opens his mouth but there's a knock on the door before he can answer.

"Little bro I'm going to check on Mom you should eat something, we'll sleep here tonight," Sean calls through the door.

"Don't tell her I got arrested for aggravated assault," Fitz calls back.

"Not a chance, Clare make sure he eats something," Sean says and we hear him walk down the hall.

"You should get some dinner before Owen eats whatever's left," I tell Fitz.

"Did you eat?"

"Yeah and Owen tastes good," I reply with a vindictive tone for the jab about me seeing so many guys I won't notice he's gone.

It was mean I know, I feel Fitz tensing and he walks past me. It doesn't occur to me that he could reveal what Owen and I did until Fitz leaves the room. I wait to hear yelling but I don't hear anything, I stay in my room and finish my homework. I hear Sean come back and Lucas leave for work followed shortly by Emma leaving for work and then Spin comes home. I hear Owen leave too but everyone else is staying here tonight. I finished my homework long ago but have yet to leave my room, yes I'm pouting but I don't care. I change for bed and turn out my light, almost getting into bed when I hear a tap on my window. I pull back my curtain and find Reese at my window and he grins when he sees me in the nightie I chose to wear tonight.

"I came to see if you wanted to go out again but maybe we should stay in," Reese grins.

"Let's go out there's too many people here tonight, just give me a minute to get dressed," I reply.

"How about I help you get undressed first," Reese grins and starts climbing through the window. He gets pulled about halfway through before he's pulled back and punched in the face.

"Fitz stop it!" I scold him in a whisper so no one else comes out.

"Stay away from her," Fitz growls leading Reese away from the house by his shirt and shoves him down the street before returning and crawling through my window. "Reese is dangerous, guys with good intentions don't crawl through your window in the middle of the night," Fitz tells me.

"You just did," I point out.

"Keeping him out," Fitz counters. "Good night Clare," Fitz says walking toward my door but I catch his arm.

"Stop, sleep in here please," I request.

"Did you really do something with Owen tonight?" He asks turning around to look at me.

"Does it matter?"

"Yes."

"I was frustrated and angry, the cops wouldn't let me see you and one called me young lady. I needed a release and I'm not the little angel everyone likes to think I am."

"No one thinks you're an angel Clare, doesn't mean I want to hear about you with other guys," Fitz replies.

"Why does that even matter?"

"For someone really smart you can be really dense," Fitz responds and crushes his lips to mine. It's not the first time we've kissed but I gasp when his lips touch mine. It's a more forceful more passionate kiss than we've shared before. Fitz puts a hand at my lower back and my arms go around his neck. He brushes my hair back, his tongue gently seeking access between my lips and I grant it. My lips parting and he deepens the kiss, his tongue strokes mine and then he pulls away, "We should get to bed."

"I'm not tired now," I reply.

"When are you ever tired? Sean and I have to meet with my council in the morning," Fitz informs me.

I get in bed and watch Fitz strip down in the dim light coming through the curtains. He gets in the bed and falls asleep almost instantly but I can't sleep. My mind is restless and so am I but when I start to get up Fitz grabs my nightie.

"Sleep," he commands.

"I can't."

"Roll over," Fitz commands.

"Why?"

"Do you trust me?"

I roll over and Fitz sits up, he straddles over me and sits on my butt lifting my nightie and I admit there's a moment when my stomach muscles tighten nervously. A moment when I wonder what he's going to do but I do trust Fitz. All he does do is rub my back, he rubs softly but it's very relaxing and I start to get tired. When he stops and lies next to me he continues caressing my back lightly until he falls asleep again but I soon follow. Waking up when his alarm goes off at 5:30.

"We're meeting with the lawyer dude at seven and I gotta get all cleaned up," Fitz says getting out of bed.

"Will you be at school later?"

"Yeah after we meet with the lawyer," he replies and he starts getting dressed.

He exits my room and I hear him and Sean leaving a few minutes later. I fall asleep again until Adam opens my door and tells me to get up for school. I get dressed and go out to the kitchen devouring breakfast since I didn't eat dinner yesterday. Drew drives us to school and Bianca rides with us because her car is still at her aunt's apartment. Bianca and Adam begin walking to the school but Drew grabs my waist and stops me from walking.

"Should I worry about Fitz being in your room all night?"

"Adam's not worried," I reply.

"I get the feeling Adam doesn't tell us a lot so we don't buy you a chastity belt," Drew responds.

"You don't need to worry about Fitz, he's probably the most gentlemanly man of all of you," I comment.

"Just tell me one thing, are you still a virgin?"

"Yes big brother," I assure him and he lets out a relieved breath.

Drew puts his arm around me and we walk into school, he lets go of me to go find Bianca though. I start walking to my locker but get distracted when I see Jenna and K.C. sitting on a bench.

"Hey Clare how's Fitz?" K.C. inquires.

"He and Sean are meeting with the lawyer now. So you guys talked did you decide what you're going to do?"

"No not yet we're still talking does anyone else know?" Jenna asks.

"No one that didn't know before, you guys can tell them when you're ready," I reply.

I wave to them and walk to my locker I open it and get out my English book. Jumping and gasping with a start when I close my locker to find Reese standing there, sporting a black eye courtesy of Fitz.

"That thug at your house gave me a nasty black eye," Reese growls.

"He was just protecting me, I'm sorry for your eye is it really bad?"

"I'm not worried about my eye but I don't like being denied," Reese tells me through clenched teeth.

"Then next time don't sneak through my window when my house is full of people," I reply and try to walk away but Reese leans over me and pushes me to the lockers.

"I don't like being denied especially by two bit thugs wi…"

"Clare," Adam calls from down the hall and starts walking toward us with his arm around Maya. He also uses our code whistle so anyone in our gang nearby knows to come. "You okay sis?"

Reese whispers in my ear, puts on a smile and steps away from me, "She's fine."

"What's going on?" Owen inquires appearing with Drew, Bianca, Jenna and K.C. which is everyone but Zig and Tris.

"Just saying good morning to Clare," Reese responds.

"How'd you get the black eye?" Drew questions.

"Fighting with someone at the ravine, see you later Clare," Reese remarks and saunters off past Adam and Maya.

"Clare you alright?" Drew asks.

"I'm fine," I nod, "I should get to class. Anyone heard from Fitz or Sean?"

"Fitz won't be here until second period, you sure you're okay what did Reese want?" Owen queries.

"Nothing," I reply and Adam gives me a look but I'm not about to explain what happened last night to all of them.

"We all have the same homeroom let's get to class," Adam says putting his arm around me. We drop Maya at art and walk to English with K.C. and Jenna. "So what did Reese really want?" Adam asks when we're sitting at our desks, "And how did he get the black eye and don't lie to me because I know when you're lying."

**That's not a very bad cliffhanger right? Next update won't be until Saturday May 16****th**** because next Saturday I'll be gone all day. Next update will pick up from around here and include more from Reese, Jenna and K.C.'s decision and Adam gets in a little trouble.**


	8. How Soft a Whisper Can Get

**So DeGrassi as a High school for supernatural beings and creatures won the story poll. Now you guys need to vote on what kind of supernatural/mythic beings all the main and secondary characters will be. This week you get to vote on what you'd like Owen, Jenna and Sean to be. All the character polls will be up for one week.**

**Check the site for the winners in last week's poll Clare, Maya and Jay's characters have been decided. While you're at the site check out the calendars for June and July which have now been posted.**

**Also September's one shot week one shots have been decided. Huge thank you to Christlove88, dragonsprit, tomfeltonlover1991, Red2012, Truebloodfan83, Jenne11, COCOACOLEMAN, ForeverAndAlways37 and AJackson16 for voting and please check the site for the winning one shots, as well as 2****nd**** place shots that will be put into October and possibly November when I get to those calendars.**

**Ch. 8 How Soft a Whisper Can Get**

**(CLARE)**

"So what did Reese really want? And how did he get the black eye and don't lie to me because I know when you're lying," Adam tells me and I know I'll have to tell my twin the truth.

"He got the black eye last night from Fitz when he was trying to sneak into my room," I tell Adam leaning close to him so the others don't hear.

"And what did Reese whisper in your ear?"

I open my mouth to tell Adam a lie but he will know if I'm lying so I sigh and tell him the truth, "Reese was angry. He said he'd find me later so I could make it up to him."

Adam makes a face but doesn't say anything; although I'm sure he'll say something to Drew and the others at some point today. Adam seems to relax once class starts but Reese is in our second period world history class. Generally not outright aggressive unless directly threatened I'm a little surprised when Adam grabs Reese by the shirt and shoves him into the desk.

"Stay away from my sister," Adam warns Reese and lets him go before the teacher sees.

With the teacher now in class Reese doesn't say or do anything but he looks livid. I give Adam a look as he sits at his desk, now I'm more worried that Reese will go after my brother. When the bell rings for lunch Reese leaves before us.

"Did you really think threatening him was a good idea?" I question as Adam and I leave class.

"Yes," Adam responds and then looks at K.C. and Jenna, "We're eating in the field today take her."

"What happened?" K.C. inquires taking my arm to walk me out to the back of school with them.

"Boys are aggravating, brothers included," is my reply. Jenna and K.C. don't say anything and after a moment we're joined by Owen, Bianca, Drew, Adam, Zig, Maya and Tris. "Where's Fitz?" I ask Drew since he and Fitz have both first and second period together.

"He never came to class. Either he's still meeting with the lawyer or Sean took him to the garage. You can call him if you want," Drew shrugs.

No one says anything about Reese and a part of me is hoping that Adam didn't tell them, only because I know Drew, and likely Owen and even Zig, will feel the need to threaten Reese as well. We eat slowly and hang out on the grass, when I'm tired of sitting cross-legged I straighten my legs and lean back against Owen. Drew arches his eyebrow slightly but this is the most reaction I get from anyone. We head inside a little before the bell go to our lockers for our books.

"If Reese does anything I want to know, one more threat to you and I tell everyone," Adam says in low voice while we get books from our lockers. His next class is music but I have communications technology with Reese, along with Jenna, K.C. and Dave.

"I can handle myself you know," I respond to my twin.

"I know but Reese is unstable and I don't want you to be hurt," Adam tells me and I smile at my brother, "because I have to feel the pain too," Adam adds sardonically and I stick my tongue out at him.

Reese doesn't do anything in class; he doesn't even look at me. When the bell rings I wave to Jenna, K.C. and Dave and head for media studies. I feel someone behind me and turn around just as Reese grabs my arm and pulls me into a supply closet near the boy's washroom.

"I'm not afraid of your brothers or your friends you know," Reese tells me giving me a lustful grin.

"Then don't climb through my window when there's so many people at my house and don't make threats," I respond.

"You're my girlfriend now and no muscles for brains hood is going to keep me from you," Reese informs me and then crushes his lips to mine but I push him away.

"I never agreed to be your girlfriend Reese; I have a mind of my own. You were fun, a distraction from anticipating Jeff's return but now you're just a thug. If I wanted just a thug there are far more attractive and less crazy ones than you loafing around the ravine at any given moment," I reply.

Reese's expression turns angry and he shoves me to the shelves gripping my shirt like he's just going to rip it off. I realize his eyes are bloodshot and I think he took something at lunch. I bring my foot up and connect it with his balls as hard as I can causing him to crumple to the ground. So wonderfully convenient that boys have that weakness. Then I simply walk out of the supply closet, nearly bumping into Owen and Drew on their way to media studies.

"You okay?" Drew questions.

"Fine, Reese tried to tell me what to do and I kicked him in the nuts," I reply as we continue walking to media studies.

"That's what we've been doing wrong," Owen comments putting his arm around my shoulders. "The next time a boy hits on her instead of us threatening him we'll just tell him Clare likes to be told what to do and let her hurt them," Owen says and I laugh.

We walk into media studies and I sit at the table with Adam. When class is over Bianca drives us home with Adam, Maya and Jenna come home with us. Owen, Drew and K.C. have football practice of course. When we get home I go into my room and call Fitz.

"What happened with the lawyer?" I inquire as soon as I hear him pick up.

"It was just a deposition, he things I can plea to second degree assault with special circumstances. If I'm really lucky I'll get community service and probation," Fitz replies.

"And if you're not?"

"Then a couple months at the juvie school," Fitz replies in an unconcerned tone.

"I hate how easy you are about it when you say that," I scold him.

"Well it's not like I'm going to prison, I've been to the juvie school plenty of times. How was school?" Fitz questions changing the subject.

"You and Owen were right about Reese," I tell him.

"Why what did Reese do?" Fitz questions angrily.

"It doesn't matter he didn't succeed I kicked him and left. You must be at the garage with Sean and Jay I can hear all the tools are you going home tonight or coming here?"

"Probably going home Mom's been alone all day, I'll be at school tomorrow. You worried about Reese trying something?"

"No just wondering, I'll see you at school tomorrow," I reply and hang up.

I spend the afternoon doing homework in the living room with everyone. Drew gets home a little after five and K.C. takes Maya and Jenna home with him, Jenna is staying over so they can talk about what to do about the baby. Owen went straight home so no one is sleeping here that doesn't live here, unless Paige stays the night. Spinner won't be home until after nine so Paige probably won't come over tonight. The four of us make dinner and eat in the living room watching TV. I shower right after dinner so I have plenty of hot water, leaving the washroom for my room with a towel wrapped around my body and another around my hair. Startled by a figure in my room, hiding in the dark and at first I think it's Reese and get ready to yell for Drew but when the light goes on I see it's Fitz.

"We have a front door you know," I admonish him feeling incredibly exposed in nothing but a towel.

"I prefer this method then I get to see you first, besides I get to surprise you by crawling through the window, a few more seconds and I would have seen you naked," Fitz grins.

"I saw your silhouette in the moonlight I wasn't about to take the towel off," I inform him and now he looks disappointed.

"You were going to close your curtains before dressing?" Fitz asks getting up and closing them for me.

"Yes and now you have to leave so I can get dressed. Not that I'm complaining that you're here but I thought you were going home?"

"I did, Mom was pissed at me for getting arrested and at Sean for spending $200 to bail me out. She was drinking and yelling, she slapped me and Sean told me to go. He and Jay are there so turns out I am sleeping here tonight," Fitz tells me.

"That's good but you still have to get out so I can get into pajamas."

"Can't I just close my eyes?" He grins.

"Out," I insist pointing at my door.

Fitz leaves and I get out pajamas then blow dry my hair. I make sure my window is shut tight and turn on the fan in my room since it's quite warm tonight. My homework is done but I don't want to watch the football game my brothers are watching so I stay in my room and get out my laptop. I turn it on and then hear someone at the window, this time I'm sure it's Reese because I know Fitz is in the house and I doubt that anyone else would be trying to crawl through my window. Well aside from maybe Jeff but he's in Guelph until October when he returns for Thanksgiving.

"You'd better go," I warn Reese pulling back the curtain. Reese just looks at me, he's very displeased that I'm denying him, he's obviously not used to being denied or told no. He expected to come in my window but what he intended to do with everyone home I'm not sure. "If you don't leave now I'll call for my brothers and I won't stop them. Fitz is here too, staying the night in my room in case you have any ideas about coming back later. I like danger Reese I don't like crazy or controlling."

With that I close my curtains and go out to the living room sitting on the sofa next to Bianca. I'm really not interested in the football game but I watch for a while until I'm sure that Reese is gone, which is also when Spinner comes home. I know Reese can't still be lurking outside if Spinner is home. Of course Spinner sits down to watch the game but when I go to my room Fitz follows me. I expect my brothers to say something, to call him back or tell him he can't be in my room but they say nothing. If it were any other boy they would have but not with Fitz. We stay up for a while, he doing homework and I on my laptop.

"I can sleep in the living room," Fitz says.

"No sleep in here, in case Reese comes back," I comment.

"Did he do something tonight?" Fitz questions.

"Nothing I couldn't handle but I did tell him you were sleeping in here to deter him from coming back, might as well be true to my word," I reply.

"Next time I tell you a boy is dangerous will you listen?" Fitz questions turning off the light while I get in bed.

"No, you and Owen and my brothers, by blood or otherwise, can tell me anything you want about a boy but I will always do as I please and make my own decisions. Even if that means making them behind everyone's backs," I respond as Fitz joins me in bed.

"Of course you will, and you'll get into trouble and we'll have to save you."

"Just who says I need saving?" I inquire propping myself on one elbow and leaning over Fitz.

"I do and usually I have to save you," he responds in a cocky voice, "but I like saving you."

Fitz's hand combs into my hair, grazing to the back of my head and he pulls me down joining our lips. Unlike Reese, or even Jeff, Fitz doesn't want more than a kiss; he pulls away after a moment and tells me to sleep. I smile, yawn and use his chest as a pillow comfortably falling asleep in his arms.

**(JENNA)**

"I bet Reese is going to spend the day lurking again," I comment to K.C. and Maya as we walk up the steps to school Friday morning. I make the remark because I see Reese and a couple of his friends hiding behind the banister.

"Probably but I imagine Fitz will spend today walking with his arm around Clare again, like he did yesterday. Reese won't get close to her or any of us," K.C. replies.

"If he tries Fitz will kill him, so will Adam and everyone else," Maya remarks and then stops as soon as we're inside. "If you two are really going to talk to the parents after the game tonight then I'm going to sleep at Adam's," Maya tells us.

"We're talking to them, we've made a decision and they're going to notice I'm pregnant eventually so we have to tell them today," I affirm.

Maya shakes her head a little but then Tris calls to her and she goes over to him while K.C. and I walk to our lockers. Adam is at his locker and he smiles at us.

"Maya's staying at your house tonight, K.C. and I are going to talk to our parents tonight after the game," I tell Adam.

"Does that mean you've made a decision?" Adam questions.

"We're not keeping the baby but I didn't feel right aborting so we're going to give it up for adoption. We looked into it and you can work with a couple directly, there's a local agency that will match us with a couple. They can be involved the whole way and we can be involved with it after birth," K.C. informs him.

"Good sounds like the best plan, I'm glad you took your time to think about it," Adam comments.

"Thought about what?" Fitz asks walking up with his arm around Clare.

"We've decided to give the baby up for adoption. We'll be matched with a couple and they can be involved for the whole process, we can be involved after the baby is born. We're going to tell out parents after the game," I inform Fitz and Clare.

"Good," Clare grins. Fitz is smiling too but then he stiffens up and glowers at something at the end of the hall. We all look over to see Reese at the end of the hall, Fitz moves like he's going to advance on Reese and start a fight but Clare grabs his shirt. "Don't he's not worth it Fitz, he's angry it will wear off eventually," Clare tells him.

"Yeah and in a few days I could be at the juvie school and I don't want him to think he get to my girlfriend just because I'm gone," Fitz replies and we all look at them because Fitz used the word girlfriend.

"Who said I was your girlfriend?" Clare inquires with a hand on her hip, "I don't remember being asked."

"You know what I mean, I spent the day yesterday making sure he couldn't get to you and that you were mine. I see the judge on Monday and I might not be around for a couple of months after that," Fitz says.

"It's not as though Clare won't have all of us to keep Reese away, and everyone else," K.C. remarks.

"It's not as though Clare is helpless either," I speak up.

"Thank you Jenna," she grins. Clare starts to get books from her locker and after a few minutes Reese leaves. We continue chatting by our lockers until the bell rings; Fitz has homeroom with Drew but the rest of us English.

Nothing much happens at school, we tell Drew, Bianca, Owen and Zig our plan and they all like it. Of course after school is the first football game of the season, K.C. finds me before going to the locker room after school. He gives me a quick kiss and then I walk to the parking lot with Clare and Adam. It's an away game at Bardell so we're driving over there. We go with Clare and Fitz in Drew's car which Fitz drives. Tris, Adam, Maya, Zig and Bianca go in Bianca's car. Spinner and Paige are both in the stands when we arrive at Bardell, the game won't start for at least an hour but we wanted to get seats.

We get food and talk, I tell Spinner and Paige about mine and K.C.'s plan and they also agree it's for the best. When the DeGrassi bus pulls up and the team gets off we cheer for them. The game is close but the DeGrassi Panthers win and we run out to the filed to congratulate them and celebrate.

"I have to take the bus back to DeGrassi and shower, I called Mom before the game she'll pick us up there and take us to your house. Are you sure your parents are home and expecting us?" K.C. asks after I kiss him.

"Yes I called them this morning, I'll see you back at school," I tell him.

I ride back with Adam, Clare and Fitz. They drop me at DeGrassi before going home, I'm not alone there are a lot of people at DeGrassi celebrating and soon Lisa pulls up. The DeGrassi bus pulls in and K.C. promises to shower quickly. Lisa already knows Maya is sleeping at Adam's so she's not wondering where her daughter is. K.C. comes out having showered and changed, we get in Lisa's car and we drive to my house.

"Alright Jenna we're all here so what is it you two needed to tell us?" Mom asks as soon as we're in the door.

"We wanted to tell you that I'm pregnant," I announce and give it a moment for that to sink in.

"You're what?!" Dad exclaims.

"I'm pregnant, we've known for a few days and we've been talking about what to do for that long," I inform our parents.

"We talked about abortion but we didn't want to do that. We'll give the baby up for adoption. We found an agency in Toronto that will pair us with a couple looking to have a child, they can be involved from the beginning and we'll choose someone who will let us be involved after the birth. We've already decided this and it's our decision, you guys can be involved as you want to be but this is our decision and you can't change our minds," K.C. states firmly taking my hand.

"Well at least you were both mature enough to discuss your options," Lisa says.

"I can't believe you got pregnant so young," Mom responds and walks out of the room.

"We thought we taught you better than this Jenna, we thought you knew better after what we went through with your brother," Dad scolds.

My brother is ten years older than me and my parents had him when they were sixteen. I heard growing up how hard it was and how they didn't want that to happen to me or my brother.

"We used a condom Dad we were being smart but nothing is a hundred percent. It was an accident and we're not going to try and raise the baby," I argue.

"We're just shocked Jenna and very disappointed," Dad tells me.

"With Jenna being pregnant maybe it's better if she stays with us," K.C. speaks up.

"Yes I think that's a good idea, especially later in the pregnancy," Lisa agrees.

"I'll discuss it with your mother but it is probably best," Dad comments and gets up going into the kitchen and I hear him pouring a glass of scotch.

"Well that went about how I expected," I sigh. I knew my parents wouldn't take it well, I knew they wouldn't yell but they'd make me a pariah because I became pregnant at fifteen just like my mom did.

"So you sleeping over again tonight?" K.C. asks and I nod.

"I'm sure your parents were just shocked, they'll get over it," Lisa tries to assure me as we get back in the car and drive back to their apartment.

"Yeah," I nod but I highly doubt it.

"I love you," K.C. whispers to me and I smile.

"I love you too," I grin kissing my boyfriend's lips.

**(DREW)**

"Good morning Beautiful," I greet my girlfriend rolling over to kiss her lips when I wake up Saturday morning.

"Mmmmorning," Bianca yawns.

"Have I mentioned how I like waking up to you now that you live here?" I comment nuzzling my nose against her cheek.

"I spent almost every night here anyway," Bianca giggles rolling over and cradling her body into mine.

"I know but now you live here and it's different," I reply kissing her jaw and Bianca giggles. I start kissing my way down her neck and my hands exploring her wonderfully sexy curves. I'm all for starting the morning with making love until my older brother startles us both by yelling in the hall.

"HEY IF ANYONE IN THIS HOUSE GETS PREGNANT I WILL KILL YOU ALL," Spinner hollers to me and my younger siblings. Bianca and I start laughing and I get out of bed.

"Well Maya and I are in the clear then seeing as I physically can't," Adam comments as he comes out of his room.

"I'm on birth control and so is Bianca," Clare responds as I hear her coming out of her room. I pull on some boxers and pajama bottoms, Bianca puts on one of t-shirts, her panties and a robe and we leave my room.

"I respect your sister way too much to do anything but kiss her, especially while we're not officially together," Fitz replies following my sister out of her room.

"And that's why we like you Fitz," I grin patting his shoulder.

"So what happens if Paige gets pregnant?" Clare questions as we all converge in the kitchen. Paige looks up from stirring pancake batter and then looks at Spinner.

"I'll marry her and we'll have to build an extension on this place," Spinner replies kissing Paige's cheek.

We all help out with breakfast and setting the table before eating together. It's Saturday and both Paige and Spinner have the day off so we know they'll spend it together. There's a party tonight that most of us are going to but Spinner and Paige are going out. After breakfast Owen comes over with Tris and shortly after that Jenna and K.C. show up, when Zig comes over and the house is now full Spin and Paige leave for some time alone. We hang out at my place all day before going to the party. Jay and Johnny are meeting us at the party. Almost as soon as we walk in I lose sight of my sister, she disappears into the crowd although I am distracted by the red strapless top my girlfriend is wearing.

"You look incredibly sexy, remind me why came instead of staying at my empty house?" I whisper into Bianca's ear as we weave our way through the crowd in the house.

"Because we want to be social and you're a lot more amorous after I tease you for several hours," she replies and gets out of my arms going to the bar.

We both take a beer and go outside, there's one empty seat at the patio table and I see Johnny and Jay already at the table. I sit in the chair and Bianca sits in my lap. We sip at our beers talking with Jay and Johnny for a while. Bianca gets up to use the washroom and says she'll bring me another beer on the way back. Jay gets up to get something to drink and probably flirt with a girl or two, Owen sits in the spot Jay was in. We're telling Johnny about our game last night when I hear my sister's voice and I turn around. She has her back to us and she's not alone, Reese is talking to her and she doesn't look like she wants him to be.

"You had your chance Reese and you blew it," Clare snaps at him.

"I told you I don't like being denied, I could take you upstairs right now and tear that skirt o…" Reese is saying when I leap up grab his shoulder and pull him to the ground. When he's on his back I get down leaning my leg on his chest and my knee pressing into his throat just enough that he can't breathe very well.

"Talk to my sister like that again and I'll rip out your throat," I warn him and kick his side as I stand up. I take Clare's hand and bring her to the table with is just as Bianca returns with our beers.

"Did I miss all the fun?" Bianca questions handing me a beer as I sit down again, Bianca sits in my lap. There are no more chairs but Clare sits on Owen's lap. I arch an eyebrow at them but say nothing.

"Just teaching Reese some manners," I reply.

"A little dramatically don't you think?" Clare comments.

"I think Reese is going to end up being beaten to a bloody pulp by all of us the next time he looks at you," Owen responds and I nod in agreement.

Clare rolls her eyes and steals some sips of Owen's drink; he says nothing of course but does seem to watch her lips as she drinks. He's watching her lips with a look of lust; it is not a look I want to see in one of my best friend's eyes as he watches my sister. For most guys I would have said something, actually for most guys I would have hit them but Owen knows better than most what will happen if he does anything with Clare and especially if he hurts her.

"I'm going to go see what there is to eat, come with me Johnny? I know Drew won't let me go alone after that," Clare comments.

"Damn right I won't, not with Reese lurking around," I agree.

"I'll go I'm hungry too," Owen speaks up. Clare smiles getting off his lap and taking his hand they walk inside.

"You know they're hooking up right?" Bianca remarks.

"No way," Johnny shakes his head.

"You saw the look on Owen's face he was thinking about something Clare had done with her lips, I'm telling you they're hooking up," Bianca says.

"Over my dead body," I respond moving Bianca off my lap to go find Owen and confront him myself. I walk up the steps to the little deck and I'm about to go inside when a shriek from Maya stops me.

"ADAM!"

**Update next Saturday picking up right around here and we find out what trouble Adam is in. Drew confronts Owen and Clare…well Clare continues to cause and attract trouble.**


	9. Your Hands All Over Me

**Winners for last week's poll are up on the DeGrassi Saviors website and new character polls are up. This week it's Adam, Alli and Paige. Be sure and get your votes in the poll will stay up for one week. **

**Ch. 9 Your Hands All Over Me**

**(DREW)**

"ADAM!"

Hearing Maya's shriek I stop just before going through the door, turn and walk quickly to where I heard Maya's shriek. I make my way through a small circle of people and just in time to stop Miles from hitting Adam. There's a red spot on Miles' jaw so obviously Miles was about to hit Adam because Adam hit him. I grab Miles by the arms and restrain them behind his back, Maya is standing there still in shock that Adam hit someone. Adam is red in the face and his fist is still clenched.

"What the hell is going on?" I demand.

"I was talking to Miles and Adam hit him," Maya says.

"You weren't just talking," Adam growls.

"Maybe she doesn't want to date a freak anymore," Miles teases and I twist his arms behind his back a little more, "Ow!"

"Watch your fucking mouth," I snarl at Miles and then look at my brother, "Adam take a walk and cool off then talk to your girlfriend. I'll take Miles inside to get ice." I move a little but I keep hold of Miles and when we get inside I shove him toward the fridge. "Put some ice on it and if you even think about hitting my brother again I'll break your wrist. And a word of advice new boy, Maya is one of us and she's dating my brother, mess with either of them and we'll all break you," I warn him. I really want to find out where my sister is but Adam is a Mason boy and while he's not prone to violence as quick as me and Spinner are or as quick to temper as we are, when his temper does get flared it doesn't calm very easy. So I go outside again and stand on the porch looking for my brother, he's leaning on the fence in the corner of the yard. "Okay so what happened?" I question.

"Maya went to use the washroom; I realized she was taking a real long time to come back so I went looking for her. She was dancing with Miles, they were talking too but they were dancing. He's been flirting with her at school too, I talked to her before and she assured me nothing was going on and she had no interest in Miles but I keep finding them together," Adam sighs.

"Jealousy can happen to anyone Adam, besides Maya is not the type to cheat. Don't you think if she were interested in Miles she'd say something?"

"Maybe she's afraid to because she doesn't want to hurt my feelings. I've known Maya forever, she knows how girls react when they find out about me and Maya wouldn't want to hurt me," Adam replies.

"Exactly, so talk to her again. Tell her it worries you and tell her why and really talk. If she does like Miles she can't help that, but I know that she really cares about you too. I know she really likes you Adam but you have to talk to her, really talk to her and tell her to be honest with you. We've all had to have those conversations with people we care about and they suck but it sucks more not to know," I tell my younger brother putting my hand on his shoulder.

"Yeah okay, guess I better go find her, I'll take her out front there's nowhere quiet to talk back here," Adam comments.

"Yeah speaking of finding people I need to go find our baby sister," I remark.

"What's she up to now?" Adam questions.

"I'm pretty sure I don't want to know, she went inside with Owen and Bianca thinks they're hooking up," I comment.

It's not so much the thought of Owen and my sister that bothers me. Despite his reputation Owen is a good guy, I know Owen won't ever do anything to hurt Clare. If they were dating I know he'd be a good boyfriend and take care of her, key word though is dating and they aren't dating. I don't like the thought of anyone hooking up with Clare and I know Owen is not a virgin, not by a long shot he lost his virginity at fourteen to a senior girl, which is not as bad as Lucas actually. Owen is a good guy, one of my closest friends and I know he'll be good to Clare no matter what they are, it doesn't mean I like the idea of the two of them…well doing stuff I really don't want to think about my baby sister doing.

Not to mention that Clare can be a bit of a pistolshe likes to play with fire more than anyone else I've ever seen or known. And I know that she probably gets up to a lot more trouble than we even realize but unlike most rebels Clare tends to do it on the DL. She's an undercover rebel if there is such a thing, a smart rebel because she knows how very much we will kill her if we found out. Well not kill her, we'd never lay a hand on her but she would be under house arrest and one of us would just permanently guard her. So she keeps it quiet but I get hints of the messes she gets into from Adam and Bianca. I like to think of my sister as sweet and innocent, perhaps a little naïve even, I want to pretend that she has no sexual desires or even knows what sex is but of course she does and that's a very frightening thought to me. Now if she'd gone into the house with Fitz I wouldn't be so worried because I know Fitz is far too honorable to do anything with Clare without the two of them dating for a while. Not to mention Fitz is still a virgin, Sean's influence because Sean saved himself for the girl he was in love with.

"Yeah I sort of knew but she denied it to save Owen, also I don't think she wanted Fitz to know. Just go easy on her, if it was me you'd be patting my back with pride," Adam advises.

"Yeah yeah I know double standard, I'll go easy on her I don't have to go easy on Owen though," I reply. Adam grins a little and walks off and I get as far as inside the kitchen before I'm grabbed from behind by my girlfriend.

"You've been gone forever," she says kissing my jaw.

"I got a little distracted saving my brother from a fight," I tell her.

"I think you should let Clare and Owen have their fun and we should go have some of our own," Bianca remarks pulling me toward the stairs.

"But she…"

"She's fifteen Drew, we had sex at fifteen and Clare is not stupid. Be glad she's hooking up with Owen and not a creep like Reese. She's on birth control she won't get pregnant, well there's a 99% chance she won't get pregnant. You know Owen won't do anything Clare's not okay with and you know if she's ever really in trouble she'd get a hold of one of us. Now," Bianca says cupping my crotch in her hand and the ability to think temporarily leaves me, "stop thinking about you're little sister and start thinking about what I'm going to do to you."

Bianca lets go of my crotch and pulls me upstairs, we find an empty room, it's not a bedroom but a home office, doesn't matter though it has a door that locks. Bianca locks the door and pushes me to the desk pulling out the chair and sits me in it. Then straddles over my legs and pulls my shirt off.

"This is hot," I grin pulling her top down to expose her bra. "We should role-play I'll be the boss a…"

"In what universe do you think you get to be the boss? If anything I'm the boss and you are a really terrible secretary but I keep you around because you're hot and you know what I like. No shut up and undress," Bianca commands as she moves back a couple of steps so I can get undressed. I simply grin with carnal anticipation and stand up rapidly undressing.

Bianca pushes me back into the chair, takes off her bra and panties but leaves her skirt and heels on. She strokes me a couple of times and then mounts over me again, this time her legs are on the edges of the chair. Bianca grips my shoulders; I reach under her to part her pussy lips as she lowers herself onto me. Now gripping her waist with both hands Bianca slides all the way down and we both moan. As soon as the moan leaves her lips she latches her lips to mine. Bianca's body stays still a moment but her mouth is moving exhaling pleasured breath against my lips before her tongue slides along my bottom lip and my mouth opens. Her tongue glides in and caresses mine, sliding over it and I moan lightly into her mouth.

Bianca's nails scratch the back of my neck and her hips begin to move again. She goes from hardly moving at all to a rapid almost frantic pace. Bianca grips the back of my neck tearing away from the kiss to breathe, her head cranes back and her back arches. Her eyes close and moan after moan drops from her lips along with my name and panting breaths. An occasional rapturous grunt comes from my mouth as I enjoy the sensually gorgeous and erotic vision before me. I watch her breasts bounce, the seductive curve of Bianca's body with her back arched and her neck craned back. Then her entire body tightens around me and I moan again, my hands gripping her tightly. Bianca moans calling out my name and I make a guttural grunt as we both climax. Bianca slows down, letting out a deep exhaling breath and her arms slide forward going around my neck, her body pressed against mine, she's trembling slightly and I wrap my arms around her.

"That was fun, we didn't role play much though," I remark after kissing her temple.

"Another time, I'm thirsty now and hungry too let's go downstairs again," Bianca comments getting off me and retrieving her bra.

We get dressed and return downstairs, I grab us some water bottles while she gets a plate of food and then we go outside. I take a few sips of water and a handful of chips and then I see Owen, I don't see Clare however but I'll talk to Owen first.

"Be right back," I tell Bianca nodding in Owen's direction and setting down my water bottle.

"Boys," Bianca huffs but doesn't try and stop me. Owen is sipping a beer and talking with a few people including Anya but I go over and grab his arm.

"What's up?" Owen inquires while I pull him over to a corner of the yard where's there's less people.

"Have you and Clare been hooking up?" I question point blank.

"She initiated it you know I'd never do that, it's only been a few times I swear and she always has the lead," Owen replies and looks afraid that I'm going to hit him. The thought is crossing my mind.

"And just what have you done? No never mind I don't know if I want those details. She's still a virgin isn't she?"

"Uh well I haven't had sex with her but when I asked she didn't really tell me," Owen responds. At least I know she's still a virgin, well she told me she was and I don't think she'd lie to me about that.

"Okay here's how it's going to be since I know I can't stop her from doing it, much as I wish I could, I want to be sure she's hooking up with people I trust and people I know will take care of her and treat her right. Which means you, so if you're going to keep hooking up with her you make sure she's not doing it with anyone else and if it starts becoming more than that you better fucking tell me. Long as you do that I'll keep the fact that you've had your hands all over my sister to myself and I won't tell Spin and the others," I inform Owen. I still don't like the idea that he's hooking up with Clare but if he's going to be doing it then at least he can keep an eye on her for me.

"Yeah okay," Owen nods.

"Good now go and enjoy the party, oh and where is Clare?"

"I left her with Johnny."

**(ADAM)**

I leave my brother in search of my girlfriend, she's with Tris and Zig and I walk over, "Can I talk to you?"

Maya nods and I take her hand, we walk through the house and out the front door. We sit down on the bench on the front porch and I look at my hands as I think about what to say.

"Why'd you hit him Adam?" Maya asks.

"Because he likes you and I was jealous. Do you like him too? Tell me truthfully Maya if you do like him then I want to know."

Maya doesn't say anything but she looks away and that in itself is an answer.

"You do like him I knew it," I respond unable to keep the anger and bitterness from my voice. I get up to go back into the party but Maya catches my hand and pulls me back down.

"Adam wait please. I don't know if I like him, I do like you a lot, you know I do. I like you more than I've ever liked anyone but you're my first boyfriend, you were my first kiss. You know how much I care about you Adam. I don't know how I feel about Miles I barely know him. You had no reason to hit him," Maya says.

"You were dancing with him, he was flirting with you I had a right to be angry."

"Angry not to hit him Adam," Maya admonishes.

"I got jealous and I hit him I'm sorry but I really like you and I don't want to lose you to some rich kid just because he smiled at you," I respond.

"Adam you're not, I like you. Miles is nice but like I said I barely know him and I know I like you. Next time you're jealous say something instead of hitting the guy, at least do something not so aggressive just because he was talking to me and we were dancing to a fast song. I promise to be honest with you if you be honest with me," Maya says.

"I promise," I smile and kiss her softly, "should we go back to the party?"

"You know it's a little loud maybe we should just go home, I can sleep at your place tonight," Maya offers.

I smile and get out my phone, I text Drew and K.C. that Maya and I are going back to my place and we'll see them later. It's only a little over a block back to my house so it's an easy walk back to my house. I unlock the door and we go in, I lock it behind us and we sit on the sofa. I turn on the TV and we put on a movie, we only watch for a short time before we start making out and don't stop until the front door opens again and my oldest brother comes in with Paige.

"Don't mind us we're just going to bed," Paige says.

"I assume the others are still at the party?" Spinner asks.

"Yeah we came home early," I nod. Spinner just nods and he and Paige go back to his room. Maya and I go back to making out again, the movie ends and I turn off the TV. "We should go to bed before everyone else gets home, for all we know your brother will be sleeping here too," I remark and Maya giggles.

"I'll need to borrow a t-shirt I don't have any clothes here," Maya says.

We go into my room and I get her a t-shirt, Maya goes into the washroom to change and I start changing for bed. I get as far as taking my t-shirt off when I hear a noise in Clare's room. I'm pretty sure she's at the party still but she may have come home after a fight with Drew. Fitz should also be at the party still and he would probably use the front door but I know he's climbed in her window before. I'm not really worried about it but decide that I'd better check it out so I leave my room and go next door to Clare's room.

"Hello? Clare?" I call into the dark room.

No one answers but I hear footsteps, I turn on the light but before I see who it is I get sucker punched and my face hits the wall. I slump down, dazed by the impact and see a blur of someone dressed in black disappearing through Clare's window.

"Adam what happened?" Maya gasps rushing over to me and helping me up.

"Someone was in Clare's room and they hit me," I tell her straightening up.

"Who?"

"I have no idea," I reply going out to the hall, "SPIN." Yelling was a bad idea because I get dizzy and lean on Maya a little more. After a few seconds I hear footsteps and then Spinner throws open his door wearing only jeans and Paige follows in a robe.

"What happened?" Spinner asks.

"Someone was in Clare's room, I didn't see who because they hit me as soon as I turned on the light," I tell him.

"I'll get you some ice," Paige says after looking at my face.

"She still at the party?" Spinner questions.

"Yeah I think so," I nod.

"She's not sleeping alone in her room tonight and tomorrow I'm putting a padlock on her window, or bars. Maybe she should switch rooms with Drew," Spinner comments as Paige hands me a towel with ice in it.

"I'm sure he'll switch with her after we tell him," I reply.

"You alright?" Spinner questions looking me over.

"Yeah just a little dazed from the impact it'll be a couple of bruises," I respond.

"Alright go lie down, keep an eye on him Maya," Spinner says.

"I will," Maya says and takes my hand pulling me into my room. She has me lie on my bed and takes off my shoes, socks and jeans and helps me on with a t-shirt before getting in the bed with me. "Who do you think would climb into Clare's empty dark room?" Maya asks.

"Someone with a death wish."

**(CLARE)**

"I'm going to go see what there is to eat, come with me Johnny? I know Drew won't let me go alone after that," I comment after taking a few sips of Owen's drink.

"Damn right I won't, not with Reese lurking around," Drew nods.

"I'll go I'm hungry too," Owen says. I smile getting off his lap and take his hand we walk inside. "I thought you were hungry?" Owen questions when I pull him toward the stairs and past the food.

"You're edible," I reply with a grin.

"You know they're going to find out about us," Owen remarks and I stop on the stairs turning to him.

"If you don't want to come upstairs with me I can go back and get Johnny," I reply dropping my voice a little into a more sultry tone.

"I didn't say I didn't want to come upstairs with you I was merely pointing out that they're going to find out about us," Owen replies taking me by the waist and taking me to the top of the stairs.

"You're not afraid of the others are you?" I tease him opening the first door we come to. That's a closet so I go across the hall and that's a bedroom so I pull Owen into it.

"I've seen what they can do; Fitz just recently got arrested for beating the crap out of a grown man on his own. I've seen Drew, Spinner, Jay, Lucas, Johnny and even K.C. beat people to a bloody pulp and I've helped them more than once."

"You don't really think they'd beat you up?" I inquire unzipping Owen's fly and tugging his jeans down.

"For doing this yeah I do," Owen responds as I push him onto the bed. I giggle and push him to lie back before unzipping the shorts I'm wearing and taking them off. I'm wearing a black G-string and I get on the bed straddling over Owen and facing his hardening erection. "Yes they will kill me very very much," Owen replies taking my G-string down to my thighs and then his tongue dives into me.

I moan and arch my back before taking Owen's length into my mouth. I envelop the entire length and Owen moans into my pussy. My hips start to move, my body trembling and Owen begins to tremble when I suck lightly and graze my teeth over the head. As I move faster on him Owen moves faster in me and soon we're both near orgasm. I feel him go taught and grow slightly, my own body gets tense and then begins shuddering, I moan over and over and then Owen shoots his seed into my mouth and I swallow it down he stops for a second to breathe. His tongue stops but his fingers fill in, after a few seconds his tongue resumes and I make one last purring moan as I climax.

"I'm going to die, it'll be worth it but I'm going to die," Owen comments as I get off him and fix my panties.

"You worry too much, they've never found out about the others. Well Adam I'm sure has his suspicions but as we're twins that's different and he rarely says anything to me. They never found out about Jeff," I shrug grabbing my shorts to put them back on but Owen takes my waist pulling me down again.

"Jeff? Anya's cousin Jeff? What did you do with…no don't answer that. Just how many…no I don't want to know that either," Owen shakes his head.

"Owen Milligan if I didn't know better I'd think you were jealous," I tease.

"Just wondering who I need to kill is all," Owen replies.

"Don't worry besides Jeff you're about the only one I've done more than kiss with like I told you before," I inform him getting off his lap and getting my shorts again.

"What do you mean about the only one and you better not be talking about Reese we all heard him. I tell you I see him so much as look at you again I'll kill him myself," Owen says fixing his jeans and boxers and standing up.

"You know you sound more and more like Drew every day," I remark walking to the door.

"I got reason to," Owen responds as we walk out of the room. We go back downstairs, Owen gets a beer and I grab a pop and a plate with some fruit and chips. We walk back out to the table which is filled with other people but Johnny is still here so I sit in Johnny's lap. As there's nowhere to sit Owen walks over to Sav and some others and starts talking with them.

After I eat I get off Johnny's lap to go mingle, Reese seems to be gone, also I don't see Adam and Maya anywhere. I do find Fitz with Jay however and go over to them. I spend the rest of the party with them, mostly standing with Fitz's arm around me. We all leave a little after one, Jenna goes home with K.C. and I learn from K.C. that Maya is at my house with Adam already. Jay goes home, so does Johnny, Owen gives Zig a lift home and he and Tris go home. Fitz is coming home with us and the four of us walk back since we didn't drive to the party. I can see the living room light on with the curtains closed and when Drew unlocks the door and we go in. Spinner and Paige are watching TV on the sofa but Spin gets up as soon as we come in.

"Fitz are you staying over?" Spinner asks.

"Uh yeah I was planning on it b…"

"Good you sleep in Clare's room," Spin says.

"Did you just order a boy to sleep in my room? Did I miss something?" I inquire.

"Yeah someone broke into your room tonight," Adam informs us coming out of his room with Maya.

"Adam what happened to you? Miles find you?" Drew queries.

"No I heard a noise in Clare's room and wen to investigate, I called out no one answered but I heard footsteps and when I turn on the light got sucker punched. I hit the wall and saw a dark figure climbing out the window," Adam tells us.

"If I found out who it was I'm going to kill him. I don't want you sleeping in that room no more, I don't mind so much if Fitz climbs in and out of your window but I don't want anyone else coming into your room. Especially in the middle of the night, Drew she should switch rooms with you, put her between me and Adam, and you and Bianca near the door and if anyone comes through that window kill first and ask questions later," Spinner says.

"Fine by me, I don't want Clare near the door either. Reese threatened her at the party so he's a dead man anyway," Drew responds.

"Good you two switch rooms tomorrow, Fitz anyone comes through her window tonight…"

"Don't worry they won't be walking out of this house if they do come through her window they'll be limping out when I'm done," Fitz assures him putting an arm around me.

"Well I'm tired and I'm going to bed and as you've been commanded to sleep in my room I guess you're coming with me," I comment pulling Fitz into my room.

"Did Reese really threaten you at the party?" Fitz asks when my bedroom door is locked.

"Forget it Drew already threatened him back and I didn't see Reese after that. If he did climb through my window then Reese is dumber than I thought. Shouldn't you be more focused on the fact that my brother actually ordered you to sleep in my room?"

"I am focusing on that, I'm focusing on the why and not just that he did. I don't like the idea that guys are crawling through your window and I've already caught Reese trying to do it once," Fitz responds.

"And it was probably him because aside from you the only person to come through my window has been Jeff," I comment grabbing pajamas from the drawer.

"Jeff? Who's Jeff?"

"Anya's cousin I met him at the BBQ," I tell him as I begin undressing to change into my pajamas.

"Why'd he come in your room?" Fitz questions turning around so he doesn't watch me undress.

"He came to say goodbye before going back to Guelph, why are you jealous? And you can turn around again I'm decent," I tell him.

"I'm jealous of any guy that's touched these lips," Fitz says softly rubbing a fingertip over my lips and I smile.

"There's no need for you to be jealous," I reply sliding my arms along Fitz's shoulders and standing on my tiptoes and placing my lips on his.

I pull away after a second and tell Fitz I'm going to brush my teeth. I go into the washroom and get ready for bed. When I get back to my room Fitz is in my bed already and I know he's in nothing but boxers. I get in bed and roll on my side facing Fitz, he puts an arm around me and I put my head on his chest.

"Sean's off tomorrow he can help you switch rooms with Drew," Fitz tells me as his fingertips brush gently along my arm and back.

"I don't think that's what he wants to do on his day off," I comment.

"He will when he finds out what happened, Lucas will too we'll have your guys rooms switched in no time."

"You go to the judge on Monday," I remark sadly and my hand begins tracing his chest.

"I'll be fine," Fitz assures me.

"And if you end up at TJCS?"

"I told you juvie school is nothing, I'll get a couple of months at most stop worrying about it Clare," Fitz says.

"But who will stay in my room at night and protect me from big bad Reese wolf?"

"I don't think your protection is a problem," Fitz chuckles and I twist my mouth at him.

"Yes but you're the only one that sleeps in my bed and Jeff won't be back until Thanksgiving," I comment and now Fitz is growling a little through his chest but he stops when I kiss his chest. "Well just you and the girls anyway," I add and he relaxes a little.

"After tomorrow no one will be climbing through your window, now go to sleep," he tells me.

"I'm not tired now."

"You're very difficult you know that?"

"I can go watch TV in the living room if you're tired."

"After someone tried coming through your window? Not a chance, roll over I know how to make you tired," Fitz says.

"You know from another boy that would sound like you were about to do something quite naughty to me. Actually from any other boy that sort of comment would usually precede some sexual act but not from you," I comment rolling over to my stomach and Fitz sits up. He sits next to me and begins rubbing my back. "Do I not turn you on? Am I not sexually attractive to you?" I inquire.

"Now why would you say that?"

"Because most boys are all too eager do anything remotely sexual with me, even at risk of death from my brothers and the rest of you. But you barely kiss me. So do you really like me? I mean have true romantic feelings for me or do you just feel this innate need to protect me and keep me from other boys? A merely chivalrous act you have taken upon yourself after growing up around your brother and mine?"

"You're making it sound like I'm knight in a medieval court," Fitz laughs.

"You didn't answer my question."

"I…" Fitz begins and then stops.

"You what?"

"Shh, I hear footsteps."

"Relax it's probably just one of the gang," I reply.

"No I hear them right outside of your window," he whispers and then I hear my window opening. Fitz gets out of bed and pulls me out of bed with him. "Go wake everyone else."

"What are you going to do?"

"I'll attack from outside," he whispers back as we walk quietly to my door and Fitz opens it carefully, "go wake the others."

"Fitz don't," I insists trying to grab his arm but he runs for the front door.

I haven't even moved yet but my window is open and I can just make out a figure climbing through. I start to move when the figure is pulled out of the window and then I hear the sounds of fighting and hear Fitz groan like he got punched, then he starts coughing.

"Fitz?" I call but he doesn't answer and my heart is pounding. "GUYS!"

**So obviously I didn't quite make it to Fitz going before the judge in this chapter. The next update will pick up from here and include Clare and Drew swapping rooms along with Fitz going before the judge. Next week will also be the last update for 8 weeks; June is short story month and then 8 days of Clowen shots. July 5****th**** -19****th**** one of my best friends is visiting. Long stories resume on the 20****th**** and after next week there won't be another chapter of this until July 25****th****. The calendars, both mobile version and in pretty calendar form, are up on the DeGrassi Saviors site.**


	10. Some are Candles, Some are Fuses

**Winners for last week's poll are up on the DeGrassi Saviors website and new character polls are up. This week it's Drew, Dave &amp; Spinner. Be sure and get your votes in the poll will stay up for one week.**

**Also be sure and check out dragnsprit's new Fiona/Bianca story A Second Chance at First Love.**

**This makes 10 chapters! Thank you to everyone that reads this story and especially those that take the time to review, for letting me know what you love, what you're not liking so much and what you want more of.**

**Still not feeling very well so it's a short chapter but as this is about to go on break for eight weeks I wanted to give you guys a chapter.**

**Ch. 10 Some are Candles, Some are Fuses**

**(CLARE)**

"GUYS!" I scream to the rest of the house and run to my window.

With the dim light of the half-moon I can just barely make out Fitz fighting with a hooded figure. I also see the shining of a silver blade, raised into the air, Fitz is on his back on the ground holding the other guy's wrist and trying to keep from being stabbed. I hear my brothers and their girlfriends running to my room and I jump out the window. My pajama top catches on the windowsill and rips but I don't care.

"Get away from him," I shriek hitting the attacker and kicking his side.

"What the hell?" Drew says as he leaps out my window like a cat and grabs the attacker.

"Reese?!" I exclaim when I see the attacker's face in the moonlight. "Drew the knife," I say quickly seeing Reese raise it to stab Drew.

Drew grabs Reese by the wrist and then Spinner and Adam must also leap out the window because the three of them get Reese on the ground just as Fitz gets up. There's a few more seconds of struggling from Reese but he's quickly subdued by the four boys.

"I told you to stay the hell away from my sister!" Drew growls at him before punching Reese in the face. Deciding that he needs more incentive to stay away from me or just because they feel like beating the crap out of him Adam, Fitz and Spinner each kick and/or punch him once.

"Okay I think he's had enough, I'm calling Officer Turner. Bring him inside or something," Paige says turning around. She gets the spare key from it's hiding spot and opens the front door. Bianca, Maya and I follow her in and the guys follow us, all of them holding Reese. "Officer Turner said he'll be here in a few minutes," Paige says hanging up the phone.

"Take him to the kitchen, get him some ice, Clare in your room, girls get dressed," Spinner commands.

Maya and Adam go back to his room; I retrieve my robe from my room and go back out to the living room. Bianca has put on a pair of shorts under Drew's jersey that she wears to bed. Paige put on Spinner's robe and all the guys are still in boxers, we tell them to get dressed, Paige and Bianca watch Reese but he's hurting too much to do anything anyway. Spinner, Drew and Fitz all return wearing sweats, jeans or pajama pants and then the doorbell rings. Spinner lets Officer Turner in and we tell him everything including Reese threatening me at the party.

"I'll take him to the hospital to be checked out and then we'll take him for processing. He'll probably spend the night at lockup and be processed out in the morning. He'll get a date before the judge and you'll all be asked to testify or give a sworn testimony in writing," Officer Turner tells us before leading Reese away in handcuffs.

"Okay some of us have work tomorrow let's get back to bed," Spinner says after locking the front door. Fitz and I go back into my room and he makes sure my window is closed, I take off my robe and change into a new pajama top, he takes off his jeans and we get back in my bed.

"I should have known it was Reese," Fitz grumbles.

"Well I knew it wasn't Jeff he'd never have hurt Adam and he's much too sweet to have broken in with the intentions of hurting anyone. He probably wouldn't have come back knowing you were here either," I remark and Fitz growls just slightly. "Don't think about it anymore let's get to sleep, Reese is in lockup, well the hospital but he'll be going to lockup," I comment cuddling up to Fitz.

He puts his arm around me and strokes my back, "Promise me if he comes anywhere near you again you will tell me or my brother or Drew or Jay or someone who can properly kill him."

"You don't think I can properly kill him?" I tease drawing random designs on Fitz's chest with my finger.

"I'm serious Clare Reese is dangerous, he came here tonight with a knife and it wasn't to carve his initials in the tree outside. If he even looks at you again you need to tell one of us," Fitz demands in a stern voice.

"I promise but you might not be around for a while come Monday," I remind him with a sad sigh.

"No but everyone else will be and I might not get sent to the juvie school anyway," Fitz points out and then something occurs to me.

"What happens if you both get sent to the juvie school Fitz?"

"What do you mean?"

"Whaddya mean what do I mean? If you're both locked in there then he can get to you, what if he takes his anger out on you?"

"We aren't allowed weapons in there Clare, we aren't allowed to fight either," Fitz shrugs.

"Somehow I don't think not being allowed to fight will stop either one of you from doing so and not being allowed weapons doesn't mean Reese won't find a way. People aren't allowed weapons in prison either but inmates get shanked all the time," I comment and Fitz starts laughing. "It isn't funny Fitz I don't want you to get hurt."

"I'm sorry it just sounds so funny when say shanked. Look even if we do both get sent to the juvie school it's a pretty big place. Plus I'm pretty sure I've been there more than he has and I have more friends. Not to mention that his date before a judge won't be for a couple of weeks at least," Fitz replies.

"None of that makes me feel any better, if I'm promising to stay away from him and have him killed for so much as looking at me then you have to promise to be careful," I tell Fitz.

"I promise okay? I won't go after Reese if we both end up at juvie school and I'll do what I can to avoid him. Will you go to sleep now we have to move your room into Drew's tomorrow and he won't even be here for half the day since he has work," Fitz yawns.

"It's not like we have that much stuff," I remark with a yawn and soon we're both asleep.

**(FITZ)**

"MASON KIDS GET UP!" Spinner yells at seven on Sunday morning. Clare groans and hides her head in my chest more; I yawn and brush her hair away from her face.

"I think your brother wants you," I whisper.

"IF YOU SLEEP HERE MORE THAN TWO NIGHTS A WEEK I'M COUNTING YOU AS A MASON KID," Spinner yells again only this time he's in the kitchen.

"Guess that means both of us," I yawn.

"That means everyone who stays at this house," Clare says getting out of bed.

"CLARE AND FITZ GET YOUR BUTTS OUT OF THAT ROOM!" Spinner yells after another minute

"TOO BUSY HAVING SEX," Clare yells back as she grabs her robe.

"Are you trying to get me killed?" I question and she begins giggling.

"Hilarious you oughta go into comedy," Spinner says and I jump just slightly because now his voice right outside her bedroom door. "Seriously you two get up we're making breakfast and then you're switching rooms with Drew so no more boys climb in and out of your window with knives in the middle of the night."

"I'm up big brother what's for breakfast?" Clare questions opening her door.

I hear them walking to the kitchen and I get up slipping on my jeans and t-shirt before going out. Paige and Drew are making eggs, someone put on coffee and Spinner gets out bacon. We eat breakfast, clean up and then the girls go into Clare's room to help her pack and we go to Drew's room to help him pack, which is mostly just getting his stuff into bags, boxes, suitcases, blankets or even piles to move it into Clare's room. We're still packing when Owen, Tris, Zig and my brother show up. With all of us it only takes a couple of hours to get the rooms totally switched, Clare and Drew still need to unpack and put things where they want but they're unpacked.

"I have to get ready for work," Drew says looking at his phone.

"I'll unpack our room," Bianca tells Drew before kissing him. Drew grins and then grabs some clothes before heading to the washroom.

"I have to head to work pretty soon too, we should eat lunch," Spinner comments when Drew is in the shower.

"I think we have enough for people to make sandwiches, you get ready for work Hun I'll lay the stuff out," Paige tells Spinner giving him a soft kiss.

"So Reese tried to break into Clare's room with a knife last night," I inform everyone who wasn't here last night.

"WHAT?!" They all exclaim.

"Yeah he came in through her window earlier and gave Adam the bruises," I tell them.

"I thought you got those in the fight with Miles last night," Owen comments.

"Nope Reese surprised him last night. When we got home Spinner told me to sleep in Clare's room and I heard someone opening her window. It was Reese, we started fighting of course it was no contest with all of us against Reese. Turner arrested him last night after taking him to the hospital because we beat him good," I grin.

"Won't you get into trouble for beating up Reese?" Zig asks.

"No he tried to break in with a knife onto our property," Clare says.

"I told you he was bad maybe next time you'll listen to me," Owen comments.

"Take your opinion on a guy? Not a chance, if it were up to all of you I'd be a naïve virgin until you all married me off to someone," Clare replies.

"Well no one said anything about naïve virgin we just don't you around creeps like Reese," Owen replies and Clare smiles biting her lip. Given the look between the two of them I'm now positive they have done something, they're definitely more than friends and he doesn't look at her like she's his little sister anymore.

"I still won't listen next time you tell me someone is bad but I might think twice before doing something with them," Clare responds.

Spinner leaves before we're even done with lunch, he kisses Paige, tells Clare to behave and waves to the rest of us. Adam puts the game on and everyone sits in the living room to watch the game, except for Clare who goes into her new room and I follow her.

"What's going on with you and Owen?"

"I told you nothing," she responds about to sit at her laptop but I take her hand.

"I know what you told me and I know what I saw, I see the way he looks at you, I hear how he talks. I might not be very bright but I'm not an idiot and I think I deserve to know," I assert.

She bites her lip briefly and sighs, "Fun. Owen and I have been having fun, safe fun and I'm still a virgin and don't even think about fighting with him or even confronting him."

"I won't he's one of my oldest friends. If you want to go out with him I'm sure he w…"

"I never said anything about wanting to date him, I like having fun with Owen. We could have fun too," she grins sliding her arms along my shoulders and pressing her lips to mine.

I put my arms around her and hold her close kissing her back, I even deepen the kiss but pull her away before it becomes too much. She puts her arms down and twists her mouth at me but I still have hold of her waist.

"Because I don't want to just have fun with you, I like you too much for that," I tell her releasing her waist and taking her hand, "let's go watch the game."

After a while K.C. and Jenna show up, all of us spend most of the day at the Mason house. Watching TV, playing video games and just generally hanging out.

"You have to be in the judge's chambers at seven we better get home," Sean says after we've all gorged on pizza for dinner.

"Will you be okay? What if Reese comes back?" I ask Clare.

"He won't know where my new room is, good luck tomorrow," she says.

"Yeah that asshole got what he deserved the judge should take it easy on you," Owen comments.

We say goodbye and go home, finding Mom drunk on the sofa no big surprise there. Sean puts a blanket over her and we get ready for bed. I don't sleep at all, between the anxiety of what the judge will say tomorrow and thinking that Reese is trying to get back into Clare's room I can' get to sleep. My alarm goes off at six, I shower, dress in my one good suit and then Sean and I leave for the courthouse. I'm the first one the judge sees today so we're taken right into his chambers.

"After reviewing the evidence, the testimonies of all those involved and considering the circumstances I'm prepared to give my ruling. Mark Fitzgerald I find you guilty of second degree assault with extenuating circumstances. Mr. Fitzgerald after reviewing Bianca's testimony, and strictly off the record, I can't say I blame you for what you did. If I found out that someone had tried to attack my niece who is the same age I'd forget that I wear this robe and beat them with my gavel. However Mr. Crawford suffered a broken hand, a concussion and had several of his teeth broken or knocked out when you broke his jaw. I cannot just let you walk out of here with warning therefor I sentence you to three months in Toronto Juvenile Correctional School with possibility of release after six weeks. You'll report immediately the bus is downstairs and next time Mr. Fitzgerald I suggest you call the cops and find a better outlet for your anger."

"Yes your honor thank you," I nod and we walk out of the judge's chambers.

"Well considering what you did to the guy that wasn't so bad you've done a much longer stretch than that before," Sean comments as we walk downstairs.

"Yeah no sweat I could it standing on my head, I know all the staff and I know how to behave in there. Tell everyone I'll see them soon and do me a favor watch Clare, I know you already do b…"

"Why don't you just ask her to be your girlfriend already? I'm sure Spin and the others would approve," Sean remarks just as we get outside.

"I'm working on it," I reply and look at the bus waiting to take me to the juvie school, "see you in three months bro. Take care of Mom."

"You know I will," Sean says hugging me tightly.

I get on the bus and the doors close and I wave to Sean, leaning back for the ride to North York and the juvie school. My home for the next six weeks to three months.

**(OWEN)**

"I wonder if Reese will be at school today," Tris muses as I drive us to school Monday morning, "Fitz came to school after he was arrested."

"Fitz wasn't arrested; well he didn't spend the night in lock up anyway. Besides if Reese is at school I'll hurt him for going there with a knife. If you see Reese today you stay away from him you hear me?"

"I won't go near him; he probably doesn't even know I exist. Oh and I'm working on something with Zane at lunch," Tris says.

"You and Zane aren't in any classes together," I remark.

"It's not for a class it's for LGBT club," Tris replies.

I just shrug and we park at school, I see Drew's car so I know the Mason brood is here along with Bianca. We walk inside and find everyone in the foyer.

"Any sign of Reese this morning?" I question.

"He won't be at school today," Dave says walking over with his arm around Alli. "My dad said he's at home today, you guys gave him a good beating he's got a couple of cracked ribs and he's in a lot of pain."

"My heart bleeds for him," I say in a sarcastic tone and with a roll of my eyes.

"He tried to break into my sister's room with a knife he deserves his broken ribs," Drew replies with a growl.

"At least we know he won't try to break in for a couple more days since he can't climb through a window with broken ribs," Clare remarks.

"Yeah and if he tries he'll be going into a room with Drew and Bianca," I comment.

"Yep and we'll kill him, a lot," Drew grins almost pleased at the thought.

"Anyone heard from Fitz or Sean yet?" Bianca questions.

"They were meeting the judge at seven they might be out I'll try calling," I reply getting out my phone. Fitz goes straight to voicemail but when I call Sean he picks up.

"Three months at TJCS but he could be out in six weeks. He wanted me to tell you he'll see you guys soon. I just got to work I have to go, I'll drop by the Mason place later," Sean replies and hangs up.

"So?" Clare inquires.

"A minimum of six weeks in juvie school, maximum of three months," I tell them.

"Six weeks?" Clare says twisting her face and then sighs. "I'm going to my locker," she tells us standing up.

"I need books I'll go with you," I remark and stand up with her.

"I can walk the school halls alone you know," Clare says.

"No one said you couldn't."

"Your locker isn't close to mine," she points out.

"I can't walk with you?"

"Just wondering what your motive is," Clare replies.

"My motive is walking with you, of course if you wanted to divert into an empty classroom for some morning fun I wouldn't be against it," I reply with a lustful grin.

"At school? Are you insane anyone could walk in on us at school."

"Well Drew knows about us so I f…"

"Hang on," Clare exclaims stopping suddenly and pushing me into an empty classroom. "What do you mean Drew knows about us?"

"He confronted me at the party I had to tell him."

"And yet you're still alive so what did you tell him?"

"He didn't ask for details, in fact he didn't want to know. He just said he couldn't stop you and he wanted you to do it with someone he could trust," I tell her.

"So he wants you to spy?"

"No not exactly," I shake my head even though that's essentially what he told me to do.

"Well now that Drew approves I suppose you can sleep in my room now. Just remember," Clare says gently cupping my crotch with her hand, "I'm much more dangerous than my brothers," Clare whispers next to my skin. Then her hand drifts up from my crotch to the back of my head, she grips my hair and crushes her lips to mine. Her tongue glides over my bottom lip and I open my mouth, she caresses my tongue and I deepen the kiss. Her teeth gently tug at my bottom lip as she pulls out of the kiss, she releases me and then she saunters out the room.

"Dangerous, yes very dangerous," I comment to myself as she leaves the room. I take a moment for my erection to go down and leave the room actually going to my locker.

"Hey Owen," Anya greets as I open my locker and I look over to smile at her.

"Hey," I nod.

"So Jeff asked me to give this to Clare but I don't really know her can you give it to her?" She asks handing me a note.

"What is it?"

"I don't know, didn't ask a love letter I'm guessing she really worked her magic on him he won't shut up about her. They hooked up at the BBQ you know."

"Yeah I heard."

"Well anyway give it to her huh? Speaking of the BBQ I had fun too you want to go out Saturday?"

**It's not an awful cliffhanger : ) just a little one lol but you will have to wait until Saturday July 25****th**** for the update. It will pick up from around here, Reese isn't done yet and neither is Miles and Fitz gets a visitor at juvie school. **

**You have to wait so long for the update because Monday starts short story month, then Clowen shots and then I'll be off for two weeks. Check the DeGrassi Saviors website for the full writing schedule.**


	11. Find Time to Figure Out Your Life

**Welcome back readers, aren't you glad I didn't leave it on a truly terrible cliffhanger for eight weeks. Enjoy tonight's chapter which is mostly fluff and sweet moments. **

**A/N: Joey is married to Caitlin and has been since high school. Craig is not Joey's stepson and will appear later and Angela don't exist in this story.**

**Ch. 11 Find Time to Figure Out Your Life**

**(CLARE)**

"I'm starved let's go eat," Drew says when all of us converge in the foyer at lunch.

"You're always hungry," I shake my head. We usually eat at The Dot but Spin closes tonight so he's not going in until this afternoon, and today we decided to eat in the caf.

"I'm a growing active boy I need lots to eat," Drew replies.

"You're not that active you're starting to pack on the pounds," I remark patting his stomach.

"It just means we need to have more sex," Bianca smiles and Drew makes a noise as some image flashes through his mind.

"So I can eat anything I want as long as I'm having lots of sex then?" I comment in jest but keep my voice a little bit sultry and loud enough that the group of lacrosse players we pass hears me. At first they all looked shocked and then they all get a dopey look on their face as they get some mental image in their head that pleases them.

"Grrrraaawr," Drew snarls from the back of his throat either at the thought of me having sex or of the lacrosse team thinking about me having sex. Either way his face gets quite red and he starts to look more beast than boy, intimidating to most of the world but hilarious to me, Adam and Bianca as the three of us start cracking up. "You can go running or join the swim team or something," Drew responds.

"I prefer the hot tub, don't you Owen?" I tease and now his cheeks are red, boys are such fun to torment.

"Erhmm," he clears his throat, "I keep in shape playing football and working out."

"I can b…" I begin when Adam clamps his hand over my mouth from behind.

"Unless you want our big brother's head to explode don't say it," Adam whispers in my ear.

"Oh I almost forgot Anya gave this to me to give to you, she said it's from Jeff," Owen tells me pulling an envelope from his backpack and handing it to me.

"What is it?" Drew inquires.

"Anya thinks it's a love letter, says her cousin is quite smitten with Clare," Owen informs him and Drew responds by grabbing the letter from my hand.

"Andrew give it back!" I insist but he starts to open it. "Andrew Michael Torres give it back," I snap at my older brother in annoyance.

Rather than giving it back he holds it above my head, so I stop walking and leap on his back to get it. Maya and Tris are laughing, Adam's shaking his head at us and everyone else is just amused. While Drew's busy wrestling with me Bianca manages to grab the letter, I hop off of Drew's back and she gives me the letter. I'm not about to read it here with everyone watching so I stick it in a binder in my backpack in case Drew gets any ideas about stealing it again. At least Drew drops it for now and he has work after school so he can't bug me about it after school, he might bug me after he gets home from work but I'm pretty sure I can convince Bianca to distract him.

We get to the caf, grab trays and get lunch before finding a table. Jenna starts to eat but the smells get to her and she runs off for the washroom, K.C. goes after her and they never return. We find them in the nurse's office when we're done eating, Jenna is lying down and says her mom is coming to get her and K.C. is staying with her until she gets picked up.

Afternoon classes drag by and I find my mind wandering, first to Jeff and I wonder what's in the letter. But in media studies my mind wanders to Fitz, he would be at the juvie school already, he knows the routine by now and wouldn't have to go through the tour and all that. He must be in a class or maybe his room, they have bunk beds and sleep four to a room. Fitz doesn't usually talk to me much about the juvie school but I do know that much. I begin to mentally list everything I like about each boy and everything I'm not so sure about.

_"__Fitz; he's sweet, and attractive, he's not book smart but he's smart in many other ways, he's known me my whole life, he's noble and tender and is close to all my brothers and friends. I know he'd do anything for me and to protect me, he's caring and often knows what I want better than I do. But he's always trying to impress Sean, as much as he cares for me I'd be second to his brother's approval. And because he's either trying to get Sean's approval or because he reacts without thinking, especially when someone he cares for is hurt, he can't seem to stay out of juvie school he'd be away from me a lot. And one day it won't be juvie it will be prison. Jeff on the other hand has never even seen the inside of a juvenile detention facility, at least as far as I know. He's sweet and tender, very attractive and seems nice, he's considerate. He's lots of fun and quite talented with his tongue. I really know nothing about him however which is both a pro and a con. He lives in Guelph so I can't see him very often…"_

"Clare," Adam interrupts my thoughts and I realize the bell has rung.

"I hope you took notes," I say to Adam.

"Of course I did," Adam grins, "thinking about Jeff?"

"And Fitz," I reply.

"Who's Jeff?" Eli questions.

"A boy that likes her enough to write her a love letter," Adam informs him. We've gathered all our stuff and we begin walking to the door followed by Owen, Drew and Bianca.

"Is that all it takes to get into your daydreams? A love letter?" Eli questions taking my hand and stopping me from walking as soon as we're in the hall. "I can write you a love letter, I am a writer I could write you one that would make your knees quake," Eli says kissing my hand and I bite my lip sure that I'm blushing. "I think I'll start by talking about these beautiful blue eyes, and then these perfect pink plush li…"

Before Eli can say the word lips he gets pulled away from me by Drew and Owen. Bianca is laughing and K.C. joins us with Maya, Tris and Zig. K.C. and Zig catch on that Eli is being kept away so they stand in front of him too.

"Uh the three of us need to work on our project so Eli's coming home with us, unless you want me and Clare to go to his house," Adam states. I didn't even know we had a project but I was pretty spaced out all through class.

"That's it I'm buying you a chastity belt," Drew comments and I stick my tongue out at him. "Life was so much easier before you liked boys," Drew complains.

"I always liked boys, I have three older brothers and all their closest friends who are all boys. For every close female in my life there are at least three males how could I not like boys," I point out and Drew shakes his head.

There's no football practice this afternoon but Drew has to leave for work. K.C. is going to check on Jenna and Tris is going to Zane's but everyone else is coming to our house. Maya and Adam ride with Eli, Zig rides with Bianca and I ride with Owen.

"So you like Eli," Owen states.

"Was that a question?"

"More of an observation," he replies.

"Worried about your competition?"

"Maybe."

"Don't worry Owen," I respond with a coquettish tone reaching over and opening the fly on his jeans, "Eli's barely looked at me until today. I have no interest in Reese anymore. Fitz is in juvie and he doesn't want to have fun with me anyway, he actually wants a serious relationship with me."

"I think you'd be much less dangerous if you were in a serious rela…tion…ship," Owen squeaks out the last word as my fingers get under his boxers and stroke the head of his cock which begins to get hard at my touch.

"Does that mean you don't want to have fun anymore?"

"Didn't…nnn…s…s…ay that," he barely manages as I pull his cock through the opening of his boxers and stroke the length of it.

"The only person that does want to have fun with me is Jeff and he lives in Guelph so you don't really have any competition," I tell Owen before leaning down and enveloping the head of his hard throbbing cock in my mouth.

"Ah fuck Clare," Owen breathes and starts to squirm. I know we were just down the street from my house so Owen decides to go around the block. He parks at the far side of the park and I finish him off, swallowing his seed while Owen grunts and breathes.

"People make such funny sounds and faces in the middle of climax," I comment wiping my mouth. "What are you going to tell everyone when they ask where we were going?" I inquire.

"I'll say I had to get something from my house and you decided to come with me," Owen replies as he fixes his jeans and boxers and begins driving again. We reach my house a moment later and of course everyone is inside already.

"Where were you guys?" Zig questions.

"Had to get something from my house," Owen responds but his cheeks go a little red. I giggle and Adam gives me a look.

Since everyone is either setting up to do homework or getting a snack from the kitchen I go into my room. I need to do homework too but first I want to read the letter from Jeff.

**Pretty Eyes,**

**I could have mailed this but Anya and her parents were here this weekend so I figured she could get it to you. I realized after coming home that we never exchanged contact information but I kind of like it that way. It's kind of fun and makes the next few weeks, before I'm up for Thanksgiving, more of a mystery and clandestine. So I've included my address so that you can write me back but we'll leave it at that until I'm back in Toronto and kissing your lips, and other body parts, again. **

**I will tell you I've missed those lips and your taste. I do wish I'd gotten a picture of you though, I try to describe your beauty to my friends and I'm sure my words don't do you justice. **

**I haven't just been sitting around missing you, I do that a lot though, I've been busy getting ready for hockey season. I'm counting the days to Thanksgiving when I can kiss you again, and hold you again. And I'll see you in my dreams.**

**Thinking of (and wishing I was kissing) you,**

**Jeff**

"So what does lover boy say?" Eli asks coming into my room.

"Why?" I question closing the letter and rolling onto my side to look at Eli as he sits on my bed.

"Just curious what makes you blush and what gets you hot," Eli smirks.

"You could just ask," I grin.

"Not when I can hear you, come on we have a project to work on. You can study my sister later," Adam says from my doorway.

"I was warned to stay away from you because of your big brothers but Adam doesn't seem too protective," Eli comments as we get off my bed.

"I'm not the brother you have to worry about," Adam replies. "Besides if I didn't know that Clare would kick you in the nuts if you do something she doesn't like I'd never have let you back to her room alone," he adds and I smile.

We sit on the sofa and begin on our project, everyone else is working on homework and someone put music on the stereo. Adam, Eli and I begin working on our project for media studies but it's not due until Friday so we only work on it for an hour. Since Drew and Spin are both gone and Paige probably isn't coming over Adam and I make dinner with some help from Maya. Eli decides not to stay for dinner and he says goodbye when we begin cooking.

"Are you staying for dinner Owen?" Adam inquires.

"Yeah might as well Zane is taking Tris home," Owen replies.

"You could stay the night, seeing as Drew approves of us and all," I comment setting plates on the table and then go over to him, "and we can finish what we started earlier," I say quietly.

"I can sleep over," Owen says quickly and Bianca laughs.

**(SPINNER)**

I had a closing shift tonight so I don't get home until after midnight, I expect most of the house to be awake but probably in their rooms. When I open the front door I find Drew on the living room sofa alone, he appears to be doing homework.

"Hey how was work?" He asks as I come in and lock the door.

"Good, made some good tips. How was your shift at the kiosk?" I question.

"Pretty dead since it's a Monday but not dead enough that I got much homework done, only a couple of sales though," Drew tells me.

"Well two commissions is better than none. Are the twin troubles in their rooms?" I ask going into the kitchen to see what's for dinner.

"Yeah Adam, Maya and Zig are jamming in his room and both Maya and Zig are sleeping over, Zig will sleep on the sofa. Clare and Owen are in her room," Drew says as I grab a beer from the fridge after finding no food.

"Where's Bianca?"

"In the shower she wouldn't let me join her," Drew says pouting slightly.

"Cool so a quiet eveni…hang on did you say Owen was in Clare's room?" I inquire going back out to the living room.

"Yeah he's sleeping over in her room."

"Did they start dating?"

"No they've been fooling around so I told Owen that if he was going to fool around with her then he was going to keep the other guys away from her. And he knows if he does anything she doesn't like he'll die slowly and painfully."

"At least Owen is someone we trust. How far have they…she's still…"

"She's a virgin and Owen will make sure she stays that way for as long as possible. Fitz is in TJCS for at least the next six weeks which she's not happy about. But Clare has a new admirer, Eli he's in my grade, and Jeff wrote her a love letter so it's good that Owen's helping us keep an eye on her. Jenna got sick at lunch but she's okay K.C. is with her. Oh and Tris is sleeping at Zane's house, Bianca thinks they'll be dating by morning and Owen will kill Zane if he finds out they are actually dating," Drew informs me without looking up from his homework. I think about everything he just said then I hand him the beer I just opened and turn around for the door. "Where are you going?" Drew inquires.

"I'm going to sleep at Paige's, you seem to have things under control and I think I need a night off," I reply.

"Enjoy the quiet," Drew grins.

I nod and leave the house getting back in my car and making the short drive to Paige's apartment. I have a key so I let myself in and find my gorgeous girlfriend on the sofa watching the news. When she sees me come in she turns off the TV.

"Are you okay? You look exhausted," Paige says getting up and greeting me with a kiss.

"I am exhausted. I needed a night off and Drew has it all under control. I'm just going to go to bed, I hope you don't mind," I tell her.

"Not at all, in fact I'll join you," Paige smiles.

Usually Paige sleeps at my house but I still have a few basics at her place, a toothbrush, deodorant and a couple changes of clothes. We get ready for bed and get in bed, I lie on my back, one arm behind my head and my other arm around Paige who's lying on her side with her head on my chest. Paige's top floor apartment has a skylight over her bed so I'm looking up at the stars.

"You want to talk about it?" Paige asks softly dragging her fingertips over my chest.

"I have no idea what I'm doing. Dad died and left me with three younger siblings who are a handful. I can handle Drew, he's actually matured a lot and if he didn't help me with Adam and Clare I'd really be in trouble. Adam's been his own set of challenges, I feel for what he's going through and I want to do everything I can to protect him. Even after all the therapy sessions I still don't understand what he truly faces everyday being in a body that isn't right. And then there's Clare, I haven't the slightest idea how to raise a girl; I don't think Dad did either but he didn't have to deal with too much of her pubescent years. Do you know she has four suitors now?"

"Did you just say suitors?" Paige laughs.

"Well I don't know what else to call them, and that's not even including Reese, who will die if he gets near her again. I can't even keep track of them, at least Drew can. Did you know she's been hooking up with Owen? Apparently Drew found out and he's got Owen keeping Clare away from other boys, as much as anyone can. I just know she gets into all kinds of trouble we don't know about, I'm not even sure Adam knows all the trouble she gets into."

"I'm sure she does too but she's a teenage girl that's been through a lot in her short life. She's got a good head on her shoulders, she's very intelligent, sweet, generous and caring, it could be a lot worse. No parent knows what they're doing Spin but you're doing a great job and you're not doing it alone."

"Yeah I have you, and our friends but I really couldn't do this without you. You ever think about moving in like permanently?"

"You're asking me to live with you?"

"You're there at least four nights a week now and Bianca's moved in."

"Bianca didn't have much of a choice but I have thought about moving in before. What about Drew, Adam and Clare? It's their house too," Paige says.

"And they love you, for Adam and Clare you've been the closest thing they've ever had to a mom. I would love to come home to you every day, sleep like this every night. I know Clare trusts you and I know she needs a female influence in her life daily, a solid one. Someone she can talk to and so does Bianca. I wouldn't worry nearly as much if I knew you were there. But the number one reason you should move in is because I'm madly in love with you and I want to spend every moment I can with you. I want to marry you one day and if you can survive living with my family, and everyone that drops by our house, then you can survive any house no matter how full. In a few years all my siblings will be out of the house and we can think about having our own kids."

"You've thought about having kids with me? I thought after raising your siblings you'd never want to have kids."

"Of course I want to have kids with you. Having to raise my younger siblings, and most of the kids in our group of friends, has given us a head start on having our own kids."

"You've actually thought about this haven't you? I mean really thought about it."

"Of course I have, thinking of a future with you makes me happy. Almost as happy as having you in my arms," I tell her holding her a little closer.

"I love you Spinner, and I'd love to move in."

I grin and lean down taking her lips for a blissful and loving kiss.

**(JENNA)**

"How do you feel?" K.C. asks coming into my room he must have come straight here after school.

"Better, my mom said it was probably a bad case of morning sickness, which apparently can happen any time of day," I tell him as he sits on the bed and kisses my forehead.

"My mom will pick us up here after work to take us home. It will be a couple of hours though but I brought your homework from communications technology. Nothing too hard and Mo said there was no homework for music just to practice."

"Thanks, anything interesting happen in school after I left?"

"Eli was pretty interested in that love letter that Clare got from Jeff but not much other than that," he tells me.

"Watching her trying to wrestle the letter from Drew was pretty funny," I laugh remembering Clare jumping on Drew's back to get the letter.

K.C. smiles and hands me my homework, I already did my homework from English and science. Lisa picks us up a little before five and we go back to their apartment. She starts making dinner and I go back to lie in K.C.'s room. Maya is sleeping at Adam's again so it will be pretty quiet tonight. I end up falling asleep and he lets me sleep until morning when I wake up feeling rather hungry.

"If you're not feeling well enough we don't have to go today," K.C. tells me handing me some peppermint tea.

"No we need to go, our appointment with the agency is this afternoon and we'll be looking at potential couples," I reply putting some frozen waffles in the toaster.

We have our first prenatal today which will give us a due date and tell me how pregnant I am. The appointment is before school and after school Lisa is taking us to the agency where we'll meet with a counselor and then begin looking at potential parents. After we eat Lisa drives us to the clinic for my appointment but she stays in the waiting room. After I do a urine test the doctor does an ultrasound but there isn't much to see right now. The whole appointment takes almost two hours but that includes a lot of talking. Based on my urine test, the scan and my last period they tell me I'm eight weeks pregnant and I'm due on March 30th. Lisa takes us to school and says she'll see us after school for our second appointment. She has the day off so she's not missing work to take us to these appointments. We wave to Lisa and go into the school, we've missed most of first period but we knew we would, no point in attending the last fifteen minutes of class so we go to the office and tell them we're here before we sit down.

"I'm feeling a little nauseas again can you grab me a ginger ale from the caf please," I request of K.C. after we've been sitting a short time.

"Yeah no problem," he smiles getting up.

"The bell's about to ring I'm going to get my books from my locker," I tell him.

We walk down the hall together a short ways until he turns to go to the caf. I walk to my locker and start getting out my books. Before the bell even rings I hear Reese's voice, I thought he'd be in class with Clare but he's talking to his friends.

"I'll teach her to say no to me," Reese grumbles and I'm pretty sure he's talking about Clare.

"If you try to hurt Clare or any of us you'll all be flattened like pancakes. Drew's already beat you up twice," I remark.

"I'm not afraid of your little friends," Reese says with a confident smirk.

"Then you're stupider than you look," I reply turning around to close my locker but Reese runs over and grabs my arm.

"Maybe we should start with you blondie," Reese hisses in my ear. Before I can react K.C. runs over and pulls Reese away from me, then he hits Reese in the side. Reese is already recovering from broken ribs so he goes down.

"Stay away from her," K.C. growls at Reese while handing me my ginger ale. Reese's two friends try to grab K.C. but the bell rings and the halls become flooded with students. Just as Reese is trying to fight Reese's friends Mr. Perino comes out and yells for them to stop.

"Reese to the nurse," Perino says since Reese is whining in pain on the floor, "and you three Simpson's office."

K.C. kisses my cheek and walks to the principal's office, Reese's cronies help him up before walking to Simpson's office. I close my locker and walk to class, Wes and Connor have the class with me and I tell them what happened and why K.C. isn't in class. After lunch I go out to the foyer to meet everyone for lunch.

"Where's K.C.?" Bianca questions.

"He got in a fight with Reese and his cronies, Reese went to the nurse and K.C. was sent to Simpson's office with Reese's friends," I explain pulling out my phone to see if he sent a text. "He says he got lunch time detention today and for the rest of the week," I tell them as we begin walking to The Dot. "Where's Clare?" I inquire noting her absence and knowing her brothers would never leave without her.

"She stayed home sick," Drew tells me.

"She was fine last night," Owen grins. Drew gives him a look but doesn't say anything.

"She told Spin she had menstrual cramps and he let her stay home," Adam whispers to me. Spin and Drew both shy away from those things, when Clare and Adam, since he is still in a girl's body, got their periods Spin called Paige in a panic. However I know Clare is not on her period and must have had different reasons for staying home.

"So what's she really doing?" I question Adam but keep my voice low, of course Drew is talking to Owen about football practice so I doubt he'd hear us anyway.

"Trying to figure out what she wants I think, anyway she needed some time alone," Adam tells me as we enter The Dot. We all greet Spinner and order before sitting at a table. Zane comes in waving at Tris which earns him a little glare from Owen.

"Tris and Zane have a date on Friday and Owen's not too happy about it," Maya explains to me.

"I think Reese is planning to hurt Clare, possibly Drew or Fitz but Fitz is in juvie and well Drew will beat his face through his skull. Anyway he said something in the hall about teaching her not say no to him so I assume he meant Clare. K.C. hit Reese in his already cracked ribs so he probably went home and I'm sure he'll be hurting too much to try anything today but you guys should still be vigilant, you know more than normal."

"If Reese comes anywhere near any of us he'll die lots," Drew replies while Owen nods in agreement.

"So how was your appointment this morning?" Maya asks me.

"Good I'm eight weeks, I'm due March 30th and we're both healthy. The appointment I'm worried about is this afternoon," I confess as Spin and Karen bring over our drinks.

"Having second thoughts?" Bianca asks.

"No I know giving up the baby for adoption is the right thing, K.C. and I are not ready to be parents but there's still a lot to worry about. What if we don't find the right couple? What if none of the couples like us?"

"Relax Jenna I'm sure it will be fine," Adam assures me and I give him a grateful smile.

We stay at The Dot until we have to walk back to school for classes. We hear through the grapevine that Reese and his buddies got detention afterschool all week for fighting with K.C., who I find waiting in our third period class. He tells me, Adam and Zig about detention and Adam tells him Clare stayed home sick. My two afternoon classes are my favorite ones and they go by pretty quickly. K.C. picks me up from music and we walk outside finding Lisa in her car waiting to take us to our appointment. Again she stays in the waiting room and K.C. and I go back meeting with the counselor. After she's sure that we are both in 100% agreement that adoption is the right thing we have more forms to fill out. We already filled out a bunch online but there are even more.

"Well normally this is where I'd begin handing you files of the potential parents but one of our applicant couples knows you both. I invited them to this appointment if it's alright with you I'll bring them in," the counselor says when we're done filling out the paperwork.

"Sure," I reply trying to think of who we might know that wants to have children and decided to adopt. The counselor goes to a second door in the room and opens it stepping aside so the couple can enter.

"Joey, Caitlin!" K.C. and I both exclaim in the same surprised but delighted tone. We don't know them all that well but we do know them. They went to high school with Emma's parents, Caitlin is a reporter now but lots of DeGrassi kids have had co-op with her. Joey sponsors the DeGrassi soccer teams so he's always at games and often at the other school events. Since both of them are very close to Spike and Snake we've seen them at the Simpson-Nelson Christmas party every year.

"Hi," Caitlin smiles as they sit down near us. "We were very surprised to see your names but were happy to do this with someone we know."

"You don't have to choose us of course, we're only one of many applicants. If you do choose us we want to be involved for everything. Every appointment and birthing class and the birth of course. And then we want you to be as involved as you want after the baby is born."

"No this is perfect, I can't think of anything better of course we're choosing you," I smile and look at K.C., "right?"

"Yeah this is great, I was a little worried about choosing a couple but this is great."

"Well then if everyone is in agreement I'll get the paperwork started," the counselor tells us. We all say we agree and she leaves the room.

"There's one other thing, we didn't want this to sway your decision but we talked about it and decided if you did chose us we wanted you to be the Godparents," Caitlin tells us.

"That would be amazing," I smile and get up to hug her. I was so worried about this whole thing but now I know our child will be in good hands and it's a very happy, peaceful feeling.

**Look I didn't end on a cliffhanger! The update next Saturday will begin in Clare's pov and what she did all day since she faked sick to stay home from school. **


	12. There's No Wrong & No Right

**Due to demand (and the fact that I was sort of thinking about it anyway) **_**For a Couple of Nights You Could Say You're My Wife **_**will be getting at least another 2 chapters. When they'll actually go up I have no idea but I have it on my plotting list.**

**Ch. 12 There's No Wrong &amp; No Right**

**(CLARE)**

My alarm goes off and I hit the snooze button rolling over and cuddling into a warm body. I nuzzle into Owen and he puts his arm around me.

"Doesn't that mean we have to get up for school?" Owen yawns and I respond with groan. "Okay if we don't get up won't one of your brothers come into your room?" He asks but starts stroking my back.

"Only Adam walks into my room without knocking and not when there's a boy in my room. But I suppose we should get up, if you want the washroom you better grab it now," I tell Owen. He grins and gets out of bed; I roll over and smack his ass as he gets out my bed naked.

"Trying to tempt me back into your bed?" Owen questions cocking an eyebrow as he gets his boxers and jeans on to leave my room.

"I would have ordered you to stay in bed if that's what I had wanted," I tell him getting out of bed and sashaying over to him. I glide my hand over his boxers, put my hands on his shoulders and capture his lips. I nip his bottom lip as I pull away and he makes a noise. I grin and walk away from Owen grabbing my fluffy purple robe and putting it on before I leave my room. "Where's Spin?" I ask Drew when I don't see my oldest brother in the kitchen drinking coffee. Of course he could be sleeping since he closed last night but I look out the kitchen window and I don't see Spinner's car.

"Slept at Paige's last night," Drew informs me.

"I'm not feeling well," I tell my second oldest brother.

"You look fine to me," Drew says.

"Menstrual cramps," I lie. Actually my period isn't for a couple of weeks; Adam and I are on the same cycle. Really I just don't want to go to school, not to ditch school I actually like school but I need time to think. With Fitz in juvie and the letter I got from Jeff, what I've been doing with Owen and now Eli's interest in me I have a lot to think about. I need time and space to do that and that's not easy with three older brothers and a bunch of friends that are always at the house or with me at school. I love them all but getting away for some time to think is not easy. Drew pays no attention to when I have my period and doesn't want to think about such things so it won't occur to him that it's not time for my period.

"Have Spinner call the school I don't think they'll take a note from me," Drew replies scrunching his face at the thought of me on my period.

I return to my room and get my cell phone; Owen comes back in and gets his shirt on then sits on my bed to get his shoes on. I lie on my stomach and call Spin.

"Mmmorning," he yawns into the phone.

"Drew says you need to call the school and tell them I won't be in," I tell Spinner and Owen gives me a look.

"Why?" Spinner yawns.

"I'm on my period and I'm cramping," I reply.

"I'll call the school, take it easy," Spin says and hangs up.

"You are not on your period," Owen argues.

"No but I need a day it's not easy to be alone in this house you know," I comment.

"I didn't have to sleep over last night," Owen says as he finishes getting his shoes on. I set down my phone and get up straddling over Owen's lap and linking my arms around his neck.

"Last night was fun and I wanted you here," I tell him and seize his lips for a deep and passionate kiss. The kiss turns Owen on and when I feel the bulge in his jeans I get off his lap.

"You're evil you know that," Owen complains standing up and adjusting his jeans so it hides his erection.

"I know," I grin as he leaves my room with a grumble.

I start to get dressed and Adam comes into my room, Drew and Spinner would never walk right in but Adam and I are twins it's just never bothered us. Adam knows I'm not on my period but doesn't ask why I'm staying home he just tells me to be careful and says he'll bring me my homework. I finish getting dressed and wait until everyone is gone, there's something I need to do today, something to help me figure out what I want and clear my head. When everyone is gone I grab my purse and leave the house walking to the bus station down the street. I take that to the central bus station and take a bus out to TJCS, actually the bus doesn't go directly there it stops half a mile away and I walk. The school is fairly secluded to discourage escapes. I know I can't go in the school, I'm not family they won't let me visit but Fitz has told me enough that I know they have a yard out back surrounded by a chain link fence. I'm hoping the guys are in the yard and not in class. In fact when I get through the woods and approach the yard I see them all out there. I walk up the hill and use our gangs whistle to get Fitz's attention. He's sitting with a few other boys and looks up when he hears the whistle. Dressed in dark jeans and a dark grey t-shirt like every other boy here Fitz comes running to the fence when he sees me.

"Clare what the hell are you doing here? How did you get here? What are doing here alone? Some of these guys haven't seen a girl in over a year," Fitz scolds as I approach the fence.

"I had to know."

"Had to know what?" Fitz questions.

"If I could do this. I like you Fitz, a lot but I can't come out here to see you and you could be in here for three months. You can't stay out of here either; if you're not doing something to impress Sean then you're acting on instinct and anger. I know that bastard deserved what he got for what he did to Bianca but you ran off alone and just attacked him and now you're here for at least six weeks. Maybe when you get out it will be different but when you do get out how long will it be before you're sent back? I can't do this Fitz I'm sorry as much as I like you I can't do this," I tell him gripping the fence where his hands are and kiss his lips through the fence before running off.

I run through the woods again, back to the street and walk to the bus stop. My heart is pounding and I almost feel like crying. As I walk back to the bus stop I have nothing to do but think. Having just left Fitz he's all I can think about, I start to picture a future with him. He'd be caring and sweet, loving and attentive, know what I need better than I do and know just how to get to me. But his temper, I know he'd never hurt me but if someone else did he'd snap, not just me if someone hurt anyone in our group he'd snap and then he'd be back in juvie or possibly be sent to prison. If I let myself fall in love with him then I'm left without him every time he goes off to juvie. And what sort of future could I have with him if he can't stay out of trouble now?

By the time the bus comes I'm thinking about Owen. I don't see a future with Owen either but I don't really see any sort of relationship with Owen. He's a very close friend and he's fun but that's all I think he and I could ever be, good friends and sexy fun. Really the only reason I went after him was the challenge, I wanted to know if I could get him to see me as more than the Mason sister, more than Drew's little sister and I did. He's been great for…things and I know him well; we have lots of sexy fun together. It's quite convenient that Drew trusts him now since we don't have to hide any longer. I really can't see us dating though and neither of us wants that, as far as I know anyway.

Then there's Eli, a new prospect. Eli is intriguing, he's mysterious and intelligent, he's attractive and I do like him. I don't know that much about him but we can fix that. I do get lost in those deep green eyes.

By the time I get home I'm thinking of Jeff, handsome, forward, confident and with a sexy smile that makes me tingle. He writes good love letters. He's Anya's cousin, he'll be back at Thanksgiving but Guelph is an hour away. I'm not allowed to drive and no one will take me to Guelph to hookup with Jeff, well Bianca might but still. If he lived here I could most certainly see a relationship with him, there's something very exciting about him, something that reminds me of Fitz. Yet the fact that he does live an hour away is titillating in it's own right. Exchanging letters for a few weeks until he's back could be quite fun and I have to admit very romantic. I arrive home a little after one and I'm famished I only had a granola bar this morning. So I make myself some lunch and go into my room to write back to Jeff.

**Hello Sexy Smile,**

**I loved your letter. It caused quite a commotion here, no one else saw it but Drew tried to take it from me. Brothers can be so obnoxious sometimes!**

**I like the idea of only exchanging letters until you return. Clandestine communication is very sexy. I've missed your kisses, your touch; even thinking about it now has me tingling. I can think of so many things for us to do when you're here for Thanksgiving. Six weeks seems like an incredibly long time right now so I want lots of letters in those six weeks until I'm back in your arms. **

**I have to warn you before you come back if you plan on sneaking in again I've switched rooms with Drew. I'll show you when you get here.**

**I didn't even know you played hockey. I'd love to see you in a game one day but I don't think the DeGrassi team will ever play against a team in Guelph.**

**Dreaming of your return and anticipating your kiss,**

**Clare**

I fold the paper and get an envelope from the kitchen, addressing it and putting on a stamp; I walk it out to the mailbox and return to the house. I spend the rest of the afternoon watching TV and take a shower before everyone gets home.

"Did you figure things out?" Adam asks coming in my room when everyone is home from school.

"Not really, things are a little clearer I guess. How was school?"

"It was fine, Eli's on his way over to work on our project. I figured you be up for it seeing as you didn't really have cramps," Adam says.

"Good we can we work in my room," I smile.

"Might as well Drew, Owen and Bianca are working in the living room. Tris and Maya are here working on homework and Jenna and K.C. might come by later."

"Eli's here," Drew calls into the house.

"Hi Eli we'll be working in my room," I tell him going out into the hall. Drew and Owen both watch as Eli comes back to my room but neither says anything.

"Feeling better?" Eli questions sitting next to me on my bed.

"Yeah," I smile.

"My ex used to get cramps and she always liked it when I rubbed her neck," Eli tells me and then demonstrates by rubbing my neck, at least until Adam hits him on the head with a pencil. "Ow I thought you were the brother I didn't have to watch out for?" Eli grouses rubbing his head.

"I'm not but we have to work on our project. I'm going to get a snack do you want anything?"

"Yeah I haven't eaten much today," I nod.

"Yeah anything is good I'm not picky," Eli says. Adam leaves the room and I look at Eli. "There's just one thing I've been thinking about doing all day," Eli tells me.

"What's that?" I inquire.

Eli puts his fingers under my chin and places his lips on mine, I grip his shirt and deepen the kiss. His lips begin to part just slightly and I pull away, never hurts to leave them wanting more. Besides which I hear Adam coming, not that he'll necessarily care that we're kissing but it's still better not to be doing so when my brother comes in the room.

**(ADAM)**

I return to the room with snacks and we begin working on the project again. It's due on Friday and we work pretty fast together, even with Eli and Clare flirting every few minutes. We work on the project for an hour and stay in Clare's room to do the rest of our homework. Eli leaves just after five, we walk him out and see Lisa driving up with K.C. and Jenna in the car. They all get out and come into the house, Jenna and K.C. are smiling so it must be good news.

"How'd it go?" Maya asks.

"Great we didn't even really have a decision. Joey and Caitlin are looking to adopt and saw our names and we already know them so it was an easy decision. They want to be involved for everything and asked us to be the Godparents," Jenna tells us excitedly.

"Hey that's great it couldn't have worked out better," Clare smiles.

"I know it's perfect and we're very happy. We just wanted to come by to tell you guys and also to pick up my sister," K.C. says.

"Guess that means I have to sleep at home tonight," Maya comments gathering her stuff. She says goodbye to the others, kisses me and the four of them leave together.

"We should probably get going too Tris," Owen speaks up when the Guthries and Jenna leave.

"Don't want to spend the night again?" Clare teases him.

"Need to rest up first," Owen replies and Drew shoots him a look and then Clare a look which makes her giggle.

"I'd better see what we have for dinner, Spin will be home soon," Clare says before Drew can say anything.

Owen leaves with Tris and I follow Clare into the kitchen while Drew and Bianca go back to their room. We make a salad and cook some chicken and rice, dinners ready by the time Spin gets home. We make some small talk about our days and Clare telling Spin she feels fine and will go to school tomorrow, and we tell him about Joey and Caitlin adopting Jenna and K.C.'s baby.

"I asked Paige to move in last night," Spinner tells us.

"What'd she say?" I question. The three of us, and Bianca I'm sure along with everyone else, figured this was coming for a while. In fact if Dad hadn't died I think Spinner was getting ready to ask Paige to move into his apartment.

"She said she'd love to but she wanted to be sure you were all okay with it," Spin replies.

"Duh we're okay with it, she's over here all the time anyway and we figured she'd move in soon," Clare replies.

"Yeah I thought you'd ask her months ago," Drew says and I nod in agreement.

"I thought that's what you'd all say and so did she but she wanted to be sure. She'll have to see about breaking her lease early but if it's not too bad she thought she'd move in this weekend," Spinner tells us.

"Good another female in the house," Clare smiles.

"I can ask Maya to move in," I tease.

"That's not going to happen, Lisa and K.C. won't allow it," Drew comments.

"I was joking," I reply sticking my tongue out at my brother.

"If you all have girls move in then I get to have a guy move in," Clare remarks.

"Wouldn't that require you to pick one boy?" I tease her and now Clare sticks her tongue out at me.

Since Clare and I made dinner Spin, Drew and Bianca clean up. Clare and I get ourselves dessert and watch TV in the living room. Spinner showers when he's done cleaning but Drew and Bianca join us to watch TV. On a commercial Clare gets up to take her plate and glass back to the kitchen.

"Aagghh!" She screams suddenly and then we here the breaking of glass. The three of us get up and run to the kitchen, Clare's glass and plate have fallen to the floor and she's standing there looking at it.

"What happened?" I question.

"I…" she pauses and looks out the kitchen window, she's got an odd look on her face and I know she's scared. "I slipped," she finally says walking to the pantry to get a broom. Drew and Bianca look at her another second before going back to the living room.

"You got that frightened after slipping?"

"I've got a lot on my mind I wasn't paying attention," she replies but I know she's lying.

"You want help cleaning up?"

"No I got it."

I turn and walk back to the living room; after Clare cleans up she watches TV with us but she's a little on edge. She takes a shower and goes to bed early. I go to bed a little after midnight and get woken up when I feel someone getting into my bed. Without Maya here there's only one other person that would get into my bed in the middle of the night.

"Clare are you okay?"

"Bad dream," she says quietly.

"You want to talk about it?"

"No," she replies and curls up.

Ever since we were really little we'd crawl into the other's bed when one of us had a nightmare. It became habit and we still do it. It's not as though we'd get into bed with Drew or Spinner if we had a bad dream but Clare and I are twins, we shared a womb before birth and a room after birth for over ten years. We're very close and it's just comforting after a nightmare. She falls asleep so I fall back asleep and we stay asleep until my alarm goes off. We leave my room as Drew and Bianca are leaving his.

"How bad was the nightmare?" Drew asks Clare, knowing the only reason she'd be coming out of my room at this hour is that she had a bad dream.

"Bad," Clare says before going into the washroom.

"She didn't tell me about it," I shrug when they look at me.

Spinner has to be at work at eight so he's already awake and getting ready to leave. When the four of us are ready we leave for school, we all take Drew's car to school, he has football after school but Bianca can drive us home and Drew will get a ride with Owen. When the four of us walk up the steps to the school I see Reese and his cronies lurking on the other side of the steps. He's leering at Clare and I glare at him moving Clare to my other side and she gives me a look.

"Reese is glaring at you," I whisper to her.

"Let him glare he won't get anywhere near me again," she replies putting her arm around my shoulders.

We walk in and to our lockers, parting from Drew and Bianca since their lockers are in a different hallway. Zig is at his locker and we say hi. I start getting out my books when Maya comes and puts her hands over my eyes, when I turn around she greets me with a kiss.

"I'll walk you to class, Zig keep an eye on my sister," I order.

"I can walk to class alone Drew," Clare retorts with a snarky tone, calling me Drew since he's usually more protective than I am.

"Not with Reese and his friends out there," I respond.

"Jenna did say he threatened you yesterday," Maya comments and Clare rolls her eyes.

"I'll get her to class," Zig says as Clare closes her locker.

"Zig could have walked me we do share the same homeroom," Maya comments.

"I know but I like walking my girlfriend to class," I grin.

I take her to art and wave to Eli who's already in class. I kiss Maya and begin walking to English which is my homeroom. I'm thinking about Maya and then I'm pulled into a classroom, an empty classroom and it's completely dark. I turn and push away whoever has ahold of me but then I'm punched and I fall into a desk. Before I can find my footing I get kicked from behind, I try to get up but there's two of them and they won't stop. Every time I try to get up I get kicked or hit again and then I get kicked in the head, I feel dizzy and then I feel nothing.

**(FITZ)**

Clare kisses me and runs off while I'm still in shock that she was even up here. I watch her until she disappears into the woods.

"Fitzgerald away from the fence," a guard yells.

Clare's lucky she wasn't spotted, not that they would have done anything to her but I would have gotten in trouble and they would have called Spin. If Spin found out she came up here all the way on her own to see me he probably would have killed us both.

"Who was the babe?" Elias asks when I return to the guys I was hanging with. Most of them I consider friends and a few of them have been in here almost a year.

"Doesn't matter she's off limits," I reply.

The guys tease me a minute about the hot mystery girl but I'm thinking about what Clare said and don't pay attention. The bell rings after a couple of minutes and we have to go in for class. After classes, chores and dinner we get two hours of free time until bed. Usually we wander the dorm talking to people or play cards, read or something. Today though I just lie in my bunk, I'm stuck on what Clare was saying and it replays in my head on an endless loop.

"_I like you Fitz, a lot but I can't come out here and you could be in here for three months. You can't stay out of here either; if you're not doing something to impress Sean then you're acting on instinct and anger." _Is that really what she thinks about me? I guess she isn't wrong I've been in here a lot, sometimes for stealing things for Mom. Of course I got six months when I stole a car to show Sean that I could. I was twelve. Okay I've been in here a lot and I don't think before doing things but I could stay out of here if I really wanted. I think.

"_Maybe when you get out it will be different but when you do get out how long will it be before you're sent back? I can't do this Fitz I'm sorry as much as I like you I can't do this." _What did she mean it might be different when I'm out? She doesn't think I can keep out of trouble. But she wants me to stay out of trouble right? That's what she meant by it. Of course when I am out I'm back to competing for her. Sort of, haven't really been competing for her so far but I don't really have to I've known her her entire life.

Just as I'm beginning to wonder how close she'll get to Owen in the next few weeks I get smacked in the face with a pillow. I take it and throw it back at Elias who laughs.

"You are far too deep in thought, no one thinks here," Elias says.

"Must be that girl," Cliff comments.

"Hey I'd be thinking about a girl too if she was that hot and came out here just to see me," Elias says.

"She came out to tell me she can't be with me, not while I'm in here. If that's what it takes then this will be the last time I'm in here," I state.

"Man you have it bad but you have as much chance of keeping out of here as I do," Elias remarks. He's been in here about as much as I have still I'm determined to make this the last time I'm away from Clare for so long.

I don't sleep much that night, still thinking of Clare, wondering what she's doing tonight. I picture her lying in her bed and think about the nights I've stayed in her room with her. We're woken up at five, we have calisthenics then shower and classes and lunch. At lunch I go to the headmaster's office, he's really the warden but since this is a school he's called the head master.

"What can I do for you Fitz?"

"I want to be out of here in six weeks so what do I need to do?"

"You need to behave, not get into trouble and fights. Be a model student and volunteering for extra duties or helping your teachers and guards will help. You've been in here enough you shouldn't have any trouble getting out after the minimum good luck son."

"Thanks," I nod and leave his office.

"Sucking up to the headmaster?" Elias teases when I get back to my room.

"I have to get out of here as soon as I can."

"She must be some girl," he responds.

"She is but more than that I need to stay out of here, this can't be the rest of my life."

"Good luck, you know most kids go from here to prison."

"Not me, this is my last time and I'm not going to prison," I tell him and go down to the cafeteria to eat. I want to call Sean but he'll be at work, at least I know he'll come visit on Saturday he always does when I'm in here.

After lunch, classes and chores I sign up for laundry duty. I hate laundry duty but I'll do anything to get out of here as soon as I can. I've never cared before, I don't like being in here and I'm always happy to go home but I've never had this sort of determination to get home before and to stay out of here.

**Technically I didn't end it on a really bad cliffhanger I just left a really awful one in the middle. The update next Saturday will pick up shortly after Adam's beating. **


	13. Whispers a Scream

**Don't forget to check out the DeGrassi Saviors Website for daily clues and pictures. I make a lot of pictures for specific stories and along with the clue it gives you a little hint to that night's chapter. The link is on my profile page.**

**Ch. 13 Whispers a Scream**

**(CLARE)**

"…we're going to Joey and Caitlin's after K.C.'s football practice to see the…"

"Adam!" I exclaim cutting Jenna off as she tells me about their plans after school before 1st period starts. "Something's wrong," I tell them leaping up from my desk. I feel pain and fear and run out of the class just as the late bell rings.

"Clare where are you going?" Miss Dawes calls after me.

I ignore her and run to the art room where Adam was going when I last saw him, he was walking Maya to class. I get to the door and look in but don't see Adam, Eli does see me however and walks over while the teacher is looking at Maya's painting and she doesn't see me. Zig does though, he walks over and Reese sees me and grins.

"Clare what's wrong?" Zig asks.

"Where's Adam?" I question.

"He walked Maya to class and waved to me he should be in class," Eli tells me.

"But he's not and something's wrong I have to find him."

"I'll come with you," Eli says putting his hand on my back and walking with me down the hall. We walk past classrooms with people as Adam wouldn't be in there. Eli checks the boys washrooms but Adam's not in there. After looking in several dark classrooms and not finding Adam I'm beginning to panic. I'm starting to think we need to go to Simpson and have him page Adam when we open one more door and I see my twin on the floor.

"ADAM!" I scream running over to him. He doesn't respond, he's not moving, I see some blood and wrist looks broken. "Adam, Adam," I call to him desperately but he doesn't respond.

"Careful Clare he could have a neck injury," Eli says kneeling next to me and we carefully turn Adam to his back.

"Oh Adam," I cry when I see my brother's face. Swollen and bloody his nose seems to be broken, his lip busted. I stare at him and I'm sure I'm not breathing. I lean down and am a little relieved to find Adam is breathing but it's strained, he's wheezing and sort of whistling.

"I'm calling 911," Eli tells me getting out his phone.

"You have to be okay Adam I need you," I sob looking at my brother's beaten face.

"An ambulance is on its way I'm going to tell Simpson," Eli says and runs from the room. While Eli is gone all I can do is look at Adam and cry, he looks awful, he doesn't sound good either, he barely sounds like he's breathing and I fear that my twin is going to die.

"The ambulance is coming move back Clare," Simpson instructs but I don't move. "Any idea what happened?" Simpson questions and I shake my head.

"We just found him here," Eli replies as I hear the sirens approaching the school.

"Move back Clare the EMTs have to get in," Simpson tells me again and this time he takes my arms and pulls me up from Adam.

Simpson lets go of me and I turn to Eli as the EMTs come in. Eli puts his arms around me and I cry on his shoulder. I hear the EMTs moving Adam, they talk fast and when I hear them putting Adam on the stretcher I look over.

"We have to get him to the hospital immediately sounds like a punctured lung," one of them says.

"I have to get Drew," I tell Simpson pulling out of Eli's arms.

"I'll have Drew excused from class is Spinner at work?" Simpson asks and I nod. "I'll call him then he can pick you and Drew up," Simpson says.

"I'll walk Clare to Drew's class," Eli offers and Simpson nods.

I'm trying to hold it together but all I can think about is Adam dying. We never knew our mother and never thought about growing up without one until we realized other kids had moms. We love her and miss her, there's a sort of emptiness from her loss but we never experienced it the way Dad, Spin and even Drew did. However Dad dying destroyed my entire world and I have no idea how bad Adam's injuries really are. They could be minor and just be a lot of bruises but he looked awful and he could barely breathe and I keep thinking I'm going to lose the person that's closest to me in this world. Just as we reach Drew's class the secretary's voice comes over the class intercom to tell Drew to come to the office.

"Clare what is it? Where's Adam?" Drew questions putting his hand on my shoulder.

"Being taken to the hospital he was beaten up very badly," Eli explains.

"Shit," Drew breathes out with worry and pain in his voice for our brother.

"When you get back to class tell Maya and Zig please," I request of Eli.

"Yeah," he nods and walks off leaving me with Drew.

"Simpson called Spinner he should come to get us," I tell Drew. He puts his arm around me and we walk out to the front. When Spinner pulls up a minute later we run down and get in the car.

"What the hell happened?" Spinner asks as he begins driving to the hospital.

"Adam didn't come to class and I knew something was wrong. I went to Maya's art class because he was walking her to class. Eli said Adam had left and we started looking for him. Adam was unconscious on the floor of a dark classroom, he didn't wake up and he was bleeding and not breathing well," I tell them as I sob.

Spinner reaches over and squeezes my hand. We drive in silence the rest of the way to the hospital. Parking at emergency we all run in together. Spinner tells them we're here for Adam Mason who was brought in from DeGrassi and the nurse looks it up.

"He's in emergency surgery you'll have to wait," she tells us.

Upon hearing this I feel ill, nauseas and lightheaded, I can no longer get a breath. I grip onto Drew and the world seems wobbly.

"Clare?" Drew asks concerned.

"I feel dizzy," I respond and he picks me up.

"Is she alright?" The nurse questions.

"She'll be okay, she's been crying a lot. Adam's her twin they're very close," Spinner informs her.

"Leon get the young lady an electrolyte drink," the nurse says to an orderly I assume. "Please have a seat someone will come speak with you shortly," the nurse tells us. Drew carries me to a chair and sets me down. He and Spin sit on either side of me and we wait for news.

"Adam Mason?" A voice questions after what seems like forever.

"Yes he's our brother," Spin says getting up.

"Come with me please," the doctor tells us and we follow him back to a room. It's currently empty but presumably Adam will be brought in here. "Adam had a broken rib, it punctured his lung and we had to re-inflate the lung, repair the puncture and reset the bone. That was his most severe injury but he also has a fractured wrist, broken nose and several other contusions over nearly his entire body. He'll be brought in from surgery shortly and you can stay with him. He didn't have any head trauma as far as we can see; we took x-rays but had to deal with his punctured lung immediately. Because he was unconscious when he was brought in if he's not awake in an hour we'll take him for a CT."

"Thanks Doc," Spinner says.

"Does that mean Adam won't wake up?" I question when the doctor leaves.

"No he'll wake up, don't worry Clare Adam will wake up," Spin assures me and then Adam is brought in. He's on oxygen, parts of his face is bandaged and his lip sown up. His wrist is in a brace and that's just what we can see.

"Fuck whoever did this is dead," Spinner growls.

"Reese, it was Reese," I tell them sitting on Adam's bed when the nurses leave.

"How do you know it was Reese?" Drew questions.

"I don't, not really and I saw him in class but I just…have a feeling," I reply.

"He's been in fights and been beaten before because he's trans," Spinner comments.

"Jenna did say Reese was threatening Clare I wouldn't be surprised if he beat up Adam to punish her. I believe Reese is that vindictive and that stupid," Drew comments.

"He was in the art class but I'm sure his idiot friends did it they were with him last ni…" I'm saying and I stop myself.

"What do you mean they were with him last night? Last night when? Is that why you screamed and dropped your dishes?" Drew questions and I bite my lip. "Why the hell didn't you tell us?"

"Because when you all came running in they all left, I only saw them outside of the window for a second and I knew they wouldn't do anything with everyone home."

"Reese is dead, his friends too," Spinner says looking at Adam. "I need to call Paige and check in at The Dot, I'll be right back."

Spinner goes out of the room and doesn't come back for a while. When he comes back I can see that he'd been crying. He tells us that Paige will come after work but that's all he says. I'm watching Adam and the clock; I'm waiting for Adam to wake up and hoping he doesn't have to get a CT. Drew sits on the bed behind me and Spinner in the chair, I lean on Drew and Squeeze Adam's hand finally he begins to stir.

"What's everyone looking at?" Adam asks in a groggy voice opening his eyes.

"Waiting for you to wake up little bro," Drew grins.

"I must look pretty bad," Adam replies coughing a little and closing his eyes again.

"Who beat you up?" Spinner asks him.

"I don't know it was too dark to see and they didn't say anything," Adam says.

"It was Reese I know it was Reese and his cronies," I state.

"We'll get them," Drew proclaims.

We stay at the hospital mostly watching Adam go in and out of sleep. None of us eat because none of us are hungry. Nurses and doctors come in every twenty minutes to check on Adam. Morning turns to afternoon and a doctor has just left after doing a very thorough check on Adam.

"Take the car and take Clare home," Spinner says.

"No, no I'm not leaving," I shake my head.

"Clare I can barely stay awake, go home with Drew. I'm just going to be sleeping, you should all go home," Adam tells us.

"No I'm staying I'm your legal guardian and I'm not leaving you. You two need to go home and get some rest, call everyone and tell them. Paige will come after work she can bring me home," Spinner asserts.

"Get better fast little bro," Drew says hopping off the bed.

I kiss Adam's forehead and reluctantly leave with Drew, we drive home in silence and Drew starts calling people. Johnny isn't working today and he comes right over. Lucas comes over and hangs out until he has to go to work. The guys spend the time talking about hot to kill Reese and his friends for hurting Adam. Everyone comes over after school, except Owen and K.C. who have football. Maya's upset about Adam but calms down when we tell her he was awake and he'll be okay. Jenna and K.C. were going to meet with Joey and Caitlin but they cancelled when they heard about Adam. Spinner calls in the evening and tells us he's sleeping at the hospital but assures us that Adam is fine and he's only staying to keep Adam company. Owen and K.C. arrive at the same time as Sean and Jay then Emma shows up with Paige. Since no one has eaten yet they start making dinner. I'm not hungry I just keep thinking about Adam and the fact that Reese beat him up to get to me. I know it was Reese and his friends.

"I'm tired I'm going to lie down," I say to no one just quietly announcing it to the room so they know.

"You want me to bring you some food?" Johnny asks and I shake my head.

I go back to my room taking my backpack, which Zig brought home for me, and get out my cellphone. I roll through the contacts and find Reese's name clicking on it.

"Heard about Adam if you need a shoulder to cry on I'll be right over," Reese says when he answers.

"Go to hell I know you sent your friends to beat him up. I knew you were stupid but I didn't think you had a death wish, or that you'd sign the death warrants of your friends. Everyone we know is out for your blood the three of you dead."

"I have friends too and I'll bet I get to you before your friends get to me," Reese says and hangs up. I set my phone down and sit on my bed just as there's a knock on the door and Owen comes in.

"Drew said to bring you some dinner, said you needed to eat something if I had to force feed you," Owen tells me setting a plate of food on my desk.

"I'm not hungry, I can't even think about food I just keep thinking about Adam."

"He's going to be okay; the doctors said he'd be okay. Adam is tough; he's the toughest guy I know because of what he goes through everyday just to be himself. He'll get over a punctured lung and a few bruises and be back to help keep you out of trouble in no time," Owen assures me sitting on the bed.

"But he wouldn't even be in the hospital if I'd just…"

"What?" Owen interrupts me, "Just done what Reese wanted? Reese would still be an asshole, he'd hurt you and we'd all kill him anyway. Reese's stupidity is not your fault, his ego and not being able to let you go are his bad qualities and not something you're responsible for."

"I know but they might have killed Adam and after losing Dad…" I stop biting my lip and holding back the tears. "Reese is still being cocky, he's not admitting to anything but still threatening to get m…"

"When did you talk to him?" Owen cuts me off.

"A few minutes ago, I called him and he's not worried. I want you guys to kill him, when you find him I want you to kill him. I want him to hurt so bad he doesn't have any ego left. I don't know what I ever saw in him."

"Then next time I tell you a guy is bad news and stay clear of them you need to…"

I silence him by mashing my lips to his, kissing him hard. All my frustration and anger and fear all merge together and they all come out in the kiss, they merge and I want more. I push Owen back lying him down and pulling his shirt up, I get his fly open then sit up breaking the kiss. I start pulling off my shirt and Owen grabs my arms pulling my shirt back down.

"Stop, we can't do this Clare," Owen tells me.

"Don't tell me you're afraid of Drew, he said you could do anything you want with me."

"That's not at all what he said and we're not doing this," Owen replies and leaves my room.

When he's gone I curl up on my bed and start to cry, not so much upset about Owen just everything. My crying suddenly ceases with a gasp when I hear rapping on my window. I fear that it's Reese and consider yelling for Drew and the others. However I realize Reese probably would have opening the window and with everyone at the house he wouldn't be trying anything, even he can't be that stupid. So I go to the window drawing back the curtain and smile when I see Jeff. I open the window right away to let him in.

"What are you doing here?" I question while I'm hugging him tightly and grateful that he's here.

"Anya called and I heard about Adam, I knew you'd be upset so I came to see you," he tells me embracing me tightly.

"You drove an hour just because you knew I'd be upset?" I question pulling my head from his chest to look at him.

"And maybe I really missed you and this seemed like a good reason to come and see you."

"I'm glad you did," I grin releasing him and locking my door. I plug my phone into the speaker and turn on some music so no one hears us talking. Then I take Jeff's hand and bring him to my bed, he sits on it keeping his shoes off and I lie on the other side with his arm around me and using his chest as a pillow.

"So how's Adam?"

"The doctor said he would be okay, he had a punctured lung and a lot of bruises."

"Well that's good do you know who did it?"

"No one saw anything but I'm sure that Reese had his friends beat Adam up. I wrote you back, I only mailed the letter yesterday though."

"Yeah I guess I kind of broke my own rule about nothing but letters until Thanksgiving," Jeff laughs.

"That's okay I'm glad you're here and six weeks is a long time but I do like the idea of writing letters. It's sexy and fun," I smile.

"Well I had to do something to put me above all my competition; according to Anya you are quite popular with the male population. So just who is my competition?"

"Well Reese isn't competition anymore and when my brothers and our friends get a hold of him he'll be a dead man. Fitz is in juvie for at least six weeks so you don't have much to worry about with him right now. Owen and I are just having fun s…"

"Fun? Like the fun we had at the BBQ?"

"Yeah and Drew found out but he didn't kill Owen like he would have any other guy. Owen's one of his oldest and best friends so he told Owen we could fool around as long as he kept other guys from me."

"So I should watch out for Owen then. Anyone else I should be aware of?"

"Just Eli and he only became interested in me recently. He is cute but we haven't gone out or anything."

"Well that doesn't sound like the competition is too bad. At least there's only two guys I really need to worry about right now. They might get to be with you for the next six weeks but I'm going to you write to you every day and I have six whole weeks to plan what to do when I'm up here for a whole weekend with you," Jeff says and I grin. "It looks like you didn't eat your dinner," Jeff comments after a moment.

"I wasn't hungry can't stop thinking about Adam."

"You should eat," Jeff asserts getting up and bringing me my plate. He sets it on the bed and sits with me. I nibble a little and he nibbles a little too and we sit on my bed in silence. I don't eat very much and push away the plate after a while, Jeff leans back and I lean against him. "I'd love to stay all night but I have to drive back to Guelph and still have homework to finish," he says after a short time.

"You promise to write tomorrow?"

"Promise and I'll be back in six weeks," he replies with a grin and gives me a tender kiss.

I walk him to the window and he kisses me once more before hopping out. When he's gone I lock the window and grab my partially eaten dinner to take it to the kitchen. Just about everyone's in the living room and they look at me when I come out but no one says anything about me staying in my room or barely eating anything. Drew does tell me that everyone is sleeping over. Sean and Em will take Spin's room and Paige will sleep in Adam's with Maya on the floor on the air mattress. Everyone else will be in the living room. I toss my half eaten food and rinse my plate and put in the dishwasher. I walk back to my room nearly running into Owen as he comes out of the washroom.

"I'm sorry about earlier, I wasn't thinking. I was scared and angry; I just wanted to not think about it and was worried about Adam. I'm glad you stopped me though," I apologize.

"Because I care about you and I knew you would have regretted it. How you feeling? Did you eat?"

"I ate a little, I feel restless, I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight I can't stop thinking about Adam."

"I can sleep in there with you, Drew's okay with it and I don't want you wandering around because you can't sleep especially with Reese out there."

"Thanks Owen," I smile standing on my tiptoes to kiss him.

**(SEAN)**

I sit at the table in the visitor room of Toronto Juvenile Correctional School; usually it's pretty full because they only allow visitors on Saturday. They also only allow family members to visit so I'm up here every Saturday, Mom will never come and the others can't. Today I'm the only one in here because it's Thursday and they only let you come on a day that's not visiting day when it's a family emergency.

"What's wrong with mom?" Fitz asks when he comes into the room and sits at the table with me.

"Nothing Mom is fine."

"Then why are you here they only let people come if it's a family emergency."

"Adam was beat up at school yesterday, pretty badly he's in the hospital. Adam's family I thought you should know, of course I had to tell the guards he was our cousin."

"Is he going to be okay?"

"Yeah he'll be out of the hospital on Saturday."

"How's Clare?"

"She stayed home from school to be at the hospital with Adam. You know how close those two are and Clare's convinced it was Reese's buddies that beat Adam up so she's feeling guilty. The rest of us are planning how to get Reese and his friends."

"Get them good, real good and tell Adam hi for me."

"Yeah I will, I gotta go to work. I'll be back on Saturday."

"Yeah tell the others I said hi and watch Clare, if Reese t…"

"We'll take care of Clare and we'll make sure Reese pays. You know you should just ask her to be your girlfriend," I advise my kid brother.

"Yeah I'm trying to make myself someone that's worthy of her," Fitz says and I grin.

I hug my brother and leave as he's escorted out. I have the day off and Emma has school all day and work tonight so I decide to go to the hospital. I haven't seen Adam yet and I know Spin went into work so someone should check on him and Clare.

"Hey how you feeling Adam?"

"Not sure they have me on morphine," Adam replies.

"Fitz told me to say hi," I told him.

"You saw Fitz? I thought you could only visit on Saturdays?" Clare questions.

"And for family emergencies, Adam being in the hospital counted. Do you guys need anything?"

"Clare needs to eat," Adam replies.

"I'm not hungry and Owen made sure I ate breakfast this morning," Clare shakes her head.

"Did you eat it off him? Is that why you two were in your room so long this morning?" I tease Clare and she twists her mouth at me. "Emma told me you two were fooling around but I thought she meant you guys were kissing and driving Drew crazy."

"He made sure I ate, if I wanted to eat it off of him I would have done it without so many people at the house," Clare shoots back.

"She still needs to eat and she won't leave," Adam says.

"I'll grab you something I have to eat too," I tell her.

"Thanks," Adam grins as I leave the room.

The cafeteria here has pretty good food so I go down and get a couple of sandwiches, a salad and two drinks. I eat in Adam's room, Clare and I split the salad and when I'm done with lunch I leave. Emma's between classes right now and I drive to Ryerson to see her.

"Hey what are you doing here?" Emma smiles when she sees me. Before I can answer she loops her arms around my neck and joins our lips for a kiss.

"Just wanted to see my girlfriend, needed to see you and I know you'll be working tonight."

"Did something happen?"

"No but I needed you. I went to TJCS to tell Fitz about Adam, then I went to the hospital and had lunch with Clare and Adam," I tell her taking her hand and pulling her to a bench so we can sit. "I have the day off and I really just wanted to be with my beautiful girlfriend."

"It's nice to see you and spend time with you even if it's just a few minutes. I love you," she grins turning to kiss me again.

"I love you too and you know I want to be with you for the rest of my life but right now my mom and Fitz need me. It wouldn't be fair to you."

"I know and I think it's wonderful the way you and Fitz take care of your mom and the way you take care of both of them. I'm really proud of you and it's one of the many things I love about you."

"They won't always need me, not like they do now. Fitz showed real signs of maturity today; I think he's growing up."

"That's great," Emma grins, "I really do love you and I want to spend the rest of my life with you too."

I smile and cup her face ensnaring her lips for a blistering kiss.

**(MAYA)**

"I cleaned your room and we got it all set up for you. Mom said I could sleep over so you won't have to do anything," I tell Adam.

It's Saturday afternoon and he's finally being released from the hospital. I came with Clare and Spinner to bring Adam home. Spin was supposed to work but he switched the shift because he has to sign Adam out. Drew is at work, Paige and Bianca are at the house to get it ready for Adam and clean, just generally keep busy. Emma, Johnny and Lucas are doing the same. My mom is working so are Jay and Sean who already went to see Fitz. Jenna and K.C. are with Joey and Caitlin today.

"I can do things I just have to take it easy for the next couple of days," Adam replies.

"Someone will always be there with you, Reese and his friends weren't at school Thursday or Friday. Drew thinks they're hiding," Clare comments.

"Of course they're hiding they know they're dead men," Adam replies.

"Okay you're all set to go," Spinner says walking into the room.

Clare and I help Adam up, Spinner gets the bag of Adam's things and we go out to Spinner's car. I sit in back with Adam on the drive home. When K.C. told me on Wednesday that Adam was in the hospital I was so upset. He'll be okay after a few days of rest but it was scary. When we get home Spin helps Adam into his room and everyone comes in to greet him. After everyone says hi to Adam and makes sure that he gets settled they leave his room, all but me and Clare. We sit with Adam, talking about the last two days and after a while Adam falls asleep.

"Hey dinners almost ready and he's asleep you guys need to let him rest," Spinner says poking his head into the room.

"Okay," I nod.

"Maybe Maya and I should walk to the corner market and get Adam's favorite ice cream since he can't eat much," Clare suggests as we leave Adam's room.

"Yeah good idea, dinner will be ready in twenty minutes," Spinner says getting his wallet out and giving Clare some money.

We leave the house to walk to the market less than half a block away. Clare and I talking about what to do for Adam and how to keep him from getting cabin fever but we stop talking when a car pulls up alongside us.

"Hello Clare," Reese grins at her.

"Maya run back to the house and get the boys," she tells me and I turn to run but bump into someone.

"Oh I don't think so," Reese's friend says grabbing my arms and shoving me into their car.

"LET GO OF HER!" Clare screams hitting Reese's buddy.

"Get in the car," Reese says calmly but pulls out a switch blade and holds it to Clare's neck.

Clare and Reese get in the backseat with me and his friend while his other friend starts driving. Clare and I are squished in the middle I grip her hand.

"What do we do?" I whisper to her.

"It'll be fine just stay with me," she whispers back.

"You know beating your boyfriend was fun but I'll bet you're more fun," Reese's buddy says brushing my hair back.

"Don't touch her you creep," Clare snarls at him.

"I wouldn't worry about her Clare, I'd worry about yourself," Reese comments putting the knife to her throat again. Then he uses the knife to cut her purse straps and tosses Clare's purse out the window. "Can't have you calling the big brothers to come save you. I told you I'd get you before they got me."

**Such an awful cliffhanger and you have to wait until the 22****nd**** for the next update. Next weekend is a milestone birthday for my dad and there will be a big party so no chapter. The update will pick up around here.**


	14. You Don't Flow Like the Breeze

**Don't forget to check the DeGrassi Saviors site for daily clues.**

**Ch. 14 You Don't Flow Like the Breeze**

**(CLARE)**

"If you're going to kidnap us then don't you think we should at least know your friends names?" I comment to Reese after he tosses my purse out the window.

"Wade is driving us and Benny is the one next to Maya there," Reese says while Benny touches Maya's cheek and looks at her like a piece of candy.

"DON'T TOUCH ME!" Maya shrieks slapping him but he barely blinks.

"You're going to be fun," Benny grins as his hand moves a little lower on her face.

"Touch her again and I'll break your wrist," I warn Benny.

"Wait until we're at the house," Reese tells his friend and Benny stops touching Maya.

Now that Benny's not touching Maya, and Reese is content with whispering all the vile things he wants to do me, I start paying attention to the streets the car turns on. So I know what street we're on when Wade parks at a house. I take note of the house number as we park in the driveway and the guys pull us out of the car.

"I can't wait to rape you," Benny grins and Maya begins to break down.

I have no doubt Benny intends to rape Maya and as no one knows where we are we the situation doesn't look good. It's not hopeless however and I can give us a fighting chance. First thing first I need to calm Maya down so as the guys are unlocking the door I link my arm with hers and whisper in her ear.

"Clam down they probably like the fear and I have a plan," I whisper and she nods slightly as the boys pull us into the house.

"I think we should take Maya into your parent's room," Benny grins at Wade.

"Reese, make your friends behave or I'll castrate them both," I tell him in calm voice as he puts the knife back in his pocket.

"You're outnumbered and we have the knife," Wade laughs and I turn kicking him in the nuts as hard as I can. He crumples to the floor while Benny and Reese laugh.

"Reese make them behave, Maya is off limits, she's had no experience and she's young. All you want is me so leave Maya out of this, you wanted me not her," I remind him keeping my voice calm and even a little flirty to put him at ease.

"If they don't have her to play with they'll want to play with you and that seems very uneven," Reese comments.

Okay this is going to take some convincing, plus I need a phone which I see in Reese's pocket. I grab Reese by the shirt and shove him onto the sofa as my lips attach to his. I lay him on his back kissing him hard and dragging my fingertips near his crotch. Reese becomes occupied by my breasts, lifting my shirt and toying with them. I ignore it for now as I slide two fingers into his pocket and slowly work out his phone. Keeping my hand between us I slip the phone into my jeans and pull out of the kiss before Reese becomes too eager.

"You see I can handle all of you but then again Maya might need to occupy one of you. Give us a few minutes to freshen up and Maya will need some instruction, like I said she's never done anything," I comment sitting up but keeping a coo in my voice.

"I thought you were done with me," Reese says.

"I am but as you pointed out we're outnumbered and we have no phone and no one knows where we are. So we might as well play," I reply.

"I knew you were smart. The washrooms down the hall," Reese tells me and I grab Maya's hand. We go down the hall and find the washroom and I lock the door behind us.

"There's no windows in here I hope this wasn't your escape plan," Maya whispers.

"Don't be silly if we climbed out a window they'd realize we were gone and come after us," I respond producing the phone from the hiding spot in my jeans.

"How did you get his phone and where were you keeping that?" Maya whispers.

I don't answer her but I do turn on the faucet and dial Sean's number. I could have called Spinner but he would have yelled loudly possibly alerting Reese and the others to the fact that I was on the phone. Plus Spinner probably would have just run out of the house and someone needs to stay with Adam. Besides which Sean will be just about getting off of work now which means Jay will too.

"Hello?" Sean questions since it's an unfamiliar number.

"It's Clare, Reese and his friends have me and Maya."

"Excuse me?" Sean questions.

"We don't have long they're waiting for us. They kidnapped us and we're at one of their houses. I can distract them for maybe ten minutes before things get out of hand so get here fast," I tell him and give him the address of where we are before hanging up. "Stay in here as long as you can," I tell Maya setting the phone down.

"What are you going to do?" Maya questions.

"Keep them distracted as long as possible. Sean will rally the troops, the cavalry is on it's way I just need to keep the horny guys from thinking. Stay in here and lock the door, not sure I can keep them from attacking you again."

"Okay be careful," Maya says as I turn off the faucet.

"Don't worry I know what I'm doing," I tell her with a wink before going through the door.

"Where's Maya?" Reese asks.

"I gave her about a two minute lesson on technique she needs a few minutes to practice. You don't want her accidently sinking her teeth somewhere that could hurt do you? Just give her a few minutes, she is very shy after all and completely inexperienced but I'm not. Boys come in and out of my house I've had lots of experience," I smile. Which really isn't true I've had some experience but I've never had sex and I've never been with more than one guy at a time, but they don't need to know that. "Now then if we're going to do this let's get in the mood."

"You know it's not actually necessary for you to be in the mood," Wade comments.

He's recovered from my earlier kick although it still looks like he's in some pain. He walks over brushing my hair behind my ear and putting his gross lips on my neck, he sucks hard giving me a hickey. I can't wait to pound the living snot out of him but if I hit him now I'll be fighting and that will urge them to fight and I can't fight the three of them by myself. Not to mention when they're done with me, or possible before they're done with me they'll break down the washroom door to get to Maya. So just for now I need to play along, if I can keep them distracted and horny then Reese won't notice his phone missing and they won't think about how long Maya's been in the washroom.

"If I'm in the mood it will be much better for the three of you," I reply cupping his crotch where he's still sensitive and he steps away from me. "The three of you should sit on the sofa and take off your shirts," I instruct.

"What for Reese asks?"

"_Must they question everything?" _I think to myself as I walk over and lift his shirt brushing my fingers over his abs. "So I can see your bodies of course."

At least this is enough to convince them to get their shirts off. They all start advancing on me and I remind them to sit on the sofa.

"Well when are you going to get naked?" Benny inquires.

"You know the trouble with you boys is that you have no patience. The three of you are betraying your inexperience with your impatience."

"We're not inexperienced, we've had sex lots of it," Wade argues.

"Highly doubtful, you're way too eager. You said yourself we have all the time in the world since no one knows where we are. I'm sure if you have had sex before it was just fucking; simply a quick fuck, wham bam thank you ma'am and I'll bet the girl didn't even enjoy it. Really boys if all you want is a quick release you can whack off. I'm talking about sex so athletic you can barely walk the next day and an orgasm so hard your body dances uncontrollably," I tell them in a coquettish voice and the guys are mesmerized. One of the good things about growing up with so many brothers and with so many guys is that you learn to talk to them. To tell them what they want to hear in the situation and placate them so they think they're getting their way but you're really getting yours.

"Can you do that?" Reese questions.

"You've seen all the guys at my house. I'm only related to three of them, and the others well they've taught me so much," I reply with a flirty smile. I'm not lying they have taught me a lot it's just that none of it was sexual but these guys don't need to know that. "Now sit back and enjoy the show," I tell them twisting my hips and kicking off my shoes.

I keep dancing, tugging at my clothes but keeping them on and just teasing at taking them off. If Sean and whoever he's bringing don't get here soon I really will have to take something off but for now I'm just teasing. And then the doorbell rings, Wade grumbles and goes to the door when the bell rings again.

"Whoever it is I'll get rid of them fast and then you better get naked," Wade says getting up. He opens the door and gets immediately punched out and then Sean walks in followed by Jay, Lucas and Johnny.

"It's about time you guys got here," I smile.

"How the hell did you know they were here?" Reese questions hopping up along with Benny and Reese pulls his knife out again.

"I called them, thanks for the use of your phone Reese," I grin and he pats his pocket and realizes his phone is gone.

"YOU THREE ARE DEAD!" Lucas growls knocking the knife out of Reese's hand.

"Hey guys I'm glad you're here," Maya says coming out of the washroom upon hearing Lucas yell.

"More than dead," Jay smiles sinisterly.

"How do you more than kill someone?" Johnny asks while the two of them hold onto Reese. Sean has Wade on the floor and every time he moves Sean kicks him. Lucas has Benny; he's holding Benny with his arms twisted behind his back.

"You torture them slowly," Jay grins.

"Sounds good to me. I mean if you three are stupid enough to kidnap two girls, hurting girls at all is bad but these two are important to us. And now you die," Johnny grins getting ready to punch Reese.

"Wait me first, I think I deserve to," I speak up and walk over grabbing Reese's shoulders then kneeing him in the nuts as hard as I can and he doubles over. Then I punch him twice in the face, "When I tell you stay away from me stay the fuck away!" I'm done punching Reese and look at Jay and the others. "Kill them please I'm going to take Maya outside."

Jay and Johnny smile, the guys begin beating the snot out of Reese, Wade and Benny and I take Maya's arm leading her outside. Only Sean's car is here so he must have picked the others up. We lean on Sean's car and wait for them.

"Are you okay? I should have helped instead of staying locked in the washroom the whole time," Maya says in an apologetic voice.

"Maya I told you to stay in the washroom. Besides other than this gruesome hickey from Wade and having to kiss Reese they didn't touch me. Growing up with so many brothers and their friends at least taught me to handle guys and I knew Sean and backup was on the way."

"I'm glad I was with you, I wouldn't have known how to handle them."

"If you hadn't been with me they wouldn't have kidnapped you," I remind her as Sean and the others come out of the house.

"Come on we better get you two back to the Mason house," Sean comments unlocking his car.

Jay gets in the passenger seat, I sit in the middle of the back between Johnny and Lucas and Maya sits on Johnny's lap. When we arrive back at my house Spinner comes running out and pretty much yanks Lucas out of the car to get to me. I get out of the car and Spinner squeezes me tightly.

"I'm fine and we've been missing for like an hour," I tell my brother. Owen, Bianca and Paige have all come out of the house and Owen helps Maya out of the car.

"That was an hour too long. Are you two okay? Zane and his parents were at my house for dinner and I didn't know until I got here a few minutes ago or I would have gone with them," Owen comments and Spin still hasn't let go of me still.

"They wouldn't let me go, they told me to stay and you both are never allowed to leave the house alone again," Spinner says.

"Spin if you don't let go of me I won't be able to breathe," I comment and he finally releases me. "I doubt even Reese is stupid enough to come after me again after that but just in case he is we should call Officer Turner and file a restraining order. And press charges for the kidnapping."

"Good I'll go call him and you two better go in and see Adam he's been worried sick," Spinner comments.

"Yes because you were the picture of calmness," I tease as we all walk into the house.

"We were forced to restrain him to keep him from going too," Bianca says.

"Yeah well you've got about twenty minutes before Drew gets home and finds out," Spinner remarks. I just shake my head and take Maya's hand going back to Adam's room.

"Thank goodness," Adam smiles. Maya and I go to either side of his bed, hugging him carefully.

"We're fine they didn't touch us," I reply and Adam brushes my hair back rubbing his thumb over the hickey on my neck. "Okay a little touching but all my clothes stayed on and they were killed and Spinner is calling Officer Turner now."

"Clare knew what she was doing, the guys were practically putty in her hands," Maya comments.

"That doesn't surprise me," Adam grins.

We stay in Adam's room and I give him a recap of what happened, I'm done by the time Drew gets home. I hear him come in and a couple minutes later hear him yell and he bursts into Adam's room.

"We're okay Drew," I assure him as he looks between me and Maya.

"They kidnapped you at knife point," Drew exclaims.

"And I called Sean and kept them distracted and Maya stayed in the washroom. We're fine and Spinner already called Officer Turner," I reassure Drew.

He opens his mouth to talk but the doorbell rings and Spinner tells us that Turner is here. Maya and I go out to the living room and tell Turner everything, he takes it all down and I sign the paperwork for a restraining order. Maya and I both press charges for kidnapping and sexual assault. Turner says Reese, Wade and Benny are being taken to the hospital and are talking to other officers, and they could press charges for assault but Turner didn't seem too worried about it. Reese is already facing charges for breaking into my room and while we don't have any real proof we're certain that Wade and Benny are the ones that beat up Adam, which is still being investigated. After Turner leaves Maya and I finally eat dinner, she eats in Adam's room and I eat in the living room. K.C. and Jenna arrive and get filled in and K.C. goes back to Adam's room to yell and probably hug Maya a lot. When I'm done eating I go into my room, sitting at my desk and getting out my notebook to write a letter to Jeff.

**Hello Sexy Smile,**

**It's been an interesting day, Adam's out of the hospital and home now. Maya and I got kidnapped by**

I stop writing and rip out the piece of paper starting a new letter.

**Dear Sexy Smile,**

**I miss you. I wish you were here. I don't know what to tell you about today it's been eventful. Adam's home, he'll be okay after a few more days of rest. Reese is back, he tried something again today, went too far but Sean and the others killed him and his friends. Well not literally killed just beat up badly. **

**After the day I've had I really wish you were here to hold me. I wish you would show up like you did the other night. **

Just as I finish writing that there's a knock on my door and I jump. Of course it's not Jeff who opens the door but Owen.

"A bunch of us are sleeping over. Drew said I should sleep in here but I don't have to," Owen tells me.

"No sleep in here, just give me a minute," I reply.

Owen nods and closes the door and I finish my letter to Jeff by signing my name. I fold it and address the envelope; I'll drop it in the mailbox tomorrow. It's too early to go to bed and I'm sure Maya is doing fine nursing my brother, in fact I'm sure he doesn't want anyone else in there so I go to the living room to watch TV.

**(PAIGE)**

"You know staring at her is not going to keep her safe," I comment to Spinner sitting in his lap. He's sitting at the dining room table and looking into the living room but he's only staring at Clare.

"I could have lost her today and a few days ago I got a phone call that my little brother was being taken to the hospital by ambulance," he says putting his arms around me.

"Adam's okay, a little beat up but he's okay and hearing that he was hurt was scary but he's a strong kid. And I think you're being a little overdramatic about your sister."

"She and Maya were kidnapped off the street at knifepoint," Spinner says in a quiet but distressed voice.

"By desperate teenagers not a psychopath serial killer, Reese wanted revenge or just really wanted Clare that badly. Whatever his purpose it was just Reese and I really don't think they had a plan past this afternoon."

"Yeah but they could have been raped, that was their plan to rape them."

"Yes but they didn't, Clare kept her cool and had a plan of her own. How many fifteen year old girls do you know that could have been so calm in a situation like that? You underestimate her. You're a good big brother and a parent but she can take care of herself. She was in trouble and she stayed calm and called one of us."

"Yeah I know and I'm proud of the way she handled things but I still have this urge to lock her in her room with a chastity belt," Spinner replies and I roll my eyes.

"You're hopeless, you're lucky that I love you."

"Yes," Spin grins looking up at me now, "yes I am. Very very lucky that you love me."

"Emma has the day off tomorrow I think we should take Clare, Jenna, Bianca and Maya for a girls day."

"Good idea, I'm sure they need one," Spinner smiles before kissing me gently.

We say goodnight to everyone and go back to our room getting ready for bed. It's still early but we're alone in the bedroom which is the point. We lie in bed and make love; quietly because there's a house full of people and when we're done we fall asleep together. We wake up early together the next morning, we wake up early out of habit but Spin has a closing shift tonight so he doesn't have to be at work for several hours yet. We kiss each other good morning and lie in bed for a while. When our stomachs both growl we decide to get up.

"Okay let's go wake up the brood and start some breakfast," Spinner says getting out of bed. Spinner pulls on some sweats and I get my robe on. "EVERYONE UP!" Spinner yells when he's out in the hall.

"Having sex in here," Clare calls back.

"She's joking," Owen calls before he gets killed and I laugh.

"You know one of these days it's going to happen," Clare comments coming out of her room with a robe on.

"Not anytime soon, Owen that's part of your job," Spin tells him.

"To not have sex with your sister but share a bed with her?" Owen questions following her out.

"Yes," Adam nods opening his door with an arm around Maya's shoulders.

"You boys never learn," Clare shakes her head walking to the kitchen.

Pretty much everyone slept over; Jenna is on the sofa, K.C. slept on the floor along with Johnny and Jay. Sean when to his house along with Emma and Lucas had to work last night.

"Adam you rest on the sofa," Spin instructs and Jenna sits up so Adam can sit down.

Spin and I make breakfast with help from Clare and Drew. We all eat in the living room so Adam doesn't have to move.

"I thought we'd have a girls day, the five of us and Emma. Actually I should probably call her," I comment.

"A girls day sounds nice there's certainly enough male energy around here," Clare remarks.

"Drew and I have to work later but Adam shouldn't stay alone," Spin says.

"I'll stay," K.C. offers.

"Me too, I'll call Tris and see if he wants to come over and maybe Zig," Owen comments.

We finish breakfast and I call Emma, Sean is just leaving for work and she agrees a girls day is a good idea. Emma comes over and the six of us take Spinner's wagon, since it's the only car that can really fit us all, and go downtown. We do some window shopping and then stop for lunch.

"Adam and I were up most of the night talking, he was worried after what happened yesterday. We even wrote a song, we're thinking of starting a band," Maya tells us after we order.

"Owen and I didn't sleep much either but we weren't talking," Clare says with a lustful grin.

"What exactly are you and Owen again?" Emma inquires.

"Well he was a challenge and then Drew found out and made Owen his spy and my bodyguard well told him to keep other boys away anyway. So now Owen and I are having fun, fun that Drew approves of, sort of anyway. Since Drew approves so does Spin, I think."

"I'm pretty sure Spinner just doesn't want to think about it too much," I comment and Clare giggles.

"Yeah Drew thinks he's in control of it because Owen is spying for him. Drew likes to think he's in control just about everywhere, including the bed," Bianca laughs.

"Sean sure had a lot of energy after the beating yesterday. With his mother passed out cold we had the whole house to make love," Emma smiles carnally.

"Did Sean say anything about his visit with Fitz yesterday?" Clare inquires.

"Not much just that Fitz is doing well and he's working hard to get out when the minimum time is up," Emma replies and Clare bites her lip looking thoughtful.

"So Jenna how was your day with Joey and Caitlin yesterday?" I ask changing the subject.

Jenna smiles and tells us about the four of them going to the baby store yesterday. After lunch we do a little shopping at the second hand stores and then have afternoon tea. Then we go shoe shopping, well we go to the shoe stores and try on lots of great pairs that none of us can afford but we can try them on and fantasize.

"Hey Clare," Eli calls running over to us as we leave a shoe store, "evening ladies."

"Hi Eli," Clare smiles.

"What are you girls up to?" Eli questions.

"A girls day," Maya says.

"Oh, I guess I can't take you to dinner then?"

"No you two go have a good time I think girls day is about over," I speak and up and Clare smiles at me.

"Thank you," Clare grins hugging me tightly.

"Home by curfew," I tell her she nods.

Eli holds his arm out to her and they walk down the street. The five of us return to my car and home. Spin and Drew are still at work but Owen's watching TV with Lucas. Jenna and Maya go back to Adam's room to see their boyfriends.

"Sean won't be off an hour and he'll probably come here after work we should start some dinner," Emma comments.

"Yeah good idea," I nod. We go into the kitchen and start making dinner.

"So Sean talked about proposing the other day," Emma tells me as she begins chopping vegetables.

"Emma," I squeal making Owen and Lucas look at us from living room.

"We just talked about it he didn't propose. We talked about it and we talked about waiting but the more I think about it the less I want to wait."

**There probably will not be a chapter next week. I will try to get up at least a short one especially because the following week is one shot week which means no long stories. However it just might not be possible for me to get an update next week. I will post a clue on the DeGrassi Saviors site if I can get a short chapter up, otherwise the next update will be Saturday September 12****th****. **


	15. Such Days with You

**Readers of dragonsprit's stories his updates will be a little slow due to technical difficulties. See the DeGrassi Saviors website for further details.**

**Sorry it's been two weeks without an update but we are back and up to 15 chapters alredy!**

**Ch. 15 Such Days with You**

**(CLARE)**

"So do you guys have a girls day often?" Eli asks as we wait for our food. After leaving Paige and the others we walked a couple blocks before finding a restaurant we wanted to eat at.

"Not really, it's hard to get all the girls together especially since Paige and Emma work. I'm generally surrounded by guys with maybe one or two of the other girls with me. Although it is nice that Paige and Bianca live with us now. More female energy in the house has been great."

"So when's curfew I should know when I need to have you back."

"School night curfew is eleven."

"I'll have you back by 10:30 then I have a feeling I'll get hunted down if you're late."

"Very likely yes," I smile.

"Have they always been that way? Super protective? Although I suppose if I had a sister, or any siblings for that matter I'd be protective too."

"Yeah they've been that way as long as I can remember but it's always been us and Dad. Dad was always working so we were looking out for each other. Our friends too, we're like a little community of our own and it's nice but it can get annoying they tend to be incredibly overprotective. Not just of me of all the girls but most of the girls have steady boyfriends and have had since they were old enough to date. One less thing for them to worry about but try to hurt any one of us and you're facing a world of pain."

"And you? I would have thought you'd have a steady guy as soon as you were allowed to date," Eli comments as the waiter brings our food.

"I never really had an age where I was allowed to date but as my brothers and our friends really just kept all other guys away from me it wasn't an issue," I shrug.

"And your brother's friends didn't ask you out?"

"Too afraid of my brothers, Fitz and I were kind of put together from the time we were kids. Before Owen Fitz was the only boy who could be in my room alone at night besides my brothers."

"Fitz is the one in juvie?"

"Yeah for beating up a man that tried to rape Bianca, he smashed the guy's head into the bathtub."

"Owen's on the football team isn't he?"

"Yeah with Drew and K.C. the three of them are best friends."

"You're not dating Owen or you wouldn't be on the date with me but he is allowed in your room?"

"Owen and I are having fun, my brothers trust him, they think he'll keep me out of trouble."

"I have a feeling nothing can keep you out of trouble," Eli smirks.

"You catch on fast," I grin.

We finish dinner and then walk down to a used bookstore, Eli likes looking at the graphic novels. We talk about literature and poetry and he buys me a book of poems. Then we get in Eli's car and he drives us to the park where we spend the next couple of hours making out then he drives me home and we reach my house just before 10:30.

"I'm fairly certain kissing you goodnight at the door might get me punched but it may be worth it," Eli smirks pulling up to the curb. I grin and we get out of the car, he walks me to my door and we lean in attaching our lips. Eli pulls away looking at the front door I guess expecting it to open and to get punched I suppose.

"Spin and Drew are at work, although Drew could be home any minute," I tell Eli.

"I think I'll go now then so that I'm alive to see you at school tomorrow," Eli says and I giggle. I walk inside as he's getting into his car. The house is surprisingly empty, Paige is here and Bianca but both now live here, the only other person here is Johnny. Everyone else must have gone home for the night. Adam is here too of course, lying on the sofa and watching a movie with the others.

"How was the date?" Adam asks.

"It was fun," I grin.

"Only you could go on a girls day and end up on a date," Johnny shakes his head and I smile.

I go over kissing Adam's cheek and say hello to everyone else. I take a shower and then go into my room closing the door. Getting out some paper I begin writing a letter to Jeff but when I hear the front door open I know Drew is home and I go out to greet to him. Returning to my room I sit at my desk to finish the letter.

**Dear Sexy Smile,**

**Writing so many letters to a long distance lover I feel a little like we're in World War II, no phones, no e-mail no social media just letters lamenting how long we have until we're together again. I'm not complaining I like the letter writing, it's sexy and romantic and your life isn't in peril from passing bullets or grenades, at least I hope not but Guelph was not a war zone last time I checked. **

**The girls and I had a girls day which ended with me on a date with Eli. Can I tell you about that? We never really said what we would and wouldn't talk about. I'm sure you see other girls in Guelph and you knew I was…well I'm not sure that seeing is the right word but you knew about Fitz and Owen. **

**Not much to tell besides that it's been pretty calm this weekend, Adam is home and resting and there's not much else to tell. Instead I think I'll think about what I'd like to do next time I see you. **

**I'll start by giving you a long passionate kiss, then I'll take your shirt off so I can see your sculpted muscles and feel your skin. Then I will gently place kisses on your chest. I'll kiss my way down to your navel and then…you know I think I'll continue this next letter.**

**Fondly Yours,**

**Clare**

I put some lipstick on and kiss the paper next to my name leaving an impression of my puckered lips. I put it in an envelope, address and stamp it so I can send it in the morning and then I get ready for bed.

**(JENNA)**

"Joey and Caitlin are coming to the game and we're going to dinner with them after. We're going to look at the schedules for the birthing classes and some other stuff," I tell Clare as we walk out to the bleachers to watch the football game. We always sit together and most of our group is already out there saving our seats. "I'm so happy that they're adopting the baby."

"Yeah it worked out great," Clare smiles.

We get to the bleachers and sit down. Spinner does his best to make sure he's not working during any of the home games so he can watch Drew, Owen and K.C. play. Sean, Jay and Johnny always come when they can get off work and since Lucas only works nights he's always at the games. Paige and Emma also come to every game they can. Today Spinner is here along with Paige but Emma and Sean are both at work and so is Jay. Johnny and Lucas are here sitting with Bianca in the second row as are Paige and Spinner. Adam and Maya are sitting in the first row and we sit with them. Eli is also here, I doubt he has any interest in football but he most definitely has an interest in Clare. They've been spending a lot of time together this week, at school anyway and Adam is usually with them when they are together but the three of them are becoming pretty good friends. Eli wants to be more than friends with Clare but they've only been on one date. Joey and Caitlin arrive just before the game begins and say hi to everyone.

We watch the game together, cheering when our team makes a goal or a good play. Or when Owen, K.C. or Drew gets the ball or makes a play. We win by six points and everyone cheers and claps and Clare, Bianca and I go out to the field to congratulate the guys. Bianca leaps onto to Drew; I take off K.C.'s helmet and pull him down to kiss me. Clare on the other hand gets Owen on the ground and mounts him as she gets his helmet off to kiss him. At least until Drew notices the two.

"HEY, no dirty stuff on the football field," Drew grumbles picking his sister up by the waist and getting her off of Owen.

"Hey you're the one that made him your spy and tasked him with keeping other boys away," Clare reminds him. "You sleeping over tonight?" She asks Owen who's still wearing a goofy grin on his face.

"Uh yeah," he nods standing up and Drew shoots him a look but only for a second.

"You should shower and change Joey and Caitlin are waiting for us," I tell my boyfriend before walking back to the bleachers with Bianca and Clare.

"That was some kiss," Eli comments when we get back to everyone he's smirking a little but he also sounds slightly hurt and jealous.

"That was really for Drew's benefit," Clare grins.

"We're going to get Adam home he still needs to take it easy. Clare behave yourself," Spinner tells her.

"When do I ever do that?" She shoots back and Spinner grimaces at her. "I'm coming home too don't worry. You want to come over Eli? We could watch a movie; the team will go out for pizza and a celebration since they won."

"Yeah sure," Eli smiles.

Bianca and Johnny leave with them and I sit with Joey and Caitlin while we wait for K.C. to come out of the locker room. He emerges a few minutes later and we get in Joey's car to go to dinner. Caitlin has brochures for all the birthing classes near us and we look through them all as we eat. K.C. and I agree on one and Caitlin says they'll sign us all up tomorrow, even though the classes don't start for a couple of months. After dinner we talk about some other things mostly centering around the baby and pregnancy but some other stuff too. After dinner they drop us at the Mason house because K.C. and I are sleeping over.

"How was dinner?" Clare asks when we come in.

"It was good we found a birthing class. I see Eli went home," I remark.

"About the time Drew called and said he and Owen were coming home," Bianca laughs.

"They'll be here soon I'm going to my room something I need to do before Owen gets here," Clare says.

"I'll think I'll go with her, girl talk," I tell K.C. before kissing his cheek.

"I like girl talk," Bianca grins and the two of us follow Clare back to her room.

"Are we actually having girl talk?" Clare queries when we're back in her room.

"I don't know what did you need to do before Owen gets here?" Bianca inquires.

"Writing a letter to Jeff," she laughs.

"Are they still hot?" Bianca asks.

"Yeah the last few have been quite hot, it's a good thing Owen is coming over," Clare grins and I giggle.

"So you're letters with Jeff have been getting hot?" I question.

"See for yourself?" She says handing me a letter she got from Jeff.

"Whoa, I'm guessing your brothers have not seen these and have no idea this is what you two are writing?"

"Pretty sure they would have taken a road trip to Guelph if they had," Clare says and I smile.

"K.C. and I haven't had much time alone together recently and honestly I have needs that haven't been met. I think Lisa works most of the weekend you think you get Maya to stay here for the weekend?"

"No problem," Bianca winks and Clare smiles.

**(CLARE)**

"How long will this take?" Maya asks as we get in the car.

"Probably all day," I reply.

It's Tuesday and Reese's trial began yesterday, Adam and Reese and his buddies gave testimony yesterday but they ran out of time for the rest of us to give testimony. Maya and I will give testimony today as will Johnny, Jay, Sean and Lucas if there's time. Spinner is coming as my guardian and Lisa is as Maya's guardian along with our lawyer.

"I don't ever want to see Reese again," Maya comments and Spinner puts his arm around her.

"I'd like to crush his balls again; you think they'll let me castrate him?" I ask as we get in the car to drive to the courthouse.

"I somehow doubt that but I'd like to do that too," Spinner says.

When we get to the courthouse Johnny, Jay, Lucas and Sean are here. We greet them and go in, Reese walks in with a grin. He pressed charges against the guys for beating him and his friends but that will be a separate trial. The judge walks in and we stand, after some talking from the lawyers Maya gives testimony but she's nervous and it takes her a while, when Reese's lawyer starts asking her questions she looks like she might cry and Jay looks like he might kill the lawyer. I testify next and tell them everything Reese ever did to me, for me or because of me. Reese's lawyer doesn't scare me but I'm tempted to rip his throat out when he suggests Maya and I went with them willingly and I teased Reese and therefor deserved the way he treated me. Even the judge looked like she thought the lawyer was nuts.

Jay and the other guys don't take long to give their testimony since it's mostly from the day Maya and I got kidnapped and they beat the crap out of Reese and his cronies. After we all give testimony the judge retires to make her decision. It's a bench trial so there's no jury. It's a little after three now so the judge may not even make her decision today.

"We should go back to my house Drew, Owen and K.C. have football but Adam and the others will be back from school soon," Spinner says as we walk out of the courthouse.

"I hope Reese gets a long sentence, he's done enough to get at least a couple of years," I comment as we walk back to the car.

"You realize he'll probably end up at TJCS? Of course Reese deserves to be locked away but he wasn't being tried as an adult and there aren't too many juvenile facilities around," Sean remarks.

"No that's bad what if Reese does something to Fitz? He knows that me and Fitz are…well more than friends. Reese is crazy and jealous and stupid," I say in a worried voice.

"Fitz can take care of himself and he has friends in there. Anyway if Reese is sent to TJCS I'll make sure they know about Reese and Fitz's history," Sean assures me.

We get back in the cars and drive to my house. Bianca's car is here so I know she and Adam are home. Drew, Owen and K.C. will be at football practice for another hour. When we go in I find Eli is there too.

"How'd it go?" Eli asks.

"Went fine, we all gave our testimony and the judge retired to make her decision," I tell them.

We sit down and start watching TV, Adam gives Maya and I our homework. We're only home for an hour before the lawyer calls and says the judge is back. This time we all go to the courthouse.

"After hearing all the testimony, reviewing the original statements and testimony I have made my decision. Mr. Delancey you have a long history of other illegal actions. You obsession with Clare Mason was quite evident and your inability to let her go when she broke up with you is stalking behavior. Kidnapping her and her friend with clear intentions to rape her is a warning sign of sociopathic behavior. Considering all of this I sentence you to a minimum of eighteen months in the Toronto Juvenile Correctional School with heavy psychiatric observation and evaluation. Bailiffs please escort him out," the judge asserts.

Reese gets escorted out and I breathe a sigh of relief but I do hope Reese doesn't get anywhere near Fitz. At least Fitz will be out soon, he was sentenced to a maximum of three months. Of course a lot can happen in those two months that they're in TJCS together.

"Let's get home and have some dinner, we won't be seeing Reese for a long time," Spinner says when Reese is gone and the judge has left.

"I don't think we should cook it's on the late side I suggest picking up some pizza," Lisa suggests.

Jay and Sean offer to go get pizza and the rest of us return to the house. Owen, Drew and K.C. are home now and we tell them the judge's ruling. Jay and Sean return with pizza and we all eat dinner.

"Will you stay tonight? I'd rather not be alone tonight," I say to Owen as we take our dirty plates to the sink.

"Yeah I'll stay," Owen says and I smile. He's been staying over a lot this week, receiving letters from Jeff and writing letters to him have been making me quite hot. Jeff is an hour away in Guelph but Owen makes a good proxy. He even knows about the letters and doesn't mind "filling in" for Jeff. I am so looking forward to Jeff's return at Thanksgiving I have big plans for us.

**(BIANCA)**

"Jay's having a party tonight you guys want to go?" Sean asks walking into the house Saturday afternoon.

"Yes I so need a party," I nod.

"Why is Jay having a party?" Clare asks.

"Because it's payday and he wants a party," Sean shrugs.

"That sounds like Jay and I'm finally well enough for a party," Adam says.

"Spin is working a closing shift but I'm up for a party and I'll let him know where we are," Paige comments.

We text or call everyone else to let them know about the party and then we just head to Jay's place. Just last year he moved from his one bedroom apartment to a small house. Since moving into the small house he's had lots of parties. Jay did some shopping, we buy a few other supplies and others will bring stuff. We help Jay set up, put on some music and then we relax while we wait for more people to arrive. Maya came with us but K.C. and Jenna arrive with Johnny. Doesn't take long before there's about thirty people here and the party is in full swing. Drew went to get us drinks, he returns with two beers and I get up to sit in his lap.

"You seen my sister?" Drew asks.

"I'm sure that Owen is taking wonderful care of her," I tell him.

"That's sort of what I'm afraid of," Drew responds rolling his eyes.

"You're the one that decided to make Owen your spy or whatever you want to call him."

"Yeah and he's done pretty good at keeping other guys away from her, except for Eli anyway, but they've been doing an awful lot…I think. I don't really want to know actually."

"I'm sure Clare is fine, she's surrounded by friends and Reese is in juvie. Adam is having fun and everyone is relaxed so why don't you relax," I say and press my lips to his.

He starts to relax and we don't break apart until Lucas sits down next to us. We talk to Lucas for a while and mingle around the party. We do find Clare outside with both Owen and Johnny but she's sitting in Owen's lap. Tris is here with Zane and Riley for a while but they leave together to go to Zane's place, a fact that Tris does not tell Owen. Spinner even joins the party when he's off work, it goes until nearly dawn and we go home, although some people decide to just fall asleep here. Owen comes home with us to sleep in Clare's bed, Maya came with us too but K.C. and Jenna stayed at Jay's. As we've been up all night Drew and I fall asleep almost instantly. We wake up at noon when Drew's alarm goes off because he works from one to eight today.

"Ugh we've only had like two hours of sleep," I complain.

"Over six actually," Drew laughs.

"You didn't have to listen to your snoring," I shoot back and he smacks my ass.

"You don't have to go to work you can sleep as long as you like," he tells me kissing my temple.

I hear Drew start the shower and I fall asleep again, he kisses me before he leaves and I sleep for another hour before I hear other noises in the house and I know people are awake. I get up and pull on some clothes going out to the kitchen. Spinner is up and making breakfast with help from Paige. Clare is on the sofa with Owen, Adam and Maya. I sink down into the armchair and wait for breakfast. After eating Clare is the first to nab the shower. It's a pretty lazy Saturday at 3:30 I pack some sandwiches and leave for the mall to see Drew.

"Hey Beautiful," he smiles.

"Hi I brought you dinner," I tell him.

"Great it's time for my break," he says and closes the kiosk to take his break. We walk to the food court and get some drinks then we sit down and I get out the sandwiches. We eat together mostly in silence and then I lean against him, his arm around me for the rest of his break. "I have to get back to work, I'll see you at home," Drew sighs when his break is done.

"I love you I'll see you at home," I reply and kiss him passionately.

I walk him back to the kiosk and kiss him again before leaving. I get back in my car and drive home, surprisingly no one is home. I imagine Clare's probably out causing trouble; Adam must be out with Maya, probably with K.C. and Jenna. Spin is probably taking the time alone with Paige and I have the house all to myself. I grab a container of ice cream and sit on the sofa to watch TV. Just as I'm getting comfortable the doorbell rings, no one in our gang rings the doorbell so it's a delivery or a solicitor. I get up and answer the door and all the breath leaves my body.

"Mom?! What the hell are you doing here?"

**I just love my cliffhangers don't you lol? The update next Saturday will pick up from right here. **


	16. Disposable Lover

**Be sure to check out the DeGrassi Saviors website. I posted the November and December calendars. November is one shot month, lots and lots and lots of one shots! December is short story month 3 chapters of each short story that will be running at the time. **

**Ch. 16 Disposable Lover**

**(BIANCA)**

"Mom?! What the hell are you doing here?" I haven't seen her in ten years but I know her. She looks the way I remember, older and thinner but she looks the same. When she first abandoned me at her sisters I thought I was just staying with my auntie for a few nights. When Mom didn't come back I was upset and cried for an entire day, and then I got angry and I hoped I'd never see her again because I understood that she'd discarded me like trash. Now she's here standing on the doorstep and looking at me like she just dropped me off yesterday and she's come back for me but I'm not six anymore and I don't want to see her.

"I came to take you back," she tells me.

"Excuse me? Take me back? We didn't break up you abandoned me at Juliana's house," I remind her through clenched teeth.

"And I saw in the paper that a man was attacked in Julie's house. A boy went to prison for it, I have a better life now and you're coming with me," Mom insists taking my arm and pulling at me but I yank my arm back.

"Go to hell Mom I'm happy here and I'm not going with you. That man that was attacked at Auntie Julie's house tried to rape me and it's not the first time. I was raped in the apartment by one of the hundreds of men she's brought home. I was raped and put back in that awful apartment. Juliana never loved me or cared about me, she ignored me and you left me there. Well I have a family now, I have a boyfriend that loves me and I'm staying here and you can just got to hell," I tell her and slam the door in her face. I lock the door and run back to grab my phone. Drew is still at work and Spin doesn't answer, his phone must be on silent, Clare and Adam's phone's both go straight to voicemail. Jay and Sean are at work but Johnny isn't as he doesn't have a job.

"Hey B," he answers and I know he's at the ravine just by the sounds in the background.

"No one's at the house and my mom just showed up out of nowhere."

"I'm on my way," he tells me.

"No I'm coming to you I could use a drink," I reply going out the back. I'm not sure if my mom is still hanging around but I'm not taking the chance. I don't even take my car just run to the ravine. Johnny sees me coming and he comes over, he hugs me and I get a drink sitting with him on the ripped out back car seat.

"You okay?"

"No not in the least, I haven't seen her in ten fucking years and she just shows up all of a sudden and tells me she's taking me back. I'm not living with her, not ever again she fucking dumped me on my auntie ten years ago and she hasn't so much as sent a card in the last ten years."

"She can't force you to live with her you're sixteen almost seventeen you can choose where you want to live."

"That's good because I never want to see her again," I respond chugging down my drink and getting up to get another.

"Does Drew know where you are? Or anyone in the Mason family?" Johnny questions and I shake my head. Johnny gets his phone out, he sends a text to Drew, Adam, Clare and Spin just to cover all his bases and now the whole family knows where I am. I'm drinking and I'm angry and it's making me drink all the faster and I barely notice when Clare shows up with Owen and Lucas nor do I know how many drinks I've had since I've gotten here.

"I've never seen her drink like that what's going on?" Clare asks although she's directing the question at Johnny because she apparently thinks I can't answer.

"Myfuvingmomsowedup," I slur. Okay maybe I'm not in any shape to answer.

"Her mom came to the house," Johnny says for me.

"Her mom?! But her mom is gone, she's been gone for ten years," Clare says.

"Flucking bwitch," I slur before taking another drink.

"She's hammered," Lucas remarks.

"Yeah we can see that, it's a good thing you're hot," Clare quips back and he shoots her a look. I find her remark hilarious and start laughing so hard I fall onto Johnny. "I think we need to get her home," Clare says.

"I'll come with you guys," Johnny nods and then one of the guys picks me up. I laugh all the way to the car and then lean against whoever is sitting in the backseat and I almost fall asleep by the time we're home. Someone picks me up and carries me into the house taking me into my room.

"I'll get her into bed can one of you get some water?" Clare requests and I start laughing again.

"Yeah I'll get some," Owen nods.

"I'll start some coffee," Lucas offers and the boys leave.

I lie on the bed and Clare takes off my shoes and socks, then she unzips my jeans and starts tugging them down my legs. She gets them about halfway down and I sit up putting my hand on her shoulder.

"I lubyou Clare," I tell her.

"I love you too Bianca," she replies as she gets my jeans off. "I'm going to take your bra off so you'll be more comfortable," Clare remarks sitting behind me on the bed.

"No no but I really love you. You take such good care of me. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay better than my mom or my auntie," I say as Clare gets my bra off taking it off through my sleeve. "And you're so much younger and prettier than they'll ever be," I tell her squeezing her face in my hands.

"I love you too Bianca, you're like my sister. Now lie down and I'll let the boys in," Clare comments.

"I like boys," I giggle getting under the covers.

"Owen, Lucas and Johnny like you too, not nearly as much as Drew," Clare replies opening the bedroom door.

"I love Drew and he loves me, I want my Drew. Where's my Drew?" I inquire as Owen hands me a glass of water.

"He's at work he closes tonight; we already talked to him and told him you were home safe. You should rest," Owen instructs after I drink down the glass of water. I nod and lie down closing my eyes and quickly fall asleep.

**(CLARE)**

"I'll think she'll be okay but we should check on her. Once Drew is home he won't leave her side. Adam will be home soon, Spin and Paige probably won't be home until late though and they know she's safe," I comment as we leave Drew and Bianca's bedroom.

"Let's go watch a movie in the living room and check on her one of us will check on Bianca in fifteen minutes," Owen says.

We all go out to the living room and turn on the TV, Adam gets home first, he's alone tonight since Maya is sleeping at home. He asks about Bianca and we tell him she's sleeping while Johnny goes to check on her. Drew gets home just after ten which means he closed the kiosk a few minutes early and raced home.

"She's alright; she's been sleeping for the last couple of hours. We've been checking on her every fifteen minutes," Owen tells him as soon as he's in the door.

"What the hell was her mom doing here?" Drew questions.

"When Bianca came to the ravine she said her mom wanted to take her but Bianca's old enough to choose where she lives," Johnny explains.

"No fucking way her mom is taking her. I'm going to go check on her," Drew remarks but we knew he would.

"Have you eaten?" I ask him.

"Not since Bianca brought me lunch at four," he replies.

"Go be with Bianca I'll make you some food," I tell my brother. He smiles going to his room and I go into the kitchen. I put on water for pasta, cut up some onion and bell pepper, sauté them in a pan and add them to the cooked pasta when it's done. I put it all in a bowl and take it into Drew.

"Thanks Clare, it smells good," he grins taking the bowl.

"No problem you need to eat. She'll be okay she's just drunk," I assure my brother.

"Yeah I know but she's been through so much she doesn't need this and I hate thinking of anything happening to her. Or anything causing her pain," Drew says.

I smile and kiss my brothers cheek before going back to the living room. When Spin and Paige get home we tell them what happened. Spin goes to check on Drew and Bianca and then tells us all to get to bed or get home since we all have school tomorrow. Well everyone but Lucas.

"Johnny and Lucas are both sleeping over and I'm going to sleep at home tonight, check on my brother he's been spending a lot of time at Zane's," Owen tells me rolling his eyes.

"You know we aren't actually dating you don't have to check in with me before leaving," I tell him.

"I know but I spend a lot of nights over here I'm just telling you," Owen replies.

I smile and kiss his cheek before he leaves. Lucas takes the sofa and Johnny sleeps on the floor. I go to my room and get ready for bed; I start to fall asleep but for some reason Fitz enters my mind and then Reese invades my thoughts. I have disturbing dreams all night and wake up early and in a panic, my heart is pounding and I'm breathing heavy, drenched in sweat and shaking. Before I can take a deep breath my bedroom door opens and Adam comes in.

"What happened?" Adam questions sitting on my bed.

"Disturbing dreams," I reply as I begin to calm down.

"About what?"

"Reese mostly."

"Reese is gone, he's in juvie," Adam assures me putting his arm around my shoulders.

"I know with Fitz," I remind him.

"Fitz is fine; Sean would have called if he wasn't."

"That didn't stop the dreams, they were terrible."

"They were just dreams Clare you're safe and so is Fitz. You can call Sean if it will make you feel better," Adam offers and I nod. "Okay let's go have breakfast you can call him after we eat seeing as it's not even six yet."

"I'm not hungry but coffee would be nice. I don't want to wake Lucas and Johnny though."

"They won't mind and they have to get up soon anyway."

We leave my room and go to the kitchen. I start the coffee machine and it wakes Johnny and Lucas. They don't ask why we're up so early but they do help Adam with breakfast. I wait until 6:30 to call Sean because I know he'll be awake now. I return to my room to do so because I don't want Johnny and Lucas to hear the conversation.

"You're calling awfully early," Sean says.

"I know I'm sorry but is Fitz okay? I mean you saw him on Saturday, did he say anything about Reese?"

"He said Reese was there but they're in different dorms and classes and everything. They're together in the yard and meal times but there's always guards and the guards know to keep them apart. They haven't been anywhere near each other, Fitz is fine don't worry. I promise if anything happens to Fitz while he's there you'll be my first call," Sean assuages me.

"Thanks. Uh Sean Reese can't get out can he? Before his release date?"

"No the judge gave him a minimum of eighteen months he's not getting out before that even with good be behavior, which I doubt he's capable of anyway. What's wrong? Why all the questions?"

"I just had some disturbing dreams, they have me stressed I guess."

"Well Fitz is fine and when Reese does get out he'll never get near you or any of us again. I have to get ready for work you sure you're okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine, thanks Sean I'll talk to you later."

I hang up with Sean and finally go out to eat breakfast. Everyone else is awake now including Spinner even though he closes tonight. Bianca is sipping some coffee and eating a greasy breakfast.

"Feeling better?" I ask her.

"Sort of, so long as my mom stays away," Bianca replies.

"I already told you there's nothing she can do to make you live with her so if you see her again just tell her to go to hell," Spinner says.

We finish eating and getting ready for school riding in two separate cars. Bianca feels pretty lousy all day but she gets through school. I hope she feels better tomorrow because it's her birthday. She doesn't want a party but we're still doing something at the house tomorrow night with all of us.

"So I know tomorrow is Bianca's birthday and Friday you'll be going to the football game but do you want to go out on Saturday?" Eli asks as we leave media studies at the end of the day. Of course as Drew and Owen are in the class with us they overhear this.

"It's your job to keep the guys away from her," Drew comments to Owen.

"That doesn't mean I can stop every guy from asking her out and he's gone out with her before," Owen points out as we all walk out of class.

"She's busy Saturday night," Drew answers for me.

"Andrew," I huff pushing at him. "Drew works Saturday night and so does Spinner you can pick me up at eight," I tell Eli.

"Excuse us a second," Drew comments grabbing my arm and pulling me into an empty classroom. "Are you crazy?"

"I'm fifteen Drew I'm going to want to go on dates with boys," I point out.

"Yeah I know that but going out with Eli so soon after Reese? We know nothing about Eli."

"Eli is not Reese, Eli is nothing like Reese and you can't lock me in a tower. It's just a date will you relax?"

"With you for a sister it's impossible and I still don't like this."

"Eli and I have been on a date before and he didn't do anything but buy me a book of poetry. It's just a date Drew; you didn't really think making Owen my boy toy spy would keep me from going out with any other guy did you?"

"Yes actually," Drew responds and I laugh as we leave the classroom. "One date, have her home before curfew and just because me and Spin won't be there don't think there won't be people there for you to answer to," Drew warns Eli.

"Understood," Eli nods.

"Will you go to practice already," I assert shoving Drew playfully.

"I'll see you guys tomorrow," Eli says before walking down the hall.

Adam and I go to our lockers and Bianca takes us home, Jenna rides with us. Maya and Tris are staying after school and we don't see Zig anywhere. We all get a snack and then sit in the living room to do our homework. Owen and Drew get home a little before five and Drew brings in the mail handing me two letters from Jeff. I smile and tuck them into my binder because I'm not about to read them in front of everyone.

"You're sleeping over tonight right?" I ask Owen fingering the envelopes and he knows they are letters from Jeff.

"Yeah sure," Owen smiles.

Paige gets home and Adam and I help her make dinner then we all eat at the table. After dinner I go to my room and read the letters from Jeff.

**Hello Pretty Eyes,**

**Your last two letters were so hot I couldn't read them all in one sitting. They left me breathless, my pulse speeding and my palms sweaty. One of my friends saw only a portion of one letter and wanted to know who you were but you're my secret and I wasn't going to tell him anything.**

**I count the seconds until we're together again and I can hold you, kiss your cherub lips and stroke your soft skin. Every night a vision of you is what I sleep to, my memories of your soft porcelain skin and pink lips. Your sparkling eyes and your beautiful body, it's all I see and I wish you were in the bed with me. So I could touch you and feel you and kiss you.**

**I want to squeeze your two perfect breasts, hold them in my hands, massage them gently and kiss the supple flesh that makes up their two gorgeous mounds. Then I will kiss every inch of your skin to your belly button before I open your legs. Diving into your hole and drinking your nectar until you tremble and quiver in my hands.**

**Just writing this I can already taste you, I crave you and Thanksgiving seems so far. I better end this now before I decide to get in my car and drive up just to taste you again.**

**Until tomorrow my seductress. **

**Eagerly yours,**

**Jeff**

I set down the first letter biting my lip and squeezing my legs together as I begin to feel a tingle between them. Just as I open the second letter Owen comes in and I give him a carnal smile.

"Must be some hot letters tonight," Owen grins.

"Very hot. Lock the door," I instruct.

"Should I come back after homework?" Owen asks.

"No do homework in here, use the bed I have another letter to read and one to write and I'm already hot," I reply. Owen simply smiles and goes to the bed while I read the next letter.

**You have enchanted me. I hope you know that and how terribly painful it is to be so far away and write these letters every day. Yes I see the irony in that it was my idea to do only this and not exchange phone numbers or e-mails or anything. Every time I go to the mailbox and see there's a letter from you I smile. I dream of you at night and have a way of seducing your way into my thoughts during the day. **

**Now where did I leave off yesterday? Oh yes lapping your nectar from your dripping pussy and leaving you trembling in my hands. I will use my tongue to bring you to orgasm over and over, when you have reached orgasm so many times your legs tremble at the slightest touch I will withdraw my tongue and kiss my way up your trembling body. Licking the beads of sweat from your breasts before I take your lips and you taste your flavor on my tongue. And then I will kiss you until your body stops shaking. **

**Think of that as you sleep tonight and dream of me. Let me invade your dreams the way you do mine. **

**Dreaming of you,**

**Jeff**

I look over at Owen but he's buried in homework. I grab paper and pen and start writing fast. After two letters like that you can't blame me for being hotter than a June bride sitting bareback on a Harley at full throttle.

**Sexy Smile,**

**I just read your last two letters and I'm dripping. It's a good thing Owen is sleeping over and you know you never did tell me if you had a proxy for me.**

**Anyway I believe it's my turn so first I'm going to make you undress slowly while I watch. When you're all naked I'll kneel down and look up admiring your body before I take your cock in my hand and my mouth. I'll lick every centimeter of the soft pink flesh and then lightly suck the head. Draw my teeth over the head gently swirl my tongue around until your body shakes. Just before you're ready to shoot into my mouth I'll stand up, push you to the bed and abduct your lips in a kiss.**

**I'll continue this tomorrow; I don't think I'll last any longer.**

**Thinking of you and dreaming of you and wihsing you were here.**

I rapidly sign my name; I'll put it in an envelope later. Right now I have other things to take care of. I get up and jump on the bed pushing Owen's books on the floor.

"Do I get to blame you if my homework isn't finished?" He asks.

"I'll help you finish it later, take care of me now please. Unless you'd rather I go out and find Eli," I tease.

Yes I know how to get him and it works. Owen pushes the rest of his books to the floor and pins me to the bed abducting my lips in an ardent and forceful kiss. I reach down open the button his jeans and yanking them until the zipper opens. Owen pulls out of the kiss and sits me up.

"You first," Owen says taking my top off.

It only takes a couple of minutes for us to get naked and then Owen gets between my legs. Much like in Jeff's letter he dives right in, his tongue laps around and around. I'm already dripping but when I'm convulsing and moaning he withdraws his tongue and inserts two fingers instead while he sucks my clit. I make a purring moan that I stifle by putting a pillow over my head. Owen moves off my clit, his body moves along mine and he takes the pillow away pressing his lips to mine instead. I exhale into his mouth; my tongue finds his and fights for dominance while my hand finds his throbbing cock. I curl my fingers around him and stroke a couple of times and Owen moans into the kiss.

His fingers twist and curl inside me and I stroke him. The faster I move the faster he moves and I know that soon we'll both climax. Not wanting Owen to make a mess that we'll both need to clean up, and probably shower from, I pull out of the kiss. I let go of his cock and remove his fingers from within me forcing a whimper from my lips. Then I turn around straddling over his face. Owen grabs my hips pulling me down and shooting his tongue back into me. I quiver and moan, taking his cock back in my hand and placing my mouth around it. Within a few moments we're both on the brink of orgasm again, our bodies trembling and we start to moan and I climax first muffling the cries of release against Owen's throbbing man meat. It sends him over the edge and he shoots into my mouth. I swallow it and collapse onto him, after a moment when his strength is regained he turns me around and puts me in his arms.

"You know I almost feel guilty doing this, Jeff gets you hot and I get you off. It's like the best parts of a relationship without any of the work. Although I haven't actually been with anyone else, not even on a date since we started this," Owen remarks.

"Hey you can walk out of this at any time and date a girl," I reply.

"And walk out on my duty of keeping other guys away from you no way your bother would kill me."

"You're not exactly keeping them away," I laugh.

"Eli's harmless and everyone else is staying away and there aren't any girls I want to date. But if there ever are any I'll let you know, I will miss this though," Owen comments and I giggle grabbing his shirt from the floor to cover up in.

"I'm going to clean up in the washroom a bit and then I'll help you with your homework," I tell him.

"You're going to the washroom like that? If your brothers see you they'll kill me."

"No they won't you're Drew's spy remember," I grin and leave my room for the washroom. Only Paige and Adam see me and neither says anything about me only being in Owen's shirt. When I return to my room Owen has boxers on and I sit on my bed with him to help him with his homework all the while thinking of Jeff.

**Update next Saturday starting with Bianca's birthday, more from Bianca's mom and probably including Clare and Eli's date.**


	17. Guess it Was Never Understood

**Yay for relaxing weekends and longer chapters!**

**Ch. 17 Guess it Was Never Understood**

**(DREW)**

"Happy Birthday Sexy Girlfriend," I grin kissing Bianca's neck after my alarm goes off waking us up Tuesday morning.

"Thank you Sexy Boyfriend," she smiles turning her head to kiss my lips. We keep kissing until I hear my brother hollering to get us all up.

"MASON BROOD UP," Spinner yells. He's always been our second alarm clock, our phones usually wake us up but he makes sure we all get out of bed. I hear a couple of other doors opening so my younger sibs are out of bed. "Hey," Spin calls into my room banging on the door, "have birthday sex later time to get ready for school now."

"You think he'd actually come in if we didn't get out of bed?" Bianca asks pushing me off her so she can get up.

"Knowing him he'd probably send Clare in, Adam would never come in but my sister likes trouble and she'd come in," I reply and Bianca laughs.

We get dressed and both go into the washroom to get ready. Spin is making pancakes for breakfast, it's just the kind where you add water to the mix since it's a weekday but it's still good. Paige cuts up fruit and Clare is getting out everything any of us uses to top our pancakes, whipped cream, marshmallows, chocolate sauce, peanut butter, honey and maple syrup we all like something different on our pancakes. Owen slept over again, I know it was my idea but I didn't think he'd be sleeping over and in Clare's room, quite so much.

"Happy Birthday Bianca," everyone says when Spin gives her a plate of pancakes.

"Thanks," she smiles and I kiss her before she takes her first bite.

"Everyone will be here at six for dinner and celebration," Clare says and Bianca smiles.

We eat breakfast and the five of us finish getting ready for school, we take two cars. Bianca and I go in mine and Owen takes Clare and Adam in his. Bianca will bring Clare and Adam home in my car and I'll ride back with Owen tonight. We all walk in together and find Tris, Zig, Maya, Jenna and K.C. in the foyer. Adam greets Maya with a kiss and Owen tousles his brother's hair. Everyone says Happy Birthday to B and she smiles.

"Can I bring Zane and Riley to dinner tonight?" Tris asks.

"Zane and Riley? You're going to bring your boyfriend and his ex to dinner?" Owen questions.

"Uh yeah about that when I said I was dating Zane well…" Tris pauses thinking about how to say whatever he's about to say.

"Hey Tris," Zane calls to him before Tris can finish, Zane is standing with Riley and both are waving Tris over.

"Gotta go boyfriends are beckoning," Tris comments and pretty much runs over to Riley and Zane.

"Did he just say boyfriends?" Owen inquires cocking an eyebrow and looking at his brother walking with Zane and Riley. "Gotta go," Owen tells us and starts running after them, "Tris get back here."

"Oh dear Tris is in trouble," Clare comments and then Eli walks by grinning at Clare. "See you later," she says trying to walk away and I grab her waistband.

"Stay," I order.

"What do you think I'm going to do at school ten minutes before the bell?" Clare questions.

"Oh I'm sure you can get into plenty of trouble in ten minutes," I reply.

"Let her go she really can't do much in ten minutes and I doubt that she's ever had as much fun with Eli as with Owen," Bianca comments taking my hand from my sister's clothing so that I release her.

Clare grins at Bianca and walks off, the rest of us hang out until the bell and then part to go to class. My homeroom is English, a class I had with Fitz but as he's in juvie right now he won't be in class. I know everyone else in the class but I'm not friends with them. Fitz is also my only friend in second period class, my morning classes have been pretty lonely without Fitz. At lunch I find my girlfriend, sibs and our friends and we all go have lunch at The Dot since Spin is working. Everyone is here but Owen and Tris, Bianca says Owen is eating with Tris, Zane and Riley off campus. Apparently Tris is dating them both and Owen is not too happy about that. After lunch we say goodbye to Spin and walk back to school but Bianca freezes before we get to the parking lot. I look over to see a woman getting out of a car and walking to us. I've never actually seen Bianca's mom before but I know this is her.

"Bianca get in the car we're leaving," her mom says.

"Go to hell Mom you're not my guardian anymore and I can choose where to live. I'm staying at the Mason's."

"I am your mother, leaving you with your auntie was a bad idea but…"

"A bad idea you abandoned me and you haven't cared for ten years and I don't believe for a second that you're starting now. And for the record you were never any kind of mother," Bianca says walking toward school.

"Stay away from us, if you come to my house again or anywhere near Bianca we'll take legal action and she's not a kid anymore you can't take her," I say in a growling tone and our group walks back to school. Bianca's waiting for us on the steps and I put my arms around her kissing her softly. "She won't come near you again, she can't do anything anyway you're seventeen."

"I know I just wish she'd never have come back," Bianca sighs.

"Just don't think about her it's your birthday," Clare tells her and Bianca nods.

We go into school and to our lockers, when the bell rings I kiss Bianca and walk to auto shop. Owen is in class when I get there.

"How was lunch with Tris and his boyfriends?" I question.

"Odd, not sure what to think about that. Tris says he's happy and they like him. I told Zane and Riley if they broke his heart I'd rip their heads off. They got the message and if Tris is happy it's cool but it is his first relationship, and it's with two older guys not one I'm just worried."

"Two older boyfriends on his first relationship he might end up being more trouble than Clare," I remark.

"I don't think anyone can be more trouble than Clare," Owen replies and I laugh just as Eli walks in.

"Speaking of Clare and trouble," I comment quietly.

"Worried about their date on Saturday?" Owen asks.

"Constantly worried about her and I don't know Eli the way I know you."

"Don't worry I'm sure if he has any ideas about touching her Jay and the others will scare them right out of his head," Owen says and I smile.

We stop talking when the teacher comes in and begins class. After auto shop Owen and I walk to media studies with Eli following us since he's in the class too. My sibs are already in the class with B and Owen and I sit at our table with her. I spend most of the class either sneaking kisses from Bianca while Miss Oh isn't looking or watching Eli who spends most of class watching my sister. Before I head to football I kiss Bianca and tell my sibs I'll see them at home. Owen, K.C. and I walk to the locker room to get ready for practice. It's a standard football practice; we warm up and play a scrimmage game to prepare for Friday. After practice we shower and change then three of us go in Owen's car to my place. It's almost six and pretty much everyone is here already only Jay and Sean aren't here but they'll be here soon.

Spin already ordered pizza and it arrives just after Jay and Sean do, just about everyone chips in for pizza. There's so many of us we eat in the living room. Bianca opens presents after pizza and then we have cake. As it's a school night and people have work or school tomorrow, I have both, so people go home at ten. Actually Tris goes home with Zane and Maya and Owen are sleeping over but everyone else goes home except Lucas who goes to work. I still have all my homework to do so I go into my room and Bianca comes with me. She did all her homework earlier but she usually helps me.

"So did you have a good birthday?" I ask my girlfriend.

"Yeah I did and I won't think about my mom anymore. I love you Drew," she grins kissing me softly.

"I love you too and I'm glad you're living with us."

**(JOHNNY)**

I park at DeGrassi Friday evening and walk toward the bleachers at the football field. I'm here for the game of course but before I get to the bleachers I see a woman hanging around near the bleachers. Not that it's odd to see a woman near the bleachers at the school on game day, but she's not looking at the field she's watching someone in the bleachers and she looks a little familiar.

"Hey Johnny," Adam says walking over with his arm around Maya.

"Hey guys," I nod to them, "do you know that woman?"

"Shit it's Bianca's mom. I'm going to tell Simpson can you take Maya to the bleachers? And keep an eye on B but don't tell her that her mom is here," Adam requests.

"Yeah no problem come on Maya."

Adam lets go of her, I put my arm loosely around her shoulders and we walk to the bleachers. It's not hard to find our group since we take up a couple of rows. Clare, B, Jenna, Zig and Tris are in the first row with room for Adam and Maya. Lucas, Jay, Spin, Paige, Emma and Sean are in the second row.

"Where's Adam?" Spin asks.

"Had something he had to do he'll be here in a minute," I reply while Maya sits in the first row and I sit next to Jay in the second row.

Adam comes after a moment and sits down but doesn't say anything to B about her mom being here. DeGrassi is playing Bardell and both sides are hyped to win because the two schools hate each other. The Bardell side of the stands is yelling and hooting at their team in excitement while yelling insults at ours but we're doing the same. I scan the Bardell side mostly just killing time until the game actually starts but I stop when I see a familiar face. I hit Jay's arm and nod over to the person I'm looking at.

"Dean's here," I whisper in his ear to be sure that Paige doesn't hear me.

"He better fucking stay on that side," Jay says in a low voice. Dean must sense that we're watching him because all of a sudden he looks right at us. He smirks and then looks at Paige with a lewd grin and Jay and I both clench our fists. "This should be an interesting game," Jay says quietly turning his head to me but without taking his eyes from Dean.

"No kidding when I got here I saw Bianca's mom," I inform him in a whisper.

"Great, like I said this game should be interesting," Jay replies as the DeGrassi band begins playing the national anthem.

After the anthem the game begins, we yell and cheer for the whole team but mostly for Owen, K.C. and Drew of course. Bardell starts with the ball and scores the first goal. By halftime Bardell is leading by six points but DeGrassi has scored and we're not too far behind. All the girls go to the washroom in a group, knowing that Dean is here and Bianca's mom has been lurking Jay and I follow them. Clare is first out of the washroom and we grab her by the arm.

"Can I go back to the stands now?" She questions.

"Not alone," Jay tells her.

"What's going on?" She asks pinching her eyebrows together.

"Hey Zig," Jay calls to the boy just coming out of the boy's washroom and avoiding Clare's question.

"What's up?"

"Take Clare to the bleachers," I tell him.

"Are you two going to tell me what's going on?" She asks.

"Nope," we both reply. Clare rolls her eyes and walks off with Zig. Paige and Emma are next out of the washroom.

"I'll walk you guys back to the stands," Jay tells them and they both give him a look. After what Dean did to Paige and knowing he's here we're definitely not letting her walk back to the stands alone.

Jay walks off with Paige and Emma and I watch the girl's washroom again. Jenna and Maya come out next and I tell them to walk back to the stand together so I can walk Bianca back, not too sure that her mom will actually try anything but I'm not taking any chances. When Bianca comes out she sees me and gives me a look.

"I assume you're not waiting for the girl's washroom so why are you waiting for me?" Bianca questions walking over to me.

"Saw your mom earlier just being cautious," I tell her.

"She spent ten years ignoring me why the fuck is she back now and why the fuck won't she leave me alone?"

"I don't know but Adam told Simpson she was hanging around before the game and I haven't seen her since. Come on let's get back to the bleachers the game will start again soon," I say putting my arm around her shoulders loosely and we walk back to the bleachers. Everyone is here but Maya and Jenna and they left before we did. "Sit down I'm going to go find Maya and Jenna," I tell Bianca.

"What do you mean you're going to find them?" Adam asks.

"They should have been back by now I'm going to look for them," I reply.

"I'm coming with you," Adam says but I already knew he was going to say that.

We walk back towards the washroom but don't see them so we go back outside and look under the bleachers and start walking toward the Bardell bleachers. I see Jenna struggling with a boy, a boy I've never seen so he must be with Bardell, I point it out to Adam and we start running over.

"Get away from us," Jenna shrieks.

"We both have boyfriends and you two are gross," Maya says.

"Come on don't you want to be with guys from a winning team," one of the boys says grabbing Maya.

"GET AWAY FROM MY GIRLFRIEND," Adam growls hitting the guy. When Adam hits the one guy it distracts the other two and I run over knocking their heads together.

"Stay away from them, stay away from all DeGrassi girls they're too high class for you slobs," I spit at the Bardell boys.

Adam puts his arm around Maya, I put my hand at Jenna's back and we all walk back to the bleachers and sit down again. DeGrassi seems to be determined to win, between Owen, K.C. and Drew Bardell hardly gets the ball. Julian scores two touchdowns, Drew scores three and we end up winning by four points. We all cheer, Jenna, Bianca and Tris all run onto the field to congratulate their boyfriends. Clare runs onto the field too, she jumps on Owen to kiss him, and probably make Drew's blood boil just a bit as she seems to enjoy that.

"The team will probably go to celebrate we're going to head out. Adam tell your sister, when she stops sucking Owen's tongue off, that Paige and I are going out with Sean and Emma. We'll be home late," Spin says.

"Will do have fun," Adam grins.

"I'll meet you at the car I'm gonna use the washroom," Paige says to Spin. She kisses him and I exchange a look with Jay. He nods and we follow Paige to the school and to the washroom. We wait against the wall for Paige to come out and we see Dean lingering at the end of the hall. So we calmly walk over before we violently pin him against the wall.

"I thought you got the message years ago," Jay growls.

"I just came to watch my old school play a football game," Dean replies.

"And watch Paige we saw you watching her," I comment.

"She was at the game too that's not my fault," he responds.

"And we told you never to look at her again," Jay reminds him.

"You can't always watch her," Dean responds.

"Was that a threat?" I snarl.

"Just an observation," Dean smirks.

"Jay, Johnny what are you doing?" Paige exclaims rushing over. We have Dean blocked so she can't see him but when she does see that's who we have pinned against the wall she freezes. "Dean?" Paige gasps.

"Hey there Spirit," Dean grins.

"Shut up," Jay hisses.

"Go find Spin we'll take care of this piece of trash," I tell Paige.

She just nods and pretty much runs out the door. We wait a few minutes to be sure Paige is gone with Spinner and then we grab Dean by the arms and escort him out of the school. We walk him to the parking lot and off school grounds taking him into the woods at the edge of the ravine. We start beating the crap out of him and just manage to get him to the ground when Jay and I are grabbed from behind and each of us are hit. It's the three guys that were bugging Maya and Jenna earlier. Jay and I are no strangers to fist fights and we just clench our fists and begin throwing punches. Dean is down and between me and Jay we manage to beat the other three and they take off running after a few minutes.

"I could use a beer you want a beer?" Jay asks.

"Yeah let's go I definitely need a drink after that," I nod as Dean groans and starts coming around.

**(CLARE)**

"I'll get it," Adam says when the doorbell rings Saturday night.

"Can't I just sneak out the window and take Eli and flee?" I ask while fixing my hair in the washroom.

"And deprive everyone in the living room of grilling Eli? Not likely," Bianca comments helping me put up part of my hair.

"Think of it as a test, if Eli survives he's earned the right to date you," Emma comments.

"Spin, Sean, Adam, Drew and K.C didn't have to go through this," I point out as Paige hands me my coat.

"They're one of us, Eli is not," Paige replies.

I shake my head and go out to the living room; it looks like Adam got Eli a glass of water. Lucas, Jay, Johnny, Sean, K.C. and even Zig are sitting on the sofa and all are giving Eli a harsh look. Adam is just standing next to Eli and patting his shoulder.

"Are you a virgin?" Jay asks Eli.

"That's your first question?" I ask with a slightly indignant tone.

"No that's our third question," Lucas replies.

"No I'm not a virgin and I don't plan on having sex with Clare tonight or anytime soon," Eli says but his voice quivers a little. Not that I can blame him half the guys I know look like they want to kill him.

"It's none of your business what we're going to do tonight," I reply. Drew and Spin are at work tonight so they sent all the other guys to do their job. All except Owen who is spending the night spying on his brother.

"Yes it is our business we can keep you two from going out if we don't like his answers," Lucas replies and I roll my eyes while Paige pats my back.

"We're having dinner and a movie at my place but both my parents will be home the whole time," Eli tells them.

"That won't necessarily stop you from doing anything to Clare," Johnny comments.

"I've only had sex with one other girl, my longtime girlfriend at my last school. I won't do anything Clare doesn't want to do, I'd never do anything she didn't want to do," Eli assures them.

"Can we go now?" I request.

"No we're not done yet," Lucas says.

They spend the next several minutes rapidly firing questions at Eli. They ask about his parents, his old girlfriend, his old school, how many girlfriends he's had, his driving record, if he's ever done drugs and had alcohol, but when they ask if he's ever been to an adult store I decide that's enough.

"Okay we're leaving now, the Spanish Inquisition better be satisfied you've asked him everything but his blood type," I comment.

"What is your blood type?" Zig questions and I roll my eyes again.

"B positive," Eli replies.

"You can go now just make sure she's back by midnight that's curfew," Adam tells him.

"I'll have her home by 11:30," Eli says standing up and I take his hand pulling him out the door.

"I'm really sorry about that," I apologize to Eli once we're in his car and driving to his place.

"I was warned asking you out was putting my life in my hands but I figured it was worth the risk," Eli smirks and I smile. We're silent on the rest of the drive to his house.

"This is your house?" I question when we pull up to a very large three story home with a large yard.

"Yeah," Eli nods parking and he comes around opening my door. I get out and follow him to the front door, he unlocks it and we go in. The palatial house is even grander inside. "My parents are in the living room if you'd like to meet them," Eli tells me.

"Yeah that would be nice," I smile. Eli takes my hand and we walk into the living room. His dad looks like an aging rock star and his mom looks like a former biker chick. He introduces me to his parents then we get the dinner his personal chef made and we go into their private home theatre to watch a movie.

"Wow the best we can do is the living room TV and all of us piled onto the sofa and chairs, and lounging on the floor," I comment sitting down in the cushy private theatre.

"I like your living room it's cozy," Eli grins.

"Yeah sometimes too cozy we always have people over and it's hard to be alone," I remark.

Eli just smiles and the movie begins, after watching the movie he takes me on a tour of the house. Turns out his dad is an aging rock star, he has gold albums and everything. He had a few hits in the 80's and worked with many well-known artists and now he's the late night DJ on the classic rock station in Toronto. Eli and his parents moved this summer when his dad was offered the job. Between that and the royalties his dad gets it affords them a comfortable lifestyle.

"So you have lots of money and you still drive around in an old hearse?" I comment when we end the tour in his room.

"Antique hearse actually and I like Morty he expresses my personality," Eli replies.

"What morbid?"

"Yeah sort of. We have two hours before I have to get you home do you want dessert?" Eli asks.

"Yeah sure," I nod looking around Eli's room. Eli leaves and I sit on his bed looking at the room. The whole thing has been painted black and he has black bedding. Black light posters are on his walls and posters of bands I don't like, although Adam, Zig and Bianca listen to Dead Hand and Eli apparently loves them. He also has pictures of him and his ex on his wall; at least I assume it's his ex. He has pictures of him and his parents in locations all around the world too. "Here chocolate soufflé, Suzanne makes the best," Eli says handing me the dessert.

"I've always wanted to go to most of the places on your wall," I remark sitting on his bed again. "Is there anywhere you haven't been?" I question.

"Oh sure lots of places but we always go somewhere new every year and sometimes dad will play a concert or something somewhere. He was a lot more popular in Germany and Japan than North America."

"I've never been out of Ontario, I've barely been out of Toronto," I comment a little quietly.

"You could go to college somewhere else; you're really smart I bet you could get in almost anywhere."

"Maybe but that doesn't mean I could anywhere I wanted. Uh why do you have pictures of your ex still up? That is the girl in all the pictures right?"

"Yeah that's Julia," he nods.

"Isn't it customary to take pictures down when you break up?"

"We didn't break up, she was killed last year," Eli replies.

"Oh I'm sorry," I say remorsefully and feel stupid for making the remark.

"It's okay you couldn't have known," he shrugs. "I could take you," Eli says after a moment and I look at him, "to one of the places you wanted to go. We could go this summer or maybe during March break."

"Yeah that would be nice," I reply slowly. I eat my dessert quickly and we're silent for several minutes. "Umm would you mind taking me home now?" I ask after eating my dessert.

"Yeah sure, are you okay?" Eli asks with a worried look.

"I'm fine I'm just getting a headache and I should probably get home. I had a nice time though."

"You want some aspirin or something?" Eli offers.

"No I just need to lie down and I'd like to be in my own bed. I'm sorry can we raincheck?"

"No problem," Eli smiles sweetly.

He takes my hand and we walk downstairs and back to his car. I really don't have a headache but I felt funny and I didn't want to be on the date anymore. Eli drives me home and I look at my little house still full of people, more people now since Drew is home.

"Thanks tonight was fun, you probably shouldn't walk me to the door they're all still there," I say to Eli and kiss his cheek before getting out of the car. When I open the front door everyone is in the living room and they all look at me.

"What happened?"

"What's wrong?"

"Did Eli do something?"

"Are you okay?"

Drew, Lucas, Sean and Zig's questions overlap each other and it takes me a second to sort them out in my head. Adam's not asking any questions just giving me his worried and curious look.

"Eli didn't do anything, I have a headache I'm going to lie down and the date was nice," I reply.

Again I don't have a headache but I'm not in the mood for questions and telling them I felt funny will just lead to more questions. I walk back to my room and get my shoes off, I didn't turn on the light but when the door opens I know it's Adam.

"You don't have a headache I'm pretty sure of that so what's going on Sis?"

"Nothing," I respond lying down.

"Clare I'm your twin you can't fool me."

"Eli and I are very different it won't ever work. It just didn't feel right. He's rich did you know he's rich?"

"No," Adam shakes his head.

"Yeah his dad was a rock star. Eli likes black and death which probably has something to do with the fact that his ex died and yet he still has pictures of her on the wall. He's been all over the world; he offered to take me away for March break. He's got a private chef and a home theatre and a mansion and we live in a tiny house we keep cramming with more people."

"So you think you're not good enough for him?" Adam questions.

"I think I don't want to be a kept woman, I think Eli and I are from two different worlds and it will never work. We're nothing alike Adam it would just lead to disaster."

"You don't know that Clare."

"I know I'm doomed to spend the rest of my life here."

"What are you talking about?"

"Never mind, I just want to be alone right now."

I hear Adam sigh and he leaves my room. I can still hear everyone in the living room so I go shower. When I get out I can still hear everyone, they're loud and it's annoying. Very very annoying at the moment, so I get dressed and go out my window. I need to be alone and that's virtually impossible at my house so I'll go find somewhere I can be alone.

**Update next Saturday will pick up from around here. It might also include Thanksgiving but that all depends on what happens in the chapter.**


	18. I Don't Care & I Don't Need You

**Unlike last Saturday when I had nothing to do today was actually quite busy and didn't leave much time for writing so it's a short chapter.**

**Ch. 18 I Don't Care &amp; I Don't Need You**

**(CLARE)**

The early fall evening is hardly dark, between the moon, streetlights, house lights and even the lights from the planes that fly overhead. There's noises everywhere, Mr. Branson's TV is so loud I can hear the old and overdramatic cop show he's watching from out here. The Waller's baby is screaming, cars rush past, the Cougan's are arguing, it's all noise. But none of it is my brothers or their friends or boys that I like so it's not annoying. I have no destination in mind I just keep walking, walking fast and my only thought is to get out of my neighborhood and away from my house. I want to go somewhere that no one will know me as the Mason baby sister or anyone's sister for that matter. I wander the streets for a while before a group of guys finds me. As they approach one of them wolf whistles at me.

"You look lonely," One of the guys says.

"I'm fine thanks," I reply trying to walk past them but they block me.

"I know you, you're Drew Mason's kid sister," another comments. Apparently it's impossible for me to go anywhere without people knowing who I am.

"What of it?" I question.

"Just surprised to see you wandering by yourself is all," he replies.

"I needed to get out of the house and I don't need any escort. If some guy tries anything I don't like I'll castrate him. I've got three brothers by blood and another half-dozen or so not by blood I'm not related to. One thing I do know is how to take care of myself. The last boy that tried to rape me was sent to the hospital," I comment.

"I believe it," one of them grins.

"So where you off to?" Asks another.

"Anywhere I can think and there aren't too many people," I respond pushing my way past them and they move.

I keep walking, wandering and meandering aimlessly, I don't think about where I'm going or where to turn I just turn. The walk does clear my head and let me think, only by the time I'm ready to go home I have no idea where I am. I left everything at home including my purse and phone; I wasn't paying any attention to where I was going so I can't retrace my steps. I'm certain that I'm out of Riverdale and when I reach an intersection I don't even recognize the street names.

"This could be problematic," I comment to myself looking around. I walk a few more blocks before finding a gas station. "Hi can I use your phone please? It's a local call," I request of the guy behind the counter, he looks like he's in his early twenties.

"Yeah I guess," he shrugs handing me the phone. I'm not about to call my brothers, calling Paige or Bianca will be just as bad and Lucas is at work. I could call Owen I suppose but I don't much feel like it. I decide to call Johnny because he'll be the least likely to yell at me. He doesn't answer the first time I call probably because it's an unfamiliar number. So I call back right away and this time he does answer.

"DiMarco."

"It's me Johnny, I need a ride home."

"From Eli's?" He asks.

"I'm not at Eli's I'm at a gas station on the corner of Galt and Dagmar."

"You're wh…never mind I'm on my way you can explain later," Johnny remarks.

"Thanks Johnny," I reply and hang up. "Thanks, you mind if I wait inside my friend will be here soon," I tell the guy behind the counter and he responds by shrugging. It takes Johnny almost half an hour to get here and when I see his car I go out and get in the passenger seat.

"Alright what the hell are you doing all the way out here?" Johnny questions.

"I had to get out, I needed to think and you know how impossible that is at my house," I reply. That's all Johnny says about it, he doesn't utter another word until we get back to my house.

"You want me to come in with you?" Johnny offers.

"No I'm going to sneak back in through my window. Thanks for the ride Johnny; I don't suppose we can keep this between us?"

"I won't say anything but no more wandering at night okay? If you need to get out then find another way. Just 'cause we're always at your house doesn't mean you can't crash at one of our houses," Johnny tells me.

I smile at him, kiss his cheek and get out of the car. I climb back in my window, sit on my bed and take off my shoes. Before I can start getting ready for bed my door opens and my light turns on. I look over to see Adam in my room looking both angry and relieved.

"Where in the hell have you been?" Adam inquires shutting my door.

"Walking," I reply.

"Walking? Walking where? You can't just sneak out a…"

"Adam stop," I cut my twin off sharply. "I can't think in this damn house and I didn't want to be here. I went walking, I'm not a child and I'm not helpless and I don't need you or Drew or Spin or anyone else to lecture me. Just leave me alone Adam I just want to go to bed."

Adam sighs but leaves my room; I lock my door and get ready for bed. I know Adam didn't tell anyone else I was gone or my brothers would have had everyone out looking for me. I don't write a letter to Jeff tonight I just can't bring myself to do it, still too much swimming in my mind. I also can't sleep, I lie awake for a long time thinking, tossing and turning and what little sleep I do get is plagued by disturbing dreams. I wake up early, before the rest of the house and leave a note for my brothers that I went to Johnny's.

**(BIANCA)**

I wake up to Drew's stomach growling; I smile and turn over to kiss him good morning. Drew smiles and keeps kissing me until his stomach growls again.

"I guess it's time to get up," Drew comments.

"Yeah and eat," I remark.

Drew and I get up and get dressed, he goes to the washroom and I go into the kitchen. The first thing I notice is a note on the chalkboard in the kitchen that says Clare went to Johnny's.

"Anything to eat?" Drew inquires.

"Yeah cereal unless you want to cook. Your sister went to Johnny's place."

"When?"

"I don't know. She's at Johnny's she's safe and at least she left a note," I respond.

"Yeah because if she just disappears Spin and I will find a way to get her a chastity belt and keep her in a tower," Drew responds.

"Right like that would make her stay home," Adam comments coming into the kitchen.

"Don't you think if you and the others weren't so hard on her she wouldn't be so much trouble?" I remark as we make ourselves cereal for breakfast.

"No she's always been trouble," Drew argues and I roll my eyes.

"He won't listen," Adam whispers to me and notices Clare's note on the chalkboard.

Just after we sit down Maya comes into the kitchen and makes herself cereal. When we're almost done with breakfast Spin and Paige come into kitchen.

"Why'd she go to Johnny's?" Spin inquires.

"She was upset last night and I think she just wanted to get out for a bit," Adam says.

"Upset about what? Did Eli do something?" Spin questions.

"No but he wasn't what she was expecting and…well I don't know it's not like I can read her mind and she wouldn't talk to me last night," Adam replies in a tone that's a mix of anger, frustration and worry.

"I have to go into work soon are you going to be okay today?" Drew asks me after we leave the table and go back into his room.

"I can take care of myself," I shoot back.

"I know that but I mean with your mom still hanging about and all," Drew says.

"I'll be fine, I'll come and bring you lunch."

"I love you," Drew grins capturing my lips for a sweet kiss.

"I love you too," I smile.

I stay with him while he gets ready for work and then kiss him again before he leaves for work. Spin is also getting ready for work and Paige is taking Adam and Maya to her place. Paige must run errands after that because once Spin leaves I have the house to myself. Only for a few minutes before Lucas shows up, then Zig and then Paige returns. A little before Drew's due to go on lunch I pack a lunch for us and drive to the mall.

"Hey Sexy," Drew smiles when he sees me coming.

"Hi Handsome ready for lunch?"

"Starved," he replies. He tells Max that he's going on lunch and we sit at a table in the food court. We talk a little over lunch, when he's done eating we just sit with his arm around me. "You know I'm going to marry you some day," Drew whispers in my ear. His fingers trace down my arm before he puts his hand on mine interlacing our fingers.

"We will huh?"

"Yeah we will, not for a while I ain't dumb. You'll go to some great university and I'll go wherever you do. Although maybe I'll wait until Clare and Adam are out of high school so I can help Spin with the bills and rent and stuff."

"That seems reasonable. Are you really thinking about marriage?"

"I'll tell you a little secret, I've been thinking of marrying you since the first time we kissed," Drew tells me and I smile turning my head to kiss him. "I should get back to work, I'll see you at home Gorgeous," Drew grins and kisses me again before I let him up.

He goes back to the kiosk and I toss our trash before going back out to the car. When I get to my car I find my mom leaning on it.

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Bianca we need to talk."

"You want to talk? Fine let's talk; let's talk about how you dropped me at your little sister's house when you couldn't deal with being a parent. Let's talk about how she didn't want me either and for whatever reason she kept me around but did nothing more than give me a roof over my head. She spent my whole life ignoring me, making me feel like I was less than nothing because in her eyes I wasn't even there. Thank goodness I had good friends because if I didn't I'd probably be dead in a ditch right now or on the streets. Juliana never cared about me, I was more than a burden to her and she never cared what happened to me. She brought men home from the time I can remember, she never cared when they looked at me or tried to touch me or they tried to rape me. I'm sure she was glad to be rid of me. The day you left me with Juliana and never looked back is the day you gave up any right to ever see me again. You might have given birth to me but you are not my mother. And since you can't seem to leave me the fuck alone I'm going straight to the police station to file harassment charges."

I get in my car and my mom moves away as I peel out, I drive straight to the police station and tell the desk clerk I want to file harassment charges. He gives me a stack of paper work to fill out and I sit down calling Paige before I start filling any of it out.

"Hey Bianca."

"Hey after I left Drew I found my mom leaning on my car. I told her off and now I'm at the police station to file harassment charges. I might be a while there's a lot of paperwork."

"You need some support?" She asks.

"Yes thanks that would be good."

"I'll be right there," she says and hangs up.

I set down my phone and look at the paperwork. I really hope my mom gets the picture and stays away for good this time.

**(SEAN)**

I wake up to the sound of my alarm; it's a little after seven and I have to be at work at nine. After we made sure Eli knew he would die if he tried anything with Clare Emma and I went out. We stayed out late and then went back to her place for dessert and sexy time. I would have stayed over but we both had to be up early and I figured I better get home and check on Mom. I found her passed out drunk in her room, which is where I find her this morning. After I make sure that she's still breathing I change into my work clothes and eat breakfast.

"Hey Sean," Jay nods to me when I get into the garage.

"Hey, you have fun last night?"

"Yeah met a girl, danced a little, drank a little and you know," he replies.

We clock in and find out what cars we're working on. I take lunch first and call Emma while I eat. She worked early this morning but is now at home studying for a test she has this week in her environmental law and policy class. Jay goes to lunch as soon as I get back.

"Got a message from Paige, Bianca's mom showed up again and Bianca's at the police station filing harassment charges against her mom," Jay tells me when he gets back from lunch.

"Good I hope her mom stays away this time."

Jay nods and we go back to work. We both get off at six when the garage closes. We go back to the locker room to get our stuff.

"I'm going to go to the Mason's and see how things went with Bianca's mom. I'll just shower there, might sleep over since I'm off tomorrow," Jay says.

"Cool I'm going home to shower and eat, see if Mom has woken up from her drunken coma yet but I might stop by later."

Jay nods and we say goodbye as we walk out and get in our cars. I drive home and walk in the door to find the place is thrashed. It looks like we've been robbed but before I can call the cops I hear a crash coming from Fitz's room and I run back to see what's going on. Instead of finding a robber I find our mom tearing apart Fitz's room.

"Mom what are you doing?"

"We're dry I need money to go to the store," Mom tells me trying to pull Fitz's mattress off his bed.

"Fitz doesn't keep cash under his mattress. What happened to the gin I bought you just the other day?"

"I drank it. I need a fix baby give me some cash."

"Sleep it off, I'm going to shower," I tell her and she slaps me. I ignore her and go into the washroom to shower.

After a long shower I find Mom is gone, she took most of the cash I keep hidden in my desk for emergencies. I'm pissed but I'm not going to go running after her. I'll confront her when she gets back; she needs to go back into rehab. I clean up a little and then make a quick dinner of canned soup and toast. Mom gets home before I'm done eating, she's carrying two bags and I hear glass bottles clinking in the bags.

"That's the last of it, you'll get no more money from me for liquor you're going back into rehab," I inform her.

"I need it baby, I need it to keep me going," Mom says opening a bottle.

"You don't need liquor Mom you want it so you don't have to deal with the reality that your husband left you. Well Dad left me and Fitz too, Fitz don't even remember him. Instead of being a mom you dove into a bottle of liquor and never came up. Fitz and I stayed around and took care of you even though you never took care of us. You know we got into trouble a lot because of you, at least half the times Fitz has been in TJCS has been because of you. Because he was swiping some medicine for you, or some new clothes because you were so drunk you tore up your clothes. Either you get dry or we're done, I'll take Fitz and we'll move and you'll never see us again. We've given you every chance in the world we stayed and took care of you and it was more than you deserved. You finish what you have and then I'm driving you to rehab and if you don't stay dry this time you'll never see either of us again."

"No, no I can't live without it," Mom shakes her head and puts the bottle to her mouth chugging it.

"You'll live without it or you'll live without us. Look at the house Mom; you destroyed it looking for cash. I should have taken Fitz a long time ago. We're better off without you. You're a coward and you've done more harm than good in our lives. You know what you're not even going to finish those bottles I'm getting rid of them and you're going to rehab now," I say grabbing one of the bottles from the bag and opening it. I start pouring it down the sink and Mom screams.

"NOOOO what are you doing?" She shrikes taking the bottle in her hand and hitting me in the face with it.

I hear a crack and feel the crunch of the glass as it splits. I don't realize the bottle has shattered on my face until I feel the blood flowing down my cheek. I grab my mom's wrist and shake her hand until she drops the bottle, then shove her away from me. I grab a roll of duct tape and tape her arms behind her back before she does anything else. Then I call the cops, I tell them briefly what happened and they send a patrol car and an ambulance. While waiting for them I grab a towel and hold it on my face to try and stop the bleeding. Mom is yelling and hollering about how she needs liquor and we're terrible kids but I ignore her.

"Sean it's Officer Turner," he calls through the door.

"Yeah come in," I call back and the door opens.

"He attacked me arrest him," Mom says when they come in.

"Sean you need to go straight to the hospital I'll call Emma," Turner tells me and the EMTs come in.

"Yeah put her in rehab and don't let her out," I comment as the EMTs take me out to the ambulance.

I know Turner will take care of it and I get in the ambulance. Once we're at the hospital I get rushed back to a room and they put gauze on my face. When they get the bleeding under control I'm taken down for X-rays and when I get back to my room Emma is there.

"Oh my gosh. Your mom did this?"

"Yeah she's been put in rehab and I hope she stays dry but I'm kicking her out. I'm done taking care of her, so is Fitz, she's just poison to us. If she can clean up and stay sober maybe she can be part of our lives again but I should have done this a long time ago," I say and then a doctor comes in.

"Sean your zygomatic and maxilla bones, that's the cheek bone and the bones just under your eye socket, have been broken. We need to operate, we'll prep you for surgery immediately," the doc says.

"Give me one minute doc," I request and he nods leaving the room when he's gone I take Emma's hands.

"This is not how I wanted to do this, bloody and broken and all but I know one thing Emma Simpson-Nelson, I know how much I love you. I know how deeply in love with you I am, I know how much you care about Fitz and I know I can't picture my life without you. Move in with us, move in with us and marry me?"

Emma pulls in a breath, she's shocked but she smiles, "Yes I'll marry you." She tries to kiss me but I'm all bloody and swollen so she kisses my hand just as the doctor comes back in. "I'll call the others and tell them what happened," Emma tells me as they start prepping me for surgery.

"Thanks call TJCS too and tell Fitz will you?"

"Of course," Emma smiles, "I'll go up and see him they might let me in."

**It's the day of bad moms! Update next Saturday will pick up in Fitz's pov and probably include Monday at school.**


	19. She Wants More than All She Knows

**If you've been to the DeGrassi Saviors site then you are aware that October will be the last time long stories are update until January. If you haven't been to the site then you should because my writing calendar, along with many other things, are there. November is one shot month, yes an entire month of one shots. And December is short story month; each short story will get three chapters that month before the holiday break.**

**Ch. 19 She Wants More than All She Knows**

**(FITZ)**

"You think you'll make it out of here in two weeks?" Elias asks as we get our lunch trays.

"I've been doing everything I can to make sure that I do. I'll get home just in time for Thanksgiving," I reply as we walk towards a table with Cliff.

Reese glowers at me as I approach the table where he's sitting with his friends. He hangs out with the lowest bottom feeders here. Tom, Steve and Bob all of which have been in here more than a year without seeing the outside, Bob's been in here almost three years and he's only sixteen. When he was thirteen he was part of a group that robbed a store, the clerk died and Bob was convicted of being an accessory to murder, among other things. He has two years left on his sentence but since he keeps getting in trouble in here he'll be transferred to an adult facility.

When Reese first arrived I knew it would be trouble but I've been doing all that I can to avoid him. Fighting with him will only get me in trouble and keep me from getting out. My friends have been helping and I keep reminding myself I'm getting out of here to be with Clare. I can't be a man for her if I'm still stuck in juvie. Watching my temper is a big part of that. I've always responded to threats and anger with violence but I'm learning to control it.

Reese puts his foot out to trip me but I see it and step aside. Elias, Cliff and I sit with our friends. We're talking about classes this morning and what to do this evening when Reese comes over leaning on the end of the table looking at me.

"When I get out of here she's mine again," Reese says.

"I'll be out of here long before you will. Even if I wasn't her brothers would never let you near her again. Now get lost your stench is disrupting my meal," I reply in a calm voice.

Reese grits his teeth and glares at me, he pushes off the table and turns like he's going to walk away then he spins back and punches me hard before I can react. I clench my fist, my instinct is to hit him back and start fighting but if I'm caught fighting it means I won't be released when I want to be. So I take a deep breath and release my fist just as a guard yells at Reese.

"DELANCEY THAT'S TOILET DUTY FOR THE NEXT THREE DAYS," the guard says and Reese grumbles. "Get to your room Delancey you're done eating."

Reese storms out of the mess and we go back to eating. After lunch we have class and then yard time before chores. I have mopping duty along with Elias, it's not so bad as chores go, I'd rather be mopping than have washroom duty, kitchen duty or even laundry duty. After chores we have dinner and Reese isn't at dinner so he's still in trouble or in more trouble which is possible, he's been in here less than two weeks and already been in solitary twice. More chores after dinner and then free time, we go to the rec room, the TV is on and a football game is going. Guards are in the room since sports can cause fights so the guards are watching closely. I play poker with Elias, Cliff and Carter, we can't actually play for anything because that would be considered gambling but we still play.

"Bed time boys," the guard says at nine. We set down our cards and start getting ready for bed.

"Fitzgerald you have an emergency visitor," a guard tells me poking his head into the washroom where most of us are brushing our teeth.

Since we're only allowed family visitors, Clare's unauthorized visit does not count as no one knew she was here, and Mom never comes I rush to the visitor's room expecting my brother. At first I'm shocked to see Emma and then I'm scared, if Emma is here it means something happened to Sean or they never would have let her in.

"Emma what are you doing here? Is Sean…he's not…" I gasp the thought that my brother is dead or terribly hurt is heart stopping.

"Sean's alive he's just in the hospital having surgery, they almost didn't let me see you but I convinced them," Emma tells me as I sit down at the table. "What happened to your face?"

"Reese hit me but I didn't hit him back. Surgery? Surgery for what? What's wrong with Sean?"

"Your mom attacked him, hit him with a bottle and it broke on his face. It broke his cheek bone and the bone below his eye. He's having surgery to repair the bones but he's fine alive and everything. Your mom is being taken to rehab; if she doesn't stay sober he won't let her back into your lives. She needs more help than either of you can give her and she doesn't want any help."

"Yeah Mom just keeps slipping and she's hurt us before. Sean did the right thing she's just going to get worse if we keep taking care of her," I nod solemnly. I love my mom because she's my mom, she gave us life but it's about all she's ever done for us. She's been a parasite to us ever since Dad left and we've been taking care of her out of a sense of duty, even though it's been slowly killing me and Sean.

"There is some happier news, tonight at the hospital Sean asked me to move in," Emma says and I smile. "He also asked me to marry him and I said yes."

"That's great news, and it's about time you two have been dating forever and you make my brother incredibly happy. Does this mean you'll be at the house when I get out of here?"

"Yeah I'll start moving in this week and see about breaking my lease or subletting but I'll be there. It's our home now and Sean and I will make it a nice home before you come back."

"Times up," a guard calls in and we stand up.

"Thanks for coming Em, tell Sean I'm thinking about him and to get better."

"I will, I still have to call everyone else I came straight here but I'm going back to the hospital to be there when Sean is out of surgery."

I nod and hug Emma quickly before going back to my room, escorted by the guard. I share a room with Elias and Cliff and they both look at me when I come in.

"What's up?" Cliff asks.

"My mom went nuts and attacked my brother he's in the hospital; she broke a bottle on his face. He'll be okay after some surgery to repair broken bones."

"If your brother is in the hospital who came to see you?"

"His fiancé, he asked her to marry him tonight and they let her in. Sean kicked my mom out of the house and into rehab and Emma's moving in. Just more reason for me to get out of here as soon as possible."

**(CLARE)**

"I ordered a pizza for lunch," Johnny says when I come out of the washroom. I came over very early this morning and I plan to spend my entire Sunday here. As long as my brothers know I'm somewhere safe I'm fine.

"Thanks," I smile.

"You have to eat and I doubt you want my cooking," Johnny replies. Johnny lives with his Dad, his parents divorced and his mom moved to Europe so he never sees her. His older brother Aron is going to school in New Brunswick. His dad works nights in a warehouse so he's sleeping right now.

"Will your dad care that I'm here if he wakes up?" I question.

"No he won't be up until at least four and then he'll eat and get ready to go to work; he probably won't even realize you're here. So are you hiding out for any particular reason?"

"Same reason I went walking last night I just needed to get out. I thought I liked Eli but when we were together I didn't feel anything for him, I couldn't stop thinking about Jeff or Fitz. I also felt so different, his family is wealthy, they have money and they travel and we have a little house that Dad left us and the farthest I've ever been is Ottawa for a school trip. All I saw was our differences, our vast differences and I realized I shouldn't be there. As much as I love my family and all of you I came home to a house full of people who didn't even let me breathe before asking a bunch of questions and assuming that Eli did something. Even Adam followed me back to my room and sometimes I just want to be alone. No other girl in our group is treated like me and I'm not the youngest Maya is. So why am I the only that is so guarded and treated like I'm helpless. And don't tell me it's because I'm the only girl that's not with someone in our group."

"That's part of it, I mean as soon as Maya was old enough she began dating Adam. Jenna and K.C. were the same way so were Drew and Bianca, not a lot of girls in our group. Paige and Emma have always dated in our group or people we know well. And they only became a part of our group when Paige became friends with Spin and Em became friends with her. It's more than that though," Johnny replies.

"Okay then what is it?" I inquire.

"Honestly you scream "protect me" you are a victim, you make yourself one and you put it out there," Johnny informs me.

"What? I don't scream that! The last thing I want is to be protected I want freedom and trust and not to be treated like I'm some delicate fairytale princess."

"I know but subconsciously you scream it and people pick up on it. It's why guys like Reese prey on you, why every time someone we don't know glances at you we glare at them. It's probably not all you, growing up with three older brothers and a dad. Adam was always a guy and being the only girl they naturally protected you. As the rest of us came into the group we picked up on it and it became habit, instinct, second nature we're just always aware when someone is close to you that we don't know. And you learned that no matter what trouble you got yourself into one of us would always be there to get you out of it. It kept you from getting picked on when you were little, kept guys from looking at you and kept most of the guys at DeGrassi from hitting on you. The older you got, the more your brothers and dad tightened the reigns because they didn't know what to do with a girl and you began fighting against it. Sneaking out and hitting on guys without your brothers knowing, hooking up with Owen. The more you fight against it and rebel the tighter the reigns get."

"And just how did you come by this insight and why don't you share it with my brother's Mr. Smarty-Pants?" I question with a slightly sarcastic tone.

"I'm taking a psychology course at school and if I thought Drew and Spin or anyone else would listen and understand then I would."

"Well that fucking sucks and if it's just because my family was so protective of me why don't the other girls have it? Like Maya K.C.'s always been real protective of her and she's been in the group nearly as long as he has."

"Maya only had one over protective brother until us and she doesn't scream "protect me" like you do. She's quiet and shy, obsessed with music and that's why she and Adam fit so perfectly. Bianca has a dangerous vibe to her, still doesn't stop creeps from getting to her like the guy that tried to rape her, but she doesn't generally go making trouble and it doesn't find her the way it does you. Plus Bianca never had anyone until us she was always on her own which taught her to be tough and instinctive. Jenna's a lot like Maya, she likes music and she's been dating K.C. for what three years now? Jenna's more outgoing but she also only had one brother who spent most of her life at school in the states. Anyway Jenna's always put most of her energy into K.C., music and cheerleading. Emma's always had a cause to fight for and put her energy into and she was never very worried about guys. Paige was but she also put her energy into things like cheerleading and after Dean she began dating Spin so yeah you're the only one. You've always had someone there to pick you up when you were down, had someone to step in when someone was giving you trouble, we know you can fight your own battles but we still do it for you. Growing up in your house and with so many friends with so many problems you had to fight for attention, you draw the attention just by being you whether you like it or not."

"I hate it. Like I said this fucking sucks are you always going to treat me like that?"

"I'm sure you'll go away to some fancy college and we'll stop."

"College is expensive we don't have that kind of money and as much as I hate being treated that way I'm so close to my family, by blood and extended. We've always depened on each other. Going to a faraway school would be so hard, leaving my brothers and all of you."

"Well you've got two years to decide and a lot can happen in two years."

"So why don't I think that's enough time for them to start treating me differently," I huff as there's a knock on the door.

Johnny smiles and answers the door paying for the pizza. We eat and watch TV as I think about what Johnny said, as frustrating as it is Johnny is right about all of it. When his dad gets up he nods to us, microwaves some dinner and goes back to his room. An hour later his dad leaves after saying a quick goodbye and telling Johnny to clean up a little. Johnny and I finish off the pizza for dinner and just as I'm thinking about getting home Johnny's cell phone rings.

"Hey Adam she's still…shit when?" Johnny asks with fear and anger in his tone so I know Adam's not calling about me.

"What is it?" I question.

"We'll meet you guys there," Johnny says into the phone and then hangs up looking at me. "Sean's in the hospital his mom attacked him," Johnny tells me.

I grab my purse and run out the door with Johnny getting in his car. For the first time that day my mind is not mired in thoughts of self-pity and my own frustration. All thoughts of myself and my brothers are pushed aside by worry for our friend. When we arrive at the hospital just about everyone else is here, the only one missing, aside from Fitz of course, is Lucas but he has work tonight.

"How is he? What happened?" I question.

"He'll be alright, I don't know everything but his mom hit him with a bottle and the bottle broke on Sean's face. He fractured some bones in his face and he's in surgery right now which will take another two to three hours. His mom was taken to rehab but Sean told me he was done taking care of her and so is Fitz. Sean kicked her out and asked me to move in, also to marry him," Emma tells us.

"Emma that's incredible I'm so happy for you," I smile hugging her.

After I hug Emma Johnny does the same and congratulates her. After releasing Emma I sit down by Adam.

"Feel any better after escaping for the day?" Adam asks me.

"I'm not sure," I reply and Adam doesn't press the subject.

Emma says she called Lucas to let him know but since he's at work he won't get it until his break. She also tells us she went to see Fitz to tell him and I almost ask her how Fitz is doing but I remain quiet. We all spend the next couple of hours waiting for news about Sean, we're mostly silent and watching the TV in the waiting room. Finally a doctor comes in.

"The surgery went well, they're closing him up now and he'll be taken back to his room shortly. He won't be awake for several hours yet and when he is he won't be able to speak right away. We had to place metal plates and small metal pins on the bones to help the bones heal and fuse together. We'll keep him here a couple of days to watch for infection and complications then he go home."

"Thank you doctor," Emma says. The doctor nods and leaves and Emma looks at all of us. "You should all go home; I'm going to stay with Sean tonight. He won't be awake but I need to be here. I'll call you if anything happens and you can come see him tomorrow," Emma tells us.

"Call us if you need anything," Paige insists and Emma nods.

We all say goodbye to Emma and I ride home with Spin and Paige while Adam and Maya ride with Drew and Bianca. It's not that late when we arrive home but everyone is tired, Spinner works a day shift tomorrow, Paige works too and the rest of us have school. No one says anything but we all go to our rooms. I'm not tired yet and I write a letter to Jeff. I tell him what happened to Sean and some of what Johnny said to me earlier. I get the letter ready to mail before getting ready for bed. I have a restless sleep that night, tossing and turning, my mind churning from one thought to the next. When my alarm goes off I get up with a tired groan. I snatch the washroom first and hop in a shower instead of eating breakfast.

"Emma called Sean's awake and he's doing well although he's a little frustrated that he can't really talk," Paige tells me when I come into the kitchen. Everyone else is already in here and eating breakfast.

"It could have been a lot worse their mom is a terrible drunk I'm honestly surprised it's the first time either one has been in the hospital because of her," Drew comments and I nod.

"You have enough time to eat cereal unless you just want a granola bar," Adam tells me.

"Not hungry," I reply and everyone looks at me. "I'm just not hungry nothing to be worried about," I tell them.

"With you there's always something to be worried about," Spinner mutters not entirely under his breath and I glare at him not that he sees it because his back is to me.

Spinner leaves first since he works 9-6, Paige leaves just after he does and then we ride to school, I ride with Bianca while Adam and Maya ride with Drew. K.C. and Jenna are in the school foyer when we come in. We sit with them and talk about Sean, Emma called them too. We're all going to go see him after school but Drew, K.C. and Owen will have to wait until after football practice. Zig arrives next and then Owen with Tris. As we're all talking Eli arrives and I get up to go talk to him, as soon as I get up I can feel everyone's eyes on me. When I approach Eli they all go back to talking.

"Can we talk for a minute?" I request of Eli.

"Yeah sure," he says motioning for me to follow him. He finds an empty classroom and we go inside.

"I wanted to apologize for Saturday and our date."

"Apologize for what? I had a good time," Eli tells me.

"For cutting it short and asking you to bring me home. I ran out and you deserve to know why. You're a nice guy Eli and I like you but not like that. I was a little intimidated by your house and lifestyle. It's not fair to you for us to even try but I would like to be friends. I actually mean that it's not just a line."

"Sure friends is good, and you still don't have to apologize for the date I had a good time. And honestly I probably need some more time before I get back into dating after Julia," Eli says as the bell rings, "can I walk you to class?"

"Sure," I smile. Eli walks me to class and smiles before he leaves.

"What did you need to talk to Eli about?" Adam questions.

"I told him I wanted to be friends and that was all," I inform my brother and he smiles.

**(EMMA)**

"So have you given any thought to when you might want to have the wedding?" Paige asks as we set down a couple of boxes in what is now mine and Sean's room. It's Saturday October first and everyone is helping me move into Sean and Fitz's place. I was able to break my lease since I only had a couple months left on it.

"Next fall, we were thinking September 16th which falls on a Saturday next year. It gives us almost a year to plan and it will still be warm but not too hot and muggy. We want something simple but we haven't been able to talk about much else with my schedule. I was hoping you'd be my maid of honor," I tell her.

"Of course I will," Paige smiles.

"Sean wants us to clear out the stuff in his mom's room and take it to the rehab clinic for when she's discharged. A few of us will stay here and help you move the rest of your stuff and the rest of us will pack up Mrs. Fitzgerald's room," Jay comments poking his head into the room.

"Okay sounds good thanks Jay. What's Sean doing?" I question.

Sean was released from the hospital on Wednesday and has been on sick leave from his job since he's supposed to rest. Not to mention that being a mechanic can be hazardous when you have a facial injury. The doctor's wanted to be sure the sutures were closed and things healed fairly well before he got under another car. I've spent every night here with him and moving a little of my stuff in every day. It's been really nice to come home to someone every night after work. Sean is supposed to be taking it pretty easy still, he had to have several bones screwed together and a steel plate fusing together part of his maxilla bone that had pretty much shattered.

"He's sitting on his mom's bed, he'll give us a thumbs up or a thumbs down for what we should pack and what we should trash," Jay replies and I smile.

"There's maybe another car load and a half at your apartment we should go back and pack up get the rest," Paige comments.

"I'm staying with Sean, I think Adam, Maya, Jenna and K.C. want to stay too and everyone else can go back to the apartment with you," Jay remarks.

"Works for me, I'm going to take Sean to see Fitz after this last run so we don't miss visiting hours," I inform Jay and he nods.

The rest of us split up into cars and drive back to my apartment. Everything's already in boxes and we moved all the furniture last night after borrowing a truck. It's just a matter of taking boxes down the stairs one by one, with seven of us it doesn't take too long to get the last of the boxes down. It takes another hour to drive back and unpack the boxes from the cars.

"Thanks for everything guys, Sean and I are going to go see Fitz before visiting hours are over," I tell everyone.

"We'll be back tomorrow," Jay comments.

"Tell Fitz I said hi," Clare says.

"Say hi from all of us," Drew adds.

"We will," I nod.

"I'll lock up," Jay tells us and I smile at him.

Sean drives to TJCS and we go to the main gate. We aren't sure that they'll let me back in since it's not an emergency and I'm not technically family yet.

"Hello Sean," the guard at the gate nods to him, "crap that was a number your mom did on you," the guard comments and then looks at me, "Emma wasn't it?"

"Yeah I was hoping I could visit with Fitz as well," I tell him.

"We're not technically supposed to let you in since you're not family but I think fiancé is close enough to family that it's okay. Most of these guys can barely get one family member to come see them and some don't have any family to come see them. We find that the kids who have the most family support and visitors each week do the best and Fitz has been trying really hard, he's been doing great. Both of you go ahead and I'll make sure Emma is put on the approved visitor list," the guard tells us and I give him a big appreciative smile.

"Thank you," I say as Sean takes my hand and we walk inside.

You have to go through an x-ray and sometimes a pat down before they let you in. There's only five other boys in the room visiting with family. Sean and I sit down at a table and a couple minutes later Fitz comes in. He smiles when he first sees us and then looks shocked at the sight of his brother with half his face bandaged.

"Shit," Fitz exclaims as he sits down.

"It's okay, a few broken bones and a couple of steel plates. The bandages should come off in a couple of days," Sean assures his brother.

"He has a follow up appointment tomorrow and they may approve him to go back to work," I tell Fitz.

"Good, so you're okay otherwise?" Fitz asks

"Yeah the bones will heal," Sean nods.

"He's been on sick leave from the garage and staying home to rest. We moved all of my stuff into the house today, and your mom's stuff is packed up. It will be dropped at the rehab clinic tomorrow for her to take when she gets out."

"I'm glad you'll be there when I get out," Fitz grins.

We stay and talk to Fitz until we're kicked out. We tell Fitz about Clare's date with Eli and how she decided she only wants to be friends with Eli, this is of course news that Fitz likes to hear. I tell him everything Jenna and K.C. have done with Joey and Caitlin in preparing for the birth and adoption. Sean tells him all that's happened with Bianca's mom; we pretty much tell him everything that's happened in the last week. When our time is up we hug Fitz goodbye and go back out to the car.

"Thanks for coming I know it meant a lot to Fitz," Sean says when we're back in the car.

"Fitz means a lot to me too. He's my family and I'm happy to be here for him, now let's get you home and make dinner. Soup again since it's about all you can eat right now," I tell my fiancé and he smiles.

"I love you future wife," he grins leaning over to give me a loving kiss.

**Update next Saturday will begin with a different pov and Thanksgiving weekend.**


	20. At Night When You Turn Off the Lights

**Twenty chapters! Thank you everyone for reading and as always thank you to those who take the time to review. There is still so much more in this story so getting feedback from the readers is always helpful.**

**Ch. 20 At Night When You Turn Off the Lights**

**(JEFF)**

"What's this?" Sebastian asks taking Clare's latest letter from my locker. We're at the rink for an early morning hockey practice. We had just finished and were now changing before the bus takes us to school.

"Hey give me that," I grouse trying to take the letter back but Sebastian is already reading it.

"Shit this is hot, listen to this guys," Sebastian says reading from the letter as the other guys listen and two of them hold me back. "Sexy Smile," Sebastian reads and then looks at me, "you do have a sexy smile I suppose."

"Shut up Dude and give me the letter," I demand.

"No way this is super hot, this chick knows how to write. Listen to how badly this girl wants our Jeffy," Sebastian says and continues reading the letter, mocking a girl's voice which sounds nothing like Clare's sultry voice. "As soon as you get here I'm going to grab you and give you a hard passionate kiss. I will rip your shirt open and slowly drag my fingers down your chest until I reach your jeans. My fingers will…" Sebastian stops looking around the room. "The rest is just too spicy to read out loud. So McPherson who is this girl and where can I find her?" Sebastian asks handing me back the letter.

"She lives in Toronto where I'm spending Thanksgiving; I'll let you know how it goes when I get back."

We finish getting dressed and the bus takes us to school. Since it's a Friday before a holiday weekend we don't do all that much in class, which is good because I spend most of the day thinking of Clare and anticipating our reunion. As soon as school gets out I hop in my car and drive home. We packed last night and Mom has everything in the car. Dad arrives home and after changing we get in the car and drive to Uncle Harold and Aunt Pam's house. We greet my uncle and aunt when we arrive, after getting our stuff in Aunt Pam drives me to DeGrassi where Anya is. There's a football game tonight and Anya is cheerleading at the game. Knowing that Clare attends every game because her brother and two of her closest friends are on the team I know I'll find her here.

"I'll find my way back thanks Pam," I smile getting out of the car.

"Have fun," she smiles.

I walk through the crowd, the game is already going and I hear people cheering. I scan the people walking around looking on the bleachers for Clare. I can hear the cheerleaders but can't see them yet. I hear half-time announced and people begin pouring off the stands and walking around to get food or use the washroom. I run over to the school steps to get a better view. When I see Clare approaching I get down and wait for her to approach, hiding just behind the banister and when she walks near me I pull her behind the banister and into a wanting kiss. She's shocked for only a second before she begins returning the kiss. Her arms come around my neck and her lips part just a little.

"You're back," she grins when she pulls out of the kiss.

"I told you I'd be back for Thanksgiving," I reply with a grin.

"I know but I didn't think I'd see you until tomorrow," she says and I look at the girls watching us.

"Can I go with Jeff?" Clare asks one of the older girls. I believe it's Paige but I never did officially meet most of them and I only know what I've heard from Anya and in Clare's letters.

"Home by curfew," Paige tells her.

"Actually I was planning to go home. See you guys later," Clare smiles taking my hand and pulling me away.

"I'm surprised they let you go off with me," I remark knowing how protective her brothers generally are.

"Bianca and Paige know about you and they aren't as protective as my brothers."

"Are we really going back to your house?"

"They'll be at the game at least another two hours and if DeGrassi wins the team will go out to celebrate. Anyway I haven't seen you in a very long time and writing letters every day is simply not the same as being with you. Not to mention that you're only here for the weekend and given that it's Thanksgiving I imagine you'll be spending a good portion of said time with your family. Therefor I plan to take advantage of every moment I have with you," Clare tells me.

I smile and we reach her house after a few more minutes. She unlocks the door and re-locks it once we're inside. She takes my hand pulling me through the dark house to what is now her room but used to be Drew's. She leaves the main light off but turns on a small lamp on her dresser, the dim light is further filtered by the fact that she has a sheer purple cloth draped over it. She takes her jacket off so I take mine off, she sits on her bed and takes off her shoes and I do the same. Once my shoes and socks are off she grips my shirt and pulls it off. Her delighted smile turns positively carnal when she sees my bare chest and just as she said in her letter her fingers brush down my skin. Her fingertips stop at the top of my jeans; she grips my jeans and pulls me to her uniting our lips.

She kisses me hard and with burning passion and fervent desire and I return it all and more with my lips. She's wearing a dress which buttons up the front and I begin to unbutton it, with each button I open I push her dress open a little more to feel more of her skin. Each time my fingers touch the softness of her skin a tingle goes through me and Clare hitches a breath in her throat. I am very careful to not touch too much of her breasts just yet, I only gently touch the edges teasing her. She gets tired of the teasing and pushes me to lie on the bed opening my jeans. Clare stands and clutching my jeans she yanks them down forcefully. She gets them to my knees and repositions herself to get them off. Now that I'm nearly naked I take her hands, pulling her to me. Clare sits on my lap and I turn us laying her on the bed and taking her lips.

Our lips stay locked in the sizzling kiss as I continue opening the buttons on her dress. She has a belt around the dress and I open that, pulling it slowly from around her waist. I drop it to the floor and then reach down pulling her dress up and tickling my fingers along her thighs. Clare's body trembles just a little and her legs open begging me to touch her. I need to get her dress off but that's going to be rather hard to do with her lying down. So I release her from the kiss and stand up taking her hands and pulling her to stand. I grab her dress and pull it over her head draping it on the corner of the bed. I lean in to kiss her again and get her bra off but she stops me, putting her hands on my shoulders and I look at her.

"I want to lose my virginity to you; I want you to be to the first one to make love to me. Not tonight and not here, but I want to do it this weekend and don't ask me if I'm sure I know what I want and I know I want it to be you."

"Then we will make love this weekend. Tomorrow I have family time, we're doing something with my grandparents and it may take all day but you think you can get away for a few hours on Sunday night?"

"I'm sure of it, now back to what we were doing," Clare grins putting her arms around my neck to kiss me.

I unhook her bra and pull the straps down her arms; she has to release me so that I can get the bra off her. I let it fall to the floor and then hook my fingers into her panties and pull them down her legs. They fall to the floor and Clare steps out of them; she kicks them behind her and then grips my boxers and tugs them down. I step out of them and kick them behind me before picking her up and setting her on the bed.

"I've been thinking of this moment for weeks," I whisper to her as my hands trace over her curves.

"Me too," Clare whispers against my chest as her hands go over my chest and back.

For a few moments we do nothing but kiss with excited rapture and explore the other's body with our hands. Eventually we become feverish with fleshly fires and our hands wander to the most sensitive parts of the body. Clare's fingers comb through my pubic hair and she brushes softly over my growing erection. Such a tender touch it sends waves of erotic pleasure through my body and stokes my inner lustful fire hotter. My cock hardens and she curls her fingers around it and my body lurches slightly, a tranquil moan is evoked from my lips. For a second I'm not even able to think but as soon as I can my palm finds her clit and my fingers palpate at her pussy lips.

Clare takes a quick breath and exhales as a quivering moan, her hand not around my cock grips at my chest as I tease her nerve endings. The tip of my finger parts her pussy lips and just tickles the inside of her slit. Clare moans and strokes me a little harder, my finger goes in a little and her back arches. If she really wants to make love then I should open her up. Keeping my palm on her clit with just a little bit of pressure as my finger glides into her, she moans and her hand moves faster on my length. I add another finger into her warm hole and curl them around a little. This only incites her to move faster, her hand strokes me rapidly and my fingers stop knowing I'm about to cum. Clare knows it too and moves my hand away from her so she can move down and encase me in her lips. I shoot into her mouth with a satisfied grunt and moaning her name. She swallows every bit and licks her lips while take a moment to breathe.

"Your turn Pretty Eyes lie back," I tell her.

She grins and lies back with her head on the pillow, I pick up one of her legs and put it over my head. With her legs open I can smell her sweet scent. I move down and spread her lips with my fingers before slipping in my tongue. My tongue moves around, twisting around and tasting her juices. Clare moans and her body quivers, her back arches and she grips onto my hair and moves my head a little. Having thoroughly explored her core with my tongue I add a finger and circle it inside her along with my tongue. Her body is jerking and quaking in orgasmic abandon. She screams out my name and I slow down my tongue drinking in her juices hungrily. I move up and take her lips while she's still panting heavily as she recovers from orgasm. Her hand grips the back of my neck and she kisses me back, licking my bottom lip of her taste.

"That was a nice way to say I've missed you," she grins.

"And I have and we've been writing such incredibly hot letters for so many weeks I think that's been building for a while."

"Yes it has," she replies kissing my chest lightly and reaches over to get her cell phone. "We have a while before anyone is back yet," she says.

"What would you like to do?"

"Just this, hold me naked in bed, but if you hear a car pull up hide in the closet."

**(SPINNER)**

I wake up to the feeling of Paige's lips softly kissing my jaw and I smile, rolling over to get her in my arms. I grab hold of my girlfriend and flip her over so she's on her back and I'm leaning over her. I gaze at her with adoring eyes wondering just how such an amazing woman is with me. Brushing a strand of hair from her face I capture her lips with mine in a loving kiss.

"Good morning Gorgeous," I grin when I take my lips away.

"Good morning, I think the others are awake and making breakfast," she tells me.

"Let them make breakfast I'm happy just where I am," I reply pulling her into my arms and she lays her head on my chest.

"I'm going with Emma to look for a wedding dress today," Paige tells me.

"I remember but you're not meeting Emma for two hours," I comment kissing her neck and Paige giggles. For a while we just lie in bed holding each other until I hear Clare shriek in the kitchen, and then we hear people running.

"Should we go out there?" Paige asks.

"No let them kill each other or whatever they're doing."

"Bianca hold him down I'm getting him back for that," Clare says.

"I got him," I hear Johnny tell her.

"I'll help," Zig offers.

"Hey that's not fair," Drew complains.

"I think we'd better find out what's going on," Paige tells me getting up.

I sigh and get out of bed, we throw on our robes and I open my door to see Zig holding Drew's feet, Johnny is holding his arms and Clare is sitting on his stomach plastering him with pancake batter. I assume it's payback for the pancake batter I can see on Clare's upper chest.

"Unless you're planning to cook your brother and eat him for breakfast I'd stop while you still have some pancake batter," I tell Clare.

"He started it," Clare says getting off of Drew.

"I love this house," Zig laughs.

"I need a shower now," Drew complains.

"I'll help clean you up," Bianca grins.

"Sweet," Drew smiles grabbing her hand and pulling her into the washroom.

"If Bianca gets to help clean Drew up then can I call Jeff over to help wash me off in the shower?" Clare asks.

"No," I tell her sternly and she responds by sticking her tongue out at me. "You can use my washroom to clean up."

"Owen I need you," Clare calls and I open my mouth to tell her no again.

"Leave her, let Owen help she doesn't even need to get in a shower," Paige asserts pulling me with her toward the kitchen. We pass Owen in the hallway and he's wearing a lascivious grin. We get to the kitchen and find Adam has made some more batter.

After DeGrassi won the game last night everyone was celebrating, we came back here and found Clare at the house. She told us she was welcoming Jeff back but swore to me she was still a virgin. I insisted if she was going to spend more time with Jeff I needed to get to know him. I was going to forbid her to see him but I knew she'd just sneak out and want to see him more if I did that. We were all up late celebrating and Zig, Johnny, Owen, Jenna, K.C. and Maya stayed the night and they're all still here. Drew and Bianca come back to the kitchen first and are followed a moment later by Clare and Owen.

"Maya, Jenna, K.C. and I are going downtown for the day," Adam announces at breakfast.

"Zig and I meeting Lucas," Johnny tells us.

"I have to go pick up my brother from Zane's place after breakfast. He stayed over with Riley," Owen says.

"Do your parents know about the three way relationship?" Drew questions.

"No and I don't plan on telling them, I wouldn't even know how to explain it because I don't understand it."

"Drew and I will be out until he has to work," Bianca comments.

"You know," Paige comments when we go back to our room to get dressed after breakfast, "we all have plans except for you and Clare. I think it would be good for both of you if you spent some time together."

"I don't know what to do with a teenage girl."

"It doesn't matter what you do just spend time with her. Take her to lunch or something, if you want to know what's going on in Clare's life then spend time with her," Paige tells me.

"You're right," I reply pulling on some jeans and walking back to the living room. "Hey Baby Sis," I call her to her and she looks over at me with a scowl for calling her baby. "Get dressed you're spending the day with me," I inform her. I have a closing shift tonight so I don't even go in until six which gives us at least five hours.

"Am I in trouble?" Clare questions.

"No you're not in trouble we're just spending the day together," I reply walking back to my room to finish getting dressed.

Paige is dressed and getting ready in the washroom to meet Emma. Adam calls that they're leaving and Owen calls that he's taking them downtown. When I leave my room I find Clare waiting for me in the living room.

"You never want to spend time with me so what's going on? Wait you're not dying or something are you?" Clare begins to panic as we walk out to my car.

"I'm not dying, as far as I know I'm in perfect health. Paige just pointed out that we should spend some time together. I thought we'd go to the mall; you could use some new winter clothes. Then we can get some lunch before we do some shopping for Thanksgiving."

"I knew Paige moving in was a good idea," Clare grins.

I drive us to the mall and follow Clare around as she looks through stores at winter clothes. She pulls a bunch of clothes from the rack and then goes back to the dressing room. I'm actually rather bored but Clare likes shopping. While she's trying stuff on I start looking at stuff I might be able to get Paige for Christmas.

"Find something you like?" I question when Clare walks over with some sweaters and jeans.

"Yes all of these but how much can you spend?"

"Well I'm betting you don't need all of those sweaters but you haven't gotten new clothes in a while so the budget is pretty high," I tell her and take the clothes so I can see the price tags. "We can get these."

"Yes thank you Spin," she smiles hugging me tightly.

"Your welcome, we'll hit the shoe store after this you need some new boots."

"Awesome," Clare grins as we walk to the counter.

I put it all on the credit card and Clare takes her bags. We leave the store and go to the shoe store, she spends about half an hour trying on shoes before she finds a pair of boots she likes and we can afford. Since we're at the mall we decide to eat here but we eat in the restaurant instead of the food court.

"Thanks for my new clothes Spin," Clare smiles when we're sitting at the table.

"No problem you needed them. So how's school going?"

"Great, I'm doing well in all my classes as always."

"And the boy situation?"

"Is that your subtle way of asking if I have a boyfriend?" She questions.

"You would tell me if you had a steady boyfriend wouldn't you?" I question.

"I'd probably tell Adam first but yes I'd tell you. There isn't much of boy situation, Reese is gone, Fitz is in juvie, Jeff is only here until Monday and Owen is only fun."

"And when Fitz gets out?" I inquire.

"I honestly don't know. I really like Fitz, I've known him forever and I feel safe with him. At the same time I feel like we've been pushed together since we were kids. I mean let's face it if Fitz wasn't practically family you'd never let him be in my room or trust him with me. You certainly don't trust any other boys with me."

"No I don't but you're my baby sister I'm not supposed to trust any guys with you. And what about Jeff? He might only be here until Monday but he only lives an hour away, he does visit and Paige said you were eager to spend time with him when he arrived Friday night," I remark as the waiter brings our food.

"I do like Jeff, a lot and I don't know if I like him more than Fitz. I like them both very much but Jeff is different than Fitz and I haven't been pushed toward Jeff since I was kid. But since Jeff is in Guelph I don't think it will be much of a problem."

"I think any boy with you is a problem," I remark and Clare twists her mouth at me.

"You know you have to let me grow up at some point," she says and I shake my head.

We talk more over lunch, she tells me about her classes and that she's already thinking about college which is kind of a scary thought. When we finish lunch I realize Drew's already on shift at the cell phone kiosk so we decide to go over and see him.

"Hey what are you two doing here?" Drew questions as Clare puts her hand on the counter and hops up to sit on it.

"Spinner bought me new clothes and we had lunch, we thought we'd say hi before we go shopping for Thanksgiving," Clare tells him.

"Cool, it's been pretty slow today. Good luck at the grocery store I think everyone's there getting stuff for Thanksgiving," Drew replies.

"See you at home," Clare says leaning over to kiss Drew's cheek before she hops off the counter.

Clare and I go to the grocery store and it's kind of a nightmare, so many people here stocking up for Thanksgiving. But we get what we need and I drive us home. We get all the groceries in and then she brings in her new clothes. Bianca is home so of course Clare is showing off her new clothes. I get ready for work and then call that I'm leaving, Clare comes out and hugs me goodbye.

"Thanks for my new clothes, and lunch," Clare grins.

"Welcome. We should do it more often, I gotta get going I'll see you later," I tell her kissing her forehead.

I leave with a smile and maybe with just the tiniest bit of better understanding for my sister.

**(FITZ)**

"You're both here," I smile when I see Sean and Emma in the waiting room on Saturday.

"Of course we are," Emma smiles.

"We saw the headmaster and he said you're doing really great and he's sure you'll be released on Monday. Which means you'll be home for Thanksgiving," Sean tells me.

"Good I've been doing everything possible to get out of here and this time I'm going to stay out of here."

"With Mom gone I believe you can really do it. She won't be draining us anymore."

"You heard anything about her?" I ask.

"No they don't let you have any contact for thirty days; they only call you if something happens. All we can do is hope for the best," Sean remarks.

They stay for a short time but it's Thanksgiving weekend so there are a lot of visitors. There's always more visitors on holiday weekends because people have family in town. So anyone who has regular visitors is only given fifteen minutes. Anyway I'm getting out of here in a couple of days. I hug Sean and Emma goodbye and return to my room. We only have chores on the weekend and the rest is free time. I go to the rec room with Cliff and Elias and we play pool until dinner. Reese and his friends glare at me but don't do anything. He's really angry because I'm getting out. I spend the whole night thinking about Clare and dream about her that night.

"Fitz, Headmaster wants to see you," a guard tells me while I'm eating breakfast Sunday morning.

"Guess you aren't getting out of here so soon after all," Reese laughs as I get up from the table. I follow the guard to the headmaster's office and he shows me through the door.

"You wanted to see me Sir?"

"Yes Fitz please have a seat," he says and I sit down. "I just heard back from the board you're being let out, you go home tomorrow. I just spoke with your brother and his fiancé they will be here at nine tomorrow morning to pick you up. Congratulations Fitz you did really well I'm proud of you."

"Thank you Sir, don't take this the wrong way but I hope I never see you after tomorrow."

"I hope the same. You should go finish breakfast now," he tells me and I grin.

"What's up?" Elias asks when I get back.

"In less than twenty-four hours I'm out of here," I inform them with a big smile and keep my voice just loud enough for Reese and his buddies to hear. I give him a gloating smirk and he glowers at me.

We finish breakfast and then we have chores to do until lunch. After lunch it's all free time, I'm excited about leaving and I get all my stuff packed up. On Sunday nights we always have movies in the rec room so me and the guys go to check out the movie. They never show anything over a PG13 and nothing that shows too much sex because it gets the guys riled up.

"I'm going to take a shower," I comment halfway through the movie because I'm bored with the movie.

Elias nods and I go to my room getting undressed and grabbing my towel and shower shoes. I grab my shampoo and everything then walk to the communal washroom at the end of the hall. I turn on the shower and start washing up so I'll be good and clean tomorrow. I think it's great that I'm getting out just in time for Thanksgiving. We always have a big one at the Mason's house. I'm thinking about seeing Clare again when the lights go out in the washroom.

"Hey I'm in here," I call before a light is shined in my face.

"Kiss Clare for me tomorrow," Reese snarls before hitting me in the stomach.

I take a swing but it's dark and I've got lights being shined in my face so I can't see anything. I hit someone but it isn't Reese and he hits me again. Someone turns off the water and I get attacked, punched and kicked and I'm soon on the floor. I fight back but it's dark and I'm very outnumbered, after getting kicked in the head I go unconscious. I wake up some time later to an awful pain, at first in my wrist and then pretty much everywhere.

"Uggghh," I groan.

"Take it easy Fitz."

"Where am I?"

"The infirmary, Elias and Cliff found you. Eddie is going to take you to the hospital. Reese and his pals beat you up pretty good, they're all in solitary."

"Am I still getting out tomorrow?"

"Yeah we know it wasn't you that started the fight. You're still getting out Fitz don't worry and the headmaster called your brother he'll meet you at the hospital," he tells me while doing something to my wrist.

"What are you doing to my wrist?" I question.

"We think it's broken I'm wrapping it for the trip to the hospital."

"Cars ready," Eddie says coming in. He's one of the guards here he patrols my dorm so I know him pretty well.

They help me into a wheelchair and take me out to a car helping me in the car. Every movement of the car just makes me groan or hiss in pain. When we get to the hospital I'm helped by Eddie and an orderly into a wheelchair and then taken to a room. They help me onto the bed and I close my eyes just trying to breathe.

"Hey Buddy," Sean's voice says and I try to look at him but it's hard to see out of both eyes right now. "Emma's here too," Sean tells me.

"I hope those boys are going to pay for this. Look what they did to him and he was in the shower at the time, they attacked him when he was at his most vulnerable," Emma says to Eddie in an angry tone.

"Don't worry Ma'am they'll be dealt with. We have them all in solitary right now; they'll be severely punished including extra time on their sentences."

"Hello I'm Dr. Korman," an older guy says before looking me over. "We're going to take Fitz for x-rays first. One of you is the older brother?"

"Yeah that's me," Sean says.

"We'll need you to fill out some paperwork," the doc tells him as an orderly gets me into another wheelchair. They take x-rays of pretty much my whole body before taking me back to my room. I lie in the bed a while and eventually the doc comes back. "You have a fractured wrist and two cracked ribs, no head trauma that we can see but we're still going to keep you over night to be safe. You'll be able to go home tomorrow in time for Thanksgiving dinner. I'll be back in a few moments to tape your ribs and set your wrist," the doctor tells me before leaving.

"Fitz was going to be let out tomorrow anyway. I'll talk to the headmaster and see if I can just bring Fitz's stuff and the paperwork to the hospital for you in the morning," Eddie tells Sean and Emma. Sean says thanks and I hear Eddie leave.

"You'll be alright little bro and I'm happy to have you home for Thanksgiving. If Reese ever does get out I'm going to be there and I'm going to kill him," Sean declares.

**The update next Saturday will begin with Clare and Jeff earlier that day and include Thanksgiving.**


	21. Going Crazy in Your Room Again

**Jen your surprise, and a surprise for everyone, is in tonight's chapter. Of course I could slip one into tomorrow night's chapter just for the fun of it.**

**Ch. 21 Going Crazy in Your Room Again**

**(CLARE)**

"Jeff is here only here for the weekend and I want to spend some time with him tonight but Spinner and Drew will never let me. I just need to get away for a few hours," I plead with my twin.

"They're both at work tonight until closing, just be back by curfew okay?"

"I will," I nod.

"And be careful tonight," Adam tells me.

"Adam I'm always careful," I reply and he gives me a look before he leaves my room.

I send a text to Jeff that I can get away tonight. He sends a text back almost instantly that he'll pick me up at five. I spend the next couple of hours deciding what to wear. It's a big decision, what to wear on the night you're going to lose your virginity. I want to look good but not wear something too complicated or difficult to get off. What I wear under my clothes is even more important. The very last layer before I'm completely naked, he's seen my body before but tonight is different. I choose a red satin bra and a black G-string. I brush my hair but don't put makeup on as I imagine it will get rubbed or sweated off.

"Where are you off to?" Paige asks from the kitchen when I come out. Drew and Spin have already left for work.

"Out with Jeff, I'll be back by curfew and Jeff's only here for the weekend I want as much time with him as I can get."

"Have fun and be careful," Paige says just as I see Jeff pull up outside.

"I promise," I smile kissing her cheek before I run out the door to Jeff's car. He could have come to the door Paige and Bianca are the only ones home but I'm eager to get going.

"Hi," Jeff smiles when I get in the car.

"Hi," I grin as Jeff starts driving. "Where are we going?" I inquire when he gets on the freeway.

"My house, no one is there so we can be alone. It'll be more private than a hotel and cheaper too. Not that you aren't worth getting an expensive hotel suite for but…"

"No your house is perfect," I reply cutting him off and he smiles.

We don't talk much on the drive, I guess because I'm a little nervous but I know I want to do this. Jeff's house is a two story townhome, the house is dark but with no one home I expected it would be. We get out of the car and I follow Jeff to his front door and he unlocks it. He keeps the downstairs dark but takes my hand and pulls me upstairs and into a bedroom where he turns on the light. While he goes over and closes the curtain I look around his room. It's almost a mashup of all my brother's rooms. There's hockey and other sports posters up and on his shelves are sports trophies and medals, he also has music posters up and pictures of him, his family and friends. There's some dirty clothes on the floor but the bed has been made.

"Do you want music on?" Jeff asks.

"Yeah soft music might be nice," I nod and Jeff takes out his phone fiddling with it for a moment before putting it on a speaker and music begins playing.

"We don't have to do anything," Jeff says after a moment of me pacing his room.

"I want to, I want to do it tonight and with you," I tell him putting my arms around his neck and crushing our lips together.

We break the kiss to take off our coats, shoes and socks and then I get his shirt off. I love his chest; it's not quite as sculpted as Owen's chest but that boy does spend a huge amount of time working out. I run my fingers down Jeff's bare torso slowly painting over each muscle until I reach his jeans. I take his belt through the loops and drop it to the floor as I begin opening his jeans. When the fly on his jeans is open I slip my hand under the waistband of his boxers. I grin with a carnal delight as his eyes close, a rapturous result of my nails scratching through his pubic hair. When my fingertips caress the sensitive skin on his growing erection it evokes a moan from Jeff. I withdraw my hand after just a second and he whimpers a little, opening his eyes and they lock with mine.

"Your turn," he tells me gripping my purple sweater and pulling it over my head.

His smile grows a little when he sees my bra, his hands reach out and his fingers trace over my skin right at the bra line. My skin tingles at the gentle touch and I release a breath biting the corner of my lip. Jeff smiles softly kissing the top of each of my breasts tenderly and then he reaches around and unhooks my bra. He takes it off my arms and lets it drop to the floor, and then his fingers rest under my chin and he tips my head up before capturing my lips. I put one hand behind his neck, standing on my tiptoes and deepening the kiss. His tongue licks across my bottom lip and my mouth parts for him. His tongue glides in, wrapping around my tongue just as he picks me up. He lays me on the bed and breaks the kiss, standing up to rapidly divests himself of his jeans and boxers. Then he gets back on the bed and takes my black jeans by the pockets pulling them down my hips. He gets down at my feet gripping them by the legs and pulls my jeans off.

"These are sexy," he remarks looking at my G-string. He hooks two fingers into them and tugs them off dropping them to the floor. "Spread your legs, the more open and lubed you are the less it will hurt. I'm going to eat you out first," he tells me.

I smile and open my legs, Jeff gets between them sliding down and lifting my ass off the bed a bit with his hands. His tongue slips in, swirling around, flicking back forth, dragging along my core and exciting every nerve ending. My back arches, my hips buck and I grip into his hair steering his head to just the right places. I rapidly go from heavy breathing to an endless chain of moans, and Jeff's name dropping from my lips with each lasciviously blissful baited breath. And then when my body can no longer take it I explode, erupting with a scream of ecstasy and calling Jeff's name.

I'm still quivering and panting when he removes his tongue, I whimper at the loss and a moment later his tongue is replaced with his stiff erection. I gasp and my back arches up, I grip his shoulders tightly making a whimpering moan. There's a little bit of pain and my body tenses up but Jeff stops and kisses my chest and neck, his lips touch to mine softly and I release a breath. He starts moving again slowly I take a deep breath and relax and he begins sliding out.

What little pain there is soon subsides and I become nearly overwhelmed with pleasure when the pain is gone. My body succumbs to it, relaxing into the rapture and letting it overtake my mind and body. I'm no longer thinking merely going on pure instinct. My body moves and undulates, at first in it's own rhythm and then in tandem with Jeff's. My knees bend up and my back arches as high as it can go, I grab his arms and hold tightly. Jeff's movements and thrusting increase exponentially and the small tickling inside of me builds to a point where it's almost painful in a way. I become desperate to release and I'm not sure how long I can hold out. It becomes so desperate I feel that I might die if I don't release soon. Jeff and I reach our peeks at the same time, climaxing in carnal ecstasy and crying out in a rapturous release. Jeff slows down his movements before pulling out; I whimper slightly feeling suddenly empty at the loss. I emit a trembling whimper and curl up on my side.

"Are you okay?" Jeff asks lying on his side next to me with a hand on my arm.

"Yes I feel amazing I just need a moment," I reply breathlessly.

"I'll get you some water, take all the time you need," Jeff says kissing my shoulder tenderly before he gets out of bed and walks out of the room naked. He returns after a moment with a glass of water and I sit up to drink. "When you're ready we'll go grab some food before we head back. I think after that we both need some food," Jeff smiles as I finish the water.

"I'm good I think, although my legs are still shaking a bit. I am hungry however after that, starving actually."

"We still have time, your curfew isn't for over three hours yet," he comments getting on the bed and scooting back.

He sits back and I rollover leaning against him. We stay like that for some time before I feel like I can stand. I get dressed slowly, finding that I'm rather sore actually but it's not really painful. When we're both dressed we gather our things and leave his bedroom, he turns off his light but there are now lights downstairs. Now that I can see I look at all the pictures hanging in the hallway.

"Is this your sister?" I question pointing to a picture of him and a blonde girl; at least I'm hoping it's his sister and not a girlfriend. He told me about his sister in one of his first letters when I asked about his family. His sister Samantha is 19 and she took a year off after graduating last summer to go backpacking through Europe.

"Yep that's me and Samantha," Jeff smiles. I can see by the look in his eye that he really misses her.

Jeff turns out the lights and locks up his house again, we get in his car and he drives us to Hamburger Hippo, a burger joint with a safari theme which seems to be where most of the teenage population hangs out. It's like The Dot only bigger and with jungle animals painted on the walls. Jeff parks and I take his arm as we go inside. It's very full and quite warm inside so we take off our coats and Jeff hangs them up.

"Hey Jeff who's the girl?" A boy questions as he approaches us with his arm around a girl.

"Hang on is this Pretty Eyes from the letter? Did she write that smokin' hot letter we saw the other day?" Another boy inquires as he comes over.

"McPherson you got yourself a secret girlfriend?" Yet another boy inquires as he walks over.

"Clare this is Colby and his girlfriend Tish, and the mouthy one is Sebastian," Jeff tells me motioning to the first boy who spoke and has his arm around his girlfriend. Sebastian is the second boy who approached us and knows that Jeff calls me Pretty Eyes, and apparently about our letters. "And this is Dallas, he goes to Gordon, our team played his team last week. Guys this is Clare from Toronto, yes she wrote the letter you snatched from my locker."

"It's nice to meet you all," I smile.

"You too, you're as hot as your letters so what are the two of you doing here tonight?" Sebastian questions.

"We came to be alone, can't really be alone at my cousin's place and Clare has three brothers," Jeff tells them.

"And just what were you doing alone?" Dallas asks with a teasing tone.

"None of your damn business, we came to eat is there a table?" Jeff asks.

"No but you can eat with us, Dallas has been sitting with us too," Sebastian offers.

"I'll order us some food, sit down with the guys, and you three behave yourselves," Jeff warns them.

"I have three older brothers and grew up surrounded by guys I know how to handle myself with teenage guys," I tell Jeff and he grins.

"Don't worry they're easily tamed," Tish tells me with a smile.

Sebastian offers me his arm so I take it and follow them to the table. Everyone is already crowded around into one table but I'm able to get a seat. I'm introduced to everyone else at the table, most are from Jeff's school and their girlfriends, a few go to Gordon High with Dallas.

"I'm surprised kids from two rival schools, let alone hockey teams hang out. No one from DeGrassi would ever hang out with anyone from Bardell," I comment.

"Gordon and Dovercliff aren't really rival schools, we play against each other but most of us went to the same elementary and junior highs. Our true rival schools are on the other side of the city," Sebastian explains.

"So how do you know Jeff?" Dallas inquires.

"His cousin lives in Toronto we met at a bonfire this summer."

"So you met once this summer and you were writing letters that were so hot?" Sebastian asks.

"Well we spent more time together than just at the bonfire. Just how many of you saw that letter?" I ask.

"Only me, I took it from Jeff's locker and read just the first little bit to the guys. You write some steamy stuff," Sebastian tells me.

"Only writing letters was Jeff's idea and they didn't start out that hot."

"No but they got very hot which I believe was your idea," Jeff comments bringing over two drinks and two burgers with fries. There's no empty seats so I get up so he can sit down and then I sit on his lap.

"Yes it was and it's been very fun," I grin taking a fry.

"So you go to DeGrassi huh? I hear you guys have a good hockey team," Dallas remarks.

"Yeah we do one of my best friends has been MVP the last two years. Our season doesn't start for a while yet we're still on football," I reply as I begin eating.

Since I'm new and mysterious they start asking me more questions but Jeff tells them to knock it off. So they go back to talking about things with their schools or Guelph and not much that interests me.

"I have to get Clare back; I'll see you guys on Tuesday," Jeff comments when we're done eating and I get off his lap.

"It was good to meet you all," I smile at everyone.

"You should come back and hang out Clare, next time you and Jeff want to be alone," Sebastian grins winking at the two of us.

"Yeah give us a call next time you're in Guelph," Dallas tells me as he climbs his way out of the booth as well. "Gotta go pick up the kid," Dallas comments walking past us.

Jeff and I wave to his friends and grab our coats as we leave. We get back in his car and he begins driving back toward Toronto.

"Umm when Dallas said he had to pick up the kid did he mean his?" I question after we've been driving for a moment.

"Yeah when Dallas was 15 he was dating a girl named Vanessa and she got pregnant. Rocky will be three this coming June. They aren't together anymore but they're friendly for Rocky's sake. Dallas usually takes Rocky on the weekends."

"I have to say I think Jenna and K.C. made the right decision, they are not ready to raise a baby."

Jeff tells me a little more about his friends on the drive home and we pull up to my house a half hour before my curfew.

"Tonight was great, everything I wanted it to be and it was nice to meet some of your friends and get a peek into your life," I grin.

"Tonight was amazing," Jeff grins combing his fingers into my hair and when his hand is at the back of my head he brings our lips together for a kiss. I part my lips for him and our tongues join together, I grip his shirt and deepen the kiss. Our lips part after a couple of moments and we both release a breath. "I have family dinner tomorrow and I know you do too. We have to go home tomorrow evening but I'll try to stop by and say goodbye before we leave."

I smile and give him one last kiss before I get out of the car. I unlock the door and find Paige, Drew, Bianca, Adam, Maya, Johnny and Jay in the living room.

"How was your date with Jeff?" Adam inquires as I hang up my coat.

"You were with Jeff?" Drew questions with clenched teeth.

"Don't start Drew Paige knew I was out with Jeff and she gave me permission. I had a wonderful time," I reply walking back to my room and trying to hide that I'm sore.

I get in a hot bath and then go to bed I'm actually very tired. I sleep through the night and wake up to Spinner's hollering for us to get up the next morning. I get up, put on my robe and open my door walking towards the washroom, I'm even more sore this morning and Drew notices. He grabs my arm and pulls me back into my room with a stern look.

"Why are you walking funny?"

"I pulled a muscle," I reply.

"How?" Drew inquires pinching his eyebrows together.

"Andrew," I huff with annoyance.

"Don't Andrew me you're my baby sister and I know that walk, Bianca walked like that after we…" Drew pauses as the realization hits him and his face goes from concern to horror. "Holy crap you lo…" he begins to exclaim and I clamp my hand over his mouth.

"Don't say it; if you even whisper it the whole house will come running in. If I wanted anyone to know I would have talked to Adam about it. I might be your baby sister but I'm not a baby, I'm exactly the same age as Adam and you don't treat him like this. If you found out he'd lost his virginity you'd be congratulating him right now. You might be my big brother but you know absolutely nothing about me. You've never even tried; you get all your information from Adam and have boys like Owen spy on me because you don't trust that I can handle myself. If you say one word to anyone what I was doing last night before I'm ready to tell them I will never talk to you again or forgive you," I inform my brother and take my hand from his mouth as I leave my room.

I finally go to the washroom and when I get back to my room Drew is no longer in it. Since my other brothers aren't in my room and no one is yelling Drew didn't say anything. I get dressed and go out to the kitchen, ignoring Drew as we all grab some breakfast. After breakfast Drew, Bianca and Johnny who slept over, go to the living room and turn on the TV. The rest of us stay in the kitchen and start making dinner. Spin begins preparing the turkey, pulling out the guts and other gross stuff like that. Paige is getting the basting ready and heating the oven. Adam, Maya and I begin with prepping vegetables. Jenna, K.C and Lisa arrive with more food and Lisa comes into the kitchen to help so Spin and Adam go out to the living room to watch the game. Jay arrives next, he brought drinks and rolls and he stays out of the kitchen. Lucas is next and the Fitzgeralds, including Emma, are the only ones we're waiting for. I spend the whole day in the kitchen and Drew spends the whole day in the living room so we don't talk or even look at each other for most of the day.

"We're here," Sean calls opening the door. I wipe my hands on a towel and go out to the living room to greet them. Sean walks through the door and then Emma helps Fitz in. His wrist is in a cast, his left eye is black, his cheek is bruised, he's got another on his forehead and he's moving very slowly.

"Mark!" I gasp when I see him and it's not because he's out of juvie so soon it's because he's been very badly beaten. "What happened?"

"Reese and his friends jumped me in the shower last night because they knew I was getting out," Fitz tells me with a pained breath as Emma helps Fitz to sit in the armchair.

"Reese did this? He did this because of me he didn't he?"

"I'm fine Clare," Fitz says.

"I knew it, I knew something would happen with both of you there at the same time," I reply storming off to my room to get my coat.

"Clare what are you doing?" Adam questions following me to my room.

"I'm going to TJCS to tell Reese that he's a psychopathic creep and to leave me and my friends alone a…"

"Stop," Adam cuts me off, "even if you going to TJCS to talk to Reese was a good idea, which it's not it's a terrible idea, they would never let you in."

"They don't have to let me in I'll go out to the yard like I did last time."

"Like you what? When did you do that?" Adam inquires.

"Just after Fitz was sent there I went to see him to figure some things out. I took the bus and walked the rest of the way. I talked to him through the fence," I inform Adam.

"Okay for Fitz I understand but there is no way you're doing that now and if I even suspect you're thinking of it I will tell Spin. Reese is an obsessed psychopath and when he gets out of juvie he will not get anywhere near you or any of the rest of us. Fitz has been beaten up before, he'll heal and be okay and if it meant keeping Reese from you I know Fitz would take another beating from Reese."

"But he didn't take a beating to keep Reese from me," I sigh sitting down on my bed and Adam sits next to me. "Reese and his friends jumped Fitz in the shower and beat the crap out of him because…because Reese is an angry psychopath. And while Fitz was getting beat up I was with Jeff."

"You can't feel guilty for being with Jeff last night you didn't know what was happening with Fitz and you couldn't have been with Fitz last night even if you hadn't been with Jeff. Why don't you take off your coat and come back out?"

"I need a minute," I tell my brother.

He nods and leaves my room and I lie back on my bed. I lie back and close my eyes trying to sort out the swirling of emotions inside. While I'm caught up in my storm of guilt and conflict there's a knock on my window. I get up and open the window and Jeff comes in, he sees me in my coat and cocks an eyebrow.

"Going somewhere?" He inquires.

"Not anymore," I reply taking off my coat.

"I'm supposed to be picking up ice cream but I came to say goodbye, we'll be leaving after dinner I won't have another chance to come and say goodbye and I don't know when I'll see you again. But this time we'll exchange numbers and e-mails. Maybe I can come up for a weekend and stay with Anya," Jeff says leaning in to kiss me and I turn my head. "What's the matter? Are you regretting last night?"

"No it's not that last night was wonderful, everything I wanted."

"Then what's wrong?"

"Fitz got out of juvie but he got jumped last night by Reese and his friends. He's been badly beaten."

"I'm sorry to hear that," Jeff says.

"He was beaten last night while we were well you know, and I was shocked to see him back and beaten up. There's just a lot on my mind right now, Fitz just came a few moments ago."

"I'm sorry bad timing," Jeff apologizes sheepishly.

"It's alright you had no way of knowing and I'm glad you stopped by to say goodbye before you left," I smile and grip his shirt pulling him to me for a sizzling goodbye kiss.

**(DREW)**

Fitz comes in and my sister looks like she might pass out. But I don't think it's because she lost her virginity to Jeff last night and is now seeing Fitz. I think it's because he's been beat to shit. Fitz tells us Reese and his friends beat him up and Clare goes a little green and then gets angry storming back to her room. Adam follows her; he's back there with her for a few moments and then he comes out again.

"Where's Clare?" Fitz asks.

"She'll be out in a minute," Adam replies.

A minute turns into half an hour but Clare does finally emerge from her room, just as Jay, Sean, Johnny and I are setting up the tables in the living room so we can all eat. She walks right past me without even a glance at me and over to the kitchen. We get the tables set up, the tablecloths on and the table set. Fitz starts to get up from the armchair on his own until Emma helps him up. Clare brings out the roasted vegetables and sits at the end of the table next to Adam. We go around the table and say what we're thankful for.

"It's good to have you back Fitz, we're all happy you got released so quickly," Paige tells him as we begin eating.

"Yeah man it just sucks that you got beat up right before getting out," I comment and notice my sister turn her head away.

"Reese knew I was getting out but they're all spending the next month in solitary. I'm just glad to be out; cracked ribs and a fractured wrist aren't much. Anyway I'm out and I'm never going back," Fitz says.

"Now that we aren't taking care of mom it will be a lot easier for you to stay out of trouble," Sean comments.

"Will you be coming to school tomorrow?" Adam questions.

"No I gotta stay home a couple of days and rest," Fitz replies.

"I'm taking a couple of days off to take care of him," Sean says.

The only people not at the dinner are Zig who's eating with his family and Owen and Tris who are eating with their family, so we have a very full table. There's about seven different conversations happening depending on where people are sitting at the table. Everyone is taking part in at least one conversation, everyone except for Clare, she's hardly even eating. Even Fitz is talking and eating and he has two cracked ribs. Clare is just sort of looking at her plate and every few moments she takes a bite. Adam notices too and whispers something to her and she begins eating a little more. She still doesn't finish her plate and she gets up to start clearing dishes as soon as she's done.

"Last time I was watching Clare like that she had nearly been raped by Reese," Spin whispers to me as he sits down next to me. "So what's up? Something I should know about?"

"No," I shake my head. I'm sure if I tell him Clare will go ballistic and would not speak to either of us for a very long time. "No we just got into a fight earlier," I reply.

"A fight about what?"

"The usual, she was angry at me for being concerned."

"You know I spent some time with her Saturday and got to know her a little better. Maybe you need some time alone with her; I don't think she truly trusts either one of us completely. Which is probably why she never tells us anything and barely talks to us," Spinner comments.

"Yeah great so how do I convince her to do anything with me seeing as she'll barely talk to me?"

"I'll talk to her, you have next weekend off don't you?"

"Yeah," I nod.

"Maybe you should go camping before it gets too cold, if it's just the two of you she'll be forced to talk to you," Spinner says and then moves when Paige brings out dessert.

"So you'll be healed up in time for wrestling won't you Fitz?" Jay inquires. Fitz is one of the best wrestlers on the team and it's the only sport he ever gets involved with. Of course wrestling season doesn't start until February.

"Yeah I'll be all healed up in a few weeks," Fitz nods.

"I'm not feeling well can I be excused?" Clare requests after dragging her fork through her pie.

"You alright?" Spinner asks.

"Yeah I just have a headache and I want to lie down," she says.

"Go ahead Clare," Paige answers.

Clare gets up from the table and walks over to Fitz, leaning over to kiss his temple where he isn't bruised, "I'm glad you're out."

"Me too, feel better," Fitz tells her and then Clare retreats to her room.

After dessert and coffee everyone helps to clean up and then people begin to leave. Sean, Emma and Fitz leave first so he can go home and rest. Lucas leaves next since he actually works tonight. By nine the only people still here are the ones that actually live here full time.

"I know we were planning to spend next weekend together but Spin thinks it would be a good idea for me to spend some time with Clare. Assuming he convinces her to I'm going to take her camping next weekend," I tell Bianca when we're in bed together.

"I agree you do need to spend some time with Clare, I noticed how she avoided you all day. You know now that Fitz is back I think she won't be having fun with Owen anymore," Bianca remarks.

"It's not Owen I'm worried about," I sigh.

"Did something happen?"

"I promised I wouldn't say anything, I didn't however promise not to kill Jeff the next time I saw him."

"Enough talk about your sister, Johnny's birthday is next month we should get him something. You work tomorrow I can come by and we can go shopping together," Bianca says.

"I actually know what Johnny wants, I saw him looking at it last time he was at the mall."

"What he needs is a girlfriend; he hasn't had an actual girlfriend in over a year."

**No cliffhanger ending, this is also the last update until January. Next Saturday I will not be able to write and next Sunday begins one shot month which is directly followed by Short Story month. There is still a lot to look forward to in this story including: Johnny, Owen and Lucas getting love interests, Jay gets some life altering news, Sean and Emma's wedding, the birth of Jenna's baby and much much more.**


	22. Still Waters Rising in My Mind

**Welcome back! I don't know about you all but I missed these stories. Two months is a long time without the long stories which is why One Shot Month will be in September this year. Short Story Month will still be in July and December. Since I didn't get around to Christmas shots in December I will probably do a Christmas themed One Shot Week at the end of June or beginning of July.**

**In case you didn't notice the list on my profile page got a bit longer as I was actually able to do some plotting during the break. A lot of which were requests from my wonderful readers.**

**Now onto tonight's story! Unlike the rest of the long stories returning this week I am not going to recap this one. Why? Well because there's just too damn much to recap.**

**Anyway I hope you enjoy tonight's chapter.**

**Ch. 22 Still Waters Rising in My Mind**

**(CLARE)**

I couldn't sleep last night; every time I fell asleep I was disturbed by agonizing dreams. Because I couldn't sleep I'm up with the sun, I go out to the kitchen and make coffee. I can't sit still though, my mind is racing and I feel like I need air. So I leave a note that I went to school and leave the house. I walk slowly to school diverting through the ravine and going to the bonfire lot where all the "bad" kids from DeGrassi hang out. Since it was Thanksgiving last night and it's rather early the ravine is pretty empty. I sit down on the torn out back car seat and stare at the empty fire pit until my cell rings. I look at the display and see that it's Spin so I answer before he gets everyone out searching for me.

"Hi Spin."

"Where are you?"

"I came to school," I reply.

"No I'm at the school and it's closed and I do not see you."

"I'm at the ravine; it's close to the school."

"I'm going to work come and get breakfast," Spinner tells me.

"I'm not hungry."

"That wasn't a request, I expect you at The Dot in ten minutes."

He hangs up and I sigh, putting my phone in my backpack I stand up and walk to The Dot. It's not open yet as it's only 5:30 but I go to the back and Spinner lets me in. He gives me coffee and a freshly baked muffin while he begins opening procedures.

"Doesn't look like you slept," he comments after opening the curtains.

"I didn't," I reply.

"Reese and his friends jumping Fitz was not your fault Clare," Spinner says hugging me from the side.

"Yes it was. If Reese didn't like me, if I didn't have feelings for Fitz, if I'd never broken up with Reese, if…"

"Clare stop, Reese is crazy and so are his friends. He beat up Fitz to make himself feel big, the only thing I want you to worry about is what happens when Reese gets out. Right now I gotta open, the school should be open and Drew should be there for football practice if you want to go to school. You know you're welcome to hang out here until it's time for school," Spin tells me.

"I'll go to school, thanks for breakfast big brother," I grin kissing his cheek.

"Okay, hey don't make plans this weekend you're going camping with Drew," Spinner tells me.

"What? Why am I being punished?"

"It's not a punishment Clare you're spending time with your brother."

"Alone in the woods with Drew for a weekend sounds like a punishment to me. Why not send Bianca they'd love to be alone in the woods for the weekend," I retort.

"Get to school," Spinner demands shooting me a look.

Spin opens the front and I go out the back. I walk to school and watch the guys at football practice for a few minutes before going inside. I sit in the memorial garden and play on my phone but soon the lack of sleep begins to wear on me. I drift to sleep without realizing it and wakeup to a soft kiss; my eyes shoot open as I was just dreaming about Reese. In the haze of my sleep deprivation and being awoken in the midst of my dream about Reese I see him for a moment. I gasp and push him away but my eyes focus and I see Owen standing in front of me not Reese.

"Sorry didn't mean to scare you; did you get any sleep last night?" Owen asks as I sit up.

"It's okay you just woke me in the middle of a dream and no not really," I yawn.

"I heard Fitz is out of juvie," Owen comments.

"Yeah and Reese beat him up."

"Yeah I heard that too but Fitz'll be back at school on Thursday," Owen says.

"I need to go to my locker," I tell Owen excusing myself and walk out of the garden. I'm trying to avoid the subject of Fitz or Reese but Owen follows me.

When I get to my locker Adam is at his with Maya. He sees that I haven't slept but he doesn't say anything. School seems to drag on and it's hard to concentrate. When school finally lets out I ride home with Bianca and go to my room, I fall asleep as soon as I lie down on my bed. I sleep for three hours and only wake up because boys are loud and several of them are in my house.

"Feel better after getting some sleep?" Drew asks cautiously. Since my confrontation with him yesterday morning we've pretty much been avoiding each other.

"Yeah a little," I nod.

"Dinner will be ready in a few minutes," Drew says.

"I'm not hungry I want to go see Fitz," I reply.

"You want a ride?" Drew offers.

"No I'll walk it's only a couple of blocks."

"Spin and Paige are eating out tonight but they'll be home by ten. Call if you need a ride," Drew tells me.

I say I will and leave the house. It's just starting to become dusk, the late evening is still pretty warm and it's an easy walk to the Fitzgerald house. I knock on the door, Emma answers and smiles at me as she lets me in.

"Fitz is resting in bed, we were just about to have dinner if you're hungry," Emma offers.

"No thanks I just came to see how Fitz is," I reply before walking back to his room.

"Hey," he grins when I come in.

"Hi, I wanted to see how you are," I tell him wincing at the sight of his face. I didn't see him much last night or look at him much I didn't remember how bad it was.

"I'm fine and I'll be back at school on Thursday. Really Clare I'm okay I've had worse don't worry about me," he insists.

"But I knew something would happen with both of you in there. I knew it and then Sunday night after I lo…" I pause before I spill what I was doing Sunday, "Reese was attacking you. Attacking you because he's angry at me and he's thinks he owns me."

"Because he's psychotic but he's also in juvie for the next several weeks so don't worry about Reese right now. I have some cracked ribs and bruises and a fractured wrist and I've had worse. Don't blame yourself for Reese being an egotistical psycho and thinking that beating me up would keep me away from you or threaten anyone."

"I should go Emma said you guys were about to eat. I'll see you at school on Thursday," I tell him kissing his cheek before quickly leaving his room.

I say a hasty goodnight to Emma and Sean and leave the house. I start walking home but when a car pulls up next to me I look over. I recognize the four guys in the car from school; one of them was on the hockey team with Owen last year.

"Hey Clare you want to come to a party?" One of them offers.

I don't even think about it just walk to the car, one of the guys in the back gets out and I get in the middle. He gets back in the car and it begins driving again. It doesn't even occur to me to be worried about where we're going or what they might do. It doesn't occur to me because they go to my school and they all know my brothers, and my brother's friends and what my brothers and our friends will do if something happens to me.

The party is at Keith's house, he's a senior and on the lacrosse and wrestling team. I walk in with the four boys I came with; as soon as we're out of the car the driver puts his arm around me. As soon as he sees Lucas at the party he takes his arm away. Lucas appears to be the only one here who will pay any attention to what I'm doing and Lucas hasn't seen me yet so I plan to keep it that way. I duck into the kitchen and find the wet bar. I grab a bottle of black cherry vodka and go outside sitting on a bench as I begin drinking the whole bottle.

"Who wants to play Stripster?" Some guy calls as he walks outside with another boy.

"I'll play," I smile holding up the half empty bottle of vodka. Stripster is just Twister with different rules so while they get the mat set up I chug a few more sips of the vodka.

"We're ready but you'll have to leave the bottle here," a boy tells me helping me up from my seat and taking the bottle from me. "Aren't you the Drew's sister?" He asks.

"That's me," I giggle.

"You'll be playing with me, Darin and Valerie," the boy tells me. I recognize him from the hockey team but can't recall his name just now.

"Okaely-Dokely hockey boy," I giggle.

"It's Vaughn," he tells me walking me over to the mat.

"Everyone get your shoes off," says the boy in charge of the spinner thing. The other 3 bend over or sit down to get their shoes off but I kick my flats off. "Okay right hand green."

I see a green dot, even though it's moving, and bend down putting my right hand on it. Half the dots have an X through them meaning they are out of play. Vaughn doesn't have his right hand on green so he's penalized by losing his shirt. Next is left leg on red, Darin misses that one and loses a sock. Next he calls left leg blue I try to make it to blue but the others get the open dots first and I fall on my butt knocking Vaughn down with me.

"Clare missed and went down I think her top and pants should come off for that one," says Vaughn who I'm still lying on top of.

"I think you just want to get me naked," I comment and have yet to move off of him.

"I'd like to see you naked," Darin remarks from behind us.

"Darin get her arms, I'll get her pants off and you get her top off," Vaughn instructs.

Valerie and Darin help me sit up and then Darin gets my top off. As soon as my shirt is off Vaughn unzips my jeans and starts pulling them off. While he's doing that Darin starts kissing my neck which I find it hilarious at the moment.

"HEY WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH HER?!" Lucas yells making Darin and Vaughn jump and back away from me.

"Lucas why are there two of you and why are the two of you dressed differently?" I laugh feeling the effects of that half bottle of vodka I've had.

"Because there's only one of me the other one is Owen," Lucas replies.

"You two look the same when I'm this drunk," I comment as I start trying to wriggle out of my jeans since Vaughn stopped pulling them down at my knees.

**(OWEN)**

"Then don't be this drunk," I tell her moving Vaughn away from her and pulling Clare up.

"Hey she wanted to play Stripster," Vaughn complains as I toss Clare over my shoulder.

"She's drunk and you're lucky you aren't dead," Lucas growls and then he tosses Clare's shirt to me. I catch it and take Clare inside whisking her into a bedroom and locking the door.

"Owen you naughty boy if all you wanted was me naked in a bedroom you should have said something when you got here," she laughs.

"I didn't know you were here until I saw them undressing you," I reply setting her down. "Your brothers have no idea where you are do they?" I question. Instead of replying she circles her arms around my neck and smashes her lips to mine. She tugs at my bottom lip and I start to open my mouth but then come to my senses and pull out of the kiss. "This is isn't right, you are very drunk and I can't do this anymore. It was fun and you are sexy but this isn't right. Besides I think you have your hands full enough with Fitz and Jeff," I tell her as I pull her jeans up her legs. I try to zip them up but she pushes me away.

"If I was so much fun then why don't you want to make love to me?" Clare pouts.

"I didn't say I didn't want to but I'm not taking your virginity and definitely not while you're so drunk," I assert.

"I'm not a virgin anymore so you wouldn't be taking not a thing," she responds reaching back to take off her bra.

"When and with who?" I demand grabbing her hands so she won't take off her bra. As much as I'd love to see her beautiful breasts they will be too distracting and I won't be able to think sensibly.

"Sunday with Jeff," she informs me, "I was making love to Jeff and Reese was beating Fitz."

"Is that why you got so drunk? Fitz will be okay and it was not your fault. Get dressed I'm taking you home," I inform her.

"It is my fault Reese thinks I'm his and he beat up Fitz so he'd stay away. I knew something would happen with both of them in juvie school together, I knew it was going to end badly. I didn't even once think about Fitz last weekend, Jeff was here and he was all I cared about," she says tossing her shirt back at me.

"Reese is a possessive moron and nothing would keep Fitz away from you. It's not your fault that Reese is a prick or that Fitz got beat up. Thinking about Fitz this weekend would not have kept Reese and his idiot cronies from beating up Fitz. Now get dressed dammit so I can take you home," I command tossing her shirt back at Clare.

"No I don't want to go home," she pouts throwing the shirt back at me.

"You know you turn into a child when you're this drunk on whatever you drank," I remark taking her shirt and sitting on the bed so I can get her dressed.

"Half a bottle of black cherry vodka and I'm not getting dressed," she shakes her head twisting away from me while I try to get her shirt on over her head. "No, no clothes bad Owen," she says and then slaps me across the face. She actually hits me pretty hard.

"Okay you want to play rough we'll play rough then," I comment. I grab her and quickly turn her over.

"Hey what are you doing?" She whines.

I get her on her back and pull her arms behind her, sitting on her back to pin her in place. I take off my DeGrassi letterman's jacket and zip it up before pulling it over her head. I grab her shirt, pick Clare up and toss her over my shoulder again before leaving the room.

"Own put me down you big brute," she shrieks trying to kick me but I have her legs pinned down. Her arms are pinned in my jacket so she can't really do much of anything. I ignore her and look around for Lucas spotting him back inside and flirting with a cheerleader.

"I'm taking her home, see you if you can find her shoes before you leave," I tell Lucas.

"No I want to stay at the party," Clare complains with a whining tone as she tries to wriggle free.

"Hush," I respond and spank her.

"Hey! I'm telling my brothers," she says and blows a raspberry at me. Then she keeps blowing raspberries to the tune of "Itsy Bitsy Spider" which is actually kind of funny.

"Get her home I'll see if I can find her shoes," Lucas nods.

Clare argues about staying at the party all the way to my car, I get her in and buckle her so that the seat belt is over the coat and she's locked in tight. Then I get in and make the short drive to her house.

"You're no fun," she glowers when I pull up to her house.

"I'm not trying to be fun I'm trying to be practical and keep me or your brothers from needing to murder anyone," I reply as I get out.

I go around to the passenger side getting her out of the car and tossing her over my shoulder again. I walk up the path and through the front door, Drew is in the living room watching TV with Bianca and they both arch their eyebrows at me when I walk in.

"Do I want to know?" Drew questions.

"Probably not," I reply putting Clare down.

"Come on Clare I'll help you get ready for bed," Bianca tells her getting up.

"Drew he spanked me," Clare says before sticking her tongue out at me.

"I get the feeling you deserved it," Drew counters and she sticks her tongue out at him.

"Come on Clare let's go get ready for bed and you can tell me all about how mean Owen was tonight," Bianca says indulging Clare and the two girls go down the hall.

"So how bad was it? I'm assuming she didn't get that drunk at Fitz's place," Drew comments.

"No she didn't found her at Keith's party. Lucas was there too and we found her out back playing Stripster with Vaughn from the hockey team and Darin from our chemistry class."

"So two people need to die tomorrow," Drew says with gritted teeth.

"Yep and they were both undressing her when we found her. They had her shirt off and were getting her pants off. She drank half a bottle of flavored vodka so she was just giggling. Here's her shirt," I say taking it from my pocket. "Did you know she had sex with Jeff on Sunday?"

"I figured out she'd lost her virginity when she was walking funny yesterday morning. She bit my head off for being concerned and I didn't get any details like who it was. At least it was someone she likes," Drew sort of sighs.

"I have a feeling if it wasn't and she'd been forced you would have heard about it from her. Anyway she's home, I should probably get home too I have to be up early tomorrow."

"What for there's no football practice," Drew replies.

"No hockey tryouts, don't say anything but DeGrassi acquired a junior pro hockey team. They're recruiting from all over Canada so I have to tryout for the new coach. I was the only one asked from the school team."

"Awesome I'm sure you'll make it you've been MVP the last two years," Drew says.

"Thanks, look don't go too hard on her it was stupid but she's pretty upset over Fitz and she's blaming herself. Pretty sure that's why she was there and why she chugged a half bottle of vodka."

"Yep sounds like my sister. Thanks for getting her home Owen."

I smile and say goodnight going back out to my car. I had intended to go to the party tonight, drink a beer at most and just hang out with my friends to bolster my confidence for tomorrow morning. Instead I was wrestling with Clare and keeping her from being any more stupid. So now I go home and get some sleep but I am feeling pretty confident about the tryout tomorrow.

**(FITZ)**

"Take it easy today little bro," Sean tells me as he pulls up to DeGrassi Thursday morning. "If you don't feel well or you're in too much pain go to the nurse. Simpson will let me, Emma, Jay, Spin, Paige, Lucas or Johnny to pick you up."

"I'll be okay," I assure my brother.

"I'm off at 6 and I'll pick you up from the Mason's."

I nod and grab my backpack from the back waving to Sean as he drives away. I start walking to the steps when someone runs over to me and takes my backpack. I look over to see Owen and Tris, they both grin at me the same way. They look nothing alike but there are times when you can tell they're brothers.

"You shouldn't be carrying your books," Owen says.

"Thanks," I smile.

"So happy to be back at school?" Owen asks.

"Happy to be out of TJCS but I've never been fond of school. Of course it has it's perks," I smile when we walk through the doors and I see Clare with Jenna and K.C. on the steps.

"Hey Fitz welcome back," Jenna grins getting up to hug me and I'm able to feel her pregnant belly when she hugs me.

"Thanks you got bigger in the last few weeks," I comment.

"Yeah 15 weeks already," she says.

"Welcome back Buddy," K.C. says before giving me a hug.

"Hi Fitz," Clare smiles softly but doesn't move from where she was sitting. She doesn't get up to hug me or anything.

"Morning Clare," I grin at her but she looks at her hands.

"Excuse me I need to go find Adam," Clare says getting up quickly and rushing down the hall.

"That was weird," Tris remarks as we all watch Clare disappear around the corner.

"Hey Tris," his boyfriends call to him and Tris leaves us to be with Riley and Zane.

"I'm hungry again," Jenna says.

"That kids sure eats a lot, you had a huge breakfast less than an hour ago," K.C. responds putting his arm around her and they walk off toward the caf.

"I guess I should get to my locker," I remark when everyone else is gone.

"Yeah me too," Owen nods and we begin walking to our lockers. I'm still moving pretty slowly because of the cracked ribs.

"So what's with Clare? She couldn't seem to get away fast enough and she did the same thing at Thanksgiving dinner, and Tuesday night when she came to see me," I tell him.

"Don't worry about it she feels guilty on account of Reese beatin' up that pretty face of yours," Owen replies with a slightly sarcastic tone and impish smile.

"Is that it? I told her I was fine and it wasn't her fault."

"Yeah well she…" Owen pauses as he's opening my locker and I cock an eyebrow. "She's stubborn, you know that. She'll stop feeling guilty about it don't worry."

I nod and Owen gets my books. I lean against the lockers as he gets his books and then he walks me to homeroom setting my backpack on the desk. Miss Dawes already got the work I did at TJCS and she tells me what the class is working on. Drew comes in after the bell rings and smiles at me. Drew welcomes me back and the late bell rings then Miss Dawes begins class. Since Drew and I have 2nd period together he takes my backpack, I swear Sean called everyone and told them not to let me carry my backpack. When the lunch bell rings we stash our backpacks in our lockers and go out to the football bleachers to eat. Tris isn't here but he's probably eating with Riley and Zane, the only other person missing is Clare.

"Where's Clare?" Drew asks the same thing I'm wondering.

"She's working on an extra credit project in the library," Adam says slowly so that I know he's lying.

"Right," I comment rolling my eyes. I sit down, Owen hands me a sandwich and I start to eat but I'm not hungry I'm just thinking about Clare. "I'll be back," I tell them getting up.

I go to the library but she's not in there, I find Tris, Riley and Zane in the caf and they tell me she's out back. So I go out to the back and find her at the lacrosse field watching some of the players practice. She doesn't know I'm there until I put my hand on her shoulder. She jumps slightly, looks at me, smiles and bites her lip then looks away from me.

"Clare look at me," I insist sitting down next to her and she looks up at me. "This wasn't your fault you shouldn't feel guilty," I assert pointing to the bruises on my face.

"Yes it is Reese wouldn't have a reason to beat you up if I'd never gotten involved with him. He hurt you because of me and…" she stops suddenly and looks away again a lot like Owen did earlier. They both seem to be keeping something from me. "It is my fault and every time I see how hurt you are I feel awful," she says after a few seconds.

"But you shouldn't Clare it's not that bad and it was Reese's decision to beat me up. He did it for his own idiotic reasons; he knew nothing would keep me away from you. It's not your fault but the way you're avoiding me makes me feel a lot worse than a few bruises."

"I'm sorry I don't mean to be avoiding you or making you feel bad. I am glad you're out," she tells me and then turns her head pressing her lips to mine. She doesn't pull out of the kiss; she grips the back of my neck and deepens the kiss as I start kissing her back. After a long time she pulls out of the kiss for a breath.

"Do you want to go eat with everyone else?" I ask her.

"No I'm not really hungry, let's stay here alone. Unless you're hungry then I can go get you something," she offers.

"No I'm fine, more than happy to just be here with you," I smile putting my arm around her. She puts her head on my shoulder and reaches up taking my hand and we stay like that until the bell rings.

"I have to go camping with Drew this weekend," Clare huffs when we're inside, "Spinner swears it's not a punishment but says I need to spend some time alone with Drew."

"You don't like spending time with Drew?"

"Honestly I've never really spent that much time alone with him. Some at the house but usually watching TV or eating, or when he's given me rides places and stuff but never two days and a night in the woods just the two of us. Anyway I'm busy this weekend but maybe next weekend we can do something? Alone together," she says.

"You mean you want to go on a date?"

"Yeah a date, just us and my brothers actually trust you so they won't object."

"Next weekend then, I'll think of something good."

"I'll see you next period," she replies with a gently smile then she gives me a soft kiss before walking off.

"How was lunch with Clare?" Owen asks when I get to auto shop.

"Good once I got her to stop thinking it was her fault. I got the feeling she was holding something back from me though. I got the same feeling from you earlier so what are you not telling me?"

"She spent a lot of time with Jeff when you were locked up, they got pretty close," Owen informs me.

"Oh," I breathe out.

"Don't worry about it man he lives in Guelph they've been writing letters and stuff and he was here for Thanksgiving that's it really," Owen assures me putting a hand on my shoulder.

"Yeah sure. And you and her?"

"Just hookups, I spent a few nights in her room we didn't go very far really. She was mostly doing it to piss Drew off," Owen replies but does look a little guilty.

"What was pissing me off?" Drew asks coming over to us.

"Me and Clare hooking up," Owen replies.

"Hey at least you were keeping her from other guys, for the most part anyway," Drew shrugs.

Class starts and we stop talking. I can't do too much because it still hurts to move. We all have media studies next and walk there together; stopping at my locker to get my backpack which Owen carries.

"Sit here Fitz," Clare insists reaching over the table to take my backpack from Owen.

I go around the table and sit down next to her; she reaches over and takes my hand under the table. She holds my hand all through class. When school is over I ride in Bianca's car with Clare, Maya and Adam back to the Mason house.

"I'm going to take a shower," Bianca says as soon as we walk in the door.

"Let's do homework in my room Fitz I can help you," Clare says taking my hand and pulling me back to her room.

I lie on her bed and get out my homework; she sits next to me and gets out hers. I stay that way for a while but when I feel my stomach grumble because I'm hungry I start to get up.

"What are you doing?" Clare asks.

"I'm hungry."

"I'll get you a snack? What do you want?"

"I can get it Clare, I should get up and move a little anyway or I'll get too stiff," I assert and get off the bed.

Adam is in the living room when I get out there but I don't see Maya so she must be in the washroom. Owen, Drew and K.C. are still at football and Jenna is out with Caitlin. Bianca got out of the shower a while ago and the door to her and Drew's room was closed so she's in there. I start getting a snack from the kitchen when Adam comes in.

"What's with your sister?" I inquire.

"You'll need to be a little more specific," Adam replies.

"Well since I got out she's barely been able to look at me because she blamed herself for what Reese did. And now, not that I'm complaining really, she's lavishing me with attention and like coddling me. Kind of over doing it like she's still guilty about something only she's not avoiding me anymore because I told her that it hurt me the way she was avoiding me."

"I think it might be all the time she was spending with Jeff. They were writing letters to each other and they got pretty hot. Then he was here for Thanksgiving weekend and they were together a lot. He even took her to Guelph on Sunday and they spent the day there."

"He took her to his house?"

"Yeah, she met some of his friends and everything."

"Excuse me," I say to Adam and walk back to Clare's room. "We don't have to go out next weekend," I tell her and she looks up at me.

"You don't want to go on a date?" She asks with a voice that's wounded and yet ashamed.

"Do you? From what I hear you and Jeff got pretty close."

"You were locked up and I like Jeff but I like you too. You weren't here, you in TJCS again and I told you I couldn't do it but you're here now. I do like you Fitz you know how much I care about you."

"I'm not sure I do," I shake my head.

"I do," she says coming over to me and gripping my shirt before pulling me into passionate kiss.

"I'm never going back to TJCS Clare," I assure her when our lips part, "I'm going to stay out of there for you no matter what it takes."

"You should sit down, you never did get something to eat I'll get you something," she says quickly turning away from me. I catch her arm and turn her back to me.

"Clare you're holding back again what is it you're not tell me?"

She looks down biting her lip and pulling her arm away from me, "You were gone, locked up and I wanted…" she stops again taking a few more steps from me. "Jeff and I were writing letters, they became very steamy and he was here and I was ready. I told him I was ready and I wanted it to be him so on Sunday we went to his house since it was empty and w…"

"You had sex with him," I exclaim as the pieces finally fall into place and I realize what she's trying to say. "You lost your virginity to him," I barely whisper and my voice cracks in pain at the thought. "I have to go," I say turning and opening her door.

"Fitz wait," she says but I'm already through her door, "Mark," she calls her own voice broken with tears but I keep walking.

"Tell Bianca I borrowed her car," I say to Adam and Maya as I grab Bianca's keys. I hop in and speed off to my house, I park in the driveway and call Sean telling him I'm home, took Bianca's car and my stuff is still at Clare's. He's not supposed to be off work for almost two hours so when Sean comes in less than twenty minutes later I'm surprised.

"Adam called the shop and then I heard your message so what happened?" Sean asks.

"I found out Clare lost her virginity to Jeff on Sunday and I couldn't be there anymore. I knew she was hooking up with Owen but I always thought I'd be the one she lost her virginity too. I always thought it would be here and me together," I admit.

"We all did, you guys have sort of been paired forever just like me and Em, Spin and Paige, Jenna and K.C., Maya and Adam. Of course Clare's always gone down her own road."

"Yeah I just wish it had been me. I'm jealous and I'm angry and I hate that I wasn't around. I lost it and did something stupid and got sent to juvie and she found someone else so I'm just as angry at myself," I confess.

"I know but…" Sean starts but there's a knock at the door and he gets up to answer it. He steps aside and Clare comes in.

"Can we talk?"

**It's not an awful cliffhanger, the update next Saturday will pick up from slightly before this in Clare's pov. It will include at least some Clare and Drew camping and some Maya pov as she finds herself in some danger.**


	23. Look Down into Your Soul

**Everyone head to tomfeltonlover1991's page on the DeGrassi Saviors website and vote in her poll. She needs help deciding on a plot for a DeGrassi &amp; 5 Seconds of Summer crossover.**

**Ch. 23 Look Down into Your Soul**

**(CLARE)**

"You had sex with him!" Fitz blurts out when I stumble over telling him that I lost my virginity to Jeff. "You lost your virginity to him," Fitz says in a strained and painful whisper that stabs at my heart. I look at Fitz and see the hurt on his face and I hate that it's there because of me "I have to go," he speaks tersely and turns for my door as the pain on his face turns to anger.

"Fitz wait," I beg but he keeps walking, "Mark," I plead again and my voice cracks with sorrow and tears. He doesn't stop, he doesn't look back he just walks out. I sink down on my bed, a tear crawls down my face. I hear the front door slam and then a second later I hear Adam speaking to Bianca in the hall but I can't entirely make out what their saying. I hear Adam speaking to someone else or perhaps on the phone and then he comes into my room.

"You want to talk about it?" Adam asks sitting on my bed.

"I didn't mean for it to hurt him," I reply wiping the tears from my eyes.

"What?"

"He found out about me and Jeff; found out that we had sex."

"Yeah I was kind of hoping I wasn't right about that but I had the feeling that's what you were doing on Sunday. Is it what you wanted? Were you safe? Did he treat you well?"

"Yes to all three questions. It was wonderful; he was very sweet it was perfect. I really like Jeff but I really like Fitz too. I didn't mean for him to find out and I didn't mean for it to hurt him. I wasn't thinking about Fitz when I decided that Jeff was the right person. I wasn't thinking what would happen when Fitz got out; I didn't expect him to get out so soon."

"He's upset he probably thought you'd lose your virginity to him I think most of the group did," Adam comments.

"I know and I did too until Jeff. I mean Owen was fun but he and I would never be anything more than friends we weren't serious it was just fun, and trying to drive Drew crazy. I thought I'd have more time and that Jeff would be back in Guelph when Fitz got back. Then he showed up Monday night all banged up because of Reese and I felt terrible. I need some time alone to think," I tell my twin.

"You know where I am if you need me," Adam says giving me a kind brotherly smile. He hugs me lightly and leaves the room closing the door behind him.

I lie on my bed trying to clear my thoughts but it doesn't work very well. Instead my thoughts swirl around, I have one thought and then another thought pushes that one out. Part of my head, part of my heart, and part of my body want Fitz. Part of my head, part of my body and part of my heart want Jeff and a smaller part of all me wants something else entirely, something that I'm not quite sure of yet. The one thing I do decide on after a time of anguishing with my thoughts is that I need to go talk with Fitz. I grab my phone and coat going out to the living room.

"I'm going to talk to Fitz," I tell Adam and he nods. I get outside just as Drew is getting home from football practice.

"Where are you off to?" He inquires.

"I need to talk to Fitz, he found out about me and Jeff," I reply.

"Hop in I'll give you a ride," Drew says.

"Really?"

"Well last time you walked to his house you went to a party and got very drunk, you were brought home by Owen after he and Lucas rescued you from Stripster. Come on I'll take you over," Drew says and I get in the car. It's not that far to the Fitzgerald house and we arrive there in a few minutes. "Call if you need lift home, no parties," Drew says firmly when he parks. I roll my eyes at the no parties comment and thank him for the ride. I hear Drew driving off as I walk to the front door, I knock and Sean answers the door. He looks at me with a soft smile and then steps aside so I can come in.

"Can we talk?" I request of Fitz.

"I'll go get your stuff from the Mason's," Sean says before he leaves me with Fitz.

"You had sex with him what more is there to say?"

"I didn't have sex with Jeff to hurt you. I wasn't thinking about you at all and I shouldn't have been because that moment was about me and Jeff. It was everything I wanted, I was happy," I tell Fitz annoyed at first and then my voice softens and my lips curl into a reminiscent smile. Then looking at the pain on Fitz's face my smile drops to a sullen remorseful twist. I walk over and sit next to him on the sofa. He looks at me; I bite my lip and take his hand. "You showed up on Thanksgiving and were bruised and battered from Reese and I knew it was Reese and I knew it was because of me. I felt so guilty and like I'd betrayed you in some way by being with Jeff while you were getting beat up by Reese."

"Is that why you could hardly look at me on Thanksgiving? Why you left so quickly when you came to see me and why you were avoiding me so much this morning?"

"Yes," I admit quietly.

"Then why the sudden turnaround at lunch? Suddenly you couldn't seem to get enough of me."

"When you told me I was hurting you by avoiding you I felt worse. I never meant to hurt you and I didn't realize how my avoiding you was hurting you even though I should have. I had sex with Jeff because I care about him and he cares about me but it doesn't mean that my feelings for you were lessened in any way. I like you Fitz and I care about you very deeply you should know that. I never meant to hurt you but I wanted to be with Jeff and it felt right. I knew he would only be here for a short time and I wanted to be with him, I wanted it to be Jeff that took my virginity."

"You asked me to take you out next weekend, answer honestly Clare was that out of guilt or do you really want to be with me?" Fitz asks.

"That wasn't guilt that was wanting to be with you Mark. I like you and I feel good when I'm when I'm with you, you make me feel good and I love being with you. I want to go on a date and I want to be with you."

Fitz smiles now, cups my face and seals our lips together in a happily blistering kiss. We're still kissing when Sean comes back, we hear him unlock the door but Fitz and I are happily making out and don't break apart.

"I guess everything is okay," Sean comments locking the door.

"Yeah everything is good," Fitz replies with a grin breaking our kiss.

"Em will be home soon you want to stay for dinner Clare?" Sean asks.

"Yeah I'll stay for dinner," I smile.

Since Drew already knows where I am I don't have to call home. I can't do my homework because all my stuff is still at the house so I help Fitz with his homework. I stay for dinner and Emma talks about school, she doesn't have work tonight which means she and Sean actually have some time together.

"Why doesn't Fitz come back to my place and sleep over so you guys can have the house to yourselves," I comment when dinner is over.

"Yep see you guys tomorrow," Fitz grins getting up from the table and going to his room to pack a bag. Fitz's mom was never much of a parent and Fitz has never really needed to check in or ask permission for anything. Not that Sean didn't keep tabs on his brother but nowhere near the way my brothers keep tabs on me.

"You guys want a ride to your house?" Sean asks me.

"No we can walk," I shake my head.

Fitz comes out of his room with his backpack; it's a little fuller than usual so he must have packed a change of clothes and maybe a toothbrush. We keep extra toothbrushes at the house cause we have so many guests and with so many brothers there's plenty of toiletries for guys at our place. We say goodnight to Sean and Emma then Fitz and I leave his house and start walking to mine.

"Fitz is sleeping over," I enlighten Spinner when we walk in.

"Hey Fitz," Spin nods to him.

"I never finished my homework," I comment to Fitz as we walk back to my room.

"Guess everything is okay," Adam remarks coming out of his room.

"Yeah he's sleeping over but I have homework to finish."

"Maya's sleeping over too," Adam smiles.

I take Fitz into my room and he sits on my bed playing on his phone while I do homework. When I'm done we start getting ready for bed, it's fairly late at this point and we have school tomorrow.

"Is Drew going to care that I'm sleeping over? Does he know that you're not a virgin?" Fitz asks when I come back to my room after brushing my teeth.

"He's never cared before when you slept over and yeah he knows he figured it out when I was sore the next morning. He let Owen sleep over and he knew we were doing things. You're not actually worried about Drew are you?"

"My ribs are still sore so I couldn't fight very well and I'd rather not be on the bad side of your brother. So who else knows?"

"Adam and Owen, Drew probably told Bianca but Spinner doesn't know."

"I told Sean and he'll probably tell Emma," Fitz confesses as he takes off his shirt. I gasp at the sight of the bruises on him. The worst of it is on is right side a few inches below his armpit is an area about seven inches long and four inches wide that's various shades of purple and blue. He has other bruises all over his abdomen, some are still very dark and others are fading to green and yellow.

"Oh Mark," I cringe going over and running my fingertips over the bruises.

"It's not that bad," Fitz says taking my hand.

"What do you mean it's not that bad? It looks terrible, I hate Reese for doing this to you and I hate that he did it because of me," I say biting my lip and looking away.

"Reese did it because he's crazy and I'm fine. Let's get to bed," Fitz insists.

He takes off his jeans and gets in the bed; I change into pajamas and turn off the lights. When I get in bed Fitz wraps his arms around me, I turn on my side but I'm afraid to put my head on his chest because of all his bruises. So I lightly put my fingers on his chest and put my head on the pillow.

"So on our date next week what do you want to do?" Fitz asks.

"It doesn't matter what we do the thing I want is to be with you."

**(MAYA)**

"I am so bored," I muse to myself as I flop back onto my bed.

It's Saturday afternoon and normally I would be with Adam or my brother or hanging with the girls, today however I seem to be the only ones without plans. Mom is working a double so she'll get home sometime very early Sunday morning and she'll go straight to bed. K.C. is working today, later he'll meet up with Joey and Caitlin for some baby thing or other. Jenna is already with them spending the day doing things together and preparing for the baby. Clare has been forced on a camping trip with Drew; they left this morning and will return Sunday night. Emma is working all day so Sean and Fitz are spending time together. Since Drew and Clare are bonding in the woods Paige and Spinner decided it was also a good time for bonding, not with each other since they're about as bonded as two people can be. No Spinner is spending the day with Bianca to get to know her a little better and Paige is doing the same with Adam. I have no idea where Johnny is but he must have plans since he wasn't anywhere we normally hang out. Jay is working all day and Lucas is sleeping off a hangover. Owen is at a training or something, something to do with hockey that's all I know and he's gone all day. Tris is off with his boyfriends as usual and Zig has Saturday detention which leaves me alone and bored. I know all this because last night at the football game Clare was complaining about having to camp with Drew and everyone else began talking of plans for the day.

It's not as though I can't entertain myself I can but I've already played music and written a song. I did some stuff on the computer and took a shower and now I am bored bored bored! Deciding that there's something better to do than hang in my room alone I put on shoes and a coat, grab my purse and leave our apartment. I could always just hang out at the Mason's until someone is home, we all know how to get in and all of us in the group are always welcome. I'd still be alone though and probably bored. Instead I go to The Break Room; there aren't that many people here for a Saturday afternoon. I get a milkshake and people watch but I'm still bored and decide to go to The Dot, Above the Dot should be opening soon and at least there will be people I know there.

I leave The Break Room walking towards The Dot; I know the route so well I'm hardly paying attention and sort of daydreaming. I'm thinking about Adam and how sweet he is, I'm just beginning to picture our future wedding when the loud honking of a car horn startles me. I look over to see a black muscle car, it's older from the 80's or so and the driver is a young man that looks to be about Lucas' age although it's hard to guess age. He gives me a friendly smile but honestly it gives me the creeps.

"Need a lift?"

"No that's okay I'm just going up the street," I reply and keep walking.

He drives off and I keep walking but then I see his car parked up ahead. A chill runs up my spine and I freeze in my tracks. When he gets out of the car and starts walking toward me I turn and run! Jay lives close by and I start running for his house, I hear someone running behind me and look back to see the guy chasing me. I turn down the street Jay lives on and I see his house up ahead, his garage is open and he's working on his car or some car. I take a deep breath to call out to Jay but the guy catches me, his hand reaching out he grabs my hair and I shriek.

"You should have gotten in the car," the guy says tossing me over his shoulder all of a sudden.

"PUT ME DOWN YOU CREEP!" I scream as loud as I can.

"Shut up," he growls and starts running with me on his shoulder which is digging into my stomach making it difficult to breathe let alone scream. I'm just beginning to get terrible visions of being kidnaped and what this guy will do to me when I hear screeching tires as a car stops in front of us and someone gets out.

"Hey asshole put her down," Jay growls and I heave a sigh of relief.

"She's my girlfriend we're just having some fun," the guy tries telling him.

"No actually she is the girlfriend of one of my closest friends and the younger sister of another. Now put her the fuck down or I'll smash you're head in while you're still holding her and have to get brains and blood all over her clothes," Jay asserts but the guy still hesitates. "One…two," Jay counts and the guy finally puts me down. "Maya get in the front seat," Jay instructs me and I jump in his car.

As soon as I'm in the car I look at Jay, he's brandishing a tire iron and he hits the guy with it. He hits him across the face and the guy crumples to the ground unconscious. Jay reaches into the man's pocket and pulls out his wallet then he opens the driver door and tosses the wallet and tire iron in the back before opening the trunk. I watch as Jay picks the man up and puts him in the trunk then closes it. Jay gets in the driver's seat and we return to his house just down the street so the drive takes all of about five seconds.

"You okay?" Jay asks me when he parks.

"Thanks to you yes," I nod. Jay takes the man's wallet from the back and I follow Jay into his house. I sit on the sofa and Jay hands me some water while he gets out his cell phone.

"Turner it's Jay some asshole just tried to kidnap Maya. His name is uh…" Jay pauses to look at the guy's wallet and look at his ID, "Seth Bryant…Yeah she's fine, a little shaken but I have her hear at my place…Oh well he would be in the trunk of my car…Yep see you soon," Jay says and hangs up. "Turner's on his way with some other officers, it's a good thing you screamed or I never would have known I was busy rebuilding the engine on this Miata I just got. It's just a shell but I got it for a steal. Are you hungry I was just thinking about what to do for dinner," Jay remarks. I nod but then break down, shaking and crying. If Jay hadn't been home or hadn't heard me I'd be in some pedophiles car right now. Jay sits next to me and puts his arm around me. "It's okay you're fine and that prick won't ever go near you again."

"I'm sorry I'm okay just shaken, if you hadn't been there…" I start and then shake my head because I don't want to think about it. "I guess I could eat," I nod wiping my tears. Jay gives me a nice smile and orders some pizza from his phone.

"Just what were you doing walking alone?" He questions after placing the order.

"Everyone was busy; I was just on my way to The Dot."

"You're starting to sound like Clare," Jay comments.

"We can walk the neighborhood alone without getting into trouble," I shoot back.

"You can but we want to know that you're safe, at least you ran here though," Jay says and then there's a knock on his door.

"That was fast," I remark seeing Officer Turner through the window in the front door.

"Must have been close or they rushed over because I put the guy in the trunk," Jay responds walking over and opening the door.

Officer Turner comes in with two more officers; a female officer takes my statement while Jay takes Turner and the male officer out to the car to show them the guy in the trunk. Jay gives his statement to Turner and the other two officers take the guy to the hospital to be looked at but he is being arrested. By the time Turner is done the pizza is here, Jay turns on the TV and we eat dinner. Jay closes his garage and does some other stuff in his house after dinner but always comes back to the sofa and watches TV with me he's just letting me know he's here. A little after nine my phone rings and it's Adam.

"Hi."

"Hey Beautiful what are you doing? You want to come over?"

"Yes I do I think Jay can bring me over I'm at his place," I reply and look Jay. "Can you take me to Adam's?"

"Yeah no problem," Jay nods and gets off the sofa.

"Jay will bring me over I'll see you in a few minutes," I tell my boyfriend and hang up.

I grab my stuff and we go out to Jay's car, the drive to the Mason house only takes a few minutes. Jay parks out front and we walk in together, the door is rarely locked when people are home but only the people in the group know it. Adam is on the sofa but greets me with a kiss.

"She ran into some trouble and I nearly killed a guy," Jay tells them. Paige shoots him a look because when Jay says he almost killed someone he generally means it quite literally. "He was trying to kidnap her I hit him with a tire iron and put him in my trunk then I called Turner and he was arrested," Jay explains. Paige seems relieved that that's all that Jay did while Adam has gone a little pale. I kiss his cheek and pull him down the hall to his room so we can be alone.

"I'm okay Adam he started following me I was close to Jay's and I went straight there. Jay took care of it and I'm fine," I assure my boyfriend giving him a gentle kiss.

"I know but he tried to kidnap you and when Jay said that my heart stopped. I love you Maya I couldn't take it if anything happened to you."

"I love you too," I smile.

"I don't have any plans tomorrow we'll spend the whole day together," Adam tells me.

"Sounds good," I grin as he puts his arm around me and we lie back on his bed. "So how do you think Drew and Clare are doing on their camping trip?"

**(DREW)**

"We got a nice spot," I grin parking the car and at our camping spot.

"We're in the middle of nowhere," Clare grouses.

"That's the point of camping. Come on we need to set up before it gets dark," I tell her getting out.

Clare begrudgingly gets out of the car and helps me get the stuff out. She was silent the whole way here, she hates that she was forced up here and she hates camping. We get the tents set up and I start a fire while Clare looks through the food to find something for dinner. We sit down at the fire when the food is ready.

"So are you dating Jeff or Fitz?" I question after a few minutes of silence.

"I'm not dating either, Fitz and I have a date next weekend and Jeff is back in Guelph. If Fitz asks me to be his girlfriend I'll probably say yes," Clare replies.

"So you like Fitz but lost your virginity to Jeff?"

"I like them both and Fitz was locked up. I wanted to lose my virginity to Jeff and I did, it felt right, I really like him and I really like Fitz. I like them both, I really like them both."

"So if you start dating Fitz and Jeff comes back what then?"

"I don't know," she sighs putting down her food.

"Well which one do you like more?" I question setting my empty plate down.

"I don't know. Jeff is very sweet, and very forward. I was first attracted to his almost brash forwardness. He's nice, he's a good writer and we definitely have a carnal connection and physical attraction. He's a good guy, a true good guy, he's popular and cute and smart. He's probably too good for me and he's going places. Jeff is…great, perfect actually he's perfect. I barely know him and hardly know anything about him and he barely knows anything about me so there's still mystery which is appealing. I admire Fitz for his strength and loyalty. I love the way he looks at me, how he treats me like I'm the only girl in the world he's ever noticed. He's sweet and he's kind even after all he's been through. He knows pretty much everything about me which is good and bad I suppose. But he's promised that he won't get sent back TJCS before and he ends up back there, taking care of his mom, which I guess he doesn't have to worry about anymore but he does things to impress Sean or acts without thinking like he did when the guy tried to rape Bianca. The guy deserved what he got but Fitz was sent TJCS and it could have been for a lot longer than the six weeks he stayed. Even if he never goes back he'll never go to college, probably not even junior college and I don't think he has any future plans. Still we've been sort of fated to be together since I can remember. Anyway I'm not sure how much I'll make of myself. Even if I get a full ride to a school leaving you and Spin and Adam would be hard. Leaving everyone would be hard, I mean you drive me crazy but we're all we have and I couldn't be far away, not from you guys or the gang."

I've never heard my sister talk like this. Speaking of a future and analyzing the boys she likes and why she likes them. I also hear the slightly defeated tone in her voice. It's a little frightening how she sounds like she's just given up on things or maybe herself.

"Clare you're one of the smartest people I know, you can do anything. It would be hard for me to leave you and Adam and Spin too but if B gets accepted to a far off school I'll be going with her. If you don't want to go to a school that's far away then go a school here Toronto has some great schools. Do you think you have to be with Fitz just because you guys were sort of paired off?" I inquire.

"No I like Fitz, I feel safe with him and he makes me feel good. My feelings for him are genuine but the fact that we've been sort of thrust together since childhood is a little annoying. Even so I do have feelings for him, strong ones."

"So if Jeff and Fitz were standing before you and wanted you to choose?"

"I don't know that I could. I like them both the same but in different ways and for different reasons. Of course Jeff is an hour away and I…Fitz and I are meant to be. We'll probably get married and live in Toronto forever," Clare comments before getting up and grabbing the bag of marshmallows.

"Wait," I speak up after thinking about what she just said for a moment, "do you think you deserve to be with Fitz because you think he'll never make anything of himself?"

"No. Yes. I don't know. I really like Fitz he's a great guy but he'll probably just end up in prison. I know he promises to never go back to TJCS but he's said that before. I hate when he gets sent away and I don't think he's ever given a single thought to what he'll do after school. I think I deserve that but not him," she says roasting a marshmallow.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I think I deserve to be with someone who won't be anything. Although maybe not Fitz because he may not make anything of himself but he treats me so well and I just don't think I'm worth anything," she confesses quietly with same defeated tone she had before.

Her words stab at me, hearing that she thinks she deserves nothing and is not worth anything kills me inside. I had no idea she felt that way or thought that way. Have I really been so wrapped up in keeping her safe, so wrapped up in Bianca and me and my friends that I missed when my sister gave up on life and herself? Does that explain why she behaves the way she does around boys? Why she seems to attract trouble?

"Clare I don't ever want to hear you talk that way. You are worth everything, you deserve the world and whoever you end up with should be able to give it to you. I don't know what Fitz will be after high school or what Jeff will be or who you'll end up with but I know you deserve the best. You're smart and you're beautiful and you're kind and any guy is lucky to be with you. You're going to do great things Clare, you and Adam both have the potential to do anything you want and I've always thought you'd both be successes no matter where you go to university or where life takes you. I never realized it before but we failed you. Me and Spin and Dad we all failed you. How can you think you're worthless Clare?"

She doesn't answer, she's been biting her lip and looking down and now I see tears crawling down her cheeks. We've been sitting across from each other on opposite ends of the fire but now I get up and sit next to her. I put my arm around my sister and hold her tight.

"It was a long day I'm tired," she says quietly and gets up going into her tent.

I grab a beer from the cooler and sit there watching the fire for a long time thinking about everything Clare's said tonight. For the first time ever I feel like I actually know my sister. I've spent fifteen years protecting her, looking out for her, scaring boys away from her, wiping her tears, holding her when she was scared but I never had any inkling she felt that way or thought that way. I never would have guessed her reasons for being with Jeff or her thoughts or true feelings for Fitz. What worries me is how long she felt like she was nothing and what she would have done if she'd kept feeling that way or what she will do if I can't keep her from feeling that way.

**Update next Saturday will probably continue with their camping trip and include Johnny's birthday and his party.**


	24. Thoughts as Bold as Thoughts can be

**This last week was just crazy at work but thankfully it's done now and I'm back.**

**Before we get started some DeGrassi Saviors website news~**

**1) Check the home page for two new features. Three ship polls and part one of a part series of "If DeGrassi Characters Were" lists. The first list is "If DeGrassi Characters Were Other TV Characters"**

**2) Check out dragonsprits page for announcements, updates and clues for his stories.**

**3) Head to tomfeltonlover1991's page for a poll to help her decide on a crossover for DeGrassi and 5 Seconds of Summer.**

**Now onto tonight's chapter!**

**Ch. 24 Thoughts as Bold as Thoughts can be**

**(LUCAS)**

I stroll around the strip mall once again on this clear Saturday night and wondering how Clare and Drew and doing on their camping trip. Watching the stores and the parking lot and looking for anyone that might potentially cause trouble. Walking around the place and just being present is about ninety percent of my job. Usually knowing there's a security guard on duty is enough to deter would be shoplifters. In the two years I've worked here as a night security guard only a handful of people have attempted to shoplift and run and I've chased them all down. Most of the stores in this strip mall are closed by ten, there's a fast food place and a laundromat that remain open until 2am, and a 24 hour grocery store. My shifts are always 10pm – 5am Sundays – Wednesdays so it's usually pretty quiet and so tonight seems to be, or so I thought.

I'm approaching the laundromat when I see a man standing too close to a girl. It's not just that he's standing so close to her it's the way he's standing, the way her fist is clenched so tight and the fact that he just doesn't look right. I approach cautiously and in the mirrors in the laundromat I see that he's holding her with knife to her throat. She's crying and frantically going through her purse so he must be demanding money. We don't have guns just huge flashlights and a taser so I have to be careful. I go to the door and open it quietly sneaking over but the guy sees me in the hanging mirror. He pushes the girl away and turns to me with the knife in his hand. I hold the flashlight in my hand by the head and swing it at him like a club as he comes at me with the knife. He misses me and I hit him with my flashlight, it doesn't do much other than make him grunt. I kick his leg to knock him down but he falls forward and manages to plunge the knife into my chest! I hear the girl scream and I start wheezing for air but I grip the flashlight tightly and crack him in the back of the head with it. The guy looks at me with a grim smile before his eyes roll to the back of his head and he falls to the ground.

I look at the girl now, she's probably eighteen or nineteen, thin with long wavy black hair similar to Bianca's. With dark eyes and light olive skin she's gorgeous even if she is still a little pale from the fright of the situation. I smile at her but I'm starting to feel dizzy and still wheezing for air. The girl gasps again just as I fall to the floor and everything goes black…

When my eyes open I'm still lying down but I'm on my back in a bed, someone is holding my hand and I hear an incessant beeping. I realize I'm in a hospital, I can feel the tube from the IV taped to my arm and an oxygen tube in my nose. Mom is here she looks relieved but still worried.

"I'm fine," I assure my mom.

"You were stabbed Lucas and then you fell on the knife, you very nearly died you were in surgery for hours with a collapsed lung and internal bleeding," Mom tells me.

"But I lived. Is the girl okay?"

"Yes she's fine thanks to you, you're her hero. She said she would be by later today to see how you were."

"Hey you're alive we thought we lost you," Spin teases walking into my room.

"Can't get rid of me that easily, I'll be back on my feet in a day or two," I reply.

"Yeah not this time buddy you'll be in the hospital a couple days and then resting and the doc said no drinking or heavy partying for a while," Spinner tells me.

"Damn I'll miss Johnny's party."

"Which is on a weeknight at our place you can come and sack out on the sofa but no drinking. I have to go, I'm opening today but I wanted to see how you were," Spinner says. He comes over and hugs me and Mom before he leaves.

"Now that you're awake I'm going to go find a doctor and let Jane know," Mom comments letting go of my hand so she can stand up.

"Mom what did you bug Janie for she didn't need to be worried about me," I shake my head.

"She's your sister Lucas she had to know because they weren't even sure you'd make it through surgery. She was going to try and fly out."

"Well tell her I'm alive and fine and to stay in California, no one has the money for her to fly out and she has school," I assert as my mom leaves my room.

Jane and I were never very close growing up, she wanted nothing to do with me and she was always more into school than I was. I was more interested in having fun and causing trouble which is why I got along so well with Jay and Johnny. I was very proud of my sister when she got into Stanford though. She's been there two years now and she's doing really well, I think she's a lot happier in California. She was never really a part of our group either; she could have been since I'd known Jay for forever but she never wanted to hang out with us.

Before Mom returns to the room a doctor comes in with a nurse. He tells me about my injury and that I'll be in the hospital a couple of days before checking my vitals and such. Mom comes back and I find that I'm very tired even though I just woke up. I put on the TV and fall asleep again after about half an hour and when I wake up Mom is gone but the girl I saved is sitting by my bed.

"Hi I'm Lucas," I grin at her.

"I know your mom told me, I'm Mia Jones. I'm glad you're okay and that you were there to save me," she says kissing my cheek.

"Well it is my job. I don't think I've ever seen you at the laundromat before, or anywhere because I know I'd remember a face as breathtaking as yours," I remark and she giggles blushing just a little.

"I just started at U of T in September and I usually use the machines in the dorm but two of them were broken this week and I was out of clean clothes."

"Look I have to be in here a couple of days but when I'm out how about I take you to dinner?"

Mia smiles softly and kisses my lips gently after she stands up, "Call me next weekend after you've had a few days to heal. I should get going your mom just went down to get some lunch."

"Wait I don't have your number," I call to her before she reaches the door.

"Yes you do it's in the card," she says nodding to the flowers on my bedside table with a card in a yellow envelope sticking out the top.

I grin and she smiles back just before vanishing through the door.

**(DREW)**

I was awake for quite a while, sitting by the fire and thinking about what Clare had confessed to me. I wake up late and find Clare sitting at the fire pit she actually managed to make a fire and start some coffee.

"I'll make breakfast, we'll hike after breakfast before we drive home," I tell Clare.

"I'll help with breakfast, what do we even have for breakfast?" Clare asks.

"Sausage and potatoes," I tell her going to the cooler.

We make breakfast in silence and eat in silence. I want to ask her about the things she said last night but I leave it be for the moment. After eating we change clothes and I check the hiking route. To be very safe I take extra provisions, emergency kits and leave a note on the car with the date and time we left and when I expect to be back. Then we begin hiking along the trail.

"Ugh how long is this trail? And why is it so much uphill?" Clare whines after we've been hiking about half an hour.

"We need to get you in shape; I'm going to start getting you to train in the weight room or something. Maybe you should go out for a sport," I comment.

"Can you honestly see me playing a sport? I've never been into sports and even if I went out for one puberty made it a little difficult to play any sports," Clare responds.

We hike a little farther until we come to the end of the trail. We come out at a lake and sit down on a rock looking out at the water. There's a few people swimming, boating and fishing but the late fall weekend isn't very busy.

"Clare what you said last night, how long have you felt that way? Like you aren't worth the very best and you aren't going to do anything with your life?" I venture after a few minutes.

"I don't know," she shrugs drawing her knees to her chest. "I just…" she pauses biting her lip and putting her arms around her legs and her chin on her knees. "Mom died giving birth to me and Adam and I never knew her. Dad, Spin and even you have always been there for us and loved us, and been ridiculously overprotective," she comments and I shoot her a look. "But I never knew Mom. I mean I knew her in that I grew in her body but she died when I was born and there's always been this hole I've never quite been able to fill. And knowing that she died giving birth to me I guess I've always felt…like a mistake. Like I shouldn't be here so what's the point?"

"Does Adam feel like this?" I question but as soon as I ask it realize he probably doesn't. Adam has never behaved like Clare, he's never gone looking for trouble, he's never even really been drunk. Knowing this is how Clare feels her behavior for…well her whole life makes more sense now; all the flirting the drinking, finding trouble, getting herself into dangerous situations and with dangerous people.

"I don't know, I don't think so but we've never really talked about it. We don't talk about everything. I'm not sure that he does but it's never been easy for him being born in a girl's body and being a guy."

"Clare we all miss Mom, I barely remember her and the more the years pass the more I wonder if the memories are real or not. As much as we miss her and as unfair as it is that she died it was not your fault Clare you can't blame yourself for her death, we don't. We love you and care about you and you mean the world to us, you have to know that you are everything to us. That's why we protect you so much and why no guy is truly worthy of you. I'm sorry that we failed you so horribly that you could think you're nothing."

"It's not you or Spin or Dad or Adam, you didn't fail me it's just how I feel."

"But we have, if that's how you feel then we have," I insist and Clare bites her lip and looks away.

"We should head back we still have to drive home and we have school tomorrow," she comments after a moment.

"Clare look at me and tell me you know you're w…"

"Drew I don't want to talk about it anymore," she snaps at me standing up quickly, "I'm going back to the campsite."

She starts walking down the trail and I follow her. We don't talk at all on the hike back to the camp site, we don't talk while packing or for the first twenty minutes of the drive. Finally the silence becomes too much and I have to break it but I'm not stupid enough to venture to same topic again.

"So what are you going to be for Halloween?"

"I'm not sure, I suppose if I'm going to a Halloween party with Fitz I should talk to him. I don't really want a couples costume though but something that complemented his costume would be good," Clare replies.

"I've never seen Fitz dress up for Halloween so it can't be hard to complement his clothes," I comment.

"Then I'll get him to dress up, or we could just stay in while the rest of you are at the party," Clare responds with a grin.

We spend the rest of the drive making small talk, talking about Johnny's party in a couple of days, school, Jenna and K.C.'s baby, when we think Spin and Paige will get married and other such things. We stop to eat and arrive home just after seven. I open the garage and put away the camping stuff in the garage and then we grab our bags and go inside.

"How was camping?" Spinner asks.

"Fine," Clare replies with a slight huff. "I'm going to invite Fitz over and take a shower," she says.

"Uhhh are you planning to shower with Fitz?" Spinner questions.

"No I'm going to ask him to come over and then get in a shower while he's on his way. If I was going to shower with Fitz I wouldn't do it with you all here," Clare replies. I wonder when Spin's going to find out she's not a virgin anymore?

"Before you shower I have to tell you that Lucas was hurt on the job," Spinner informs us.

"Is he okay?" Clare queries with worry in her voice and her eyes are dark with the thought of losing someone else she cares about.

"He was stabbed and when he passed out he fell on the knife. He had surgery for a punctured lung and internal bleeding. He's alive and he'll be okay after a couple days in the hospital and some rest. He'll probably come to Johnny's party but he'll be on the sofa the whole time and won't be able to drink," Spin says.

"At least he'll be okay," I comment and Clare nods in agreement. She hugs Spinner and vanishes down the hall.

"So how was camping?" Spinner asks.

"Enlightening," I respond.

"Learn some things about our baby sister?"

"Yeah got a whole new perspective on her I wish I'd known sooner. Her behavior and her decisions make a lot more sense now it's also very scary knowing how she thinks," I reply.

"Care to share?" Spinner prompts.

"Yes but not tonight I need to shower after Clare and I'm going to go say hi to Bianca. Just uh make sure that Clare knows how much you love her and how much we care," I tell Spinner before going back to my room which I share with my girlfriend and find my beautiful girlfriend on our bed.

"Hi how was camping?" She grins kissing me passionately before I can answer.

"Enlightening. When Clare gets out of the shower I'm going to get in and then I'm coming back and kiss every inch of your body," I smile.

**(CLARE)**

I get out of the shower and walk across to my room wrapped in a towel. I get my pajamas on and there's a knock on my door, I know it's Adam so I call to come in. He hugs me and asks how the camping trip was. I tell him it was fine and tell him Fitz is on his way over to spend the night and come to school with us tomorrow. Adam says Maya is sleeping over and asks if I heard about Lucas and I nod. When we hear the front door open he knows Fitz is here and Adam hugs me goodnight.

"Hey how was the trip?" Fitz asks.

"Fine I guess, I'd rather have been here," I respond closing my door before kissing him.

"Didn't like camping or spending time with Drew?"

"Wasn't fond of camping or the hiking but spending time alone with Drew was okay I guess. He forced me to hike up hill though and then decided I was out of shape. I still think camping was some form of punishment."

"Well it's done now and you're home and you still had a better weekend than Lucas," Fitz remarks.

"Yeah I heard about that at least he's okay. Have you seen him?"

"Sean, Em and I went to the hospital earlier he's fine. He insists that he could go back to work tomorrow and everyone is worrying too much. He saved a girl who was getting held up and he has her number now, according to Lucas she's the most beautiful girl he's ever seen," Fitz says and I smile.

"So what are we wearing to Jay's Halloween party?" I ask Fitz as I pull him to sit on my bed with me.

"Why you thinking I'm going to wear a couples costume just 'cause we got a date next weekend?"

"No I don't want to wear a couples costume but I figured we were going together so our costumes should complement each other. And you are dressing up, you can't just go in your clothes and say it is your costume," I assert and Fitz grins just as my phone rings. I grab it from my nightstand and bite my lip when I see the caller ID. "It's Jeff," I tell Fitz.

"Should I leave so you can talk?"

"No you should stay I haven't yet told Jeff about our date and before Thanksgiving we were writing every day but I haven't really talked to him since Thanksgiving," I say and answer the phone, "Hi Jeff."

"Hey Pretty Eyes," he says and I hear the grin on his lips, "haven't heard from you in a while."

"I know it's been a little crazy here. I was forced to camp with Drew this weekend, Lucas got stabbed at work."

"Is he okay?" Jeff asks.

"Yeah he'll be fine. I also have a date with Fitz this coming weekend," I inform Jeff.

"Oh, I guess I kind of figured that would happen since he was back. Does he know about us?"

"Yeah he knows everything and he's here with me. It's just one date but it could lead to more. I just thought you should know."

"Does this mean we can't talk anymore?" Jeff asks.

"No it doesn't we can still talk, as often as we'd like."

"Good," Jeff says and I hear his smile, "I guess since Fitz is there with you I'll let you go. You'll tell me if he actually becomes your boyfriend. And if course next time I'm up there I can't promise not to be competition for him."

"I would expect nothing less. I'll talk to you later goodnight Jeff."

"Goodnight Pretty Eyes," he replies and hangs up.

"So what did Jeff say?" Fitz asks when I set my phone down.

"Just wanted to know if we could still talk since you and I had a date. He wanted me to tell him if you became my boyfriend and said he would be competition next time he was up," I reply.

"I'm okay with competition," Fitz grins.

"I'm going to get something to eat, Drew and I stopped on the road but that was a few hours ago. Do you want anything?"

Fitz says no but he still comes with me to the kitchen. I eat in the living room and watch TV with Fitz. Paige comes out to get some water and hugs us both. Fitz and I stay in the living room watching TV for a while before we go to bed. I'm already in pajamas and Fitz brushes his teeth before stripping down to his boxers and getting in the bed with me. I was up rather early and after hiking and the drive it's been a long day and I fall asleep. After an odd and disturbing dream I wake up with a gasp. Fitz is still asleep and I don't want to bother him so I get up and go out to the living room. Everyone that doesn't live here and is sleeping over tonight is sleeping in someone's room so no one is in the living room. I sit on the sofa and just stare into the dark living room as a trillion thoughts race around in my head.

"What's wrong?" Adam yawns coming to sit with me.

"Do you ever think about Mom?"

"Sure all the time, I see her picture around the house and wonder how it would be if she was here with us. I miss her, we all do. Did you have a dream about Mom?"

"Sort of. We never knew her and there's this emptiness, this hole inside."

"I know," Adam says putting his arm around me, "Mom loves us. Where ever she is, she and Dad they love us still."

I put my head on Adam's shoulder and we sit like that for a short time but then we hear two doors opening. Fitz and Maya both walk sleepily into the living room.

"Are you okay?" Fitz asks with a big yawn.

"What's going on? The bed is cold without you," Maya complains.

"I'm fine, I woke up from a dream and I didn't want to disturb you. I'm okay let's all go back to bed," I insist getting up and going to Fitz. I take his hand and we go back to my room while Adam and Maya go back to his room.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Fitz asks.

"Yeah I'm fine it was just a dream it wasn't even scary. However I'm not very tired now," I reply pulling him to the bed and I sit on his lap attaching my lips to his.

Fitz grins into the kiss and his arms come around me. After a moment I push him back on the bed. My fingers caress down his abs and I feel his muscles tighten with anticipation under my fingertips. I get my nails under the waistband of his boxers and he releases a breath into the kiss and then grabs my hand.

"Clare stop."

"Why?"

"Because you don't want to do this."

"How do you know what I want?"

"Because I know you Clare, I've known you pretty much my whole life, I know you better than you think. You had a dream that woke you up so it might not have been scary but it was disturbing to you in some way. You're not tired but you're emotional and you think doing something sexual will make you feel better but it won't. It will make you forget how you feel for a moment and then you'll probably feel worse after and I'm not going to do anything to make you feel bad. And it's not that I don't want to or I don't find you attractive or sexy because I do and you know I do. But I'm not Reese or Owen or any other guy that would listen to you say you're okay and believe it because I know you better than that and I know you're not."

"If you're this insightful with me why don't you do better in school?" I huff as I sit up.

"Because I like you and I care about you and I don't care about school."

"Don't you ever think about your future?"

"Wasn't sure I'd live to this age honestly so I've never put much thought into the future. Anyway I've never been good at school and I'll probably work at the garage with Sean and Jay."

"Yeah. I'm not going to get back to sleep I'm going back out and watch TV are you coming?"

Fitz gets off the bed and follows me out to the living room and I turn the TV on keeping the volume low. I cuddle up to Fitz and he puts his arm around me, we both eventually fall asleep and wake up when Spinner gets up since he's opening today.

"Bad night?" Spinner questions.

"Sort of, I'm going to get ready for school," I yawn getting off the sofa.

"Why don't you come to The Dot I'll get you both breakfast," Spinner offers.

"You're not going to tell me I have to go camping again this weekend are you because Mark and I have a date," I inform Spinner.

"Just go get ready," Spinner responds.

I pull Fitz's hand and we got back to my room to dress for school. His bruises have healed more they're just a pale yellow now.

"You know you keep calling me Mark," Fitz comments as we get dressed.

"I like calling you Mark," I smile and kiss him before I go out to the washroom.

We get ready and go with Spinner to The Dot in his car since we can come home with Bianca. Spinner starts the coffee and Fitz and I pick out fresh pastries that the kitchen staff just made.

"I'm off at one but I have to pick up some stuff for Johnny's party tomorrow. I should be home by the time you get home from school though," Spinner tells us.

"Did you get Johnny's present?" I question.

"Yeah Paige and Adam picked it up this weekend."

Fitz and I finish breakfast and walk to school. Eli's already here working with Imogen on his play. Fitz and I sit in the memorial garden waiting for the others to get there while we talk about what to be for Halloween. He's still resistant to dressing up but I'll get him to.

**Look I didn't end on a cliffhanger! The update next Saturday will begin with Johnny's party and include Clare and Fitz's date. And we might possibly get Halloween next chapter…maybe.**


	25. Together's Where We Both Belong

**Before we get started some DeGrassi Saviors website news~**

**1) The ship polls are down and the winning ships are on the homepage. **

**2) Check out dragonsprits page for announcements, updates and clues for his stories.**

**3) Head to tomfeltonlover1991's page for a poll to help her decide on a crossover for DeGrassi and 5 Seconds of Summer. It's currently tied so get those votes in the poll comes down on Sunday.**

**In other DeGrassi Saviors news check out dragonsprit's story My Self Inflicted Twisted Reality. **

**Ch. 25 Together's Where We Both Belong**

**(JOHNNY)**

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY JOHNNY!" Clare squeals happily jumping into my arms when I walk into her house Tuesday evening. It's my birthday today and my party is at her house. She throws her arms around my neck and plants a kiss on my lips, right in front of Fitz. It's just a quick kiss and he doesn't seem to mind he just kind of shakes his head with a smile.

"Thanks, did you start on the drinking already?" I inquire and she giggles.

"No I'm just in a good mood, I'm going to go change for your party," Clare says and skips off to her room. When I hear her door close I look at Fitz.

"What did she take?"

"No idea and she swears she didn't take anything. You would think with me, two of her brothers, Owen, Zig, Maya, Bianca, Jenna, Tris and K.C. at the school we'd be able to keep an eye on her all the time but we didn't and by fourth period she was that happy. I thought Drew would go ballistic but he actually seemed kind of relieved that she seemed so happy. She has been kind of down since returning from camping. Sunday night and last night she kept thinking about something that was obviously bothering her but wouldn't talk about it and all Drew will say about their camping trip is that it was enlightening," he says with a worried look and shaking his head. But then looks up at me with a smile, "She'll be okay anyway Happy Birthday, you want a beer or something?"

"Yeah thanks," I nod walking in and sitting on the sofa. "Where's everyone else?" I question looking around the house.

"Spin went to pick up Lucas and hasn't seen Clare yet. Adam, Maya and Bianca are setting stuff up in the back. Drew, Owen and K.C. have football practice, Jenna's in the kitchen having a snack…"

"Happy Birthday Johnny," Jenna calls from the kitchen before Fitz can say anything else.

"And everyone else is at work," Fitz finishes.

I start sipping at the beer and Adam, Bianca and Maya come in from the back and wish me happy birthday. When Spinner comes in with Lucas we get off sofa so Lucas can lie down.

"Happy Birthday Dude," Lucas says with a slightly strained breath as he sits on the sofa.

"Thanks how do you feel?"

"I'm fine and tired of not being able to do anything. Mia's been over a few times to see me, she says as soon as I can move we can go out. I think I'm going to marry that girl," Lucas smiles.

"You barely know her," I laugh.

"I know she's the most incredible girl I've ever known. She's beautiful, she's sweet and caring. I've never felt this way about anyone else."

"Well I'm happy for you it's about time you met a nice girl," I grin and then Clare comes skipping out of her room.

"YAY LUCAS IS HERE," Clare grins happily and starts to leap into Lucas' lap. If he hadn't have been stabbed recently I'm sure it would be fine but he has. Adam, Bianca and I catch Clare before she can land on Lucas.

"He got stabbed remember no leaping onto Lucas," Adam reminds her.

"But I love Lucas and I want to hug him," Clare pouts.

"I love you too but how about you just blow me a kiss?" Lucas says so Clare blows him a kiss. "What's she on?" Lucas asks. We've let go of Clare and she's now spinning around.

"No idea," Adam sighs.

"I just decided to be happy," Clare asserts as Spinner comes out of the kitchen. "Hi big brother," Clare grins skipping over and jumping on Spinner to hug him.

"What did you take?" Spinner asks her.

"I took happy," Clare repeats.

"Uh-huh. Fitz, Adam can I see you two in my room please," Spinner demands.

"Clare why don't you help me in the kitchen," Bianca says taking Clare's hand.

"I wonder if Spin will send her on another camping trip," Maya muses but follows the girls into the kitchen.

I talk with Lucas for a while since no one will let me help with anything. Spinner, Adam and Fitz return after a short while and Spin goes outside to get the BBQ going. As more people arrive we start to move outside but Jenna, Clare, Fitz, Adam, Maya and K.C. stay inside with Lucas. We're all inside for cake and presents, I get some good stuff and thank everybody but as it's a school night and/or work night for everyone the party ends by eleven. Lucas doesn't live too far from me so I volunteer to bring him home.

"Is your mom working tonight?" I question as I help Lucas into the empty house.

"Yeah I'll be fine though just going to bed," Lucas says.

"Yeah you can barely move, you sure you don't need any help?"

"Yeah I'll be okay," Lucas nods. "You know Mia goes to U of T maybe she has a friend for you," Lucas comments as I'm getting ready to leave.

"Why don't you two have your first date and then you can worry about setting me up," I comment and Lucas grins.

I return to my place and get ready for bed since I have an early class. My family hasn't so much as called to say happy birthday but my friends have always been more like family. I guess that's why I never dated any of the girls in our gang because I saw them all as sisters and just never thought of them that way. Lucas is right though it would be nice to have a steady girlfriend again. The last one I had was Alli last year and it didn't really end well and we only dated a couple of months. A grownup relationship would be nice, now I just need to find a girl.

**(MIA)**

"You look amazing," Lucas remarks when I open my door. It's Saturday night and we're about to go on our first date. He called me yesterday and said the doctor told him he could resume normal activities with some restrictions. He can't go back to work for another couple of weeks but he can resume doing most things like driving.

"Thanks you look nice too," I smile.

He offers me his arm and we leave my dorm for his car. He drives us downtown where he made reservations at a nice restaurant.

"So how are you liking U of T?" Lucas asks after we've placed our order.

"It's good, it's a good school and some of my professors are great. Not really sure about my math professor though he seems a little…I don't know like he doesn't want to teach."

"Have you declared a major?"

"Marketing, in a way it's a little bit of everything," I reply.

"Cool my buddy Johnny is in the literature program as an English major. He's real smart, I was never smart enough to go to university, didn't even finish high school," Lucas comments.

"You have a good job now though."

"Yeah my buddy Jay got it for me. I like my job and it pays pretty well but I'm not sure I want to be a security guard the rest of my life. I thought about maybe going for the police academy but I'd at least need to get my GED before I try."

"I'm sure you could do it if you wanted. You sure seem to have a lot of buddies you've mentioned two since we got here and I've herd you talk about Sean and Spinner before too. I remember Spinner because I thought it was a funny name."

"It's not his real one but yeah I have a close circle of friends. Jay and I grew up on the same block and became friends. He met Spin in school and Sean and Johnny. We all became good friends and when Spinner's mom died we were all there for him, we were all young but we are all there for him. His house sort of became our hub, it was bigger than ours and his dad wasn't home too much, the teenage nanny his dad hired was hot. We all just grew up together and we became close to Spin's younger sibs and their friends all became part of our group and their younger sibs. There's a bunch of us but it's nice to have such close friends, we're there for each other for anything. I'm not real close to my family, my dad walked out and my mom is always working. My sister and I barely speak, I love her but we've never been close."

"I'm an only child but I always wished I had brother or sister so it must be nice to have so many close friends. I have a best friend but I never had a big group of close friends like that. It must be nice. I never knew my dad either so it's always been just me and my mom. I hope I get to meet all your friends," I grin just as our food is brought out.

"You will, they all want to meet you too but it can be a bit overwhelming. Jay's having a Halloween party on Saturday since Halloween is Monday and most of us have school or work. Everyone is going if you'd like to go with me?"

"I'd love to. Maybe we can go look for costumes after this," I grin and Lucas smiles.

We talk a little more over dinner; he tells me about his sister Jane who's going to school at Stanford. He tells me about his mom and I tell him about mine and where I grew up. Lucas pays for dinner and we walk from the restaurant to a costume shop, we walk very slowly since he's still recovering from surgery but the shop is only a block away. We look around a little pulling out various costumes, after about an hour of looking at costumes we decide on two costumes that go together.

"Are you sure Jay will be okay with me coming to the Halloween party?" I question as we leave the store.

"He insisted on it I've been talking about you so much. It's still pretty early would you like to get dessert? I know of a great little place, it's a bit of a drive but well worth it," Lucas says when we reach his car.

"Sounds great I would love desert," I grin.

We get in the car and Lucas drives. We end up at a little roadside diner which honestly from the outside doesn't look like it has good food. When we get inside however it smells amazing and there's at least a dozen different pies and cakes in a display case. We sit down and both order coffee, Lucas gets cherry pie alamode and I get chocolate cake. I ask Lucas to tell me more about his friends while we eat. There really are a lot of them; he talks about Jay and Sean while we eat dessert. After dessert we go for a drive and he tells me about Sean's younger brother Fitz and then Sean's fiancé Emma while we drive. On the drive back to town he tells me about Paige.

"I had a lot of fun tonight and I look forward to meeting all your friends at Halloween," I say when Lucas walks me back to my dorm room.

"I had a great time too. I can't go back to work for a while how about another date? Maybe tomorrow night?"

"You can pick me up at seven," I grin. I grip his shirt and pull him to me smashing my lips to his for a salacious goodnight kiss. Then I disappear into the room leaving him in the doorway with a happily goofy grin on his face.

I close my door and lean against it feeling my heart flutter and my stomach fill with butterflies. I know it's early but I think I might be falling love.

**(FITZ)**

"So what are you kids up to tonight?" Drew asks when I arrive at Clare's house to pick her up for our date.

"You know I'm a year younger than you and Fitz is your age so you can't call us kids," Clare comments coming down the hall.

"I can and I will," Drew responds while I'm just grinning at Clare.

"You look incredible," I tell her and she smiles. She's wearing a simple black halter dress that swivels at her hips when she walks. The dress has a v-neckline that plunges down just enough to make me, and any other guy that's not her brother, salivate. Drew sees it too and he twists his face at it. She's wearing heels, not spiky heels just low heels that have straps around her ankles.

"Thanks you look very nice too," she says even though I'm just wearing black jeans and a dark grey button up shirt with a black blazer. "And we're going dancing for your information. Any other questions?" Clare asks her brother.

"Take a coat it's cold," Drew says and Clare rolls her eyes going back to her room and now Drew looks at me.

"Are you going to tell me to have her home early and you'll break my hands if I touch her?" I inquire.

"No I trust you with her; you're one of a very short list I trust implicitly with her. Just watch her tonight you know how she's been all week."

"Yeah she still won't tell me what happened on your camping trip. I'll watch her and I'll make sure she just doesn't take anything else," I assure her brother.

I slept over the night of Johnny's party and after some prodding she finally confessed to Adam and I that she took E. Adam was slightly horrified and was very worried about her, Drew wasn't exactly thrilled that his sister had taken drugs but he also seemed almost relieved. Not that she was taking drugs but since returning from their camping trip she'd been sort of out of it, almost depressed. Since taking E she's been happier and hasn't taken drugs since so her happiness isn't from the aid of narcotic. We've all been watching her too closely for her to have the chance and she swears she won't. Spinner wanted to ground her but Drew convinced him not too. He's been oddly more protective of her since their camping trip. Not more protective around guys or anything but more protective in a different way, a way that's hard to describe but I'm not the only that's noticed Adam's been wondering about it too.

"One time, it was one pill and I felt so funny afterward I don't ever want to take anything again," Clare says shooting us both a look as she comes out wrapped in a coat.

"And I don't want anything to happen to you because you're my baby sister and I love you," Drew says holding her face and kissing her forehead. "And Fitz cares about you too. Have fun tonight," Drew says releasing her.

Clare links her arm with mine and we leave her house getting in my car. She already told me she wanted to go dancing so I take us to a restaurant downtown that has dancing and no age limit to get in. We order dinner first and watch people dancing.

"I can't do that, you know I can't dance," I comment to her while we eat.

"Then why'd you bring me dancing?" Clare questions.

"Because you wanted to come dancing."

"You move your body and you hold me," Clare smiles.

"On the slow songs I can do that, what about the fast ones?"

"Do like Fonzie did and dance slow even to the fast songs," she replies and I laugh.

We finish eating and when the band plays a slow song I take her out to the dance floor. Thankfully when the next song is fast Clare takes me back to the table.

"You know we're the youngest ones here," she remarks when we sit back down.

"Well you're not old enough to get into a club and I wouldn't have taken you to one anyway. It was this or Above the Dot and Spinner is working tonight," I remind her.

"Why don't we get dessert to go and go to the harbor," Clare suggests.

"It's pretty cold out and you're wearing a short dress," I remind her.

"You can keep me warm; we don't have to get out of the car we'll just go look at moon and the stars. We can dance under them that will keep me warm."

"Okay I'll ask for dessert to go," I reply and Clare smiles.

I find our waitress and tell her I'd like dessert to go and pay the bill. I return to the table and our waitress brings us a bag with two boxes containing our dessert. We get back in my car and I drive us to the harbor we eat in the car watching the water and the moon and the boats.

"Let's go dance under the moonlight," Clare says when she's done eating.

I laugh but put on the car radio and we get out dance on the sidewalk under the moonlight. Dancing slow even to the fast songs we stay out there until she begins to shiver and I take her back to my car.

"So what should we do now?"

"Let's just drive, we can go find a little motel and stay the night and we'll come back tomorrow, my brother's trust you."

"That doesn't mean they wouldn't kill me for taking you away for a night without their permission first."

"Let's go back to my place then or yours. Now that your mom's not in the house I could stay over. I'll text Drew that I'm sleeping at your place he won't care and he'll explain it to Spin."

"Okay then back to my place. You want to stop at your house for clothes?"

"No," she shakes her head.

I start driving to my house and she sends a text to Drew. Sean is out with Jay, Johnny and Owen tonight and Emma is working so my house is empty when we get there. I unlock the door and turn on the lights in the living room.

"You want to watch a movie or something?" I ask her.

She shakes her head taking me back to my room. She takes off her coat and then pulls off my blazer sitting on my bed to get her shoes off. I get my shoes off and she unzips her dress taking it over hear head. Now she's in nothing but a halter bra and black panties.

"Are you sure about this?"

"I'm not a virgin anymore you know."

"Yeah I'm well aware of that fact but the fact that you've had sex once doesn't mean you're ready to do it again."

"I thought boys were always ready for sex," she kind of huffs.

"Clare you've been acting a little erratic since I got out. First you can't be near me and then you can't get enough of me. You took drugs for the first time ever, which you admitted to getting from some kid in the ravine and he could have given you anything. You're lucky he didn't give you something to knock you out so he could rape you."

"Everyone in the ravine near DeGrassi knows that my brothers would put their head on a pike if anything happened to me," she shrugs nonchalantly. It scares me a little the way she does like she's so confident nothing could ever happen to her because people are afraid of the wrath of her brothers and the rest of us.

"My point is you've never taken drugs before, certainly not to be happy. I'd love to make love to you I just want make sure that you're sure."

"Jeff didn't ask me this many times and it was my first time," she says taking off her bra.

"I know you better than Jeff," I comment.

"I don't think you know me as well as you think you do. I don't think anyone knows me as well as they think not even Adam. I think," she comments getting up and walking over to me, "that you should get naked."

She unbuttons my shirt and takes it off, then my under shirt and she starts pulling my belt from my jeans. I help her get my jeans off and she takes down my boxers. She pushes me to the bed and then takes her panties down. I reach over to my nightstand to grab the box of condoms and take one out but Clare takes it from me.

"I'm on birth control you know," she comments.

"I know but you've had sex with someone else and I'm not risking disease."

"Jeff is clean," she says twisting her mouth at me.

"I really don't want to talk about him when I'm about to make love to you and I'd prefer to be cautious," I comment.

"Fine but let me put it on," she says opening the foil.

She puts the condom on and then mounts over me. I take her hips and she begins to lower herself down on me but bites her lip and stifles a whimper. I flip us so that she's on her back and I'm on my knees between her legs.

"It's going to take more than once for it to not be painful, especially if you're trying to be on top," I comment and penetrate into her slowly.

Clare moans and a breath hitches in her throat, her eyes lull back and she grips onto me tightly. For a while I thrust very slowly to open her up and get her wet. It seems to take forever but I watch her breasts bounce and her skin tighten, I watch the muscles in her face contort and relax between pain and pleasure. Eventually she moans with every breath, her core is hot and wet, her body trembling slightly. I begin to speed up, just a little with every thrust going in a little deeper and little faster. I feel her core tighten around me, I moan and exhale Clare's name. I admit I've dreamed about this moment for a very long time but it's so much more amazing than I could have ever thought. She feels amazing, my entire body is tingling and I wish I could somehow be more a part of her. We climax together, she screams out my name so loud it rattles my window. Her name rolls from my lips with a rapturous primal grunt. I continue to thrust slowly while we ride out or orgasms and then pull out of her. Clare whimpers and lurches slightly, rolling over she curls to her side while I sit up and take off the condom tossing it in the trash.

"Are you okay? I didn't hurt you did I?"

"Not at all and I feel great," she replies turning over to smile at me. I start to lie down with her but I hear the front door.

"That's Sean I'm going to go tell him you're staying the night," I tell her grabbing my robe from the back of my door. I put it on and go out to the living room.

"How was your date?" Sean asks.

"Great and she's staying the night," I inform him.

"Cool. I'm beat I'm going to bed," Sean yawns.

"Night," I nod and go back in my room.

"Let's go out or ooh will you teach me to ride a motorcycle?" Clare asks.

"Not tonight you don't have the right clothing, if you're not tired we could watch a movie."

"No just hold me in bed," she replies grabbing my dark grey dress shirt from the floor and putting it on. I put on some clean boxers and get in the bed, I lie on my back and she rolls on her side draping her arm across my chest. "I don't want to go home tomorrow let's go to Guelph."

"Where Jeff lives? I don't think so," I shake my head.

"I thought you liked competition?"

"That doesn't mean I'm going to drive you there. Would you rather be with him?"

"I didn't say that," she replies dragging her finger over my chest. "Do you ever think how Sean's life would be different if you weren't around?" She asks quietly after a few minutes.

"Sometimes but he still would have had Mom to take care of. Why?"

"No reason," she says so softly I barely hear her.

"You never did tell me what happened during your camping trip with Drew," I comment. I feel her body go tight, she curls up even tighter and seems to stop breathing all together. I hold her tighter just as she bursts into tears. "Clare?" She only shakes her head and clings to me so I hold her tighter and stroke her back wondering exactly what did happen with her brother in the woods.

**(JAY)**

"So where's your brother taking Clare tonight?" I ask Sean. We're at The Dock Ellis with Johnny and Owen, everyone else has plans or work tonight but the four of us are getting dinner and then we'll get costumes for my Halloween party and some decorations too.

"That's for her brothers to worry about not me," Sean shakes his head.

"I don't think her brothers worry about her with Fitz," Owen remarks.

"And they shouldn't my brother will take excellent care of her," Sean replies.

"So Owen you going to tell us what you've been so busy with lately?" I ask.

"Hockey tryouts," he responds.

"You've never had to try out for the DeGrassi team, you earned your spot right from junior high," I comment.

"Yeah but they're recruiting from all over the province they acquired a junior pro team. I'm not supposed to say anything but it will be announced soon because they have to get billet families for the other players. I haven't met any of the other team yet but I know I'm the only one from Toronto to make it. They're still doing tryouts for a few spots too but they've narrowed down to the final ones for each position."

"Awesome," I grin slapping him on the back.

"Yeah congratulations Buddy that's great," Johnny smiles.

"Way to go I bet your parents were proud," Sean says.

"Yeah very. I told Clare and Adam but no one else yet."

We eat and talk and watch the sports playing on the TV in the bar. Before we leave to go to the costume shop I use the washroom. When I leave the washroom I see a familiar face, one I haven't seen since going to DeGrassi.

"Manny!"

"Hogart, good to see you," she grins.

She was good friends with Emma in school although never quite a part of the gang she was sort of on the fringes of it. She dates Spinner for a bit after he fought with Paige and she was always in competition with Paige. We dated a short time in high school before she moved to Los Angeles.

"Are you back in town?" I question.

"For a little bit," she replies.

"Well if you're in town next weekend I'm having a Halloween party at my place Saturday night. Everyone will be there Paige included of course so no fighting with her."

"Oh please my rivalry with Paigey ended in high school," she says taking a pen from her purse and taking my hand she starts writing on it, "here's my number text me address."

"Yeah," I smile as she saunters off.

"Ready to go?" Sean asks when I return to the table and I nod.

"Is that a number on your hand?" Owen asks.

"Yeah I ran into Manny and she's coming to the party."

"Well it's been a few years since they saw each other maybe Paige won't kill her," Johnny laughs.

"I'm sure Paige won't do anything, she's grown up a lot since high school," Sean remarks.

We get in my car and drive to the costume mega shop where we start looking around at costumes. I'm sort of looking but I'm thinking about Manny, and hoping Paige doesn't get mad that I invited her.

"You can go as a gorilla," Sean laughs.

"I was thinking something more like this," I remark pulling a sexy fireman costume from the rack.

"I've got my costume are you guys ready yet?" Johnny asks holding a bag.

Owen is buying his costume and Sean picks out a Robin Hood costume for himself and a Maid Marion costume for Emma. Now that we all have our costumes we pick out some decorations before heading back to my place. We hang out and drink a few beers, Owen goes home first and Johnny crashes on my sofa. Sean goes home when Johnny falls asleep on my sofa. I go up to my room and text Manny my address and when to show up for the party and she texts back saying she'll be here.

**Update next Saturday might begin with Jeff's pov and maybe just maybe we'll get to the Halloween party…maybe.**


	26. Empty Cans and Walls of Graffiti

**And we're back…again. I know it's been pretty chaotic and the long stories were back for just a few weeks before going on hold again so I could move. But I did move and long stories are back now and there won't be another short story month or one shot week until July.**

**May and June calendars have been added to the DeGrassi Saviors website, the mobile calendar will be updated later this week.**

**I've also added 17 upcoming stories to the list on my profile pages. Yes I was able to plot 17 new stories for us all to look forward to! For now enjoy tonight's chapter and the return of Swirling Storm Inside.**

**Ch. 26 Empty Cans and Walls of Graffiti**

**(JEFF)**

"You heard anything yet?" Dallas asks me.

It's Sunday and a bunch of us are at Hamburger Hippo hanging out, mostly talking about Halloween but Dallas and I have both been trying out for the DeGrassi Ice Hounds. No one else really knows about the Ice Hounds and we're not really supposed to say anything so we're keeping it vague.

"Not yet," I shake my head.

"Isn't that your girl outside?" Dallas comments pointing out the window and I see Clare getting out of a car and walking in.

She sees me as soon as she comes in and saunters over; she sits in my lap and kisses me before I can ask what she's doing here. Dallas is amused and slapping my shoulder playfully and a couple guys are whistling.

"Hi what you are doing here? Who dropped you off?" I question reasonably sure no one she knows would drive her here and let her be dropped off with me.

"I felt like coming and Johnny brought me," she replies with a bit of a shrug.

"Sweet," I grin tightening my arms around her a little.

"Johnny has some stuff to do he'll be back to get me in a few hours. I think we should go back to your house where it's a little more private," Clare comments eating one of my fries.

"My parents are home my house is not going to be private," I reply and Clare pouts.

"No one's home at my place you can go there, my parents are out of town," Dallas says.

"Thanks but I don't want you walking in on things," I respond picturing Dallas coming in as we're doing carnal things. Not to mention it might be weird trying to have sexy time in his room. "Let's get out of here I think I know where we can go to be alone," I tell Clare.

We wave to the others and leave getting in my car. We can't really go to my house but we can use my dad's detached workshop, he and my mom are working on their bathroom and retiling the floor so we should be safe from anyone coming in there. There's not much in the workshop but there is a sofa and that's probably all we need.

"I thought you didn't want to come home because your parents were home," Clare remarks when we get to my house.

"I don't but my dad has a workshop in the back with a sofa," I tell her and she smiles.

We go through the gate and sneak into the back and the shed. The sofa is a little dirty but I put a canvas down which is a little cleaner. I barely open my mouth before Clare pulls me down and snatches my lips. We stay mostly dressed and have a fast fuck on the sofa. And then we leave my house to go get something to eat.

"So did things not go well with Fitz?" I inquire while we're eating fast food in my car.

"No things went great with Fitz our date was good. He's not my boyfriend though we've been on one date and I felt like coming here today," she replies.

"So how much longer do you have?" I question.

"A couple more hours I guess, Johnny said he'd call me when he was ready to go. Let's go do something," Clare says finishing her food.

"Do something like what?"

"I don't know what is there to do in Guelph on a Sunday?"

"We usually hang at Hamburger Hippo but there's bowling and mini-golf, the mall and stuff," I reply.

"We could call Dallas and see what he's doing."

"So me and Fitz competing for you isn't enough you?" I question.

"I didn't say I wanted him to compete for me I said we could go see what he was doing. If you don't want to play with others why don't fuck again in the back of your car," she says.

"You're ready to go again?"

"Yep, you're not going to argue are you because Fitz knows me well and he took an awful lot of convincing before he would make love to me."

"I don't need any convincing but let me park somewhere more private than this," I comment and she smiles. I drive a little bit to a more wooded area where we're not likely to have anyone happen along while we're having sex. We crawl into the back and she's on top this time.

"That was fun, definitely got some cardio today," Clare says when we're done and she's crawling into the front again.

"Yeah I think I've had more of a workout than at a normal hockey practice," I comment getting back in the driver's seat.

"We should probably get back to Hamburger Hippo, Johnny will probably call soon. It was fun though next time I need a really athletic fuck I'll find a way to come back."

I'm tempted to tell her that I'm trying out for the Ice Hounds and could be living in Toronto in a couple of months. However I don't know if she knows about the Ice Hounds and I may not make it onto the Ice Hounds.

"You know I'll be up at Christmas break and maybe after that," I tell her as I begin driving again.

"Christmas is two months away a lot can happen in that time," she remarks.

"Yeah like you could be Fitz's girlfriend by that time."

"Maybe, he'd have to ask me first and I might not yes even if he does. And if I was Fitz's girlfriend when you came out?"

"I'm not afraid of competition, I thrive on it," I grin.

We get back to Hamburger Hippo and pretty much everyone is still here and a few other people have shown up. Dallas grins when we come in and gets up so Clare can sit down.

"So what have you two been doing?" Dallas asks in a slightly teasing tone while wiggling his eyebrows.

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Clare replies with a coy smile.

We sit down with everyone and Clare stays for a bit but Johnny calls after about half an hour and says he's on his way. Clare waits until she sees Johnny's car and then kisses me goodbye before she leaves.

"So what were you two doing?" Dallas asks when Clare is gone.

"Something I hope to be doing a lot more of with her soon."

**(DREW)**

"Clare went out with Johnny and we need to talk," I tell my brothers when Spinner gets home from work. Usually our house is full of people but right now it's surprisingly quiet, everyone is out or busy doing other things which means they are not at our house.

"Is this about the camping trip?" Spinner asks and I nod.

"Yeah I found out some things that are kind of disturbing."

"Like what?" Adam questions.

"Like she feels like she was a mistake because Mom died giving birth to her. She feels like she's not worth anything so nothing she does matters because she's not even supposed to be alive. She feels like she deserves to be with someone that doesn't treat her well and isn't going to make anything of their life. She feels this huge hole because she never knew mom and she doesn't feel like she should even be here and she's slowly killing herself with the choices she's making."

After enlightening my bothers about the things I learned from Clare on our camping trip I watch both Adam and Spinner just deflate. It's like watching them get shot the way they double over and just kind of collapse. They're faces are horrified, Adam looks like he might cry but I know how they feel.

"Where is she?" Spinner asks and his voice cracks a little.

"She went out with Johnny," Adam replies.

"Did she say she's slowly killing herself?" Spinner asks.

"No but after talking to her and listening to her and the way she talked about whether it was Fitz or Jeff, and thinking about the things she does it just makes sense. I'm not even sure if she realizes she's doing it but she gets herself into all these dangerous situations and doing things like she's just trying to feel something or give herself a purpose or fill that hole I'm not sure," I reply. Spinner and I are both looking at Adam and he notices.

"What? Don't look at me I don't feel that way, not like she does. I feel the same hole for not knowing Mom but I don't blame myself for Mom dying. I guess I was born first or maybe just struggling with being transgender took over anything I might feel for being responsible for Mom's death. And I had no idea she felt that way. I thought the rebellion was just about being the baby and the only girl."

"So what do we do?" Spinner questions.

"I have no idea, just remind her that we love her and she is worth everything to us. Spend a lot more time with her; send her out with the girls more. I honestly don't know. I tried talking to her and confronting her about what she said and she just refuses to talk about it, she gets very defensive. If we talk to her I feel like it could just make things worse," I reply, I've been trying to figure out what to do since she told me.

We're all silent while we ponder what to do about Clare. We all have the same worry, I can see it on their faces, worried that she's going to go too far one day or get herself into a situation she can't get out of.

"Why do you three look like someone died?" Paige questions when she comes home.

"We're just thinking," Spinner replies.

"Uh-huh," Paige replies coming over and kissing Spin before she walking back to their bedroom.

"Maybe we should talk to everyone but Clare. Well almost everyone we'll need to get Clare out but if we talk to everyone, or most everyone in our group then we don't have to talk to Clare. We've always watched her and been protective but we didn't know any of this. We thought she was being rebellious and seeking attention but if we all know that she's got these other motives and feelings are influencing her choices then maybe we can stop her. Maybe we can anticipate and approach her differently and Drew is right spending more time with her and showing her that we want to spend time with her might help. It sure as hell can't hurt," Adam says.

"Yeah good idea, the sooner the better let's figure out how to get Clare out of the house and everyone else here so we can tell them. In the meantime stay with her, just watch her and make sure she's always with one of us," Spinner says. Adam and I nod and then Clare comes in and we all look at her.

"What?" She asks.

"Nothing," we all reply together and she twists her face at us.

"Something is going on," Clare says with suspicion in her tone.

"What did you do with Johnny?" Adam asks changing the subject.

"We went to Guelph," she replies.

"You mean you went to see Jeff," I comment.

"Maybe," Clare responds before walking back to her room.

"I'll go stay with her," Adam says disappearing down the hall.

"How could she have felt that way all this time and we've been totally clueless? How could we not know our baby sister felt like she shouldn't even be here?" Spinner exhales.

"I don't think she even knew she felt that way until she told me. I think it's the first time she's ever voiced it and realized that's what she was feeling."

"Yeah well I know she thinks camping was some form of punishment but I'm extremely glad I made her go. If we hadn't we might not have known she felt that way until it was too late."

**(LUCAS)**

"Wow you look incredibly incredible," I whistle when I pick Mia up for Jay's Halloween party. She's dressed as a witch but not an ugly warty green witch she's dressed like a good witch. Her dress only goes to her knees and it has a deep neckline. It starts as black and transitions to deep blue at the hem. She has dark blue heels and her hair is up bat barrettes in it and she has this stunning makeup.

"Well thank you and you look very handsome," she grins. I dressed as a twenties gangster.

"Thank you, come my mistress of the dark we have a party to get to," I comment.

I take her hand and we go to my car. I drive us to Jay's and go in, I know the door won't be locked and it looks like we're the last one's here. Maya and Adam came as Mickey and Minnie Mouse, Spinner and Paige are a doctor and his sexy nurse; Sean and Emma are both vampires. That appears to be all the couples costumes, Drew is dressed as a knight and Bianca is Cleopatra, Jenna is dressed as an angel and K.C. is in a fireman costume. Owen is dressed in a karate uniform and looks a little like The Karate Kid and Johnny is dressed like a Goth. Tris isn't here because he's at a Halloween party with his boyfriends. Zig is wearing black clothes and a leather jacket and put his hair into a Mohawk. Fitz seems to be wearing nothing but his normal clothes and little devil horns stuck to his forehead somehow.

I don't see Clare anywhere but she must be here, last night after the game Clare went with Maya and Jenna to Maya's and the rest of us went back to the Mason's. That's when Adam, Drew and Spinner told us that what Clare told Dew on the camping trip. It gave us all a new perspective on Clare and it wasn't necessarily a good one, her behavior made a lot more sense but we were all worried that she'd just go too far. So I knew there was no way her brothers would let her go to a different party. I see that I'm right when she comes out of the washroom dressed as a devil; she's got a long red dress on with a frayed bottom that looks a little like flame. The dress goes to her ankles but has two large slits up the side so most of her legs are exposed. There's a black sash around the waist and a rubber chest piece that looks like flame, and it has long sleeves with frayed ends. She wears a red wig that's long and has black heels.

"Hi Lucas," Clare grins hugging me and then she looks at Mia, "you must be Mia. Lucas was right you are very beautiful."

"Mia this is Clare," I introduce them.

"It's nice to meet you Clare," Mia smiles and Clare hugs her.

"Hey Lucas," Fitz says coming over to Clare.

"This is my demon Fitz, this is Mia," Clare grins.

Mia greets him and we make our way around the room greeting everyone else. She's heard about all these people so she's finally putting a person to the name. While we're talking to Spinner and Paige the door opens again and Manny Santos walks in dressed as a slutty witch, I heard that Jay ran into her and invited her to the party. Jay goes over and greets her, introduces her to everyone else and they get a drink sitting in the corner of the living room to talk. After a while they disappear into the back and they don't return.

"So Lucas says you're studying marketing at U of T," Johnny says sitting down with us.

"Yeah I like it marketing is a little bit of everything he told me you were in the literature program. Are you liking that?" Mia asks.

"Yeah books have always been big for me. How are you liking Toronto?"

"It's great so far, well aside from getting held up in the laundromat. But that also brought me Lucas, he saved me and I never would have met him if I hadn't been there that night," Mia says kissing my cheek and Johnny smiles.

"He's definitely lucky to have found you," Johnny quips and I shoot him a look. "Lucas is great I don't know what we'd do without him," Johnny adds and Mia gives me an admiring smile.

We talk to just about everyone for a little while and Mia gets to know them a little bit. The only people we don't talk to are Jay because he went into the back with Manny, and Clare and Fitz who at some point vanish and never return. I do hear from Adam that Fitz took her home.

"I had a lot of fun tonight, your friends are great. You know I don't have school tomorrow and you don't have work, maybe I could come over tonight," Mia comments with a grin when we're back in my car.

I don't even reply just smile and start driving to my place. Almost as soon as we're in the door Mia kisses me. I pick her up into my arms and take her to my bedroom. We get out of our costumes and make love for hours before falling asleep together. We make breakfast together the next morning and she stays with me most of the day just chilling at my place. She does have school tomorrow and I have work tonight so I take her home in the afternoon. I have a little while before I need to be at work and I need to eat so I call Jay and see what he's up to.

"Hey Lucas."

"Hey what are you doing? Wanna grab some dinner with me before I head into work?"

"Yeah sounds good," he replies. We agree on a place to meet and I just head there and grab a table and Jay joins me when he comes.

"So you disappeared pretty quickly last night," I comment when he sits down.

"Yeah I guess I missed my own party but Manny wanted to go back my room almost as soon as she got there. It was a great night but she was gone when I woke up this morning and I haven't heard from her. I'm feeling a little used but I was used in a good way at least. You seemed really happy with Mia last night, for the little bit of time I saw you anyway," Jay remarks.

"Mia is amazing, she's sweet and smart and so incredibly beautiful I think I'm falling in love already," I grin just thinking about Mia.

"It's about time you found someone good," Jay smiles.

"I feel like I'm walking on air, I'm telling you I'm going to marry that girl."

**(CLARE)**

"Another bad dream?" Spinner asks when he finds me on the sofa early Halloween morning.

"Fitz was snoring," I reply. Fitz has been sleeping in my room since Friday night. On Saturday we went to Jay's Halloween party and hung out a couple hours before coming back to my place to be alone for the rest of the evening. Actually Fitz has hardly left my side since Friday night, actually everyone has been very attentive to me since Friday night and my brothers have been very attentive and wanting to spend time with me since I came home from Guelph last weekend. I think Spinner knows I'm not a virgin anymore and he's making them all watch me even more closely, although he's still letting me spend a lot of time alone with Fitz.

"You want to come to The Dot for breakfast?" Spinner asks and I nod.

I got to my room and grab my clothes and what I need for school. I guess I wore Fitz out because he doesn't even stir. I get dressed and ready in the washroom and then leave with Spinner. He starts the coffee and I help him with opening the café a bit before sitting down to eat breakfast. Spinner talks to me while he finishes opening, asking about Fitz and school and other things. When I know school is open and Spin is busy working I leave and walk to school. I go into my locker to put away books then sit on the steps just inside and wait for people to get there.

"Hey Mason you want to come to my Halloween party and Trick-or-Treat in my pants?"

The crude comment comes from a boy on the soccer team who is also in a couple of my classes. I give him a twisted smile and reach for his belt.

"The only thing in your pants is mini and I don't do mini. Now you and your moron friends get out of my face," I reply.

"Problem Clare?" Owen asks and I see him at the bottom of the steps with Tris.

"Nothing I can't handle," I reply standing up and pushing my way past the guys.

Tris stays with us until his boyfriends come and then he leaves us. It's not long after that Drew and Bianca show up followed by Adam, Maya and Fitz. K.C. comes but says Jenna isn't feeling well and she stayed home and no one can find Zig. Adam leaves messages with Johnny and Sean that Zig isn't at school.

"Did you have another bad dream?" Fitz asks when we're sitting in class.

"You were snoring and it woke me up early," I reply.

"Sorry you could have kicked me out the bed," Fitz apologizes.

"I like having you in my bed anyway it wasn't that early," I shrug.

Since it is Halloween almost all our classes are Halloween themed. There's no dance or anything at the school tonight but a few people are having Halloween parties. Aside from that it's a normal day at school and Drew, Owen and K.C. have football practice after school.

"No one has heard from Zig and he's not picking up his phone so we're going to split up and look for him," Tris tells me.

"We'll take Tris and drive around between here and downtown," Zane says.

"Fitz and I will start walking the ravine," I volunteer for us.

"I'll take Adam and Maya and drive around the neighborhoods in the other direction. Lucas and Johnny are already out looking and Sean, Jay, Owen and K.C. will join the hunt if we haven't found him by the time they're done with work and practice," Bianca tells us.

We split up and start on the hunt, the last time someone went missing we found K.C. badly beaten and barely alive in an alleyway so we're all worried. Fitz and I walk from the school down to the ravine. We know a lot of the kids that hang out down here and we ask if anyone has seen Zig but no one has. There's also miles and miles along the ravine so we just keep walking. We see a lot of kids but no sign of Zig. We've already heard from the other's that Zig isn't at any of our places or his.

"Maybe we should start calling hospitals and police stations," I sigh when we reach an old railroad bridge along the route. You can tell that kids hang out here because there's empty beer cans and empty cans of pop strewn about and graffiti on the walls. I sit down on a crate feeling defeated and Fitz also looks worried.

"Let's rest a minute and keep going, we won't be able to call hospitals from here," Fitz says. We sit there for a moment but when we hear a group of footsteps approaching Fitz stands up.

"Well now what have we got here?" A black boy with sharp features approaches us at the head of a pack of other boys. I don't recognize him but apparently Fitz does.

"Back off Vince," Fitz growls.

"Easy Fitzy boy you're in our territory just what are you two doing here and who is this cutie?" Vince asks flipping one of my curls.

"Stay away from her," Fitz growls stepping between us.

"He your boyfriend?" Vince asks me.

"He hasn't asked me yet."

"Well then I think you should come with us we'll give you a real treat for Halloween," Vince grins.

"Sounds like a fun gang bang," I respond sarcastically, "but we're looking for someone."

"Feisty, I like you," Vince grins eyeing me up and down with a grin.

"We need to go," Fitz insists.

"What's the rush Fitzy? Worried your girl will like me better than you?" Vince laughs.

"Like she said we're looking for someone," Fitz replies clenching his fists and stiffening up.

"Well who are you looking for maybe we can help?"

"Our friend Zig Novak," I inform them and Vince gets this slightly malevolent grin on his lips.

"Yeah we know Zig, he owed me something and we collected last night," Vince replies and I feel a cold chill go through me with this reply.

"What the hell did you do to Zig?" Fitz snarls taking a step toward Vince and getting out his switch blade.

Vince never loses his smile but he grabs Fitz by the shirt and shoves him into the cement wall. At the same time Vince pulls a gun from his waistband, he cocks it and holds it under Fitz's chin. My heart is pounding and I'm terrified that I'm about to watch Vince shoot Fitz.

"MARK!" I scream fearing for his life and it feels like time freezes in this horrifying moment.

**Is that a truly cruel cliffhanger? The update next Saturday will pick up from here, we'll find out Fitz's fate and what happened to Zig. There might be some more Lucas and Mia as well.**


	27. A Night Cut Down by Tragedy

**May and June calendars have been added to the DeGrassi Saviors website, the mobile calendar will be updated later this week.**

**I've also added 17 upcoming stories to the list on my profile pages. Yes I was able to plot 17 new stories for us all to look forward to! **

**WARNING! This chapter contains possible triggers please read with caution.**

**Ch. 27 A Night Cut Down by Tragedy**

**(CLARE)**

"What the hell did you do to Zig?" Fitz snarls taking a step toward Vince and getting out his switch blade.

Vince never loses his smile but he grabs Fitz by the shirt and shoves him into the cement wall. At the same time Vince pulls a gun from his waistband, he cocks it and holds it under Fitz's chin. My heart is pounding and I'm terrified that I'm about to watch Vince shoot Fitz.

"MARK!" I scream fearing for his life and it feels like time freezes in this horrifying moment. Fitz moves his hand to stab Vince but one of his boys sees and hits Fitz's wrist into the wall until Fitz drops the knife. "STOP IT! What are you doing let go of him," I plead grabbing Vince's arm and trying somewhat fruitlessly to pull Vince away from Fitz. I'm sure they're going to kill him and I'm almost shaking with fear. "Vince stop let him go. I'll do whatever you want just leave him alone," I beg in desperation and now Vince turns his attention from Fitz to me.

"Clare what are you doing you can't give yourself to this c…"

"Shut up Fitzy," Vince hisses hitting Fitz across the face with the gun. I gasp and it gets caught in my throat, my eyes closing briefly in fear as much from the sound the gun hitting Fitz's face makes as the thought that the gun could have gone off just now. "Quiet Fitzy boy or I'll shoot your tongue off. If Clare wants to trade her body for your life I don't see any problem with it," Vince grins at me and looks at the boys with him. "Hold him here while I see how much Clare can handle," Vince tells them and they start laughing.

Vince let's go of Fitz and turns to me, he starts reaching out his hand for me while his boys begin stepping toward Fitz. In the split second that Vince has let go of Fitz and is reaching for me Fitz grabs him by the hood of his hoodie. He yanks Vince back and grabs the gun from him. Vince's boys all start reaching for their own weapons but Fitz now has Vince's gun and he uses it to shoot Vince in the foot! The sound especially under the bridge is incredibly loud and my ears are ringing. Vince screams in pain, his boys are startled that Fitz actually shot and they freeze for a second but it's enough. Fitz keeps the gun, takes my hand and we take off running. We run out from under the bridge and then Fitz turns so we're not running in the open. It's not enough however as we hear gunfire behind us. Under the bridge it was a horribly deafening sound but now it sounds like pops. My heart is pounding and I'm holding to Fitz tight, he turns and fires the gun again not really aiming just firing back or maybe trying to scare them. We keep running, zigzagging through the trees and running as fast as we can. Suddenly I feel a searing in my right leg, at first it doesn't hurt it's just hot but then I feel pain.

"Agghh," I scream and stumble to the ground. Fitz turns to me as I fall and let go of his hand.

"Fuck," Fitz says firing a couple more times and then sticking the gun in his back waistband picks me up.

He runs again, exiting the ravine as soon as he can and now that we're in the open Vince's boys seem to have backed off. Fitz keeps running a short distance but we know this neighborhood, this is our neighborhood and we're near Sean and Jay's garage which is exactly where Fitz goes.

"SEAN!" Fitz yells running into the garage portion and not the office.

"What the fuck happened?" Sean asks pulling Fitz into the locker room with me. Before Fitz can answer Jay comes back, he looks at me, grabs the first aid kit and starts wrapping a roll of gauze around my calf.

"I'll call for an ambulance," Jay says.

"Better get the cops too we ran into Vince Bell and some of his gang. I took his gun when he tried to take Clare, I shot him in the foot and we ran. His guys shot at us, I still have the gun," Fitz tells them.

"You two are lucky you're not dead," Jay comments grabbing his cell from his locker.

"Vince also commented that he was the reason Zig is missing," Fitz enlightens them and they both go a little white. Jay calls 911 and Fitz puts more gauze on my leg.

"I don't feel so good," I complain as things start to spin a little and I begin to feel woozy.

"Yeah you've been shot in the leg and you're losing blood," Fitz says putting an arm around me and I lean against him.

"Cops and an ambulance are on the way," Jay tells me.

"I'd better call Spinner, Fitz keep her conscious until the ambulance gets here we don't want her going into shock," Sean instructs. Just as Tony comes back to the locker room, he sees all the blood and tells Sean and Jay that he'll cover their load and call in another mechanic.

Sean calls Spinner and I hear Spinner yell loudly when Sean tells him I've been shot in the leg. Fitz forces me to talk to him until an ambulance comes. The EMTs put me on a gurney but I'm still holding Fitz.

"No I don't want to go alone, I hate hospitals," I shake my head.

"Fitz and Sean have to go with the cops. I'll come with you," Jay says and I let go of Fitz.

"Jay we need to find Zig, I think Vince did something with him," I assert as the ambulance begins rushing to the hospital.

"We will don't worry about it, now be quiet and let the EMTs do their job. Just don't flirt with them," Jay comments.

"I like flirting," I giggle.

"Yeah I know," Jay replies with a sardonic tone.

"She's lost a lot of blood for a single wound in the calf how long was she bleeding?" The EMT asks Jay.

"I don't know our friend just came running in with her, they were getting shot at he was more worried about getting her to safety than wrapping her leg," Jay responds.

"We were under an old railway bridge," I tell them.

"She's probably been bleeding for fifteen or twenty minutes then," Jay sighs.

"Tell them to have blood ready," the EMT calls to his partner.

We reach the hospital and the EMTs take me out running me inside with Jay following. It's bright in the hospital and a doctor comes running over with a couple of nurses.

"Fifteen year old female with a GSW to the right calf, no exit. She had been bleeding for about fifteen twenty minutes her BP is 80/50 she' going to need blood," the EMTs tell the doctors as they hand me over.

The next few minutes are mostly a blur; I'm rushed into a room and hooked to an IV for blood and fluids. They bring in a mobile X-ray and take a shot of my leg, then they elevate it and that's when Spinner bursts into the room. His eyes are wide; he looks frantic and worried and rushes over to me kissing my forehead.

"Are you okay?" Spinner questions just as the door opens and the doctor comes in.

"She's alright; she's extremely lucky the bullet went into her calf and lodged in the muscle. Minimal damage to the muscle, it didn't hit the bone, just some tissue and muscle damage. We're getting her stabilized because she lost a significant amount of blood. We need to give her blood and bring up her blood pressure before we operate to remove the bullet. You can see it here, as I said she was extremely lucky if it had hit the bone are gone in higher at her knee it could have done significant damage. Have her parents been notified? We need paperwork signed."

"Our parents are deceased I'm her oldest brother and I have guardianship. I'll sign the papers," Spinner tells him. The doctor nods and leaves the room. "Drew and Adam are coming," Spinner says when the doctor is gone.

"No why would they come here everyone needs to look for Zig! Vince did something to him he's probably more hurt than me you all need to go find Zig," I assert in a desperate voice.

"I'll get a hold of everyone and tell them about Vince, make sure everyone else is looking for Zig but I don't think we can stop your brothers from coming to the hospital for you," Jay comments.

"You have to find him, Vince did something bad please find Zig," I beg.

"We will Clare just relax okay we'll find Zig," Jay assures me and I nod.

"Jay what about Fitz? He's not going to be arrested is he? Vince had a gun to Fitz and he only shot Vince in the foot so we could get away."

"I'm sure Fitz is fine, he'll give a statement and they'll see it was self-defense and release him. Besides he shot Vince in the foot, he wanted to wound not kill. I'll text Sean and call the others so we can go find Zig and we'll check in with you later," Jay remarks. He kisses my forehead too and hugs Spin before leaving my hospital room.

"Don't you ever scare me like that again," Spinner says.

"I was only shot in the leg and it's not like we went looking for Vince we were looking for Zig."

Spinner opens his mouth to talk again but the door opens and my brothers come in with their girlfriends and Paige. Drew hugs me, Adam hugs me and holds my hand, everyone looks a little white, you'd think I was clinging to life the way their all acting. Maya, Bianca and Paige hug me when Drew and Adam let go. I tell them all I'm fine and they ask what happened but I don't have time to tell them because the doctor comes in. He says I'll be taken to surgery in half an hour; I should be stable by then. I'll be awake for the surgery they'll just numb my leg.

"I want to go home after the surgery, I want to find Zig," I insist.

"One of our friends is missing will she be able to go home after the surgery?" Spinner asks.

"It's an outpatient surgery since the bullet didn't do too much damage. As long as there are no complications during the surgery it should be fine but she'll need to stay here for an hour or so for observation after surgery. If she's stable after that she can go home," the doctor replies.

"I'll call Jay and have everyone meet at our house to regroup and eat, hopefully by the time you're ready to go home Zig will have been found," Spinner says.

He leaves my room to call and I lay back closing my eyes and praying that Zig is okay.

**(ADAM)**

"Okay Clare you're stable and the surgery was a success you can go home. Stay off the leg completely for a few days, we'll send you home with crutches and some pain medication along with standard anti-biotics. Schedule a follow up appointment in about five days so we can see how the leg is healing."

"Thanks Doc, I'll get her signed out and get everything you need, can one of you get her home?" Spinner requests.

"Yeah I'll get her home," Drew nods.

"I'll stay with you," Paige says.

The girls help Clare get dressed again while Drew gets his car and pulls up to the emergency entrance. When Clare is dressed Spin carries her out to Drew's car and sets her in the back. Maya and I get in Bianca's car and we follow Drew and Clare home.

"I hope they've found Zig," Maya says from the backseat of Bianca's car.

"We'll find him," I assure her reaching back to take her hand but I'm worried too.

When we pull up to my house it looks like the only ones not here are Spin, Paige and Zig. I even see Sean's car so he and Fitz must be done at the police station. Drew picks Clare up and carries her in because she can't put weight on her leg for a few days. I walk ahead and open the door letting Clare and Drew in first.

"Are you okay?" Fitz asks her.

"I'm fine, it was in the muscle just can't walk for a few days. What happened at the police station? You're not in trouble are you?"

"No I told them what happened and turned over the gun. They'll want a statement from you too, said they wanted to talk to me again but I'm not under arrest. Vince went to the hospital for his foot, he'll live he just won't be out of the hospital for a few days and has to have surgeries. The police will talk to him when they can and they're trying to round up his gang," Fitz says taking Clare from Drew and they set her on the sofa. Drew brings over a chair and puts a pillow on it so Clare can put her leg on it.

"Where's Zig?" Clare asks when she's settled.

"Has anyone found him? Has anyone heard from him?" Maya questions in a tone strained by fear.

"No we've looked everywhere he's not at home and we drove around, his mom hasn't heard anything, we even called hospitals," Lucas says.

"Spinner and Paige will be here soon we should eat and we'll go back out," Jay comments.

"Except Clare you need to rest," Drew commands.

Emma orders some pizza for all of us but I don't know that anyone is very hungry. Spinner and Paige arrive before the pizza; they bring in crutches for Clare and a bag of meds. We tell them that no one has heard from Zig yet and they sit down with everyone else. When the pizza comes most people put in some cash for it and Spin starts to get out plates. When my phone rings everyone looks at me probably hoping it's Zig.

"It's Dave," I tell them and walk down the hall to talk. I figure he probably heard from his dad about Clare getting shot and Fitz and Sean at the police station. "Hey Dave."

"My dad just got home and told me Zig was found shot earlier."

"What? But we called the hospitals a…"

"Adam," Dave cuts me off, "he's dead. He was shot in the face."

I sink back against the wall and feel the breath leaving my body, "N…no he can't be."

"He was a John Doe they couldn't identify him, not until Fitz brought in the gun and told them about Vince. His mom just went down there and identified him. Dad knew I went to school with him so he told me, he's talking to Simpson now but I didn't know if you guys had heard."

"No we were going to go back out and look for him. I'd better go tell everyone else thanks for calling Dave."

"Yeah see you tomorrow," Dave says and hangs up.

"What is it?" Clare asks when I walk back into the living room.

"Zig is dead, Vince shot him," I tell everyone.

Immediately everyone stops eating, if they were hungry no one is hungry now. Jenna starts to cry and K.C. puts his arm around her. Most everyone else goes white or some shade of green, everyone except Clare and Maya that is. Clare loses all the color in her face, she doesn't go white she loses all color and looks like she's just going to pass out.

"I don't feel so good I'm going to my room," Clare announces quietly and begins to get up apparently forgetting that she can't put weight on her leg. Thankfully Fitz is next to her, he scoops her up before she can put her foot on the floor. She puts her arms around his neck and Fitz takes Clare back to her room. I know Fitz will take very good care of my sister which is important because right now Maya needs me more. For a moment Maya just stands there completely still like she's been turned off. And then she breaks down, she starts shaking and tears begin rolling down her cheeks.

"No! No he's not dead he can't be dead!" Maya shrieks and runs out to our backyard so I follow her. "He's not dead, he's not it's some kind of Halloween trick! Someone is playing a cruel joke on us Zig is not dead Adam," she says with a tormented and desperate voice before collapsing to the ground. I sit down next to her shrouding her in my arms as she sobs on my chest.

"It's him Maya, Zig is gone. His mom identified him, he was shot with Vince's gun which Fitz took and turned over to the cops. I know it hurts but Zig is gone."

"No he can't be gone, he's my friend! We talked about music; he was nice how can he be gone? Why would Vince shoot him? Just who the hell is Vince?"

"A gang leader, he's Tiny's brother."

"No Tiny is our friend, he's Tristan's friend."

"Tiny didn't shoot him Vince did and I don't know why but Vince won't get away with it."

"He can't be dead Adam, I don't believe you, he can't be I want to see him," Maya says and rips herself from my arms. She gets up and runs from the yard through the fence. I get up and follow her out to the street.

"MAYA," I scream as she nearly runs out into the street in front of a car. With a burst of adrenaline I catch her and yank her back just before she gets hit. We both fall to the sidewalk and I hold her tight. From the corner of my eye I see some people coming out of my house. "You could have gotten yourself killed. You can't see Zig, not now he was shot in the face Maya. I know it hurts, Zig was my friend too and it hurts that he's dead and especially because we don't know why but killing yourself isn't going to help."

"Sean, Em, Paige and I are going to Zig's to see if we can do anything for his family. Everyone else is staying here, pretty sure everyone's sleeping over," Spinner tells us. He looks at Maya with compassionate pity but doesn't ask if we're okay because he knows we're not.

"Come one Maya let's go inside and be with everyone, Zig was important to all of us and I've lost enough people to know it helps to be together," I insist.

Maya nods a little and I help her to stand so we can go inside. Lucas gets off the sofa and we sit down, Maya sits in my lap and I hold her tight.

"Halloween will never be the same," Bianca remarks.

"Yeah it will always be the day Zig died," Tristan comments and Maya starts crying a little harder.

Maya continues sobbing violently and I hold her tighter, she cries so hard she cries herself to sleep. I pick her up and take her into my room putting her on the bed. She's out, exhausted from crying and the day's emotions, first Zig is missing then we hear that Clare had been shot and Fitz was at the police station. Now our friend is dead, a friend we saw just two days ago at Jay's party and now he's gone and no one knows why or how he ever got involved with Vince Bell. After getting Maya in the bed I decide to go check on Clare since neither she nor Fitz have come out of her room and we haven't heard anything from them in over an hour. I don't knock I already know they aren't doing anything I don't want to walk in on. Fitz is holding her and looks over when I come in; he kisses her temple softly and motions to me.

"How you feelin'?"

"I can't believe he's gone, I didn't know Zig that well but he was always around. I don't want to lose anyone else," Clare says quietly.

"Yeah I know me either. Do you need anything?"

"Water would be good, I'd get it but she hasn't let me go," Fitz comments.

"That's okay I got it. I think everyone is sleeping here I don't think anyone else will sleep in your room because you'd have to get around them on crutches or someone carrying you but the house will pretty full," I tell them and go out to the kitchen to get some water for the two of them.

I bring a couple water bottles to Clare's room and let my sister quietly grieve with Fitz. Everyone in the living room is either crying or somber and silent; Tris is being comforted by his boyfriends who are maybe the least affected because they didn't really know Zig. Jenna is sobbing silently and clutching K.C. while gently caressing her stomach as if to remember she holds a life inside of her. Bianca leans against Drew, neither is crying but they have tear streaks on their cheeks and they both have shocked, blank stares of devastation on their faces. Owen, Lucas, Jay and Johnny are silent and stoic, you can see the pain in their eyes though, and the guilt. I ask if anyone needs anything and they all shake their heads. I go into the kitchen to start cleaning, I start washing dishes just to be doing something, I need to be doing something or it's going to hit me that Zig is dead.

I need to be doing something so I can cope; I was okay when I was focused on Maya and then Clare. I've always sort of been in that caregiver role, Dad did his best and he took good care of us, so does Spinner but they've never understood how to handle Clare. And Drew's just not a caregiver; he takes care of us, protects us and loves us more than anything but he doesn't have a very nurturing side. And Clare well she can be very nurturing but she's usually the one causing trouble or finding trouble and is usually dealing with her demons. So at a young age I just started taking on that role in the house, the caregiver and nurturer. In part I think it was a way to try and suppress what I was dealing with. Now it's just habit, I take care of everyone else and as long as I'm doing that or doing something I can suppress my own feelings.

It doesn't matter it hits me anyway; I get an image of Zig at Jay's Halloween party. He's smiling in his costume and watching Jenna with a longing because he knows he can never have her. He's happy, he's alive and he was right there. If something was wrong, if he was afraid of Vince why didn't he tell one of us? We were all there that night; he could have told any of us that Vince was after him. We would have protected him he was one of us. He was part of our gang, we hung out, he slept here, we'd play music together. Me, Maya, Jenna and Zig we'd jam together and we were even talking about starting a band. Now Zig is dead, shot over what? Drugs? Money? Revenge? Whatever it was it wasn't worth my friend's life! I'm overcome with anger and grief, I start growling unintentionally and smash the plate I'm holding on the edge of the sink. I slump down to the kitchen floor bringing my knees to my chest and begin crying. Drew and Bianca surround me; they put their arms around me and hold me while I cry. We stay like that until we hear the front door open and Spin, Paige, Sean and Emma come in.

"Zig's family is devastated they have no idea why he had a run in with Vince. The funeral will be next Saturday, I told them to call if they need anything," Spinner tells us.

"Dad was there, he doesn't expect any of you at school tomorrow," Emma says.

"We should get to bed it's been a long day," Spin comments.

"Maya's already asleep in my room. A couple people can sleep on my floor but Clare's room should probably stay just her and Fitz in case she needs to get up," I remark and Spin nods.

After a short discussion it's decided that Sean and Emma will sleep on the air mattress on the floor of Spin and Paige's room, Tris and his boyfriends will sleep on the floor of my room, K.C. and Jenna will sleep on the floor of Drew and Bianca's room. Owen, Lucas, Jay and Johnny will sleep in the living room. I go into my room and find Maya still asleep in my bed. I change for bed, and get in with Maya while Tris, Riley and Zane make a bed on my floor. It's a good thing we've stockpiled blankets and pillows over the years. Everyone is emotionally drained and we all go right to bed, whether anyone actually falls asleep is another matter. I start to fall asleep but then Maya wakes up screaming and thrashing, I sit up and try to hold her but she's still thrashing. Tris turns on the light and Riley and Zane sit on the bed helping me hold Maya.

"Maya wake up it's okay you're safe," I tell her in a soothing voice.

Her eyes open, she looks at me and then bursts into tears again, curling into a ball she begins rocking back and forth. Zane and I hold her tight, doing our best to soothe her, Tris and Riley sit on the bed, all of us surround Maya and try to comfort her but our friend is dead what comfort is there? Nothing will bring him back and he died for no reason, what comfort is there after something like that?

I hold Maya and stroke her back softly, I worry that Zig's death has broken her, the final straw after a lot of pain and stress in the last few months. I wonder if she'll be able to deal with this or if she's going to take a dive off the deep end? And if she does will I be able to pull her back?

**The update next Saturday may begin with the following morning or skip a day or two. It will likely include the funeral and what will become of Vince. It might also include Jenna and K.C. finding out the gender of their baby.**


	28. Shadow of Emotion

**Be sure to visit my page on the DeGrassi Saviors website to vote for which story will replace **_**Waiting on a Spark that hasn't Happened Yet**_** when that ends. You have three choices and there are brief descriptions for each story in the poll. The poll will remain up until the last chapter of **_**Waiting on a Spark that hasn't Happened Yet**_** goes up which might be as few as four weeks or as many as ten it all depends on how much goes into these last few chapters. Currently **_**Love Me Back to Life**_** and **_**The Girls Next Door**_** are almost tied, the leading story is ahead by only a couple of votes.**

**Ch. 28 Shadow of Emotion**

**(ADAM)**

"The loss of a life, any life, hurts us all but the loss of a young life is especially tragic," the pastor says and Maya turns into me before she begins bawling.

It's Saturday and we're all at Zig's funeral. His family is barely holding it together, Spin and Paige along with Sean and Emma spent a lot of time with Zig's family this last week. They brought food and helped plan the service, it kept them busy and I think it was the way they dealt with their grief. The rest of us have been dealing with the grief in our way. Tris spent a lot time with his boyfriends, doing what I have no idea but we hardly saw him all week. Jenna and K.C. spent a lot of time together and a lot of time with Joey and Caitlin preparing to bring a new life into the world. Lucas spent all of his spare time with Mia, while Johnny and Jay took a couple days off for a motorcycle trip. Owen threw himself into physical activities, girls or sports or working out in the weight room. Drew became very family oriented, coming right home from practice and work he'd spend time with me and Clare before Bianca, he also got more protective and worried about us but that might also have something to do with Clare getting shot as well as Zig. Bianca's been spending a lot of time with us, a lot with Drew and the rest of her time on school. Fitz has been glued to my sister's side since she came home from the hospital on Halloween. Clare, well I'm not actually sure she's dealing with anything as she's sort of retreated into herself. As for me I've been kind of avoiding by taking care of everyone else. Mostly I've been taking care of Maya, she's been at my house all week and she's gone between being off and silent to bawling randomly, she'll burst into tears for seemingly no reason at the drop of a hat. She's not handling Zig's death well and I'm very worried about her.

"I invite anyone who would like to say a few words about Zigmund to come up to the podium."

Zig's parents are sobbing, Maya hasn't taken her head from my chest, Clare is staring blankly into nothing, Tris is holding his boyfriends. I'd go up but Maya won't let go of me but Jay is getting up anyway.

"Zig was a tough kid, he didn't back down from things and I liked that about him. He didn't come from money or have much of anything but there was this spark in him that drew people to him. He wasn't the smartest kid but he was great on the guitar and he loved to play music. Music was his way of fighting without his fists. Zig we'll miss you buddy, it's not going to be the same without you," Jay says and sits down again.

Spinner says a few words, then Emma and the pastor finishes. Sean, Drew, Spin and Jay are pallbearers and we follow them out to the cemetery. As Zig's casket is lowered into the ground we all say a prayer and toss some dirt on the coffin. Since Zig's parents have a small apartment everyone is gathering at our house for the repast. Clare's follow up appointment is later today after the repast so she still has to stay off her leg. She has crutches but Fitz has been carrying her around a lot.

The repast is only a couple of hours, long enough for people to eat something and talk a little. Zig's parents thank Spinner and Paige for hosting and for everything they've done and then they leave. Fitz and Spinner take Clare to her appointment, Tris leaves with his boyfriends to go to Zane's house and Jenna isn't feeling well so K.C. takes her home and Jay gives them a ride.

"I don't want to be here; can we go out please? There must be a party somewhere," Maya says to me as everyone begins to leave.

"Yeah if you're sure that's what you want," I nod. "We're going out for a bit," I tell Paige.

"Be careful," she says hugging us both before we leave.

We start walking down the block and it doesn't take us long to find a party. We know most of the kids here because they go to DeGrassi. Maya gets a drink the first chance she gets but considering we put our friend in the ground today I don't blame her. We sit on the sofa and she sips at a couple of wine coolers.

"I think you need some water and something to eat, I'm going to the washroom and get you some food and some water after. Do not move from this spot," I instruct her.

She doesn't say anything just nods a little and drinks the last of her wine cooler. I find the washroom but have to wait in line, when I'm done I grab a bowl of chips and a bottle of water for Maya. I return to the living room but Maya isn't on the sofa she's dancing, not with anyone in particular just dancing but a few guys are watching her. She also has another drink in her hand.

"Maya what is that?"

"Umm something in coke," she replies.

"Something? You don't know what you're drinking? Give me the glass," I command but she turns away from me.

"No my wee drinkie," Maya wines and quickly swallows the rest.

"Maya what are you doing? You don't even know what was in that drink."

"I don't care what was in it this is the happiest day of my entire day."

"Well whatever it was it's got you completely snockered," I comment and Maya begins laughing hysterically.

"Snnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnockered, that's a funny word. You're funny Adam, you're my funny boyfriend."

"Yeah that's me your funny boyfriend, maybe we should sit down," I comment pulling her toward the sofa.

"No I want to dance, let me have a good time why don't you want me to have a good time," Maya whines.

"Yeah let the girl have a good time," some guy says pushing me away from Maya with one hand.

He's about twice my size but that's never stopped me before. I clench my fist and strike a punch right on his jaw. He looks kind of surprised and stumbles back a bit. He's one of the few people here I don't recognize so he doesn't go to DeGrassi or he'd know better than to mess with either of us. Maya's not paying attention at all she's dancing to some song in her head because her rhythm is completely different than the music that's going. The guy recovers from the punch and hits me in the eye, it's a hard punch and I'm sent stumbling back and now Maya shrieks.

"Adam, oh you're hurt! You have a booboo right here" Maya says in a sad voice kneeling down beside me for a brief second before hopping up again, "I'll get you shome ice."

She gets up and disappears into the crowd, I get up and try to follow her but my eye is quickly swelling shut. When Maya doesn't return after a couple of minutes I go to the kitchen to look for her. I don't see her in the kitchen and I know I'm going to need some help it's going to be hard to handle her this drunk let alone with one eye. I send a text to the group telling them where we are and that Maya's drunk, I know at least one of them will come. While I'm waiting I look in the freezer and find a pack of peas, I put it on my eye and go out front to wait for whoever's coming. I only have to wait a moment before Owen walks up with Johnny.

"Shit you got punched," Owen remarks when he sees the frozen peas on my eye.

"You have a keen grasp of the obvious," I shoot back in a sardonic tone and Owen shoots me a look.

"Let me see," Owen says taking the ice from my eye.

"Who hit you?" Johnny asks while Owen looks at my eye.

"Some guy, Maya was drunk and dancing and he thought she should dance while I thought she should sit down."

"You'll have a nasty shiner for a while, your sibs and probably Paige will flip but you'll be alright. Come on let's go find Maya before she gets herself into too much trouble," Owen comments.

"I'll check the back," Johnny says.

Owen holds onto my shirt; guess he's worried I'll get hit again. I set down the frozen peas while Owen and I begin looking through the first floor for my girlfriend. When we don't find Maya anywhere on the first floor the three of us go upstairs. She's not in the washroom, closet or master but the other bedroom is locked, it's the only place Maya could be and we all know how to pick locks. Johnny even has a lock picking tool he keeps on him and he uses it to open the door. When the door opens my stomach drops. Maya is on the bed with Harry, a kid from school who hangs with the druggies because he is one, she's making out with him and he has his hand up her shirt. I try tell myself she's drunk but it doesn't stop the pit in my stomach from growing or the pain I feel.

"HEY," Owen yells scaring Harry and he breaks the kiss to look at us. "YOU BETTER GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM HER!"

Harry takes his hand away but doesn't move off the bed, he's just looking at us like a deer in the headlights. Maya laughs for a minute and then rolls over and falls asleep. When Harry doesn't move Owen storms over and hauls him off the bed tossing him at the wall. Then Owen picks Maya up and hands her to me before taking out his car keys and dropping them in my hand.

"Get her out to my car we'll deal with Harry," Owen says.

I start taking Maya downstairs while I hear Owen and Johnny lecturing and hitting Harry, telling him to stay away from Maya. She's still asleep and I put her over my shoulder to open the car door. I get her in the backseat, she lies across it and I sit, after a few minutes Johnny and Owen come to the car.

"We took care of Harry, if he even looks at her again he's going to hurt," Johnny tells me.

"Good," I nod.

"You want me to take you to your place?" Owen asks.

"No let's take her home, with my eye and how drunk she is she should probably sleep in her own bed," I reply but I'm really just hurting so much from what she did I don't want to be with her tonight.

Owen nods and we drive to the Guthrie's apartment. Owen parks and we get out of the car, Johnny carries Maya upstairs and we knock.

"Fuck what happened?" K.C. asks with fear in his voice when he opens the door and sees his unconscious sister.

"She's drunk, she just needs to sleep it off," I tell him.

While Johnny takes Maya back to her room and helps Jenna get her into bed Owen and I tell K.C. what happened tonight. Johnny comes out a moment later and we say goodnight to K.C. and Jenna before going back to Owen's car and he takes us all back to my place.

"What happened to your eye?" Spinner demands.

"I'm fine, I'm going to bed," I reply before grabbing some ice and walking back to my room.

I lie on my bed and try telling myself that Maya was drunk and didn't know what she was doing. I try but it's not quite working, she was cheating on me and drunk or not I begin to think she wanted to.

**(FITZ)**

"You're healing up nicely Clare," the doctor smiles wrapping her leg with a bandage. "You should keep the crutches for a few more days, your leg will be pretty weak. You can begin to put weight on it again a little at a time but don't strain it too much it will take time for the muscles to heal. If you have any questions or concerns come back in and if she's in a lot of pain you can treat it with over the counter medications."

"Thanks Doc," Spinner nods.

Clare slides off the exam table and I put an arm around her waist for support. I help her out to the car and Spinner drives us back to their house. Jenna and K.C. went home and Jay drove them, Adam and Maya are out but everyone else is home.

"I'm going to lie down," Clare says. She begins hobbling to her room and I follow her. She makes it to her bed and lies down. "My leg hurts I think I have some pain pills left from the doctor can you check please?" She requests.

"Yeah I'll grab you some water," I reply going out to the kitchen to get some water.

Everyone but Drew and Bianca are in the living room, the TV is on but people seem to be more spaced out than actually watching. Paige tells me there's still plenty eat and I should take a plate back to Clare's room so I grab a water bottle and make a plate of finger foods. I set the plate on Clare's desk and grab one of her pain pills handing it to her with the bottle of water. She swallows the pill, hands me back the water and then curls over staring into nothing. She stays just like that, entirely motionless, doesn't say a thing, doesn't cry, if her chest didn't rise with her breaths I'd think she was dead. She remains that way for hours, I hear Owen and Johnny leaving and then returning with Adam sometime later. When I go out to use the washroom I hear Owen telling everyone Maya was drunk and fooling around with Harry which explains why Adam shut himself into his room. Clare appears to have fallen asleep when I return to her room. I sit at her desk and eat the food, get out my phone and start playing a game, it's mostly just keeping my mind from thinking.

Zig has been dead a week and we've all fallen apart a little bit. Maya's lost it, Clare's become like a walking coma and Tris is pulling away from all of us and attaching himself to his boyfriends. I know we're all grieving but I just hope when the grief passes we all come back together.

There's a sudden knock on the window and it startles me. No one I know would knock on her window all our people would just walk through the front door. Whoever it is knocks again so I set down my phone and get out my new switchblade, Sean gave it to me when I lost the other one on Halloween. I put my phone on the flashlight app and open the curtain while I shine the flashlight out the window to see it who it is. Jeff squints at the bright light and I turn it off setting down my blade and phone before I open the window.

"What are you doing here?"

"Hey Fitz, sorry for just showing up but she hasn't answered my calls, texts or e-mails in a week. Anya told me about your friend dying and I was worried about her," Jeff tells me.

"Yeah she's not handling it very well or it triggered something else in her I'm not really sure. I think she's sleeping but you can come in, maybe it will do her some good," I remark and move back from the window so he can come in. He crawls in and we both sit on Clare's bed, I brush the hair back from her face and shake her gently to wake her up. "Clare, wake up Jeff's here he came to see you," I tell her.

Her eyes open and she looks at Jeff, he grins at her and she turns away, "What are you doing here?"

"You weren't reply to anything I was worried about you," he says.

"My friend died I'm sad and I didn't want to talk apparently you didn't get the hint," she snaps at him rolling over again.

"Clare that isn't nice he drove all the way here to see you because he was worried," I censure her.

"Then he's a fool and so are you for sticking around," she replies sharply covering her head with a pillow.

"She's not doing so well is she?" Jeff asks as we get up and start walking toward her window again.

"No she's not coping so well and I don't know if it's more because Zig died or she got shot."

"She got shot? Anya didn't tell me that."

"Anya probably didn't know; it was just in her leg. She lost some blood but she had outpatient surgery to remove the bullet and had to stay off of her leg for a few days. Her leg is fine but she's not."

"Yeah I can tell, I guess I know she's alive now," Jeff sighs.

"She's grieving, going through something in her head and trying push people away I'm sure she'll realize she needs people and wish she hadn't told you to leave," I tell him.

"Yeah well if she does come to that realization tell her to call me," Jeff says before climbing out the window again.

I close Clare's window and sit on her bed again, she keeps the pillow on her head and eventually I realize she's fallen asleep again. Despite what she said I stay with her all night and wake up the next morning when she gets up to use the washroom. I rub my eyes and follow her out, she comes out of the washroom just as Adam comes out of his room and we both see that he's got a black eye.

"Adam! What happened?" Clare exclaims rushing to her brother's side.

"I'm alright some jerk hit me at the party last night."

Paige says there's breakfast but neither Clare nor Adam is hungry and when I use the washroom and go back to her room I find her door locked. I could easily pick the lock but obviously she doesn't want me in there or she wouldn't have locked the door. I can also hear Adam's voice in the room so I know he's with her. I go into the kitchen to get some breakfast and drive home to change clothes. I don't stay long because I want to be back at the Mason's in case Clare needs me or something else happens, I don't want to hear about it after the fact. Emma and Sean are both at work, Paige doesn't work on the weekends but Spinner is at work and so is Drew. Bianca, Owen and Johnny are in the living room when I get back and Paige is in the kitchen baking, I think she's just trying to keep busy. I sit with Owen and the others in living room, we're just watching TV and occasionally talking. At one point Paige goes back to tell Adam that Maya is awake with a terrible hangover. Adam doesn't respond but a short time later he and Clare leave her room.

"We're going out," Adam announces as he and Clare grab their coats and leave the house.

"Back by curfew and be careful, Clare take your crutches you're not supposed to put too much weight on that leg yet," Paige says.

"We'll be fine, we're not going far and I can give her a piggyback," Adam replies.

"Call one of us if you need a ride," I tell them and Adam nods before they leave.

We watch TV for a while longer, Paige brings us cookies but when I notice that it's beginning to snow outside I decide to go look for Clare and Adam. Bianca comes with me, we take her car but knowing Clare and Adam are on foot we know they couldn't have gone far. We check the ravine first and a couple people tell us Clare and Adam walked down toward the water. In fact we find them at the water, Clare is sitting on a rock and keeping from putting weight on her leg, Adam is leaning next to her and tossing rocks into the water.

"Guys it's starting to snow you should come home," I tell them.

"I want to stay here," Clare replies.

"Well you can't because you can't walk very well in the snow and Adam can't go very far in the snow with you on his back," Bianca replies.

"Fine we'll come home then," Clare says sliding off the rock but when she puts weight on her leg she hisses.

I run over and pick her up, "I got you."

She opens her mouth with her eyes narrowed into slits like she's going to snap back a snarky response. But then her face relaxes and she bites her lip putting her arms around my neck and her head on my chest. Bianca grabs Adam, she puts her arm around his waist and we walk back to Bianca's car driving back to their place. Bianca puts Adam in the living room and says he needs to eat something while I take Clare back to her room.

"I don't know why you're being so nice to me still," Clare remarks as I put her on her bed.

"Because I know you were upset and grieving and didn't mean those things," I respond.

"I'm not worth it," she comments leaning against the wall and looking down at her hands. I sit next to her and tip her chin up to look at me.

"If I didn't know you were worth it I wouldn't still be here, and if Jeff didn't think you were worth it he wouldn't have driven here from Guelph last night," I remind her.

"I'm sure he went home and just why were you so friendly with your competition?"

"Because I thought him being here might help you. You want to tell me what's been going through your head since Halloween?"

"Zig shouldn't have died," she responds quietly.

"No he shouldn't have died but Vince is in jail, he confessed and he was sentenced," I remind her.

"To fifteen years, fifteen years for taking our friends life. One year for every year Zig was alive, that's barely justice. Vince should have been sentenced to life."

"Yeah I know but at least he's in prison and hopefully he's getting beat and raped in there," I comment. Clare doesn't say anything just looks away again. "It has to be more than just Zig's death that has you so upset you haven't even cried. You want to tell me what else is going on in that head of yours?"

"Nothing," she replies slumping down and I sigh.

"Okay I'm going to get you some food because you've hardly eaten a thing all week. I think you should call Jeff, not that I want the competition but if you push him away now you'll regret it later. I don't want you to break down again because you pushed him away without meaning to," I comment handing her phone to her.

She takes the phone and looks at it a second before putting in the password and scrolling through the contacts. I leave her to talk in private for a few minutes and go out to get her something to eat. I hope whatever is weighing on her mind goes away soon or she at least talks about it.

**Update next Saturday will begin in Clare's pov probably talking to Jeff. It will also include Adam confronting Maya and probably school on Monday.**


	29. Forever's Been & Gone

**Be sure to visit my page on the DeGrassi Saviors website to vote for which story will replace Waiting on a Spark that hasn't Happened Yet when that ends. You have three choices and there are brief descriptions for each story in the poll. The poll will remain up until the last chapter of Waiting on a Spark that hasn't Happened Yet goes up which might be as few as four weeks or as many as ten it all depends on how much goes into these last few chapters. Love Me Back to Life and The Girls Next Door continue to stay within a few votes of the other so make sure to get your votes in.**

**Well I didn't have to work today but the long and crazy week left me fairly burnt out and this chapter is a bit on the short side still. **

**Ch. 29 Forever's Been &amp; Gone**

**(CLARE)**

My phone starts ringing as I hear Fitz leave my room. Jeff's phone rings a couple of times before he answers.

"Hey."

"Hi, about last night I'm sorry for kicking you out I just…we lost a friend and I need some time. Zig's death was hard and I need some space to deal. Fitz is right though I'll regret it later if I push you away now and I don't want to do that. You drove all the way here to see me and make sure I was okay and I was rude to you. I'm sorry, I'm sorry I couldn't just tell you I needed some space to grieve and deal."

"Okay I get that but you wouldn't answer my calls or texts or e-mails and I was worried. I didn't even know you'd been shot," Jeff replies. When he says the word shot the whole scene with Vince under the bridge and us running from him replays in my mind. I close my eyes and bite my lip, suddenly my leg is searing and I put it under some pillows but can't find the words to reply to Jeff. "Clare?" He asks when I don't respond after a couple of minutes.

"I'm here," I choke out.

"You're obviously going through a lot and need some space so why don't you call me when you want me again, if you do," Jeff says and hangs up. I set down my and shut my eyes tight just as Fitz comes back in my room.

"Clare? What's wrong? Did Jeff upset you?" Fitz asks and I shake my head. "Then what's wrong?" He questions and I shake my head again. "Is your leg hurting?" He asks and I nod. "I'll get you some aspirin but you need to eat something Clare," Fitz insists and I shake my head again. "Clare you need to eat."

"Not hungry," I reply wiping my eyes, "I feel sick."

"Fine at least drink some water," Fitz says handing me the water bottle. He pulls me up a little and sits behind me so I'm leaning against him as I drink. "You want to talk about your conversation with Jeff?" Fitz ventures and I shake my head.

"Where's Adam?"

"He was in the living room eating a few minutes ago do you want me to get him?" Fitz asks and I nod. Fitz gets up and goes out to the living room and returns a moment later with my twin. Adam doesn't say anything when he comes in my room. He knows there's nothing to say, he just lies on the bed with me. "Try to get her to eat something," Fitz says before leaving my room.

Adam and I lie on my bed for a while, we don't say anything, we barely move we're just together. Right now we're all we need. When there's a knock at the door we're both so spaced out and mired into our own thoughts we barely hear it. Neither of us reply so the person comes in, it's Paige.

"Adam Maya's here she wants to talk to you," Paige tells him.

"You should talk to her," I encourage my brother.

Adam gets up reluctantly and leaves my room to talk to his girlfriend. Paige closes my door and I get up walking to my desk where the food is still sitting. My leg still hurts but I'm standing on it anyway, I'm sort of hoping the physical pain I feel will overwhelm everything else I'm feeling. I hear Adam arguing in his room with Maya, I can't hear what their saying but I hear Adam is angry. I poke at the food Fitz brought me but I'm really not hungry at all, I'm still poking at the food when Fitz comes back in.

"Your leg is shaking you shouldn't be standing on it for so long. Are you putting all your weight on it?"

"It's fine," I reply.

"No it isn't," Fitz says lifting me up and putting me on the desk. "You still haven't eaten."

"I told you I'm not hungry."

"At least drink some water then," Fitz asserts grabbing my water bottle just as we hear Adam's door slam and then the front door.

"Adam just left, he's going to Johnny's," I comment to Fitz.

"How do you know that I didn't hear anything?"

"I just know," I shrug.

"Right the twin thing," Fitz says holding the bottle to my lips. I drink several sips and set the bottle down. "Clare I know there's something wrong, something more than Zig's death is bothering you please talk to me. This is more than grief, you're on your leg when you're not supposed to be and I think it's more than just pushing yourself to use your again. You're trying to cause yourself pain, you're not eating, you're killing yourself," Fitz says the last part as a realization.

I bite my lip and look down, tears start flowing from eyes and I put my head down in my hands. It's enough of an answer for Fitz, I hear him sigh and he steps closer to me. He puts his hand on my knee and brushes a strand of hair behind my ear.

"Why Clare? Getting shot and almost bleeding out wasn't enough to scare you into wanting to live?"

"I never should have been alive to begin with."

"If you weren't meant to be here then you wouldn't be Clare," Fitz says and I look up at him.

"What kind of sense does that make? Zig was a good person and he died over nothing, his life was stolen does that mean he's not supposed to be here?"

"I don't know Clare; I don't think anyone can answer that. Zig died over nothing but he never told any of us that he was involved with a gang. They fired at us a lot and only one bullet hit you. If anything had changed you could have died but you didn't. I know you feel like you never should have lived but you did and if you died now do you have any idea what that would do to your brothers or the rest of us? I'm not sure that your brothers would survive that, even if they lived they would never be the same. If you die, by your own hand or otherwise you'll be taking more than just your life. Not just your brothers, I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have you anymore. So whether you feel like you're supposed to be here or not the rest of us need you Clare," Fitz implores.

I don't respond, I just lean on Fit and burst into tears again leaning on Fitz.

**(ADAM)**

"Adam Maya's here she wants to talk to you," Paige informs me.

"You should talk to her," Clare asserts.

I get up with a slight huff and leave my sister's room for mine. Maya is in here sitting on my bed and I close the door.

"You turned off your phone," Maya says quietly.

"Why are you here?"

"I was drunk Adam I wasn't thinking, I was upset over Zig's death a…"

"And you drank something that you weren't even sure what it was. You were flirting with guys and then you disappeared and when I find you you're in bed with another guy and fooling around. You were smiling Maya, you were drunk but you were conscious and some part of you had to know what you were doing. I know you're in pain because of Zig's death but so am I."

"I know Adam I just wanted to have some fun and forget about losing my friend."

"You just wanted to have some fun? There are a dozen ways you could have had fun, even gotten drunk without fooling around with another guy. Not just fooling around but you disappeared, we had to go looking for you. If we hadn't found you when we did would have gone further with Harry? Would you have gone all the way? Did you really want to forget the pain or did you just want to be physical?"

"I don't know Adam I was drunk I wasn't thinking. I was just going with it but I didn't mean to hurt you."

"I spent a week holding you and watching you, being your rock while you grieved over Zig's death and then you cheat on me because you were just going with it?! I can't talk to you right now; I don't want to look at you right now."

I grab my coat slamming the bedroom door and storming out slam the front door. I start walking to Johnny's place, I don't have my phone but I'll text Spinner from there. It's a few blocks to Johnny's but I'm enjoying the cold air and relative solitude of the snowy evening. When I get to Johnny's I knock on the door and he opens it a few seconds later. He doesn't say anything just steps aside to let me in.

"I didn't tell them where I was going," I tell Johnny when I sit down on his sofa.

"I'm on it," Johnny says getting out his phone and sending a text. "Is this about Maya?"

"Yeah," I nod.

"You want to talk about it?"

"Not really," I shake my head.

"You want some dinner?"

"I could eat."

"Pizza?"

"Yeah."

Johnny orders pizza and we watch TV, I sleep here and text Drew asking him to bring me a change of clothes to school. Johnny drops me at DeGrassi and I see Drew, Bianca, Clare and Fitz on the steps. Drew hands me the fresh clothes and I go inside to change in the washroom. I put my other clothes in the bag and stuff it in my locker.

"Looks like you're walking better," I remark to my sister as she walks to her locker.

"My leg is fine," Clare replies.

"No it's not but she insists on walking on it anyway," Fitz speaks up.

"Does your leg hurt?"

"It's fine," she responds again.

"Have you eaten?"

"Paige forced her to drink a nutritional shake for breakfast," Fitz informs me.

The bell rings and I put my arm around my sister to support her as we walk to homeroom. English is fairly quite as we're just writing and when the bell rings I walk with Clare to our second period history class. After history class it's lunch and Clare is beginning to limp so her leg is obviously bothering her.

"Where are your crutches?" I question.

"I told them to leave them at home but Drew put them in his car," Clare says.

"Sit I'll get your crutches you shouldn't be walking I know you're in pain you can't lie to me," I assert forcing her to sit on a bench.

She twists her mouth at me but doesn't argue, she puts her leg up on the bench. I walk outside without my coat but I don't care, I'll only be out here for a moment.

"Adam can we talk?" Maya requests.

"Not now I have to get my sister's crutches."

"Can't someone else get them?"

"Probably but I'm already here," I reply and unlock Drew's car.

"Adam you can't stay mad at me forever," Maya pleads as I grab Clare's crutches.

"I wasn't planning on it but I'm not so sure I'm ready to just forgive and forget either," I respond locking Drew's car again.

I start walking back inside and Maya follows me, of course she needs to be in the school too. When I return to Clare Fitz is with her, not that I'm surprised. Clare stands up and I hand her the crutches. She hobbles off with Fitz at her side, hopefully to eat lunch.

"I'm not asking you to forget Adam or forgive Adam if you're not ready but please at least listen," Maya begs with pleading eyes.

"Okay I'll listen," I give in.

Maya smiles a little and takes my hand pulling me into an empty classroom. I sit on a desk and lean back looking at her.

"I never went to the party intending to cheat on you Adam, you must believe that. I wanted to be drunk yes, I wanted to be so very drunk that I was happy and didn't feel the pain of Zig's death. I don't remember much about that night, honestly Adam I remember you getting hit and I went to get ice and then…I sort of remember Harry smiling at me. After that I just remember laughing a lot and then I woke up in my bed feeling terrible. I wanted you with me and didn't even remember cheating on you. I'm sorry Adam," Maya cries.

"I know you were hurting a lot because Zig's death and I know why you wanted to get drunk. Whether you remember it or not you were cheating with Harry and you have to know how very much that hurt me. I struggled most of my life with who I was, born a girl but knowing I'm guy and you have no clue how difficult that is or how crazy you feel. When I came out everyone was supportive but it's hard enough to go through puberty let alone doing it in the wrong gender. As if it wasn't hard enough to watch my older brothers attract girls like sugar attracts ants any time I attracted a girl and she found out about me if I was lucky she'd politely lose interest but it got a lot worse. And then came you, one day you weren't just a K.C.'s kid sister any longer you were this gorgeous girl with incredible musical talent and you already knew about me. You knew I was trans but more than that you knew me, you knew what kind of guy I was. Our age difference didn't matter to me and you knew I couldn't be very physical, I thought you didn't want to be but when I saw you with Harry," I pause for a deep breath and to swallow the lump in my throat. "Maya when I saw you with Harry my heart broke. The only thing I saw was the girl I love fooling around with another guy and enjoying it. Seeing you with Harry, feeling that betrayal for me was almost worse than Zig's death."

"I'm sorry Adam I really am terribly sorry I would give anything to go back in time and take that moment back. I don't remember it at all and if I was enjoying it then it was the liquor not me. I can't imagine how much that hurt but I love you and I would never do anything to hurt you on purpose. What can I do to make it up to you? Please Adam I'll do anything."

"You can start by never getting that drunk again."

"That's easy after the hangover I had I never want to be that drunk again."

"Answer honestly do you want to be more physical?"

"I…I don't know Adam maybe. I don't remember anything I was doing with Harry but I've thought about it before."

"If you want to get more physical or even think about it promise me that you'll talk to me."

"I promise. Does this mean I'm forgiven?"

"I forgive you but if you ever cheat on me again, drunk or not, I won't be able to forgive so easily."

"Never again I love you Adam."

"I love you to Maya," I smile and kiss my girlfriend.

**(K.C.)**

I wake up when I realize that Jenna isn't in bed. We're the only ones home right now, Mom is working a double and Maya is sleeping at Adam's as she has been the last couple of nights since he forgave her for cheating. I get up and check the washroom but Jenna's not in there, I find her on the sofa watching TV.

"Are you okay?" I ask sitting down next to her.

"Yeah I just had a dream about Zig," she says leaning on me when I sit next to her.

"Can you get back to sleep? We have our appointment in the morning," I remind her.

"I don't think so I'm not very tired anymore," she replies.

I stroke her arm and we watch TV until Mom gets home from work and then we go back to bed sleeping for just a few hours before we get up. Joey and Caitlin are coming to pick us up because we have a prenatal, Jenna and I will miss homeroom but Adam and Clare can fill us in on what happened in English class.

"You two look tired," Caitlin comments when we get into the car.

"We didn't sleep much last night," I reply.

They know that Zig died of course so they just give us a sympathetic look. Joey drives us to the doctor's office and we sign in, after a few minutes a nurse takes Jenna back for a urine test and to get her vitals. I go back with her and Joey and Caitlin will be shown back in a few minutes. Once all of Jenna's vitals have been taken Joey and Caitlin come back and they are followed shortly by the doctor.

"Good morning everyone. Jenna how have you been feeling?"

"Pretty good for the most part but we lost a friend recently," Jenna responds.

"Yes I saw that such a tragedy, well why don't you lie back on the table and we'll have a look. We couldn't see anything at your last appointment but if the baby's in a good position this time we'll be able to see the sex," the doctor says and Jenna lies back on the table lifting her shirt.

The doctor puts the gel on her belly and turns on the machine moving the wand over her belly. We see the image of the baby come on the screen, she moves the wand around a bit more and then we all see it at the same time.

"It's a boy," Joey grins wide.

"It is indeed," the doctor smiles.

We stay for a while longer, the doctor asks Jenna more questions and tells us we should be able to feel the baby move soon. After the appointment we go out to breakfast with Joey and Caitlin.

"Now that we know we're having a boy we'll have to think of names," Caitlin says as we begin eating.

"How about Joseph Jerimiah Junior?" Joey says.

"No," Caitlin laughs.

They talk about names for a few more minutes but there's still lots of time before the baby is born. After breakfast they drop us off at school and say they'll see us for dinner next week, Caitlin usually picks Jenna up from school so they can spend time together. We walk through to our lockers and get our books. There's a photo memorial for Zig in the foyer and his locker has black ribbon on it. We still have a few minutes before the bell rings for second period but we walk over there anyway and go into class when the bell rings. Only Wes and Connor are in the class with us, we don't see our other friends until lunch.

"How was the appointment?" Bianca asks when we're all sitting in the caf.

"It's a boy," I tell them.

"Joey and Caitlin are very happy but they couldn't agree on a name," Jenna says.

"They still have time to decide," Adam remarks.

"Yeah that's what they realized," I reply.

We get through school and then I have football practice. After football Owen drops me at home. Jenna is here so Caitlin probably brought her home not long ago. Mom won't be home until after dinner and Maya is sleeping at Adam's again so we're the only ones here at the moment. Jenna says she's not hungry just tired so she goes to lie down and I heat up a microwave dinner. After I eat I sit down to do homework and Jenna comes out of the room, she looks sad.

"Another dream?" I question.

"I don't know why I'm having them now but I keep dreaming about Zig. He had this huge crush on me and I can't help thinking I should have kissed him, even just once. Are you mad?"

"No I'm not angry, I think we've all had those thoughts in the last couple of weeks. Probably not that we all should have kissed Zig but that we should have done certain things with him or all the things we'll miss about him and that he'll miss in our lives."

"I wish this hurt and this hole would go away," Jenna sighs.

"I know," I say putting my arm around her, "I know me too but it can't last forever."

**Update next Saturday will begin the following day probably in Sean's pov and will include Spin finding out his baby sister is no longer a virgin!**


	30. So Tired I Couldn't Even Sleep

**Next week there is no story on Friday or Saturday, that means no update for this story next week. **

**Make sure you check the calendar on the DeGrassi Saviors website (see the link on my profile page) for the full calendar.**

**Also don't forget to vote in the poll on the site to vote for which story will replace **_**Waiting on a Spark that Hasn't Happened Yet **_**when it ends soon.**

**Ch. 30 So Tired I Couldn't Even Sleep**

**(SEAN)**

I wake to the ringing of my phone Friday morning. It's only six, I can't imagine who'd be calling this early, Em is in bed next to me and Fitz is with Clare of course. I'm surprised he doesn't just move in, although they aren't actually dating yet. I doubt anything happened to Fitz so early this morning, but when I look at the phone I see it's Jay calling. I yawn and grab my phone, Emma groans and rolls over.

"Hey what's up?" I question still half asleep. I'm used to waking up early to open the shop but Emma woke me when she came home from work at two this morning and we were up for a little while.

"Dude I feel like death; I think I have the flu I can't go in can you open?"

"Yeah I'll open get some rest," I reply and hang up.

"What's up?" Emma questions.

"Jay's sick he sounded terrible on the phone, anyway he needs me to open," I tell Emma kissing her temple as I get out of bed.

"Poor guy, I'll take him some soup before I go to work," Emma says.

"That would be good but he thinks he has the flu so be careful."

Emma nods and starts to fall asleep again. I get up and start getting ready, the garage doesn't need to open until eight but I think I'll grab breakfast on the way and eat there. I kiss Emma before leaving and go to the garage. There's a game tonight and it's also Owen's birthday. Em has to work but the rest of us were all going to the game, guess Jay won't be going now either. Drew's birthday is Monday and as it usually happens they're having one birthday party for the two of them at the Mason's on Saturday.

When Tony gets in just as we're opening I tell him that Jay has the flu so he won't be in for a while and Tony puts him on sick leave. It's a pretty busy day at work, Fridays usually are because anyone that's going to be driving this weekend, especially in the snow, is coming in to make sure their car is in good condition. When I finally get a lunch I call Jay.

"Hi Babe," Emma answers Jay's phone.

"How is he?"

"He's asleep but it looks like the flu to me. Don't worry I was careful and I had my flu shot anyway. I brought him soup and he ate it, his fever is pretty high. I gave him some medicine to reduce his fever and I'll call his doctor between classes to get a prescription for flu meds I can fill it at work tonight. I have to get to school, have fun at the game tonight and tell Owen Happy Birthday for me. I love you."

"I will and I love you too," I reply and hang up.

I eat lunch and go back to work. Since I opened I'm off before closing and have some time before the game so I swing by Jay's place after cleaning up from work. I have a spare key to Jay's place so I just let myself in.

"It's me," I call in so he doesn't think I'm a robber or something. I don't hear anything so I go back to the bedroom and peak in. Jay's in bed and looks terrible. "You look awful," I comment.

"Yeah I feel awful, don't get too close I don't want to get you sick."

"I had my flu shot."

"So did I but apparently it didn't work," Jay groans.

"Emma was going to see if she could get a prescription filled for you so she'll probably be over tonight or tomorrow morning. If it gets much worse you should probably see a doctor."

"Dude if it gets any worse I won't be able to drive."

"Do you need anything before I head to the game?"

"No I'm just going to sleep, Em brought me soup and stuff and there's leftovers in the fridge. All I wanna do is sleep anyway but I won't make it to the party tomorrow will you take my gifts? They're in the living room."

"Yeah no problem Buddy, get some sleep and if you need anything call one of us," I tell him.

"Yeah," he nods.

After making sure he has lots of water I grab the presents from the living room and leave for the game. It's not hard to spot our gang in the bleachers when I get to the game. Clare has herself wrapped in a blanket with Fitz, Johnny and Bianca to keep warm. Maya is cuddled up to Adam and Spin is wrapped in a blanket with Paige, Jenna is wrapped in two or three blankets it looks like. Lucas is here, Mia is on his lap and they're wrapped in a blanket together. Joey and Caitlin are also here wrapped up together.

"Jay's sick he won't be able to make it, he won't make it to the party either but I have his gifts for Drew and Owen," I tell them.

"I hope Jay's okay," Paige says.

"Looks like the flu, Em is getting him a prescription. I told him to call one of us if he needs anything. Warm enough Jenna?"

"No I'm still cold," she pouts.

"Here we brought lots of blankets keep her warm since Em isn't coming and K.C. is on the field," Spinner tells me handing me a blanket. I sit down with Jenna and put the blanket around both of us.

The band plays the anthem as the teams come out to the field and then the game begins. Even though we want to stay huddled together in the blankets we still jump up to cheer when DeGrassi scores or when Owen, Drew or K.C. makes a great play. At halftime a few of us get snacks and drinks from the snack stand. DeGrassi wins in the end and we all cheer in celebration, Jenna and Bianca go to the field to kiss their boyfriends. The rest of us walk out slowly to congratulate them, the team is going out for pizza and to celebrate, most everyone is headed back to the Mason's.

"You sleeping at Clare's again?" I ask my brother as we're preparing to leave.

"Yeah," he replies looking over at her. She's on the bleachers just staring at the field, she hasn't moved much since I got here.

"She'll be okay she just needs some time," I assure my brother.

"Yeah I hope so, I'll probably come over tomorrow or maybe Sunday for some clean clothes and stuff."

"Sounds good, I'm going to swing by Emma's work and see if she got that prescription filled for Jay. If she did I'll take it to him and see how he's doing."

"Cool tell him I hope he feels better," Fitz replies.

"Yeah I will. Bye Clare," I call to her but she doesn't seem to hear me. I give my brother a sympathetic smile and go back to my car. The all-night pharmacy Em works at is in an all-night grocery and it's pretty safe. I wasn't thrilled about her working nights but she was determined to go to school and work which meant working nights. "Hey Beautiful," I grin kissing my fiancé over the counter.

"Hi how was the game?"

"DeGrassi won, almost everyone is out celebrating. I thought I'd swing by before going home, see if you had that prescription for Jay?"

"Yeah I do, I took his insurance card earlier so I could run it, I told Jay but he was pretty out of it. His insurance card is in the prescription bag you can take it back to him," she says.

"Yeah I will," I nod as she hands me the bag. "Have a good night I'll see you at home," I tell her kissing her again before I leave.

I drive back to Jay's letting myself in again and calling that it's me. I look at the prescription bottle to make sure he doesn't need to take it with food or anything. He doesn't it just says to take one pill and a second no less than twelve hours later. I write it down on paper and take the pills and some water into Jay.

"How was the game?"

"We won, here take this," I tell him handing him the pill and some water. "There's one more pill take it tomorrow after nine in the morning I wrote down the instructions."

"Thanks, I feel terrible, I hate being sick."

"It won't last long. You need anything?"

"No going to sleep again."

"Get some rest, we'll swing by tomorrow," I tell him and put his insurance card back before I leave and drive home.

I did have a flu shot but I still wash my hands well and take some immune boosters before I shower and go to bed. Emma comes home at two and I wake up just long enough to kiss her and tell her I love her before falling asleep again.

**(CLARE)**

I wake with a gasp after a nightmare. A nightmare that ended not with an image but a sound, a terrible sound that echoes in my mind. Fitz is sleeping heavily, his arm draped over me and he's snoring lightly. I lift his arm off me gently and get out of bed going to the washroom. As usual our house is filled with people so there really isn't anywhere to be alone aside from the washroom. After the football game tonight most of us came back to our house, Owen returned with Drew after the team went for pizza. I close the washroom door, keep the light off and turn on the sink splashing some water on my face but I'm awake now and I can't get the dream out of my head. I walk quietly out of the washroom and down the hall going out to the back porch. The crisp icy winter air bites at my skin, it's almost painful but it's a welcome sensation. I lean on the railing and look at the moon and the stars, zoning out on the night sky.

"Clare what are you doing?" Johnny demands walking out. I hear him but I don't move or respond. "You're going to freeze out here. Your brothers'll kill you if you die," Johnny says going inside again and returning with a blanket. He wraps it around me and picks me up.

"I like it out here."

"You're going to freeze, you're barely wearing anything," Johnny replies carrying me to my bedroom. He opens the door and sets me on the bed which wakes up Fitz.

"What's going on?" Fitz questions sitting up quickly and looking at me.

"Warm her up," Johnny tells him before leaving my room and Fitz touches my cheek.

"Clare you're freezing what happened?"

"I was outside," I reply as Fitz gets me under my blankets and next to his warm body. "Why didn't you wake me when you woke up and why didn't you put any clothes on?" He questions as he starts rubbing my arms to warm me up. I simply shrug in response.

He pulls off the nightshirt I was sleeping in and keeps rubbing my skin to warm me up. I know a way I can get warm so I take Fitz's boxers and tug at them. I reach in scratching my nails through his pubic hair, my fingers drifting to his shaft I curl my fingers around the shaft. Fitz moans gently and I attack his lips with mine catching the end of his moan on my tongue. He's stopped rubbing my skin now, frozen by licentious desire. I stroke him again, twisting my hand gently around the shaft and feeling him grow at my touch. At the same time my tongue tangles with his and they fight for dominance. Fitz gets his boxers down kicking them off and his hand slides down my panties, softly rubbing my clit evoking a moan from my lips to his.

His hand rubs over my pussy lips and they tingle anticipating his penetration as I ache to be filled. Still rubbing him with one hand my other hand caresses his chest softly. My fingers slowly drift over his skin feeling every muscle, every hair, his nipples, his ribs when he sucks in a breath as he moans. Fitz stops rubbing my pussy lips, removing his hand from my panties he pulls them down. I lift my legs to help him take them off, releasing his throbbing erection and we break from the kiss.

I bend my knees and open my legs inviting Fitz in, an invitation he readily accepts, spreading my pussy lips with two fingers he thrusts in. A breath hitches in my throat; I arch my back releasing the breath as a purring moan. I grip the back of his neck, my other hand caressing his chest as our lips lock together again. Fitz supports himself on one hand and the other gently squeezes my breast and fondles my nipple. I nip softly at Fitz's lower lip as he thrusts in a little further before stopping and beginning to pull out. I buck my hips, my nails scratching at his chest.

Fitz makes a couple of slow thrusts before speeding up with each thrust. When he's all the way in I moan and briefly break the kiss before attaching my lips to his again. My body trembles while my hips buck in rhythm with his thrusts. Every time he thrusts in I feel his body quiver and he makes a quivering moan into the kiss. I moan in an endless chain mumbling Fitz's name breathlessly against his tongue as we kiss. I'm no longer shivering from the cold, I'm no longer cold I'm warm, almost sweating. My body feels electrified, that deep tickling that builds to orgasm quickly becomes nearly unbearable. I move faster spurring Fitz to move faster and it isn't long before the two of us reach climax. Stifling our moans in the kiss as we both explode in orgasm. We slow down and he pulls out, lying next to me and breathing hard.

"I'm warm now," I comment after a moment rolling over into his arms.

"I should hope so; can you get back to sleep?" Fitz asks holding me close and stroking my back with one finger.

"I'm still not tired," I shake my head.

"You want to go for a drive?" Fitz offers and I nod.

"Put some clothes on then," he replies.

"Don't want me walking out to the car naked or the living room naked? You know Owen's already seen me naked."

"Yes I'm aware but it's freezing outside, get dressed," he responds kissing my nose. We get up and dressed including jackets and go out my window so we don't wake Johnny and Owen. "Should we leave a note or something?"

"Adam will know," I reply closing my window and we go to Fitz's car.

We spend a couple hours driving around, we go through an all-night fast food drive-thru for drinks. When it's after six and I'm sure some people at my house will be awake we go back to my house. Fitz parks and we go in through the front door waking up Owen and Johnny.

"When did you two leave?" Owen yawns.

"A couple of hours ago, she couldn't sleep we went for a drive," Fitz explains as I lock the door.

Owen and Johnny get up while Fitz and I go into the kitchen and start some coffee. Spin and Paige get up after a few minutes and they start making waffles in honor of Drew and Owen's birthdays. It isn't too long before the smell of waffles brings everyone else out to the living room. Owen and Drew's party is tonight at our house, it's always at our house and they've been having their birthday party together since they became friends and found out their birthdays were four days apart.

We eat breakfast and hang out for the morning before getting the house ready for the party. People begin arriving in the late afternoon, our friends arrive first, all of them that didn't stay here last night anyway. Sean and Emma arrive first, Tris and his boyfriends next followed by K.C. and Jenna and finally Lucas with Mia. The rest of the football team comes in a couple of car loads, some of the basketball team and hockey team come as well and the house gets full fast. We have the backyard of course but it's snowing so no one wants to go out but everyone is crowded into the kitchen, living room and hallway. Not everyone stays of course, after all it is Saturday night. Drew and Owen open presents from people as they arrive. Our family gave Owen his presents on his birthday yesterday and we'll give Drew his presents on his birthday Monday.

People hang out and talk and eat, I stay in the living room for a while but don't mingle with anyone outside of our group. Drew and Owen seem happy which is good. Adam is talking with several different people; he likes being social. Maya stays with Tris most of the night. Adam forgave her for cheating but their relationship has remained strained. He forgave her so quickly because he's afraid no one else will be with him and love him for who is the way that he is. I'm sure that's not true but I know how hard it is for my brother in his situation and even though I think he forgave her a little quickly I understand why. Even though she's been here every night, and her guilt is evident in how she is constantly looking for something to do for him, their relationship has continued to be strained. I have to wonder how soon before they bend so much they break.

After a while of being in the crowd, of mostly teen alpha males, I decide I've had all I can take. I retreat back to my room but when I open the door I find one of the basketball team making out with a cheerleader on my bed.

"Gross get out of my room," I demand.

"Why don't you join us Baby Mason?" The guy smiles and he's so smashed I can smell the liquor on his breath from here.

"Get out of my room both of you, I'm going to have to burn my blankets just because you were lying on them."

"Let's go, give the baby her room," the cheerleader says.

"Aww come one let's make this a threesome," he slurs as he stumbles toward my door.

"I wouldn't touch you with a hazard suit on, I have actual standards," I quip.

The cheerleader sneers at me but the guy isn't listening and he attempts to lean down and kiss me. So I knee him in the nuts as hard as I can and he drops to the floor groaning like he got shot.

"What did you do that for?" The cheerleader shrieks just as I see Riley come back to use the washroom.

"Riley can you get him out of my doorway please?"

"Trouble?" Riley asks gripping the guy by the jacket and pulling him into the hall.

"He tried to kiss me," I reply shoving the girl out of my room before I close and lock the door. I take all the sheets and blankets off my bed, even take the pillows out of the pillowcases in case they touched those. Then I sit at my desk and grab my phone calling Jeff but get his voicemail, although it is Saturday night so he must be out. "It's me, just calling to…I don't know actually. Bored I guess too many people here. Look I wanted t…" I get cut off when the voicemail tells me I've run out of time and can keep the message or record again. I almost erase it to start over but a knock on my door startles me and I press the button to save it.

"Clare?" Fitz calls through the door. He finds it locked when he tries to open it and I don't move but he picks the lock of course. "Escaping the party? What happened to the bed?"

"I found one of Drew's teammates making out with a cheerleader and didn't want to lie on the bed after that. Those things need to be burned, or at least washed. There's too many people out there and I didn't feel like being in a crowd. Owen and Drew are having a good time and it's their birthday not mine I don't need to be out there."

"I'll get some different sheets and throw the blankets in the dryer to sanitize them. You want anything from the kitchen while I'm out there?" Fitz asks and I shake my head.

He grabs the blankets and leaves my room and then my phone rings in my hand and startles me. I look down and see that it's Jeff calling.

"Hi."

"You okay your message sounded odd?"

"Yeah sorry I was just bored. It's Owen and Drew's birthday party but there's too many people here and I didn't feel like a crowd. I'm okay and Fitz will be back in a moment, you should go back to whatever you were doing."

"I have to go anyway we're at the movies but I wanted to make sure you were okay after your message."

"I'm fine, sorry for calling."

"It's okay, I'll talk to you later," Jeff says before hanging up.

I set my phone down and Fitz comes back in with clean sheets. We make my bed and then lie on it together. Fitz goes out again to get us pop and cake, Drew and Owen haven't blown out candles and had everyone sing Happy Birthday to them in three years. Less to do with deciding they were too old and more to do with the number of people that began attending their party. We eat cake on my bed before lying down again, we don't talk much but I don't feel much like talking.

"I was thinking we should go on another date, you know dinner and a movie or something," Fitz comments.

"Next Friday after the last game," I reply.

"Sure," Fitz nods.

Even with the party in the house the two of us fall asleep after a while of lying there silently. I suppose the fact that we only slept a couple of hours last night has caught up with us. We fall asleep still dressed but I wake up shivering because it's cold and go out to retrieve my blankets from the dryer at which point I change into one of Fitz's shirts. We're the first ones awake the next morning and our house is fuller than usual. Half a dozen kids who don't sleep here on a regular basis seem to have passed out in the living room.

"You two are awake early," Spin remarks when we come out to the kitchen.

"We fell asleep early too," I reply.

"Clare put some clothes on," Spinner scolds me.

"These are clothes," I respond.

"No that's his shirt, go put on some clothes before other people wake up. The boys in the living room are not part of our group and I don't trust them," Spinner says.

"You don't think I can handle myself? I kneed a boy yesterday for trying to kiss me," I enlighten my brother.

"Knowing that you can handle yourself and trusting the boys in the living room are two different things. I'm sure they couldn't touch with all of us here anyway but I don't them to get the vision of you dressed like that stuck in their minds. Now go put some clothes on."

I give in and return to my room to get dressed, Fitz comes with me also getting dressed and says he's going to go home to get some other clothes and he'll be back later. Spinner has the day off today and once the other kids leave and it's just people in our group we hang out playing games and watching movies. Owen and Johnny slept over again but everyone else had gone home. Sean has work today and Emma is studying for a test, Jenna and K.C. are spending the day with Joey and Caitlin, Tris is with his boyfriends I'm sure. Everyone else is here and either hungover or tired, everyone but Fitz and I. Everyone kind of snacks through dinner, grabbing leftovers from the party. We're watching a movie I've seen and I get bored, so I start kissing Fitz.

"I think we should go back to my room," I whisper to him.

"We'd have to climb over everyone and they'd see us going back to your room," Fitz whispers back.

"I'm bored; I know something much more fun we could be doing."

"You can wait half an hour until the movie is over," Fitz whispers and I huff getting up and stepping my way through people. "Are you really that bored?" Fitz asks I guess he followed me.

"Yes I am; also horny I was going to fuck you on the sofa but you know my brothers are there an all. Come on," I smile taking his hand and turning back toward my room pulling Fitz with me, "let's go make love."

"No you don't!" Spinner's booming voice makes us both jump and we turn around. "You are not about to lose your virginity with all of us in the living room," Spin says.

"Please I lost my virginity weeks ago," I reply.

My oldest brother clenches his jaw and turns a deep red, you can practically see the steam coming out of his ears. He looks away from me and glares at Fitz like he's ready to kill.

"Hey don't kill me I was in juvie when she lost her virginity," Fitz says.

"WHO WAS IT I'M GOING TO KILL THEM!"

**It's not a terrible cliffhanger however there is no chapter next Friday or Saturday. This story will return in two weeks picking up from right here. It will also likely include Drew's birthday and some more shocking news.**


	31. The Sun is Shining but not for Me

**And the winner of the poll is…**_**Love Me Back to Life **_**by over 40 votes! So that will replace this next week.**

**As for the other two stories **_**Girls Next Door, **_**which came in second place, is a Clew story and will eventually be a Tuesday story but **_**We Ain't Done Anything I'd Take Back **_**started only a few weeks ago and **_**Salvaged &amp; Saved **_**will replace that.**

**And **_**Supernatural High **_**will most likely replace **_**Swirling Storm Inside **_**however that is a very long way from ending.**

**Please note there will be no story tomorrow or Monday because I will be with family and won't have time to write.**

_**!WARNING! **__**This chapter contains a possible trigger warning and gets intense at moments.**_

**Ch. 31 The Sun is Shining but not for Me**

**(CLARE)**

"WHO WAS IT I'M GOING TO KILL THEM!" Spinner yells and it brings everyone in the house running over to us.

"What's going?" Adam questions as they crowd into the hallway.

"Clare lost her virginity and she needs to tell me who so I can go kill them," Spinner says.

"It was Jeff," Drew enlightens him and now Spin turns his head to glower at Drew because he's been withholding information.

"You can't kill Jeff and it was my decision Spin," I tell him with a firm yet annoyed tone as I stomp my foot.

"YOU KNEW," Spin yells at Drew.

"I saw her walking the next morning I knew that walk and she said if I told anyone she'd never forgive me," Drew says in his defense.

"Who else knew about this?" Spinner demands and looks right at Adam.

"I'm her twin you know I knew and you know I don't tell anyone our secrets," Adam replies and now Spinner looks at Fitz.

"She's sleeping with me if I'd told you then you would have killed me."

"Why am I the last to know?" Spinner asks.

"I didn't know," Maya says.

"You're not the last to know Spinner and I didn't tell you because if you'd known I knew you'd react just like this. It was my decision to have sex and to sleep with Jeff. I wanted it and I knew what we were doing and if you even think about killing Jeff I will never speak to you again," I inform Spinner then grab Fitz's hand and pull him into my room slamming and locking the door. Then I grab my coat and shoes and start putting them on.

"What are you doing?" Fitz questions.

"Going out for some fresh air. You don't have to come," I reply.

"Right like I'm going to stay here," Fitz responds getting his coat and shoes.

We go out my window so we don't have to walk through everyone else. I have no idea where we're going I just wanted to get out of the house. I start walking toward the park, it's freezing outside and starting to snow but I don't care.

"He infuriates me, they all do," I complain as we walk through the park path.

"They only react that way because they care," Fitz says.

"I know that but it doesn't make it any less infuriating. When Drew lost his virginity Spinner didn't bat an eye. He finds out I'm not a virgin anymore and he freaks out! And why because I'm a girl!"

"Maybe it's not so much that you're a girl and more about the fact that you hid it from him," Fitz says.

"Are you kidding? If I'd told him my plan he would have bought me a chastity belt and locked me in my room and you know it. If you were the one I'd lost my virginity to and I'd come to you to tell you I wanted to lose my virginity you would have been doing all that you could to keep it as secret as possible. It's always been that way. I'm exactly the same age Drew was when he lost his virginity but if Spinner had his way I wouldn't have sex until I was 35 and married. I love my family but sometimes they drive me so nuts. You know he wouldn't have reacted that way if Drew or Adam had told him he lost his virginity?"

"No but I'm not sure how Adam would lose his virginity and Drew's already lost his. You know Paige will talk to him and he'll calm down."

"That's not the point, the point is that he thinks he can run my life."

"He is your guardian."

"Sean's your guardian and he doesn't run your life. It's like he doesn't want me to have a mind of my own. Or he wants me to share Adam's. Brothers are extremely frustrating, all of them. I have my own life and my own needs and my own wants."

"And just what do you want? What do you want right now?" Fitz asks walking over and putting his arms around me.

"I don't know," I reply turning in his arms and putting my head on his chest.

"If you could have anything?"

"I'd want Zig back."

"Yeah me too," Fitz says softly rubbing my back. "It's freezing out I don't think we should stay outside for long. You want to come to my place?"

"No I want to be out, let's go on a date."

"Right now?"

"Yeah right now, let's go out."

"Okay but my car is back at your place."

"We don't need a car let's walk. There's places around here."

"Coffee and dessert at The Dot then," Fitz says putting his arm around me and we start walking again. "You know you're going to have to go back and face Spinner at some point," Fitz comments.

"I know but I need some time to cool down and so does he."

"Do you want to call Jeff and warn him that Spinner might be on the warpath?"

"Yeah I guess I should," I nod getting out my phone and click on Jeff's name.

"Hey," he answers.

"Hi I just wanted to let you know that Spin found out I'm not a virgin anymore and Drew told him it was you. He doesn't know where you live and I'd like to believe that he wouldn't drive all the way to Guelph to hurt you but I'm really not too sure. Just be careful."

"I'll be fine; I guess he didn't take it too well?"

"If by well you mean he yelled and wanted to know who it was so he could kill them then he took it fabulously. I had to get out so I'm at The Dot with Fitz, I'll call you later."

Jeff says goodbye and hangs up just as we reach The Dot. Fitz opens the door for me and we go inside. We order and Fitz pays and then we sit down near the window.

"So does this actually count as a date?" Fitz questions.

"Yes? Why are you keeping track of how many times we go out so you can compete with Jeff?"

"No, I don't want to compete with Jeff I was just curious if it was a date," Fitz replies.

"You are very confounding sometimes," I comment and Fitz chuckles. Just as I'm finishing eating I see Spinner's care pull up outside. "I'll bet he's here for me," I comment slumping down in my seat.

"You want to try and run out the back?"

"No I'm going to have to face him I might as well get it over with," I sigh as Spinner walks in.

"Fitz I need to speak with my sister," Spinner tells him.

"Yeah I'm going to head home anyway. I'll call you later Clare," Fitz says getting up.

"How'd you even know I was here?" I ask Spinner.

"I run this place and they called me when you two came in," Spinner comments.

"Great you have spies everywhere," I groan as I get up.

Fitz kisses my cheek before leaving. Spinner and I go outside but instead of getting in his car he walks up the stairs to the club. I guess we're talking up there, although given the number of people that tend to be at my house that's probably not a bad idea.

Spinner unlocks the door and I go in, walking all the way to the back and sitting in one of the arm chairs. Spinner comes over sitting on the edge of the sofa next to the arm chair. He looks at his hands, then me, and then away from me I guess he's searching for the right words.

"You're not going to ground me are you?"

"No but finding you a chastity belt and removing your bedroom door crossed my mind," Spinner replies and I twist my face at him. "Don't worry I didn't do either one. I just don't know when you grew up and I don't think you were grown up enough to make that kind of decision."

"You're joking right?"

"Clare you're fifteen!"

"So was Drew and don't you dare tell me he's more mature than I am."

"No he's not but…"

"But what?" I cut my eldest brother off. "But he's a guy so it's okay for him?"

"I didn't say that."

"No but that's you're thinking. I've grown up in a house full of boys, three older brothers and all their friends. I wanted to lose my virginity and I wanted it to be with Jeff. I care about him deeply and I wanted it to be him and everything in me told me it was the right time, that it was right. My reasons are my own and I was safe, he was gentle and it was a beautiful memory I will cherish. If I thought I was in danger it never would have happened. You can't control my life Spin but you and Dad, and even Drew and Adam, taught me to be strong and take care of myself. You want me to be independent and be me own person but then when I do anything that is independent you freak out."

"Not always and this isn't just any little thing, losing your virginity is a huge decision. Yes Drew was your age but he and Bianca had been dating a year when they made love for the first time and Paige and I for two years. I just worry that you made this decision lightly and quickly."

"I'm not you, or Drew or Paige or Bianca. I didn't take the decision lightly at all and I didn't make it quickly but I'm not going to explain how I came to the decision that the time was right for me. It's not like I went out and just fucked some random guy I knew exactly what I was doing and what I wanted and went for it. With all the things the media puts out about how women look and act you should be proud that I'm comfortable enough with who I am to do so."

"I am; I am very proud of you but it doesn't change the fact that I worry about you."

"I know and I probably can't stop you from worrying but can you at least try to have more faith in me that I know what I'm doing? I know that sometimes I do things that are…somewhat self-destructive and a little crazy but that doesn't mean all my actions are like that. I do think about most of my decisions. Besides which if there were really something to worry about Adam would know."

"Yeah I know but he doesn't always talk to me about things either."

"If we are worried enough we'll come to you or we'll come to someone in our group. We love you Spin but you've always been like our dad and it's not always easy to come to your parents with everything."

"Yeah I guess not and as long as you go to someone in our group when you need to then I'm okay with it. At least I'll try not to freak out when you tell me things like that."

"Not sure what else there is for you to freak out about, I'm on birth control and Fitz still uses condoms each time so it would be really hard for me to get pregnant. And if I do get married it's not going to be for a very long time."

"Good," Spinner smiles leaning forward to hug me tightly, "let's keep it that way. Come on let's go home."

**(SPINNER)**

"Hey Sean," I nod to him as he walks in The Dot.

"Hey Spin you heard from Jay at all?"

"No, not in a few days why?"

"He didn't show up for work today and he's not answering his phone. I went to his place but he's not there. I need to go find him something is up."

"Hang on I'll see if I can get someone to cover the rest of my shift and come with you," I tell him just as Clare and Fitz come into the café.

"Hey bro," Fitz greets his brother. "What's wrong?" Fitz asks when he sees Sean's worried face.

"Jay's missing," he informs him and my sister begins to panic.

"What do you mean Jay is missing? Where is he? How can he be missing?" She questions rapidly in a high pitched anxiety filled voice.

"He didn't show up for work and he's not at his place, he's also not answering his phone," Sean tells her.

"I want to look for him too," Clare insists.

"Clare you have 3rd and 4th period still and lunch is almost over," I tell her.

"I have communications technology and media studies and I can easily get the work and homework from someone else in the class. I'm not going to fail if I skip one class and I won't be able to concentrate knowing Jay's missing. When Zig went missing he was found dead," Clare says.

"I'll go with her, I won't miss anything in auto shop I couldn't learn from Sean and Adam or Bianca can tell us what happened in media studies. Anyway it's not like failing a class is going to matter much to me," Fitz says and his brother gives him a harsh look.

"I won't let him fail but we need to find Jay," Clare asserts.

"Alright go, Sean can you call Simpson and explain where our younger siblings are off to while I get someone to cover my shift?"

"Yeah I'll call Emma too," Sean nods.

He walks out with Fitz and Clare and they exchange a few words and then Clare and Fitz walk toward the school to get in his car I'm sure. Because the bell at DeGrassi is going to ring in a few minutes the café pretty much empties out. I call a few employees and one of them says he'll come in.

"I told Simpson and he said Clare and Fitz would be fine. Emma just got out of class but she's going to go by Jay's place again and then she'll check our place. She'll call me after that," Sean says coming back in.

"I've got someone coming in to cover the rest of my shift, he'll be here in fifteen minutes."

Sean nods and I start logging out and getting my stuff so I can take off as soon as my relief is here. When he does show up I thank him and leave with Sean, we take his car and he starts driving.

"Is Clare okay? She kind of snapped the second she found out Jay was missing."

"Man I don't know; I never know with her. Sometimes she seems like she's more on top of things than any of us. Like she knows everything and the rest of us are catching up. Other times it's like she's barely holding on by a thread and that thread is very frayed and slowly being burned away. Although considering that the last time one of us went missing, which was just over two weeks ago, she was shot in the leg and Zig ended up dead I can't blame her. You know it just occurred to me that letting her search with Fitz alone again might not have been the best idea."

"Well they can't run into Vince again and Jay's not involved with drugs. Fitz will take care of her."

"That I am sure of. Which is why I didn't kill him on Sunday when I found out he'd been having sex with my baby sister. So where are we going first?"

"I don't really know, figured I'd just drive around some of the places he hangs out and then just drive around."

"He had the flu last week is he sick again?"

"No I don't think so; he was pretty sick but he was feeling well enough to come into work yesterday. He had spent almost the last week just lying in bed though. Maybe he got sick again or weak and passed out. We'll stop by all the hospitals too."

And that's what we do, drive around but with no sign of Jay anywhere. Emma goes by his place but he's not there, she meets up with Johnny and they go looking. Fitz and Clare check in but they haven't seen him. No one at the ravine has seen him. By eleven and still no sign of Jay anywhere we go back to my house. Emma, Maya, Johnny, Owen and Fitz are here along with everyone that lives here full time. It's like Jay's been swallowed up by the earth, there is no sign of him. Everyone stays here but no one really sleeps, everyone is worried about Jay and thinking about Zig. At about five Sean gets a call on his cell.

"Hi Tony did you hear from Jay?" Sean answers and then his face changes. "He what?" Sean exclaims and then nods and then hangs up. "Jay called at three this morning and quit his job effective right now but with no explanation."

"Okay Sean you and I will go back to his place, the rest of you get something to eat and split up to look for him," I instruct then Sean and I leave.

We go to Jay's place and knock but there's no answer. Sean uses his key to get in but Jay's not here.

"Something's not right his apartment is not usually this clean. Things look…" Sean pauses looking around the place, "I'm not sure but they look wrong and there's his phone."

"Let's go, he's not here and something is very wrong I can feel it," I tell Sean and he nods. He locks Jay's apartment and we get back in my car, I start driving and look at Sean. "If Jay was really upset or worried or really needed to think and be alone where would he go? You're his best friend Sean think hard there must be somewhere."

"I know a place," Sean nods after a moment. He gives me directions and I know what he's talking about. "There's his car," Sean says as I pull up and we park next to Jay's car.

We run down the trail to the end and when we see Jay our hearts stop and we both yell at the same time.

"**JAY**!"

**(JAY)**

"Are you sure?" I ask the doctor.

"Yes, I looked at the results twice. I'm sorry Jason I know what a devastating diagnosis this is b…" the doctor is saying but I don't want to hear it. As soon as she told me all I heard was my life ending.

I stand up quickly and storm out, leaving the office and jumping in my car. I just start driving, no destination just driving. I just keep going until I'm nearly out of gas and then I pull off at the next exit. I'm somewhere in the woods near a pond. I get out of the car and begin pacing. I feel like I can't breathe and there's so many thoughts going through my head I feel like my brain's going to overload because of all the thoughts. I can't hold a single one long enough to really ponder it they just race through my mind. Mostly I'm just angry, really angry.

For a while I just pace around angrily, kicking the dirt and throwing rocks. It's all I can handle at the moment. Then I sit there in the dirt watching the water, just sit there staring at the water for hours. The sun goes down, it becomes dark, the moon is shining on the water and I just sit there staring at the moon on the water and this time I have no thoughts in my head.

And then I get up, I know what I need to do now. I drive to the closest town and fill up on gas. I don't get anything to eat, even though I haven't eaten anything in over fourteen hours I'm not hungry. I drive back to Toronto and it's three in the morning which should be a good time to do what I need to. I stop at home first to get all the cash I have stashed and make a phone call. I call work and leave a message on Tony's office line.

"It's Jay I quit effective right now," I say and hang up.

I stuff the cash in my pocket and get back in my car. I drive to a back alley near the ravine where I know some true hoodlums hang out.

"Hogart what are you doing here?"

"I need a gun, a revolver and I'm not going through all the stuff to get licensed."

"I got you, a revolver is not a common request out here but I think I got what you want," he says opening his trunk. He has a couple cases he opens, most of his merchandise is glocks and semi-automatics that hold twenty rounds or more. I see one revolver, looks like a slightly older piece and was probably stolen but I don't care. "Here you go, a Smith and Wesson double action," he tells me handing me the gun.

"Yeah this is good I'll take it, you got bullets?"

"Yeah here you go, twenty shells. I'll sell you both for $300."

"Sold," I reply taking out the cash from my pocket. I count out three hundred and hand it to him.

He counts it and get back in my car driving back home. It's barely four in the morning but I have some things to do. I prepare my apartment and then take my laptop getting back in my car, it's a little before five now. I drive to one of my favorite spots, well drive as close as I can get and park. I open my laptop to do a few things, by the time I'm finished it's a little after seven and the sun is up. I set my laptop on the passenger seat and get out of my care locking it up, then I walk the trail to my favorite spot. It's in the woods near the ravine but up the creek in a more secluded spot. I get out and walk to the edge, looking at the water, listening to it trickle. I take a deep breath and take out the gun loading one bullet into the chamber and make sure the bullet will fire and it won't be an empty chamber, I'm not trying to play Russian Roulette. I place the gun against my temple, I hear footsteps coming but I ignore them as I cock the revolver and put my finger on the trigger…

**I don't think it's the worst cliffhanger I've ever left you guys on but it's at least in the top five. I know I'm terrible for leaving it this way but you only have to wait a week for the update which will pick up from right here.**


	32. Not a Matter of If just a Question of Wh

**Don't forget to visit the DeGrassi Saviors website and go to my page daily for clues and pictures related to that night's chapter. You can also see a calendar for my full writing schedule. **

**The July calendar is up, July is one shot week and short story month. August will be up soon as I get it all worked out. Things are going to change a little in August, life and work are so busy right now it's becoming too much to post every day and I'm skipping a lot of chapters. So beginning in August I will no longer be posting weekly one shots, I'll be doing one shot weeks every other month and a one shot month. There will be one day each week, the same day, that I do not post so I can get other things done. I'll also likely be moving the schedule around a little.**

**Sorry that it's so short tonight but I figure short is better than none. There is a lot going on right now and it's been quite the day.**

**Ch. 32 Not a Matter of If just a Question of When**

**(JAY)**

I place the gun against my temple, I hear footsteps coming but I ignore them as I cock the revolver and put my finger on the trigger ready to pull.

"**JAY**!" Spinner and Sean yell and I pull the gun away to look back at them. I want to end it all but not in front of my two best friends.

"What the fuck are you doing?" Sean demands as he runs over and grabs the gun from my hand.

"I'm dead anyway," I inform them.

"What are you talking about?" Spinner asks.

"I went to the doctor a few days ago and they called me back in yesterday. My blood test was positive for HIV. I'm HIV positive, I'm dead anyway just go away so I can end it my way."

"We're not leaving so you can kill yourself, it's not happening," Spinner replies.

"I have a death sentence," I growl back.

"No you don't. Don't get me wrong this really sucks and your lifestyle is probably going to have to change but AIDS research has come a long a way. You're not dead yet and before you do something like this you need to at least find out what your options are," Sean asserts.

"Sean is right, there are medications and support groups and probably other things. What did the doctor say?" Spinner asks.

"I don't know, she told me and I left."

"Yeah and we've been worried about since yesterday. Why didn't you come to us?" Sean questions.

"Because she told me and all I could think was that I was going to die. I was angry and I need to get away. I spent a lot of time being angry and not thinking and then thinking that I was going to get more and more ill before I die. I don't want to get sicker and weaker I want to go out my way. What kind of life am I supposed to have now?"

"I don't know but I know you have time and you can't just give up now. You're not even ill, you just found out and if you take care of yourself you can live a long life. If you become ill at some point, I mean truly ill and we know the end is coming and you want to end it on your terms then fine but you can't just end it now and give up without even trying," Sean asserts.

"I can't even imagine how you're feeling right now but you're not alone. You have all of us Jay, all of us and we will help and support you however we can. We need to talk to the doctor, the three of us need to go so we can hear all the options. You need to find a support group, you need to be with other people who are going through what you are," Spinner says.

Their words sink in and I crumple to the ground on my knees as I begin to cry. Sean and Spin sit on either side of me, each putting a hand on my shoulder. I've never cried very much, not even as a small child but at the moment I can't seem to stop. Spinner and Sean don't say anything they're just with me and eventually the tears stop.

"Come on let's get you home, you ride with me and Spin will drive your car."

I nod and they help me up, I hand Spinner my keys and we walk back together. I get in Sean's car with him and Spin follows in my car.

"I don't know what to do Sean, I just feel like I'm going to die, it's all I can think about."

"I know but that's why we need to go and talk to your doctor, or any doctor. You, me and Spin first thing Monday or sooner if we can. We'll find out all our options, what kind of chances you have and what you need to do from here. Do you know how you got it?"

"I can only think of one thing, Manny. When we had sex on Halloween I didn't use a condom. If that wasn't it then I have no idea," I sigh. I have this terrible feeling Manny knew or found out right after and that's why I never heard from her again. It doesn't take long to get home and I unlock the door.

"I'm going to take Spinner home; I'll be back in fifteen minutes tops. Take a shower and don't do anything else," Sean asserts.

"I promise," I nod.

"If you ever feel like killing yourself again call one of us," Spinner tells me before hugging me.

"I'll be right back," Sean reminds me.

"I'll be here I swear," I nod and they leave.

I go to my washroom and start the shower. I stay in the shower for a few minutes but just to rinse off and wash my hair. All I can think about is how close I came to ending it all today. Just as I get out of the shower and wrap a towel around my waist the doorbell rings. Sean has his own key so it must be one of the others, I peek through the peephole and open the door when I see Fitz and Clare.

"We were at my place and my brother called," Fitz tells me.

"You selfish idiot," Clare snaps smacking me several times. "You can't kill yourself we need you! I've lost so many people and we just lost Zig and you were going to just kill yourself in the woods!"

"I know I'm sorry but I was shocked and scared and I don't want to die sick and weak," I tell them as Fitz takes Clare's arms so she stops hitting me.

"I understand that but you were going to give up without even trying! I've never known Jason Hogart to give in without fighting to the end. Didn't you think that we'd want to know instead of hearing that you were found shot in the woods? Don't you know we're all here for you you big moron! This isn't the 1980's a diagnosis of HIV or AIDS is not an automatic death sentence. If you ever disappear like that again I'm going plant a tracking chip on you," Clare threatens.

"I'm sorry okay, I should have talked to someone or told someone what the doctor said but I freaked."

"You're allowed to freak, you are not allowed to disappear and try to kill yourself."

"It was stupid and I swear to you I'll never do something so stupid again. If I get the notion to end it all again I'll call someone."

"You'd better, I was really scared, we all were and we just lost Zig. If we'd lost you too…" Clare's sentence drifts off as her eyes fill with tears.

"You're not," I assure her hugging her tightly, "not yet anyway and if it comes to that I'll talk to someone first I won't just disappear."

Clare nods against my chest and we hear the front door open, I look over as Sean comes back in. Clare and Fitz say goodbye before leaving.

"Emma is going to bring dinner over and Paige is going to look up a good doctor and support group for you," Sean tells me.

"Thanks," I nod.

"Spin is telling everyone and I'm sure everyone will want to see you but we told them to give you time. Although I guess Clare didn't listen, not that she usually does."

"It's okay she needed to say it and she needed my reassurance I wasn't going anywhere yet. And I needed to hear how selfish I'd been and how much I'm still needed."

"And you are."

"I just have no idea what to do now or how much time I've got left."

**The update next Saturday will probably jump a couple of days and include Jay confronting Manny.**


	33. It Ain't a Question of 'If'

**I'm back! Sorry for the sudden and unexpected break last week but there was just too much going on between work and personal life. **

**Make sure you visit the DeGrassi Saviors site and my page for the daily clue and the full writing schedule. June and July calendars are up and August will go up after One Shot Week in July. **

**The calendar will be changing a little in August, things are so busy now that posting every day is just too much and it's leading to a lot of skipped chapters. So I will no longer be posting weekly one shots, I will be doing one shot weeks every two months instead of three and a one shot month. All together it will be roughly the same amount, if not more, of one shots posted while still giving me a day without posting. One Shot Month is Monday, September 5****th**** – Sunday, October 2****nd**** this year.**

***ART stand for antiretroviral**

**Ch. 33 It Ain't a Question of 'If', Just a Matter of Time**

**(SPINNER)**

"Bye see you Monday," Clare calls as she comes out of her room and I come running out of my bedroom to see her in the hallway, she's holding Fitz's hand and a bag in her other hand.

"Hold it, where are you going for the next two days?" I inquire. As usual we have people at the house, Adam and Maya are in his room. Drew's at work but Bianca is in their room. Owen and Johnny are here, watching TV in the living room but they wouldn't stop her from going anywhere anyway, well not when she's with Fitz. Paige is here too, in the kitchen starting on dinner.

"Staying at Fitz's place for the weekend, there are less people there. Actually since Emma and Sean are staying at Jay's tonight there's no one there," Clare replies.

"Be safe," I tell them.

"I'll take care of her," Fitz assures me.

"Yeah I know you will. You'll be back Monday after school?"

"Yes big brother," she replies with a slightly annoyed tone to her voice.

"I'll see you Monday," I relent.

Clare smiles and kisses my cheek, then she and Fitz leave. I follow them to the living room, Owen and Johnny simply wave as my sister leaves with Fitz. I go into the kitchen and find Paige stirring a sauce, I walk over putting my arms around her from behind and kissing her neck.

"Hi," she giggles.

"I think we should go out to dinner," I tell her.

"What about everyone else?" Paige questions.

"I'm pretty sure they can figure out how to feed themselves," I reply taking the spoon from her hand and turning off the burner.

Paige turns around and gives me a tender kiss, "Give me a few minutes to change."

I move my arm so she can get to the bedroom. I turn off the other burner and then leave the kitchen.

"I'm taking Paige to dinner you all can figure out dinner for yourselves," I announce to the house.

"HAVE FUN," they all reply almost synchronized.

Paige and I change into some clothes nicer than jeans and t-shirts and then we leave for dinner. I had no plans and made no reservations but it's the middle of November and it's been snowing so I'm not too worried. I take us to one of our favorite restaurants and we only have to wait ten minutes for a table.

"Have I told you," I comment reaching across the table and taking her hand, "that you look exceptionally beautiful tonight?"

"Thank you," she smiles, "but I'm just wearing a sweater and black jeans."

"And you look amazing, although with your beauty you could wear anything and still look incredible," I reply and she giggles as the waiter comes over.

We order and eat while talking mostly about our jobs. After dinner we get in my car and I drive us to an overlook with a view of the city lights and the snowfall. I'd get out of the car but it's freezing outside so I take her hand and look into the eyes of the woman I love.

"Do you know how much I love you, how very deeply I fall in love with you each and every day. How much I admire you. You've grown from a headstrong confident girl to a strong, independent, mature woman. You can not only handle me but my siblings and you've always been great with them and they all look up to you. You are the only woman I have ever been in love with and I know I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Paige will you marry me?"

"Yes," she grins wide and captures my lips. Her hand grips the back of my neck and we stay locked in the kiss for several minutes before I break it. I only pull away a couple of inches to lock eyes with her again.

"I don't want to take anything from Emma and Sean but I want to get married now, not tonight but soon. Maybe next month around Christmas? At the house in front of our friends and family, because all our friends are family. I lost my mom when I was young and my father a year and a half ago. We lost Zig and I've thought I was going to lose Clare more than once in the last few months. Now Jay's faced with this life altering disease. Life is too short to wait for anything and I know we already live together but I want you to be my wife."

"And I would be honored to be your wife. A small wedding at the house with our family and friends sounds perfect," she smiles and our lips join again.

We continue kissing for a long time, so long the windows have fogged up. We finally break from the kiss for need of air. We're both smiling and I roll the windows down a little to let some air into the car.

"Should we go share the news? Sean and Emma are at Jay's place right now and I think Jay could use some good news after yesterday," I comment.

"Yeah he could, I think most of us could. Let's go see Emma, Jay and Sean and then we'll go to the house and tell everyone there. If we're really doing this next month, even keeping it small we have some planning to do," Paige remarks as I start driving to Jay's place. I park out front, get out putting my arm around Paige and we knock on the door.

"Hey guys," Sean smiles as he steps aside to let us in.

"I'm still alive and I'm doing fine you two didn't have to come check up on me," Jay comments.

"We didn't come to check up on you, we know Sean and Emma are taking care of you. We came to give you some good news, we're getting married," Paige grins.

"Next month at the house, life is too short to wait," I inform them.

"Emma will you be my maid of honor?"

"Of course," Emma smiles hugging Paige.

"I was going to have my brothers be my best men," I comment.

"I'm sure Clare will be happy to be a maid of honor as well," Paige smiles.

"That's great news congratulations you two," Jay smiles hugging us both.

Sean says congrats and we stay a few minutes talking with them before we leave. We go home to find everyone still there and now Drew is home.

"How was dinner?" Adam questions. It looks like they finished the pasta Paige was making and ordered pizza.

"It was great and we're getting married," I reply.

"It's about damn time you two got engaged," Owen replies.

"Yeah we've been expecting this for months," Adam comments.

"I want you two to be my best men," I tell my brothers.

"Well duh," Drew replies.

"Good 'cause we're getting married next month, around Christmas."

"We'll do it here at the house, a small ceremony with everyone but there's still a lot to plan," Paige says.

"I can help plan, I love weddings," Maya grins.

"Yeah me too and I'm sure Clare and Emma will help, probably Jenna too," Bianca remarks.

"We'll probably need everyone's help. Right now we're going to go celebrate," I grin licentiously and pick Paige up into my arms taking her back to our room.

**(JAY)**

"I don't see how this is going to help," I grumble as Sean and I get out of his car and walk toward the church. We're not here for church we're here for an AIDS/HIV support group. Yesterday morning Sean and Emma came with me to the doctor, a specialist in the field, so that we know what my options are and everything I need to be doing. We were there for two hours and there was a lot of information. I've already begun taking ART drugs, they gave me a combo that's in one pill so I don't have to take a dozen pills a day. The doctor also said I'd probably start feeling side effects in the next couple of days. We also called Tony yesterday, we told him about my diagnosis and I'm on medical leave until after Christmas. It will give me time to adjust to this new way of life, to adjust to the medicines and any of the side effects from them, or new ones if the medications need to be changed.

"We're here because no one else can even begin to guess what you're going through but everyone here is in some stage of the disease. They are the only ones that will understand what you're feeling and thinking. They've been through what you're going through, they can tell you what worked for them and what didn't. You know we're all here for you but we can't even begin to imagine what you're going through or feeling but they will."

"If I just feel more depressed because I'm in a room of dying people I'm never coming back," I tell him as we walk into the church. It's Sunday afternoon and you can see that the service ended not too long ago.

"Fair enough," Sean nods. We find the sign for the support group which is held in a back room of the church.

"Welcome I'm Dennis," a man says when we enter the room, "please have a seat in the circle."

"Oh I'm just here for support," Sean tells him.

"Good we welcome friends and family, you can join us in the circle or sit to the side if you prefer," Dennis replies.

I look at Sean silently telling him that he'd better sit with me. We sit down in the circle of chairs, there's about twenty chairs and they all fill up, they even move in more chairs when more people come. I'm not sure if it's comforting to me or incredibly frightening that there are so many people here that either have HIV or AIDS or are here to support someone with it.

"Welcome everyone, we have a new face here tonight, actually two of them," Dennis comments looking at us when everyone is seated.

"Uh I'm Jason but everyone calls me Jay. This is my best friend Sean he's here for support. I was just diagnosed a few days ago."

"I bet you felt like you'd walked into a brick wall and the floor suddenly fell out from under you, while at the same time someone had reached into your chest and stopped your heart," comments one guy.

"Yeah that's exactly how I felt," I nod.

"I didn't want to live anymore. I didn't want to get sick and frail," remarks a woman in her twenties.

"I felt that too, after the anger that's all I could think. I would take control and take my own life, I bought the gun and was about to pull the trigger when Sean and my other best friend Spinner found me and stopped me."

"I took pills, an entire bottle. I wasn't only HIV positive I was pregnant," a woman speaks up. She looks like she's in her late thirties, she seems sad when she talks about it but she was smiling when we came in here. "My parents found me and called 911, I lost the baby which was probably for the best, but I lived. I found hope, I met a wonderful man and fell in love. We've been together fifteen years now, we got married and we've adopted two children. He's known since our first date and he fell in love with me anyway. We learned all we could about safe sex and not spreading the disease to him or our children. I have a life now, a good one. As hopeless as I know you feel right now you can find hope again."

"It doesn't feel like it, all I know is I have these pills to take and I have to change my life," I comment sinking down in my chair.

"I was diagnosed three months ago and I still feel like it's hopeless. One of the worst things has been side effects from the medications. I've changed the medication grouping twice now," a woman says.

The support group continues for over an hour, most of the people that were more recently diagnosed talk about how hopeless or terrible they feel, which is what I feel. Most of the people that have been living with the disease for a long time talk about how they have a life now and there is hope.

"So do you feel better or worse?" Sean asks me when we're back in the car.

"I'm not really sure actually. It was kind of nice to hear that people have been living with this for a long time and they have a life, fallen in love, gotten married and all that. But most of them took several years to get to that place. It was also helpful yet depressing to hear from the people in roughly the same stage I am. I know they went through what I am but all the side effects from the drugs and the depression and hopeless feelings stick around for a while. So I don't know it was helpful yet depressing but I guess I'll go back next week."

"Good," Sean smiles, "you want to go to the Mason's?"

"Yeah sure, it's Sunday so I'm sure anyone not working is there and that will probably cheer me up, being with people I love."

**(CLARE)**

"You think Spin and Paige will really be able to pull off a wedding in a month?" Fitz asks.

"I think," I reply flipping him to his back, "that you shouldn't talk about my brother when we're making love."

"Sorry," Fitz laughs.

"If you're not in the mood I can do someone else," I comment.

Fitz growls and reaches up flipping us so that he's on top once more. He lightly pins my wrists above my head and gently kisses my neck. He thrusts slowly and rhythmically at first, it's almost teasing the way he does it and all the while he kisses my neck and jaw. When my hips begin bucking and grinding he picks up his pace. With every thrust he goes a little faster and a little harder until we both explode in rapturous orgasm. He slows down, thrusting a few more times before pulling out and taking off the condom before he lies next to me. I turn on my side and put my head on his chest, Fitz puts his arm around me while I begin slowly dragging my finger over his chest.

"I think we should make this official," Fitz says almost in a whisper after a moment.

"Making love or lying naked together?"

"No," Fitz replies tickling my side and forcing a shriek from my lips, "I meant us. We should be official. Girlfriend and boyfriend, we should be official."

"What exactly would that change? We're already making love and you've been sleeping at my house and in my bed for a long time. And I've been sleeping in yours since your mom left. We already go on dates and all that stuff so other than labeling you as my boyfriend what would it change?"

"You would officially be my girlfriend so you wouldn't be dating anyone else."

"You're not asking me to be your girlfriend just so I can't go out with Jeff are you?"

"Do you want to go out with Jeff?"

"That wasn't an answer that was another question, which usually means you're trying to hide something."

"I'm asking you because I want you to be my girlfriend, I don't want you to be Jeff's girlfriend but not in a possessive way. If you want to date Jeff I wouldn't stop you, I'd even be happy for you if that's what you wanted but I think you know how I feel, how I've felt for a long time and I'd like us to be official."

"Other than the fact that I shouldn't date or have sex with anyone else I'm still not sure what it would change."

"Well that's kind of the point, it wouldn't change all that much because it's already like we're dating we just aren't official. No one is going to be surprised by it, not even Jeff. And I'm not asking you to choose either, you can still talk to Jeff even see him when he's here. But you'd be my girlfriend so no kissing or having sex with Jeff, if you want to be with him then tell me."

I'm silent for a moment as I slowly drag my finger over his chest in little swirls, "I honestly have no idea what I want. But I know I like being with you and you always make me feel good. So yes I'll be girlfriend."

I smile and look up at Fitz and our lips join together in a kiss. We stay locked in the kiss for several minutes before pulling apart to sleep. I fall asleep in my boyfriend's arms and on his chest. We wake up to the alarms on our phones Monday morning and get ready for school. Fitz drives us to school but first we stop at The Dot for breakfast and to see my brother.

"I'm hungry, also Fitz and I are dating," I inform Spin when we enter the café.

"I thought you were already dating," Spin comments while he starts making us coffee.

"Now she's officially my girlfriend, we made it official last night," Fitz explains.

"Okay, so what are you eating?" Spin questions.

Fitz and I order and he pays, of course Spin puts in his discount, and we sit down. Spin brings us the food and we eat before going to school.

"You know I'm going to call Jeff this afternoon to tell him we're official," I comment when we're walking into school.

"I figured you would tell him and I expect that you'll still talk to him," Fitz replies.

"Hey how was your weekend alone in the love shack?" Owen teases putting his arms around our shoulders.

"Our weekend was great and we're official now," Fitz replies.

"Official what?" Owen questions taking his arms from our shoulders and walking next to us.

"Boyfriend and girlfriend," I reply.

"Oh cool, so did you pin her or something?"

"Dude shut up," Fitz responds.

We're at their lockers so we stop and they open their lockers. We tell everyone else that we're official and everyone as about the same reaction. No one is surprised and almost everyone thought we were already official. Everyone but Drew who tells Fitz he better keep me safe and out of trouble. Nothing much happens at school, since football season is over Drew, Owen and K.C. all come home after school. The guys start looking for snacks and the girls get comfortable in the living room. I go into my room to call Jeff and tell him about me and Fitz.

"Hey."

"Hi, how have you been?" I ask him.

"I've been good. How are you?" He questions.

"I'm good, Spinner and Paige are getting married which is good news but Jay is sick which is not good news."

"Sorry to hear that is he okay?"

"No he's not but that's not why I called. Fitz asked me to be his girlfriend last night and I said yes so we're official now."

"Yeah I kind of a had a feeling that was coming," Jeff replies with a tone I can't quite place.

"Are you upset?"

"Well I'm not thrilled but I knew you and Fitz were a thing and he's been out of juvie a while now. So does this mean we can't talk anymore?"

"We can talk of course and hang out but no more of the other stuff."

"Yeah of course. Well I probably won't be back in Toronto until Christmas anyway, busy training for hockey season."

"Yeah Owen's been doing that too. Well I should go, I have homework and everyone will be here for dinner. We're all eating here to have dinner with Jay."

"Sounds like it's serious with Jay. So I'll talk to you soon?"

"Yeah call you soon," I reply and hang up. I set down the phone and go out to the living room to see what there is to eat.

"So how'd he take it?" Fitz asks.

"He took it fine, not sure he was happy but he said he knew it was coming and he'd be out at Christmas," I reply just as Spinner gets home.

"Don't ruin your appetites we're having a big dinner tonight and I need to get started," Spin warns us.

"Spin there's no way I can ruin my appetite," Drew replies with a mouth full of sandwich.

Spin shakes his head and goes into the kitchen and Paige gets home a short time later and she helps Spin make dinner. The rest of us do homework until Spin asks the boys to get out the folding table and chairs from the garage and set them up for dinner. I haven't seen Jay since his diagnosis expect for going to his house to yell at him for trying to commit suicide. I know he had a support group yesterday, went to the doctor with Sean and Emma on Saturday and today Lucas was with him all day.

**(LUCAS)**

"Mmmm that was my alarm I have to get up and get to school," Mia groans when her alarm goes off Monday morning.

"I'd keep you in bed and tell you to ditch if I weren't spending the day with Jay," I reply caressing her arm. Since we started dating a month ago she's been sleeping at my place the last couple of weekends.

"No I need to go to school and you definitely need to be with Jay. I hope he's okay, I can't imagine what he's feeling or going through," Mia says before kissing my chest and getting out of bed and my arms.

"Yeah me either it's pretty devastating. You're still coming to the dinner tonight right?" I question getting out of bed.

"Yes I'll be there; it was really nice of Spinner to invite me. Your friends have been really welcoming."

"Yeah they're like family. I'll pick you up just at five, dinner isn't until six but we should get there a little early," I tell her before stealing her lips for a kiss.

I go into the washroom to get ready and when I come out Mia goes into the washroom. I drop her at school and remind her that I'll text her when I'm on the way to pick her up. She kisses me goodbye before getting out of the car and I drive to Jay's, parking and knocking the front door.

"You know it's not necessary for one of you to be on Jay watch all the time," Jay comments as he opens the door.

"Dude you tried to kill yourself yes it is," I comment as I go in. Since Spin and Sean stopped him on Friday Sean and Emma were at Jay's place all weekend. Sean had to go back to work today but I'm off tonight and I said I'd stay with him.

"I know but it was a snap decision and I promised to tell someone if I was feeling that way again."

"Yeah and if you try to kill yourself again Clare will kill you," I remind him.

"And I never want to be on that girl's bad side, I think she's scarier than her brothers when she's angry."

"Yeah no kidding. So how was your support group?" I ask following him into the kitchen where he's making breakfast.

"It was okay I guess, it was sort of depressing and uplifting at the same time. I don't know if it helped or made things worse to hear about what I'll be going through. But it was good to hear from the people that had been living with it a long time and were living a decently normal life, married with kids and everything. At the same time it took a lot of years for them to get to that place and basically what I heard was the next few years are going to suck. Enough about me how are things with Mia?" Jay inquires.

"Amazing, awesomely amazing, wonderfully amazing."

"So terribly then," Jay jokes.

"I've never felt this way about anyone, Mia is incredible. I'm already in love and I'm going to marry that girl. When I'm with her I'm extremely happy and when I'm not with her I'm thinking about her."

"You've got it bad," Jay laughs.

I help him finish making breakfast and we eat. We spend all day in his apartment, mostly watching movies and talking but I also help him look into some alternate treatments his doctor recommended. I make sure he eats, takes his pills and stays in good spirits. We leave before five and stop to pick up Mia before heading to the Mason's house.

"Hey how you feeling?" Owen asks Jay when we walk in. They have the tables set up and are putting out the chairs.

"Not really sure but I'm not going to kill myself," Jay replies. A few more people ask how he's feeling and everyone hugs him.

"Fitz and Clare became official today," Adam says when we sit down to eat.

"Last night actually," Fitz corrects him.

"So what were you two before?" Jay inquires.

"Unofficial I guess," Clare shrugs.

"I think it's sweet, you two are cute together," Mia grins.

"I'm just happy she's dating one guy and it's someone we know well," Spinner replies and Clare shoots him a look.

"So how are the wedding plans coming?" Mia asks Paige.

"It's amazing how much there is to plan even with having the wedding at the house. We started making a list. We need to get food and a cake, I need a dress. Spin and the guys will rent tux's and I'm not getting an expensive wedding dress but I'd still like a wedding dress plus I'd like to have Emma and Clare in semi-matching bridesmaid's dresses. We need to get an officiator and file for a marriage license, make sure we have enough chairs and figure out how to get married at the house in December with the snow but have enough room to eat and dance and have the ceremony."

"Hey we're all here to help," I remind them.

"Yeah and we're going to need it. We also need rings, flowers and decorations so it looks better than our living room," Spinner comments.

"You should break the list into sections and give everyone a duty. You can have final say but then you won't be stressing about everything," Mia suggests.

"That's a terrific idea," Paige grins.

We eat and hang out at the Mason's for a couple of hours before everyone goes home. I'm sleeping at Jay's tonight and Spinner is going to stay with Jay tomorrow. We say goodnight to everyone and go out to my car and I take Mia home first. I park and tell Jay I'm going to walk Mia to her door.

"Tonight was fun, I really like being with you and your friends," Mia smiles.

"And they all like being with you, but no one likes spending time with you as much as I do. I'll call you tomorrow, you could come over after class and hang out."

"Goodnight Lucas," she smiles putting her hand on my shoulder and our lips collide in a passionate kiss.

Mia breaks from the kiss and I have a huge grin on my lips. I get back in my car and look at Jay as I start the car.

"I'm going to marry that girl."

**The update next Saturday will probably jump ahead to Paige and Spinner's wedding and Christmas.**


	34. Making Shadows through the Snow

**There may not be a chapter next week please see the note at the bottom.**

**Ch. 34 Making Shadows through the Snow**

**(JAY)**

"So how are the wedding plans coming?" I ask Spin while I take my morning ART pill. He's been here since seven which is when Sean left to go to work.

"Pretty good we've got the flowers covered and the girls are going to decorate. The Dot is going to do food, nothing fancy but we're not exactly the fanciest people. Paige was able to get a hold of Dylan and her parents and they're all coming for Christmas so they'll be at the wedding, and Dylan is bringing Marco. We're going to go taste cakes this weekend. We'll have music on the stereo system for the most part but Adam, Maya and Drew will play for the first song Paige and I dance to. We were actually hoping you'd officiate, you can get credited online and we'd love for you to do it."

"I'd be honored to marry to you guys," I grin.

"Good, Paige will be happy. The last thing we need to figure out is how to get it all to work in our living room. We'll be okay for the ceremony portion since there will be seven of us standing, and roughly fifteen sitting, it will be a little tight but we can make it work. The trouble is how to give everyone room to eat and dance. The only alternative is to rent a tent and heaters but that's expensive."

"I'm sure we can get it figured out," I comment before moving down and closing my eyes.

"You alright?" Spinner asks.

"Yeah just a headache and feeling kind of nauseous it's just side effects from the meds. If they get any worse than they have been I'm supposed to go back to the doctor for a new combo of meds. I've only been on eavirenz, tenofovir and emtricitabine for less than a week and the side effects have been getting progressively worse."

"Sounds like we need to take you back to the doctor."

"Not yet they might get better, anyway it's just headache and nausea right now. And sometimes pain, and always fatigue."

"Sounds pretty bad to me but if you are still feeling them by Saturday like this or worse then we're taking you to the doctor Monday," Spinner insists.

"I'll be aright just need to lie down for a bit. Distract me, tell me about your family they're always entertaining," I comment.

"Not sure if that's a compliment or an insult but okay who do you want to hear about first?"

"It's a compliment. You and Paige, are you guys going to do any sort of honeymoon? Sounds like the wedding plans are pretty in control."

"We were talking about it but probably won't do anything until after the twin's birthday in February. It will give us time to save for a few days away, we'll probably go during the week and not many people travel in February. Not even sure what Clare and Adam want to do for their birthday but I know Clare wants us there. I think we'll start talking about a possible honeymoon after the wedding."

"Good idea. How are Drew and Bianca doing?"

"Bianca's happy just living with us. She's been doing so much better at our house and she stays out of trouble, helps Drew with his homework and helps out around the house. She keeps my brother happy and that's what matters to me. Drew's been good, his grades stay at a steady C except for a few subjects so he definitely takes after me. He likes his job though and he makes pretty good money. They are just crazy about each other; it wouldn't surprise me at all if they got married right after graduation. I used to worry about Drew making it after high school you know. I mean there was always the chance he'd get through to college on athletic ability alone but even if he did and he got drafted he could get injured and even if he never was a pro career can only last so long. I'm not worried about him anymore though, whatever he does or becomes and where ever he goes I'm sure Bianca will be with him and they will take care of each other."

"Adam and Maya? How long you think before she moves in?"

"I don't know; she practically lives there already but unlike B or even Fitz she hasn't really brought much of her stuff. She has a toothbrush there but uses Clare and Bianca's shampoo and stuff. She brings a set of clothes or two and then has Jenna bring her new clothes to school. I know they care about each other and their relationship is pretty strong but there are times I worry about them. I don't think they will ever be as strong as Drew and Bianca or me and Paige or Sean and Em. Maya is great and they are good together but I worry sometimes that he's with her almost as a shield, if he's with Maya then he has a girlfriend and no one questions that he's a guy or bugs him and he doesn't have to explain himself to a new girl. I know that he cares about Maya and they are sweet together but I don't want him to stay with her because he's scared. And if she ever breaks up with him Adam will be devastated. He's pretty even-keeled and probably has the best head on his shoulders of all of us but let's not forget he's related to me, Drew and Clare and we've all been known to do some spontaneous things when we were upset."

"Yeah no kidding, and Clare? You generally worry about her the most, still worried now that she and Fitz are official? Has he moved in yet?"

"He had kind of moved in already, he has a drawer in her room and toiletries in her washroom. And yeah I'll probably always worry about Clare more than my other two sibs but Fitz is good with her, he always has been. Almost as good with her as Adam. He keeps her out of trouble or at least keeps her from going too far and I know that he loves her. I wish all that would keep me fr…"

Spin stops talking when I leap up from the sofa and run to the washroom to vomit. I do it a few times and then get up and Spin hands me some water.

"Thanks," I reply taking the glass.

"Is that from the meds as well?"

"Yeah," I nod sitting back on the sofa.

"What about this?" Spin questions pulling down the neck of my t-shirt revealing a rash on my shoulder.

"Hadn't noticed it before but yeah that's one of the side effects they tell you to be aware of," I nod.

"I'm calling your specialist, we need to get these changed or at least you need to be seen," Spinner tells me. I feel lousy so I just and lie down on the sofa. Spinner is gone a few minutes but I can hear him talking in the bedroom. "Alright they said your meds probably need to be changed and they want you to come in because of the rash and vomiting."

I groan but get up and go with Spinner to his car and he drives me to my doctor. I'm being squeezed in between appointments so it takes almost an hour before I'm seen. I also throw up a couple of times in the doctor's office and the doctor decides my meds need to be changed so she gives me a new prescription for another combo pill, she says there are four that have been approved I can try. If I keep having persistent bad side effects and we go through all four combos I'll have to start on different medications which means more than two pills a day.

We leave the doctor's office and Spin stops at the pharmacy to get my subscription. He runs in to get it and then gets back in the car handing it to me. I pull out the bottle and all the instructions and warnings.

"Now I'm taking, ritonavir-boosted atazanavir, tenofovir and emtricitabine. I hope these are better than the last ones."

"When we get home I think we should look into some of those alternative treatments your doctor was talking about," Spinner comments.

"Man I don't know how to get a massage and I've already been poked with a bunch of needles I don't want acupuncture."

"You'd probably like massage but there's also supplements and mediation and I'm sure other therapies. We should still look into them and you should try them. You'll never know if they can be helpful if you don't try them."

"Okay fine we'll look into them and I'll try almost anything once."

**(SEAN)**

"Happy Birthday Fiancé," Emma grins waking me up with a kiss.

"Thank you," I grin sitting up as she hands me a tray with breakfast, "lucky me breakfast in bed."

"I have to run to school but I'll see you at Jay's tonight for your party and we'll celebrate tonight since Spin and Paige are sleeping at Jay's and Fitz is staying at Clare's."

"Ooh sexy celebration, can't wait," I grin kissing Emma again and she smiles before she leaves.

Normally she works Tuesday nights at the pharmacy but she traded shifts to get my birthday night off. I actually do work today and have to be there pretty soon but I have enough time to eat. Jay will be off medical leave and returning to work in a week. Not sure he's totally ready to return to work but he doesn't have much choice.

I eat my breakfast in bed before getting ready and leaving for work. Everyone says happy birthday and it's a fairly slow day. I'm off at five and I go home to shower and change before going to Jay's for the party. It was actually his idea to have the party at his place, after all it will only be a few people but if he starts feeling ill then he's already home.

"Happy Birthday Buddy," Jay grins hugging me when I go in.

"Thanks, how you feeling today?"

"Not too bad, this new combo still has side effects but they haven't been as intense. I've been on this new one a little longer than the last one and still feeling pretty good, and the massage and supplements help. I thought I'd hate massage but having a hot massage therapist helps. At least I don't get sick so much now if I could just stop feeling like I'm going to die everything would be great," Jay says and I notice Clare in the kitchen watching us. She's got a look in her eye, I can't quite place it but she doesn't like what we're saying.

"You'll out live us all just watch," I reply walking past him and over to Clare.

"Happy Birthday," she smiles hugging me tight and snapping out of whatever thoughts were in her head.

"Thanks," I smile.

"Happy Birthday Bro," Fitz grins hugging me after Clare.

Emma comes over to kiss me and then Adam, Maya, Spin, Paige, Bianca, Drew, Johnny, Owen, Lucas and Mia all say Happy Birthday. That's everyone who will be here, Tris is out with his boyfriends but I'm not really close to Tris anyway. K.C. and Jenna have a birthing class tonight and dinner with Joey and Caitlin after but they already wished me a happy birthday. We talk and eat and I have a great time but at one point after cake the conversation turns to Zig and we're all sad for a few minutes. But then they give me my presents and we're all happier again.

"Everyone's welcome to hang out as long as they like but I'm going lie down. Not feeling so hot," Jay tells us after I open my presents.

"Thanks for hosting, let us know if you need anything," I tell him and hug him before he goes back to his room.

"You know it is a school night and work night and we should all be getting home. Let's clean up and let Jay rest," Emma says.

"Yeah good idea," I nod.

Everyone helps clean up and get the food away and get my presents to the car. Spin and Paige are sleeping here but most of the rest us go in to say goodnight to Jay. We all say goodnight to Spin and Paige and everyone leaves.

"Did you have good birthday?" Emma asks when we get home.

"Yes I did," I grin.

"It's not over yet I have one more present for you. Why don't you go get comfortable in the bed," Emma tells me.

I grin with carnal anticipation and go to our bedroom. I get naked and light a few candles before turning out the lights. Then I get comfortable on the bed and when Em appears in the doorway my mouth drops and I get hard just at the sight of her. My already gorgeous and sexy fiancé is wearing a salacious smile and very sexy red lace negligée.

"Yum get over here so I can unwrap my last present."

Emma giggles and saunters over to bed. She crawls onto it and I take her by the waist, setting her on my lap and taking her lips with mine. My lips part and my tongue slides out licking over her bottom lip. As our tongues tangle and fight for my dominance I open the negligee and caress her skin gently squeezing her breasts. Emma moans and begins stroking me, I'm already hard and when I'm fully erect she moves up and lowers herself onto me. We both moan into the kiss and Emma begins moving slowly along me. She climaxes first and then I lie her on her back making love to her until we both reach orgasm.

"You know now that my mom's not an issue and my brother is doing better we should think about kids," I comment.

"You think maybe we can be married first?" Emma laughs.

"Hey life is short do we really want to wait until after the summer for kids?"

"Actually I'd like to wait until after I'm out of school. We'll have a family of our own, a great one but we should wait until I'm out of school. Fitz will be out of school around the same time, he's been doing great but that doesn't mean he wants to be a live-in uncle. Besides we'll need a room for the baby."

"That shouldn't be a problem Fitz'll probably move into the Mason's in a month or two."

"Yeah maybe but there's no telling if Fitz and Clare will stay together."

**(FITZ)**

"Don't go to my house," Clare tells me after we leave Jay's apartment where we had my brother's birthday.

"I don't think we want to go to my house tonight pretty sure Sean and Emma are going to be having sex about twenty seconds after they get through the door."

"No let's go out and do something," she says.

"You know it's a school night," I remind her.

"Spin is sleeping at Jay's and so is Paige."

"Yeah but there's still two of your brothers expecting us at your house."

"They know I'm with you and they trust you with my life. Turn here let's go do something," Clare asserts grabbing the wheel and turning the car.

"Fuck don't do that we could have crashed," I scold her as I correct the car.

"We didn't crash," she just shrugs and I give her a look.

"Okay where are we going?"

"I don't know let's go do something, hiking or sky diving, something exciting."

"I don't think you can sky jump at night or that any place is open. And I don't think hiking at night is a good idea. How about a movie?"

"Boring," she shakes her head. "Stop here," she commands when we reach the park.

I stop the car and we get out, Clare grabs my hand and we go running through the snow. Then all of a sudden she stops and tackles me, I fall back into the snow and she tackles my lips with hers. She nips at my lower lip and my mouth opens, her tongue glides in and she starts to undo my belt. Her leg moves up gently nudging the bulge in my pants and I moan before breaking the kiss.

"Clare we're in public and it's freezing out here," I comment.

"No one is out here because it's freezing and this will warm us up," she replies with a lascivious and mischievous grin.

Before I can reply her lips mash to mine again, this is probably a bad idea but she is right no one is out here. Clare gets my belt off and opens my jeans, with some help from me she gets my jeans and boxers down enough that my erection springs free. Clare deepens the kiss and takes my stiff length in her hand and begins slowly stroking up and down and twisting her hand. I moan and tremble, all other thoughts leave my brain and I begin opening Clare's jeans. She breaks the kiss and goes up on her knees, she bites her lip and tugs her jeans down and I see she wasn't wearing any panties. She gets her jeans down to her ankles and then mounts onto me. She lowers herself slowly and then begins riding me rapidly, I start bucking my hips too and we're soon moving so fast the snow is melting under me. We reach climax within seconds of each other and I moan with a guttural groan but Clare screams out so loud I'm sure the houses near the park heard her. We slow down and Clare collapses on me.

"I think we should get out of here before people come looking for the source of that scream," I comment pulling her up and off me. I fix my clothes and she stands up pulling up her jeans. I take her hand and we start walking to my car.

"Let's go somewhere else," Clare says.

"Don't you think we'd better go home before Drew wants my head on a pike for not getting you home?"

"Drew likes you, he knows I'm with you and my brothers trust you. I'm sure they aren't worried."

"I'm sure all they do is worry about you and we have school tomorrow."

"We'll be back in time for school. We could go to the ravine there's always something going on there," Clare replies.

"Yeah people drinking and if you want to drink there's alcohol at your house," I remind her.

"You want a party Hot Stuff I'll take you to a party," a guy offers stepping out of the shadows and I put my arm around Clare. It's dark and there are three guys, I've seen them around but they go to Bardell and I don't know their names.

"I don't want to go to one of your loser parties and we just made our own fun," Clare responds with a bitingly sardonic tone.

"Yeah we heard your scream, if you like having sex in the snow we can warm you up," he grins.

"Don't talk to my girlfriend that way," I growl at them puffing my chest out and step forward.

"I think she's too hot for your sorry ass and a we could make her scream louder and a dozen more times," one of them says.

"You want to say that again?" I growl letting go of Clare to step forward.

"Don't Fitz they aren't worth it. Let's go and find some real fun," Clare says grabbing my hand and pulling me back to her. We start to turn and I almost have my arm around her again when one of the guys grabs her hand and yanks her from me pulling her to him.

"I think we should pummel this loser and you should party with us," he grins and starts unzipping her jacket.

"And I think," Clare smiles, "you three are disgusting."

Then she brings up her knee and gets him in the groin, not once but twice after which crumples to the ground like a toppled building. Then she takes my hand and we run to my car jumping in and I start driving before that guy's friends find us.

"That was fun let's go find some more fun."

"That was fun? They wanted to rape you and beat the crap out of me."

"And I kneed his balls into paste. Come on let's go to the ravine, no let's go to Bardell and have sex on their bleachers."

"I think it's time to go home."

"I don't want to go home I want to go do something," she asserts and I stop the car pulling over.

"Okay what's going on?" I inquire.

"Nothing I just want to go out."

"No you don't just want to go out it's like you…" I'm saying when Clare unbuckles and jumps out of the car. "Clare where are you going?" I call after her trying to get out of the car but I'm still buckled. By the time I get out of the car and I've turned it off she's halfway down the street. I think she's going to disappear around a corner and I won't catch her. She does in fact turn a corner into an alleyway. I watch her vanish in the dark and I'm thinking I'm going to have to go to her house and tell her brothers that I lost her. Until I hear her screech and the sound of metal crashing. I turn the corner and find her lying in the snow. "Clare are you okay?"

"I'm fine I just slipped in the snow," she replies sitting up and but when I see her put her hand to her head I get out my phone. I use the light from the phone to look at her. She has a bump on her head and a cut on her hand. I shine the light around and it looks like she crashed into a garbage can and a couple of crates. "Okay time to go home," I comment putting my phone back and picking her up.

"I don't want to go home," she replies.

"I know but you're on the injured list now and we're going home. If you fight me again I'll just have to call Owen, Johnny and Lucas and have them help me."

She huffs a little but puts her head on my shoulder and I carry her to the car setting her down on the hood. I unlock the door and get her in the car. I guess her head is starting to hurt because she leans back against the seat and doesn't try to run. I get in the driver's seat, grab Sean's old bandana from the glove box wrapping it around her hand and then drive us to her house. She gets out of the car and we go inside, I tell her to go to her room. I grab some ice and a first aid kit before going to her room. She's lying on her bed and I put the ice on her forehead and clean her hand putting a bandage on it.

"Let me see the bump, do you feel nauseous or dizzy?"

"No," she replies.

"Okay stay here with ice on your forehead I'll be right back," I tell her and leave her room. It's late, well actually very early in the morning but I want to talk to her brothers right now so I knock on Drew's door. "Drew I need to talk to you," I call through the door. His door is farthest from Clare's or I would have gone to Adam's door.

"What's going on? Where's Clare and where the hell have you two been?" Drew asks still pulling on pajama bottoms when he opens the door.

"She's in her room. I need to talk to you and Adam but I don't want Clare to hear us," I tell him.

"Adam come here," Drew calls knocking on his brother's door. A few seconds later Adam comes out of his room.

"What's wrong with Clare?" Adam yawns. I grab them both by the sleeves and drag them into the kitchen so we can talk.

"She was happy at the party until Sean came and was talking to Jay about how Jay was feeling. After that she was okay until we started talking about Zig."

"Yeah she had that pasted smile on her face the rest of the party and then lost it when Jay went to lie down. She was sad after that and thinking about the people she's lost and is afraid of losing. I figured you had taken her out to cheer her up," Adam tells us.

"Not exactly, I was driving us back here but Clare insisted on not going home. She wanted to do something, not just something she wanted a thrill, adrenaline rush. We made one of our own," I grin thinking of us in the snow before wiping it from my face, "and we found one, nearly escaping a few guys from Bardell. We got in my car and she wanted to go to the ravine so I pulled over to ask her what was going on and she jumped out of my car. She took off running, she went around a corner and I guess slipped in the snow. She's okay, a bump on the head and a small cut on her hand. It's not her injuries that worry me it's her behavior tonight. More than an adrenaline junkie it's like she wanted to remember she was alive."

"Yeah or kill herself before the rest of us die," Adam sighs.

"She already feels like she shouldn't be here and now she's trying to be the first one to die so she doesn't have to feel loss again," Drew sighs leaning against the wall, "didn't we have a plan at some point to keep her locked in her room until she was 40?"

**There may or may not be a chapter next Saturday, I may not have the time due to family obligations. I'll let you know by Friday night if there will be a chapter so keep an eye on the DeGrassi Saviors website. The update will include Spin and Paige's wedding and possibly Christmas.**


	35. Wedding Bliss

**Well it's very short tonight but there wasn't going to be a chapter at all. I hope you enjoy this short fluffy chapter anyway. It's all in Paige's pov.**

**Ch. 35 Wedding Bliss**

**(PAIGE)**

"You look incredible, Spinner is going to die when he sees you," Clare smiles helping to pin the roses in my hair.

"My heart won't stop racing I'm so excited," I grin turning to look at my Maids of Honor. Emma is dressed in a yellow halter dress with a low neckline and a low waist. It's longer in the back than the front. Clare also has a halter dress, red in color and with an empire waist. The thick strap of the halter crisscrosses between her breasts and goes underneath them. The dress glides over her hips and stops at her knees. My dress is also halter style, empire waist that goes to my ankles with a sweetheart neckline. The empire waist of my dress is embroidered with flowers, it's very 1920's and I love it. We all have the same style shoes, T-straps that are in the same color as our dresses, have low heels and are slightly 1920's style. "I'm so glad you could both share this day and stand with me, I love you both," I grin hugging them both.

"Are you kidding I expected my brother to marry you years ago. You've been like my sister for almost as long as I can remember," Clare grins.

I hug them again and we leave the room and Spinner smiles, his eyes lighting up when he sees me. He holds out his arm and I link my arm with his. He looks extremely handsome in his tux and I kiss his cheek.

"You look incredibly gorgeous," Spinner whispers to me as the music begins playing.

Adam and Clare link arms and walk down the center of the living room which is the aisle. Jay stands under the opening to the kitchen and our family and friends are sitting on either side of the little aisle. Drew and Emma link arms and follow them down and then Spin and I. When each couple reaches Jay they part and stand on either side of him. Spinner and I stand in the middle holding each other's hands. Jay looks at his notes, we wrote his speech, with a lot of help from Clare and Adam. Clare also helped me with my vows a little and Adam helped Spinner with his.

"Friends and family we gather today to witness the love Spinner and Paige share be tied with the bonds of marriage. Marriage is often called an intuition but it is in fact a declaration of love in front of those you love most. When you find that one person that you want to dedicate yourself to and spend the rest of your life with it is truly a miracle. Victor Hugo said, "Life is the flower for which love is the honey." And Oscar Wilde said, "To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong relationship." Both are very true and to share the love you have for yourself with another in the joining of marriage is truly a gift. Paige and Spinner have chosen to write their own vows. Spinner please lock eyes with the woman you love and recite your vows."

"Paige I have long been in love with you. I've had other relationships but there was always only you for me. You bring me strength, happiness and confidence. You make me a better person and a better brother. My life would not be the same without you and I don't want to picture my life without you. I can't promise life will be easy but I promise that we'll always face challenges as a family. I can't promise wealth or that I will be able to give you everything your heart desires but I promise to always give you everything you need and to treat you as the treasure that you are. I can't promise that we will always be healthy but I promise to take care of you and any time you're feeling even slightly ill. Paige I love you now and I will love you forever," Spinner finishes his vows and I have happy tears in my eyes. I take a deep breath and Jay asks me to recite my vows while looking into Spinner's eyes.

"Gavin you are the love of my life. The way I feel about love and about you can be best summed up in a poem by Judy Garland. _For 'twas not into my ear you whispered but into my heart. 'Twas not my lips you kissed, but my soul. _Together we a force, a unity and that is what love is. You are my guiding light, you give me strength, you make me feel beautiful and safe and you make me feel like I can do anything. I love the strength that comes from within you. I love the stubborn determination you have and the resolve you hold to stand up for those you love. I have loved watching you grow and mature and I love watching you be role model, brother, father and friend to Drew, Adam and Clare. You are a strong, wonderful, caring and loving man and my love for you grows more each day."

"Spinner and Paige do you take each other as partners and lovers for life?"

"We do," Spinner and I answer together.

"Do you promise to care for each other and to always remember how strong your love is in the hardest of times?"

"We do."

"Please exchange the rings and then share your first kiss as Husband and Wife."

Spinner slides the ring onto my finger and then I slide the ring onto his finger. My arms loop around his neck and our lips crush together. Everyone claps for us and cheers and we break apart with large smiles.

"Thank you all for coming and sharing this event with us especially on such short notice. The food will be here in a moment and if you'll bear with us a moment we'll get the tables set up and a dance floor," Spinner tells everyone.

While Spin, Drew, Sean, Dylan, Marco and Owen bring in the rented tables from the garage the rest of us move the chairs. All the ones people were sitting in get moved around the edges of the room leaving space near the door and around the kitchen. Chairs for the wedding party and Jay are in the kitchen and we bring those out. The caterers arrive with the food, actually just chefs from The Dot but they made us some great food. With everyone's help it doesn't take long to get things set up and they set out the food. We thought buffet style would be the easiest and they set it up in the kitchen. We eat and enjoy the time with our family and friends.

After eating Drew, Maya and Adam play our song and Spinner and I have our first dance as husband and wife. There's about six square feet of dance space and can hold maybe three couples but we'll make it work. After dancing with Spinner I dance with my dad and he dances with my mom. The dance floor is very small and tight but we make it work. I dance with my brother and both of Spinner's. Spinner dances with Clare, Bianca and Maya as well. And after dancing we have cake, our cake is simple a sheet cake with edible flowers on it. Spinner and I cut the cake and feed each other then we sit down to eat and Sean cuts the cake for everyone else.

"You look beautiful I'm very proud of you Honey Spinner is a great guy," Mom says hugging me before they leave for the hotel at the end of the night.

"Yeah he turned out to be a good guy despite the trouble when he was younger," Dylan comments kissing my forehead.

Marco kisses my cheek and I hug Dad. Dylan and Marco flew in last night and my parents drove in this morning. They came for the wedding but will be staying to have Christmas with us. It's pretty late and some of us have work tomorrow, after all we only began planning this wedding a month ago but the wedding was perfect and I am really happy. Within the hour anyone that doesn't live here or isn't staying the night has also gone home. Spinner and I say goodnight to everyone and go back to my room.

"So how do you feel Mrs. Mason?"

"Incredibly, wonderfully happy," I grin before seizing my husband's lips.

**Sorry it was so short but there wasn't going to be a chapter tonight because I knew I'd be busy with family. When I couldn't do other chapters this week because of work I wanted to do at least a short one tonight. The update next week will probably begin with Christmas.**


	36. Christmas Worries and Vows

**I'm back! Things will still be a little on the crazy side until Tuesday and then things will calm down. So expect chapters to be on the shorter side until Wednesday and then should be at least a little longer than they have been.**

**If you've been to the DeGrassi Saviors site and seen the calendar you know that next week is a normal schedule. Then the 4****th****-11****th**** is One Shot Week which is actually eight days. After that the rest of July is Short Story Month. I will be putting up August and September Calendars sometime after One Shot Week.**

**Also readers of dragonsprit's stories he will be updating **_**Stairway to Paradise**_** this weekend. See his page on the DeGrassi Saviors website for updates and news for his stories as well.**

**Ch. 36 Christmas Worries and Vows**

**(DREW)**

"**AAAGGGHHHH**"

The hair-raising scream brings the entire house to Clare's room, the source of the scream. We all jumped out of bed, no one is dressed and Spinner throws open Clare's door. Fitz is in there with her of course, today was Christmas Eve but he still spent the whole day at our house.

"What is it? What's going on?" Spinner asks as we all run in.

Fitz has his arms around her and my sister is sitting up in the bed. She's trembling, crying and breathing hard but no attacker is in her room and she doesn't appear to be in pain.

"I'm okay," she replies timidly but her voice shakes and she won't look at any of us. "It was just a bad dream I'm sorry to wake everyone," Clare apologizes.

"You didn't sound okay," Jay yawns. He always sleeps over on Christmas Eve but we've never been awoken by Clare screaming bloody murder.

"Really I'm okay it was just a bad dream, I'm really sorry to wake everyone. You can all go back to bed I'm okay," she says again.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Adam asks but Clare shakes her head and we all go back to bed.

Bianca yawns and curls up to me. I would lie awake worried about my sister but I know she's with Fitz and he'll take good care of her. She probably wouldn't talk to me anyway. When I wake up a few hours later and it's Christmas morning I smile because my beautiful girlfriend is still in my arms. I kiss her temple before getting out of bed. I intend to use the washroom but I find the door closed and hear the shower on. I didn't think anyone else was awake so early but then Fitz comes out of Clare's room.

"Did she get back to sleep?" I inquire.

"No and she wouldn't talk about the nightmare but I'm pretty sure I know what it about, losing the people she loves. I think maybe she should be on Jay watch tomorrow. She's heard it all but she still thinks he's going to die soon. She needs to see that he's doing okay and he's trying and I think it would be good for him too."

"That's a good idea, maybe the best one I've heard in a while. We'll talk to him alone later. Is she in the shower?"

"Yeah she couldn't sleep so she got in the shower. I was going to start breakfast," Fitz tells me before walking out to the kitchen.

I knock on the door to Spinner and Paige's room, I don't hear anything so I open the door slowly and they're still asleep. So I tiptoe to their washroom to use that. Spinner wakes up when I leave the washroom.

"You know if anyone else moves in permanently we'll need to build another washroom," Spinner yawns.

"Yeah probably. Fitz and me will start breakfast."

"Good wake us when it's done," Spinner yawns rolling over and putting his arm around Paige.

I leave the bedroom and go into my room to put some pajamas on before joining Fitz in the kitchen. We make pancakes and Jay wakes up to the smell. Clare is the last one out to the living room but she is fully dressed. We all eat breakfast and wait for Johnny, Emma and Sean to do presents. Jenna, K.C. and Maya do presents with Mrs. Guthrie in the morning and then they'll come over later. Owen and Tris will be with their family all day but they were here last night for Christmas Eve. Usually Lucas is with us but he actually went to Mia's mom's house for Christmas.

When everyone is here we begin handing presents. There are too many of us to get everyone something from everyone else. None of us have that kind of extra money anyway. So everyone always puts in a couple of bucks to get people a gift from the group. You put in five bucks, it goes into a Christmas jar at our house, one for each person and you can put the cash in at any time of year as long as you get it in for each person by December first. Then sometime in the first couple of weeks of December the girls take the cash and do the shopping, they split it up of course. Of course sometimes Spinner and Paige will pick up some small stuff for Adam, Clare and I. Usually the couples will get stuff for each other too.

"Mark it's beautiful," Clare grins when she pulls the bracelet from the box. It's a present from just Fitz. "How did you afford this? Wait you didn't…"

"I didn't steal it," he assures her.

"It's perfect thank you," she grins and gives him a tender kiss. It's actually the happiest I've seen her all day.

Everyone is happy with what they got for Christmas and after cleaning up the wrapping paper we watch some Christmas movies. Emma and Paige start on dinner; the Guthrie's arrive with Jenna. When I see Jay go to the washroom I go back and wait for him to get out. Fitz already spoke with Sean, who was supposed to be on Jay watch tomorrow, and he agreed Clare should do it. Instead the Fitzgerald brothers will spend the day together tomorrow.

"Can I talk to you for a sec?" I request of Jay when he's out of the washroom.

"What's up?" Jay questions following me into Adam's room.

"Clare's on Jay watch tomorrow."

"I thought Sean was on Jay watch?"

"He was but she needs this and so do you I think. Sean's going to spend the day with Fitz tomorrow."

"So I take it you haven't told her of this plan yet?"

"No."

"Does she still think I'm going to die?"

"I think she's worried about losing any of us but since knows you have HIV it's probably most forefront in her mind. She's heard everything but she needs to see it for herself. Take her to the meeting tomorrow, talk to her, maybe it will get through and she won't do something irrational that's harmful to her. She's so afraid of losing one of us I'm afraid she's determined to be the first one of us to die."

"Yeah I heard and after that scream of hers last night something is definitely wrong. So who's going to tell her that she's spending the day with me tomorrow?"

"Fitz and I will tell her later."

"Dinner's almost ready we need to get the table set," Paige calls so Jay and I go back to the living room.

We get the table extended and set and we all sit down to eat. After dinner while people are cleaning up and getting out dessert Fitz takes Clare back to her room and I follow.

"What's going on?" Clare asks slowly looking between Fitz and I.

"You're on Jay watch tomorrow," I tell her.

"I thought Sean was on Jay watch tomorrow," she responds looking at her hands.

"Sean and I are working on my car tomorrow," Fitz informs her.

She bites her lip and her eyes dart to the side, she doesn't say anything I think she knows that she needs this.

"Come on let's go have dessert," Fitz says putting his arm around her.

We go out to the kitchen and sit down to have dessert. I sit down and kiss Bianca before taking some pie for dessert. After dessert and watching another movie Mrs. Guthrie, K.C. and Jenna go home. Jay, Sean and Emma go back to Sean and Emma's place. Johnny is staying the night again and so is Fitz and Maya is sleeping over tonight. Everyone that is sleeping here watches another movie before we go to bed. Paige has the day off tomorrow but Spin and I both have to work. When Bianca and I are in our room and ready for bed I take her in my arms and ensnare her lips for an amorous and ardent kiss.

"I know we didn't have much money for exchanging gifts this year and it's been kind of a hectic year. You know that I love you more than anything or anyone is this universe. You are the most beautiful, wonderful, incredible girl and you make me happy and confident and feel like I can do anything. If I could I would give you the world but I can't. So my gift to you this year is a vow; a vow that I will love you more and more each day. A vow that as soon as Clare and Adam are out of the house and off at great universities I will get down on my knees, confessing my love for you again and asking you to marry me. Because Bianca you are the one girl I want to spend the rest of my life with."

Bianca grins and kisses me again with fierce passion, "I love you Drew Torres."

**(JAY)**

My doorbell rings and I open it allowing Clare in and waving to Fitz who dropped her off. She comes in, gives me a quick and small smile then looks back at her hands. I lock the door while Clare walks to the kitchen leaning on the counter.

"Should I make you breakfast or something?" She asks still looking at her hands.

"I'm not helpless and I was already making breakfast, you hungry?" I question and she nods. "Come on you can make the eggs," I tell her going back into the kitchen.

Clare comes with me and starts making the eggs. While I finish cooking she sets the table for us. She sits down looking at her plate and begins eating slowly.

"So how are you feeling?" She asks.

"I could ask you the same," I reply and now she looks up at me. It's the first time since she heard about my diagnosis that I believe she's looked me in the eye since hearing about my diagnosis. "I heard that you've been doing your best to be reckless lately. Trying to kill yourself before the rest of us can die?"

"No," she says slowly and then bites her lip and tears start to fall from her eyes. She sets down her fork and begins sobbing hard. I set down my fork and go over kneeling next to her. She turns to me putting her arms around my neck and holds tightly sobbing on my shoulder. I hug her tightly and rub her back letting her cry until she's ready to talk. "You can't die I can't lose you too, I can't lose anyone else."

"Clare look at me," I command her gently and after a few seconds she slows her sobbing and wipes her tears away to look at me. "I'm not going to die, not today or tomorrow, at least not from this. I can't promise I won't get hit by a bus or something, no one can but we don't live our lives in fear of doing anything because it might kill us. I'm scared too but I'm doing all I can to take control, I'm taking better care of myself, I'm eating better and I'm trying to stay positive but it's hard to do when you won't even look at me because you're afraid I'm going to die."

"I'm sorry but Zig was killed for no reason and then you're not just diagnosed with HIV but you tried to kill yourself and I can't look at you because I'm afraid you're going to die. It's almost all I can think about now."

"But you need to stop. It was all I could think about at first too but I learned in group that there is hope and if all I can think about is dying then the disease has already won. I can live a long life, I can do most everything I did before but not if I give up and give in. I didn't want to go to group at first but it actually helps to hear that people have been living with this. Believe it or not it actually helps to hear about the bad too, most of it is stuff I've felt or gone through or worried about too. There's a group in a few hours will you come with me?"

"Yeah I guess so," she nods slowly.

"Good now you should finish eating," I tell her kissing her forehead as I stand back up.

We finish breakfast and clean up, she's still reluctant to talk so we watch TV after breakfast and then we leave for group. I drive since I know where it is and Clare hesitates to get out of the car when I park but she eventually does. She walks very close to me as we enter the building and looks rather nervous to be here.

"Everyone this is Clare another of my friends," I introduce her when we come in.

"Welcome Clare I'm Dennis, I run the group," Dennis says.

"Hi," she replies nervously.

"Come one there's coffee and donuts over here if you're hungry," I tell her taking her to the back.

We each get some coffee and a donut before sitting down Dennis begins the group and everyone introduces themselves for Clare's benefit. The group's already met Sean, Spin, Emma and Paige.

"Who would like to start tonight?" Dennis comments.

"I will," I speak up. "I've been coping with this for over a month a now and been back to work for a little over a week. I admit there's been a lot of low points, mostly low points. The first batch of medications made me feel incredibly ill. Even these ones make me dizzy and nauseous a lot of the time. But in all of that two things have kept me going. The support of my friends who are my family, and this group. It sucks right now and I don't know how long it will take but hearing from most of you I know things can get better. Holding onto that thought, holding onto the thought that one day I might find love, have a family, that I can still do everything I've always wanted to do it keep me going even when I feel terrible. I know my friends worry about me," I comment looking at Clare, "but I'm doing okay. Every day I get a little piece of my old life back and every day I get a little stronger and a little more hope."

Other people start talking now, some sharing that they're in the same place I am and other people that have been living with it longer share how well they're doing now. By the time we leave I can see that Clare's a little lighter, the group seems to have eased her worries and fears at least a little.

"So still worried that this disease will get the better of me?" I question as we walk back to my car.

"Well I can't promise that I'm not going to worry about you still but I do feel a little bit better. Hearing that some people have been living with it for so long and have happy lives was good. Mostly seeing that they looked strong and healthy. I was honestly kind of expecting a room full of sickly looking people," she admits. We're in my car now but I haven't started it up yet and I turn as much as I can to face her.

"So was I when I first came. Look I know you don't want to lose anyone else or live through anyone else you love dying, but you have to realize we feel the same about you. When you're reckless, when you do things you know can hurt you it hurts us and it scares us. You know how loved you are and how much we care about you. We can't lose you either. So just promise me that you'll think about everyone that loves you the next time you think about doing something that could hurt you."

She rolls her lip between her teeth for a second before she releases a sigh, "I promise."

"Good," I smile as I start the car, "now let's go get some lunch."

**The update next Saturday will begin with school resuming and the arrival of the Ice Hounds.**


	37. If I Suddenly seem to be Seeing a Dream

**Welcome the Ice Hounds! Only not the same as the show because I changed the families so much I thought it would be more fun to make up the team of other DeGrassi characters. So only two members of the Ice Hounds remain the same as the show. Below is a list of the Ice Hounds players for this story with ages and grades. Home towns and positions are in the chapter because I changed those two.**

**Ice Hounds~**

***Owen (duh) ~ grade 11 ~ age 17**

***Dave ~ grade 10 ~ age 16**

***Dallas ~ grade 12 ~ age 18**

***Jeff ~ grade 11 ~ age 17**

***Kelly ~ grade 11 ~ age 17**

***Jimmy ~ grade 11 ~ age 17**

***Craig ~ grade 11 ~ age 17**

***J.T. ~ grade 10 ~ age 16**

***Bruce ~ grade 12 ~ age 18**

***Peter ~ grade 11 ~ age 17**

***Danny grade 9 ~ age 15**

***Toby ~ grade 10 ~ age 15**

**Ch. 37 If I Suddenly seem to be Seeing a Dream**

**(CLARE)**

"Mark we have to get to school," I tell him for the sixth time poking his side.

"I don't like school and I'm sure I have terrible classes that I will fail this semester like every semester," he groans rolling over.

"Mark get up you have to go to school. You know that we'll help you with classes and homework," I assert pulling at his arm but he remains in my bed. "If you don't get up I'm going to flirt with every guy at the school."

"No you won't and even if you do your brothers, Owen, Bianca and everyone else would stop them from flirting back."

"Mark up or no sex for a month you won't even be allowed to sleep over in my bed."

"Ugh fine I'm up, I'm up. I still think I should just drop out and work at the garage with Sean and Jay," he sighs sitting up.

"Mark! You have to go to school, you are not dumb I will help you and Sean won't let you drop out. Now get dressed because you can't come to school naked. I'm going to finish getting ready in the washroom, you'd better be dressed when I get back," I command before leaving my room. I go to the washroom but the door is closed and locked. "I need my hairbrush and stuff," I call knocking on the washroom door and a second later Adam opens the door.

I finish getting ready in the washroom with Adam and Fitz comes out of my room fully dressed. He finishes getting ready and we ride to school, I want to get to school and I'm not hungry for breakfast so Fitz and I leave in his car. He parks and we get our backpacks, he puts his arm around my waist and we walk to the entrance. As we approach I see a bunch of black and dark red jackets gathered near the steps. I recognize Owen from the back of his head and so does Fitz.

"Must be the Ice Hounds," Fitz says.

"Yeah let's go say hi to Owen," I comment. I slip out of Fitz's arm, hand him my backpack and run over jumping on Owen's back, and kissing his cheek. "Morning Handsome," I grin.

"You are far too perky for the first day of school," Owen laughs.

"So Milligan who's the cute chick?" One of the other players asks.

"Did he just call me a chick?"

"Easy," Owen says setting me down.

"Boys the one and only Clare Mason," a familiar voice says.

"Jeff!" I exclaim when I turn around and actually see him in an Ice Hounds jacket I freeze.

"Hi Pretty Eyes," he smiles.

"Why didn't you tell me you were an Ice Hound? Why didn't you tell me you were moving to Toronto and going to my school?" I question with some anger and a lot of shock in my tone. Then I turn around smack Owen's arm hard, "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I asked him not to tell you," Jeff informs me. I turn back around to face Jeff and now I also see Dallas.

"Jeff," Fitz greets him while putting his arm around my shoulders.

"Fitz," Jeff greets back nodding to him just slightly.

The exchange is not exactly friendly while not being exactly hostile either. It's sort of guarded and civil but the exchange makes it obvious to everyone else that there's history with us.

"What's going on?" One of the players asks.

"Jeff and Blue Eyes hooked up and now she's dating Freckles there," Dallas explains.

"Welcome to DeGrassi, congrats on making the team," Fitz says to Jeff.

"Thanks," Jeff smiles and then there's a few seconds of silence.

"We'll see you around," Fitz comments before he turns us and we continue to the school. We walk up the steps and into the school, stopping at my locker. "I'm sure he had his reasons for not telling you," Fitz remarks as he opens my locker.

"What reason could he possibly have for not telling me he made the team and he's coming to DeGrassi? We talk a few times a week at least, why would he keep it from me? Why would Owen?"

"Jeff told Owen not too. Besides you've had a lot on your mind and a lot going on, Jeff knows that maybe that's why," Fitz suggests putting my backpack in the locker. "Let's go eat," he says holding his hand out to me but I lean against the locker.

"I'm not hungry," I shake my head.

"Okay," Fitz sighs closing my locker, "see you later?"

I nod and he kisses me softly before walking off to the caf. I stay leaning against my locker a few seconds longer and then I begin walking back outside but the Ice Hounds are coming in. Jeff sees me coming and so does Owen, when the two of them stop so does the rest of the team. As I approach them Adam, Maya, Drew and Bianca walk in the front doors and see me standing in front of the team.

"Hey Owen," Drew nods to our friend as they come over to me. "This must be the rest of the team. Hi Jeff," Drew exhales tensing slightly and putting a hand on my shoulder.

"Hey Drew, hi Adam, Bianca, Maya," Jeff nods back.

"Like Jeff said this is Clare Mason and two of her brothers Adam and Drew. That's Maya Adam's girlfriend and Bianca Drew's girlfriend. Their brother Spinner works at The Dot, and all of them are some of my best friends. Guys meet the Ice Hounds, of course you guys know Dave and you all know Jeff and this is Dallas who also comes from Guelph. This is Bruce, Craig, Jimmy, Peter, Danny, Kelly, J.T. and Toby," Owen says.

"Welcome to DeGrassi," Maya smiles.

"Let me make this perfectly clear, you mess with any of them and you will die," Owen tells the team.

"Congrats Dave glad you made the team with Owen, good to see you again Dallas and nice to meet the rest of you. Can I speak to you?" I insist more than request to Jeff and grab his sleeve pulling him with me before he can say anything. I take him upstairs to the second floor, it's not used much anymore there's a couple washrooms, the teacher's lounge and the DeGrassi Daily office. A storage room is up here and access to the roof.

"I didn't tell you because I found out right after you started dating Fitz," Jeff says.

"That's not a reason that's an excuse! We talk all the time and you didn't tell me you were coming here and moving to my school. Worse you convinced one of my best friends not to tell me. You lied Jeff. Is this why I didn't hear from you at Christmas?"

"We only came up for Christmas day," he says slowly.

I growl with slight frustration before storming down the stairs again. I walk past the other Ice Hounds toward my locker again.

"Attention students," Principal Simpson's voice comes over the intercom, "all students please come to the auditorium for an assembly. Homeroom classes will begin after the assembly."

"Come on Clare let's go to the assembly," Maya comments taking my hand and pulling me to the auditorium.

"Will you look at all new junior hockey hunks," Alli grins as she joins us.

"What's the assembly for?" Drew asks coming over with Bianca.

"Probably to introduce all the Ice Hounds," Adam comments joining us with K.C. and Jenna.

When we get to the auditorium I find Fitz and take his hand sitting down with him. The assembly is definitely about the Ice Hounds because they are all going up on the stage with the coaches. I look at Jeff and then at Fitz and sink down in my chair gnawing on my bottom lip. This will be a very interesting semester!

**(OWEN)**

Clare drags Jeff up the stairs and I feel bad for not telling her he made the team but he begged me not to. With all that she's been through and all that's happened in the last few months I told myself it was better not to tell her so she didn't have it on her mind.

"Oh boy," Adam sighs and then looks at Maya, "let's go to our lockers."

They walk off with Drew and Bianca and then a moment later Clare comes down the stairs. She glares at me slightly and walks past us, a few seconds later Jeff walks slowly down the stairs and rejoins us.

"She hates me," Jeff huffs.

"She doesn't hate you she's just shell shocked, what did you think would happen when you showed up at her school without telling her?"

"Honestly I don't know," Jeff replies.

"Ice Hounds they're calling an assembly to introduce you to the school," Coach comments and we follow him to the auditorium just as the assembly is announced.

We gather backstage and Coach tells us what will happen at the assembly. He wants me to introduce the players after Dave I get announced. Then we go out on stage and wait for the auditorium to fill up with the student body.

"Welcome students," Principal Simpson says into the mic starting the assembly, "as some of you know DeGrassi acquired a Junior Pro Hockey Team. Try outs for the team were held last semester and we recruited from all over Canada. Let me introduce you to the coaches Head Coach Johnathon Cade, Defensive Coach Adam Johnson and Offensive Coach Raymond Deeks. Everyone who's been a student at DeGrassi knows Dave Turner and Owen Milligan both Toronto natives and DeGrassi students, not just the only DeGrassi students to make the team but the only ones from all of the greater Toronto area. I'm now going to hand things over to the Ice Hounds team captain Owen Milligan to introduce the rest of the team."

"Thank you Principal Simpson," I say taking the mic. "You all know me Owen Milligan, number twenty-two team captain and first string Right Defenseman. And you all know Dave Turner, number fifty-three and our second string Right Wing. Mike Dallas comes from Guelph, player number nine and first string Center. Also coming to us from Guelph Jeff MacPherson, number forty-one and our first string Left Wing. Coming to us from Moose Jaw, Bruce the Moose is number is number sixteen and our first string Goalie. Our first string Right Wing, number twenty-five J.T. Yorke from Calgary. Number ninety-two, our first string Left Defenseman, Peter Stone from Regina. Our second string Goalie comes to us from Banff, Toby Isaacs number eleven. Second string Center Danny Van Zandt comes from Saskatoon, he's number five. Number thirty-six from Montreal Craig Manning is our second string right defenseman. From Saguenay our second string Left Wing number sixty-eight Kelly Ashoona. And last but not least our second string Left Wing from Quebec City Jimmy Brooks number seventy-three."

"Thank you Owen and thank you to all the billet families who are hosting one of the players. I want everyone else to help the new team and all our new students this semester feel welcome. I also want to see everyone at the first game next Friday. Now everyone please make your way to your homeroom classes, you'll have five minutes to get to your classes," Simpson announces which effectively ends the assembly.

"Okay grade elevens come with me," I order since we all have native studies this period.

I lead them down the hall to class and we get to the entrance just as Fitz, Drew and Bianca do. Fitz and Drew sit in the very back so do Kelly and Craig. Bianca sits in front of Drew and I sit in front of Fitz, Jeff sits in front of me, Jimmy next to him and Peter next to him. When Eli and Fiona come in Eli sits next to me and Fiona next to him.

"Hey Owen I was thinking we'd have a party at my place tonight to welcome the new team," Fiona tells me.

"Yeah that sounds great," I smile.

"Sweet party," Peter grins just as the teacher comes in.

"Not in class Mr. Stone," the teacher censures and the class laughs.

"Drew you've got tech next right?" I ask when homeroom is over.

"Yeah," he nods.

"Is that technological design and the environment?" Fiona asks and I nod. "I have that too," she says.

"Cool come with us then Jeff, Craig and Kelly have it too," I comment.

I show them to the classroom and introduce them to Imogen when as we sit down. When second period is over we go to lunch, the team is eating together in the caf.

"So I hear we're getting a party tonight," Dallas smiles sitting down at the table.

"Yeah at Fiona Coyne's place, it's a sweet place," I reply.

"Word is already all over the school, I hope Fiona gets some bouncers to keep people out," Dave remarks.

"Bruce can be the bouncer," Dallas says.

"No I want to party," Bruce whines.

"We'll keep the party from getting too full no one needs to stand at the door," I reply.

"Seen a lot of hot girls at this school, I think I'm going to like it here," Dallas smiles watching Alli and the cheerleaders at their table.

"Mike," a girl calls coming over. She's petite but looks a little taller than Clare and Jenna, skin the color of coffee with cream and beautiful dark almond eyes with long hair. "Here's a key in case you need it," she says handing him a house key.

"Well aren't you going to introduce us Dallas?" Jimmy asks.

"Guys this is Vanessa Taylor my ex, she moved here with our son," Dallas says. We knew he was a dad he told us at the first practice.

"Hi, nice to meet you," I grin at Vanessa and she smiles back before walking off. I hope she's at the party tonight.

After lunch I help some guys find their classes and third period is a class I do like, plus Bianca's in the class. Fourth period I have a spare and so does Drew but since we're going to the party tonight we spend the time doing homework. After school the Ice Hounds have practice and the bus takes us to the arena.

"So you and Vanessa are over?" I ask Dallas as we're changing for practice.

"Yeah since before Rock was born but we stayed friends for his sake. This was too good of an opportunity for me to pass up and Vanessa supports me. Her grandparents live here so she moved in with them so I could still be near Rock and see him every day."

"Cool so is she seeing anyone else?" I question and Dallas gives me a look.

"No," he says slowly.

Before either of us can say anything Coach calls us to the ice. We all go out to the ice and the coaches put us through a tough practice and we're tired when it's over. We all get our energy back when we remember Fiona's party. We change and the bus takes us back to school, I have a car and so does Dave so we split everyone up and squeeze them into our cars before driving to Fiona's. The party is just starting when we get there. Eli and Imogen are already here, so are Riley, Zane and my brother.

"Oh good you guys are here, I told everyone else five so they should be here any time," Fiona tells us.

"Nice place," Dallas grins looking around.

"My mom is New York with my dad and brother so we have it all to ourselves and it's soundproofed," Fiona comments and Dallas grins.

"Oh good the team is here," Alli says with a coo in her tone walking in with Sav and Anya.

"Hi Cuz," Jeff greets Anya.

"Hey you meet everyone? Come on I'll introduce to everyone," Anya tells him pulling him with her. Although of the guys on the team, besides me and Dave of course, I'm pretty sure Jeff knows the most people here.

While Alli starts flirting with most of the team my gang walks in, well most of them anyway. Jay, Sean, Emma, Lucas, Paige and Spin aren't here but everyone else is including Johnny. He must have been told by one of the others.

"Hi Owen," Johnny greets me and the others wave or nod.

"I'm going to get some food," Clare says.

"I'll come with you," Fitz tells her putting his arm around her waist.

Everyone else begins to mingle or get food and I almost go with them but then Vanessa walks in and smiles at me and I grin back.

"Hey Vanessa," I smile.

"Hey V you made it, your grandparents agreed to watch Rock?" Dallas asks.

"Yeah but only until nine," she replies.

"It's a school night I don't think the party will go much later than that anyway," I tell her.

"Oh yeah Owen thinks you're hot, our cap is a good guy you'd like him," Dallas comments slapping me on the back.

"He doesn't do subtlety does he?"

"No it's not in his nature," she shakes her head. "So you're the team captain?"

"Yeah, I'm not the oldest player but I made captain because I've been going to DeGrassi since grade nine and the coaches thought I'd be a good leader."

"That's great," she smiles.

"Thanks, do you uh want a drink or something?" I offer and she nods so go over to the refreshments. When I get to the punch bowl I notice Clare on the steps with Fitz, she's watching Jeff talk to Marisol and Fitz is watching her watch him. It's going to be interesting to see how this plays out. "So it was pretty cool of you to give up your life in Guelph and move to Toronto because Dallas got on the team. Especially considering that you guys aren't dating anymore."

"Yeah when I told him I was pregnant he broke up with me. We were young, it was stupid. I know it sounds terrible and makes me sound totally naïve but I had sex with him because I wanted him to like me. He was the best athlete and the most popular guy in school and when he paid attention to me I felt great. And things with us were great until I found out I was pregnant. We were young, he panicked but after a couple weeks he came around. We tried to get back together but the stress of being young parents was just too much. Still he was there for the birth of Rocky and he's a good dad and now we're friends, mostly for Rocky's sake but at least he was around."

"Yeah not every guy would be. My friend Jenna is pregnant by her boyfriend K.C. but he's been by her side. They aren't keeping the baby though it's being adopted by people we know so they can still be involved with the baby. I can't imagine being a teen parent."

"It's pretty terrifying and often frustrating but it's rewarding and I can't imagine not having Rocky in my life now."

We move away from the table and go near the stairs, we both lean on the bannister and talk some more. She tells me about Rocky and moving here and we talk about interests. Fitz and Clare leave the party early but everyone else stays, when it's almost nine Vanessa says she has to go.

"I can drive you home," I offer.

"Thanks that would be great if you don't mind," she smiles.

"Yeah no problem, I'm pretty sure the team can find their way home with everyone here. Just let me make sure that my brother can get a lift home from his boyfriends."

"Your brother's gay? Wait did you just say boyfriends?"

"Yeah I'll explain in the car," I tell her. I find Tris with Riley and Zane and they assure me they'll get him home safe. I thank Fiona for the party then take Vanessa down to my car. On the drive home I explain how Tris got two boyfriends that are seniors. "So he kind of sprung it on me and then told our parents. It's not my favorite thing that he's got two boyrfriends who are almost four years older than him but I haven't exactly been an angel so I can't throw stones. I told him to be careful and I told Riley and Zane if they hurt Tris I'd break them both."

"Aww you're a protective big brother that's so sweet. Oh this is it right here," Vanessa tells me pointing to a house and I pull over. "Thanks for the ride. Tonight was fun. You know I was worried about how I would be accepted, following Dallas here for the sake of our son and just being a teen mom in general. But I'm not worried anymore because I know I have at least one friend at DeGrassi," Vanessa tells me kissing my cheek before she gets out of my car.

I grin and drive home with the feel of Vanessa's lips on my cheek. I think I'll ask her out tomorrow. I wonder if she'll say yes? I wonder if Dallas will really be okay with me and his ex? I wonder if Rocky will like me?

**Look no terrible cliffhanger ending but there's also no update until Saturday, August 6****th**** because next week is One Shot Week and then it's Short Story Month. The update will likely begin either the following day or it will begin with party in someone else's pov. **


	38. Do I Hate You? Do I Date You?

**Welcome back! I know like me a lot of you have been anxiously waiting the return of this story.**

**Olivia please look at my profile page for a response to your request.**

**It's just a smidge short tonight.**

**Ch. 38 Do I Hate You? Do I Date You?**

**(JEFF)**

"Since Clare is taken are you going to go after another girl?" Anya asks as we drive to school in my car Tuesday morning.

"I don't know Anya, it kind of depends on what she wants but I will say that no other girl at that school has captured my interest. I did see you flirting with Peter last night," I comment.

"He's hot? What do you know about him?" She asks.

"Divorced parents, he plays guitar, and hockey obviously. That's about it, for as loud and brash as he is he doesn't talk about himself much," I reply.

"Maybe I can show him around after practice," she grins and I just shake my head.

I park at school and we get out, we start walking toward the entrance but my phone rings. When I pull my phone from my pocket I see it's my sister so answer.

"Hey Samantha."

"Hey how's Toronto?"

"It's good, how's Europe?"

"It was amazing but I'm out of money so it's time to come home. I'm flying home in a couple of days but I applied to U of T. I'm not sure that I got in yet and I have nowhere to stay. Anyway I called Uncle Harold and he said I could stay with them as long as Anya doesn't mind sharing her room for a bit. They're going to talk to her after school."

"I'm sure she won't mind and it will be great to have you home again."

"I'll let you go, I know you just got to school. I'll be at home for a few days and then I'll, hopefully, be in Toronto this weekend. See you soon," Samantha says and hangs up.

It's been months since I've seen my sister that wasn't over video chat so I'm very happy that she's coming home. When I get inside I find the rest of my team in the foyer.

"Hey you're smiling did Clare talk to you?" Dallas jokes.

"My sister is coming home; she's hopefully starting at U of T."

"Sweet is she hot?" Jimmy questions.

"She's my sister so I'm not answering that," I reply.

Morning classes aren't that interesting and I eat lunch with the team. A couple of guys ask about Sam but I don't tell them much. After lunch I have drama with Clare, I was happy to see that I have her in the class yesterday but the teacher did a lot of talking and then we did some exercises so I didn't really get to talk to her. Clare did not look very happy at all to be in the class but maybe it was just that both me and Fitz are in the class. Actually Fitz and I have most of our classes together which should be interesting.

"We're going to work on emotions, emotions are important in acting and everyday life. Each of these scenes focuses on a single emotion. I'll break you into groups of two or three and give you a scene to work on and preform at the end of class. Eli, Fitz and Toby anger," Miss Dawes says holding some papers out for them. Before Fitz gets out of his seat he kisses Clare's temple. "Jeff and Clare sorrow," Miss Dawes says and I grin at Clare while she bites her lip.

We get up and grab our script while Mrs. Dawes is calling other names. The drama room is pretty big, tables near the front where we sit and some open area with sofas and beanbag chairs in the back, room to move around for scenes. Clare and I move to the back of the room standing in a corner.

"I wonder if we can get another scene," Clare comments after flipping through the pages.

"Why what's the problem?" I question.

"It's just…" she pauses biting her lip and looks over her shoulder at Fitz. He doesn't see it as he's reading through his script with Toby and Eli. "It's a little…never mind it's fine. You have the first line," she comments.

Our scenes are only a couple minutes each so it's only a page. The scene is about a couple breaking up because the girl wants to be with someone else, I wonder if that's the reason she was hesitant to do the scene. Is she having second thoughts about her and Fitz now that I'm here? Everyone gets ten minutes to run through scenes before we start preforming. Eli, Toby and Fitz go first, neither Eli nor Toby is much of an actor but Fitz is certainly able to tap into some anger. Then it's me and Clare, we go up and go through our scene, not sure that I'm a very good actor either but I think I do okay. Clare is either a great actress or she can tap into some deep sorrow because she actually manages to cry on queue. The scene ends with her giving me a quick kiss, it's supposed to be on the cheek but she kisses my lips instead and then she runs, which is in the scene.

"Brava Miss Mason, bravo Mr. MacPherson that was wonderful you two have a lot of chemistry together," Miss Dawes says and I notice Fitz tensing up as Clare sits next to him again. She takes his hand interlacing their fingers on the table so everyone can see and he kisses her. "Well I think after that emotionally moving scene we could use some laughter, why don't we see lust with Drew and Craig," Miss Dawes comments.

The whole class is in stitches watching Drew and Craig in a scene where they lust for each other. We watch the rest of the scenes before the bell, some are good some are terrible but I spend as much time watching Clare from the corner of my eye as watching the scenes. Clare goes out of class with Fitz's arm around her. I happen to know she has forces of nature: physical process and disaster next period with J.T., I know because J.T. told me yesterday. So I text him asking him to get Clare to the storage room after school.

I sit anxiously though my English class, wondering if Clare will come to the storage room. When class is out I leave the classroom quickly and pretty much run to the storage room. She's not there yet but the bell only rang a moment ago. I send a quick text to Dallas that I need to talk to Clare and I might be a few minutes late to the bus. When I hear the door I look over and smile when Clare comes in.

"J.T. told me you wanted to talk," Clare says when she closes the door.

"About earlier in drama…"

"It was a scene for drama class Jeff," she cuts me off.

"Yeah one that you didn't want to do and wouldn't tell me why. It was a scene about a breakup because the girl was in love with another guy."

"Yeah and the scene was awkward with my boyfriend in the room."

"Why was it awkward? Was it what the scene was about or was it working with me?"

"It was just awkward okay? I have to go I have to meet Fitz," she replies turning around to leave the storage room.

"Clare wait…" I say grabbing her hand and turning her back to me.

"No you don't get to do this Jeff. You ambushed me at my school, you didn't even give me warning that you were coming. You can't just show up without warning, not just show up like you wanted to see me but show up because you're going to school here. Show up without even mentioning it in all the times we talked and then ask me about my relationship with Fitz," she censures me pulling her hand away before storming out of the room.

"Well that did not go well," I sigh leaving the room after her.

"So how'd it go?" Dallas questions.

"How'd what go and where the heck have you been?" Owen questions as I sit down and the bus starts going.

"Doesn't matter it didn't go well," I sigh.

"Yeah well put it out of your head MacPherson we got practice," Owen tells me and I nod.

It's not easy to put Clare out of my mind for practice but I manage. Of course I'm thinking of her all the way home, when I get home I find Anya moving some stuff around her room.

"Does this mean Sam is coming?"

"Yeah this weekend and Mom and Dad are going out Saturday night so we can have a party welcoming her. You should invite the whole team," Anya smiles.

I smile and go to my room to start my homework. It will be nice to have my sister here.

**(CLARE)**

"Where were you?" Fitz asks when I get out to the steps.

"Washroom," I reply.

"What did J.T. want?" Adam questions.

"He was asking about Owen," I reply and pull Fitz toward his car before anyone else starts to ask questions.

Adam and Maya come with us getting into the back, we're the only ones going to our house this afternoon. Owen of course has Ice Hounds practice, Drew has work in an hour, Bianca is going with him to the mall and they'll do homework until he has start work. Jenna and K.C. have a birthing class to go to and then are meeting with Joey and Caitlin. And Tris, as usual, is going to Zane's house to be with his boyfriends.

I think about Jeff all the way home. That scene in drama was beyond awkward, if Miss Dawes wasn't totally clueless about the situation I would swear she did it on purpose. Not that I'm in love with Jeff but I do have strong feelings for him. I'm not thinking of leaving Fitz for him either but ever since Jeff showed up yesterday morning and I found out he was here for good, or least until school is out for the summer, my hearts been in turmoil. His confrontation just a short time ago didn't help.

Spinner opened today so he's home when we get there. We greet Spin and I take Fitz to my room to do homework. We sit on my bed, I look at my science homework and he begins with English. I'm looking at my book but I'm not doing homework I'm thinking about Jeff.

"How did I get into university track English? It might as well be Greek," Fitz huffs tossing his book across the room and startling me from my thoughts. I put down my book and pick his up, taking it back to him and sitting in his lap.

"I'll help you, do well and you'll get rewarded," I tell him and he grins.

"I like doing homework with you," he smiles kissing my neck. I help him with his English homework, it's pretty easy but he keeps getting distracted by me. "So do I get my reward now?" Fitz asks when he's finished writing his paper.

"Don't you have more homework?" I question and he grimaces at me.

He makes a playfully growl and flips me to my back on the bed. He lifts my shirt and kisses my belly as his hand slides under my jeans and panties. He keeps kissing my abdomen, lifting my shirt a little more and his hand in my jeans finds my clit. He applies a little pressure to my clit and I let out a moan.

"You know if you were a school subject I think I'd get an A," Fitz says and I giggle.

"You know two of my brothers are home," I comment after he begins pulling my jeans down my legs.

"They know we're having sex. I doubt they want to hear you moan but they're not going to come in and kill me," he replies with a licentious grin as he shimmies my jeans and panties to my ankles.

I open my mouth but his tongue slides over my pussy lips and I release a moan instead of a word. His tongue slides around drinking in my juices and I grip his hair. His tongue rapidly brings me to orgasm and then he withdraws his tongue pulling my jeans up my legs and fastening them again. He kisses me softly and sits down again.

"Okay I'll finish my homework now," he smiles.

I grab my science book and actually get to my homework now. Everyone is home for dinner except for Drew who closes tonight and Bianca who decides to stay with him. After dinner we return to my room, Fitz sends a text to Sean to check in and see how Jay is. When Drew and Bianca do get home we go out to say hi and spend some time watching TV with Adam and Maya. Since Spin got up at three he crashes early but Fitz and I are up until after midnight before going to bed. I don't sleep very long, I have a dream about me and Fitz and Jeff. An odd and slightly disturbing dream, not quite a nightmare but I wake up with a gasp and in a cold sweat. Fitz is sleeping soundly, snoring lightly, I get up and he doesn't stir. I go out to the living room and watch TV doing my best not to think about boys in general, it's not working very well. I do eventually fall asleep again, waking up Spinner says my name brushing some hair from my face.

"Clare, wake up sis," Spinner says and my eyes shoot open. "What are you doing sleeping on the sofa?"

"Couldn't sleep," I reply.

"Well it's only three why don't you go back to your room and get a few more hours," he says helping me up.

I nod and sleepily walk back to my room, lifting the covers and flopping onto the bed which wakes Fitz up a little. He kind of snorts and rolls over putting his arm around me.

"You okay?" He yawns.

"Yeah, go back to sleep," I tell him kissing the corner of his mouth softly. He smiles and goes back to sleep.

I too get back to sleep, if I do dream again I don't remember it but we're awoken by our alarms at 6:30 and get up with the rest of the house. Paige is in the kitchen drinking coffee, Drew seems to be in the washroom with Bianca so I use the one in Paige and Spinner's room. I don't eat breakfast because I'm not hungry and I'm thinking about Jeff again. As usual I ride with Fitz, Adam and Maya come with us and Bianca rides with Drew leaving her car at the house.

When we get inside I see most of the Ice Hounds in the foyer, I look at Jeff and then bite my lip turning away. Taking Fitz's hand I pull him with me to my locker and get out books. We start walking to Fitz's locker and my heart sinks when I see a puck bunny draped on Jeff. She's batting her eyelashes and he's grinning at her with that grin that makes my knees shake.

"I need to use the washroom I'll see you at lunch," I tell Fitz and he looks over at Jeff and the puck bunny.

"You okay?" Fitz questions.

"Yeah I just need to use the washroom," I assure him with a smile and give him a passionate kiss before I turn and walk toward the washroom.

I don't actually go the washroom I just didn't want to watch Jeff with that girl. I go up to the roof, it's starting to snow a bit but I don't care I need fresh air and space. I pace up here a bit watching the snow fall but when I hear the door open again I look over and see Owen walk out.

"What's wrong?" Owen asks.

"How'd you know I was here?"

"I saw you pacing when I pulled in now spill," Owen commands.

"I saw Jeff with…I'm not sure I can talk to you about this."

"Saw Jeff with what Clare? C'mon we've been friends forever and it wasn't that long ago we were more than that," Owen prods.

"That's kind of my point, we've been intimate, you're on the team with Jeff and Fitz is one of your best friends I'm not sure I can talk to you about the two of them."

"I'll understand better than anyone else. No one else has been intimate with you, no one else knows Jeff or Fitz the way I do except for the two of them and I know you won't talk to them. So you saw Jeff with what?"

"Not what, who. I saw him with a puck bunny, she was draped on him and I was jealous. I still love Fitz and I want to be with him but I want to be with Jeff too. Am I terrible person? Does that make me extremely selfish to want them both?"

"No I don't think so. I know you have strong feelings for both and I knew it was going to be hard for you when Jeff was at the school. I wanted to tell you Clare but Jeff wanted to do it and I listened, I'm sorry. I don't think wanting to be with them makes you selfish I think it's understandable given the situation."

"So what do I do?"

"Sorry can't tell you that. You'll just have to listen to your heart and give it some time you'll know what to do."

"In some ways I really hate this situation, I want them both I care about them both and I can only have one," I huff.

"I know matters of the heart are hard," Owen sighs and I look at him.

"You like someone," I grin.

"Yeah Dallas' ex and the mother of his kid. She came here with their son so he could still see his son. On Monday he seemed fine with it, he even told Vanessa at the party that I thought she was hot and told her I was a good guy. I asked her out yesterday and he mentioned it at practice, he wasn't exactly upset but he didn't seem happy about it either and he's been a little tense around me since then," Owen sighs and then looks at his phone. "Come on we should get in there before the bell rings," Owen says putting his arm loosely around my shoulders and walking me back to the door. We go down to the school and walk down the hall a little ways before Principal Simpson comes running over.

"Owen your mom just called, your brother is in the hospital in critical condition. You c…" Simpson is saying but Owen is already running for the doors to get to the hospital and see his brother.

My own heart is pounding wondering if Tris will be okay and what happened to him?

**That's not that cruel is it? Well it's only a week until the update. The update next Saturday will begin with Owen's pov getting to the hospital.**


	39. Wounds

**It's pretty short we were preparing for my dad's birthday tomorrow. There will be a chapter tomorrow but as it is my dad's birthday it will also be on the short side.**

**Ch. 39 Wounds**

**(OWEN)**

"Owen your mom just called, your brother is in the hospital in critical condition. You c…" Simpson is saying and I run out before he finishes. I jump in my car and race to the hospital. When I come into the emergency entrance I see my mom in the waiting room. She's crying and hugs me tightly when she sees me.

"Mom where is he? What the hell happened?"

"He was beaten Owen. Tris, Riley and Zane all were beaten sometime last night and just left. They were found this morning," Mom tells me and my fists clench. My chest is tight with anger and I grind my teeth. Whoever did this to my brother and his boyfriends I will find them and I will make them pay.

"They took their wallets; it was a gang robbery. Beating up three friends," a man sighs shaking his head. By the look of him I'd say he's Riley's dad. Only they aren't friends they're all dating but I guess not all the families know that. Not all the parents are as understanding as mine so I don't dispute him.

"I called your father he's flying back on the next flight," Mom tells me. Dad is out on a business trip and left yesterday.

I sit down to wait for news but I want to be out there looking for whoever put my brother and his boyfriends in the hospital. Zane's parents are called over first, the nurse talks to them for a moment and then they go down the hall. They look worried yet relieved so Zane must be mostly okay. A short time later the nurse calls Mom and I over.

"Tristan is being taken to recovery. He's in room twelve one floor up, Dr. Silva will be outside his room to talk to you," the nurse tells us and points us to the elevator. We find Tristan's room and the doctor standing out front.

"Mrs. Milligan?" The doctor asks.

"Yes, this is Tristan's brother Owen."

"Tristan has a minor concussion, he broke three ribs, his left arm was dislocated and broken in two places. He stabilized it and put some pins in. He may need further reconstructive surgery on his arm but right now getting it stabilized and the blood flowing was the most important. He has a lot of bruising, especially in his abdomen and the blows were hard enough to bruise some of his organs, he was lucky to avoid internal bleeding. Still internal injuries and head injuries can be deceptive and we'll be keeping him for several days for observation. You can go in and see him but it will take him a little bit to full come around from the anesthesia."

"Thank you Doctor," Mom says and we go into Tristan's room.

Mom takes a couple of steps into the room and when she sees Tristan she gasps. I put my arm around her and we walk to Tristan's bed. I sit down and at my brother's bedside and look at him. Mom sits down and takes his hand carefully.

"Don't worry little brother I will find who did this to you and I will make them pay," I swear to my brother.

We sit for a while just watching Tris and waiting for him to wake up. Dad sends a text that he got a flight but it will still be about five hours before he can join us at the hospital. His flight isn't for two hours, it's almost a two-hour flight. We know Tris is starting to wake up when he groans.

"We're here Tristan, we're here with you," Mom tells him.

He's got two black eyes and his right one is so swollen he can't even open it but his left one opens a little. He groans and then coughs a little, and his eyes close again.

"Mom?"

"I'm here Honey and so is Owen, Dad's on his way," Mom tells him.

"I ca…" Tris begins and then starts coughing.

"Just rest little bro," I command him.

"I'll go get the doctor," Mom says getting up and going out of the room.

"They beat us," Tris says. His voice is scratchy and weak; he coughs a bit. "They beat us because we're gay," Tris says and then starts coughing again.

"I'll kill them," I assure my brother just as Mom returns with the doctor.

"How do you feel Tristan?" The doctor asks as he starts examining Tris.

"Pain," Tris replies.

"We can probably get you something for that. Can you tell me where it hurts the most?"

"My side, my arm, my stomach," Tris says with a strained breath.

"You had some badly broken ribs, that's why you're having some strained breathing and a lot of pain there. Just to be safe I think we should send you for an MRI," Doctor Silva comments looking at Tristan's vital signs. "Mrs. Milligan please come with me," the doctor says and Mom leaves the room with him.

A couple minutes later Mom returns and then some people come in and start unhooking Tris from the machines and monitors. His bed is moveable and they take him out of the room and down the hall. Mom goes with him but I stay here, not in Tristan's room but I walk down the hall looking for Riley and Zane's rooms. I find Riley's first because it's right next to Tristan's. I look in from the doorway but Riley is worse off than Tris. He's still unconscious, his head and most of his face is bandaged, his leg is in traction, he's hooked up to all the monitors and an IV but he's also on oxygen. I don't want to disturb his parents so I continue walking, looking for Zane's room. I walk all up and down the hall but I don't see it. So I go to the nurse's station on this floor.

"I'm looking for Zane Park's room, he was brought in with my brother Tristan Milligan."

"His room is one floor up, he didn't need to be in the ICU," she tells me after looking at her computer.

"Thanks," I reply and go to the elevator to go up one floor and find Zane's room easily. I peek in the doorway and Zane ushers me inside.

"How's Tris?"

"He's got some broken ribs, a broken arm and a lot of bruises. They took him for an MRI because he was struggling to breathe a little and he's in pain."

"What about Riley? Have you heard anything about him?"

"I peeked in his room but it doesn't look good. He's all bandaged, hi leg is in traction, he's not even conscious. I didn't want to disturb his parents but he looked pretty bad. How about you? You seem to be doing okay?"

"Compared to them yeah I got off pretty easy. Of course I got knocked out early and didn't wake up until I was in the hospital."

"What happened? Tris said they beat you up because you gay," I remark and then look at Zane's parents realizing I maybe shouldn't have said that.

"It's okay they know everything," Zane tells me and his parents nod. "The three of us had been to a movie, another group of guys were there. They were sitting in front of us but they looked back several times during the movie. When we left we were walking back to my place and the group of guys followed us. We didn't realize it at first but they began making comments. They knew we were gay because they'd been watching us, they were making comments about us all sleeping together and some other derogatory comments. We were ignoring them, we just kept walking thinking they'd get bored. Then one of them picked up a rock and hurled at it at us. We didn't know until the rock hit Riley on the shoulder and he cried out. Then they just attacked us. Two of them grabbed me and shoved me to the ground, started punching another was kicking me and I passed out."

"Did you get a good look at them?"

"The cops were just in here asking me that and I described them as best I could but I mostly just saw the one sitting on me and punching me. Tris may have gotten a better look at them."

"I should get back down there, he's probably back by now."

"Tell Tris I'll come and see him as soon as they let me."

"Yeah I will," I smile.

"And Owen, Riley's parents don't know any of it. They think we're best friends. They're pretty strict Greek Orthodox they wouldn't take it too well."

"I won't say anything to them," I assure him and leave Zane's room.

I get back to Tristan's room and Mom says the MRI revealed a little blood in Tristan's lungs. But the doctor didn't find any tears or punctures in his lungs, so they think he breathed it in during the attack after biting his lip. They'll drain the blood and it should help him breathe but they'll keep him on oxygen for a while. The whole time he's getting the blood drained Tris has his eyes closed and his pretty out of it. Mom and I stay in his room anyway; I only leave when my phone rings. It's Clare and I step out of the room to talk to her without disturbing Tris.

"Hey."

"How's Tris?"

"He, Riley and Zane were all beaten badly by some homophobic jerks and if I find them I will rip their heads off. Zane is okay he got knocked out, he's got a black eye, fat lip and a fractured wrist, probably some fractured ribs too but he got off easy. Tris has two black eyes, his face is all bruised, the doctor said his abdomen too. He's got broken ribs and a severely broken arm. Still he's not as bad as Riley, he's not even conscious and it doesn't look good."

"Tell Tris we're thinking of him and let us know if you need anything," Clare says.

"Yeah I will," I reply and hang up returning to Tristan's room.

**(CLARE)**

"Does Owen know who beat Tris?" Fitz asks.

"No but if he finds out he'll kill them," I reply.

It's lunch and we ate with everyone in the memorial garden. I wanted to avoid the caf where the Ice Hounds would be eating. I called Owen before we ate to find out how Tris was.

"You guys hear about the party at Anya's place Saturday? It's to welcome Jeff's sister," Drew says.

"Samantha's coming?" I question.

"Yeah Jeff didn't tell you?" Drew asks.

"We haven't exactly spoken much," I mumble and everyone looks from me to Fitz.

"Hey don't look at me I'd never dream of telling her who she can and can't speak to I'm not that stupid," Fitz replies.

"Well we're all invited," Drew says.

"We should tell Owen when we go to the hospital to see Tris after school," Bianca comments.

"Yeah I'm sure Owen will need a party but I'm not sure he'll want to leave Tris. I wonder if he'll make his date with Vanessa on Friday?" Drew ponders just before the bell rings.

We leave the memorial garden and split up to go to our lockers. Fitz walks to drama with his arm around me and Mrs. Dawes tells us to sit in the back of the room. We sit on a sofa with Drew, when Jeff comes in I smile briefly and then look away. Miss Dawes reads to us and then calls up other people to participate in scenes. While Drew and Fitz are doing a scene I move a little closer to Jeff.

"You didn't tell me Samantha was coming."

"I found out yesterday, you've been avoiding me."

"You should have told me you on the Ice H…"

"Clare, Jeff perhaps you'd like to do a scene together? You had a lot of chemistry yesterday," Miss Dawes grins.

"Sure," Jeff says standing up and I get up as well.

Unlike yesterday she has us do a comical scene, it's not nearly as funny as watching Drew and Craig lust for each other like yesterday but it's funny. I sit down again between Fitz and Drew and we watch a couple more scenes before class is over. Fitz walks me to my next class and kisses me at the door. After Adam and I go to the steps to wait for everyone. I watch the Ice Hounds get on the bus and see that same puck bunny flirting with Jeff and I grind my teeth.

"Hey Clare," Dallas says from behind me and I turn around, "the bus is stopping at the hospital to pick up Owen and see Tris you want to come with us?"

"We'll meet you there," Adam says.

"Thanks," smile at my brother and walk with Dallas to the bus.

"I told Clare we'd give her a ride to the hospital," Dallas explains when we get on the bus. "You can sit in the back with Jeff," Dallas says.

I walk to the back and sit next to Jeff. He grins at me but I look away.

"Are you that mad at me for not telling you Samantha was coming?"

"Not just that?"

"Then what is it?"

"I'm not talking about it on a bus full of your teammates," I respond.

When the bus pulls up to the hospital everyone gets off and walks in. Jeff and I follow but when he sees an empty room he pulls me in and locks the door.

"Okay talk," Jeff asserts.

**The update next Saturday will pick up from right here and might just get to Owen and Vanessa's date.**


	40. When He Kisses My Lips, Get a Thrill

**Forty chapters! Forty chapters and we've barely begun to tell this story it may go another forty chapters or more! A huge thank you to everyone who reads and especially those who review I always like to know what the readers are thinking, hoping, looking forward to, want more of or less of. **

**Anyway here's to another forty chapters and I hope you all enjoy this one.**

**Ch. 40 When He Kisses My Lips, Get a Thrill through My Fingertips**

**(CLARE)**

"Okay talk," Jeff asserts and I bite my lip. "Clare talk to me we've always been able to talk."

"Yes we have until you didn't tell me that you were moving to Toronto and you convinced one of my closest friends not to say anything about it either. Then you show up without notice and my relationship with Mark is shaken because now you're not an hour away now you're here. And now that you're here we're not talking, we should be talking every day but I can barely look at you because when I do I think about us. I think about us and I think about how betrayed I felt when I first saw you in your Ice Hounds jacket."

"I didn't want to cause tension in your relationship with Fitz," Jeff says.

"I know you didn't but you have. I love Mark but every time I see you I think about us and every time I see you with a puck bunny hanging off you I get jealous. You may not have intended it but you threw chaos into a part of my life so that I'm questioning who I should be with," I tell him with a frustrated and angry tone yet it's laced with some unintended desperation.

I take a step trying to walk past him and out of the room but Jeff catches my hand. He turns me back to him and our lips connect, joining together almost on their own and once connected they spark! I inhale a breath from Jeff's lips and part my lips gripping his jacket and deepening the kiss. My tongue licks across his bottom lip and his tongue caresses mine. Our tongues and lips coalesce, his arms embrace me, and the rest of the world disappears, at least until the door opens and a woman's startled gasp pulls us apart. I bite my lip, push Jeff away and run from the room. I run past Adam, Drew, Bianca, Maya and Mark as they come down the hall to see Tris.

"CLARE," my brothers and Mark call after me but I continue running out of the hospital.

I barely make it outside before Mark catches me wrapping me in his arms. I cling to his shirt and begin to cry, trembling slightly and trying to forget that I was just kissing another boy.

"Clare what's wr…" he begins to ask but I don't want to talk so I look up and snatch his lips before he can continue.

I kiss him hard and deep with passion but also desperation, desperately trying to erase Jeff's kiss, desperately trying to hide the kiss and how much I liked it. I keep us locked in the kiss until I'm no longer crying and then I break the kiss.

"I love you," I whisper to him.

"I love you too, do you want to tell me what's wrong now?"

"I just don't want to be here can we go?"

"Go where?"

"I don't care let's just go," I reply grabbing his hand and I take off running pulling Mark behind me.

We run for a few blocks through the snow before we stop at a park. It's snowing lightly so I cuddle into Mark's jacket and he holds me tightly.

"You want to talk now?" Mark asks.

"There's nothing to talk about I just didn't want to be at the hospital," I reply capturing his lips once more.

I break the kiss and look around the park pulling Mark down into some trees. Pushing him against a tree I mash my lips to his again. I pull at his fly and get his jeans open, tugging them down a little and stroke his already growing erection. Mark moans and I'm fairly certain he's no longer thinking of talking or asking me what's wrong. When he's entirely hard I unzip my own jeans. It takes some finagling, Mark picks me up and I wrap my legs around him, he holds me up and thrusts in evoking a moan from my lips. It's a little awkward, more of a quick bang than making love but it's a good release for me and it's keeping Mark from talking. He sets me down and my legs are shaking, after fixing our jeans Mark puts his arm around me and we go back to the park.

"Do you want to go back to the hospital to see Tris now or shall we go home?"

"Let's go home, I don't feel much like being at the hospital. I'll visit Tris tomorrow."

We walk back to his car still parked at the hospital, Drew's car is gone so everyone else has gone home. Of course the Ice Hounds bus is long gone and they are now at practice. We get into Mark's car and he starts driving.

"Can we go to your place? It will be quieter, actually it should be empty with Sean and Emma at Jay's right?"

"Yeah but you'd better call Adam or Drew and tell them we're going to my place and where's your backpack?"

"I guess I left it on the Ice Hounds bus."

"Just why did you ride over with them?"

"Dallas said they were going over and invited me to ride with them," I reply getting out my phone and calling Adam.

"Where are you guys?" Adam asks.

"On our way to Mark's."

"Do you want your backpack? Owen brought it off the bus," Adam tells me.

"Yeah I do need that I have homework," I reply and look at Mark, "stop at my place I need my backpack."

"Okay," he nods.

I hang up with Adam and we arrive at my house a couple minutes later. I run in and grab my backpack and tell Drew I'm sleeping Mark's tonight. I get back in Mark's car and he takes us to his house which is empty. We make something to eat and get started on homework, I help him with his homework and we watch TV until we're tired. I fall asleep in Mark's arms but I have a dream about Mark and Jeff. I wake up suddenly and slip out of bed, I can't sleep after that and spend the rest of the night watching TV while my mind and heart are in turmoil over two boys.

"Clare?" Mark calls to me in a sleepy voice a little after six.

"Here," I call back.

"What are you doing out here? If you couldn't sleep you should have woken me up," he yawns.

"I didn't want to wake you, I'm fine but I am going to take a shower," I tell him giving him a gently kiss before walking to the washroom.

I manage to shower without thinking of either boy, we get ready for school but I don't eat breakfast, I don't feel hungry. Mark drives us to school and walks me to my locker.

"Are you sure everything is okay? You know you can talk to me about anything," Mark says as I start to get books from my locker.

"I know and I love you but I'm okay," I reply kissing him passionately. I grab my books and walk with Mark to his locker, Owen is here at his own locker. "How's Tris?" I ask him while Mark opens his locker.

"They said he might get released Monday. Zane was released this morning but he won't be back at school until Monday probably. Tris might need more surgery but he's stable for now and as long as he stays that way he should be okay. Riley is still unconscious and Tris hasn't really been able to describe the guys who beat them but when I find them I am going tear their heads off."

"We'll help, no one hurts one of ours," Mark says.

"Thanks I know you will," Owen grins.

"I'll go see him after school this time. I know you're worried about Tris but at least your date with Vanessa tomorrow will get your mind off it for a bit," I comment.

"Shit my date I totally forgot. I haven't even thought about what to do," Owen remarks putting his head on his locker door.

"Owen she likes you, I'm sure whatever you do together she'll enjoy even if it's just a nice dinner," I advise him.

"I hope so because I haven't thought about it at all and I haven't talked to Dallas about what his problem is with it either."

"Unless Dallas directly tells you not to go out with her I think you should wait to talk to Dallas until after the date," Mark advises.

"Yeah you're probably right," Owen agrees just as the bell rings and they walk me to class before they go to native studies together.

By concentrating on class, and the fact that I have neither Jeff nor Mark in either morning class, I get through the morning without thinking about them. Lunch however is an entirely different story. Adam and I leave science and meet everyone in the memorial garden for lunch, Owen is eating with us today instead of the Ice Hounds. I eat a little but I'm still not the hungry, after eating I lean against Mark with my knees bent and my toes tucked under my brother's leg. Until I see Jeff in the hall being flirted with again, then I grit my teeth and sit up so I'm longer leaning against Mark.

"I need to use the washroom, I'll see you in class," I tell Mark kissing his temple and leaving the memorial garden. I use the washroom and begin walking to the drama classroom but Jeff grabs me pulling me into the storage room first. "You can't keep pulling me into empty rooms," I censure him.

"We could talk in the hall but I didn't think you'd want rumor to spread. You can't keep denying what you feel, that kiss yesterday you felt it too, you wanted it too. You're lying to yourself, to me and to Fitz."

"I love Mark."

"I never said you didn't."

"I'm going to class," I reply trying to walk past him but he blocks my path. "We have to get class," I remind him.

"Not for another few minutes and we need to talk," Jeff comments.

"No we don't, we needed to talk two months ago when you made the Ice Hounds," I snap at him.

"I'm sorry I should have told you, it was a mistake. I think that you don't want to talk because you would not have kissed me like that if you didn't want me so much. You deepened the kiss, I felt the passion in your lips, the way you kissed me and I know how you feel because that's how I feel about you. I know you love Fitz but that doesn't change how we feel and trying to ignore it isn't fair to anyone," Jeff says and the bell rings.

"I'm going to class," I reply quietly and walk past him.

Jeff follows behind me a few seconds later and we walk to drama. When I enter the room Mark looks at me and then Jeff, I feel Jeff's eyes on me and I suddenly feel stuck between them. Rather than walking to Mark I walk to my brother, taking Drew's hand I pull him to the loveseat and sit next to him so that no one else can sit next to me.

"Trouble?" Drew asks in a whisper.

"Don't you always say I attract it like a magnet?" I whisper back.

"That you do," he nods just as Miss Dawes begins class.

**(OWEN)**

"Hey little bro how you feeling?" I ask peeking my head into Tristan's room Friday morning.

"A little better, still finding it a bit hard to breathe," he says.

"Yeah broken ribs suck. Can I bring you anything after school? We have practice tomorrow instead of this afternoon."

"I'll be okay, Zane and his parents are coming by later. Are you ready for your date tonight?

"I think so, at least I have a dinner plan. The guys that beat you do you remember what they look like yet?"

"A little but they were kind of a blur. Two of them had North Park jackets on though. I think the detectives are coming back later to ask me the same thing."

"I hope I find them before the cops so I can kill them. I should get going to school, I'll be back this afternoon."

I say goodbye to my brother going out to my car and driving to school. I park and walk inside, the Ice Hounds are here and Jeff is watching Clare longingly, while she stands there uncomfortably trying to hide behind her brothers and seems to be as far away from Fitz as she can be. I knew there would be some tension when Jeff made the team and he'd be transferred here, but I think this tension is about to explode. Speaking of tension Dallas is giving me a pretty harsh look, when I look at him though he smiles. I hang out with the team until the bell and then walk to class with Jeff, Craig, Kelly, Jimmy and Peter. Most of us also have second period together and we walk in a group. At lunch the team meets in the caf and I sit next to Dallas.

"If you don't want me going out with Vanessa then say something," I tell him.

"You can go out with Vanessa," he shrugs.

"You don't sound like you're okay with it. You practically push us together and when I ask her out you seem to opposed to the idea so what's up?"

"I'm not opposed to it, Vanessa can date who she wants," Dallas replies.

"Then how come I keep catching you glaring at me?"

"I'm not," Dallas responds but he won't look at me.

"Then why d…"

"Hey tomorrow is an important practice," Dallas says loudly cutting me off, "I know it sucks to give up part of your Saturday but our first game is next week."

Whatever is bothering Dallas he's not going to talk about it so I give up. I leave the caf early and find Vanessa with Anya and Holly J.

"Hey Owen you're coming to the party tomorrow night to welcome my cousin Samantha aren't you?" Anya asks.

"Yeah I'll be there," I nod and look at Vanessa. "Since we don't have practice this afternoon I thought we'd move the date to a little earlier and give us a bit more time. I'll pick you up at four if that works for you?"

"Four is great I'll see you then," she smiles.

I grin back and walk to my locker to get my text book for third period. After third period I go back to the hospital to see my brother since I have a spare last period. Zane is here and so is Dad but I still hang out for a while before going home to get ready for my date. I shower and dress in dark jeans and a nice shirt, of course it's freezing out so I take my Ice Hounds jacket, gloves and a hat. I'm a little early but if Vanessa's grandparents are anything like parents they may want to meet me and ask me a few questions before we leave. Vanessa already gave me her address and it's pretty close to where we live. When I knock on the door her Grandfather answers.

"You must be Owen, please come in Vanessa will be down in a moment," he says stepping aside.

"Thank you Sir."

"You're on the team with Michael," her grandfather comments and it takes me a second to realize he means Dallas.

"Yeah I'm the team captain," I reply.

"Sorry to keep you waiting," Vanessa says coming out of the back.

"Not at all, you look beautiful," I grin.

"Thanks," she smiles before hugging both her grandparents and grabbing her jacket.

She's wearing skinny jeans and a red sweater with white knee high boots. She puts her jacket on and we go out to my car. I open the door for her and drive us to Queen Street, it takes a few minutes to find parking but we manage and then walk to the restaurant. I was smart enough to make reservations so we only wait a couple moments for a table. We look at the menu a few minutes and are ready to order when the waiter comes back.

"Has Dallas said anything to you about us? Not that there is an us but the date I mean?" I question Vanessa when the waiter leaves.

"No," she says slowly, "why did he say anything to you?"

"Not exactly but he practically pushed us together at first, when I told him we had a date his attitude changed. Not that he's said anything exactly but he's been different, sort of cold and he's glared at me a few times. I asked him today and all he said was that you can date who you want. He wouldn't talk anymore about it he changed the subject."

"Do you want me to talk to him?"

"If it will help. I don't want there to be tension on the team and I sure as hell don't want there to be tension between us. I thought he was okay with it all but now he seems so against the idea."

"Mike and I haven't dated for a long time but he's still quite protective, of both me and Rocky. The few dates I have been on since having Rocky have been just that a few dates. I went on one or two dates with a guy from my high school but as soon as he met Rocky and the whole mom thing became real, and they thought they'd be Daddy, they bolted. I stopped bringing them to the house or letting them meet Rocky. Mike may be concerned about that but I'll talk to him, don't worry about it," Vanessa replies with a reassuring smile and I grin.

"So tell me about Rocky I see the picture Dallas has in his locker but I don't know anything about him."

"He's great, he's a bundle of energy and he's stubborn, he'll argue with you to no end which can be terribly frustrating. He's extremely curious and loves to explore and build and he loves sports."

"Well that's not surprising considering Dallas is his father. When you're ready for me to I'd love to meet him," I tell her and she grins.

We talk all through dinner, a dinner and dessert that takes over two hours because we're talking. I pay for dinner and we go driving, getting coffee from a drive-thru coffee shop and parking near the beach. We continue talking, learning so much about the other but I'm eager to learn more, so much more. I take her home and walk her to the door.

"I had a wonderful time thank you," Vanessa smiles giving me tender kiss at her door.

"So did I. Will I see you at the party tomorrow?"

"I'll try and make it if I can get my grandparents to babysit. Goodnight Owen," she smiles kissing me again before going inside.

I grin all the way to the Mason house. Grinning ear to ear when I walk into the house and Bianca laughs.

"I take it the date went well?" Drew questions.

"Amazing it was amazing, we just had dinner and talked for hours it was all we did but it was amazing. Where's Clare? I want to thank her for her advise or I would have been stressing about it all night."

"She's sleeping at Fitz's place again," Adam tells me.

"You want to hang out and sleep over? You can take Clare's bed since she's not here. It's not like you haven't slept in it before," Drew comments with a grin and I shoot him a look.

"Yeah I'll spend the night," I reply.

We watch TV and I tell them about the date on commercials. I do sleep in Clare's bed but I think only of Vanessa. I wake up Saturday morning when I smell breakfast. Eating with the Mason's and Maya before I head to the hospital to see Tristan. I spend a couple hours with my brother before going to the arena for practice. I'm one of the first ones here and I go into the locker room to change. I'm still getting my gear on when Dallas comes in.

"So the date went well I hear," Dallas comments.

"Yeah it went great, we had a good time I really like her. You're not going to deck me now are you?"

"Vanessa is free to date who she wants but not everyone is free to be around my son. Don't get me wrong I like you Owen, I think you're a good guy and I think you'll be good for Vanessa. But she's had dates before and I'll be keeping a closer eye on you for a while and if you hurt Vanessa I will make you sorry," Dallas tells me.

"Understood but I won't hurt Vanessa I really like her and if you do have a problem with me dating her you better tell me now."

"I don't have a problem with you dating Vanessa but I don't want her to be hurt. Before you get into the relationship any further know what you're getting into and be 200% sure about all of it. It's not just a regular relationship, you can't think short term and it comes with a lot of baggage so before you go out with her again be sure with every fiber of your being that you are in it 200% and it's what you want," Dallas says lacing up his skate and going out to the ice.

I guess that's what's been bugging him, of course he could have just told me that to begin with. He is right though as much as I like Vanessa there is a lot to consider.

**The update next Saturday will probably start with the party to welcome Samantha and what a party it will be! **


	41. Where You're Going Has No Signs

**We have family visiting all weekend and because chapters were skipped last week with me being sick I was determined not to skip chapters this week. However today and tomorrow will be pretty short chapters.**

**I hope you enjoy, it's going to be one heck of a party!**

**Ch. 41 Where You're Going Has No Signs**

**(JOHNNY)**

"Hey Johnny," Owen calls to me pulling his car over and I lean in the passenger window, "whatcha up to tonight?"

"Nothing, thought I'd stop by and see Jay or head to the Mason's," I shrug.

"Emma, Sean, Paige and Spin are at Jay's place and are staying over and all the Masons are headed to the party at Anya's for Jeff's sister. You should come to that you can see Jay in the morning. Come on you can go with me," Owen tells me opening the passenger door and I get in the car.

"Jeff has a sister?" I inquire.

"Yeah she was in Europe and moved back she's hoping to go to U of T like you."

"Cool. How's Tris doing?"

"He'll get released on Tuesday probably, possibly Monday but he had fluid in his lungs last night so they're keeping a close eye on him. Riley is still unconscious and Zane is at the hospital every day. When I find who did this I will tear the heads off," Owen growls tightening his hands on the steering wheel.

Owen parks at a house and I follow him inside. We come in just after Drew, Bianca, Maya and Adam. Drew seems to be telling Jeff that Clare is coming with Fitz.

"Everyone this is my sister Samantha," Jeff introduces us, "these are two of Clare's brothers Adam and Drew. This is Drew's girlfriend Bianca, Adam's girlfriend Maya and their friends Johnny and Owen. Owen is on the team with me."

"Yeah I could tell by his jacket," Samantha grins but is looking at me.

"Johnny is going to U of T, if you get in you guys might see each other on campus," Jeff tells her and she smiles a little bigger.

"So how do you like U of T?" Samantha asks me.

"It's great, I'm majoring in literature and minoring in business. When did you apply to U of T?"

"Only a couple of weeks ago while I was in Berlin. I'm sure I won't make it for this semester but I was hoping to at least make it to the summer semester. Until then I can start working somewhere and get my own apartment so I'm not crashing in Anya's room."

"That's great and a good plan. I've got a small apartment, I got a scholarship and worked in senior year. It's tiny but it's mine, I was tired of sharing space with my family. So what are you going to major in?"

"Hospitality I think I loved traveling I'd love to open a hotel somewhere else one day. I'll probably minor in music though, I love music," she says with this incredible smile.

"I love music too," I grin replying almost automatically because I'm lost in her deep blue eyes. "I mean I don't play any instruments or sing but I love to listen music," I correct and she laughs. It's a beautiful laugh and it makes me smile more.

"Maybe I'll sing for you sometime," she says and I smile with elation at this thought.

"I would love that. So what did you see in Europe?" I question.

For most of the night she tells me about her time in Europe, all the countries she visited, all the people and sights and everything she loved. I love just listening to her to her talk, watching her eyes light up and her smile brighten when she talks about places and people that she loves. I feel like I'm there with her as she recounts some of her favorite moments. I adore that she talks giddily like an excited child about a palace one moment, and then talk with such maturity and wisdom the next moment about an old man still making clogs in his house in Holland. I really don't pay attention to much else at the party I don't eat or drink I just listen to Samantha talk. She even shows me pictures on her phone of the places and then begins telling me another story because of something she saw in the picture.

"Oh my gosh I've been talking for three hours, you should have stopped me," she comments after looking at her phone.

"It's okay I love listening to you talk, I felt like I was there with you just by the way you talk," I smile and she grins.

"I have to use the washroom and I'm hungry but when I get back I want to hear all about you I've been talking all night."

"I'll get us some food and something to drink," I tell her as we both get up. I look around the party as I walk to the kitchen where the food is. I see a group of Ice Hounds with a group of cheerleaders. Owen is talking to Vanessa, Maya is sitting in the armchair, Adam is sitting on the arm but they aren't really talking. Drew and Bianca are talking to Dallas, Anya is flirting with Ice Hounds and the only people missing are Jeff Fitz and Clare. "Where's Jeff?" I ask Bianca when she comes to get a drink.

"He, Fitz and Clare disappeared over an hour ago and no one's seen them since. Why you want Jeff's permission to take his sister out?" Bianca teases.

"No, not really but maybe get his thoughts on it and ask him some questions about her. Should we be worried that Fitz, Clare and Jeff are gone together? Do Adam and Drew know?"

"No and I'm not telling them because they'll worry and Clare can take care of herself."

I smile and grab a couple plates of food and two pops before sitting down on the sofa with Samantha again. While we eat I tell her a little about me and my family, and the gang since they are family too.

"I know you're still kind of settling in but would you like to go out with me tomorrow night?"

"I would love to," Samantha grins and it makes me smile. Before I can start talking to her about the date we're all distracted by Drew whistling. It's a whistle that we use to get each other's attention it means we need something and everyone in the gang looks at Drew.

"Where is she?" He asks and we know he means Clare.

"If you mean Clare," J.T. speaks up, "I saw her go into the back with Fitz and Jeff about two hours ago and they haven't come out."

**(MAYA)**

"Whoa, are you trying to make me jealous by trying to attract all the male attention at the party?" Adam asks when he sees me come out of the washroom. I chose to wear black heels and a black mini skirt with a pink halter top for this party at Anya's.

"Adam don't be silly I dressed this way for you," I tell him but I am lying a little. Since the new hockey team arrived I've been more interested most of them than Adam. Adam is great, he's been a wonderful first boyfriend but he's not all boy, physically anyway, and he's safe and steady and predictable and I want someone that's not those things, I want some excitement.

"Are you two ready to go yet?" Drew calls for us.

Adam and I grab our jackets and leave his room before going out to the living room and following Bianca and Drew out to his car. Adam and I sit in the back and Drew drives us to Anya's. We seem to be among the first people here. Of course Jeff is here with Anya and Samantha, she's easy to spot because she looks a lot like Jeff only female and with long blonde hair instead of short blonde hair. Only a couple of Ice Hounds are here, Dallas and Bruce both of whom are too old and not attractive to me. The only other people here are Sav, Alli and Holly J.

"Hey guys, where's Clare?" Jeff inquires.

"She's coming with Fitz," Drew informs him just as the door opens again and Owen walks in with Johnny.

"Everyone this is my sister Samantha," Jeff introduces us, "these are two of Clare's brothers Adam and Drew. This is Drew's girlfriend Bianca, Adam's girlfriend Maya and their friends Johnny and Owen. Owen is on the team with me."

"Yeah I could tell by his jacket," Samantha comments.

"Johnny is going to U of T, if you get in you guys might see each other on campus," Jeff remarks. Samantha is already giving Johnny a flirty smile and this seems to be all the incentive they need to walk off and start their own conversation.

I follow Adam to get some food and we see Clare arrive with Fitz, she looks away from Jeff, then she and Fitz start talking with Owen. I stay with Adam until he starts talking with Holly J about something I have no interest in and I begin to wander the party. More Ice Hounds have arrived, seems like nearly all of them are here. I see J.T. he's hot and I walk over with a flirty smile on my face.

"Hi J.T. I'm Maya," I say interrupting the cheerleader that was talking to him and he looks over at me.

"Yeah Adam's girl right? He's in most of my classes, I've see you with him. Nice to meet you," J.T. says before looking back at the cheerleader.

Well he's not interested and I'm not dumb, I give up and walk away. I go back to the food to get some punch, Adam is still talking to Holly J, they're deep in conversation and he doesn't even seem to notice that I'm not standing there anymore. Johnny is still talking with Samantha and Owen is talking with Vanessa. Most of the Ice Hounds are flirting with puck bunnies. Drew is talking with Sav and Grace about some music thing, while Bianca is sitting next to Drew but talking with Anya.

"Not enjoying the party Maya?" Danny asks. He's on the team and the youngest one on the team, he's in grade nine with me. In fact, he's in three of my classes and he's pretty hot, not as hot as J.T. but he's hot.

"Not so much, I'd like to do something other than talk or listen to people talk," I respond with a mischievous grin. I look back at Adam who's still talking with Holly J and paying no attention to me so I take Danny's hand pulling him back to a bedroom, given the décor I'd say it's Jeff's room. "I'd rather kiss," I grin pushing Danny to the bed.

"What about your boyfriend?"

"He's busy talking," I reply.

Danny smiles putting his hands on my waist and our lips attach. He takes off his Ice Hound jacket while his tongue licks over my bottom lip coaxing my lips apart. I take off my jacket revealing my pink top and Danny slips that off over my head temporarily breaking us from the kiss. I'm not wearing a bra, not that I have breasts that really need a bra yet, but by Danny's carnal smile I don't think he cares. Before our lips reattach I take off Danny's t-shirt and our lips attach again. I deepen the kiss caressing his skin and he caresses mine, it doesn't take long for me to feel the bulge in his pants. I grin and reach down opening his jeans, I reach in under his boxers caressing his cock. Danny moans and it makes me smile, I break the kiss to pull his jeans open and tug them to his ankles with his boxers. It doesn't take very long for both of us to be naked. I open my legs and Danny goes in, it hurts a lot more than I thought it would but he's thrusting fast and I feel pleasure, a little anyway. Danny keeps thrusting, and kissing me, caressing my skin and after a while the pleasure begins to outweigh the pain. Just as I'm beginning to enjoy myself and feel the build to orgasm Danny climaxes with a grunt and then pulls out leaving me incredibly unsatisfied.

"That was much better than the party," Danny grins kissing me again before he gets up and starts getting his clothes. "I wonder if your boyfriend has noticed you missing yet?"

"He's probably still talking to Holly J," I reply sitting up to get my clothes and then I whimper when the motion causes some pain.

"You okay?" Danny asks handing me my skirt and panties.

"I'm really sore," I reply.

"Sorry that's my fault. Wait was that your first time?" Danny questions handing me more of my clothes.

"Yeah," I admit as I get dressed slowly.

"Shit why didn't you tell me?"

"Didn't want to," I shrug.

"You and Adam never…"

"Adam can't, he's trans."

"Oh so you wanted a real boy," Danny grins helping me get dressed.

"Adam is a real boy I wanted something exciting. You better leave first, I'll follow out in a few minutes after I'm dressed and you better not tell anyone about this," I comment.

"You mean you're not leaving Adam after that?"

"I'm not ready to break up with Adam, I still like Adam I just wanted some excitement. Adam is great but he's so steady it can get boring, now get out so I can finish getting dressed and don't tell anyone about this," I say again.

Danny leaves and I start getting dressed again, it takes a few minutes because I'm sore. In fact, it hurts to walk so I make it to the living room and sit in the arm chair. I sit there a few minutes before Adam comes over.

"Where'd you go?" Adam questions sitting on the arm of the chair.

"Washroom, I think I pulled a muscle my leg hurts can you get me some water?"

"Yeah sure," he nods and gets up and I see Danny looking at me and I smile.

**Will Adam find out Maya cheated? Where did Fitz, Jeff and Clare go? What will Jeff think about Johnny and Samantha? The answer to at least one of these questions will be in the update next Saturday.**


	42. Know They're Dark Returning

**Swirling Storm Inside is actually going up on Saturday but only because that's when I finished it. Actually it may have been up sooner but I got caught up in doing some plots. **

**Hopefully you've all seen the great big announcement where the calendars normally would be if you have not I advise that you read it please as it is an important announcement.**

**Thank you everyone and enjoy this very long chapter.**

**Ch. 42 Know They're Dark Returning**

**(FITZ)**

"We're headed to Jay's we'll see you guys tomorrow, be safe," Sean calls as he leaves with Emma.

"Say hi to Jay for us," I holler back getting a clean shirt on. Since Emma moved in we've always had clean laundry which is nice.

"We don't have to go to this party," Clare says sitting on my bed.

"I know you want to meet Samantha and everyone's going to be there. You're not trying to avoid the party so that you don't have to see Jeff are you?" I question Clare.

I admit I wasn't exactly pleased when I saw Jeff wearing an Ice Hounds jacket at our school, only because of his history with Clare and knowing she lost her virginity to him. I also know he has feelings for her and she, as much as she might try to deny it to me, has feelings for him. If I didn't know that she loved me I would really be worried but I do know that she's in love with me as I am with her. She had been acting a little funny since seeing Jeff at the school but I know she was shocked and I'm hoping that's it. It's that she's still acting funny and trying to avoid being around him that has me a little worried.

"No I'm not trying to avoid Jeff, but I didn't want you to be uncomfortable going to a party at his house," Clare replies pulling me onto the bed.

"Technically it's Anya's house but it doesn't matter our friends are all going to be there. So unless you have a specific reason we shouldn't go we're going," I assert giving her a tender kiss before I stand up and pull her with me.

We finish getting ready and get into my car, I drive us to the MacPherson house and park behind Owen. We get out and walk in, looks like most people are here. Adam and Maya are getting food; Johnny is on the sofa talking with a girl I'm assuming is Samantha. We take our coats off and set them with everyone's which are piled on a bench near the door, all the girls are hanging their purses so Clare hangs hers as well. Jeff is talking with Dallas, Clare looks at Jeff and then looks away quickly before pulling me over to Owen.

"I was wondering when you guys would get here," Owen comments.

"I hear your date went well last night," Clare says.

"Yeah it went great thanks to your advice," Owen grins at her.

"Good I'm glad," she smiles.

Owen tells us about his date before Craig calls him over and Owen leaves us to see what he wants. Clare waves to Drew and he nods to us, then she looks around the room before she pulls me into the back and into the first bedroom we come to. She closes the door and pushes me to the bed kidnapping my lips. Her tongue slides across my bottom lip requesting access but I break the kiss instead. I look at her and now I see the room, I know we're in Jeff's room and I wonder if Clare knew that or pulled me in here by coincidence.

"You are avoiding Jeff," I accuse.

"I am not," she retorts defensively.

"We've been at the party ten minutes and we've only talked to Owen, you looked at Jeff and then pulled me in here. Clare tell me what's going on?" I request and no sooner have the words left my lips than Jeff opens his door and comes into his room.

"Avoiding me at my party and making out in my room on my bed," Jeff scolds. His tone is light and teasing but it's laced with some hurt and almost a desperation.

"It's Samantha's party and she's busy talking to Johnny. I'm not avoiding you," Clare insists but she stands up and steps away from me slightly. So now she's standing between the two of us and she sees it, she pulls her lip into her teeth and looks down.

"You haven't been here ten minutes and you're making out in my bedroom."

"Told you," I comment to Clare and look at Jeff, "do you know why she's avoiding you?"

"She's…" Jeff is beginning to explain when Clare goes to the door and runs out. Jeff and I follow her but she ducks into the washroom before either of us can catch her. We wait silently for a moment but we don't hear any noises from the washroom. "Clare?" Jeff calls knocking on the door softly.

"Clare you have to talk to us," I call through the door when she doesn't respond but there's still silence.

"Dammit I think she went down the fire escape," Jeff says.

He runs into his room and I get out my wallet and the lock pick I keep in it to open the lock. I don't need both tools but it's one of those pinhole locks from this side so I need a thin wire to poke in and turn the lock. Just as I get the door open Jeff comes back, he's wearing his Ice Hounds jacket, he hands me his Ice Hounds hoodie since I still have a hoodie on and has another jacket in his hands that must be for Clare.

"Here it's freezing out there," he says.

"Thanks," I nod putting it on and following him out the window and down the fire escape. It doesn't take us long to catch up with her she has no coat and it's snowing and the fire escape is chilly and icy. We find her less than half a block away.

"Put this on before you freeze," Jeff tells her handing her the coat.

"Where did you think you were going?" I question her as she gets the coat on.

"I don't know out of there so I wasn't in the middle of you two," she replies.

"She ran because I was about to tell you we kissed," Jeff informs me. My heart pounds and sinks as a pit opens in my stomach, and yet I'm not surprised at all. I knew there was tension there, sexual tension that was obvious to everyone.

"You kissed me," Clare argues.

"No we kissed, you've been avoiding me and it's because of our feelings for each other. You love Fitz but you have feelings for me too you can't deny them."

"I never have but you just showed up without warning what were you expecting?" She counters but starts walking again so we follow her.

"I want to hear what you want," Jeff says.

"You mean who she wants," I correct.

"Yes," Jeff nods.

Clare keeps walking but remains silent, Jeff and I are on either side of her awaiting her answer. She doesn't say anything just chews her bottom lip and looks at her feet as she walks. We reach a park and she goes in, it's nighttime and snowing so the park is abandoned. Clare doesn't care she walks in and sits on the swing slowly pushing back and forth with her feet. Jeff and I sit on the swings on either side of her.

"Well?" Jeff and I both ask together after several minutes.

"Well I don't know!" She replies in a harsh tone as she hops out of the swing. "You know what I want? I want both of you. But unless you two can figure out a way to clone me so I can have both of you then that's not going to happen. Unless you want to do like Tris and his boyfriends and be in one relationship," Clare remarks.

"NO WAY," Jeff and I exclaim together.

"Then don't ask me choose. I'm in the middle of this and I don't want to be. I want you both, I can't have you both, I love you Mark you know I do but I have strong feelings for Jeff too, possibly even love him. Jeff cornered me and yes we kissed b…" Clare is arguing looking at me with pleading eyes when Jeff cuts her off.

"I cornered you because we needed to talk, you were avoiding me and we needed to talk. We could barely be in the same room without the tension getting so thick it was hard to breathe."

"That's true," I agree, "but you should have talked to me instead of kissing him."

"And told you what? Jeff is here now and I love you but I'm doubting our relationship?"

"If that was the truth then yes," I reply.

"You wanted to hear that?" She questions with a disbelieving tone.

"No I don't want to hear that but I don't want to be lied to either I knew something was going on. You didn't think you could hide your feelings for Jeff from me by being lustful with me every time you saw him."

"I…I don't know okay this is hard for me! I want you both, I can't have you both but you're both here. When Jeff was an hour away and we were just talking it was easier but now you're both here and you're expecting me to choose and either way one of us gets hurt. I don't want that. You have no idea how hard this is or how many emotions and thoughts about the three of us go through me every minute. What I want I can't have so what do you expect me to say? I'm with Mark and I love Mark but that doesn't change how I feel about you Jeff or that I want to be with you. I don't know what to do," Clare tells us in an aggravated voice throwing up her arms.

"You should break up with Fitz and be with me, give us a chance," Jeff asserts.

"Hey that's not your decision," I growl at him.

"I'm not questioning that she loves you but you heard her she loves me too and I think we should see where that love will take us, no offense."

"I do take offense you're trying to steal my girlfriend," I snarl grabbing him by the jacket and punching him hard.

He falls back but recovers quickly and tackles me to the ground. I've been DeGrassi's wrestling champion for the last two years and it takes me about two seconds to get the upper hand. I punch him again and he knees me in the ribs. I grab his leg and turn him over, getting him on his stomach and I get his arm behind him.

"She's my girlfriend she's not going to just break up with me because you suddenly live here. She may have lost her virginity to you but I've known her forever and we've got a deeper connection than you two ever will. Tell hi…Clare?" I question looking around the park but don't see her. I get off of Jeff and stand up, he stands up and looks around too.

"Where'd she go?"

"I have no idea but we need to find her," I reply.

"Maybe she went back to the party shouldn't we look there first?" Jeff asks.

"Do you really want to go back to a house with her brothers and friends and admit that we have no idea where Clare is?"

"Okay good point let's go find her. Just one thing before we go," Jeff says and then sucker punches me in the face hard. I stumble back a little but recover quickly, I can fight with Jeff later right now I need to find Clare.

We walk down the street towards Clare's house because I'm sure that she didn't return to the party. We weren't fighting that long she couldn't have gotten too far but we walk all the way to her house and don't see her. We go into her house but it's dark and she's not here.

"So where did she go?" Jeff asks.

"The ravine maybe," I shrug and we leave Clare's house but I grab the spare to Bianca's car and we take that so we can get around faster. I leave a note incase Bianca comes back. We drive to the ravine but she isn't there and no one has seen her. Before we get back in the car I call Sean thinking that she may have gone to Jay's since most everyone else is at the party at Jeff's.

"What's up bro?"

"Is Clare with you guys?" I question. He doesn't answer but I can hear him getting up and walking out of the room. I'm assuming so that Spinner doesn't hear him.

"You lost her?"

"No, not entirely but Jeff and I were fighting and she must have run off."

"Great. No she's not here but you'd better find her soon or I'm going to tell Spin."

"We're looking, I'll call you later," I reply hanging up. "She's not at Jay's I know a few more places we can look."

"Good because we've already looked everywhere I could think of," Jeff says getting back in the car.

We go to The Dot and Above the Dot but she isn't there. I try calling Lucas but he doesn't answer and I know he had a date with Mia tonight so I'm assuming they're occupied in his bed. Clare knows that they had a date too so I'm pretty sure she didn't go to his place. Jeff and I go to my place and when she's not there we spend about an hour driving around and hoping to see her.

"I think we have to go back to the party, we can't find her alone and there's a chance that she's back there," I tell Jeff.

"Yeah I guess you're right," Jeff sighs.

I drive us back to his place and park Bianca's car behind mine. We go inside and as soon as we walk inside everyone looks at us.

"Where's Clare?" Adam asks as he and Drew walk toward us.

"Well the three of us were talking and then the two of us were fighting and she must have run off," I admit and Drew goes red. He grabs us both and shoves us into the wall hard.

"YOU LOST MY SISTER!"

**(CLARE)**

"You should break up with Fitz and be with me, give us a chance," Jeff tells me somewhere between pleading and commanding.

"Hey that's not your decision," Mark growls and his fists clench.

"I'm not questioning that she loves you but you heard her she loves me too and I think we should see where that love will take us, no offense," Jeff argues of course it doesn't help anything.

"I do take offense you're trying to steal my girlfriend," Mark barks and then punches Jeff.

Jeff fights back tackling Mark to the ground. I have no desire to see them fight and I can't choose so I run. I turn and run without a destination in mind or any idea where I'm going. I run down the street and behind an apartment building, zigzagging through the alleys back here to be sure they won't find me. Stopping behind an apartment building to catch my breath I lean against the wall closing my eyes. What I want most in the world is what Tris has right now because the truth is I'm in love with two boys and I want so badly to be with them both. Of course in Tristan's case his boyfriends were already together and brought him in while Jeff, Mark and I are just a triangle. Worse than a triangle, a tug of war and I'm the rope, and I have a feeling I'm going to end up hanging with it.

I release a breath and keep walking again, I know eventually I'll have to see Jeff and Mark and they'll be waiting for an answer. Stay with Mark or be with Jeff? I can't make that decision I simply can't, I love them both and I want them both I just can't have them both. I don't really want to go anywhere they can find me because I don't want to see either of them right now. However, I should call Adam to let him know I'm okay and just need a bit of space, and a cloning machine, or the ability to make Mark and Jeff bisexual. Then I realize I left my purse at the party, along with my coat which is why Jeff gave me one of actually it must be Anya or Samantha's coat because it fits me and is a girl's coat. I'll have to try and find a payphone or maybe get to Lucas' place he lives fairly close, he's out with Mia tonight but I know where the spare key to his apartment is, he showed me so I'd have a place to go if I needed. Jay and Johnny did the same although I think they all did it at the insistence of my brothers.

The building I was hiding behind has a playground behind it and then an alley out to the street. It doesn't occur to me that this way might be more dangerous only that if I stay behind the buildings I have less of a chance of being found by Jeff or Mark. I'm entangled in my thoughts again, my heart so equally divided by two boys and a decision I can't make, so I'm not at all paying attention to the people in the playground until one of them speaks.

"And here I was thinking it was going to be so hard to get you alone somewhere."

The voice slithers into my ears and makes my skin crawl and my heart begins beating like a sledgehammer. My breath stolen by his presences and my fists clench yet my feet stop, petrified with fear but hoping that I'm hearing things and it's not him. Before I can turn around he steps in front of me and he's not alone.

"Reese," I spit out his name with a venomous tone. I want to punch him and kick him so hard in the nuts that he can taste his own balls, so why can't I move?

"Hello Baby Doll. I was just telling my boys that we'd spy on you and wait until you were alone and here you fall right into my lap," Reese grins.

"What the hell are you doing out of juvie after beating Mark? The judge gave you eighteen months you can't be here," I say almost as a command, as though saying it with enough conviction will make him disappear. I start to back up but get stopped by one of his cronies and he grabs my arms.

"You mean Fitzy boy? I got solitary for that but no extra time. I been an angel since then, had to go out so could I get you and Fitzy and all your friends. I know how your tightknit group works I hurt you I hurt all of them. Besides your mine and everyone should know that," Reese grins.

"But you can't be out yet, you were given eighteen months!" I exclaim beginning to feel trapped in a nightmare. Reese is supposed to be in juvie so how can this be real?

"Like I said I got out of solitary and became an angel. I did everything I could to get on the good list and prove that I'd turned my life around. I went to the chapel, did all the work duties, everything. Then just my luck a brand new social worker comes to juvie looking to make her name. I gave her my sob story about a bad home and being misunderstood and how I just wanted to get out and prove how I was a good person now. So she fixes me up with a work release program during the day and I went above and beyond, even the warden was impressed with me and thought that me beating Fitz and the time in solitary was a wakeup call. You know what all the time in solitary gave me? It gave me a lot of time to plan my revenge. After the work release program, they decided I was all reformed and juvie was getting overcrowded anyway, so a couple of days ago I'm released free and clear. Now you walk right into my hands, looks like everything is going my way," Reese smiles wickedly and steps forward.

"If you come near me I will make you bleed," I hiss at him.

"It's not nice to make threats Baby Doll. I can't wait to get you to a bed, when I'm done with you Fitz and your brothers won't even recognize you. You're mine, you should know that, Fitz should know that, your brothers and all their little friends should know that," Reese's vile grin gets wider, he steps forward grabbing my chin and forcing me into a kiss. I'm not about to let his lips and tongue tangle with mine and I bite down on his tongue and lip as hard as I can. "Agghh BITCH," Reese growls and back hands me and across the mouth. I bit hard enough to draw blood and he hit me hard enough to split my lip, I spit the mixture of blood from my mouth but laugh because he's holding his lip and he's bleeding quite a bit.

"I told you that you would bleed," I grin spitting more blood onto the sidewalk. Reese wipes his mouth, looking at me with menacing eyes, and steps forward. I spit out more blood and this time I spit it right into Reese's face and I laugh again.

"That was stupid Clare, let's get her inside so I can hurt her. First I'm going hog tie you and rape you and then I'm really going to make you hurt," Reese says but his words slur a bit because of the bite to his tongue and lip.

There is no fucking way I'm letting Reese kidnap me and violate me. There's four of them and one of me but I have three brothers, a bunch of friends that are like brothers and learned to cat fight from Paige and Bianca I can totally do this. I use the one that has my arms first, I lean back and jump up kicking my leg out and kick Reese in the face, now he's really bleeding! They're all kind of shocked and Reese is on the ground. I manage to get out of his arms and I punch him hard then knee him in the nuts so he goes down. And now there's only two, standing on either side of me, they're either very dumb or just shocked. Either way I grab them by their jackets and careen them into each other knocking their heads together. It's enough to stun them or make them dizzy or in pain, possibly all three but all I care about is that they aren't focused on me at all. I know that they won't be felled or distracted by my beatings for long so I take off running but Reese grabs my ankle as I run past him and I fall, not only landing hard on the pavement I hit the corner of the wooden sandbox barrier. It gets me right in the stomach, I feel dizzy and almost throw up.

"I'm going to rape you right here and then take you inside and cause you pain in every way I can think of you fucking bitch. You belong to me," Reese hisses with a slur in my ear.

Saltwater wells in my eyes and my heart is beating so fast and hard I can hear it through my chest. I can hardly move from this position and if one of his buddies recovers I'm done for. I begin to make peace with it, saying silent goodbyes to those I care about but then Reese unwittingly helps me by turning me over. I can move a lot better from this position and I'm not done fighting yet. I bring up my leg and kick Reese in the family jewels and while he's gasping from that I take a handful of sand and toss it at his face. He sits up and I kick his side then take off running again, as hard and as fast I can, anything is better than being in Reese's clutches. I'm breathing shallow, wheezing a little from the fall and still feel nauseas but I keep running, out to the street and toward Lucas' place which was my original destination. I look back to see if any of them are following me and sure enough Reese and the one that was holding me are up and running for me. I look ahead again just in time to run smack into someone, I start to fall back and he catches me. When I see his face all I can think is, _"Drew is right I am a magnet for trouble."_

"I know you, Baby Mason right?"

"Hi Nic," I reply looking back at Reese and try to run but Nic is still holding my arms. Nic went to Lakehurst and had a rivalry with Lucas, not that Nic got along with anyone well but he and Lucas hated each other and I never got the full story about why.

"Thanks we'll take her now," Reese says running over.

"I don't think so, I know all of her brothers and her friends and you ain't a one of them. Pretty sure she was running from you actually," Nic replies. Given his history with Lucas I'm surprised he isn't just giving me to Reese.

"She's my girlfriend it was just a little fight," Reese tries telling him.

"He your boyfriend?" Nic asks and I shake my head. "Where were you headed?" Nic questions.

"Lucas' place is close," I tell him.

Nic releases one of my arms is still holding my other arm, he turns with me and starts walking. I look over my shoulder at Reese but we don't continue down the street he takes me into a house. Pulling me into a party, we walk to a very big guy who has to be at least 6'3 and about 250 pounds Nic whispers something to him and the big guy comes out with us, which is when I realize he's there to keep Reese and his buddy from getting me. Nic and I start walking down the street again and I stop in front of Lucas' building.

"This is his building I'll be okay from here, thanks Nic."

He just shrugs and walks off and I'm not quite sure what to think of Nic helping me, at the moment though I only care that Reese is gone and I'm safe. I go into the building and upstairs to Lucas' apartment knocking on the door, I start shaking and I can't stop but I'm not cold. I hear a few noises but I can't tell if they're coming from Lucas' apartment or not. I knock again and there's no answer so I take the spare key from it's hiding place and unlock the door. I go in closing the door locking it behind me, now that I'm somewhere familiar and safe everything catches up with me and becomes overwhelming. I'm still trembling, I begin to cry and I feel like vomiting again. I also feel pain in my stomach but it almost isn't noticeable over all the other things I'm feeling.

"What the f…" I hear Lucas grumble as he comes out of the bedroom and I see that he's not even dressed. Something I would find far more enticing if I didn't feel so ill. "Clare what the hell happened?" He questions.

"Drew w…" I begin to say but then the world goes all wobbly and the floor comes up to meet me very fast.

**(DREW)**

"YOU LOST MY SISTER!" I yell at the two idiots that were vying for her attention and yet managed to lose her. "Tell me why I shouldn't just knock your damn heads together right now?" I growl at them.

"Drew find Clare now, kill them later," Adam says putting a hand on my shoulder so I'll calm down a bit.

"Fine," I grouse letting them go, "where did you two look?"

"We looked everywhere, your place, mine, Jay's, the ravine, The Dot, we drove around, we looked everywhere. We can't call her because she left her phone here," Fitz tells me.

"If she's hurt I'm going to kill you both," I snarl at them before releasing them and looking at Adam. "Where is she?"

"If I knew I would have told you, our twin thing is not two-way radio but sometimes we can hear each other's thoughts or feel what the other is feeling," Adam replies with some agitation in his tone. I can't tell if it's worry for Clare or just frustration.

"Okay we split up and get the word out. Owen take Dallas and…" I stop when I hear my phone ringing.

"Is it Clare?" Adam questions although if it had been Clare I'm sure she would have called him or Fitz not me.

"It's Lucas," I tell everyone before answering. "Hey Lucas, Clare is mi…"

"She's here," he informs me and I let out a relieved breath. "She just showed up, looks like she's been in a fight. She got through my door asked for you and passed out. I made her lie in my bed, Mia's with her but you should probably get over here."

"On our way," I reply and hang up. "She's at Lucas' Adam let's go," I command but Adam is already grabbing our coats.

"I'm coming with you," Fitz says.

"Me too," Jeff speaks up.

"No you're not, you two are why she ran in the first place and Lucas said it looks like she's been in a fight. You stay here and I might let you come and see her in the morning," I tell them through clenched teeth.

"But Drew she…" Fitz starts to argue.

"Go we'll keep an eye on them and meet you at home later," Bianca tells me.

I give her a passionate kiss, glare at the two morons that were fighting and let my sister run off, and then Adam and I leave. We get down to my car and I quickly drive us to Lucas' place. We're both silent, both wondering what happened to Clare when she ran off and who hurt her so we can hurt them. I park near Lucas' apartment and we run upstairs, Lucas opens the door after I bang on it and we run back to his bedroom, Clare is on the bed holding a towel with ice in it to a busted lip and has a wet washcloth on her head. Mia's sitting on the bed with her and she seems okay other than looking a bit pale but when Clare sees us she breaks down, bursting into tears and sitting up curling her knees to her chest. Adam and I go on either side of her and put an arm around her. She's shaking now, sobbing hard and she clings to me. It's the fact that she's clinging to me so tightly that has me the most worried.

She hasn't clung to me this way since Dad died, and before that not since we were little. She's cried on me before, wanted me to be close when she was upset but she doesn't cling to me. She clings to Adam like this, and probably Fitz, maybe even Jeff but not me or Spin. She's gripping my shirt like she's afraid to let go, there is not much that scares her so badly that she wants me to shield her and protect her, usually she hates it.

"It's okay you're safe, we've got you and I'm never letting you out of my sight again," I tell her and she pinches my side, guess she doesn't want me to be that protective. I hear her trying to control her crying but she can't seem to manage to. Since we're not going to get much from her right now I look at Lucas, "What the hell happened?"

"I told you she showed up, asked for you and passed out. I carried her to the bedroom, got dressed and called you. Mia was with her," Lucas says.

"She didn't talk much except to ask for the cops but I forgot to tell Lucas that while I was getting dressed. I wanted to get some ice and a cold compress for her," Mia enlightens us.

"Clare tell us what happened so we know who to kill. I know Jeff and Fitz didn't cause this," I remark. She takes a deep breath and wipes her tears so she can talk but she's still shaking.

"You were right I am a magnet for trouble," she whispers to me with tears streaming down her face again.

"Yes you are but what happened tonight? Who hurt you?" I ask her brushing the tears from her cheeks.

"Reese," she whispers and I tense up and then start to leap up but she grips me tighter. "Don't Drew, just call Turner, stay with me please," she begs in a whisper and I force myself to relax.

"Lucas can you call Officer Turner and figure out why the hell Reese is out of juvie so quickly?"

"Sure and then I'm going to find him and kill him," Lucas replies stepping out of the room with his cell phone.

"I don't feel so good," Clare says holding her hand to her mouth. I know that look so I grab the trashcan by Lucas' bedside and hold it for Clare just as she throws up in it. She starts to sweat a little, when she's done throwing up she groans and lies back a bit but still clings to me.

"I'll clean this up and get her some water," Mia says taking the trashcan.

"Thanks," I smile. I want some more details from Clare about what happened with Reese but she's not really in a condition to talk right now.

"Turner's on his way, should I call Spin?" Lucas asks.

"Not yet he's at Jay's we'll take her home after we talk to Turner," I reply.

While we wait for Turner we're pretty silent, Clare rolls on her side and curls up but won't let go of me. She's no longer sobbing but she's still pale and sweating a little. When Turner arrives Clare sits up so she can talk to him.

"Hi Clare, Lucas tells me you ran into Reese Delaney tonight can you tell me what happened?"

"He and three of his friends surprised me and Reese was telling me how he did everything he could to get out early to get his revenge. One of his friends was holding my arms. He was talking about how he was going to rape me and hurt me to get back at everyone and then Reese kissed me so I bit down hard on his lip and tongue," Clare tells us and I grin with pride for the way she fought back. "He was bleeding a lot but then he hit me," she says motioning to her busted lip and I stiffen up again tightening my arm around her without realizing it. "He was angry and talking about how he was going to take me inside to rape me and hogtie me," she says and I stiffen up even more. "I wasn't going to let that happen so I fought back, I kicked Reese and then the one holding me, and when he let go of me I knocked the heads of the other two together and I ran," Clare says and I grin again because she fought off four guys by herself and not many people could do that at all let alone a five foot-two, hundred-pound girl. "I ran but Reese grabbed me, I fell and thought I was done for, but then he turned me over and I was able to kick him. I threw sand in his eyes and ran again, I ran into Nic and surprisingly he helped me. He walked me to Lucas' building and kept Reese from getting me."

"Sounds like you handled yourself pretty well Clare," Turner says.

"She handled herself amazingly," I grin and Clare smiles, Adam and even Lucas are smiling at how she fought back.

"You can press charges for assault and attempted kidnapping. I'll get an APB out on Reese do you know the name of his friends?" Turner questions and Clare shakes her head. "Okay I'm going to take a picture of the bruise on your face and then I'll let your brothers take you home."

Turner snaps a couple pictures of the bruise on her cheek and her busted lip and then he leaves.

"Thanks Lucas sorry I interrupted your night," Clare says.

"Shut up Clare I'm just glad you're safe," Lucas replies kissing her forehead.

"Me too," Mia tells her and Clare smiles.

"We'll come by tomorrow," Lucas comments and I nod.

We go down to my car, Clare sits in back and I drive us home, she wants to shower when we get there so she goes into the washroom. Adam gets out his phone to text Maya and I call Bianca. I tell her that we're home and about Reese and everything. Bianca says she's coming home and she'll tell the others that Clare is okay and about Reese, and that she'll keep Fitz and Jeff from coming over. Just as I'm hanging up with Bianca Spin and Paige get home so Adam and I tell them everything that happened. We are just finishing telling them when Bianca gets home and Adam goes back to check on Clare.

"Clare is going to bed she says she's tired. I'm going to stay with her until she's asleep," Adam tells us.

"I'm going to go in and say hi to her, see how she is," Spinner tells us.

"I'll come with you," Paige says.

"I'm proud of you for not going out to kill Reese," Bianca comments when they all go back to Clare's room.

"Only because I was worried about Clare and she was gripping to me so tightly."

"How is she?"

"She fought off Reese and three of his friends by herself. I'm really proud of her."

"You should be," Bianca smiles.

Spinner and Paige return from Clare's room, the four of us sit in the living room and we watch TV for a while. Adam comes out of Clare's room and he takes a shower before going to bed. Spinner and Paige go to bed early but Spin opens tomorrow. Bianca and I get ready for bed a little after two. Bianca is in the washroom brushing her teeth and I hear noises coming from Clare's room so I go inside. Clare is thrashing in her bed and crying, she's obviously having a nightmare so I walk over to wake her up.

"No Reese get away from me," she whimpers and then sits bolt upright panting hard. She notices me and starts to move back I guess not seeing that it's me and not Reese in the dark.

"It's just me," I tell her sitting on the bed and then she breaks down. She starts to cry, her head on my chest and she holds me tightly again. "You're safe, Reese won't get to you ever again I'll kill him first."

"It won't matter I'm a magnet for trouble like you said," she sobs.

"Clare you fought off four guys on your own, you're definitely a magnet for trouble but you're strong and you can take care of yourself."

"I don't feel good, I think I'm going to throw up," she says.

I throw off her blanket and help her up so she can get to the washroom but she doesn't quite make it. She leans over and vomits on her floor. I turn on her lamp so we don't step in it and can clean it up. When I see Clare she's so pale she's nearly ghostly white, she's sweating and shaking slightly. What's worse is when I look at her vomit I see that it's mostly blood and I feel the breath leave my body with fear over why she's vomiting blood. Before I can react Clare groans again and I look at her, she's holding her hand to her head.

"Drew I don't feel good," she says in a rough, weak tone that's pleading for help. And then I watch in terror as her eyes roll back into her head and she drops back on her bed like a dead weight.

"Clare? Wake up," I assert feeling her cheeks and looking in her eyes.

"What's going on?" Bianca asks coming in.

"SPINNER ADAM!" I scream for my brothers while trying to wake my sister but she isn't moving. "B call an ambulance she won't wake up."

**How was that for a long chapter and a mean cliffhanger? Update soon will probably start from Johnny's pov earlier the same night at the party (yes I am that mean) and include Fitz and/or Jeff pov and I'll probably let you know what's happening with Clare.**


	43. I've Lost Her Now For Sure

**We've officially been through one full round of the new system. I hope everyone understands it now and while you're probably missing the frequency of chapters you used to get hopefully you are enjoying the length of the chapters now.**

**Guest reviewers please remember to check my profile page for responses within 2 days of leaving your review. About 90% of the time I do respond. Most especially if you are making a request, I am always open to requests but sometimes I have questions, responses or need clarification. So be sure to check the profile page for responses.**

**Ch. 43 I've Lost Her Now For Sure**

**(ADAM)**

"SPINNER ADAM!" I hear my brother scream for us and I leap out of bed. I run to Clare's room and then freeze in terror when I see Clare on her bed because she's pale and unconscious. Drew is trying to wake her up but he can't. Bianca's on the phone with 911 telling them that Clare passed out.

"What the hell happened?" Spinner asks rushing into the room followed closely by Paige.

"She was having a nightmare and I came in and woke her up. We talked for a moment and then she said she felt sick. I started to help her up and she just passed out she won't wake up," Drew tells us. I think it's hearing the fear in my brother's voice that frightens me most. Not much scares him but he sounds terrified.

I can't move, I'm just watching Clare and I'm worried I'm about to watch her die. Paige rushes to her side and so does Spinner but I stay frozen.

"Her pulse is extremely weak," Paige says with urgency and fear in her voice.

"The paramedics are on their way," Bianca tells us, "is she breathing?"

"Yes but not very well," Paige replies.

"Clare wake up, come on sis wake up," Drew commands.

"Check her eyes," Spinner orders but then pulls Drew out of the way so that he can do it.

I can hear sirens in the distance now and my heart begins to race. They aren't coming fast enough, the ambulance won't get here fast enough and my sister is going to die on her bed! Suddenly I can move, I run over in a few short steps and take my sister's hand.

"Clare wake up, you have to wake up," I command her urging her to open her eyes, to give us some sign that she'll be okay.

"I hear the ambulance I'll let them in," Bianca says running to the front door.

Suddenly Clare groans, a terrible morbid agonized sounding groan but it's a sign of life!

"Clare," I say to her desperately.

"I don't feel good," she complains and barely opens her eyes.

"Move out of the way please we need to get to her," the EMT orders as they come into the room.

I don't want to let go of her but I don't want to lose her either so I step back to let them work. They take her pulse and look in her eyes. Then quickly get her on the backboard.

"We need to get her to the hospital right now," an EMT tells us.

"Adam," Clare calls for me in a frightened voice that scares me.

"Can I ride in the ambulance?" I ask them and the EMT nods. I follow them out and get in the back with Clare and two of the EMTs.

"What happened?" One of the EMTs asks me while they check Clare's blood pressure.

"I'm not really sure I woke up when our older brother screamed for us and Clare was passed out on her bed," I reply.

"She's hypotensive, systolic is 85 and dropping, start her on O-neg and fluids," another EMT orders and I watch as they hook Clare to an IV to give her blood.

"Did she fall?" The EMT asks looking at her busted lip.

"No she was in a fight earlier tonight," I tell them just as Clare takes a sharp breath and her eyes roll back! "Clare!" I shriek.

"Clare look at me, stay with us we'll be at the hospital in a moment," the EMT closest to her head tells her as he looks in her eyes.

"Did she get hit in the stomach?" The EMT sitting near me questions and I have to think back to what Clare told us.

"Yeah she said she did," I tell him.

I hear the EMT driving telling the hospital our ETA is one minute. At the same time the EMT that's sitting closest to me and has been asking me most of the questions lifts the shirt Clare was sleeping in and I see her stomach is bruised pretty bad and it also looks wrong.

"Distended stomach, probable internal bleeding," the EMT calls up to the front and I can feel all the blood drain from my face when they say internal bleeding.

We get to the hospital and the EMT makes me get out and stand out of the way. They get Clare out and run her in and I follow behind. I hear them telling the doctors and nurses about Clare's vitals and then she's rushed down the hall. I try to follow her but a nurse catches me.

"The doctors need room to work are you a relative?"

"I'm her brother, her twin," I reply still watching the gurney be rolled down the hall.

"Okay the doctors need to look at her and then they'll come and talk to you. I'm going to take you the family waiting room," the nurse tells me.

"My brothers are on their way."

"I'll show them where to find you when they get here," the nurse assures me taking me back to the waiting room.

She takes me into the room and closes the door. I sink down in the chair, I feel like crying but I can't, I'm too worried to cry. It feels like I'm in the room for a long time before the door opens again and everyone comes in.

"They won't tell us anything," Spinner says sitting next to me. Paige sits next to him, Drew and Bianca sit across from us.

"In the ambulance they said she was bleeding internally and she passed out again," I inform everyone and watch as my brothers faces drain of blood at this knowledge.

"Why would she be bleeding in internally?" Spinner questions.

"The fight with Reese I guess, her stomach was all bruised up," I inform them and then the door opens.

"I'm Doctor Jasper your sister is being taken to surgery, she has some pretty severe internal bleeding. We believe the blunt trauma to her abdomen caused a tear or rupture of one or more of her internal organs. Right now we need to drain the blood so we can figure out where the bleeding is coming from and stop it. Are her parents on the way?"

"I'm her guardian our parents are dead," Spinner informs her.

"We'll need you to sign consent forms. There's always risk with surgery but because of her bleeding she has essentially no blood pressure. Because of this she's not stable but if we don't do the surgery she will die," the doctor tells us and I feel like I'm going to pass out.

The thought of losing my twin is like thinking I'm going to die. Losing Clare would be hard for all of us but she's my twin if she dies I lose a part of me. I grip Spinner's hand and a few tears fall my eyes, the only thing I can think about now is that my twin might die and what I'd do if I lost her.

"Just do whatever you have to do to save her life. I'll sign whatever you need me to," Spinner tells her.

"An administrative nurse will bring you the forms and someone will keep you updated on your sister's condition. She's in the operating room now and I have to get back to the ER but I promise you'll be well informed about Clare's progress and the surgery," the doctor tells us before leaving the room.

"We should call people they'll want to be here," Paige speaks up after a moment. "I'll call Emma, Owen and Jay," Paige comments getting out her phone.

"I'll call Lucas, Johnny and K.C.," Bianca says.

"She can't die," I whisper to no one and Spinner puts his arm around me.

A nurse comes back in and gives Spinner some forms which he fills out and signs. The nurse takes them and we're alone in the waiting room again. Paige and Bianca get off their phones and tell us that everyone is coming, it's the middle of the night but it doesn't matter one of us is in trouble and the rest of the group wants to be here. Within half an hour Owen, Johnny, Jay, Sean, Emma, Jenna, Maya, K.C., Lucas and even Mia are in the waiting room with us. I've been looking at my hands this whole time and didn't see them come in but I see them sitting around the room. Fitz sits with his brother, looking at his hands but I can see fear and shame on his face.

"What the hell happened? She was a little rattled when she came to my apartment but she didn't look sick. She did pass out but I didn't think that was serious she was pretty out of breath when she got to my place," Lucas says.

"We don't know she told me she was sick and then went pale and passed out. They said something about internal bleeding," Drew tells them.

We fall into silence waiting for someone to tell us how Clare's doing. I start to get impatient when it's been nearly an hour and no one's told us anything. So I leave the waiting room to find out what's going on.

"Adam where are you going?" Lucas asks following me out.

"To get some information, they said they'd keep us updated," I reply going to the nurse's station. "You told us that we'd be kept informed of my sister's condition but we haven't been told anything," I say with an irritated tone to the nurse.

"Clare Mason she was brought in by ambulance," Johnny adds.

"She's in surgery right now I'll see if I can get update for you," the nurse tells us.

He calls on a phone and asks for an update, when he hangs up I can tell by the look on his face that it's not good.

"She has a ruptured spleen and may need a splenectomy, she had some bleeding in her stomach and they're trying to find the source. She's in critical condition right now, they're busy trying to save her life that's why they haven't come to talk to you."

"What's a splenectomy?" I question.

"It would mean they have to remove her spleen," the nurse replies. I feel ill and weak when I hear this, I begin to feel woozy and the next thing I know Johnny is holding me and saying my name over and over.

"Adam, Adam, Adam."

"What?" I question sharply wondering why he's saying my name so much.

"Don't do that to me, you passed out I thought I was going to have to go tell your brothers you were now a patient in the hospital," Johnny says.

"Here drink this, you want a doctor to look at you?" The nurse asks and I shake my head as I take the cup of water.

"No I'm okay it's just you told us that she might lose her spleen and all my blood drained. Can she live without a spleen?"

"Yes she can with some precautions. Look you guys should go back to the waiting room and I'll get someone to come talk to you."

Johnny keeps an arm around me and we go back to the family waiting room. Everyone looks at us when we walk in and Drew can tell I don't feel well. He leaps up and helps me into a seat between him and Bianca.

"What's wrong?" Spinner questions.

"We tried to get an update on Clare Adam passed out when he heard that they might be removing Clare's spleen."

"Where's her spleen? What does it do? Why can't I remember anything from anatomy and biology right now?" Drew exclaims with some frustration.

"The nurse said someone would come explain things to us, I think he was pretty determined after watching Adam pass out," Johnny tells them and then a doctor comes in. A female doctor in maybe her forties with dark hair.

"I'm Doctor Cardillo I'm a trauma surgeon at the hospital. I'm not one of the doctors working on Clare I just finished with another surgery but Jason asked me to come talk to you about what's happening with her. I went into the OR and spoke with Doctor Mykos, Clare does have to have a splenectomy, that means they have to remove her spleen. She can live a long and normal life without a spleen with a few precautions. They are getting the bleeding under control and she will be in surgery for a few more hours. Clare also had a tear in her stomach which they are repairing but there is a risk of septicemia. When they've finished she'll be moved into ICU and then you'll be able to see her. She's young and strong and that all works in her favor but she did have some pretty serious trauma to her internal organs and with all surgeries there is risk of complication. I know this is frightening but I promise you the doctors are doing all that they can. If you have any questions or you need anything Jason is at the nursing desk and he'll take care of you."

Spinner nods a little but the rest of us are silent. When we don't say anything or ask any questions for a moment the doctor leaves the room. The only thing I can think is to wonder if my sister is even going to live.

While most of us sit in silence, probably all wondering if Clare's going to live or trying not to think about it, Fitz gets up. He begins pacing the room, slowly at first and then faster and faster and then his anger, or possibly his fear, explode and he makes a primal scream before punching his fist straight through the wall!

Sean leaps up to look at his brother's hand, and the hole in the wall. Emma and Owen also go over to look, Fitz doesn't seem to be in pain but his knuckles are a bit scraped up.

"I'm going to take him and get his hand looked at, and find out how we pay for the hole," Sean comments putting an arm around his brother. Emma and Owen leave the room with them and everything is silent again.

"Should we maybe call Jeff? He cares about her too I feel like he'd want to be here," Johnny remarks after several moments.

"It's barely four in the morning we can call him in a few hours and hopefully by then we'll know something," Paige replies.

"Shit I have to open the café," Spinner says.

"Call one of the other employees and ask them to open," Paige tells him once again being the voice of reason.

Spin gets out his phone and calls Karen asking her to open and explaining that Clare's in surgery right now. Karen must say she'll do it because Spin puts his phone away and we go silent again. The next sound that we hear is the door opening when Fitz, Sean and Emma come back.

"Owen went to see his brother he'll come back in a bit. They gave Fitz some ice but said nothing looked broken or even sprained and he's lucky, but if it starts to hurt or he has trouble moving his hand or wrist to let them know. And they'll bill me for the wall which Fitz can work off in the garage," Sean informs us.

Now we're silent again, the minutes tick by and melt into hours. Owen returns tells us that Tris was asleep of course and then he sits and we wait, and wait. A nurse does come in a couple of times to let us know Clare is alive and still in surgery. Then finally after several hours a doctor enters the room and it's obvious that he came straight from surgery.

"I'm Doctor Monge, Clare is being closed up and will be put into a room in the ICU. She'll be asleep for a several hours still but you can go in and see her if you'd like. The rupture to her spleen was not able to be closed and we had to remove her spleen. She can live a normal life without a spleen however because she's still young and in school she's going to need to begin a daily regimen of antibiotics. She'll also need vaccines while in the hospital, the spleen is a vital part of the immune system in fighting off infections, and Clare's case was further complicated because of a tear in her stomach leaving her at risk for septicemia due to the bacteria in the stomach. The risk of infection is greatest after surgery and she'll need to be in the hospital for several days. When Clare is set up in recovery someone will come get you but you will all need to wash your hands before you go inside and anyone with a cold should not go in so that she doesn't get sick."

"Thanks Doc," Spinner nods.

"It's almost nine we should call Jeff he'll want to be here," Johnny comments.

"I'll call him, I'm going to go down and tell Tris that Clare's in the hospital too," Owen remarks getting up.

Owen leaves the room and a few moments later a nurse comes in and tells us we can go in to see Clare now. We all file out of the room, no one is sick or feeling sick so we can all go in. Everyone washes their hands and gathers around the door to Clare's room. Spinner opens the door leading us in, Drew and I are right behind him. Paige and Bianca are behind us, Johnny, Lucas and Mia follow them in. Jenna and K.C. come in after Mia, Sean and Emma bring Fitz in between them and he looks worried but also sort of ashamed and the last one in the room is Maya.

I go immediately to my sister's bedside, sitting on it and taking her hand. Drew sits at the foot of the bed, Spinner sits in the chair near the head of her bed. I look at my twin and burst into tears because despite what the doctor said she looks dead. Clare's always had fair skin but now she's sort of grey and pallid despite the two units of blood that are going into her through the IV. Her eyes are closed she's on oxygen and a lot of IV fluids and I know the doctor said she'd be okay but all I can think about is her dying.

"She'll be okay Adam, the doctor said she'd be okay," Spinner tries to assure me putting a hand on my back.

I nod and I want to believe it but all I can think about is Clare dying, a vision of it is in my head and it won't leave. Maybe I'm the only one because I can feel her, I can feel how weak she is and how she's fading and trying to leave us. I squeeze her hand tight and continue to cry despite everyone's assurances that she's going to be okay.

"Jeff's on his way and Tris wants to come up and see her if he can," Owen tells us when he comes in the room. He looks at Clare and touches her foot before he wanders back and leans against the wall.

"You can't leave me," I whisper to Clare squeezing her hand and the tears of fear fall from my eyes and still all I can think is that I'm going to watch my sister die.

**(JOHNNY)**

We've been in Clare's hospital room for almost an hour and Adam has been crying the whole time. Completely inconsolable in spite of the doctor telling him she'd be fine. When the door opens I think that it's Jeff but instead Tris and Zane come in the room. I'm not sure when Zane got here but he's pushing Tris in a wheelchair, he's got an IV in and the IV pole attaches to the wheelchair.

"Hey everyone I came to have breakfast with Tris and he told me about Clare. The doctor said he could come up and see her and we washed our hands really thoroughly. How's Clare doing?" Zane asks and then in a softer voice adds, "How's Adam?"

"They had to remove Clare's spleen and she had a small tear in her stomach. The doctor told us that she'd be okay though, she'll have to stay in the hospital a few days and she'll need to take daily antibiotics and be careful about infections and stuff. Adam won't stop crying, we keep telling him that she'll be okay but he won't stop. They are twins though maybe he can feel something we can't," I tell them.

"Can you take me closer I can't see her," Tris requests.

"I got it," Owen says taking Tristan's wheelchair from Zane.

Owen pushes Tristan's wheelchair closer to Clare's bedside and the door opens again this time it is Jeff and he rushes in. He sees Clare and goes white I almost think he's going to pass out but he walks to the side of Clare's bed around Tristan's wheelchair. As soon as Jeff moves to Clare's bedside Fitz moves to the other side right between Drew and Adam. When Fitz touches her leg in a loving tender fashion Jeff does the same with her arm, the boys sort of glare at each other and that's when Drew loses it.

"No you two out," Drew commands standing up and taking Fitz's arm. He reaches over grabbing Jeff by the jacket and Owen helps by moving Jeff back around Tristan's wheelchair.

"No I'm not leaving her, I want to be here with her. She's my girlfriend I love her," Fitz asserts trying to move back to Clare's bedside.

"I love her too," Jeff insists trying to get out of Owen's grasp.

"I know but you two fighting over her is the reason she ran off in the first place. If you hadn't been fighting she wouldn't have run off and had to fight and get away from Reese and his cronies and she wouldn't even be here right now. You're fighting over her still. You cannot both be in the room with her at the same time and right now you both need to leave it's not helping. All I care about right now is my sister getting better and making sure Adam doesn't lose it being with her and watching her like this. I can't deal with you both right now or with you fighting over her. Out I'll deal with you both later," Drew orders.

"Come on Jeff," I say taking him from Owen.

"Let's go home and eat some breakfast we'll come back later," Sean says to his brother taking him from Drew.

Both boys reluctantly leave, being dragged out by us. When we get to the hallway Jeff and Fitz exchange a look. It's a strange look of resentfulness and dislike yet an understanding and almost apologetic with a lot of shame.

"Samantha dropped me off, I thought I'd be here for a couple hours at least," Jeff comments when we're out at the parking lot.

"Let's get some breakfast and I'll take you home," I tell him. Jeff nods and follows me to my car. I drive us to a diner that's a couple blocks away and we're seated in a booth. "Don't take it personal, Drew's protective and when they lost their dad last year he got more protective. All they're worried about right now is Clare and if something happened to her it would devastate them all," I tell Jeff.

"Morning can I get you boys some coffee or something else to drink?" A waitress questions coming over before Jeff can answer.

"Yeah coffee," I reply to the waitress and Jeff nods.

"I know all that," Jeff says when the waitress walks away, "about her protective brothers and them being so close. I'm not taking it personal, well not much anyway, but Drew's right it's our fault."

"No it isn't, not entirely. You had no way of knowing that she'd manage to run into Reese we all thought he was still in juvie. If she hadn't crossed paths with Reese she would have run for a few blocks, gathered her thoughts and gone to Lucas' place or home or Jay's. Clare knows she can go to any one of us at any time. When she got somewhere safe she would have called her brothers to tell them she was okay and by morning she would have been talking to you and Fitz again. What you and Fitz have responsibility for is fighting, not just competing but physically fighting for her affections," I scold him lightly. The waitress has brought our coffee and we mix it up the way we like.

"I know it was stupid I can't think when it comes to that girl. Like not telling her that I made the team and was moving to Toronto and kissing her at the hospital even though she's dating Fitz. I found them in my room and making out on my bed and I confronted her about her feelings for me. I just really want her to be with me, no offense to Fitz but I want to be with her and it's not fair to anyone if she doesn't give us a chance. I was really determined to convince her of that last night," Jeff says with remorse seeped into his voice. The waitress comes back and asks what we want to eat, we order and I look back at Jeff.

"I wish I could say that I understand but I really don't. Clare's sort of like a sister to me, okay not quite like a sister because I do think Clare is hot, not enough to fight Fitz for her though. Our whole gang is really close we're like family. Actually I've never been crazy enough about any girl to want to fight for her. Obviously you feel very strongly for her, strongly enough to fight with Fitz which is not something many people are brave enough to do. I know you have strong feelings for Clare but so does Fitz and you have to understand he's been crazy about her for forever. Sean and Spin went to school together and Clare and Fitz have known each other since they were toddlers. She knows Fitz better, he's done a lot for her and it's not going to be easy for her to break up with him even to be with you. She also hates being pushed to do anything, she'll either do the opposite or she'll act out. If you want your chance with Clare then don't come at her full force or try convince her, essentially command her, to be with you. Be around for her, talk with her like you guys have been, remind her of your feelings and hers for you through action not words and don't fight with Fitz, don't provoke him that won't help anything."

"Good advice, I'll follow it thanks," Jeff smiles just as our food comes. "You know Sam couldn't stop talking about you after left last night. And I noticed that you two spent all night on the sofa together," Jeff comments as we begin eating.

"We spent the whole time talking, we just connected I've never spent all night talking with just one girl," I grin thinking about Samantha.

"Yeah that's how I feel about Clare, although we did not start out by talking. Samantha's only had a couple of boyfriends and neither relationship ended very well so be good to her."

"I will," I assure him and he grins.

While we eat I ask him some questions about Samantha. When the bill comes Jeff insists on paying for breakfast telling me it's a fair trade off for the advice I gave him. Then we get back in the car and I drive him home.

"You want to come in? Looks like Samantha is back," Jeff says.

"Yeah thanks," I grin. We get out of the car and I follow him inside.

"I'm back, Johnny brought me home," Jeff calls into the house. Samantha and Anya come out of their bedroom.

"Hey Johnny how's Clare?" Anya questions.

"Hi Johnny," Samantha smiles before looking at her brother, "I could have picked you up."

"It's okay I kind of got kicked out by Drew and Johnny offered to bring me home. Um I'm going to take shower," Jeff comments before going down the hall.

"How's Clare? Jeff said her spleen was removed?" Sam asks.

"Yeah I guess Reese hit her in the stomach pretty hard or she fell and it caused a rupture. They said she'd be okay but Adam was pretty upset. They're twins though I can't even imagine having a twin and having to watch them in the hospital. She'll be fine, the doctors said she would and she's young and strong and stubborn as all hell. Uh look I have some time, I hate sitting around at the hospital and if anything changes with Clare one of them will call me. Do you want to go do something? I mean I could show you around if you have some time?" I offer and Samantha smiles.

"I think that's a great idea you two should go out and have some fun I'll tell Jeff," Anya replies.

"Let me just get my shoes, jacket and purse," Samantha smiles.

**(LUCAS)**

Mia puts her head on my shoulder and I think she's falling asleep. I look at her and look at the time and realize we've been at the hospital for over twelve hours now and Clare is still unconscious. Every time the doctors come back in they tell us the same thing; she's weak but stable, although they keep giving her blood and other IVs. Still if there was something to worry about they would have told Spinner and he would have told us. Fitz, Sean and Emma came back a couple of hours ago but they only stayed about an hour, Fitz was worried and couldn't even look at Adam. Emma thought it best that they go home and come back when Clare was awake.

"I need to get Mia some food and get her home and I should probably get some sleep before I work tonight. If anything changes at all then call me right away," I insist.

"Yeah we will, she'll probably just sleep through to tomorrow anyway," Spinner comments.

"I'll come and check on Clare, and whoever stays with her tonight, on my lunch," I tell them getting up and helping Mia up. We go over to Clare's bedside and lightly touch her leg. "Get better Clare," I whisper to her. Bianca and Paige wave to us but Owen gets up too.

"I'm going to go see Tris and then go home for a bit myself but I'll be back in a couple of hours," Owen says waving to them. Jenna and K.C. left with Emma, Fitz and Sean earlier, because Jenna was tired and wanted to go home to rest. Maya had decided to go with them, there really wasn't anything she could do for Adam and he was so focused on Clare I doubted he even knew we were in the room. Shortly after that Zane had taken Tris back to his room. I stayed though I was hoping Clare would wake up and Mia stayed with me.

Owen walks a little ways with us and waves to us before he goes to Tristan's room. Mia and I go out to my car and I take us for some lunch. Over lunch we avoid talking about Clare mostly because we just don't want to think about the hospital or what happened to Clare. I do feel partially responsible after all she came to my apartment and she passed out, maybe we should have called 911 instead of calling Drew.

"Jenna's birthday is next week, there's going to be a party at Above the Dot if you want to go with me," I tell Mia as we eat.

"Of course," Mia smiles.

"Great, you're still coming with me to Owen's first game on Friday?"

"Absolutely," she grins and I smile. We finish eating and I pay the bill and we go out to my car.

"If you're just going to sleep maybe I can come back to your place with you. I'd just be getting sleep myself and I don't really want to go back to my dorm room," Mia tells me as I begin driving.

"Sounds good to me, I always sleep better with you in my bed anyway. Maybe having you there will keep me from thinking about Clare, I feel a little responsible."

"I know me too. I always sleep better with you in your bed too," Mia says and I grin.

"Yeah? Maybe you should move in," I remark.

"Lucas," she laughs, "we've only been dating two and half months."

"So I'm crazy about you. I love you more anything and I'd love to have you living with me," I assert.

"You really love me?" Mia asks.

"More than anything," I tell her.

"I love you too," Mia grins taking my hand and interlacing our fingers.

I grin wider and bigger than I have in my entire life and kiss the back of her hand. I park at my building and we go up to my apartment. We shed our coats and shoes in the living room and then go to my bedroom. We undress and get in my bed, I wrap her in my arms and hold her close falling asleep happy and thinking how very lucky I am to have this amazing girl. We only get about three and half hours of sleep before my alarm goes off and Mia groans.

"I have to get ready for work but you can stay here and sleep if you want," I tell Mia as I very reluctantly let go of her and get out of bed.

"Yes I'd like to stay here and sleep if that's okay I am still very tired," Mia yawns.

"Of course," I smile kissing her softly before I start getting ready for work.

I grab my clothes and get ready in the washroom. I kiss Mia again before leaving for work. It's pretty quiet tonight and I get one of the others to cover my area so I can go back to the hospital for lunch. We're not supposed to leave for lunch we usually just eat in the office or our cars in our areas but after telling my boss about Clare he okays it as long as someone covers my area. It's almost one in the morning when I get to the hospital but I have no trouble walking in and straight to Clare's room. The only one in here at this hour is Adam, in the same place we left him ten hours ago, he's not crying any longer but he hasn't moved.

"Have you slept or even eaten?" I ask Adam as I close the door and he just shakes his head. "Adam you need to sleep, at least eat something," I tell him.

"I'm not hungry or tired I need to be with her," Adam replies.

"Where's Spinner and Drew?"

"The doctor told them to go home and get some sleep, Paige and Bianca forced them to leave to go home and get some sleep. They tried to make me go too but I won't leave her."

"Adam the doctor said she'd be okay a…"

"I don't care what the doctor said," Adam snaps and then takes a breath. "I can feel her they can't. I feel her slipping, like she wants to leave. She talked about feeling like she shouldn't be here and I feel her getting weaker. They keep telling me that the surgery was exhausting and she'll wake up soon but they can't feel her like I can."

"I know you're worried Adam but…" I stop talking and look at Clare's heart monitor as the beeps begin to slow down and then it suddenly flatlines and an alarm sounds!

"CLARE!" Adam screams.

"We need help in here," I call down the hall but they're already running this way.

"She's coding move out of the way we need to shock her," a nurse says pulling Adam from the bedside.

"Clare no you can't leave me," Adam sobs turning into me as the doctors try to shock his sister back to life.

All I can do is hold Adam and watch in horror hoping that Clare survives this.

**Yes yes I know a terrible cliffhanger to leave you on. It won't be that long until the update and it will pick up from here. **


	44. Say a Prayer and Make it Simple

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**The first 50 pictures for the 200 stories gallery are up on the DeGrassi Saviors website and the next 10 will be up Saturday.**

**Ch. 44 Say a Prayer and Make it Simple**

**(SPINNER)**

"Adam?" I ask groggily as I answer my phone. It's the middle of the night and I wasn't completely sure it was my baby brother's name I saw on my phone.

"She flatlined," Adam tells me through a torrent of tears.

"What?" I exclaim hopping out of bed.

"Spin what is it? Is it Clare?" Paige asks waking up.

"Is she…"

"I don…" Adam is trying to talk but he's so upset he can hardly breathe.

"It's Lucas, they're shocking her right now, she just suddenly flatlined."

"We're coming just stay with Adam," I tell him as I try to get my jeans on while holding the phone to my ear with my shoulder.

"I'm not going anywhere," Lucas assures me.

We hang up and I throw my phone on the bed. Paige is already up and has pulled on sweats and a t-shirt.

"Can you get Drew and Bianca up while I finish getting dressed?" I ask her.

"Yeah," Paige nods running out of the room. I hear her knock on Drew's door and tell them and she runs back to the room. "They'll be ready in a minute," Paige tells me and gets her shoes on. "What happened with Clare?" Paige asks grabbing her purse.

"She flatlined, Lucas says they're shocking her now."

"Oh no," Paige exhales.

"Oh no what? What the hell happened with Clare?" Drew asks coming to the doorway with Bianca. Both of them threw on sweats and flip-flops.

"She flatlined let's go," I reply grabbing my keys.

"Shit," Drew exhales and he goes pale.

We all run out to the car and get in, I drive as fast as I can to the hospital. We park and run in straight to Clare's room. Adam and Lucas are both in the room, Adam is sitting on Clare's bed crying but Clare is not in the room.

"Where's Clare?" I ask Lucas while Drew and Paige go to Adam and hug him tightly.

"When they got her heart beating again they said she had low blood pressure and took her for an MRI. They suspected internal bleeding," Lucas tells me and I feel my own heart start pounding and sink into my stomach.

"From the surgery? Did they do something when they took her spleen?"

"They think something could have been missed while they were concentrating on her splenectomy. Honestly they didn't really give us many answers, when she flatlined they rushed us out of the room. They shocked her four times before getting her back. All they would tell us was that her blood pressure was so low they suspected internal bleeding," Lucas informs us.

"I know it's late but we should call everyone they'll want to know that she's in such critical condition and…" Paige's words trail off before she says Clare's heart stopped.

"I'll help you call people," Lucas says.

"Yeah me too," Bianca speaks up.

Bianca hugs Adam tightly and kisses Drew's cheek before the three of them leave to call people. Now it's just me and my brothers in our sister's empty hospital room. Waiting for her to be returned or at least some news. Clare is not the next one in the room but a doctor does come in.

"Is she alive?" Drew asks barely able to get the words to come from his lips.

"Yes, she is but she's very weak. Her injuries were more severe than first suspected. She had a small tear in her large intestine, the doctor says showing us an image on a tablet of a scan they took of Clare. "Because of the bacteria and fluids that came through the tear she's gone septic. Additionally, she had a small tear in the splenic vein, likely a result of the trauma she suffered to the abdomen. This vein returns blood from the spleen, stomach and pancreas to the heart but because of the tear most of it was pooling in her stomach, her blood pressure dropped to a point that her heart could not properly pump. We're rather lucky that she had that tear or the tear in her intestine may not have been discovered in time and she would have died from septic shock. She's in surgery now, two surgeons working together but it's delicate surgery and her body has already been through a lot."

"What are you telling us Doc?" I question swallowing hard because in the pit of my stomach I already know.

"She may not survive the surgery," he tells us and I feel my heart clench up and my soul freeze. I turn pale, Drew turns pale but Adam…our kid brother looks like he's already died with her. "You need to know the severity of the situation but don't give up hope, she's young and we caught it early that's working in her favor. I have to make rounds and check on other patients but myself or our chief nurse will check on Clare's progress and keep you updated," the doctor tells us.

I want to nod and say thank you but I can't. I'm frozen, petrified by the thought of losing my baby sister and to something so mundane in a way. She ran into Reese and had some blunt trauma to her abdomen, it's not as though he stabbed her or shot her and yet it was like a grain of sand cascading into an avalanche. She was shaken after it happened but we never guessed what was happening in her body. Never guessed a fall and getting hit in the stomach could kill her. She seemed okay, shaken and slightly bruised but otherwise okay and now she's fighting for her life for the second time in 24 hours. Reese had better hope that the cops find him first because if we find him first I will kill him in the slowest and most painful way possible.

"I need to see her, to be with her, she can't die," Adam pleads with eyes full of tears. Hearing the heartbroken pleas of my brother snaps me out of my petrified state. I'm the oldest and as terrified as I am, as sick and as worried as I feel I need to be strong for my brothers.

"I know Adam," I say putting an arm around each of my brothers, "but we can't. Not right now they're taking care of her. She'll come through this, she's strong we've taught her to be strong. We'll be with her as soon as she's out of surgery."

"Johnny's on his way, he'll stop to pick up Maya, Jenna and K.C. on the way," Paige says as she comes back in.

"Owen and Jay both said they're on their way," Bianca tells us.

"Sean and Emma are coming with Fitz and Jeff is on his way. I told Jeff if he and Fitz couldn't be calm and just be here for Clare and the rest of us they'd be kicked out," Lucas tells us and I nod.

I tell them what the doctor told us and Adam breaks down. He's sobbing, sitting curled up on her bed with his arms wrapped around his legs, his head down on his knees as he sobs silently. Drew and I sit on either side holding him, doing our best to comfort our brother when we all have the same fear that we'll never see our sister again.

"Have they told you anything?" Paige asks after a few moments of silence.

"Yeah," I nod clearing my throat when the word barely comes out. "Yeah they said she had a tear in here intestine and a vein and that's why her heart stopped. The tear in her intestine caused her to go septic. They told us it was a delicate surgery and she may not survive," when I tell them this Adam starts crying harder.

Drew and I are hugging Adam, Bianca is holding Drew, Paige is holding me. Lucas is standing in front of Drew with a hand on Adam's arm. We're all silent other than sobbing while we wait for more of our friends, our family, to arrive and be here for Clare. Or waiting to hear any news on Clare.

"She's going to be just fine," Lucas assures us after a few minutes, "Clare is too stubborn to die."

I want to believe him but after talking to the doctor I'm just not sure. Time almost seems to stand still in a way, feeling like we were there alone for moments and yet an eternity before more people show up. Jay is first he comes in without a word and just comes over to hug us, his big arms almost able to get around all of us. Next in is Owen, he sees us and sits on the bed near Adam so that Adam knows he's here.

"Any news?" Owen asks quietly. Lucas repeats for him what we have heard from the doctor. "She'll make it Adam she has to," Owen tries to comfort him and all of us. I don't know that anything will comfort Adam until he can be with his twin again.

"Where is she? What did they say?" Fitz asks in a terrified tone as he rushes into the room followed by Sean and Emma.

"She's in surgery," Owen tells him but before we can tell him what the doctor said Johnny, Maya, K.C. and Jenna come in. While they're still hugging us Jeff rushes in along with Samantha and Anya.

"Have they told you anything?" Jeff questions he looks and sounds just as worried as Fitz did when he came in.

Owen repeats to all of them what the doctor told us and we wait again. The room becomes silent, people eventually begin to move away from the bed and find somewhere to sit in the room. Even Adam eventually runs out of tears to cry but stays curled into a ball on Clare's hospital bed, Drew and I stay sitting with him on the bed. I'm worried about Clare and Adam both, losing Clare will devastate us all but if Adam loses his twin, the person closest to him in the world, I'm not sure that he'll ever recover. A nurse comes in every half hour to tell us Clare's still in surgery. Then finally a doctor comes in and all of us, including Adam, look up at the doctor.

"Hi I'm Doctor Elizabeth Jones, Clare is being closed up and will be brought back when she's out. She came through the surgery very well but she still has a long way to go and she's still in critical condition. We were able to close both the tear in her intestine and her splenic vein. She's going to be on heavy anti-biotics due to the intestinal fluid, blood and other bacteria that came through the intestinal tear. In order for her body to heal and the anti-biotics to do their job, especially after her splenectomy, we're going to keep her in a medically induced coma for a minimum of 48 hours. Right now all we can do is wait and keep her under observation, hope that her young body does its job and helps her heal."

"Thanks Doc," I nod slowly and she leaves.

It's a relief that she's alive and came through the surgery but I'm still worried that Clare won't make it. Probably the hardest thing is feeling so helpless, I can't do anything to help Clare other than being here and I can't help Adam other than to hug him and try to assure him that Clare will make it. But I don't know that she will and I can't promise Adam that. As the oldest brother, and having raised my siblings even when Dad was alive I was helping him raise them, this helpless feeling is awful.

Knowing that Clare will be brought back to the room soon we move off her bed. A few minutes later an orderly and a nurse come in and start preparing the room for Clare's return. They finish and leave the room and it feels like a very long time before Clare is brought into the room. She's hardly visible through all the wires, IV bags and the tube down her throat breathing for her. It takes them several minutes to move her back to the bed with all the wires and everything, they have to move it all with her and it takes four people to get her onto the bed. Then they make some other adjustments before leaving, just as they finish a nurse comes in with yet more bags for her IV including one of blood.

When the nurse leaves we all gather around Clare's bed. Adam sits as close to her as he can get and takes her hand. Drew sits behind Adam and I sit on the other side, Paige behind me and Bianca behind Drew. Jeff and Fitz both go to the foot of her bed and they both look ill when they get a good look at her. Sean stands near his brother and Samantha next to her brother. Everyone else is nearby, huddled around at least to look at her and then most take a seat somewhere in the back of the room. I know they're here and I hope that Clare knows they're here and feels how loved she is and that it helps her heal.

For a while we sit there in silence, everyone lost in their own thoughts and most of us watching Clare. Watching for a sign of life or hoping we don't watch her die. The first person in the room to move is Fitz, from the corner of my eye I see him storming to the door.

"Where are you going?" Sean asks his brother.

"To find Reese and rip his intestines out," Fitz growls.

"No you're not," Sean insists grabbing his brother by the hoodie.

"I am going to find him not the cops," Fitz snarls pushing his brother away.

"Fitz you c…"

"Clare might die and I'm going to kill Reese for putting her in here a…"

"Stop," Adam snaps cutting them off and we all look at him. "Fitz come here, talk to Clare again," Adam insists.

Fitz is still stiff and he sort of glances out of the hospital room like he still intends to run and hunt down Reese. Then he looks at Clare and he relaxes just slightly, he walks over near her head and I move a little so he can get in.

"What do I say?" Fitz asks.

"It doesn't matter, tell her how you feel, how you love her," Adam replies.

"I love you Clare, more than anything" Fitz tells her.

"We're all here Clare, we all love you, we're all here," Adam says squeezing her hand a little tighter.

"Adam she's in coma I don't think she can hear us," I tell him because he seems to be getting hopeful and I don't want him to have false hope. We still don't know that she'll live.

"No watch her heart monitor when we talk to her. Clare I love you, I'm here we're all here you need to come back to us," Adam urges her. When he talks to her I watch her heart monitor and when Adam is talking directly to her I see her heart rate increase a little, when he stops it slows down again.

Everyone in the room seems to notice as everyone begins talking to her at once. So many voices and words it's hard to even hear myself. Clare must be having trouble too because her heart begins to race so much it must set off an alarm as a nurse rushes in.

"What is going on?" She questions and we all quiet down.

"We noticed that when we talked to her that her heart rate increases we think that means she can hear us," I explain.

"Yes I'm sure she can hear you it's been proven even in coma patients, as long as she's not brain dead she can hear you. It's good for you talk to her, but please one at a time," the nurse tells us while looking at Clare's equipment.

"We'll take turns," I assure the nurse.

"Just remember this is a medically induced coma so that she can heal and she needs to rest," she tells us making a few notes in Clare's chart outside the door. We nod and she closes the door to the room again.

"Adam you talk to her first and we'll go clockwise around the room," I tell him.

We spend the next few hours taking turns talking to Clare. At six the doctor tells us that she needs her rest and asks that only family be in the room. I think she insists on only family because she knows my brothers and I aren't leaving.

"I know it's going to be hard but the rest of us should go to school and work. We can't just stop our lives and I'm sure that Clare doesn't want us to. If anything happens I know Spin will call us," Emma says.

"Yeah we will, we'll be in touch with you guys throughout the day," I assure them.

One by one they come over to say their goodbyes to Clare and everyone assures her that they'll be back later. Fitz and Jeff are the last ones out, each not wanting to leave before the other and each kissing Clare's forehead before they are pulled out by their siblings.

"Do you want me to stay? I am family now I'm sure they'll understand at work," Paige offers.

"You've always been family," I smile before kissing my wife, "but no you should go to work. She's in a coma we just need to be here with her."

"I know, I'll come here after work, call me if you boys need anything," Paige says. She kisses Clare's forehead, and Bianca kisses Drew then they leave.

I look at my brothers surrounding my sister in her hospital bed. Hoping, praying that Clare continues to get stronger and that nothing else goes wrong and threatens her health.

**(MAYA)**

"I can give you guys a ride to school my first class isn't until eleven," Johnny tells us when he takes us home.

"Thanks it doesn't start for a couple hours though," K.C. comments.

"Okay so get ready for school and we'll go get some breakfast," Johnny replies.

"Sounds good I'm actually pretty hungry," Jenna says.

We go back to our rooms and get ready for school, we let Mom know we're home and leaving again with Johnny but she's half asleep after a night shift. Johnny takes us to a diner near the school to get breakfast, we do eat but we don't really talk. K.C. seems to be mostly worried about Jenna and the baby. By the look in Johnny's eyes I'm sure he's thinking about Samantha, and I'm trying to just not think. After breakfast Johnny drives us to school, we wave to Johnny and walk inside. Jenna says she's tired and sits down on the steps just inside, K.C. of course sits with her and I walk to my locker.

"Hey Maya," Danny grins leaning on the locker next to mine. He grins at me and I have to admit the grin sends a thrill through me, I remember the night of the party and feel a tingle between my legs. And then remembering the night of the party I remember that my boyfriend is in the hospital right now with his critically ill twin and I feel sick with guilt.

"You can't talk to me at school," I scold Danny looking in my locker.

"Maya we have three classes together no one will be suspicious of us talking," Danny laughs, "and you can't tell me that you didn't have fun Saturday night."

"Yes I did but you know what else happened Saturday night? Clare ran into an ex-boyfriend and now she's in the hospital," I inform him.

"That sucks, who's Clare?"

"Clare as in Adam's sister, Adam as in my boyfriend," I remind him.

"After what we did Saturday night how can you still be with that trans?"

"Don't call him that Adam is a boy."

"Apparently he's not enough of a man to satisfy your needs," Danny comments brushing my hair back with his fingers. I shiver slightly at his touch yet it sends a carnal wave through my body and memories of Saturday night flood back.

"What happened Saturday night was…it was great but I'm still with Adam and I'm not breaking up with him while his sister is in the hospital fighting for her life. Just leave me alone and pretend Saturday night didn't happen," I assert.

Danny just grins and leans down close to my ear, "Not a chance."

He saunters off and I close my locker, I wish I could just stop thinking all together. Saturday night was great until Clare went missing and then we found out she was in the hospital. Now whenever I think about Saturday night I think about that and I feel guilty. At least I'm somewhat distracted by seeing Owen and Zane walk in.

"Welcome back Zane."

"Thanks," he grins.

"How's Tris?" I question.

"He's better, he gets out of the hospital tomorrow and he'll be back to school by next week," Owen tells me.

"That's good," I reply and then look at the front doors as Fitz and Jeff try to push their way in past each other. "You think they'll ever get along?"

"I think they'll probably kill each other first," Owen remarks before yelling at them, "HEY YOU TWO KNOCK IT OFF!"

Fitz and Jeff look at Owen and step apart, Jeff walks off down the hall and Fitz comes over to us. He talks with us for a few minutes before he walks to his locker. Owen and Zane walk away saying they'll see me later and I walk to my homeroom class even though there's about ten minutes before class still. Danny also has my homeroom class, and he walks in with a lustful smile as he looks at me. Thankfully the only other ones in the class to see this are Tiny and Grace since Tris is still in the hospital. Danny is in most of my classes and this happens most of the day, him looking at me with a lustful smile. When school lets out Bianca drives us and Fitz to the hospital. Spin, Drew and Adam have been here all day of course and everyone else either has work or Ice Hounds practice right now. Or in the case of K.C. and Jenna have a doctor's appointment and then a dinner with Joey and Caitlin. I'm sure everyone will come by at some point to see Clare, doesn't matter that she's in a medically induced coma we'll still be here for her and for her brothers. Bianca goes to Drew and greets him with a kiss, I go to Adam and put my hand on his shoulder but Adam doesn't even seem to notice I'm here. For about an hour we sit silently with Clare, the only noises are when a nurse comes in to check Clare's vitals.

"Shouldn't we talk to her?" I question when the nurse leaves.

"I think she's asleep, she's not responding like she was her heart rate is steady but no matter how much we've talked to her today it hasn't gone up. She must be in a deeper state of unconsciousness in the medically induced coma," Adam explains in a sort of dry voice but it's also agonized with fear and hopelessness.

"I'm sure she's sleeping Adam, resting so she can get better. Have you three eaten?" Bianca asks.

"No we weren't hungry," Spinner shakes his head.

"Too bad you need to eat come on let's go get some food," Bianca asserts grabbing Spin and Drew by the jackets to pull them up. Fitz reaches for Adam but he pulls away from him.

"I'm not leaving Clare and I'm not eating," Adam says.

"I'll stay with him," I tell them. Spinner nods and they leave the room. "You know maybe you should get some coffee or something. Leave the room for a bit to…"

"No I'm not leaving her, you don't understand no one does," Adam snaps at me.

"Adam I know she's your twin but…"

"No you don't understand, if you don't want to be here then just go!"

I don't respond I just run from the room, I know he's hurting but that doesn't mean he can be hurtful to me. I run out of the hospital and start walking home, I'm almost home when I see Danny in a diner with J.T. and Toby, the latter two have their back to me and I wave to Danny. He nods a little that he sees me and then I hide in the alley.

"Maya?" He calls my name a few minutes later and I step out. I grab him by his Ice Hounds jacket and push him against the wall crushing my lips to his. He takes my waist and kisses me back until I break the kiss.

"Is there somewhere we can go?"

He grins and brushes a strand of hair behind my ear, "I know just the place."

**(OWEN)**

"I'm starving I'm going to grab dinner," I comment when we get off the Ice Hounds bus back at school.

"Yeah me too Craig can you drop us at the Riverdale diner?" J.T. asks.

"Yeah okay but you guys need to get a ride from there," Craig replies.

Toby, J.T. and Danny follow Craig to his car and I get in my car and start driving. I pass Vanessa's house and pull over hoping she's home and hasn't eaten yet. I get out of the car and ring the bell, her grandma answers and a little boy that must be Rocky runs over and holds onto her skirt.

"Hi Owen come on inside," she smiles. "Vanessa, you have a visitor," she calls up the stairs and a second later Vanessa comes down.

"Hi what are you doing here?" Vanessa asks with a grin.

"I was thinking if you haven't eaten yet we could grab a bite to eat," I tell her and she looks at her grandma.

"Go ahead Honey," her grandma nods.

"I'll have her home in a couple of hours at the latest," I assure her grandma.

"I'll just grab my shoes and purse," she grins. She runs upstairs and returns after a moment. "Mommy's going out for a little bit I'll be back for your bedtime," she tells Rocky hugging him and giving him a kiss before she leaves with me.

Since this was a spontaneous date and nothing was planned I don't have reservations anywhere but I drive us to nice Thai restaurant I know of. When we get in I see Johnny and Samantha waiting to be seated.

"Looks like we had the same idea," I laugh and Johnny looks over at us.

"Hey we'll get a table for four," Johnny grins as the host comes back.

The host seats the four of us at a table and leaves us with menus. We look at them a few minutes before the waiter comes to get our drink order.

"You heard from Spin or Drew in the last few hours?" I ask Johnny while we wait for the waiter to come back with our drinks.

"Not since the message I got around one but I stopped by the hospital after classes before I called Sam. Clare's still in her medically induced coma, Adam won't leave her side and hasn't eaten. Spinner's getting more worried about him than Clare because she's at least remaining stable," Johnny says.

"I'll swing by after I take Vanessa home, it's gotta be really hard for Adam I've been devastated with Tris in the hospital and we're not even twins," I comment and the waiter comes to get our order.

"So Sam have you heard anything about U of T?" Vanessa questions when the waiter leaves again.

"Not yet, I went down today and met with the admissions board but since this semester has already started they told me I'd probably be waiting for summer semester. So now I'm looking for a job, something part time because I doubt I can go from full time to part time in the summer. I was going to go to the mall tomorrow and see what's available," Sam replies.

"Drew works at the mall at a cell phone kiosk," Johnny says.

"Well good then I'll know someone at the mall," Sam grins.

Johnny talks about U of T then Vanessa and I talk about school, she talks about Rocky and I talk about Tris and before we realize it almost two hours has passed. We finished eating a short time ago but we've been talking and sipping our drinks.

"I need to get Vanessa home," I comment getting out my wallet to pay for me and Vanessa.

"Yeah we should get going too," Johnny nods.

He pays for the two of them and we walk out together, we wave to them before Vanessa and I get in my car driving her home. I get out and walk her to the door.

"I had fun tonight thanks," she smiles putting her arms around my neck and bringing her lips to mine.

"I'm glad, I had fun too."

"Tris gets out of the hospital tomorrow right?"

"Yeah I'm going to skip first period to help bring him home but I'll be at school for the rest of the day."

Vanessa smiles and gives me another quick kiss before she goes inside. I grin and get back in my car driving to the hospital. Clare is still out of course and even Adam is asleep so I just poke my head in and squeeze Clare's hand so she knows I'm here and then I go home, after two hours of homework I get to sleep. I wake up early and eat some breakfast, my parents are up, Mom is getting Tristan's room ready and we leave for the hospital. Tris is still getting looked at by the doctor and Mom and Dad have discharge papers to sign.

"I'm going to go and see Clare while you're signing papers I'll be back in a few minutes," I tell my parents and they nod. When I get to Clare's room Adam is awake on Clare's bed but Spin and Paige are asleep in chairs, they must have forced Bianca to take Drew home. "Hey Adam any news?"

"She's stable, they said they'd probably bring her out of the coma tomorrow."

"So why do you look worried?"

"She's weak she's not fighting anymore," Adam whispers.

"She will Adam, Clare's a fighter you know that. I have to go Tris is getting released," I tell Adam before kissing Clare's forehead.

"Tell Tris I said hi and we'll see him soon," Adam says.

"I will," I nod leaving the room.

I go back to Tristan's room and they're getting him ready to leave. An orderly pushes Tris out on a wheelchair and we get him to the car. Dad drives us home and I help him inside to his room.

"Thanks but shouldn't you be in school," Tris says as he gets into his bed.

"I can make up homeroom on my spare," I shrug. I help Mom and Dad get him settled, Dad goes to work but Mom is staying home with him today. "Zane will be over after school and I'll be home after practice," I tell Tris tousling his hair.

"I'm okay you don't have to rush home."

"I won't be I'll see you after practice," I repeat before calling to my mom that I'm leaving for school. Tris is home and getting better but Riley is still in a coma and more importantly, at least to me and the rest of our group, Clare needs to come out of her coma and come home.

**Look I didn't end on a cliffhanger. Update soon picking up probably with Fitz pov, finding out what happened to Reese and possibly getting to the Ice Hounds game.**


	45. We've Seen the Best of Us

**There is now 100 stories represented in picture in the 200 stories gallery on the DeGrassi Saviors Website.**

**Guest reviewers Mary and Olivia please see my profile page for questions on your requests.**

**Ch. 45 We've Seen the Best of Us**

**(FITZ)**

"You look exhausted," Sean comments when I come out to the living room Tuesday morning.

"Didn't sleep much, bad dreams," I tell my brother.

"You want to stay home from school? I'll write you a note," Sean offers.

"No I'll be fine, I'll probably go to the hospital on my spare and stay through lunch to see how Clare's doing. Owen should be there now Tris is getting out of the hospital today," I comment.

"I thought Drew told you not to come back to the hospital?"

"No Jeff and I can't be there together, Drew doesn't want us fighting over her in the hospital."

"And when she's out of the hospital?" Sean asks and I close my eyes. I'm worried that Clare won't even get out of the hospital, she seems to be getting weaker and not waking up.

"I don't know," I reply. It's all I can say. Right now all I worry about is Clare waking up and being okay but if…when she is, I worry that she loves Jeff, I know she loves me too but what if she wakes up and wants to be with him?

"Make sure you get back to school for third period," Sean says patting my shoulder before he leaves.

I grab my coat and leave just after my brother locking up the house. Emma is sleeping, she worked last night and her first class isn't until eleven so she'll sleep in for a while. I drive to school and park, walk in and take off my jacket but I don't go to my locker or to find my friends I just start pacing. Walking the hallways as my mind races, thoughts and fears of Clare never waking up or being forever damaged by what Reese did to her begins to fill me with anger. Burning, raging anger at Reese for doing this to her. I hate him for being so calculating that he got out of juvie early and that his only purpose in doing so was to get to Clare. To take her, to hurt her and by doing so hurt the rest of us. My rage and hate builds to a point that I can no longer be in school and I begin storming for the front doors. Most of the Ice Hounds are near the front doors, all but Owen who is at the hospital with his brother.

"Fitz where are you going?" Jeff calls to me just as I push open the front door.

"To kill Reese are you coming?"

He doesn't answer but he does follow me out to my car, we toss our stuff in the back seat, including my coat but I'm too filled with hot rage to be cold right now. We get in and start driving around, I'm not entirely sure where I'm going. I just begin looking around the places I know the bad kids hang out. I'm also sure that Reese wouldn't be hanging out near Riverdale, he'll skulk in the shadows to avoid us, especially because he can't get his hands on Clare at the moment. We drive around for a couple of hours, parking every so often to get out and look at places. And then I see him, near Queen Street in an alley with a couple of his buddies, probably the same ones that helped him trap Clare. I park the car and we get out, fists clenched, bodies tense as we walk over ready to fight. It bothers neither of us that we're outnumbered we're fighting for a girl we love and that is the difference. Jeff and I love Clare, we'd do anything to protect her and Reese wants to own her that is not love it's desire of ownership, jealousy and malice.

"REESE!" I holler at him with an angry growl.

He looks over as do his two buddies, his two buddies glower at us angrily but they get behind Reese. Reese was smoking a cigarette but he throws it down and stomps it under his boot.

"Fitzy boy and hockey boy, Jeff is it? Let me guess you came here to seek revenge for the fair Clare's sake. Oh wait she's still in a coma. You know I'll get her, I'll take her a…"

That's all either of us can stand to hear as both Jeff and I hit Reese. Our fists connecting under his jaw at the same second. The combined force of our anger is enough to knock him back against the wall. He hits his head, blood coming from his mouth, he's at the very least dazed and we would keep hitting him but his buddies pull us back. We start fighting with them, they are fighting but they don't seem to be trying very hard. Or perhaps it's just that Jeff and I are incredibly determined because we're able to subdue them rather quickly, getting them to the ground and they give in. We return our attentions back to Reese, each of us punching him in the stomach, he tries to fight back but we must have knocked his head pretty hard because he's rather dazed and can hardly throw a punch. It doesn't stop us we continue punching until he spits up some blood.

"Fitz I think he's had enough," Jeff says grabbing my arm.

"Yeah I think he's done," I nod getting out my phone and calling Officer Turner.

"Officer James Turner," he answers.

"It's Fitz, Jeff and I found Reese," I inform him.

"Should I assume I'll be taking him to the hospital before the station?"

"Yeah he should probably go to the hospital."

"Where are you?" Turner asks.

I tell him where we are and then we wait and make sure that neither Reese nor his buddies leave. Officer Turner and another officer arrive in a patrol car and with an ambulance. They cuff the three of them and get them in the ambulance.

"They may press charges and I don't know if I can get you out of this one. But given what they did to Clare we may be able to convince the judge it was extenuating circumstances. For now get back to school and don't leave town, I'll need to talk to you both later," Officer Turner tells us and we nod.

They follow the ambulance and we get back in my car. I drive us back to school and park, Jeff opens the door but I don't move.

"Aren't you coming into school?" Jeff asks.

"I have a spare this period and it's lunch next," I reply and Jeff nods.

He says nothing more, grabs his backpack and closes the car door to get back into school. I drive to the hospital and walk to Clare's room. Spin and Paige have gone to work but Adam is here as always. He looks at me, smiles as much as he can and then looks back at his sister.

"We found Reese and two of his buddies, Jeff and I beat him up he's in the hospital but we called Officer Turner and Reese will be arrested. His friends too if they helped him with Clare," I tell Adam as I sit on the other side of Clare's bed and kiss her temple.

"Good I hope he hangs," Adam replies.

"Yeah me too," I nod, "or I'll kill him myself."

We sit there in silence until the door opens mid-afternoon and my brother walks in.

"Any news?" Sean asks and Adam and he shakes his head. "Officer Turner called, say goodbye Fitz we're going home," Sean says in his commanding _"do as I say I'm the older brother,"_ voice which he rarely uses with me.

"See you Adam," I wave to him before a gentle kiss upon Clare's lips.

"Straight home, I'll be following you," Sean warns me when we walk out to the parking lot.

I get in my car and he gets on his motorcycle. I drive home and park in the driveway, Sean parks his bike behind my car and we go inside. As soon as we're through the door Sean knocks me upside the head with the palm of his hand. It doesn't hurt but I know he's angry.

"ARE YOU TRYING TO GET YOURSELF SENT TO PRISON?!" Sean yells.

"The police were barely looking for him and he nearly killed her, he tried to take her and do anything he wanted to her. I HAD TO DO SOMETHING!"

"Find him and call the cops not beat him to a bloody pulp Mark. You've been out of juvie three months, you're still on probation if you get arrested for assault you could go to jail. You can't always solve everything with your fists you need to use your head. I love Clare too but y…"

"Not like I do, what if it was Emma in the hospital right now? If someone had done that to her? You would stop at nothing to make sure the ones who did it paid, under the law or otherwise. You know you would and you can't tell me you wouldn't. I was angry, you can't be mad at me for being angry for what he did."

"I'm not angry that you hate Reese for what he did I'm angry that you took it too far. You weren't thinking Fitz what if he had died? The doctors are keeping him overnight for head trauma you know. I know why you hate him, I know why you were angry and why you went looking for Reese but I know what happens when you can't control you're anger Fitz. If you're in prison when Clare wakes up and gets out of the hospital what do you think that will do to her? She loves you as much as you love her."

"I know," I sigh sitting down on the sofa with my head in my hands, "I just hate being helpless. Clare's lying in the hospital in a coma and I'm helpless. Reese is out there free while she lies in the hospital and I'm helpless. I had to do something Sean. I needed some kind of control."

Sean sighs and sits down next to me putting his arm around me and his hand on my shoulder, "I know you did but you need to learn to control yourself."

**(CLARE)**

I struggle to open my eyes.

I feel heavy, unusually heavy as if being pulled down somehow.

I want to wake up, I can feel Adam with me and I want to wake up but it's so hard and it feels as though I've been asleep for an exceedingly long time. As though swallowed by darkness so deep I can no longer become fully conscious.

Before I can manage to open my eyes I move my hand, my fingers moving slightly and curling around Adam's and he squeezes back.

"Clare?" He asks, his voice urging me to open my eyes with a tone so filled with hope and anguish it gives me the strength to open my eyes. I still feel heavy, my eyelids barely opening as they feel like heavy weights are attached and pulling them down. "Thank goodness, you had me so worried. Don't you ever do that again I thought you were going to die. You did once, you died and I felt it don't you ever do that to me again," Adam scolds me while he squeezes my hand and looks at me with blissful eyes.

I try to talk, to tell him that I'm sorry and ask what's going on but I can hardly open my mouth let alone get a word out.

"Don't try to talk you've been in a coma for a few days, through multiple surgeries and your heart stopped. It's okay I know you're sorry and you had no idea Reese was out or that you were so hurt but you had us so worried. I haven't left the hospital, Drew, Spin, Paige and Bianca have all been here at every moment they could," Adam tells me and I look around the room looking for my other brothers and their wife and girlfriend.

"Drew's asleep in the chair, Spinner and Paige were here last night and Bianca was not feeling well and wanted to sleep at home," Adam replies to the question that I didn't ask but that's one of the great things about having a twin.

I look around the room again, but not for my family this time.

"Fitz was here earlier. He stayed until Sean came and got him. Jeff came after hockey practice but Drew banned them from being in the room together," Adam says and I look down because I know why they were banned from being here together.

"They found Reese today, Fitz and Jeff, they found him and beat him up. He'll be arrested when he's out of the hospital. I'm sure they'll both come rushing when they find out you're awake. I think I'd better wake Drew, you know he can sleep through anything and I've never seen him so pale as when you passed out in his arms on your bed," Adam comments. He kisses my forehead before sliding off my bed and walking to Drew asleep in the chair. "Drew wake up she's awake," Adam informs him.

Unlike my difficulty in waking up Drew's eyes shoot open immediately and he jumps up. He looks in my eyes and cups my face. His eyes are filled with such joy that he can see my eyes it's astonishing. He kisses my forehead a dozen times and looks like he might cry.

"Thank goodness, don't ever do that again, you died and you scared us all don't ever do that again," Drew says.

"We should probably alert the doctors that you're awake," Adam comments reaching over to press the call button. It only takes a moment for a nurse to come in.

"Did you n…oh Clare you're awake that's wonderful. I'll fetch the doctor," the nurse says before leaving.

"I'm going to call Spinner, you'd better still be awake when I get back," Drew remarks kissing my forehead again before he leaves my room to call Spinner.

A doctor comes in and introduces herself before looking in my eyes and at my head. Then asking me yes or no questions which I give answers to by tapping my fingers, once for yes twice for no, because she doesn't want me to talk yet. The whole process is rather exhausting and I nearly fall asleep again but when Spinner, Paige and Bianca run in I force myself awake again. Spinner comes to my bedside kissing my cheek and forehead and saying the same sentiments as Drew and Adam did when they saw me awake. When Spin goes to talk to the doctor Paige and Bianca come over to hug me. Spin is still talking with the doctor, Bianca is talking to Drew and Paige to Adam. No one is talking to me or even looking at me and I remember how exhausted I was and fall asleep. Not the deep sleep of the coma I had been in just a normal sleep of one who's tired. I'm not sure how long I sleep but I wake to many more voices in the room. The very second my eyes open again I'm met by a pair of lips on mine and I smile, reaching a hand up to caress the short hairs at the back of his neck.

"Mark," I grin when we break our kiss, our lips parting only enough for a breath to pass between them.

"Hello Gorgeous, it's a relief to see those baby blues again," Mark smiles.

He moves out of the way so I can see the others, everyone is here and it's very early in the morning. The sun isn't even out yet but they all came. Sean, Emma, Johnny, Owen, Maya, Jenna and K.C. are all here and all smiling at me because I'm awake. Everyone says hello or good morning and that they're glad I'm awake. Owen tells me that Tris says hi and he was released from the hospital yesterday.

"We don't want to tire her out and we all have school or work. I'll stay with her today, the rest of you can come see her later," Spinner insists when he sees my eyes beginning to close again.

"I'm staying too," Adam insists.

"No Adam you should go home and rest," I tell him but my voice is hardly able to go above a whisper.

"She's right Adam she's awake now and you haven't left here in days. Go home and get some real sleep and you can come see her after you've had some rest," Spinner replies.

Adam looks reluctant but he nods. Everyone else tells me goodbye and they'll be by later. Fitz is as reluctant to leave as Adam but they are both taken out. When everyone is gone I begin to fall asleep again and Spinner just sits there watching me like he's afraid if someone isn't here watching me that I will die or drift away again.

**(MAYA)**

"Maya hold up," Adam calls running over to me as we leave the hospital for the parking lot.

We've all just come from Clare's room very happy that she's awake. Most of us are about to go to school, Owen is giving Jenna, K.C. and me a ride to school. Adam comes over taking my hand and pulling me aside so we can talk in private.

"I'm sorry about the other day, I shouldn't have yelled like that. I didn't mean to snap at you but I felt my twin slipping away and you have no idea what that's like, especially after watching her pass out at home and then watching her heart stop. I haven't exactly been in the best mental state lately. Even so that's no excuse for my behavior and I'm sorry. Can you forgive me for being a little crazy lately?" Adam pleads with big doe eyes and I'm stabbed with guilt for my cheating with Danny.

"Of course," I smile hiding my guilt behind the smile.

Adam gives me that adorable grin of his and then he gives me a soft kiss. I try to kiss him back but I can't seem to and I walk quickly to Owen's car. Owen drives us to school and we split up to go to our lockers. I start putting books in my locker and see Danny leaning on the locker next to mine.

"So I hear that Clare's awake," Danny grins brushing a strand of hair behind my ear.

"Yes she is and we can't see each other anymore," I reply closing my locker.

"I wouldn't exactly call what we've been doing seeing each other. And I don't think either of us can stop, you know you like it," Danny replies dragging a finger over my collarbone.

"I'm with Adam," I remind Danny turning away from him.

"That hasn't seemed to bother you yet," Danny comments following me.

"I made a mistake, it shouldn't have happened I love Adam," I insist.

"Apparently not as much as you think or you wouldn't have strayed so easily," Danny replies as he walks past me. I stop walking and look away.

"Maya are you alright?" Jenna asks and her voice makes me jump.

"Yeah I'm fine just lost in thought," I reply with a reassuring smile. Jenna smiles and then gasps slightly before putting her hand on her belly. "Are you okay?"

"Just a kick, this kids got powerful legs," Jenna says and I smile.

I hang out with her and K.C. until the bell rings and walk to homeroom, but when I get to homeroom I see Danny. He gives me a lustful smirk and I feel a tingling between my legs and then a pit of guilt in my stomach. I decide the best thing for me to do is to get out of here. I walk out the front doors and text K.C. that I'm going to Adam's. I cut through the ravine and it takes me about ten minutes to walk to the Mason house, the front door is locked but the back door isn't and I go into Adam's room. He's sounds asleep which isn't surprising since I think he's slept about one or two hours since Clare first went to the hospital. I take off my shoes and jeans then get in the bed cuddling up to Adam.

"Mmm shouldn't you be at school?" Adam asks with a yawn but holds me close and kisses my cheek as he does so.

"I'd rather be with you," I reply putting my arm over his chest.

Adam smiles and strokes my hair but is soon fast asleep again. I'm actually pretty tired because we were all woken up at four this morning with the news that Clare was awake. It takes a little while but I do fall asleep in Adam's arms. I wake up after a couple of hours but Adam is still asleep, it's lunch time and I'm hungry so I carefully slip out of the bed. I go out to the kitchen and start making myself a sandwich. Just as I start eating Adam comes out to the kitchen.

"Sorry didn't mean to wake you I got hungry," I apologize.

"It's okay I'm hungry too," Adam says going to the fridge.

"I didn't realize just how much I hadn't been doing these last few days," he says with a yawn as he begins making himself a sandwich. He sits with me when he's done but we eat totally in silence. I can barely look at him.

"I should probably go back to sleep but I'm not that tired and I really want to go to the hospital and see Clare," Adam comments as he cleans up from lunch.

"That's okay I'll go with you, I think Johnny's out of school maybe he can give us a ride."

"Yeah good idea, can you call Johnny I need a shower," Adam requests and I nod. He smiles and kisses me before walking to the washroom.

I call Johnny and he says he'll come get us in twenty minutes. While Adam is in the shower I play on my phone and text K.C. that Johnny is taking us to the hospital to see Clare. Adam is ready by the time Johnny comes to get us and the three of us go to the hospital. It's early afternoon and Spinner is still here while Clare seems to be asleep, when we enter the room she opens her eyes and smiles at us.

"How do you feel?" Johnny asks her.

"Tired, heavy, sore," she says.

Johnny smiles and kisses her forehead, Adam sits on the edge of her bed so I sit in the chair behind him. Clare mostly drifts in and out of sleep all afternoon, I find it funny that she's been unconscious for so long yet she's still so tired but maybe that's what a coma does to you and she did go through a lot. Fitz of course shows up right after school along with Drew and Bianca, K.C. and Jenna are meeting Joey and Caitlin for dinner but they also come right after school. Fitz sits on the other side of Clare's bed, he wants to hold her but Spinner is worried about him moving the wires and tubes connected to her. Paige, Emma, Sean and Jay all come after work. Even with all the people in the room it's fairly quiet until Jeff and Owen show up after practice. Jeff wants to be close to Clare too but Adam and Fitz are monopolizing those spots and Jeff isn't happy. Actually Clare was asleep until Jeff and Owen came in the room and Fitz tensed up, now her eyes open and she looks between the two of them.

"Do I need to kick you two out again?" Drew threatens and Jeff shakes his head sitting at the foot of Clare's bed.

Jeff and Fitz continue to shoot each other glaring looks and it's making Clare uncomfortable. I think she's lucky that she has two boys that will fight so hard for her, I wonder if Adam would ever fight so hard for me?

"Alright everyone you should be going home it's about dinner time and Clare needs to rest. We'll call you immediately if there's any kind of change but for the most part she's just going to sleep," the doctor asserts coming into Clare's room.

"No we're staying," Spinner states.

"Spin you should all go home, the doctor's right I'm just going to sleep and none of you have gotten much sleep in days. I'll see you all in the morning but I forbid any of the three of you from staying in this room tonight," Clare insists to her brothers.

"Well someone needs to stay, I'm not going to sleep unless I know someone is here to keep an eye on you," Drew replies.

"I'll stay, my first class isn't until two tomorrow," Johnny offers.

Everyone seems satisfied with this solution so the rest of us start to leave. Everyone saying goodbye to Clare on the way out, her brothers hug her and kiss her cheek or forehead. Fitz kisses her lips and Jeff stiffens up but he can't get to her head to kiss her lips so he blows her a kiss.

"You want to stay at our place tonight?" Adam asks.

"Yeah," I nod.

I text K.C. that I'm sleeping at Adam's although I'm sure he already figured that, he left earlier with Jenna when Joey and Caitlin came to pick them up. When we get back to the Mason house Adam and I help Paige and Spinner throw some dinner together. We eat dinner while watching TV and watch TV for most of the evening. Officer Turner stops by and asks us to write character statements on behalf of Fitz because he could be facing jail time for beating up Reese. Officer Turner says he's already asked the others and he's asking Jeff's family and the Ice Hounds to do the same for Jeff, which likely means Owen has done two. Of course we're all happy to write character statements for our friend and Officer Turner takes them when we're done.

Adam goes to bed early and I go with him but I have trouble falling asleep. When I finally do I dream about being with Danny and Adam walks in on us, in the dream he's so hurt that it kills him. I wake up feeling guilty and I'm wide awake, I get out of Adam's bed carefully and go out to the living room watching TV until dawn when I take a shower. Everyone wakes up early, we get a quick breakfast from The Dot. Spinner works later and Adam has agreed to go to school today but right now we're all headed to the hospital to see Clare. When we arrive Johnny is awake and Clare is asleep in the bed, she's not alone Fitz is on his side cuddled up to her.

"He showed up around one, he's been careful and she's been clinging to him all night," Johnny tells us.

Either at the sound of Johnny's voice or the presence of us all in the room Clare wakes up and when she wakes up so does Fitz. She looks at everyone and then looks at Fitz, he smiles at her and kisses her forehead before he carefully lets go of her and gets off the bed. Everyone hugs Clare and asks how she feels, while we're doing that Jeff and Anya come in, they must have been stopping by on their way to school. Jeff and Fitz each sit on one side of her bed and go back to glaring at each other. At least until Officer Turner walks in and we all look at him.

"I was told I could find you two here," he says looking at Jeff and Fitz.

"Mark, Jeff what's going on?" Clare asks in a frightened voice.

"It's fine," Fitz assures her.

"This has to do with Reese doesn't it? Mark you're not going back to jail," Clare pleads gripping onto him.

"I need you both to come with me," Officer Turner says in a commanding tone.

"Mark no you can't go back to juvie and Jeff you can't get arrested, Reese tried to kidnap me. Officer Turner tell me they're not going to jail?" Clare begs.

"I can't disclose anything until after they've gone before the judge," Officer Turner replies. Clare shakes her head and grips onto Fitz tighter.

"I'll be back," Fitz assures her giving Clare a soft kiss, "we both will."

Reluctantly she lets go of him and then Fitz and Jeff leave with Officer Turner. Clare is upset now, breathing quickly with tears coming down from her eyes. Spinner, Adam and Paige begin trying to calm her down. It doesn't work and when her heart rate speeds up too much the doctor comes in and gives her a sedative. The sedative puts Clare to sleep and we all hope Fitz and Jeff will be back before she wakes up or at least that there's news. Spinner has to work, Drew will stay with Clare today while the rest of us go to work and school. Adam and I ride with Bianca to school, Adam walks into school with his arm around me but we part ways after he takes me to my locker. I start to exchange a few books in my locker from my backpack when I see a figure leaning on the locker next to mine and I look up to see Danny.

"What are you doing here I told you we were done," I snarl at him slamming my locker shut.

"I don't believe you, you've come to me twice now, I know how you feel when you're with me," Danny says dragging his finger down my neck to my collarbone. He's right his touch brings a tingle to the spot between my legs, it's not until I hear my boyfriend's voice nearby that I break out of it.

"For the last fucking time we are done! If you talk to me again about anything besides school I will tell Adam and the others that you raped me," I warn him then turn quickly on my heel and go looking for Adam.

**Update soon probably starting in Jeff POV as we learn what happens to him and Fitz. Also Clare gets out of the hospital and comes home.**


	46. These are the Days I Can't Get Back

**Announcement regarding Short Stories: I'm taking the number of revolving short stories down from 5 to 4, and eventually to 3. The reason being without a short story chapter a week, and most especially without the aid of short story months any longer the short stories are not moving fast enough. One shots, practically with chapters of 2 &amp; 3 shots going up consecutively, and long stories now that they're getting nice long chapters are moving at a good pace and coming off the list at a good pace. Short stories are not and the time between chapters for each short story are too long! So I will not be replacing Light in a World of Dark with anything so there are now four short stories in rotation. When the next one ends there will then be three short stories in rotation which will mean less time between chapters for each short story and they should be moving at a better pace.**

**There is now 120 stories represented in picture in the 200 stories gallery on the DeGrassi Saviors Website.**

**Guest reviewers please remember to check my profile page for a response. Mary and Olivia please see my profile page for questions on your requests.**

**Ch. 46 These are the Days I Can't Get Back**

**(JEFF)**

We follow Officer Tuner into the judge's chambers. My aunt and uncle are here, Fitz's brother is here too and the judge sits behind his desk. Our families sit on one side and Officer Turner motions for us to sit in the two empty chairs while he stands behind us.

"Can I say something before we begin?" I request.

"Go ahead Mr. MacPherson," the judge nods.

"It was all me, Fitz had nothing to do with it he shouldn't even be here."

"What?" Fitz exclaims. "Are you trying to get yourself kicked off the team? Don't listen to him Judge it was me and Jeff had nothing to do with it. I'm no stranger to trouble I've even been in these chambers before."

"That's very noble of both of you however with Officer Turner's report I already know both of you participated," the judge reminds us and we both look down. We probably should have known he would have had Officer Turner's police report. "I understand Mr. Delancy was beaten rather severely and under normal circumstances the two of you would very likely be charged with aggravated assault and be facing some time in juvenile hall. However, these are not normal circumstances, Mr. Delancy was in here before for an assault and attempted break-in. I'm also well aware of his history with Miss Mason whom he attacked and is now also in the hospital. Officer Turner has personally vouched for you both and I have many written character statements from your friends and teammates. In light of everything I've decided to go easy on you both. Mr. MacPherson six months of probation and 200 hours of community service. At least 50 hours of your community service will be spent giving conflict resolution seminars to young kids. Mr. Fitzgerald, six months of additional probation, which I believe gives you nine months now. Two months of anger management classes so that hopefully next time you won't solve things with your fists, and 100 hours of community service. I will be checking in with your probation officer regularly. Let me make this very clear, this not a get out of jail free card. This is your one and only chance to prove that this will not happen again. If either one of you ends up back here in front of me I will not be lenient on you again."

"Yes Sir," Fitz and I say together.

"Good. We're adjourned you boys should get to school. Your probation officer will be meeting with each of you in the next couple of days. Remember boys you've been given a second chance at life don't screw it up, I don't want to see either of you in here again under any circumstances," the judge says. We nod and get up quickly to leave his chambers with our families and Officer Turner following us.

"You both got very lucky just now," Aunt Pam says as we begin walking for the parking lot.

"We know," I nod.

"If you get arrested for solving something with your fists again Fitz I'll kill you myself," Sean warns his brother.

"Yeah I know," he nods hanging his head a little. "I promise we'll both get to school on time but my car is still at the hospital and we'd both like to go see Clare and let her know we're not going to prison, or back to Guelph," Fitz requests.

Sean exchanges a look with my aunt and uncle before they all nod and we smile. We say thanks and assure them again that we'll get to school on time. Since Officer Turner brought us here and Sean's on his motorcycle my aunt and uncle take us to the hospital.

"In and out boys you need to be at school in less than thirty minutes," Uncle Harold warns us dropping us at the entrance.

"We know," we both say as we get out of the car. We walk quickly to Clare's hospital room; besides Clare the room is empty so everyone already left for school or work. Clare looks like she's half asleep but she grins when she sees us come in.

"This better not be you both telling me goodbye before you're sent to juvie or jail or back home," Clare comments.

"No jail or juvie or Guelph for either of us just probation and community service," I assure Clare.

"And anger management classes for me so I stop trying to kill everyone that hurts someone I care about," Fitz tells her and Clare grins.

"Good I'm glad to hear it for both of you. Reese got what he deserved but neither of you should have gone after him. It would have killed me to find out you were hurt or in jail," she censures us but her eyes are beginning to close and she looks exhausted.

"We need to get to school and you should rest but we'll be back later," I tell her.

Fitz kisses her lips and then moves out of the way so I can say goodbye. I want to kiss her lips too but her boyfriend is right behind me so I hug her and kiss her forehead instead.

"So why'd you do it?" Fitz asks when we're in his car driving to school. "Try to take all the heat for Reese?"

"Because I know how much Clare loves you and cares about you and I knew if you went back to juvie it would break her heart. Why'd you do it?"

"Because I know how much she cares about you," he says, "and loves you," he adds reluctantly, "and I know if you were sent to juvie or back to Guelph she'd not just miss you but she'd feel guilty that you got kicked off the team because of her."

"But it would have been because of Reese not because of her."

"Yeah I know and you know but she'd still blame herself," Fitz replies and then we fall into silence until he parks at the school and we get out of the car. "So we both love the same girl and we both want to be with her," Fitz comments as we start walking to the front steps of the school.

"Yeah we do," I nod.

"For her sake can we at least agree not to start fighting for her until she's out of the hospital and healing?" Fitz requests stopping at the bottom of the steps and holding his hand out for me to shake on the deal.

"For Clare's sake I'll agree to that," I nod shaking Fitz's hand.

We hear the bell ringing for first period and run inside. We both have the same homeroom and we run straight there barely getting into our desks before the late bell.

"So what did the judge say?" Drew whispers to us while the teacher begins a lecture.

"No jail time just probation and community service, and I have to take anger management classes," Fitz whispers back since he sits closer to Drew.

"Good," Drew whispers but goes quiet when the teacher looks over and we're quiet for the rest of class.

"I've got a spare now and I'm going back to the hospital to be with Clare. I'll be back in time for third period," Fitz says as we leave class.

Drew, Owen and Bianca wave to Fitz as he leaves. Owen, Drew, Fiona, Craig, Kelly and I also have second period together so we walk together. I want to go see Clare at lunch but our first game is tomorrow and Owen wants us to eat together in the auditorium to watch the movie of the opposing team playing so we can strategize. We have a practice after school but I'll go to the hospital to see her tonight.

**(CLARE)**

I wake up to lips on mine, I smile into the kiss and grip the back of his neck. My lips part as his tongue glides in and caresses mine.

"I'm glad you're here," I grin when our lips break apart, "will you hold me?"

"Of course Gorgeous," Mark smiles taking off his thick leather jacket and getting on the bed to hold me. It's still early so he must have come on his spare. "Are you okay?" Mark asks as he wraps me in his arms.

"Yeah I just missed you and I'm happy that you're not going to jail," I reply kissing his neck.

"And so are we," Mark replies. I feel his deep breathing as his chest rises and falls and I long to feel my skin against his skin again. It feels like it's been so long since I felt his skin, besides his lips and his hand. I nuzzle into him a bit more and then start crying and cling to his hoodie.

"Clare what's wrong? Don't cry Beautiful you're awake and I'm not going to juvie, neither is Jeff he's not even going back to Guelph," Mark says in a soothing tone as he holds me closer and rubs my back in a soothing way.

"I was so scared that you and Jeff were going to get in trouble because of me a…"

"Because of Reese," Mark says cutting me off and tipping my chin up to meet his eyes, "not because of you and we're not even going to juvie just some community service and probation."

"I know. I'm just…" I pause because I'm feeling so much it's hard to describe it all, "just hold me close."

"Until I have to get back to school I won't let you go. Or I'll even ditch if you want and hold you all day."

"No then you will be in trouble just hold me until you have to leave," I reply.

Mark gives me a tender kiss, I place my head on his chest once more and he strokes my back gently. After a while I begin to feel sleepy again. I don't want to fall asleep again until Mark leaves but I can't help it, I drift to sleep and when I wake up it's cold and the bed feels empty. I know Mark is gone before I open my eyes, it's afternoon now and Mark is back at school but my room isn't empty.

"How you feeling? Lucas asks.

"Better, still in pain though. What time is it?" I yawn moving my bed to sit up a little and see Lucas better.

"Almost three, everyone from the school should be here pretty soon, unless they have after school activities. I hear Fitz and Jeff got off pretty easy," Lucas comments.

"Yeah they got lucky but I wish they'd never have gone after Reese to begin with."

"You didn't really think that they would stay away did you? The two boys vying for your love, watching you lie in a hospital bed and knowing that the guy that put you there is still out there. We all knew they were bound to go after Reese, the longer you were in here the more they wanted to do something about it," Lucas says.

"I know but they could have gotten in real trouble. At least they don't seem to be fighting anymore," I remark.

"Give it time I'm sure once you're stronger they'll start fighting again," Lucas says and I close my eyes. "Better open those baby blues again you've got more company," Lucas tells me. I open my eyes just as Jay kisses my forehead.

"I should go, I'm picking Mia up for dinner before I go to work. I'll come see you tomorrow," Lucas comments hugging me before he leaves.

Jay sits down and we talk for a bit. I know when school is out because Adam, Drew, Bianca, Jenna, Maya, K.C. and Mark come to the hospital. The room is pretty full and Jay has to get to a support group soon so he says goodbye. Mark sits on one side of my bed while Adam sits on the other. Owen and Jeff are at hockey practice but I'm sure they'll be here after. Everyone is talking about school but something occurs to me.

"Tomorrow is Friday isn't it?" I ask Adam.

"Yeah," he nods.

"And the Ice Hounds first game is tomorrow, I'm going to miss it," I pout.

"Don't worry we're going and we'll record it so you can watch it later. Adam and Fitz will be here with you and you three can watch it together. I'm sure Adam can figure out how to get what we record on our phones to play on the TV," Bianca tells me.

"I still wish I could go. I'm very tired of being in this hospital bed," I complain.

"Doc says you'll get a released Sunday," Drew assures me.

"You'll be out for my birthday, it will probably be a calm night at your place anyway," Jenna remarks.

People start talking about Jenna's birthday and tomorrow's game and I begin to fall asleep. I drift to sleep to the chattering of my friends but when I wake up the room is quiet. My eyes open and I see only Owen and Jeff, both smile at me when I look at them and I smile back.

"I was beginning to think you'd sleep the whole time," Owen says.

"Not that I'm not happy to see you two but where is everyone?"

"Spinner will be here when he gets off work in about an hour. Jenna and K.C. got picked up by Joey and Caitlin to go to their place for dinner. Paige came while you were sleeping and made Adam, Maya, Drew and Bianca go home to eat, shower and do homework. Fitz was here when we got here but Sean picked him up to meet with his parole officer," Owen informs me.

"I have a meeting with him tomorrow," Jeff informs me.

"I'm sorry I'll miss your game tomorrow," I tell them.

"You can come to our next game when you're healthier," Jeff says.

"Tris wanted me to say hi, he'll come by this weekend and he's going back to school Monday," Owen tells me.

"That's good I'm glad he's okay. Any word on Riley?"

"Still in a coma, they don't know if he'll ever wake up and they still haven't caught the guys that did it," Owen growls angrily punching his fist into his hand.

Jeff must decide a change of topic is in order as he begins talking about practice. The two of them stay until Spinner comes and they both say goodnight. Spinner kisses my forehead and sits down next to my bed, he stays for about an hour with me but the doctor tells him to go home and I assure Spin that I'll be fine. I sleep all night dreaming of Mark and then Jeff and then Adam, only my dream about my twin isn't romantic it's almost foreboding. I wake up with a gasp and find Johnny in my room.

"You alright?" Johnny asks.

"Yeah, just a dream. What are you doing here so early?"

"I've only been here a few minutes, I came to see you before class," he replies.

"It seems so dark."

"That's probably because the blinds are closed," Johnny remarks getting up to open the blinds. When the sun does come in I see that it's early morning and even though I slept all night I still feel tired.

"Breakfast," the orderly says coming into the room with a tray. He sets it on my rolling tray and leaves the room, I look at it and twist my face in disgust.

"Not hungry?" Johnny asks.

"Not for lumpy oatmeal and a banana," I respond pushing the tray away.

"Should I call Spin to bring you something?"

"No I'm really not that hungry, I'll eat lunch."

Johnny doesn't seem to listen as he gets out his phone and texts someone, "Breakfast is on its way."

I shake my head and Johnny grins. Since all I've done is lie in a hospital bed I ask Johnny about school and how things are going with Samantha. He says school is fine and then spends half an hour talking about Samantha with a huge grin on his face. In fact, he's still talking about her when she comes in with Jeff, the latter of which is holding a paper bag.

"We brought a more appetizing breakfast of a chocolate muffin," Jeff says and I smile taking the bag. He sits on the side of my bed while Samantha sits next to Johnny.

"How do you feel? Any better?" Samantha asks.

"Still some pain, very tired and really bored," I reply.

"Just a couple more days and you get to go home," Jeff reminds me.

"Yes and I'll be very happy to sleep in my own bed again," I smile.

Johnny stays for a few more minutes before he has to leave to get to class. Samantha and Jeff stay until my brothers and their significant others come, for one the room is getting full and besides Samantha and Jeff have to get back home so he can get ready for school. My brothers, Paige, Bianca and Maya stay while I eat my muffin but Adam, Bianca, Drew and Maya need to get to school and Paige to work. Spinner works 12-9 today so he stays with me.

"Good morning Clare how are you feeling?" The doctor asks coming in and looking at my chart.

"Ready to go home," I complain again.

"Almost but we need to keep you here for a couple more days and when we do send you home you'll still need to take it easy," the doctor says looking at Spinner and not at me. "Resting in bed for a week while you heal, then you can slowly begin resuming activities, including school but start with half a day at first."

"We'll all make sure she rests and stays in bed, between our family and all our friends someone will always be home with her," Spinner replies with a single nod of his head. I groan thinking of staying in bed for another week but then again maybe Mark can stay in it with me, with this thought I smile carnally and Spin shoots me a look when he sees it.

"You're looking much better, although you didn't eat I see," the doctor remarks at my uneaten breakfast.

"Lumpy oatmeal wasn't appealing my friends brought me a muffin."

"Well I'm glad you ate. I'm going to have a nurse come in to take your blood and have a tech come in for a sonogram of your stomach so we can see how you're healing," the doctor tells us before putting my chart back and leaving the room. Spinner stays for the tests and after the doctor is there for my sonogram and says I'm healing well. Mark arrives during the sonogram as he's on his spare and just like yesterday he stays through lunch.

"You know I have to stay in bed for a week and then can only go to school for half a day at first," I tell Mark when we're alone in the room.

"You need to rest, and heal," Mark replies kissing my forehead.

"I know but I was hoping you'd stay with me as much as you can and hold me all night, and most of the day."

"You know I will," Mark grins.

"Good because I've been dying to be in your arms and against your skin," I reply and look up to meet Mark's lips in a tender kiss.

Once again I fall asleep in Mark's arms and he leaves when he has to get back to school. In the afternoon Adam, Maya, Jenna and K.C. come with Mark. Drew and Bianca are going to the game, so are Johnny and Samantha, Tris is going with Zane. Drew and Bianca were going to record the game on their phones so I could watch it later but Simpson arranged for the game to be broadcast on a local channel so I can watch it live from my hospital room. Everyone here will watch it with me. Sean, Jay and Paige also come to watch the game from my hospital room but Spin, Emma and Lucas have to work tonight.

It's not quite like watching the game at the arena but with everyone in my room watching it live it's almost as good. There's lots of energy and we all cheer when an Ice Hound makes a goal, especially Owen. The Ice Hounds win and everyone in my room goes crazy causing the hospital staff to come in and ask us to be quiet. Now that the game is over people start to leave, both so they don't get yelled at and so that I can rest. Everyone leaves but Mark, he stays with me and I'm almost asleep when Spinner comes after work. After seeing how I am and asking about the game Spinner leaves so I can rest and Spin makes Mark go home as well. I fall asleep shortly after they leave only to wake to a pair of lips sometime later but I know they're not Mark's lips. My eyes open and I see Jeff's face lit by the heart monitor.

"Sorry didn't mean to wake you, I had a dream about you and had to come see you. You looked so beautiful sleeping I couldn't resist kissing you," he explains his presence before I ask.

"What time is it?" I yawn.

"A little after two, you can go back to sleep."

"That's okay you woke me from a dream that wasn't so good."

"You want to talk about it?" Jeff asks taking my hand.

"No," I shake my head, "tell me about the game."

"I thought you watched it on TV?"

"I did but it wasn't like being there."

Jeff smiles and begins recounting the game to me and after a while I begin to drift to sleep again.

**(FITZ)**

"I'll get her inside," I tell Spin running around to open Clare's door.

It's late Sunday morning and Clare was released from the hospital a short time ago. Spinner and Paige came to pick her up and I came with them. I pick Clare up and she hisses slightly in pain, I give her a worried look when I hear the hiss and she kisses my cheek to assure me she's okay. Spinner unlocks the door and I carry her inside where everyone else is waiting to welcome her home. Everyone says welcome home or similar sentiments and I set her gently on the sofa so she can visit with everyone.

"Are you hungry we made some lunch," Emma comments.

"I'll happily eat anything that isn't hospital food," Clare says and people laugh.

"I'm starved, I'll bring you a plate," I tell Clare kissing her cheek to go into the kitchen and Johnny comes with me.

"Jeff, Samantha and Anya wanted to come and see Clare, welcome her home," Johnny tells me as we start getting food.

"Are you telling me because you think I'm going to fight with Jeff?"

"Well yeah," Johnny says.

"We came to agreement not to fight over Clare," I say and Johnny smiles, "at least until she's better," I add before leaving the kitchen with some food for Clare and myself.

I give Clare her plate and sit on the floor next to her so if she needs something I can get it. People eat and talk, Jeff, Samantha and Anya come by and stay for a couple of hours to welcome Clare home and they have some lunch. Johnny leaves with them, or rather he leaves with Samantha because the two have a date. K.C. and Jenna are the next to leave because she's getting tired and wants to lie down in her own bed. Shortly after they leave Zane takes Tris home so he can rest but everyone else stays. When Clare begins to tire of the crowd I carry her back to her room and put her in bed.

"Can I get you anything?" I ask her.

"I want to shower but I can't," she pouts.

"I can give you a sponge bath," I grin and she smiles.

"A sponge bath would be nice."

"Okay stay right here and I'll everything ready," I tell her. I leave her on her bed and then go to the living room waving Adam over but Drew comes too. "Clare wants to shower but since she can't do that yet I'm going to give her a sponge bath. So we'll be occupying the washroom for a while."

"Just remember she needs to rest," Drew says and I grimace at him.

I ignore Drew's comment and go into the kitchen to get some candles. I start the water and light the candles, when the water is warm I put in the stopper, I only filled it with a couple of inches of water so that it doesn't touch any of her incisions. I dim the lights since I could only find a few candles and we need to be able to see. Lastly, I get a fresh towel from the closet. I return to Clare's room but not to get her, to get her pajamas. I find her softest nightie and panties and put them in the washroom then return and pick Clare up carrying her into the washroom.

"I can walk you know," Clare remarks as I set her in the washroom.

"No you're supposed to rest besides I like holding you in my arms," I grin.

She's wearing loose sweats right now without undergarments and I carefully take those off and then kneel down to get her socks off. I take her hand and she steps into the bathtub and sits down slowly. When she gets comfortable I take the shower pouf from where it hangs and put some body wash on it. I start at her feet, lifting her left foot out of the bathtub and carefully washing it then doing the same with her right. She puts them back in the water to rinse them off and I slowly wash her legs to the upper thigh. I take a washcloth and rinse her legs. Then I wash and rinse each of her hands and arms, her neck and very carefully I wash her breasts and make sure no water gets near her incision. I have her sit up a little to get her back, when she's thoroughly washed I help her to stand and dry her off. I didn't wash the one part I really wanted to because I didn't want it to lead to anything and it would have. After helping her into her pajamas I pick her up and take her to her room once again.

"Will you get undressed and get in the bed to hold me please?" Clare requests.

"Happily my love," I smile.

I took off my jacket when we came in but I get off my shirt, jeans, socks, and shoes. Then I crawl on the bed and get under the covers, I let Clare get comfortable and then lie down next to her and wrap her in my arms. She puts her head on my chest and begins dragging her fingers over my chest.

"What are you thinking about?" I ask her after a few minutes and while softly rubbing her back.

"Nothing," she replies softly but quickly so I know she's lying. I also know she's pretty much always thinking about something except for when she's in orgasm.

"You know if you're thinking about Jeff you can tell me," I prod assuming that she doesn't want to tell me because she's thinking about Jeff.

"First of all, I would not be thinking about Jeff while lying with you practically naked in my bed. Secondly if I did tell you I was thinking about Jeff I think you'd be mad," she comments.

"I won't be mad. So if you weren't thinking about Jeff then why don't you want to tell me what you were thinking about?"

"Thinking about Adam," she replies.

"So lying nearly naked in bed with me you were thinking about your twin brother? I think I'd have liked it better if you were thinking about Jeff," I remark and she giggles.

"Not like that, somethings wrong I'm worried about him he seems sad or maybe even depressed, but he's trying to hide it."

"Clare he's been really worried about you. The whole time you were in the hospital we had to force him to leave the room for anything, he wouldn't hardly leave your bedside, eat or sleep. You're out of the hospital but you're not better yet and he's your twin if you're in pain or something he'd know. I'm sure once you're back at school and doing better he'll be happier," I assure her.

"Yeah I'm sure you're right. Didn't you meet with your probation officer today?" She questions changing the subject.

"Yeah and I found out what my community service will be, working with preschool kids. After school until March when wrestling begins and then I'll have to bring the practice and match schedule to my probation officer so we can work out when to do my community service."

"I can see you working with little kids, I think you'd be good at it. As long as you don't lose your temper."

"Don't remind me I have my first anger management class tomorrow," I grumble and Clare kisses my chest. I start to say something but there's a knock on her door and she calls to come in.

"Dinner's ready do you want to eat with us?" Paige asks poking her head in.

"Yeah we'll be out in a few minutes," Clare says and Paige smiles before closing the door again. "You'd better get dressed," Clare remarks.

"In this house I'm pretty sure I could eat in my boxers, Drew does it all the time but I'll at least get my jeans back on," I reply with a wry smile before I kiss her forehead and get out of bed.

"Can you get my robe I'm not getting dressed again and I'm not eating in my nightie," Clare says as I pull on my jeans.

"I wouldn't let you eat in your nightie anyway," I respond before walking to the door to get her robe from the hook on the door. Just as I get it down I hear Clare shriek in pain and I rush back to her. She's hunched over in bed and clutching her stomach.

"What happened?" I question putting my hand on her back.

"I started to get out of bed and a shooting pain went through my stomach," she tells me.

"Well yeah, because you had multiple surgeries and you're still healing from stitches and everything. Next time you need to move wait for me or one of us to help you," I scold her.

I help her get her robe on and tie it loosely. Then I pick her up and carry her out to the kitchen setting her down at the table. I sit next to her and we eat with everyone, Clare doesn't eat that much and she looks a little pale.

"Clare you okay?" Spinner asks her when she slumps down in her chair a bit.

"She tried to move on her own earlier and hurt her stomach. I think I should get you back to bed," I remark setting my fork down.

"Better make sure she didn't pop a stitch or something too," Owen remarks.

"She can hear you and I didn't pop stich it just hurts and I'm not that hungry," Clare responds glowering at us for talking like she's not there.

"You should lie down again anyway," I comment pulling Clare's chair back and picking her up. I take her back to her room and lie her on the bed. I return to the to the kitchen and get my plate going back to Clare's room and finishing my dinner sitting at her desk. "Do you need your pain meds?"

"No it feels better to lie down."

When I finish eating I sit on the bed and help her get her robe off, "Lie back."

"I was going to do that anyway what did you have in mind?" Clare questions while I hang her robe back up.

"I want to look at your abdomen and make sure that you didn't hurt yourself worse than you think," I reply sitting on the bed again.

"I just shouldn't have moved so fast I'm fine," she asserts.

"And I just want to make sure," I insist lifting her nightie to look at her abdomen. She hasn't popped a stitch and it looks just as it looked when I gave her the sponge bath so I think she's okay, of course I'll keep a close eye on her tonight. I kiss her belly and pull her nightie back down.

I take my plate to the kitchen and Clare wants to watch a movie so I put one in her laptop and set it at the of her bed. Clare falls asleep before the movie is even over, when it ends I turn off the laptop and set it back on her desk. I brush my teeth, get ready for bed, take off my jeans and get in the bed with Clare wrapping her in my arms.

"Good night my love," I whisper kissing her temple, "I don't know what I would do without you."

**Look no cliffhanger! Update soon picking up most likely the next day with Owen or Adam's pov and including Lucas' pov.**


	47. Let's Make a Promise, Baby

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**Ch. 47 Let's Make a Promise, Baby**

**(ADAM)**

"But I'm going to be so bored staying here, isn't being in the hospital for a week rest enough?" I hear Clare complaining from her room.

"No you died and the doc said for you to take it easy so you're going to take it easy. I will be here with you, then Lucas will be here at ten and people will be over after school," Spinner tells her.

"You need to actually relax, if I get a phone call that you tried to move or something I will come back from school to yell at you," I warn her poking my head into my sister's room and she sticks her tongue out at me.

"I love you too," I laugh before leaving her room.

"If it was anyone else they'd be happy to have the break from school," Maya comments as she comes out of my room.

"Yeah but Clare isn't anyone else," I reply.

The rest of us get ready for school and eat some breakfast before leaving for school. Maya and I ride with Fitz in his car, Drew and Bianca go in his car. Fitz starts his community service after school so he needs his car. We know Tris is coming back to school today and we find Zane waiting in the foyer so we wait with him. We ask if there's any news on Riley and he tells us Riley is the same, Zane asks about Clare and we tell him she's good and eager to get back to school and then we see Owen walking in with Tris.

"Hey guys," Tris grins coming in.

"You look great how do you feel?" Zane asks.

"I feel good," Tris smiles.

"I'll carry your books to your first period class," Zane offers. Tris smiles and Owen hands Zane Tristan's backpack. A bunch of the Ice Hounds come in and I put my arm around Maya, but she looks over at the Ice Hounds and shrugs my arm off before running after Tris and Zane.

"Hold up I'll come with you guys I have the same homeroom," Maya calls to them.

"That was odd," Drew speaks my feelings.

"Yeah she's been a little distant lately," I reply as we all start walking to our lockers.

"Problems?" Owen questions.

"No, I mean I don't think so but I was pretty stressed with Clare in the hospital and I yelled at Maya. I apologized for that though and I thought we were good again. But she's been acting a little strange, like she either can't be with me enough or can't be far enough away from me."

"You should talk to her," Fitz advises patting my shoulder before he walks off to his locker. I know he's right but I'm a little afraid to talk to her, I feel like in some ways she's been pulling away from me since the Ice Hounds came and my fear is that she wants to break up. Heaving a heavy sigh I open my locker to get out my books.

When I get to homeroom Jenna and K.C. ask about Clare. Alli asks when Clare is coming back to school and I tell her that she'll be back next week for half the day. Classes are kind of lonely without my twin, at lunch I stash my backpack and walk to Maya's locker to find her.

"You want to eat lunch at The Dot?" I ask my girlfriend.

"Yeah sure," she shrugs.

We start walking to The Dot and when we pass the Ice Hounds she takes my hand and interlaces our fingers. I start to ask her what's going on but K.C. and Jenna join us, we eat lunch with them and I never do ask Maya what's going on with her. After lunch I walk Maya to her locker before going to my locker to get my books and go to 3rd period music class, Jenna and K.C. are in this class with me.

"We're meeting Joey and Caitlin for our prenatal at four but I was thinking they could pick us up from your house so we could see Clare for a bit," Jenna tells me when we leave third period.

"Cool, I know she'll be happy for the company after being forced to stay home all day," I respond. I wave to them as they walk to their last period class and I walk to my fourth period forces of nature class.

We read from our textbooks and watch a movie then are given a project due next week. I leave fourth period, grab a couple books from my locker and go out to the front to wait for the others. Owen waves to me before he walks to the Ice Hounds bus. Zane and Tris tell me to say hi to Clare, they're going to the hospital to see Riley and then going to Tristan's house. Jenna and K.C. are the next ones out and they wait with me, Fitz waves before he leaves for his community service, Drew and Bianca come out and finally Maya comes out. We all get into Drew's car, Maya sits on my lap in the back, and he makes the short drive to our house.

"We're home," Drew calls as soon as we're inside.

"She's all yours, I had to fight her to stay in bed most of the day," Lucas tells us walking out of Clare's bedroom holding her in his arms. Lucas kisses Clare's cheek and hands her to Drew. "I'll be over tomorrow, I gotta get home and get ready for work. See ya kids," Lucas waves before leaving.

"Have you eaten?" Drew asks as he sets Clare on the sofa. Jenna and K.C. sit next to her and Bianca goes into the kitchen.

"I had some lunch but I am a little hungry," Clare replies.

"Already making a snack," Bianca calls from the kitchen and Drew grins.

"So how was school?" Clare asks.

K.C. and Jenna start telling her about school and I pull Maya's hand so she'll come with me into my room. I shut my door and pull Maya to the bed sitting with her, I keep a hold of her hand but she won't look me in the eye and is fingering a hole in her jeans.

"Something's going on I know it is. You either run from me or want to be closer to me every time the Ice Hounds are around. At times you pull away from me and at other times it's like you can't get enough of me. Are you still mad at me for yelling when Clare was in the hospital? Do you want to break up so you can date an Ice Hound?" I question but the words hurt coming from my mouth and when she looks away I feel a pang in my heart.

"I don't want to break up Adam," she says quietly.

"Then what's going on?" I question.

"I just…" she begins and then stops and she still won't look at me.

"Maya talk to me please I know you're holding something back," I urge her.

"I…it's umm…" she trips over a response and still won't look at me, I worry that she's trying to think of a response and still isn't telling me the truth. "I've been thinking about sex lately," she finally says and I laugh.

"Is that all? Why didn't you say something?" I query tipping her chin up to look at me but she still fights meeting my gaze.

"Well it's not like we can, I mean you won't even take your top off in front of me," Maya replies.

"Yeah because I'm still in a girl's body and I don't want you to think of me that way. Just because we can't have sex doesn't mean there's nothing we can do. Stay over tonight and I'll show you," I insist and she finally meets my eyes and grins.

"Okay," she nods.

"Good now let's go out there before Clare comes looking for us," I tell her before snatching her lips for a tender kiss.

**(OWEN)**

"Owen wake up," Tris says shaking me and interrupting the wonderfully sexy dream I was having about Vanessa.

"What? What's going on? Who's hurt?" I ask quickly as I sit up. It's still dark outside so the only reason he could be waking me this early is if someone is hurt.

"No one is hurt Zane just called and Riley's awake can you take me to the hospital?" Tris pleads.

I grab my phone from the nightstand to look at the time, "Yeah let me get dressed."

"Thanks Owen I'll meet you in the living room," Tris says before leaving my room.

It's a little before 4:30 in the morning but Riley's parents did promise to call Zane as soon as Riley woke up. They still don't know about the threesome relationship, they don't even know that Riley is gay they just think the three of them are very close friends and that after suffering the beating together they're worried about Riley.

I throw on some clothes and when I get to the living room Tris is leaving a note for Mom and Dad. We lock up as we leave getting into my car and driving to the hospital. I park and follow Tris inside, it's obviously past visiting hours but between Tris, Riley and Clare all being in here in the last few weeks I'm pretty sure the entire staff knows us now. When we get to Riley's room we see Zane outside the room, leaning against the wall.

"Hey," Zane says hugging Tris and nodding to me, "his parents asked me not to go in yet."

"Have they said anything? How is he?" Tris asks rapidly.

"I don't know anything yet, his mom was sleeping here and she called me right after calling his dad. When I got here his parents stopped me at the door and said the doctor was looking at him and I couldn't see him yet. His mom was crying but I don't know if it was happy or sad tears," Zane tells us.

"Hey he's awake that's good news right?" I comment because they both look worried.

"Yeah that's definitely good news," Zane nods.

We wait in silence for a while, leaning against the wall. When the door opens and a doctor comes out we try to peak in but Riley's dad walks out and then his mom steps out and looks at us.

"Thank you boys for coming. You can come in and see Riley but there is a couple things you need to know first," his mom tells us with a heavy sigh. I know it's not good news and I put a hand on my brother's shoulder. "His head trauma caused some significant brain damage, Riley has some amnesia and he's lost some motor skills, and speech. He's almost like a toddler again, he recognizes me and his father but he may not know who you are, we're not sure how bad the amnesia is yet. I need to speak to my husband but you boys can go in and see Riley for a few minutes."

"Thanks Mrs. Stavros," I reply putting my other hand on Zane's shoulder and directing the two of them into Riley's room.

Riley is awake, sitting up in bed a little, his expression is happy but it's also very little kid like. Tris and Zane are shocked but are trying not to show it, with my hands still on their shoulders I feel them tense up. Neither seems able to speak, and while Riley looks happy to see them he also doesn't seem to be able to place them. Since neither Tris nor Zane seem to be able to break the silence I decide that I had better.

"Hi Riley, how you doing?" I ask him.

"Hi," Riley smiles and waves.

"Hey Riley do you know who we are?" Zane asks cautiously.

"No," Riley shakes his head, "are you m…m…my friends?" It takes a while for Riley to ask the question and he stutters a little. It's a struggle for him and it's hard for even me to watch I know how much it must be hurting Tris and Zane.

"Yeah," Zane nods and then clears his throat so he can speak clearly, "yeah Riley we're your friends."

Riley smiles but doesn't say anything else and we're getting uncomfortable as no one really knows what to say, Riley is like a child, he doesn't remember us. Thankfully Riley's mom comes back in and saves us from having to think of anything to say.

"Okay boys Riley needs to rest, you can come back later to see him," Riley's mom tells us.

"Bye Riley," we all wave.

"Bye bye," he says slowly trying to wave but it looks more like a toddler waving. As we leave the room all I can think of is Riley on the football field, his athleticism and strength, but now because of some assholes beating my brother and his boyfriends because they're gay Riley will never get his life back the way it was.

"Let's go to The Dot, Spin is opening we can get in and get some coffee," I comment as we walk out to the parking lot.

"Yeah I could use some coffee," Zane nods.

"Why don't you leave your car here, we'll go in my car and you guys can get a ride over here after school," I suggest and Zane nods.

We get in my car and I drive us to The Dot, the bakers have been here since four and Spin usually gets here at five to open. I park and we go to the front door, I knock and Spin looks through the blinds before opening the door.

"What are you three doing up so early?" Spin asks as we come in.

"Riley woke up, we need coffee," I reply as Tris and Zane sit at a table.

"I would think Riley waking up would be a good thing," Spinner remarks as he turns off the coffee machine.

"Yeah," I nod following him to the counter and looking back at Zane and Tris, "yeah it should have been but his brain damage was pretty severe. He doesn't remember them and he's like a kid, his motor skills and speech are impaired, he's not Riley anymore."

"Geez that sucks," Spin sighs.

When the coffee is done Spin pours three mugs and I bring them to Tris and Zane with sugar and cream. We sit and drink the coffee while Spinner opens the café, after two cups and a little bit to eat I run Zane home so he can change for school and grab his backpack. Then he comes home with us while Tris and I do the same. While we change Zane tells our parents about Riley. It's not even eight by the time we're all ready but I still take us to school.

"We should tell Principal Simpson about Riley, I'm not sure that Riley's parents thought to call," Zane comments when we go inside the school.

"Yeah probably not, you want me to go with you?" I ask.

"No we can do this," Tris tells me.

I walk to my locker and stash my backpack then go to the foyer to wait for the gang or my team. I sit on the steps of the foyer watching the front doors. The first people in are Jenna and K.C. so I tell them. When Fitz, Bianca, Drew, Adam and Maya arrive I tell them about Riley. Jeff and Dallas arrive a short time later and I go with them, they don't really know Riley so I don't tell them. Before the bell rings I go back to my locker to get my backpack.

"Hey you look upset," Vanessa says coming over to me.

"Riley woke up but he's severely brain damaged, he doesn't remember Tris or Zane. They're pretty upset about it but I also don't think they've fully processed it," I tell her.

"Yeah something like that would be hard for anyone to process, but they were hiding their relationship from Riley's family. It's gotta be so hard on them," Vanessa replies kissing my cheek as the bell rings. "Walk me to class?" Vanessa asks.

"Of course," I grin putting my arm around her and walking her to homeroom. I kiss her at the door and walk to my homeroom native studies class.

"I texted Clare and told her about Riley, she's going to call Tris at lunch," Fitz tells me when I get into class and I nod.

I find it hard to concentrate all morning, my mind goes between thinking about Tris and his boyfriends and what happens now, to thinking about me and Vanessa, to for whatever reason thinking about Clare, Fitz and Jeff. At lunch I go find Vanessa deciding I want to eat lunch with her alone.

"Hey Gorgeous," I smile finding her at her locker, "we should have lunch alone."

"Sounds good to me," she grins. I buy us both lunch and we take it into the memorial garden, there's a couple niners in here but I kick them out. "How's your brother?" Vanessa asks as we begin eating.

"Not sure I haven't seen him since this morning. I'm sure he's with Zane and I know Clare was going to call him at lunch. I'll check in with him after we eat."

"How's Clare doing?"

"She's good, besides being in a love triangle and being bored out of her mind at home. Jenna's birthday is Thursday and they're doing a dinner for her that night at the Mason house if you want to come?"

"I'd love to, as long as I'm not crashing Jenna's birthday."

"No you wouldn't be crashing, you'd be my date," I tell her and she grins.

We finish eating and I walk her to her locker and embrace her lips in a tender kiss before I leave her. I find my brother with Zane under the front stairs. They still look sad and a little blank. I ask how they're doing but all they can do is shrug. I don't really concentrate in third period either but I have a spare last period and so does Vanessa so we spend it together, somehow being with her makes everything better and by the time it's time to leave for practice I'm able to clear my head. I do concentrate in practice and when I get home Tris is home.

"Hey little bro did you go see Riley after school?" I ask sitting with him on the sofa.

"Yeah we did but it's not Riley anymore," Tris sighs, "he doesn't remember us. He's like a toddler. His parents are going to send him to a group home for other kids like him when he gets out of the hospital. Zane and I broke up with him, no that's not even right because he doesn't even realize he was in a relationship with us, he doesn't remember. But we couldn't stay with him."

"No you couldn't, you and Zane are still dating though?"

"Yeah, we still like each other and we're going to try and make it work."

"It really sucks about Riley, you know I'm here if you want to talk," I tell Tris and he nods.

"I know thanks big bro."

I tousle his hair and get off the sofa, grabbing the dinner Mom left for me and take it back to my room to do my homework. I find it hard to concentrate though as my mind keeps wandering to the uncertainty of life. I think about our gang at the end of summer at that beach BBQ and how much things have changed since August, I wonder how much more change is in store for all of us.

**(LUCAS)**

"You know the doctor said I can go on walks," Clare tells me when I catch her trying to put on her shoes Wednesday afternoon.

"Spin didn't say anything about walks," I retort taking her shoes.

"If I don't move my muscles are going to atrophy," she pouts jutting out her lip in a pathetic puppy dog look.

"Fine," I give in, it's hard to say no to that look it's one of the reasons she has so many of us wrapped around her finger. "Down the block, slowly and on my arm," I tell her putting her shoes on for her.

"Thanks Lucas," she grins.

"If you look tired or falter once I will pick you up and bring you straight back here," I tell her and she nods. With her shoes on I take her hands and help her up, she links her arm with mine and we walk slowly out of her house.

"So are you bringing Mia to Jenna's birthday tomorrow?" Clare asks.

"Of course," I grin, "we'll have to leave on the early side so I can get to work though. Tonight is my night off."

"It's also a school night so the party will be over by nine or ten anyway and Spin is insistent that I rest so I'm sure he'll kick out anyone not sleeping over no later than ten."

"You need to rest you died," I remind her and she grimaces at me.

"Why does everyone keep reminding me of that whenever I try to do anything?"

"Because you died and me and Adam were there," I tell her and she just bites her lip. We walk about half a block but then her legs begin to shake and I can tell she's getting tired. "Alright that's enough for today. If you're exhausted and unable to move when everyone gets home from school I won't be able to keep you company anymore," I remark as I pick her up.

I carry her back to her house and set her on the sofa. I get her some water and sit down with her, she has the TV on and we watch until Adam, Bianca, Drew and Maya get home from school.

"I gotta get home, Mia's coming over after school and I'm making dinner for her. I'll be over tomorrow," I tell Clare kissing her cheek.

I say goodbye to the others and go out to my car driving to the grocery store. It's a little after three and Mia is coming around five. I have just enough time to shop and make my mom's famous chicken before Mia arrives. It's about the only dish I know how to make that doesn't involve pasta. I do the shopping and get home, I get the chicken potatoes and onions in the roasting pan in the oven, take a quick shower and change. I check the chicken, start the green beans and get the table set. By the time Mia does actually arrive everything is ready. She knocks on the door and I answer, grinning at the vision of her when I open the door.

"You look great," I tell her taking her hand and pulling her into the apartment. I close the door and lock it while I capture her lips in a kiss.

"Thanks, you look very nice too," she smiles when I release her lips. "It smells great in here."

"Dinner's ready take a seat," I insist.

Mia sits down and I get the chicken carving it up and putting it on a platter with the potatoes, onions and green beans arranged around it. I take it out to the table and Mia smiles.

"It looks amazing."

"Thanks, it my mom's famous chicken and it's the only dish that my mom taught us both to make that doesn't involve boiling water for pasta. We did a lot of macaroni when I was little," I tell her while putting some chicken on her plate. I know she likes white meat so I put two of the thick breast slices on her plate. She gets as many vegetables as she wants and I serve myself before sitting down.

"This is great you're really a good cook," Mia says and I laugh.

"No just this and macaroni, and I make a mean salami sandwich," I reply and she laughs. Mia takes another bite and we fall into silence, I watch her and she looks happy at first but then she seems to be worried about something, I can see stress in her eyes even though on her face she keeps that beautiful smile of hers. "Is something wrong? You seem a little distracted?"

"I'm sorry just…there's something I need to tell you," she says slowly.

"It looks like bad news, are you moving or something?"

"No, no not moving school is going great."

"So what is it? You're not seeing someone else are you?"

"No. Lucas no I love you," Mia says.

"I love you too so what is it? Please Mia you can tell me anything," I urge her.

"I'm pregnant," she tells me and my heart stops before it begins pounding out of my chest at these two little words. "Lucas please say something? We have options a…"

"No we don't," I refute as I snap out of the shock, "no we don't. K.C. and Jenna are giving their baby up for adoption because they're in high school. K.C. doesn't have a job and they live in a tiny apartment. I have a job, a good one, and we can get a two-bedroom apartment. Move in with me, I already asked you to move in with me. We are not aborting I want you and I want this baby."

"But I still have school," Mia argues weakly.

"Do you love me? Do you trust me? Do you want to be with me? Do you want this baby?"

"Yes to everything," Mia replies with a happy grin.

"Then we can do this. Move in with me, we will start looking for a two bedroom apartment. You'll probably have to take off a little bit of school right when the baby is born but I already work nights I can be home with the baby during the day and you'll have the night shifts, unless I'm off. I'm sure my mom will babysit sometimes, and Clare, Paige, Emma, probably Adam and maybe Maya would all be happy to babysit," I assert getting up and going over to Mia I kneel down and take her hand in mine. "Mia Jones will you please move in with me and raise my baby with me?"

"Yes Lucas," she grins happily, "yes I will."

I beam with a happy grin, a happiness like I've never felt. I pull her chair back and pick her up into my arms, crushing our lips together. Mia's arms go around my neck and I twirl around with her in my arms. Mia giggles but I set her down before she gets dizzy.

"We should tell people," I say excitedly and then look at our half-eaten dinner. "We should finish eating first," I comment and she giggles again. We sit down to eat again but neither of us can stop smiling, we're not eating much and we won't take our eyes off each other. "I'm too excited to eat, Mom should be off work you want to go over there and tell her with me? Or should we tell your mom first?" I ask.

"Let's tell my mom last but I would like to go tell your mom, she's nice and I'm sure she'll be happy," Mia replies.

We leave our half eaten dinner and go out to my car driving to my mom's place. I have a key still so I just open the door.

"Mom it's me and Mia," I call into the house.

"Hi kids, what are you doing here?" Mom greets as she comes out of the kitchen wiping her hands on a towel. She hugs me and kisses my cheek before hugging Mia. "Are you hungry? I was just heating up some dinner but I can throw something together."

"No we were eating we actually just left dinner to tell you some news. Mia's going to move in with me, we're getting a bigger apartment because Mia's pregnant," I tell Mom.

"I'm going to be a grandma?"

"Yeah, it was a shock and we've always been safe but condoms aren't a hundred percent effective. We're happy about it Mom, we want to be together and we want to have this baby," I tell her and Mom's smile grows a little bigger.

"Then I'm happy for both of you and I can't wait to be a grandma," Mom says hugging us both tightly and kissing Mia's cheek.

"Thanks Mom. I promise we'll come to dinner soon but right now we have more people to tell and I want to do it tonight," I tell Mom. She hugs us both again before we leave. "Do you want to call your mom?" I ask Mia as we begin driving.

"Let's call her when we get back to your apartment, who do you want to tell next?"

"My friends, all of them I want to tell the whole gang. They'll all be at the Mason's tomorrow for Jenna's birthday but I don't want to announce it on Jenna's birthday that's her day."

"Agreed," Mia nods.

"But a good portion of them are probably at the Mason's now so we can tell them and then we can maybe get Johnny, Em and Sean to meet us at Jay's place, Owen too if he's not at the Mason's. Jenna being pregnant and giving the baby up I'm not sure how she'll take the news."

"Let's tell the others first, it's not that late maybe K.C. and Jenna can meet us for dessert," Mia says and I grin.

We drive to the Mason house and I park out front, the door is rarely locked at this time of day so we walk right in. Adam, Maya, Owen, Drew and Bianca are in the living room.

"HEY EVERYONE GET OUT HERE WE HAVE NEWS," I yell into the house.

"It better be good news because I can't take any more bad news," Spinner says coming out of the kitchen with Paige.

"We're coming," Fitz calls coming down the hall behind a slow moving Clare.

"So what's the news?" Clare questions as Drew gets up so she can sit on the sofa.

"Hang on don't sit down I'll be hugging you in a minute," I tell Clare stopping her. So she leans on Fitz and he puts his arms around her instead.

"So don't leave us in suspense what's the news?" Owen asks.

"We're moving in together and we're pregnant," I tell them all with a beaming grin.

"That's fantastic news I love you two together," Clare squeals leaving Fitz's arms to hug Mia and I at the same time.

"Congratulations buddy it's great to hear some good news," Fitz says hugging Mia and me when Clare let's go of us.

"Awesome news, I've never seen you look so happy. You know we'll help you move," Spinner grins.

"I'll be happy to babysit," Paige smiles.

Everyone hugs us and gives us similar sentiments and congratulations. We thank them all and tell them we need to tell some more people still so we get going. I let Mia drive my car and I call Jay asking if we can come over and if he can get Johnny, Sean and Em over as well. Jay says to come on over and he'll call the others. When I hang up with Jay I call K.C. and it takes a couple rings before he answers.

"Hey Lucas."

"Hey what are you and Jenna up to in like forty-five minutes?"

"Uh homework," K.C. replies.

"Think you can take a break to get some dessert with me and Mia?"

"Yeah sure," K.C. says.

"Good I'll text you when we're leaving Jay's and we'll pick you up."

"Okay see you soon," K.C. responds before hanging up.

"K.C. and Jenna will meet us for dessert," I tell Mia and she smiles. When we reach Jay's place I see Sean's car but not Johnny's. Mia and I get out and I knock on the door, Jay opens it a few seconds later and steps aside to let us in.

"Johnny should be here in a few minutes. You want a beer or anything?" Jay asks.

"No we're good we're meeting Jenna and K.C. soon for dessert," I reply putting my arm around Mia.

"You're going to make us wait until Johnny gets here to tell us the news aren't you?" Sean asks.

"Yep," I nod just as there's another knock on the door. Jay opens the door and Johnny comes in.

"We wanted to tell you that we're moving in together and we're pregnant," I announce again.

"Congrats dude that's amazing," Jay grins.

"Yeah that's fantastic you two are great together," Johnny smiles.

"We're happy for both of you, if you ever need someone to take the baby overnight we'll be happy too," Emma says as she hugs us.

"Uh we will?" Sean asks and Emma elbows him. "Yeah of course we will," Sean corrects and hugs us.

"Thanks, we've told almost everyone else, speaking of which we need to go get K.C. and Jenna."

We say goodbye to them and I text K.C. that we're on our way. Mia and I get in my car and I drive us to the apartment building the Guthrie's live in, and Jenna lives in since moving in with them. I text K.C. that we're downstairs and they come out a couple minutes later. They still have homework and we still have a couple of phone calls to make so I don't want to take too long. I take them to a little coffee shop and buy us all coffee, hot chocolate and dessert.

"We have some good news but given you're situation we weren't sure how you'd take it. We're pregnant, we're happy about it and we're keeping the baby. We're going to get a bigger apartment and move in together," I tell the younger kids.

"That's great news, you guys make a good couple I'm happy for you," K.C. smiles.

"Yeah I'm happy for you too. Keeping the baby is not right for me and K.C. but we were blessed to find Joey and Caitlin to take the baby and that we'll be able to be involved. This is great news and I can tell you're both really happy about it," Jenna grins.

"Thanks, and for the record I do think you're doing the right thing," I tell them. We finish dessert and I take them home, we say goodnight and I drive Mia and I back to my place. "Should we call your mom or Jane first?" I ask Mia after locking the door.

"Let's call my mom," she says getting out her phone. She dials a number and puts it on speaker.

"Hi Sweetie," her mom answers.

"Hi Mom it's me and Lucas. We have some news," Mia tells her.

"Is this good news?"

"Well we think so and we're very happy about it," I speak up.

"I'm moving in with Lucas and we're pregnant," Mia tells her.

"We're happy about it and we're keeping the baby. I work nights and I can stay with the baby during the day so Mia can go to school," I assure her mom.

"Well I guess I'll be coming up this summer to meet you Lucas," Mia's mom comments.

"Absolutely you can stay with us, I'm sure Mia would love to have you here," I reply.

"As long as you're happy I'm happy for you as always Honey."

"Thanks Mom," Mia replies with a relieved grin. "We still have to tell Lucas' sister so I'll talk to you later, I love you."

"I love you too Mia."

We hang up with Mia's mom and I call Jane, only it goes straight to voicemail which either means she's working or studying. I leave a voice message asking Jane to call me back.

"I guess that's everyone, should we clean up from dinner?" Mia asks.

"I have a better idea," I reply picking her up into my arms with a devilish grin, "let's go celebrate."

Mia giggles before our lips connect and I carry her into the bedroom.

**Update soon probably starting with Jenna's birthday and including Lucas and Mia having dinner with his mom.**


	48. Until Now Gives Way to Then

**Thanks to everyone for the feedback for what should replace **_**Love Me Back to Life**_**. After some debate and considering all the input **_**Alone on a School Night**_** will replace **_**Love Me Back to Life**_**. Look for the premier after the next chapter of **_**Salvaged and Saved**_**.**

**Ch. 48 Until Now Gives Way to Then**

**(MIA)**

"Happy birthday Jenna," Lucas and I say together upon entering the Mason house. We hug Jenna together and set our gift on the table. Lucas was here earlier to be with Clare while everyone else was at work or school. He picked me up after class and we spent the afternoon at his place looking at bigger apartments online and applying to a few that we liked.

"Thanks I'm glad you both could come," Jenna smiles.

We greet everyone else, it looks like most people are here, only Owen and Tris have yet to arrive. The Masons are here of course, including Bianca and Maya, and Fitz who like Maya has practically moved in. Jay, Sean, Emma, Johnny and Samantha and of course K.C. are here. Jenna is walking around greeting people, rubbing her pregnant belly and I find myself unconsciously rubbing my own belly. Lucas smiles and kisses my cheek pulling me into his arms.

Owen arrives with Tris and Zane and they say Happy Birthday to Jenna. There's so many of us that they're setting up tables and chairs in the living room. Paige and Emma made Jenna chicken parmesan with green beans and garlic mashed potatoes, Lucas tells me it's her favorite. With such a big group there's three or four conversations going on and you can really only hear the people sitting close to you. Lucas and I are sitting at the far end with Spinner, Paige, Emma, Sean and Jay. We talk about Sean and Emma's ongoing wedding plans and about Lucas and I moving and finding a good apartment for us and the baby.

"Have you told Jane you got your girlfriend pregnant yet?" Jay asks.

"Yeah she was disappointed at first and lectured about safe sex but after we calmed her down she was happy for us," Lucas tells them.

"Well you can't blame her given how you were as a kid," Jay teases him.

"You should talk," Lucas shoots back.

"Yeah guess we didn't exactly set a good example for the younger ones," Jay remarks although he doesn't exactly sound sorry about this.

"Hey speak for yourself, Adam's only problem is he was born in the wrong body. He's never been in trouble he got into himself. Drew did mostly sports, the most he got into was a few fights," Spinner says defending his siblings; well most of them.

"And Clare?" I question glancing over at her a few seats down between Fitz and Adam.

"I love my sister, more than life, but she has attracted trouble from the minute she was born. Part of it is probably our fault, it didn't help that she was always surrounded by guys, but she was never a tomboy. Some of it she purposely got herself into and sometimes it finds her, like Reese. She's not the only one though, Fitz was always getting into trouble, Bianca did too for attention, Johnny lived off it for a while, Owen and K.C. have had their share. But for the most part we've all turned out pretty well," Spinner says with a proud smile toward his siblings.

After everyone is done eating I help clear the table and we put all of Jenna's presents on the table for her to open. She gets a lot of things for music and stuff for her to use after the baby is born. She likes all of her presents and after she opens them and we clear the table again we have cake. Since it's a work/school night for people the party is pretty much over after the cake. K.C. takes Jenna home with her presents, Maya goes home with them. Lucas and I say goodnight and return to his apartment. We spend some more time looking at apartments and filling out applications. We spend a few hours doing it, looking at various complexes and filling out the applications if we can afford it and it's one we like.

I have classes tomorrow and a lot of homework to finish so we get ready for bed and go to bed before it gets too late. I get into Lucas' bed and he wraps me in his arms, it feels so comforting and safe to be in his arms. He kisses my temple and I fall asleep contented and happy. I dream of a future with Lucas and our baby, a little house and a yard and a baby in our arms. I wake up with a smile and kiss Lucas to wake him up. He works nights so he's not used to getting up so early but he'll have to with a new baby. I get ready for school and he throws on some clothes and takes me to school.

"I love you," I smile giving him a soft kiss.

"I love you too. Text me when you're done, I'll pick you up," he says.

I nod and get out of the car, I haven't told anyone at school I'm pregnant yet but I meet with a guidance counselor today. I tell her I'm pregnant and that if the baby comes on time I'll only be a month into fall term. She suggests I take classes from home for that semester and can return for winter and spring term. Fall classes aren't out yet but she makes a note in my record and tells me to come see her again in a couple of months when fall classes are released.

I also tell a few of the friends I've made here and will tell my roommate and student housing that I'll be moving out soon. Lucas and I want to move in together as soon as possible so we have time living together before the baby is born. It's one thing for me to stay a few nights at Lucas' place but it will be a whole different thing living together full-time.

Everyone is shocked when I tell them I'm pregnant and moving in with Lucas, but when I assure them I'm happy so are they. When I finish classes I return to my dorm to get some clean clothes and some other stuff, and to tell my roommate about the pregnancy and moving out. She's happy for me and happy to have the room all to herself. I text Lucas and he comes to the dorm to get me and we return to his place.

"I made a few appointments with prospective apartments tomorrow, starting at ten," Lucas tells me.

"You don't even get home until three in the morning you won't get much sleep."

"I'll be alright, I don't work tomorrow night and being with you gives me energy," Lucas grins and I giggle. "Johnny called, he wanted to know if we wanted to have lunch with him and Samantha tomorrow between looking at apartments?"

"Yeah that sounds fun."

Lucas texts Johnny that we'll meet them tomorrow and will text them after the second appointment when we are sure to be ready for lunch. We make dinner together and then Lucas has to leave for work. He kisses me goodbye and I take a shower before starting on homework. I go to bed around one and get awoken a couple hours later when Lucas gets home. He kisses me when he gets into bed and I fall asleep again. His alarm wakes us both at nine, we get up and start getting ready, eat a light breakfast before leaving for the first apartment building. It looked nice on the website but when we get there it's very noisy. We look at another place, it's nice and the two bedroom is a good size, the apartment we look at is on the second floor and I wonder how long the apartment would work for us. We look around the grounds, it's a nice complex with a garden area and a pool that would be nice in the summer. It's after twelve now and our next appointment isn't until one so Lucas sends a text to Johnny and we meet them at Swiss Chalet for lunch.

"How's the apartment hunt going?" Samantha asks when we sit down to eat.

"The first place was too noisy; the last place was nice but we'd be on the second floor and I worry that once this kid is running around we'll be annoying the heck out of the downstairs neighbors. Still the complex was nice, we have three more to look at today and a few tomorrow before dinner with Evelyn," I tell them.

"I'm sure you'll find something, and you've still got a lot of time," Johnny comments.

"Yeah and if we don't find something this weekend we'll look next weekend. Did you hear from U of T yet Samantha?" Lucas asks.

"Yeah still waitlisted, they said I wouldn't get in this semester but I will start this summer. In the meantime, I got a job at a clothing store in the mall. It's not glamorous but the hours are flexible and I can save up some money. I love my aunt, uncle and cousin but I'm not sure how long Anya and I can share a room."

The four of us talk and eat, it's very nice and I really like both Johnny and Samantha. Lucas and I have to leave when we're done eating to get to our next appointment. Of the four places we look at today one stands out to me, it has everything we'd need for the next few years and the apartment is even on the first floor, and has a playground area and a pool. Lucas pays the background check fee and pays a deposit. We have 30 days to change our mind if we find something better but I doubt that we will. We pick up dinner on the way back to the apartment and eat in front of the TV. I sleep soundly in Lucas' arms again that night and we spend the day looking at apartments again on Sunday. A full day with five more complexes but none of them compare to the one we found yesterday. In our hearts we both know that's the one so Lucas says he'll call first thing in the morning to tell them we'll take it.

We arrive at Evelyn's house for dinner and she greets us both with warm hugs. She has dinner ready so we sit down and begin eating, she asks about the apartment hunting and we tell her about our favorite apartment and how the others compared.

"Jane called this morning, she'll be coming out for Spring Break," Evelyn tells us.

"I can't wait to meet her," I smile.

"And she's looking forward to meeting you. Have you made an appointment with a doctor yet?" Evelyn asks.

"No I hadn't even thought of it," I reply.

"You should look for one together, someone you're both comfortable with. Your first appointment will be very long so make it for a day when you both have a couple of hours. After that the appointments will be fairly quick and only a couple in the first trimester. As the pregnancy gets further along the appointments will be closer together. You'll need to do some careful planning and should probably take birthing classes and parenting classes wouldn't be a bad idea. It's trickier than you think to change a diaper and feed a baby."

"We'll definitely take some parenting classes. I'm happy but I have to admit that I'm scared to death," I comment.

"That's perfectly normal My Dear," Evelyn says with a kind smile and it's very comforting.

We have a nice dinner with Evelyn before Lucas takes me back to the dorm. I have a very early class or I would stay at his apartment but I don't want him to have to wake up at six to bring me.

"You know," I comment as we begin walking to my dorm room, "I'll probably need a car of my own to get to classes, possibly appointments."

"We'll find something. Sean and Jay are great mechanics I'm sure they can fix up anything and might even have a line on a good cheap car. I wish we could afford more," Lucas apologizes and I stop walking so he does as well.

"We'll make it work and I don't need a great car just one that works. I have you, we're having a baby, I'm happy and I love you," I assert looping my arms around his neck and crushing my lips to his passionately.

**(CLARE)**

"Hey get moving breakfast at The Dot," Drew hollers banging on my door as I'm getting dressed.

"Why? We have food here," I remark opening my bedroom door.

"Spin says to bring you to The Dot for breakfast," Drew shrugs.

"He already lectured me last night about everything I shouldn't do and not to stay past lunch," I huff.

"So he wants to go over it again. You di…"

"I died, I know, I know. Does dying mean I have to hear the same lectures over and over and be told the same things over and over. I'm eager to get back to my daily life but I'm also still in a lot of pain," I inform my middle brother and he furrows his brow at me.

"How much pain?"

"I can still go to school Drew it's nothing but walking and sitting," I remind him.

"If the pain gets too bad you'd better tell one of us," he says just as Mark comes out of the washroom.

"She's not allowed to carry her books and if she looks tired I'll carry her," Mark grins.

"We're leaving in ten for breakfast at The Dot," Drew tells him before going to Adam's room to make sure he's getting up.

I get on my shoes and brush my hair, Mark gets my backpack and Adam rides with us in Mark's car. Drew and Bianca take his car and we meet at The Dot. Just as suspected Spinner tells me again all the things I can't do or shouldn't do while healing, all stuff I've heard from him and the doctor before him but I listen and nod anyway.

"Home before the end of lunch, I'll be home by 1:15," Spinner reminds me.

"I know, Mark will bring me home at lunch and probably Adam will come with us, after we eat with the others of course."

Spinner smiles and we finish breakfast before making the very short drive down the street to the school parking lot. Mark gets my books from the back and we walk into school. Owen and most of the Ice Hounds are standing in the foyer, they do that a lot like they're establishing territory or something. They certainly all get a pack mentality when three or more of them are together. What's worse is most of them have alpha male personalities, which is typical of most sports but it's a wonder they don't kill each other.

"How you feelin'?" Owen asks leaving the pack to come over to us. Jeff and Dallas come over as well but Danny seems to be smirking at us for some reason.

"Good, ready to be back at school," I reply with a smile.

"You look better," Jeff grins.

"I didn't see you in the hospital but you look pretty good for someone who died," Dallas says with a playful grin.

"Thanks," I reply.

"I guess you'll be leaving at lunch so I won't see you in drama," Jeff comments.

"Yeah only back for half days but the doctor said I might be able to return to full days next week if I feel up to it."

"Good, hopefully you can," Jeff replies.

"I hope so too. We should get to my locker," I say hanging onto Mark's arm as standing still is becoming uncomfortable.

"You okay?" Mark asks putting an arm around me.

"Yeah fine it's just not comfortable to stand for too long," I reply.

Everyone moves out of the way so we can walk, Mark keeps his arm around me and I keep hold of his arm. Drew and Bianca leave us to go to their lockers but we see K.C. and Jenna at their lockers when get there.

"Where's Maya?" Adam asks K.C. as he opens his locker.

"Home sick," K.C. tells him.

"Let's get you to class," Mark says after getting my books from my locker.

Adam, Jenna and K.C. come with us because the four of us have the same homeroom. Mark walks me to my desk, sets my books on the desk and kisses me before walking to his own homeroom. Mr. Armstrong welcomes me back to class before starting the lesson. All I need is my notebook and a pencil. I leave my backpack on the desk because taking it off and having to bend over or lift it back up if I need something else from it would be too much moving. Adam and I have science together next and he gets my backpack, I've been strictly forbidden from carrying anything heavier than my dinner plate for the time being. Science, unlike math, requires doing things but Adam and I are lab partners so he does most of it. Mr. Bettenkamp, like all my other teachers knows what happened so he says nothing of Adam doing all the work.

"You ready for lunch?" Adam asks as I slide off my stool but when I hiss in pain he gives me a worried look.

"I'm okay, just haven't moved really in the last two weeks and I'm stiff," I assure him.

"That's not it. I'm your twin you can't fool me," Adam scowls.

"I'm okay Adam, it hurts but I'm alright. I didn't realize how much I actually moved at school. Besides I'm going to eat with you guys and then Mark will take me home."

"You want one of your pain pills?" He asks as we walk out of class.

"No they make me sleepy. If I need to I'll take one when I get home."

Adam drops it and we meet the others in the memorial garden to eat lunch. Drew, Bianca and Mark are already here and I sit down leaning against Mark and taking up the rest of the bench. Owen comes in with in with Vanessa while Adam lifts my feet putting them on his lap. Owen and Vanessa sit with Drew and Bianca just as K.C. and Jenna come in. Everyone starts eating and Adam hands me my lunch from my backpack. I take it but I don't open it and Adam scowls at me again.

"I'm just not hungry, I did eat breakfast," I remind him.

"Why aren't you eating?" Drew questions now that his attention has been drawn to it.

"She hurts," Adam answers for me and now pretty much everyone is scowling at me.

"Okay I think it's time to get you home to rest," Mark says putting his lunch down.

"But I…"

"No Fitz is right, you're here for morning classes and you were now go home. You need to rest, I can always call Spinner," Drew threatens.

"Fine I'm going home," I sigh.

I get up slowly and everyone either says they'll see me tomorrow or they'll see me after school. I wave and leave the memorial garden.

"I'm just going to put my backpack in my locker, you want me to stash yours Adam?" Mark asks.

"Yeah thanks," Adam says handing his backpack to Mark, "we'll meet you at the front."

Mark nods and turns to walk down the hall to their lockers. Adam and I start walking to the front but suddenly Anya is in front of us.

"Hi Clare, Jeff said you were feeling better," Anya smiles.

"I am thanks, but only here for half a day Mark's just about to take me home," I reply and Anya nods before looking at Adam.

"Adam I wanted to tell you that I thought it was really sweet and noble the way you stayed at Clare's bedside when she was in the hospital," Anya grins making flirty eyes at Adam. Usually Adam is oblivious to girls flirting with him but he seems to notice Anya flirting because he grins back, his eyes lighting up a little. Before Adam can stumble over a response to Anya Mark returns.

"Let's get you home," Mark says putting his arm around me. "Hey Anya," Mark nods to her before we leave. The three of us go out to Mark's car and he drives us home. Adam brings in my backpack and Mark walks me to my room, I sit on the bed and kick off my shoes.

"Okay now I'll take one of my pain pills," I tell Adam when he sets my backpack down.

"You need anything else? I can stay until Spinner gets home," Mark offers while Adam gets out a pill and hands it to me. I take the pill and swallow it with a sip of water from the water bottle on my nightstand.

"No the pill will put me to sleep, you'll be here right after school won't you?" I ask Mark.

"Nowhere else I'd want to be," Mark grins.

"Spin will be home in forty-five minutes but if you need something before then text Jay or Lucas," Adam tells me.

"I know, I'll be okay," I assure them both.

Mark gives me a tender kiss before he and Adam leave. I hear the front door and close my eyes; the pain pill hasn't taken effect yet and I'm pretty tender. I lie still waiting for the pain pill to do its job but when I hear my window opening my eyes open again. I see Jeff crawling in the window and I smile.

"You should be at school, wait did you follow us home?"

"No, but I heard from Anya that Fitz and Adam were taking you home and I wanted to see you. I was fairly certain that they'd return to school for the rest of lunch and third period," Jeff smirks getting on the bed with me.

"You know Spinner will be home soon," I comment.

"Am I supposed to be afraid of Spinner?"

"You're not supposed to be caught in my room, you're not my boyfriend," I remark.

"I'm not your boyfriend yet," Jeff smirks crawling over to join his lips to mine.

"Jeff, I love Mark you can't keep kissing me when I have a boyfriend," I assert pushing him away.

"Then break up with him and be with me. I know you love Fitz but I know you love me too. It's not fair to any of us for you to stay with him," Jeff insists sitting down next to me. "You know how I feel about you Clare, and I know you feel the same. You lost your virginity to me, I know that means something," he says in a tone that manages to be pleading and demanding all at once.

"Of course it does. I wanted it to be with you but that was a long time ago and Mark was still in juvie," I remind him.

"And if he was in juvie still when I transferred to DeGrassi? Or if I had been here since the beginning of the year and not an hour away?"

"But Mark wasn't in juvie in January and you weren't at DeGrassi from the beginning of the year. You showed up without telling me and now you're asking me to choose," I huff in response as I cross my arms.

"I'm not asking you to choose me over him, I'm asking you to break up with him and be with me because I live here now. Because it's only fair to all of us if you and I are allowed to explore what we have and how we feel. For us to be together and not just having fun, writing letters, and escaping. Don't you want to know if this is real Clare?" He pleads taking my hand with both of his.

All I can do is bite my lip and look away. I don't know how to respond to that. It was easy when Jeff was an hour away, when Mark was in juvie, when I had them both and yet didn't have either of them.

"I can't just break up with Mark," I say after the silence feels like it's suffocating.

"You want me to talk to him?"

"No I…I need some time think and you need to get back to school," I assert. Jeff lets out a sigh before placing his fingers under my chin and forcing me to look at him.

"You know I love you Clare," he says before leaving me with a soft kiss on my lips.

When he's gone through my window I close my eyes again. The pain pill has taken effect and it's making me sleepy, coupled with a morning of more activity than I anticipated and Jeff's romantic, yet pleading gesture, I'm exhausted and quickly fall to sleep. It's not a peaceful sleep, instead I'm thrust into a tumultuous dream and I wake suddenly sitting up rapidly.

"OWWWW!" I shriek out in a painful cry as the rapid, but unintentional, movement sends a shock of pain through my abdomen.

"What happened? What's wrong?" Spinner asks running into my room in a panic.

"I sat up too fast waking from a dream," I tell him holding my stomach. He comes to the bed and guides me to lie down gently. While he lifts my shirt to look I wonder if the tears wetting my face are from the pain or the dream?

"Well it doesn't look like anything popped but you'd better lie still for a bit. You want to come out to the living room and watch some TV?" He asks and I nod. Spin picks me up and I suck in a painful breath as even that hurt, he sets me carefully on the sofa and hands me the remote. By the clock on the cable box I know I was asleep for about two hours which means Spin has been home for over an hour. "Adam gave you a pain pill right when you got home so you can't have another just yet but I can give you some ice and some Ibuprofen," Spin offers.

"Yes please, it really hurts."

"I'll check it again in about half an hour, you may have ripped the internal sutures or something," Spinner tells me before he goes into the kitchen.

He gives me the ice pack wrapped in a towel and a glass of water. The ice is soothing but the pressure of the ice pack actually hurts a little. Spinner returns with some Ibuprofen and hands it to me, I swallow it and find something to watch on TV. I watch TV absentmindedly for a little over an hour before the door opens and Mark comes in with Adam, Drew and Bianca. Spinner took the ice pack after twenty minutes and looked at my stomach again but he said it looked okay.

"What did you do?" Adam asks me as they all set their stuff down.

"Inadvertently sat up too quickly when waking up from a from a dream," I reply.

"Don't do that," Adam scolds.

"You okay?" Mark questions sitting down and my feet and putting them on his lap.

"It hurts, Spinner gave me some ice and a pain reliever but I couldn't have another pain pill yet," I reply.

"Actually you can have another one now if you need it," Spinner says. I start to sit up and hiss in pain again. "I'll take that as a yes," Spinner comments.

Spinner gets me another pain pill and I fall asleep to the TV while the others do homework. I get woken up when it's time for dinner, we all eat in the living room and I sit up slowly so no pain this time. I do not eat much however and after dinner Mark and I go back to my room. He has homework to finish but I haven't even begun on mine. I sit on my bed and get comfortable while he gets out our books for us to do homework. It takes me a couple hours to finish it all and Mark finishes before me. When Mark is done with his homework I ask him to hold me and he does of course. When I'm done with my homework I'm tired and we both get ready for bed, in my bed and I get into Mark's arms.

"You know I love you," I tell him.

"I know," he grins kissing my forehead, "I love you too, more than anything."

"I know," I reply quietly looking down at his chest and softly dragging my fingers over his belly.

"Clare what's wrong? What was your dream about this afternoon?"

"Nothing, I'm just tired," I tell him. I am tired but I don't tell him that after Jeff's visit my mind and heart are in turmoil.

Mark strokes my back gently until his breathing gets heavy and regular and his hand stops. I try to sleep, for at least two hours I lie there and try to sleep but it doesn't come. I hear the house go quiet and I know it's late, I still can't sleep and I carefully get out of Mark's arms. I manage to move without causing myself too much pain and I tiptoe out of my room and go into Adam's, I already know my twin is awake so I'm not surprised to find Adam sitting in his bed on his phone.

"Maya won't talk to me I think something's wrong," Adam sighs setting down his phone. Before he clicks the button to put it to sleep I see a bunch of texts sent by Adam and no responses from Maya.

"She's not the only girl out there Adam," I remind him as I carefully sit on his bed and he moves over for me. "Anya was flirting with you just this afternoon."

"Anya was just being nice," Adam disputes.

"Adam she was not, she was flirting. Lots of girls flirt with you Adam they just get frightened sometimes when they find out about you, but Anya already knows about you and she was most definitely flirting with you. You don't have to stay with Maya because she's part of our group of friends and you've sort of been matched since being kids."

"Words of wisdom you should maybe be heeding yourself?" Adam asks.

"I don't know," I groan.

"What does your heart want?" Adam inquires.

"That's the problem my heart wants them both. I love Mark and I love Jeff, I want to be with them both. It worked for Tris, Zane and Riley but I know Jeff and Mark would never agree to such a thing. I don't want to break up with Mark, I don't want to hurt him and I don't want to lose him. But I love Jeff too, and I don't want to lose him or hurt him either. I love them both in the same way and in entirely different ways. I don't know what to do Adam. Jeff was here this afternoon pleading for me to break up with Mark to be with him."

"I know Fitz loves you and I know he'll be hurt if you break up with him but you won't lose Fitz if you break up with him. But if you're having doubts you need to talk to Fitz, be honest with him. If you keep feeling doubts Fitz is going to feel those doubts. If you never explore what you have with Jeff and you stay with Fitz then Jeff will eventually move on to someone else, and if you're jealous when Jeff does then Fitz will see that too and that will hurt."

"I know you're right, I just don't want to hurt Mark," I huff putting my head on Adam's shoulder.

"Whether or not you break up with him Fitz is going to be hurt if he's always wondering if you're thinking about Jeff. You need to talk to him to Clare," Adam urges.

"I'll talk to Mark if you talk to Maya," I bargain.

"Yeah I know I need to talk to her too," Adam nods.

"You didn't tell me what's going on with you and Maya," I comment.

"I don't know what's going on. She's been kind of distant and we fought about it and then she told me she was horny and I thought that was it, because she didn't want to tell me you know? I ate her out and things were good for a few days but then she started getting distant again, went home with K.C. on Jenna's birthday Thursday and she's barely spoken to me since," Adam sighs.

"Remember Adam she's not the only girl out there."

"Yeah I know," he nods and we're silent for a few minutes. "So what was this dream you had that woke you suddenly and caused so much pain?" Adam inquires.

"It started with me in Mark's arms but were in a light and it was dark all around us. Then Jeff called to me and stepped into the light and I left Mark's arms to go to Jeff. As soon as I was in Jeff's arms Mark disappeared and I started calling to him, I could hear his voice but it got fainter. I left Jeff's arms to find Mark and then I got swallowed by the dark calling for both of them," I tell Adam and he reaches over taking my hand.

"Whatever happens you're not going to lose Fitz's friendship Clare, he cares about you too much," Adam assures me.

"I hope not. I couldn't take it if I lost him but I will talk to him, soon."

**Update soon probably starting the following day and likely including an Ice Hounds game. Updated next is **_**Hold Me Now and Don't Let Go**_**.**


	49. The World is Cracked, The Sky is Torn

**Be sure to check out the premiere of my newest story **_**Alone on a School Night **_**which is up. **

**Remember to check out the DeGrassi Saviors website for clues for the latest story, the 200 pictures gallery as well as news. Some of you may already know I'm beginning to take some of my stories from here and convert them to be publishable works; in other words taking out anything with a copywrite or otherwise owned by someone else. I'll be posting more on this later and have links on the DeGrassi Saviors page, as well as possibly my profile page.**

**This chapter contains possible trigger warnings read with caution.**

**Alright enjoy this chapter!**

**Ch. 49 The World is Cracked, The Sky is Torn**

**(MAYA)**

"Maya we need to go," K.C. calls to me.

"Coming," I reply splashing water on my face. I take a deep breath to stop from shaking and for a second think about staying home again. I'd stayed home from school the last three days and as tempting as it was to stay home there was something I had to do today.

"We're gonna be late for the bus, if you're still not feeling well you should stay home," K.C. tells me when I leave the washroom and grab my backpack.

"No I'm okay, let's go."

K.C. puts his arm around Jenna and we leave the apartment making it downstairs just as the bus pulls up. I spend the entire ride thinking and barely notice when the bus stops at school. When we get inside I see our gang in the foyer, even Owen is with them this morning and he's usually with the Ice Hounds. When Adam sees me he smiles and I wish I could return the smile, I attempt a smile but I'm sure I don't quite manage it. He still comes over and puts an arm around my shoulders.

"How are you feeling? I was worried about you," Adam says and my heart aches.

"I know I'm sorry I was really sick and could barely leave the bed," I apologize meekly unable to look into Adam's soft blue eyes. "I need to go to my locker and speak with my teachers about the days I missed," I tell him.

"You want me to go with you?" Adam offers.

"No that's okay, I'll see you at lunch," I reply and turn to him to kiss his cheek.

I leave his arm and go to my locker waving to Clare and Fitz along the way. They seem to have slipped from the group for time alone. I switch some books around in my locker and then go searching for the Ice Hounds, I don't see them in the halls or anywhere and when the bell rings I go to class, of course I'll see Danny in class but I can't talk to him there. When I get to class Danny looks at me and then looks away, I start to go to his desk but as I take a step a hand holds my arm.

"You're back, how you feeling?" Tris asks.

"Better," I reply sitting at my desk next to Tris.

I don't get a chance to talk to Danny all morning because he leaves class as soon as the bell rings and the teacher asks to speak to me. I'm late to my PE class and I don't see Danny and the boys. I change quickly when PE is done and wait outside the boy's locker room. When Danny comes out I catch his arm, he looks at me with a smirk and I begin to shake.

"You were the one that said you didn't want to see me anymore," Danny says. Knowing Tris will be coming out of the locker room at any time I keep hold of Danny's arm and pull him down the hall. I find an empty classroom where we can talk alone.

"Things have changed, I'm pregnant Danny. I skipped my last period and confirmed it with a pregnancy test."

"So?" He shrugs and I feel my blood beginning to boil.

"What do you mean so? The baby is yours," I spit back.

"How do I know that?"

"Well Adam can't get me pregnant."

"But you cheated on him with me more than once, how do I know you didn't do the same with someone else?"

"You are the only one I've ever had sex with, the baby is yours!" I spit at him. I'm so angry my jaw will barely open and my words drip with venom and desperation.

"I don't believe you, and even if I did it's not my problem," Danny replies in an icy tone, his brown eyes seem hollow, stern and distant. Without another word Danny turns and leaves the room. He truly doesn't care and I'm alone in a mess I dragged myself into

When he's gone I break, sinking to the floor in the dark classroom, brining my knees to my chest I dissolve into hopeless tears.

**(ADAM)**

"I don't want to go home I feel fine," Clare insists as we leave science class for lunch.

"Your appointment is tomorrow, until then you go home at lunch," I assert as we walk to our lockers.

"Not until tomorrow afternoon and I've been doing great the last couple of days," she argues.

"You're not missing much and Spin said you could go to the Ice Hounds game in Hamilton tomorrow night," I remind her.

"I still say that I'm well enough to stay through the afternoon," she remarks stubbornly as she gets a book from her locker and I put my books in mine.

"You can have Fitz take you to The Dot for lunch and argue with Spin about it," I comment.

"I might as well argue about it with my locker. Spinner says he has to hear it from the doctor and you know how stubborn he is with that sort of thing," she sighs.

"Yeah he got it from Dad, we all did. It's only two more days and I'm sure by next week you'll be back for full days. And now that I know you're in good hands, I'm going to go find Maya," I tell her as Fitz wraps his arms around her from behind.

Fitz grins at me, Clare smiles turning to him and I go in search of Maya. She's not at her locker or the girl's locker room, Tris is eating with Zane, she's not in the caf with everyone else and when I call The Dot Spin says she's not there either. I try calling and texting Maya but she doesn't answer. I start walking back to the caf to ask K.C. if he's seen her but I find her in the nurse's office, she's sitting on the table and she looks upset.

"Maya what's wrong? I've been looking for you, and texted, and called," I tell her in a worried tone as a brush a strand of hair behind her ear.

"I'm sorry my phone was off. I'm not feeling well I don't think I was ready to return to school, PE class was a bit too much I think," she says in a soft voice but her words tremble. Not just her words her body shakes, she looks at the floor and won't look into my eyes.

"You want me to take you home? I can take Drew's car."

"No it's okay Lucas is coming to pick me up because Mom's at work. You should go eat lunch, I'll call you later," she insists, "if I feel better," she adds with a shallow breath.

"I love you," I say tilting her head up to place a gentle kiss on her lips but she turns her head away.

"I might get you sick," she says as the reason she turned her head and I want to believe her but I can't. I nod slowly and begin to turn but she catches my hand, "I love you too."

She meets my eyes this time and I smile. I leave the nurse's office and go to the caf to have lunch with the others. I tell them Maya feels ill again and Lucas is on his way to get her. I don't eat very much at lunch, I know something is bothering Maya, more than being sick and I wish she'd talk to me.

When Clare and Fitz are done eating he takes her home to rest for the afternoon. After lunch I walk with K.C. and Jenna to music class, we leave our backpacks in our lockers because we don't need them in music. I retrieve it after music class for last period forces of nature class. I ride home with Drew after school, as soon as we're in the house we both go to Clare's room and go in. She's on her bed, her homework on her lap but her eyes fixed to a point of nothingness as she's lost in her head. She hasn't heard us come in yet so when Drew puts his hand on her leg she jumps.

"You feeling okay?" Drew questions.

"Yes, I'm fine I was just thinking," she replies giving us a reassuring smile.

"You haven't talked to Fitz yet have you?" I censure her.

"Talked to Fitz about what? You're not pregnant are you?" Drew questions.

"No Drew I'm on birth control remember? And it's nothing," Clare replies.

"You know sometimes you two need to clue us in on your little world," Drew complains making Clare and I laugh. "I'm going to get a snack," Drew says shaking his head and leaving Clare's room.

"Our birthday is soon, I'll talk to Mark after our birthday," Clare insists.

"Our birthday is still ten days away; can you really spend ten more days in turmoil?"

"Have you talked to Maya yet?"

"She's been ill," I reply slowly.

"When you talk to Maya I'll talk to Mark," she asserts.

"Let's do our homework in the living room, are you hungry?"

She shakes her head but follows me to the living room anyway. She sits on the sofa to finish her homework and I grab a snack before beginning on mine. Bianca and Fitz both stayed after school, Fitz to use the weight room because wrestling tryouts are soon and Bianca has a project in her business class she's working on with Fiona. Owen has hockey practice, Tris went to Zane's, Maya was home sick and K.C. and Jenna went home to check on her so for the moment it was just the three of us at home, an incredibly rare occurrence. We're not alone for long before Bianca returns, followed shortly by Spinner and then Fitz and finally Paige comes home just before dinner is ready.

I don't hear from Maya at all except for a text later that evening telling me she still doesn't feel well. I try to call her and text her but she doesn't respond. I sleep pretty fitfully that night, I'm not the only one either I can tell Clare is awake but we stay in our rooms tossing and turning for most of the night. I get up with alarm the next morning but I feel drained and have an eerie feeling of dread in the pit of my stomach that I can't seem to shake. Generally, I get this feeling in regards to Clare, she looks tired when I see her, clearly her mind and heart still in strife and discord over Fitz and Jeff. Convincing myself that what I feel is for Clare as it always is I'm determined to stay close to her today.

**(CLARE)**

"You're healing well Clare and doing much better. You can resume normal activities although I'd still like you to take it easy for the next couple of days. However, I see nothing wrong with you resuming full days at school on Monday. Just take things slow and don't do too much too soon," the doctor tells me.

"So everything is alright then?" Adam asks. He came with me to the appointment, Spinner let him even though he's missing third period to do so.

"Yes, Clare is perfectly fine, minimal scarring and scar tissue she just needs to take things slowly," the doctor assures him.

"Thanks Doc, will she need to return for further follow-ups?" Spinner questions.

"No, the last of the stitches will dissolve in a few days. As long as she takes it easy the next couple of days and takes things slowly she'll be just fine."

Spinner thanks the doctor again and we leave, he takes us all home. Spinner insists I rest until we leave for Hamilton so I go to my room and Adam follows me.

"Are you going to tell me what's wrong now?" I question Adam as I lie on my bed.

"I just have a bad feeling and when I have this feeling it's always about you."

"I'm fine Adam you heard the doctor."

"And what about you and Fitz? You haven't talked to him yet," he comments.

"You haven't talked to Maya either," I counter.

"Maya's been sick and Fitz isn't. This feeling I have it's never wrong and it's always about you because we share such a bond."

"I'm not going to talk to Mark tonight it's the game. Maybe tomorrow. Don't worry Adam I'm not having any dangerous thoughts and though I'm still conflicted over Mark and Jeff I'm happy. Stop worrying Adam," I try to assure my twin but it doesn't seem to work.

Despite my assurances he stays with me for the remainder of the afternoon. Everyone returns home right after school, Paige comes home early; Jay, Sean, Emma, Tris, Zane, Johnny, Samantha, Anya, Vanessa, K.C. and Jenna all come to our place to go to the Ice Hounds game in Hamilton together. Owen and Jeff of course went with the team on the bus. K.C. says Maya was still feeling ill and sleeping off a fever so she wouldn't be joining us. Neither will Lucas as he has to work and Mia declined because she wasn't feeling well due to the pregnancy. We take four cars, Anya and Adam ride with me and Mark. Though I know Adam is still worried about me and worried for Maya he talks with Anya during the drive and at least for the drive he's content and happy.

Anya sits next to Adam in the arena, they continue talking and even flirting though I don't think my brother is aware that he's doing so. The thing that makes me most happy is that the burden of worry he had been holding all day has lifted. No longer troubled by Adam's worry I sit back to enjoy the game, I take Mark's hand and interlace our fingers. We don't talk much but there's lots of chatter around us, I listen to the conversation between Adam and Anya and watch the screen above the ice showing adds and players stats. When the team comes out to the ice I wave to Owen, he waves to all of us. I wave to Jeff and Dallas as well, but I don't know many of the other players even though I have classes with a few.

The game is exciting and as much as I want to jump up and cheer every time the Ice Hounds make a goal or even a good play I refrain. Mostly I refrain because when I try Mark holds to me firmly. I still clap and yell, that I can do without too much strain. It's a fairly close game but the Ice Hounds win 3-2 and then they skate around the ice in jubilation. The team will be going back by bus and probably celebrating when they get back to Toronto. Adam and Anya ride back with Mark and I again, we talk about the game on the drive back. It's not until we're at the house and Anya goes home that Adam seems worried again.

"I can text Owen, find out where the celebration is," Mark offers.

"No, I'm sure Spinner won't let me go I'm supposed to take it easy still. Anyway, I want to be home with you tonight," I tell Mark.

"I'm going to call Maya," Adam says going into his room.

"I have to use the washroom I'll meet you in my room in a few moments," I say to Mark.

He smiles and kisses me gently before going into my room while I go to the washroom. After I pee and wash my hands I pull up my shirt to look at my scar. I wrinkle my nose at the sight, it's a big one and it looks pretty nasty. I fix my clothes and open the washroom door to find Adam waiting with a despondent look on his face.

"Maya didn't answer," he tells me and I hug him tightly. I know he's worried that his relationship with Maya is over.

"I know how you feel about Maya but she's not the only girl out there Adam," I remind him.

"I know," he nods trying to smile. "I'm going to shower," he tells me going into the washroom.

"What's wrong?" Mark asks when I come into my room.

"Maya didn't answer and Adam's worried, I'm more worried about him. In spite of his flirting with Anya he still loves Maya. I also believe he thinks she's still the only girl that will be with him for who he is," I sigh sitting on the bed and cuddling up to Mark.

He kisses my forehead softly and wraps me in his arms. I stay there for a while, a million thoughts in my mind and yet none at all. When I hear the shower turn off Mark and I get ready for bed. I undress, getting into bed and encircling Mark's arms around me when he gets in bed. I can feel Adam's despondent anxiety and worry for him but I'm exhausted after a long day and little sleep last night. I fall asleep to Mark softly stroking my back while in his arms. I wake up early the next morning with a jolt as if being suddenly yanked from a dream, but if I dreamt at all I remember nothing. Mark is still fast asleep, I slip out of his arms putting on his shirt and my robe before going out to the living room. Adam is awake too and it doesn't look like he slept at all.

"Hungry?" I ask.

"No but I'm sure everyone else will be awake before too long and I'm sure others will come over once they're awake. We can make pancakes," Adam says.

He's trying to keep busy but I know how worried he is. We start making pancakes and Spinner gets up, then Paige. The others wake up when the smell of pancakes on the griddle begins wafting through the house. As we all sit down to eat people begin to arrive at the house, Owen is first and grabs many pancakes as he sits down at the table. K.C. and Jenna are next, they get some food and sit in the living room because we ran out of room at the table.

"Where's Maya?" K.C. asks.

"She's not here, she was home sick," Adam replies and suddenly goes pale with worry.

"We thought so too but when we got home last night she wasn't there, we assumed she'd come over here to be with you," Jenna says.

"She didn't come here, I tried to call and she never answered," Adam tells them. Everyone has stopped eating now, different levels of worry on their face.

"I'm sure she's fine, maybe she went to Lucas' place or Sean's," Paige speaks up.

"I'll call Lucas," Adam says.

"I'll call Sean," Mark offers.

Adam has his phone with him but Mark goes back to my room to retrieve his. They call but when they shake their heads we know Maya isn't there. We call Jay even though we're sure she wouldn't go there if she was feeling ill because it's too much risk to Jay. He says he hasn't seen Maya, we call Johnny and Tris and but no one has seen her and now we're all worried. After calling everyone they all come over to our house to look for her. Jeff comes over with Anya but Samantha spent the night with Johnny and she comes with him. Even Dallas, Craig, Dave, J.T. and Peter from the Ice Hounds come to help us look, having heard from Owen or Jeff.

"We'll split up, take different parts of the city, someone should stay here in case she does come here. And someone should stay at your apartment K.C. in case she returns," Spinner says taking charge.

"I'll wait at the apartment, I'm not really up for a search through the city," Jenna says.

"We'll wait with Jenna, she shouldn't be waiting alone," Tris offers for him and Zane.

"Clare you should st…" Spinner begins and I cut him off.

"No Mark and I are going with Adam," I assert with a strong voice as I have no intentions of waiting around the house with Maya missing.

"I'll stay here," Paige volunteers.

"Alright but take it easy, go in Fitz's car so you're not walking. The last thing we need is for you to overdo it," Spinner orders.

"I'll go with them," K.C. speaks up.

"We'll drive from here to Queen Street and look along the way," Mark tells them

"Bianca, Owen and I will take the ravine and the school, we'll go on foot," Drew comments getting his and Bianca's coats from the closet.

K.C. kisses Jenna and we go out to Mark's car. Mark starts driving slowly to Queen Street, he stops a couple blocks down and we get out to look through DeGrassi Street Park. Mark walks with his arm around me, K.C. and Adam a few paces ahead of us.

"I knew something was wrong, I knew she wasn't just sick I should have done something," Adam says angrily.

"I just thought she had the flu or something, I was more worried about her getting Jenna sick. What kind of a big brother am I? I was hardly paying attention to what was going on with her," K.C. censures herself.

"You were concerned about your pregnant girlfriend that makes sense. Anyway, I should have forced her to talk or gone over to talk to her, seen her. I knew she was avoiding me and we needed to talk but I was afraid of why. I let my cowardice get in the way and now she's gone," Adam berates himself.

"I didn't even know something was bothering her, I should have checked in or done something, anything," K.C. says beating his fist into his hand. Before the two of them beat themselves down any farther I know I must stop this. I get out of Mark's arm running a few paces to catch up with them and putting a hand on each of their shoulders, they stop walking and look at me.

"Listen to me both of you, Maya ran for reasons that were hers and hers alone. I speak from experience, whatever she's hiding from she has to work out or she needed space to think. She didn't run and she's not hiding because of something either of you did, even if she's hiding from one or both of you right now it was her decision and blaming yourselves is not going to help us find her."

It's not often I'm the rational one and censuring Adam, he even seems a little surprised. He and K.C. exchange a look but they know I'm right. With sheepish faces they lower their heads and nod.

We walk through the park without any sign of Maya and return to the car. We stop a few more times on the way to Queen Street looking in stores, parks, alleys, anywhere Maya could hide. When we get to Queen Street I think of when K.C. went missing after hearing from their father.

"Have you heard from Kevin recently?" I ask K.C. using his father's first name as they never refer to him as Dad or anything but Kevin.

"No nothing, if Maya had heard from him she would have said something to someone, contact from Kevin is not something we hide. Not from each other anyway."

We drive up and down Queen Street checking various shops and things but we don't see her. We drive for hours, getting out every so often to look on foot. Periodically we check in with the others but no one has seen or heard from Maya. K.C. didn't want to worry his mom at work but in the early evening she calls him.

"Hi Mom I…what?" K.C. gasps into the phone and we all look at him, even Mark looks back in the rearview mirror before pulling over to the side of the road. "Go to the Mason's everyone will head there, we'll meet you there," K.C. says into the phone but his voice is empty, it doesn't sound like his voice as if whatever his mom told him stole his K.C.'s own voice.

"What is it?" Mark asks before Adam or I can speak.

"Maya's dead," he whispers so quietly we almost don't hear him but the weighted words carry in the silence of the car. The heavy words hit our hearts and they sink, K.C. shatters into tears. Adam goes so pale it seems as though all the blood in his body were siphoned out with K.C.'s words.

I want to ask how and when and why but my mind and my mouth fail to work. I want to climb in the back seat to hug my brother and my friend very tightly but not a single muscle in my body seems to move, I can't even seem to blink. Mark begins driving again, heading to our home. As he begins driving I look out the window releasing a breath my lungs had been holding since K.C. told us. Knowing that neither K.C. nor Adam will be able to inform the others I send a text to Paige.

**Clare: Maya is dead. On our way back. Please tell the others.**

**Paige: I'll tell everyone, drive safe and I'll see you four soon.**

Aside from K.C.'s sobbing the drive is silent but when Mark stops in front of our house K.C. stops crying. He stops on one breath as if a faucet were turned on and then off. Adam still looks pale, nearly catatonic and doesn't move at all as Mark turns off the car. I get out of the car and open Adam's door to help him out, as I start to bend over to get Adam out of the car Mark runs over and takes my waist.

"I'll get Adam you go in with K.C., you're supposed to take it easy. Strain yourself and get hurt and it will be all the worse for all of us," Mark says with his lips next to my ear.

I know he's right, I kiss his cheek as he lets me go. I run around the back of the car and to K.C. hugging him tightly before we walk inside. Spinner is home already along with Jay they must have been close to the house when Paige got a hold of them. Lisa is here as well, everyone hugs K.C. but his mother hugs him last, as mother and son embrace they begin crying again. Spin and Paige both hug me and just as I sit on the sofa with Jay Mark brings Adam in. I get up to hug Adam but he doesn't even move. I'm intensely worried about my brother, K.C. and his mom are clearly grieving but that's expected and healthy. Adam on the other hand has switched off, if not for his body's instinct to stay alive I'm certain his heart would have stopped beating, and his lungs would cease breathing.

"Come on Adam," I insist taking my brother's hand and pulling him into my room.

Mark comes with me and we sit Adam on my bed. I sit next to him and put my arm around my brother. Mark sits next to me, I don't know what to do to console my twin except to hold him so that's what I do.

"How?" Adam asks quietly and it's the first sign that he hasn't total snapped.

"I'll find out," Mark says getting up.

"Adam whatever happened it's not your fault," I try to assure my brother.

"I knew something was wrong."

"You couldn't have known she was going to die Adam."

"But the feeling I had yesterday…"

"You thought it was for me and even if it was intuition for Maya you're not psychic Adam you had no way of knowing she would die," I assert just as Mark comes back in the room. I look at him and bite my lip, he's got a melancholy frown and his eyes are filled with a mirthless fog, glossed with tears.

"They don't know how yet but she was found in Small's Creek, she'd been there all night. She had no coat, wasn't dressed for winter and for now they're assuming she died of exposure but they'll do an autopsy. More people have gathered and the others are on their way if you want to come out to the living room," Mark says and I look at Adam. He takes a moment before nodding slowly.

We go out to the living room and see Drew, Owen, Bianca, Spin, Jay, Dallas, Jeff, Sean and Emma are back. They're all hugging or trying to console K.C. and Lisa but they hug Adam when he comes out. Tris, Zane and Jenna are the next ones through the door, more hugs and then Jenna walks directly to Adam with something in her hand.

"I found this in Maya's room, I didn't think anything of it until we heard from Paige that Maya was…" Jenna's sentence trails off and she holds her breath before uttering the word dead. Releasing the breath she holds an envelope to Adam, "It's addressed to you."

Adam goes pale again and takes the letter, I see him shaking, he doesn't take his eyes off the envelope but walks to his room. Everyone had their eyes on him and I know he wants privacy but I follow him to his room. He closes his door and I wait in the hall, wait to console him or talk with him, I can only guess what the envelope contains and what Maya left for him or if she even meant for it to be found. For many moments nothing but silence from Adam's room and then a crash, an echoing crash that sends a foreboding chill through me. I throw open the door but Adam's room is empty, his window open and the frigid January wind blowing Adam's curtain. Whatever was in the envelope it sent Adam running, he's running to destruction. I feel incredible despair and scalding fury from my twin. Worried about what he's running to or what he will do I turn and bolt for the front door before I'm caught by Mark and Drew.

"Clare what are you doing? Where are you going?" Mark asks.

"Adam ran, whatever was in the envelope he ran and he's angry and hurt I'm worried about him," I tell them trying to get out of their grasp. Hot tears of fear and fret flow from my eyes.

"We'll get him stay here," Drew insists before he and Owen run through the door. Spinner and Lucas follow them and I only hope they find Adam before he does something in anger he cannot take back.

"Let me go," I tell Mark pushing him away. I can't go after Adam but I can find out what upset him, I go back to his room and look for the envelope. Mark and Jeff both follow me to Adam's room. I find a crumpled paper on the floor and I go over picking it up. I untangle the paper and flatten it against my hip as Mark and Jeff come to either side of me and read the letter with me.

_**Adam,**_

_** By the time you read this I will have taken my own life. I've made a horrible mess of things, a mess of my own doing and things that can't be taken back or fixed. Rather than face the hate and disappointment I choose to end it now.**_

_** I wish I had the courage to tell you this in person and to face you but I don't. I cheated on you Adam, more than once. I sought comfort and in another boy's arms, turned to him for anger fueled sex and yes lost my virginity to him. I was not conscious or careful a part of me didn't care. I'm pregnant.**_

_** I have not been happy in a long time. I am going to the last place I remember being truly happy, a very long time ago. I'm taking enough morphine to end it all, I don't want to live any longer I want peace. I'm sorry for the pain I will cause everyone and for the mess I made. I'm sorry for the lies and for what I did to you.**_

_**In time you will forget me,**_

_**Maya**_

So, he was deeply betrayed by the only girl he ever loved and took her own life rather than face her mistakes. I know now that every word of the letter stabbed at Adam, how hurt he was and how the anger exploded causing him to run. Adam's world has been crushed, shattered and ripped apart. Things he thought to be true venomously turned false in a few short sentences. A letter that while showing some remorse and regret also bites viciously. Maya may have intended to take her own life but she may unwittingly be taking my brother's as well. With this terrifying thought I drop the letter to the floor, it floats down on the cold wind blowing through the window. I turn to Mark burying my face in his chest and sob with fierce helplessness, praying that Adam is found before he too does something he cannot take back.

**Yes I know I'm terrible with cliffhangers. Update soon picking up from around here in either Adam or Drew's pov most likely and including Maya's funeral. Next updated will be **_**Hold Me Now &amp; Don't Let Go.**_


	50. When did Life become this Place

**50 chapters! I hope everyone is enjoying this story because it is entirely possible it will go another 50!**

**New photos have been added to the 200 Stories Gallery. There are now 170! So be sure to go check those out. I will hopefully have all 200 up by the end of July.**

**This chapter contains possible trigger warnings.**

**Ch. 50 When did Life become this Place of Madness?**

**(DREW)**

Owen and I bolt out the door chasing after Adam, he could have gone in any direction but instinct tells me he ran toward the school. So that's the direction we run in, I look back and see Spin and Lucas running in the other direction. It's cold and snowing, none of us bothered to put on coats but at the moment the cold doesn't bother me at all. Adam's not in shape like we are, so thankfully we catch up to him fairly easily. He's near the edge of the ravine and I tackle him, holding him in my arms we both fall on the dirt and snow.

"Let me go Drew," Adam demands trying to push me away from him but I'm much stronger.

"Go where Adam?"

"I…I don't know," he replies and his body sort of sinks inward in defeat. "Away, somewhere away…away from the pain," he replies pounding his fist into the dirt.

"You can't run from this Adam, no matter how far you run," Owen says kneeling down with us.

"What was in the letter Adam?" I ask my brother but still holding tight to him.

"She killed herself, she cheated on me and killed herself, pregnant with another guy's kid. She was cheating on me, she got pregnant and she hid it from me but you know what hurts the most? Never once in her letter did she say she loved me, she doesn't even say that she cares about me only that she couldn't face the disappointment and anger by telling us. The first and only girl I ever really loved or cared about that way and I thought she loved me but apparently I was wrong, she never even cared," Adam snarls angrily pounding his fist to the earth again.

Adam tries to pull away from me again, this time I let him go and he stands up. I wish I had kept hold him as his anger, his feelings of hurt and betrayal and whatever else he feels explode out and he punches a tree. An action he immediately regrets as he cradles his hand to his chest, turns pale and vomits at the base of the tree.

"Now you have a broken hand Buddy," Owen says patting Adam's shoulder. "Stay with him I'll go get my car so we can take him to the hospital," Owen comments.

"Clare's coming," Adam mutters before he sinks down again. He shivers a little but I'm not sure if it's the cold or the pain. I move over putting an arm around him.

"That figures, I'll call Fitz they can bring his car," Owen says walking away a few feet to get out his phone and call Fitz.

"She was angry when she wrote the letter Adam, already determined to kill herself but I know she cared about you," I try to assure my younger brother.

"If she had it would have been in her letter, contained in the last words she chose to say before leaving this world," he sighs.

I don't know what to tell him, how to comfort him. I have no idea what was in Maya's mind, not when she cheated, not when she found out she was pregnant and certainly not the moment she decided suicide was the answer. I know that I saw her with my brother, that she did care, whether she loved him or not I don't know, but she must have cared for him from what I witnessed. But in his anger, I doubt he'll be convinced of that now, and I can't explain why she says nothing of it in her letter.

"Clare, Fitz and Jeff are on their way in Fitz's car," Owen tells us walking back. "Clare's going to freak when she sees your hand," Owen comments leaning on a tree.

"I'm sure she knows I hurt it," Adam sighs. I'm starting to feel the cold and I hope they get here soon so I can get into a warm car.

Hearing a car horn we look up and see Fitz's car pull up. I help Adam up and we all get in the back seat of Fitz's car. Clare looks back when we're all in and hands us our jackets.

"Thanks," I grin putting Adam's coat over his shoulders and I get mine on. Owen grins and puts his jacket on too.

"What did you do to your hand?" She asks Adam.

"He punched a tree," I answer for him.

"I'm okay," he tries to assure her.

"You are not your hand looks like it went into a meat grinder and hurts like hell," she argues.

"I'm fine," Adam replies.

"Don't lie to me Adam, drive faster," she tells Fitz and he steps on the gas.

Fitz lets everyone out at the ER entrance, Owen and I help Adam out of the car. Jeff sticks close to my sister and we go inside, the registration nurse looks at Adam's hand and gives us some forms to fill out. Fitz comes in but Clare's already sitting between Owen and Adam so he sits next to me. We wait for about half an hour before Adam is taken back by a doctor and Clare goes with him. I text Spin to update him although I'm sure he heard we found Adam and he broke his hand already. We wait for another half hour before Clare and Adam come out from the back with a nurse.

"He'll need to keep his hand in the cast for the next three weeks and should keep it in the sling. He broke a couple of the proximal phalanges, finger bones, and fractured several other bones including two of the smaller bones in his hand. He's lucky though he didn't need surgery or wires to set the bones. Here's a prescription for pain medication, he'll need it tonight I'm sure and probably tomorrow. If he doesn't want to take the strong stuff any OTC pain reliever will be fine as long as it's not taken within four hours of the prescription. He should follow up in three weeks," the nurse says handing everything to Owen. Either because he looks like the oldest or because she thinks Owen looks like Adam's brother, although Fitz looks more like Adam then Owen does.

"Thanks, we'll take care of him," Owen nods.

"Let's go home," Clare says linking her arm with Adam's and we all follow Fitz out to his car.

Clare seems to refuse to let go of Adam so he sits in the front with her and Fitz while Jeff is forced to sit in back with Owen and me. We're all silent on the way back although knowing my sibs the way I do it worries me that Clare keeps looking at Adam the way she does. We do make a brief stop at the pharmacy and I get his prescription filled. Clare takes the bag from me when I get back in the car. When Fitz parks outside the house I notice there's a lot less cars, except for Owen's, Johnny's and Sean's everyone else seems to be gone. Clare walks in still with her arm linked through Adam's, as soon as they're inside Spinner hugs Adam tightly, as soon as Spin lets go of him Paige hugs him tightly. Bianca comes over and embraces me while greeting me with a tender kiss, before hugging Adam tightly.

"Come on Adam," Clare says pulling Adam down to her room and they close the door.

"I should probably get home," Jeff comments rubbing the back of his neck uncomfortably.

"Yeah, we should get home," Samantha agrees coming out of the kitchen with Johnny.

"I'll see you guys tomorrow," Johnny waves.

Samantha and Jeff wave and the three of them leave. Owen, Tris, Sean and Emma are all still here but I'm sure they're staying the night.

"I offered for Lisa, K.C. and Jenna to stay the night but they wanted to go home. Lucas and Mia went with them. They'll be doing the autopsy sometime tomorrow and Lisa wants to have the funeral tomorrow to avoid media. A small service with just those of us who knew Maya well. I'll tell Adam tomorrow, he may not want to go," Spinner informs us.

"Yeah after the letter I'm not sure he will, I don't know that he's ready to say goodbye," I nod.

"We should all get to bed, it's been a long day," Bianca comments.

"I'm going to check on Clare and Adam," I tell Bianca kissing her cheek before I walk back to Clare's room.

I hear sobbing and I knock lightly, Clare calls to come in. I peek in to see Adam being cradled by Clare as he sobs. I wish I could take his pain but I can't and being with the only person who knows him so well he doesn't need to talk is probably best. I give them both a compassionate smile before leaving her room.

"How are they?" Bianca asks when I go into our room.

"I'm not sure, after what was in the letter I don't think Adam will be okay for a long while."

**(CLARE)**

After crying himself to sleep in my arms Adam woke a few short hours later from a disturbing dream. He wouldn't talk about Maya but he didn't need to I knew why he was upset. We stayed awake most of the night, not saying anything but we don't need to, we know each other too well. I was worried about Adam; Maya's suicide was affecting him in more ways than her loss. Whether it was Maya's intention or not, taking her own life at her hand was a decision that would have repercussions I couldn't even begin to fathom.

We spent the early morning hours sitting on my bed and waiting for sunrise. When the sun does rise Spinner peeks in, seeing we're both awake he comes in. Sitting on my bed he looks at Adam, giving him a sympathetic smile and placing his hand on Adam's back.

"Lisa is having a funeral for Maya, out of the public with just us. Everyone will understand if you feel you can't come," Spin tells us and we both look at Adam.

He's silent for a moment, wiping a few stray tears from his cheeks with his good hand. After a deep breath he looks at me and I nod.

"I'll go," Adam whispers.

"It's not until eleven you two should try getting some more sleep," Spin says before leaving my room.

"I know you can't sleep do you want to shower?" I ask Adam but he shakes his head and lies down on my bed.

I lie down with Adam also unable to sleep, my mind wanders, thinking of Maya and Adam first, their relationship and love seemed so strong and pure. Maya's suicide and her letter send it all into question, did she ever love him the way he loved her? As I replay every moment I can think of with the two of them together it's thrown into doubt. I know without question Adam did love Maya, was in love with her but I don't think Maya was ever able to return those feelings. The more I think about it the more I'm sure that Adam, though she did care about him, was a safety net more than anything else to her. She knew his feelings, she knew K.C. wouldn't object, and though she couldn't return his affections as strongly she knew she cared for him and could be happy.

I have to wonder when she decided she wasn't happy, or that she wanted more than Adam? Why did she cheat instead of talk to him? Why did she do things to cause everyone around her so much pain? Why did she self-destruct so thoroughly and so quickly? If she had talked to Adam would she still be alive?

"You have to do it Clare, don't let questions go unanswered or you could end up as unhappy as Maya and destruct too," Adam advises as he sits up. "I'm going to shower and change for the funeral," Adam says and then looks at his cast. "On second thought, I'll just clean up a little and then someone can help me get dressed."

Adam leaves my room for the washroom and I get up going to the kitchen. I'm not hungry but I get some juice, I feel a little light-headed from a lot of worrying and not much sleep. Seems like everyone is awake and that no one slept very much. Mark comes out of Adam's room, he must have slept in there because Adam was in my room. He comes over and hugs me tightly, I lie my head on his chest.

"I should help Adam get dressed, and get dressed myself," I tell Mark stepping away from him after a moment.

"We're going home to change, we'll be back in a bit," Sean says coming into the kitchen.

"I'll see you in a bit, hug Adam for me," Mark says.

"I will," I smile standing on my tiptoes to give him a chaste kiss.

I find Adam in his room and help him get dressed including his chest binding. He can't wear a long sleeve with his cast so he wears a dark blue short-sleeve button up. I help him get a winter coat over it, he goes out to the living room and I go into my room to get dressed. No one dresses in all black, I put on a navy knee length skirt with a white blouse and navy sweater. When I'm dressed and come out to the living room Adam is on the sofa with Drew and Paige. Slowly everyone else gathers at our house, it's just a service for those of us that grew up together, our original group. Lisa, K.C. and Jenna are the last to arrive, like the rest of us they look like they didn't sleep at all. The three of them drive over in Spinner's car with him and Paige. Adam, Mark and I go with Bianca and Drew in his car, Owen, Johnny, Lucas and Tris go over in Owen's car. Jay rides over with Lucas, Mia, Sean and Emma.

We're having the service at the school in the music room. It's Sunday so no one is there and Simpson is here to open the school for us. There's also no body or ashes and no burial today because Maya is being autopsied today, not that a cremation would have happened so fast or that a body or casket would be allowed in the school. Lisa just wanted a service for those of us closest to Maya away from any media, people asking questions or making assumptions. Friday after school there will be a public memorial. Apparently even last night, some media outlets were calling the Guthrie family to talk to them and Lisa threw her phone out the window.

We enter the music room and there's a few chairs set up in a half-circle, in two rows. Everyone sits down, Adam sits in the second row near the door so I take the seat next to him. Lisa, K.C. and Jenna sit in the center of the front row, Spinner and Paige on one side and Emma next to Sean on the other. The only one not sitting is Jay, he stands at the conductor's podium where there's a framed picture of Maya, it's her school picture from this year, but it was short notice.

"Lisa asked me to speak today, both because of my friendship with Maya and because not too long ago I was in the same place. I was dealt a devastating blow, thought my life was over and it would never get better, that I had no way out. I don't know exactly what went through Maya's mind in that moment she decided suicide was the only answer but I can guess. She felt alone, she felt hopeless and felt that the only solution was a final one. When I was at my lowest everyone rallied around me, showed me support and we all would have done the same for Maya but no one had any idea she was at such a low point. Why she didn't say anything, why she didn't ask for help or talk to any of us I have no idea. We shouldn't focus on trying to guess her reasons or wondering if we could have stopped her because none of that could bring Maya back. We must remember what we loved about her, the good qualities and the bad that made her who she was. I remember a sprite of a girl, a talented musician with sass, and sometimes too much attitude," Jay says and a few of us chuckle. "Maya will be missed, her music, her laugh, all taken with her but she lives on in our memories and our hearts," Jay finishes lighting the candle by Maya's picture.

When we come out of the music room Simpson is waiting.

"There will be a memorial set for Maya outside the music room. I'll announce tomorrow that students and faculty can leave cards and flowers for her," Simpson tells Lisa, and K.C. and Jenna as they are standing together.

"Thank you Mr. Simpson," Lisa says attempting to smile but it doesn't work.

"I'll understand if any of you, that still go here, can't make it to school tomorrow," Simpson tells us.

By the look on Adam's face I know he won't be at school tomorrow. I feel like I should stay home with him but tomorrow is also the first day I'm let back at school for full days. Since his tears dried Adam has just had a blank look on his face. I'm very worried about my twin right now.

"Thanks Mr. S," K.C. nods.

"Everyone back to our house for some food, I just need to stop at The Dot first," Spinner tells us.

"Can I walk home?" Adam requests.

"I'm going with you," I assert.

"Clare, you shouldn't you st…"

"I'm not letting him go alone," I assert cutting Spinner off.

"I'll walk back with Adam," Jay offers.

"Alright we'll see you back at the house," Spinner nods.

"If you're not at the house in half an hour I'm going to come looking for you," I tell Adam hugging him before I leave with the others.

I ride back with Drew, Bianca and Mark. Except for Spin and Paige who are stopping by The Dot, and Jay and Adam who are walking, the rest of us arrive at the house at the same time. Everyone goes into the living room and sits on the sofa, chairs from the kitchen or the floor. Everyone is silent until Spin comes with food, no one eats very much, no one talks much either except to share an occasional story about Maya. Just as I'm beginning to get truly worried about Adam he and Jay come through the door. Adam stays in the living room with us for a while but when people start talking more about Maya Adam says he's tired and goes into his room so I follow him in.

"I'm okay, just didn't feel like sharing stories of Maya," Adam says.

"You're not okay and I'm staying with you, I don't need to go to school tomorrow," I reply.

"Clare it's your first full day back, I promise not to run or do anything stupid. You know you should go to school," Adam argues.

"No, I know how you're feeling and I know what's on your mind I'm not leaving you Adam," I assert.

"Now you know how I feel every time you disappear or something because your emotions are in crisis."

"I'm sorry, I'll never do it again but I'm not leaving you tonight or tomorrow," I tell him firmly.

"You know that's not a promise you can keep and I don't want you to babysit me out of fear. I won't lie I'm feeling hurt and betrayed and sad and about a hundred other things I can't put my finger on just now but I'm not going to run. I'm not going to hurt myself either, I just need some time. It's been a lot these last few weeks, you died and I wouldn't leave you and Maya cheated, I think I pushed her into it," he sighs and my chest tightens with guilt.

"Adam, it was her choice and you were worried about me, I didn't mean to worry everyone so much I didn't think I was so hurt," I apologize meekly.

"I know. And maybe it was inevitable with Maya but I need a few days to myself and if you stay here with me afraid to leave my side it's not going to help either of us. You can't be with me to avoid talking to Fitz either, you have your own thinking to do. Jay's sleeping over and he'll sleep on my floor, I won't be alone Sis and I promise not to run and worry you again," Adam tries to assure me but I just feel swallowed by apprehension and worry. I begin chewing on my bottom lip and Adam pulls it from my teeth. "Clare stop, it's not your fault. And I love you but if you're here hovering over me because you're worried and feeling guilty it's not going to help. I just need some time. Maya's not here anymore I can't talk to her but I need to work some things out for myself. Go be with Fitz, you need to talk to him, or at least go hang out with everyone."

"Just don't run again, you had me really worried Adam."

"I know and I'm sorry. With the pain of my broken hand I promise not to do anything like that again."

I still don't want to leave his side, I'm very worried about him, but I also know he needs space to work some things out for himself. And I know if he tries to run or something again I'll know. Reluctantly I kiss Adam's cheek and leave his room. I pause in the hallway for a moment but everyone in the living room is still talking about Maya and I'm not in the mood just now so I go to my room. Lying on my bed I close my eyes, I begin thinking about Mark and me, but exhaustion over takes me and before I know it I fall asleep. It's not a peaceful sleep, I descend into a disturbing dream and wake with a gasp and tears racing down my cheeks.

"It's okay," Mark whispers encircling his arms around me and I lie my head on his chest as I sob. He holds me and strokes my back until the tears stop.

"What time is it?" I ask him wiping my eyes.

He reaches around me to get his phone and click it to see the time, "Just after three. I came in around ten and found you asleep."

"I was exhausted, it's been a long few days and I'm worried about Adam."

"He's fine, asleep in his room and Jay's with him," Mark assures me and I nod.

"I don't think I can sleep, I'm going to go shower. I need to clear my head," I tell Mark getting out of his arms.

"Ok," Mark nods kissing my shoulder as I get up.

The rest of the house seems to be asleep, I go into the washroom and turn on the shower. I spend a while under the warm water, clearing my head, it does help and by the time the water begins to turn cold my head is pretty clear. I know what I need to do, but that's not going to make it any easier to do.

When I return to my room Mark is asleep again. I lie down with him but I can't sleep and I just lie there thinking the rest of the night. I get up early and go out to the kitchen to start the coffee but I'm not really hungry. Owen and Tris are asleep in our living room but I don't wake them up, they can sleep through anything.

"You're up early," Spinner comments when he comes out to the kitchen.

"Couldn't sleep," I reply.

"Yeah, I can tell," Spinner says looking at my eyes. "You can stay home today," Spinner offers.

"No, if I stay home I'm going to drive Adam crazy. Anyway, there's something I need to do today," I tell him.

"I'm leaving to open The Dot in ten, I can wait for you," Spinner offers.

"I'll be ready in fifteen," I tell him. Going back to my room I try to get clothes quietly but Mark wakes up when I open my dresser. "Sorry I couldn't sleep, I'm going with Spin. I'll see you at school," I tell him grabbing my clothes.

"Are you sure? I can come with you," Mark yawns.

"No, you sleep, you have a couple more hours I'll see you at school," I reply kissing his cheek.

I grab my backpack and take my clothes into the washroom, getting dressed fast, I put my hair into a ponytail so I don't have to brush it. Hiding the dark circles under my eyes with makeup. I meet Spin in the kitchen and ride with him to The Dot. He gives me hot chocolate and I help him with some opening duties. Despite having clearance by the doctor to resume normal activity Spin still doesn't let me do much. I sip at coffee and hot chocolate for almost two hours as I go over and over in my mind what I'll say to Mark. I change what I'm going to say at least two dozen times but when he shows up with Owen, Tris, Drew and Bianca not a single word comes from my mouth. They grab coffee and breakfast and I go with them to school.

"What's on your mind? I may not know you like Adam but I know there's more on your mind than Maya," Mark comments.

"It's just…I…didn't sleep well," I reply. I know I need to talk to him but I can't seem to get the words out. "I'm gonna call Adam and see how he's doing, I'll see you at lunch okay?" I tell Mark before kissing his cheek and turning around quickly.

"I'm okay, Jay and I are just heading to breakfast. I told him I wasn't hungry but he's forcing me to eat," Adam tells me.

"Good, you need to eat. I'll be home right after school."

"Jay will stay with me all day and Spin will be home at one. Don't worry Clare," Adam tries to assure me.

"I know you too well not to be worried Adam. I'll see you after school."

We say goodbye and I hang up but there's still twenty minutes before classes start. Hoping to avoid Mark, Jeff and even my brother I go to the one place they can't, the girl's washroom.

"Hi Clare," Anya smiles when I come in, "how's Adam? Is he here today?"

"No, he stayed home, so did K.C. and Jenna. Adam is…he says he's okay."

"You don't sound like you think so," Anya replies.

"Maya left a…" I'm telling her when the door opens and more girls come in.

"I heard trans-boy dissed her when Clare was in the h…" one of the girls is saying but they stop when they see me. There's three of them, all in grade eleven and two are cheerleaders.

"Come on," Anya says taking my hand and pulling me out of the washroom. "Some people can be so rude," she huffs as we walk to the stairs to the second level and sit under them. "I know Adam must be taking it hard," Anya says as we sit down.

"Yes, very hard. Maya left a suicide note of sorts addressed specifically to him. She told him she cheated and was pregnant, she didn't say by whom or name any names. Mostly it was her saying how big of a mess she made in her life, how she hadn't been happy in a long time. Worst of all for Adam she didn't say she loved him only that she was sorry. It's hitting Adam hard because he was very in love with her. He also feels guilty, feels that he pushed her to cheat while he was sitting vigilant at my hospital bedside," I admit to Anya.

"That's ridiculous, he was super worried about you," Anya says in my brother's defense and I smile at her. "I thought I might go and see him after school, but I don't want to intrude."

"No, you can come home with me after school if you want. It wouldn't be intruding and it would be good for Adam to talk with someone outside of our immediate circle," I tell her and she smiles.

"I know he's hurting now but it will get better. Maya was his first girlfriend, right?"

"Yeah first and only, in some ways I don't think Adam ever thought any other girl would like him, not the way he is."

"That's not true, Adam is a great guy and once you get to know him you don't even remember he wasn't always a guy. I don't, I mean not until someone reminds me."

"He needs to hear that too," I tell her. I'm about to ask her if she really does like him when I'm interrupted by my brother, just not the one we've been talking about.

"There you are, Fitz said you ran off. He thought you might have gone home to be with Adam," Drew says.

"I promised Adam I wouldn't I just wanted to check on him, and I didn't run off," I argue even though I did.

"Uh-huh, I know it's your first full day back but Spin says not to push yourself and go home if you feel you need to. Any of us can take you. Don't forget I have basketball tryouts after school," Drew comments.

"I know and physically I feel fine," I say to Drew before looking at Anya. "Meet me on the steps after school," I tell her before looking back at Drew. "I'll see you at lunch," I say to Drew. I get up and begin walking to class but he catches my arm.

"Homeroom was cancelled, there's an assembly to talk about Maya," he informs me.

"Oh," is all I can say.

The homeroom bell rings and as soon as it stops Principal Simpson comes over the P.A. announcing that all students and faculty are to go to the auditorium for an emergency assembly. Keeping hold of my arm Drew walks with me to the auditorium and Anya follows us in. Drew sits next to Bianca and Mark sits on the other side of me. Anya sits behind us, Principal Simpson, Miss Sauvé, Officer Turner and a man I've never seen before are on stage. When everyone is finally seated Principal Simpson begins speaking.

"As some of you already know a student at this school cut her own life short this weekend. Maya Matlin was a musically gifted student and her presence at DeGrassi will be missed. There is a temporary memorial for her outside of the music room, students are welcome to and encouraged to leave flowers, cards, pictures and anything else expressing their thoughts and grief. Anything placed there that is inappropriate or rude will be tossed and the student immediately suspended. If you would like to talk about this Miss Sauvé and a grief counselor will be available all week. Sign up outside of Miss Sauvé's office. A private service has already been held however, for those who would like to pay their respects, a public service will be held at Riverdale Cemetery Friday evening. Information is posted outside the main office. Please respect the privacy of Maya's family and her friends, if you have questions or need to talk the faculty is available including myself. I know a lot of you have questions, some of you have probably heard rumors. And though most of it has been kept from the media an official statement was released this morning, which some of you may have read. Right now, I'm going to turn things over to Officer Turner and our guest grief counselor for the week, Greg Peters."

The grief counselor begins talking, he starts off by talking about teen suicides. Then he begins talking about Maya specifically. He doesn't give any reasons to why she committed suicide, I'm not even sure anyone knows that didn't read her letter or wasn't told by one of us who did. As far as I know Maya only left a note for Adam and no one else. The grief counselor is talking about Maya feeling lost and making a decision she couldn't take back. I was doing okay until this point, Maya's suicide was sad but I hadn't really cried, maybe it just hadn't hit me yet. Maybe I just had been so worried about Adam, and in my own torment over Mark and Jeff. If I haven't let it hit me until now then it slams me like a truck at full speed into a brick wall. I start shaking and my eyes flood with tears.

"Clare?" Drew whispers in a worried voice.

"I don't feel so good, I don't want to be here," I whisper back.

Drew stands up and pulls me with him. He puts his arm around me and we leave the auditorium. I barely make it out to the hall before I break down, turning to Drew I let the tears flow against his chest, they roll down his DeGrassi Football jacket and he holds me tightly. He says nothing, just holds me and I feel others around us, I'm sure that at least Mark and Bianca followed us out. I feel Mark's hand at my back, Bianca is stroking my hair. I'm not sure how long I cry, but when I finally pick my head up and wipe what's left of my tears the assembly is finished and kids are mulling through the halls.

"Do you want to go home?" Mark asks.

"No, I'll be okay, I guess it all just hit me at once. I'm going to freshen up in the washroom before second period," I tell them.

"I'll go with her," Bianca says putting an arm around my shoulders. We go to the second story washroom because it's quieter. I splash some water on my face and take a few moments before walking to my second period science class. "Stay here I'll grab you a water bottle, you cried a lot. If you need to go home, or hang at The Dot for the rest of the day it's totally fine," Bianca tells me as I sit at my desk and I nod.

Bianca returns with a water bottle for me and Mr. Bettenkamp says nothing, actually he gives me a box of tissues, I must still look like I'm crying. Dave, Wes, J.T. and Connor all walk in together and all give me the same sympathetic look. While I did say I wanted to stay at school, and I'm stubbornly determined to stick it out, I pay absolutely no attention in science. After class, I ask Mr. Bettenkamp what happened in class, he just gives me a sympathetic look and tells me what to read and what the homework was. Since I stayed after class I'm late to lunch and they all give me the same worried look.

"I spaced out in class and had to ask Mr. Bettenkamp what we did," I explain.

"You sure you want to stick around for the afternoon?" Drew asks.

"I'm sure," I nod while he hands me my lunch.

Lunch is fairly silent, I don't eat very much but none of us do. We do stay together until the bell rings. After visiting our lockers Drew, Mark and I walk to drama. In light of the sadness of the day Miss Dawes gives us a break by playing a movie. It's a nice break and I spend it sitting between Drew and Eli while rehearsing in my head, for about the hundredth time, what I'm going to say to Mark. After drama Mark walks me to fourth period. I don't pay attention in this class either, but Wes says he'll e-mail me the notes and the homework later. When I get to my locker Mark is there waiting for me, I was sure he would be and I know I have to do this now.

"Come with me," I tell him taking his hand. He comes with me without question, I pull him to the most private place I can think of, the storage and prop room. I close the door and pull him into the back where the sofa is. "I…we…" I stumble over my words, turn my back to him and take a deep breath before beginning again. "A lot has happened in the last few weeks Mark. Everything has changed and changed again, Riley will never be the same, Maya took her own life after cheating on Adam, and I died, for a few minutes but still," I take another deep breath and turn back to him taking his hands. "I love you Mark, deeply and you know that, and that I care about you deeply. I don't want to hurt you, I would do anything not to hurt you but…"

Mark interrupts me by giving me a quick but impassioned kiss, "I know and I knew this was coming. You have feelings for Jeff, and you want to know how deep they go."

"If I don't then I'll always wonder and that's not fair to any of us. I know better than anyone we don't know how long we have in this life. After what Adam went through with Maya I have to give me and Jeff a chance, I can't always be wondering. It doesn't change my feelings for you Mark," I tell him as a few tears slip from my eyes.

"My feelings haven't changed either, I still love you and I always will. And if Jeff ever hurts you or breaks your heart I'll be there," he tells me. He gently tips my chin up and gives me a tender kiss. He turns away fast but I see tears flooding his eyes. He leaves quickly before he lets me see him cry, practically running from the room.

I sink down against the back of the sofa, now that I've finally done it I don't really feel any better. I still feel heavy, a pain my chest, knots in my stomach but that could also be over Maya, or be about Adam. After a moment to breathe I leave the room and go out to the front steps where Anya is waiting.

"I was starting to think you'd gone without me but Bianca said Fitz's car was still here and she was sure you'd go home with him," Anya says.

"Yeah, sorry there was something I needed to do. Mark and I broke up," I tell her.

"Oh, because of Jeff?" She asks and I nod. "Sorry about you and Fitz, but Jeff will be happy. Uh why don't we take his car, I have the key and it's a little cold to walk."

"Are you sure he won't mind?"

"I'll text him and let him know we have it. I can pick him up when he's done or Owen can drop him at your place," Anya says.

I nod and we start walking to Jeff's car, Anya sends him a quick text before she begins driving us to my place. I just hope Adam is up for visitors.

**Update soon picking up from around here and including the following day and maybe Maya's public service. Next updated will be **_**Hold Me Now &amp; Don't Let Go.**_


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